A Year Of Violent Change

I used to look forward to New Year's Day. Partying, hanging out with friends, maybe having your drink on. It was a way to say good riddance to the year that's about to die and hope, however sarcastically, that the next was going to be better.

I used to look forward to New Year's Day, but no more. Now I can't get over getting over because I'm preoccupied with what is going to happen before New Year's Eve. I haven't realized it until now, but the end of the year is a great time to make changes. Not all of them have I liked. And this year, I have liked very, very little.

I think there are three major events that mark my 2011: My sister getting married; my parents saying they are closing The Store; and my Grandmother's worsening health. Obviously I'm overjoyed by the first. But the other two? As inevitable as those may be, I am still devastated by the news.

As I think I've said before, I resist change so much that when it happens -- and oh yes, it happens -- it comes suddenly, violently, and all at once. I still don't think it feels any better if I pace the changes through the days, but as I'm juggling the impending death of The Store and worry over Grandmother's health, this type of change sucks.

There is one overarching "event" that I'm still going through: That I turned 35. I still don't have a steady job. I still live with my parents. I am in a state of arrested development. I'm actually OK with it most days. But days like this, when we're supposed to turn the page, I'm thinking to myself, What the fuck is wrong with me.

And yet, will I change? No, because I'm going through too much change, too much awful change right now. What I'm going through is all I can take, and I don't think I should have to change who I am. But will it be enough?

Why can't things just stay the same? Why can't we just freeze time and enjoy every minute? Why can't The Store stay open? Why can't Grandmother keep all her money and not accuse me of stealing her checks?

Because it's not reality.

Now, at least right now, to me, New Year's represents abrupt change that I rubberneck before forces force me onward, like traffic passing by a car crash. The car crash is my life. I wish I had a better 2011, but frankly, it was a goddamn dumpster fire. No thanks.

And the worst part of it all? I have no fucking idea what 2012 has in store for me. Yes, I can wait.

---

It's tradition, at least with me, to go out and see friends at my friends' parents' opulent mansion in St. Paul. This year, though, I'm apparently going to go through a snowstorm, our first in this otherwise warm, snowless winter, to get there. (I woke up at 10 after 3 1/2 hours of sleep.) A literal car crash would be a great way to wind up the year, you know?

Happy New Year. Yay.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!). The U. icers lead a somnabulant, underachieving WMNSS for their one win last night after a 20-day layoff, a 5-1 triumph over Niagara in their annual New Year's Mariucci Classic. They face Northeastern tomorrow in the early evening in a rematch of the 2008 final. They beat the Purple Eagles without the services of Kyle Rau and Nick Bjugstad, both of whom are with the U.S. National Junior's team as they play the Junior World Championships in Canada ... but honestly, a Minnesota program should still beat a Niagara program while shorthanded. That'll be the last game the Gophers play in 2011.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -Infinity). A 1-2 week, and yet it feels like a gigantic weight has been lifted off the shoulders of this team. With Monday's loss at home to the Bastard Quebec Nordiques, they became the first NHL team since 1999 to win seven games in a row and then lose seven games in a row. They tacked on an eighth Wednesday, shootout style, at Nashville. But finally, goddammit, they won Thursday, 4-3 over Edmonton on Thursday. They're still banged up and still can't score, but at least they figured out how to win again. And they have stopped the freefall with them in fourth place in the Western Conference.

Two games this week: Home to the Bastard Winnipeg Jets New Year's Eve, then at Vancouver Wednesday.

#-3: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!). Don't want to pop anyone's balloon, but amid all the hubbub over how exciting the T-Wolves are going to be this year, their 0-3 start to begin the 2011-2 season now extends their losing streak, dating back to last year, to 18. Tuesday night's loss at Milwaukee -- #17 -- broke the franchise record.

But I have to say that I want to buy into the hype. They have Kevin Love, whose preternatural rebounding prowess seems to have continued this year. Ricky Rubio has been able to pass like Pete Maravich a few times a game, and we haven't yet tired of his shitty defense -- yet. And Michael Beasley can still score buckets, even though he'll have to take, like, six dozen shots to reach 25 points. This team has sucked for so long that, through the draft, they have no choice but to get better. And from the looks of the roster, that time is now.

The three losses have been close, by, respectively, 4, 3 and 2 points. If the trend continues, they'll lose to Dallas by 1 point, play to a tie against San Antonio, beat Memphis by 1 and defeat Cleveland by 2. All four games are this week and at Target Center.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -1). I saw the end(s) of the Goofs' game at Illinois Tuesday. While it was great to see Tubby Smith finally have a healthy Point Guard in Julian Welch, it was absolutely fucking agonizing to see one of the team's nasty weaknesses, free-throw shooting, rear its ugly head again.

Welch had the chance to give the U. a four-point lead with under a half-minute to go, but he shorted the front end of a one-and-one, and the Illini drew a foul and made their free throws to send the game to the first overtime. Questionable shooting prevented them from winning over a similarly lackluster-playing Illinois team in OT 1, and it appeared that the Goofs just ran out of gas in OT 2, losing 81-72.

I have no idea how this team is going to do. But it's gut-wrenching to see that this team was so close to winning a game they might have had no business of even being competitive in. You can't excuse letting chances slip away just because you're a huge underdog. This club might not win a conference road game this year. This week: at Michigan New Year's Day, then home to Iowa.

#-5: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Like the penis ballers, this U. squad went on the road to start B1G play and held tough against a team that should've ran them off the court. They faced an even more formidable opponent, a ranked Purdue. But the outcome was the same: A close (57-53) loss.

So why do I put this team below the U. ballin' men, or even the Woofie Dogs, who lost three games, not one? As I said, I like the upward trajectory of the Wolves. And even though I can't see either Minnesota team winning the NCAA Tournament, I think the men have a better chance of reaching it (however slim) than the women. Which still makes me wonder why we're keeping Pam Borton around. This week: home to Indiana Monday afternoon, then at Northwestern.

The Store Did Not Open Today

I didn't even have to ask, because I knew. Father didn't remind me to go this weekend, and he didn't even tell me the security code. We all knew.

So, instead of opening up The Store (which I would have done, gladly), I slept in. Hell, I even stayed up longer than I usually do, till about 7 or 7:30. I was half-woken up when I heard Grandmother come home with a shitload of groceries we won't eat, but I really woke up for good at 4:30. Nine-and-a-half hours of unconscious bliss.

Nonetheless, it feels weird. Sleeping in does feel weird, but I'm really talking about not opening The Store. It may not have been worth it; there was a good chance no one would show up. But it was tradition, what we did. And now, we don't have to do that anymore. If I weren't so happy getting so much sleep, and if I didn't have to take a shower now because I have something to do later tonight, I would ruminate on this.

Maybe my nightmare acted like my karma. I vaguely remember a group of us getting killed one by one, till I was was one of the few left. Then someone from my team shot me and ran away. I woke up just before I died. Thankfully, since I would really be dead if I died in my nightmare, at least according to those who did die during their nightmares.

Deliveries

I was helping out at The Store yesterday. The phone rang. Usually it would end after one ring because it would forward to Mother's cellphone. When she worked at The Store she was the one receiving the calls anyway.

But the phone kept ringing. What gives? And Father was upstairs retrieving something. So I did what I usually did when no one was around to pick up the call and I answered it myself.

On the other end was a woman with an accent. The only thing I heard clearly was that she wanted to order. What she wanted to order and what restaurant she was calling from, I couldn't make out. In retrospect I guess I should have called Father and told him to come down; at that point there was a guy who came in wanting anise pods, so he would have had to come down anyway. (People can't come one at a time; they either don't come at all or come all at once.) But after going into back and seeing that he was still busy upstairs, I tried to take the order myself, even though I wouldn't know who it's for.

The woman on the other end didn't seem to understand because she wouldn't give me her order. Finally I told her that Father would be down in about ten or 15 minutes, so she could just call back then. She hung up. And I felt like a loser.

That guy was still there, so I finally called Father. After he was done with him (apparently we don't have anise pods, although I thought we at least sold anise seeds), I told him a call came in. And Father didn't seem to give a fuck. Dude, it's an order! Money!! And you don't care if she calls back or not? I know you're (it's still hard to type this) closing down The Store, but dude, at least fulfill the order!!! But he just checked the Caller ID and sat back down on the barstool next to the cash register. So she's just going to get angry and not use The Store for her orders ever again? And that's OK with him?? Man, there isn't a more depressing sign that my parents are shutting our breadwinner down.

But then, this morning, my phone rang while I was trying to go to sleep. Come early, Father said, because there's a delivery to be made. Shit, there goes the extra half-hour I need to conk off. And then when I get there there's yet another delivery we need to make. Five boxes in all. He gave me the option of using their minivan instead of my car, but I thought it best to use my car so we can just pick up Mother after we're done delivering and take the both of them to the airport. Those darn boxes were so heavy I was afraid they'd buckle my rear struts. But I think they're OK.

So he doesn't answer an order yesterday but we make not one but two deliveries today. To me, that's a sign that there's still business out there. Why not keep going? I know Father wants to retire, but shit, he should just continue to work so that he doesn't stay at home and bothering me.

Expenses Without Receipt

OMG, this is so hard. I finally caved into using this blog partly to note expenses that I don't have a receipt for because this year -- well, maybe the past two years -- I've felt I've been quite derelict in keeping track. I thought it would be easier to just blog about it and note it on my Franklin Quest later. Turns out the problem is not that I fail to jot these expenses down on my FQ, but that I don't have time to jot them down, period. The media doesn't matter; I'm still forgetting.

So now I have to think of everything I paid for that I don't have a receipt for the past week. How in the fuck am I going to do that? Well, here goes:

• Saturday morning (will be listed for Friday because I worked overnight and hadn't gone to bed yet): Salvation Army, for, oh, 25 cents.
• That afternoon/evening, got three dances at the private party at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition). With tips, that's $64 ... but I have already written that down.
• Monday night, the late-night Italian place I love to go to: With tip -- shit, I'll have to take a stab at -- ugh -- $11.50.
• And finally (I think) tonight, during dinner break at work, I went to the library and needed to print out boarding passes for the 'Rents: 20 cents.

I think that's it. ...

Dithering

I thought I had my mall job through the end of the year. Then I was told that I didn't. Then my supervisor supervisor scrounged up some work, albeit during the day. I was so incensed that I was owed hours that I decided to work it and risk being found out to be a, gulp, retail worker.

Then today, which I believed to be my last day, I was approached by my supervisor to work New Year's Eve. Sure!

And then, after working out tonight and checking my phone, I was left a voicemail from the mall asking me to come work tomorrow afternoon. Shit.

You see, I planned on working at The Store tomorrow. The days there are numbered, and so I wanted to be there as many times as possible before ... you know. I wanted to go there in the afternoon, after I woke up, and if Father wanted me to take him home, that was fine. I planned on going to storage and picking up some glass bottles to recycle after they left Thursday morning, but that's a problem I can deal with later.

But the person who left me a voicemail wanted me to work eight hours (not including breaks and lunch) tomorrow. So now what? Ditch The Store? Can't do that. Come in in the morning, then go to the mall? Guess I can do that, but shit, I'm so fucking tired! Besides, it'd be kind of useless just to follow Father to The Store, like, an hour after he gets there. So, well, no, I can't work tomorrow. I'll just tell them that tomorrow -- as soon as I wake up, which will probably be in the middle of the shift she wanted me to work.

But then I come home and Father reminds me that Thursday's the day he and Mother are going on vacation, so he wanted me to print out his boarding passes tomorrow -- as soon as possible, which is exactly 24 hours before the flight. That puts it around 5 p.m., right in the middle of my proposed work day, possibly interfering with working at The Store. Whatever happens, though, it means I can't take Father home tomorrow, right?

It's a change of plans, but it also means the choices have been narrowed down for me, which I like. If I can't take him home, it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to work at The Store in the afternoon. So that means I have a tentative plan: Go to The Store in the morning, volunteer to work four hours at the mall, go to a library and print out those passes (because I still don't trust the modem we have at home), go to storage to pick up those glass bottles, then come home for dinner. I wake up early in the morning but after the 'Rents leave to leave the bottles out for recycling.

At least that's the plan right now, at this minute. If I decide I'm too tired, I just might punt the fucking day tomorrow and, I don't know, write some shit.

I have this routine, usually: I fill two insulin shots for Grandmother every night, but the caps that they're shipped in so they don't shift during shipping I keep, for a day. The next night, when I refill again, I keep those caps and throw the previous day's caps away.

Why do I do this? I have OCD. And I have developed this ... thing where only a days' worth of caps (either two or one because Grandmother sometimes forgets to inject herself twice; big problem) can go into the garbage. Every night -- for now anyway, gulp -- Father bags up that day's garbage and puts it in my parents' work minivan. And so I have a "fresh" garbage bag I can throw the previous days' caps into. A days' worth of caps for every bag of garbage: That's the self-brokered rule I have.

Well, maybe it's the combination of being busy, thinking too much and anxiety, but I broke from routine today when I thought I didn't. I dumped the previous night's caps in the garbage this afternoon, or at least I think so. My thinking was is that the garbage bag was "new," so I might as well throw them away now, while I'm going through the kitchen to do something, say, in the bathroom. Only I didn't figure that I had to wait till after dinner tonight (even though I was not having dinner at home tonight because I was working) so Father can refresh bags. Although I'm sure I couldn't, I may have dumped both last night's and the previous night's insulin shot caps in the same bag.

I realized this just now, when I filled up Grandmother's insulin. I usually put the caps to the right of my laptop on my desk, and when I saw that there was none I thought, "Oh, shit!" I mean, it's not life or death or anything. But now I can't throw caps into the trash tonight. I have to wait till tomorrow to throw 'em (in this case one) away. And it kind of bugs me, in an OCD way.

Full Of Anxiety

I dread tomorrow. First of all, my night job has morphed into a day job. I took the night job because I didn't want anybody to see me doing this. Why the fuck did I say yes to this? Because I was promised one more week of working nights, then they said they wouldn't, but then my supervisor supervisor somehow squeezed off three days of work for us (OK, so she may not be that bad), I said yes because I need the money. Hell, we were given the chance to work Black Friday and the following day but during the day, and I rejected it outright because I didn't want to be seen. I am totally going to get busted by someone in high school who thought I'd be a doctor by now.

But first, I'm going to The Store. You know, just to help out. It'll definitely be like walking into Death. I overheard when my brother and sister-in-law came over for Christmas Eve Dinner that ... this is going to be hard for me to type ... they're closing down "soon." There isn't a whole hell of a lot to do there anyways, but I want to be there -- if not for freeing Father to do something in the back, then to, you know, just be there and support the old girl.

I want to be able to do that for a long, long time. But I doubt it. I just don't know when the ax is going to fall. Then again, I don't want to know, because I never want the ax to fall.

You know what I did last night, on Christmas Day? I slept. All day. Had to write an NBA preview column so I went to bed at 7:30. Father woke me up at 6, otherwise I'm sure I would've slept even longer.

And you know what? Even though I'm out of sorts, I loved it. Ten-and-a-half hours of unconsciousness, of not worrying about a huge part of my life and existence soon being taken away from me forever, of being scared I'll be outed by my high school enemies as being an abject failure. This was my day to soothe myself, because tomorrow will be very, very scary.

The Best Christmas Song I Had Not Heard Of -- And I Bet You Haven't Heard It Either

The thing about working at a mall for the holiday season is that you hear Christmas music every single second you're there. It's obviously annoying; I'm so glad my brother got me an iPod. But you can't help but listen. So I know basically every single Christmas song that exists, and you know what? Even though I'm sick of the four versions of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" I hear at least once a night (there's the original Louis Armstrong/Ella Fitzgerald version, one with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, one with Michael Bublé and one other) and there's one twisted rocked-out version of "Blue Christmas" that is a mistake, I heard a Christmas song I had never heard of that is completely awesome: "Sock It To Me, Santa."

It's a take-off of James Brown's "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag," including the guitar riff and the "ba-da!" from that song, only adapted for the season. But it felt like a song made today or recently, just with a retro feel put on it. When I googled it, however, I was shocked, absolutely shocked, that "Sock It To Me, Santa" was made all the way back in 1966. And it was made by, of all people, Bob Seger:

This song is 45 years old and it sounds like new. That is the hallmark of an awesome song, Christmas or not. This replaces "Against The Wind" as my favorite Seger song.

Before it's too late: Merry Christmas, everybody.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Gotta love the holiday season. Means less college teams to keep track of for the survey.

---

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2). Finished their cupcake non-con schedule, one that sent this team out of Williams Arena for one tournament over Thanksgiving Weekend and did not feature even one single true road game, by rallying from a deficit to defeat North Dakota St. Thursday. Man, if they have to come back to beat a team like the Bison at home, what happens if they go on the road against an actual decent team?

At any rate, they are 12-1 overall, even though they are (rightly) unranked. We'll see immediately how good this team is; they begin conference play Tuesday at Illinois.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4). I said last week that this squad of Goofs was done till the 30th. I was wrong. In a testament to how lightly I regard this program nowadays, I overlooked that they had a game Friday in the Barn against the New Jersey Institute of Technology, or NJIT (I like to pronounce it "en-jit," like how Tom Sawyer calls Sam an "Injun"). They crushed them 71-47; Rachel Banham scored a career-high 20 points. But I still put them behind the men's b-ball team that squeaked by in its only game because this club is only 8-6. Moreover, even though Pam Borton has shown more balls than Tubby Smith by scheduling actual road games, they lost both of them.

Like the penis ballers, they begin B1G play next week on the road: At Purdue Friday.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -6). Say, why did the NFL schedule games on Christmas Eve? I thought that was the most sacred day in the sports calendar. There usually is nothing besides the fucking Hawaii Bowl on Christmas Eve. I really thought they would hold to their traditional Sunday schedule and have everybody, or at least all but, like, one game, played Christmas Day. I know the NBA schedules games all day then -- it's extra special this year because it'll be the beginning of their delayed season -- but is the NFL really afraid to piss off or lose ratings to NBA games?

Anyway, playing Saturday meant I can include two games to evaluate the Vikes with this week. Good thing for them too: Their better-than-the-score-indicates win over Washington this afternoon balances out the loss last week at home to New Orleans that showed how wide the talent level is between this team and the elite. And to think that two years ago both teams played for a spot in the Super Bowl.

I will say this: Christian Ponder has regressed badly, so much so that I now have to question whether he is the man to lead the ViQueens into the future. His judgment and confidence has been so awful the last 3-4 weeks that the coaches only allow him to throw dumps, flats and screens. He had, like, 20 yards of passing before being taken out of the game (probably for the season, for the good of his young brain) because of a concussion he took. Those passing numbers are Donovan McNabb-like. When the QB is so afraid of throwing an interception he opts to run on almost half the snaps, he's not playing with confidence.

And today's game is reason enough to say this again: Joe Webb is at the very least a decent quarterback, and he should be given the chance to lead this team and prove that he is the quarterback of the future. I don't think he broke triple digits passing, but so what? He was accurate on some of his throws and he is a credible threat running the ball. The Washington defense had to honor the possibility that he'll tuck it and run, and that allowed Webb to throw to Kyle Rudolph and Percy Harvin on those touchdowns. Finally, it looked like Webb was able to play with some control, if not mastery, and that's something we haven't seen from Ponder in a month.

Unfortunately, the win today came at a high price: Adrian Peterson was carted off the field, and according to FOX's Jay Glazer, they think it's a torn ACL. You know, it really was a stupid decision to come back to play after his high ankle sprain. Now this shit happens, and there's a possibility that he'll miss games next year because of it. And for what, pursuing the franchise's all-time rushing record and placating your fantasy owners? (I think that's a dumb decision, and I have Peterson on one of my fantasy teams.)

That being said, Toby Gerhardt's performance in this game (over 100 yards) and while Peterson was out has saved his career. He now looks like a good that could, and should, spell A.P. as a backfield tandem.

Season's over on the 1st when they host Chicago. Even with Ponder and Peterson out and a shit secondary, this is an actually winnable game.

#-4: Twins (Last Week: -7). I really don't think the loss of Jason Kubel, a player I think was expendable (he went to Arizona), nor the signing of Jason Marquis was newsworthy enough to warrant a spot in the WMNSS. But then I thought there would be only three teams to rank this week. When I realized the U. women's team played a game this week, I had already formed thoughts about the Twinks.

And they are these: There were four big free agents -- Kubel, Michael Cuddyer, Joe Nathan and Matt Capps. Three of them are gone. The only one the team retained is the least-tenured of the four, the least valuable (in my opinion) and the most-reviled by fans.

Moreover, the signing of Marquis seems to be nothing more than the baseball equivalent of spackling over a mistake. New Old General Manager Terry Ryan shipped Kevin Slowey's surly ass out of town, and they needed to find somebody good enough to pitch in the big leagues. That's why Ryan signed Marquis: He needed a warm body. God, I hope he knows what he's doing. Maybe even he knows that the immediate future is already a lost cause, and he's just filling out the roster while really concentrating on repopulating the farm system with prospects that will bring about a new Renaissance for the Twinks.

#-Infinity: Wild (Last Week: -5). Wow. Two weeks ago I put the Mild in Positive Numbers for their winning streak. They went from there to -5 to -Infinity because they followed up winning seven in a row by losing six in a row, including going 0-4 this week. They needed to show grit; as exemplified in a 4-0 shutout at Vancouver and a 4-1 thumping at rapidly-improving ex-doormat Edmonton, it looks like they have none. Of course, injuries, especially losing captain Mikko Koivu, doesn't help. At least they had been so good that right now they're in second place in the Western Conference standings.

Will this team ever win again? Three games this week: home to Colorado, at Nashville, then home to Edmonton.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

A Huge Change To My Writing?

I had noticed it, but I didn't pay any special attention to it until about a month ago. But apparently this is such a huge faux pas that I have to make this change or else I may not be taken seriously as a writer. Hell, it might be the reason I'm not writing as a full-time job now.

What am I talking about? Putting two spaces between sentences. That is what I was told I had to do when I was a child. But I came across this Slate article saying that you shouldn't do it, and in fact you're a douchelord if you do do it.

That is a habit that is very, very hard for me to break. Putting two spaces is something I was told to do the first time I was in typing class in elementary school. I don't know why; I don't think I ever questioned it. But when the secretary lady/teacher started drilling us on typing, that is what we were told: Two spaces inbetween sentences, always.

Of course, that was a long time ago. I learned to type on a computer, albeit a very old one, but we still had a typewriter at home. And I did papers on that typewriter till, oh, early in high school. According to the article, the extra space helped readers recognize sentences. But in this day and age, where computers are much more flexible and can accommodate all the different fonts used so it ensure the right amount of space inbetween sentences, that extra space is not needed and, in fact, hurts readability.

I think I complained before about needing to edit blog posts that I've already posted and seeing that there was only one space after a sentence when I put in two, and then adding a space after every single sentence. Maybe this new standard is the reason for the disappearing spaces. That's good enough of a reason to no longer do that, which frees up a lot of time and relieves me of a lot of frustration.

But can I start typing with only one space inbetween sentences? I don't think so. I'm an old dog that can't learn new tricks. Hopefully this antiquated formatting quirk won't prevent me from getting freelancing gigs. If I do get some and my editor or boss tells me to stop doing that, I will. Until then. ...

Expenses Without Receipt

This morning, parking at Dinkytown: 50 cents.

This morning, Al's Breakfast (with tip): $10.

Expenses Without Receipt

Overnight: Kit Kat from a vending machine at work: $1.20

Donation to Salvation Army kettle, outside Rainbow Foods, about 5 p.m.: 25 cents

I just wanted to clean my room when Grandmother dawdled to my bedroom door, even though it was closed.

"Wha-wha-what, Grandmother?" I say, like I always do when she interrupts me, which is all the time.

She then thought this was the best time to pop the news that she heard from her friend that The Store will be closing by the end of the month.

No no no no no no no no no no. ...

My Neighbors' Christmas Spirit

My neighbors ... I like our neighbors, but they seem to be a bit, uh, odd. My sister's best friend, who still lives a couple houses down from us, calls them a derisive name which I don't remember. I don't think they're that, whatever that is. What I do know, from what I've observed, is that they're a large bunch, they have a lot of cars on the driveway, and they're a group that doesn't care about, let's just say, the social graces. That last point was driven home -- actually parked home -- when I came home one night and saw that there was a gathering at their place. One of the people who drove over decided to park on the front lawn.

But they are nice people, from the couple interactions I've had with them. And that point is driven home this Christmas season. They have this inflatable snowman that has lights and can rotate. I've seen it working, and I've seen it when it's totally deflated. Poor snowman looks all ragged, flat on the grass.

Come to think of it, there's a chance they turn it off intentionally, when it's too dark to keep it on, for example. I was thinking that the snowman gets blown around by the wind so much that it deflates on its own, but the family continues to pump it full of air again so it can be lit up and rotate again. And when it's knocked back down, they'll go outside again and pump it back up.

Either way, unintentionally or intentionally, reinflating that snowman shows that they are determined to show their Christmas spirit. And that's a good thing.

Grandmother Panicking Again

She seemed OK this morning, when I checked her levels.

Then I slept starting at 10:30. Grandmother woke me up at 4:45, when she complained (again) that Father took the rice cooker. She then said she was going to go her friend's place.

I thought that her bobo/helper was there to pick her up. But just in case, I got up and went to the bay window. She was walking by herself, down the road, in the light snowfall.

I had to chase her outside, and I called out to her. She turned around and came back home, saying not, "Wait -- I can't walk to her place," but "it's snowing, I can't go."

---

After saying she wasn't hungry, she decided she wanted to make soup. Father turned off and disabled the stove, toaster oven and propane cooker (more on that later) ... except for one burner on the propane outside.

From that crack of daylight, she went to work. She can't help but prepare vegetables and meat, and now that she has a pot to cook, she threw around the salt and sugar and fucking went to work. Salt and sugar???

I just let her do her thing. She is delusional; while cooking she kept saying that she's making soup so my parents don't have to, even though they told her she doesn't have to anymore. But I don't know if she can help it. I've been out of it for six hours. What has she been doing while I was asleep? She may be getting cabin fever. And maybe she can't help but provide for the family because that's what she's always done.

But, I don't know if she's going to catch hell -- or at least more hell than she usually takes -- if Father catches her boiling the pot of soup, or even a boiled pot of soup. I then thought I needed to stop her, but I didn't know how. Finally, I remembered that I should tell her that Father will have some soup cooked for us when my parents come home.

When I told her that, weirdly, she abruptly stopped cooking. She did all this work to prepare and boil this soup of meat, salt, sugar and, ostensibly, vegetables, and after I say some quick thing about Father, she takes the pot and closes everything down. So now she is, and by extension I am (because you were in the house and how can you let her do something like this?!), screwed two ways. Not only will he find out she tried to cook soup, she didn't even fully cook the soup. If you're going to get into trouble making your own food, you might as well do it right.

So now I don't know where the soup is. Hopefully Grandmother knows she would get in trouble and has the soup in a container in her bedroom. But finally, she is in her bed, relaxing and not sundowning.

Job Passed Up, Then Job Lost

There is this guy at ProStaff, the temp agency I re-upped with after five years away, who has called me in a harried state a couple times in the past week. He works with the company I trained for over a month ago for shift work that had yet to ask for workers. Well, both calls he was looking to fill positions. Unfortunately, I passed up both calls, one last week, the other Tuesday afternoon, because of two things: 1) this mall job; and 2) I don't think I'd like this job.

It's precision work, not only with the manual labor but with the documentation. You have to write everything down, everything, and there's a certain way you have to write down the date. And, if you do that wrong, you have to cross it out, initialize that you were the one who crossed it out (like you would when you write something wrong on a check), and then do it correctly. I think that's just too much bullshit to deal with. But ... it's a year-long commitment, and after planting $1200 to fix my car, I don't think I'm in any position to negotiate. So I figure I could do it, and if I don't like it -- or if I get hired by the scorers as early as February -- I can get out of it. That was my mindset when I told this guy no. (By the way, even though I don't know him, he seems like a good guy. Working hard to do his job, being patient with my demands, and knowing that neither of us can bullshit when it comes to working ... which was his reply when I asked him in our first phone conversation how he was doing: "Working." Good answer!)

---

That position, by the way, would have started Sunday night. I forget what shift he told me it was. It may have been first shift, which is no good because I have to take my parents to the airport (they're resuming Vegas vacations now that Mother has done enough time at her new job, I guess), or it may have been third, which would have been perfect because I told my folks that I would be working overnight till the New Year, and this way I could say it's indefinite.

Nevertheless I said no, partly because hey, I have a job now. Well, I thought I did.

Seeing my supervisor supervisor sitting by herself in the break room should have a clue. The second was her saying to me, "How are you?" She has never been that civil to me before. Never.

So after saying my too-cool-for-school comment, "I be," she gets down to the nitty gritty: Our jobs don't end after next Friday, the 30th, but instead it's this Friday, the 23rd. "The money's not there," was her boilerplate fucking answer, as if I knew what the fuck that meant, which is typical because most of the shit that comes spilling out of her mouth makes little sense.

You know, I hate how she greeted me. Not only is it fake, now it's obvious that she only said that as a way of buttering me up before she brought the hammer down. Underhanded and shows what little respect she has for me. Just fucking say it in your own sweet way, dammit.

(Oh, and I love how she tried to end the conversation on a high note. We had planned on doing a Christmas potluck this Friday. It's still on, but I guess it'll double as a farewell party. And she ended our "talk" by saying, "... and this Friday will be our potluck!" and she ended that particular sentence by uptalking and with a wry smile. Oh my fucking God, does that idiot really think this potluck will totally make up for the fact that all of us have just lost a week's paycheck she and her company said we'd work for? Either she really is stupid enough to believe that we'll be all smiles when we lose our jobs this Friday, or she can't hide the fact that what she's saying is crap, and her uptalking and wry smile are just ways of painting shit gold. Whatever, bitch. Oh, and we know that you thanking us tonight was just a way of covering your fat ass. It would have been more genuine if you started with your compliments when I started this job a month ago. Too little, too late. Nothing more than transparent fakery from a self-absorbed fake.)

So now what? I'm out $300, which I need to pay for my car repairs. I have no immediate job openings in the future because I said no to the other one just the fucking day before. Hell, I wouldn't put it past that cunt if she had Human Resources call me today and say I've been fired. She caught me with both earbuds in my ears tonight, and I did work overtime last week.

Fuck my life. Oh well, onto some porn to make me happy. Porn always makes me happy.

Her "Leadership" In Two Words

There was something to the way that bitch supervisor said, "Let's go!" that just really pissed me off. Lady, maybe you had a rough night, and maybe your night still hadn't ended when we our workday was done. But don't lay your frustrations out on us, OK? We aren't the cause of any inconvenience or stress that you are or were feeling.

Her attitude since my first day at the mall has been unprofessional. How in the hell is she in charge of people is beyond me. And I for one cannot way till the end of the year when I will be done with her for good.

Sorry, I Skipped A Day Again

Starting at midnight, I: was working at the mall; slept for about 20 minutes in the break room; went to my other job working at the Vikings; went to the stripclub; went to another mall just so I could tell Father I "just got off of work; I was late because something happened" (he yelled at me Saturday night about cleaning up my room, so I'm pissed at him); ate; and finally watched Sunday Night Football until I fell asleep from working on 20 minutes' rest since 9 Saturday night.

I apologize. I've done this before, but for some absences I've had excuses. I don't think I wrote every day when I started WAF because I didn't envision it to be a daily thing at the time. Then I went on vacation and realized that getting to a computer and typing something, especially I was supposed to be taking a vacation, was very inconvenient, so I allowed myself to not write while I'm on vacay.

But this, at least, the second time I just skipped over a day. Actually, I have the excuse of working my ass off and needing to rest as the reasons I didn't write Sunday, when I remember the last time I had time and I just plain forgot.

But I still feel bad. Problem is, last time I vowed to change. Right now I reflect and think that, unless I made it a point to immediately go to the Internet as soon as I was done with dinner -- which is complicated by the fact that the Internet is still on the fucking blink -- I was too damn tired to write. And yet that doesn't seem like a good excuse.

Sorry. That's all I can say right now.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Re-Entry!). They rebounded from a blanking at the hands of North Dakota by sweeping Ohio St. at Ridder Arena last weekend, 4-1 and 3-1. (Ohio St. is not good in hockey either men's or women's. Just an observation.) Three goals in the first seven minutes of Saturday's series opener was a good omen for the sweep, apparently.

So they go into winter break with a 17-3-0 overall record, an 11-3-0 record in the WCHA, and the 2 ranking in the polls. When they come back to the ice after New Year's, they'll face the #1-ranked team in the polls, Wisconsin, at home.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: 0). OK; although they have played every single game at the Barn, seeing this team play since Trevor Mbakwe was lost for good with an ACL has been impressive. They crushed MAC lackey Central Michigan by 20 to make it five wins in a row for the new-look squad.

Saying that, I am now itching to see if there has been any significant chemistry bonding since Mbakwe's injury. Tubby Smith will have to take his team on the road in the New Year for Big Ten play; we'll see if his team has enough heart to overcome the talent gap that grew wider with Mbakwe gone. They have one final non-conference tune-up before resting the rest of 2011: home to North Dakota St. on Thursday.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3). They got revenge for their upset loss the previous night to lowly Michigan Tech by beating them in the series-ender Saturday 6-2. But it was tied at 2 heading into the third period.

Frantic rallying against a supposedly overmatched opponent aside, they go into the break 11-3-0 in WCHA play and 14-5-1 overall. Like their no-penis counterparts, they too are ranked second in the country (UMD is first). Unfortunately for U. and men's college hockey fans, there will not be a 1 vs. 2 matchup, neither sooner nor later. They played only one series this year, and that was the second weekend of the season, Oct. 14 and 15, when the Gophers swept the Bulldogs (in Duluth, by the way) by a pair of 5-4 scores.

They are off till the 30th, when the host the Mariucci Classic and play Niagara.

#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2). Very disappointing. They cream Harvard and Alcorn St. last weekend as ungracious hosts of their Best Buy Classic. But on Wednesday, when they were playing on an opponent's home floor for the very first time all year, they get soundly walloped by Denver, 72-63. Don't tell me Denver is miles better than Harvard or Alcorn St. If they're not, then blame for this awkward loss falls on Head Coach Pam Borton, who still cannot put either the players or the play together that will allow the Goofs to get ahead of teams, especially nondescript ones, early and stay there. How good can this team be if they lose at fucking Denver???

Like the men's hockey team, they too are off till the 30th, when they begin conference play at Purdue.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: Positive Numbers). I knew it, I knew it, and I was afraid of it. After the Mild generated some stories over their great play, the team wilted under the increased media scrutiny. They followed up an impressive 4-1 whipping at Phoenix by seeing their winning streak end at 7 in an entertaining, hard-hitting 2-1 loss at Winnipeg. They then lost at home to hated Chicago in a shootout.

Did you see the final shootout goal, the one by the Blackhawks' Patrick Kane that won it for Chicago? You have to see this shit. Kane practically stops moving and stands still right in front of Minnesota Goalie Nicklas Backstrom, dribbling the puck on his stick back and forth. After Backstrom falls for a backhand deke, Kane fires the vulcanized rubber into a wide-open net. Just stupid:

I mean, why in the fuck didn't Backstrom stick his stick out and poke the puck out of Kane's control? He was standing right in front of him for a whole goddamn minute. Sheesh.

Is this two-game losing streak the beginning of a correction -- or much worse? Four games this week: The New York Islanders at home tonight, then games at the three Canadians teams in the Wild's Northwest Division. Will see how much grit this squad really has after next week.

#-6: Vikings (Last Week: -4). Man, I really thought the Vikes were going to beat Detroit at the last second! Maybe that's why I'm not so down on this club as other people are. Or, I may be feeling this good over a 34-28 loss because of the excellent play of Joe Webb. You see, I never gave up on Joe Webb. He showed enough flashes of competence last year that I was more than willing to name him the starter for this year. I knew that this team wasn't going anywhere this year, so you might as well play Webb and see how well he can manage an offense, or even guide this team to a win based on his arm, feet, smarts and heart.

Besides, I was never convinced that the 2011 quarterback crop was good enough to draft anybody. But, alas, the ViQueens jumped on the QB bandwagon in April and selected Christian Ponder, a guy who regressed so badly at Detroit Sunday that, after his third interception, he was benched in favor of Webb -- who promptly brought them back to the point where they could have scored in the last eight seconds of the game. Why not Webb? Only because the Vikes have decided that he won't be a quarterback in the NFL. What a goddamn shame.

They're hosting New Orleans tomorrow afternoon. They're done for. Ponder has already been reinstated as a starter. Unless he can stop overreaching and start making smart plays, then they're really done for.

#-7: Twins (Re-Entry!). They're on the survey, but down at the bottom, for one sentimental reason: They lost Michael Cuddyer to Colorado.

I remember talking to him when he was drafted. He seemed like an affable guy. And he grew to be a mainstay for the Twinks as they began their ascent to being one of the best-run organizations in Major League Baseball. And then, this year, we saw his true importance to the ballclub: As the rock on an underachieving team facing a never-before-experienced year of incredible disappointment.

So what if they signed Josh Willingham, a guy who could be better at the plate and is just as good a man in the locker room, and for less? Cuddyer was the longest-tenured player with the Twinks. And last year he became The Face Of The Franchise -- yes, even moreso than the M&M Glory Boys, Joe Mauer and Justin Morneau. He became that for three reasons: 1) he played all year; 2) he played consistently, if not spectacularly; and 3) he played hurt. Last year he showed the grit and determination in the face of inevitable failure that reminded Twins fans of the team's scrappy beginnings from the depths of the nineties, when the organization was in small-market oblivion. And now he's gone.

Star Tribune beat writer LaVelle E. Neal III blogged about missing Cuddyer. Honestly, he makes him seem like a saint, and I don't mean that in a bad way. When he tells how he volunteered to be a liaison to the Twin Cities community, I miss him even more.

Michael Cuddyer is no longer a Twin. Even if it's better for the team in the long run, this is a stain on the franchise that will take a long time to come back from. Shame on the team.

It is the weirdest thing to sleep in all day, which I just did from 9:30 till about 3. I was so tired that I tried sleeping in for another hour.

I feel bad for wasting the day, but fuck it, I need my rest. Now, I have to call the phone company and see if I can get my goddamn money back.

One Good Thing, One Bad Thing

I wanted to say that I was able to take a nap during my overnight job break for the first time Tuesday/Wednesday. It was warm enough, even if it was raining, that I was able to conk off for, I estimate, ten minutes. I felt so refreshed that the rest of the night at the mall, usually a trial, was a relative breeze.

---

I just checked my phone bill. It's $142. It used to be $62. I changed it because I was told by customer service that my monthly bill would be cheaper if I added long distance. It's not.

I remember calling these guys while I was spending my day at an experiment when I had a question about something. Motherfucker screwed me.

I have to call these assholes back ... as soon as I get done doing everything else I need to get done.

Has Everyone Just Fuckin' Quit??

So I got home from work this morning. Parents' car was still there, which made me think I should just help my parents get this thing this morning and then sleep as opposed to getting in the afternoon after I sleep.

When I get into the house, I only see Mother. Father's still asleep, so the plan is to stick around until he wakes up, take him to The Store, do this delivery and then go back home to sleep. That's fine; with things winding down and him already in retirement mode, I'll just have to stick around.

Because the fucking Internet is on the blink at the house again, I couldn't stay up and keep track of the porn like I wanted to. So I just laid down on my bed and waited until Father woke me up.

Fast-forward to 2:30. Shit. I have my excuse at the ready: I work nights. But I go out and see that the car is still out there. Father didn't take the spare? And then I look downstairs and see that his milk crate of food is still at the bottom step. He didn't go to work today?!?!?!

Initially I thought this was a huge problem. Then I realized: He doesn't care anymore. The delivery was supposed to be done Tuesday, but I couldn't go. He's thinking, Well, if it can't get done Tuesday, why do it today?

I call Mother, just in case. I get her voicemail. I leave a message but know she won't return it. Shit, she might not even listen to it. Has everyone just fucking quit?

A little later I hear footsteps. In case there has been a massive mistake and something still needs to be done at 3, I go outside. There's Father. He's asking me what my schedule's like ... no, he's yelling at me about what my schedule's like. Don't be an asshole, asshole. If you were up this morning, wake me up! Me sleeping never stopped you from doing that before. And if you were sleeping through the rain all day like me ... well, now I know where I get my weird circadian rhythms from.

Let's fucking do this again tomorrow. And let's hope everybody still gives a shit about working and The Store.

Too Good To Be True: Real Car Trouble

I was right; there was more to it than just a tune-up. I woke up at 1:30 because that was the latest could be out the door to get my car, run an errand at work for my parents at The Store, then do some lab work at the U.

As I was walking out, not getting a call from the shop told me one of two things: Either they are too lazy to call me and instead thought they could wait until I just showed up when they said they were going to be done, or there were complications. And by the way, I told the guy before I left this morning that if there were complications he needed to call me.

I saw him working on his computer when I reached his shop. I wasn't going to get away with just a tune-up. Apparently the fuel injector doesn't work either! Sweet!!

I was given a choice: Wait for a used one that wasn't there yet and get the car by noon tomorrow, or get a new one and have the car back this evening. And like a dumbass, my anxiety forced me to ask for the new part. Hey, I have to be at the mall tonight. I'm spending $200 more so I can make $75 tonight!!! Fuckin' A, I should've just called in sick tonight. But shit, my thinking was, I still can't afford a new car. If it's going to be a grand with a used fuel injector, what in the fucking hell is another $200 for a new one, huh? It'll last twice as long, wouldn't it?

Fuck my life. I'm paying four figures that I don't have for a car that I don't trust right now. I compound that buy paying new and needing to get it back right away, like I'm a pussy. Worst of all, I no longer trust this guy I go to, someone I've been only relying on for fluid flushes. This is the first time I've let him work something mechanical in my car because he's been good with the flushes and it's close to home -- and I thought he'd be cheaper. Well, not only is he not cheaper, I have to question whether he's trying to screw me over with this fuel injector or he doesn't know what he's doing. Both conclusions are still possible. At any rate, I'm going to have to reevaluate using this guy from now on. I can't accept this shit.

All I know is that if I'm paying $1200 for new parts, the shaking and vibration and the check engine light had better goddamn be over. In fact, it'd better fucking drive like it did the first time I drove it back in 1994.

---

This "mistake" fucks up all my plans. I obviously couldn't go to the lab. I wanted to e-mail the guy running me, but because the fucking modem at home is on the goddamn blink again, I had no fucking idea whether the e-mail went through. And this was about 20 minutes before the session was supposed to start. Luckily the Internet came up in time for me to see that I sent it not once, not twice, but three times. And I'm grateful that he was good in postponing it so I could come in some other time.

The errand for my folks is different. I want to show that I care about The Store and that it's still a viable business entity. But with no car, I had to make up a fucking lie. So after not being able to reach Mother, I called Father and told him that the thing I needed to do after helping him out has been cancelled. Thankfully -- or maybe because he was given some muscle relaxer after visiting the doctor's this morning -- he said I could do it tomorrow.

But will Mother understand? I specifically promised her. So now my lie is this: I was driving when I was told the "session" at the U. was cancelled. Then, I felt some shaking in my car. Having time now, I decide to bring the car in for service. That way I can come back whenever the car is ready -- assuming it's fucking ready. Also, it alleviates me needing to lie some more because the day will end with the truth -- that I'm bringing my car into the shop because it needs fixing.

I still feel bad for not helping out my parents when they asked me to. Hopefully this won't fuck things up. This means I'll have to wake up early tomorrow to do this, meaning I will not have any morning where I can sleep in during this mild, rainy, above-average weather we're having early this week. (I'll be able to sleep in Friday, but it'll be 20 then.) Or, they might've just done it themselves, which frees me to sleep in tomorrow, but proves I'm less dependable. Like my car right now.

$1200. ... What the fuck is wrong with me?

Going to work last night the check engine light came on. Scared me shitless as I was driving the rest of the way to work, then to my repair shop this morning.

I was ready for the worst. It seemed so bad that I was ready to shell out one, even two grand. I thought the mounts and joints and all that shit had to be replaced.

But, apparently, no. It just needs a tune-up. That's the reason for the shaking and the check engine (as well as the oil level) light? And it's much less than a grand?

OK, I'll take it. Even though I'm scared that's not going to fix everything.

Filling In Windshield Chips Is Cool!

On the 1st I got a nasty fucking chip on windshield. Was driving to work and this fucking van about 30 or 40 yards in front of me kicked up this rock that made a direct hit on the lower-middle part of my windshield. Immediately made an almost-perfect circle with a dot in the middle, kind of like the first symptom of Lyme disease.

Fortunately, my car insurance (still being paid by my parents) provides comprehensive windshield coverage. In fact, they said that they don't need to replace the whole thing, just put some resin in the chip to cover it up. I thought that was a gimmick and only a short-term fix, and that when the resin stops working the windshield was just going to crack wide open. But no -- I guess. This auto body shop I trust referred me to their windshield replacement arm, and they said they could do it.

They woke me up this afternoon to file the claim. Hopefully it'll go through without incident, and hopefully my folks won't get bent out of shape, and that this won't mean a hike in the cost of the policy. Anyway, the mobile guy came in a spiffy neat red Ford XLT. He drilled directly into the hole in the raised blister chip, heated up the area around it, applied a suction around the chip, pumped resin into the chip, and used a black light to set it. After using a razor to cut down on the overflow resin bump, he gave me paperwork and he was on his way. Cool guy. I hope he's making a decent living doing this. I wonder if I could do it.

Anyway, the windshield on the car is fixed. Now, to everything else.

When I took this overnight job I was worried that I would be going through snow. And then while I'm out in my car during "lunch" (I can't stay in the break room because I need to be alone with my thoughts) the past week I have to fight the cold. I'm worried about surviving the snow and the cold while I try to make some money the rest of the year.

Well, right now it's 36 degrees. While dumping an empty Pepsi can in the recycling bin in the back deck I saw and heard the drops of water coming off the roof. I should probably take a quick walk outside at halftime.

I should be happy. But now I face at least a grand in car repairs, with more money I'll need to spend in maintenance coming early this year -- if I'm lucky. I should be happy that it's warm. But I'm not.

Apparently, Saturn Owners Are A Suicidal Lot

There is this ad in the classifieds back cover of City Pages, the local alternative weekly, that always puzzles and cracks my shit up. It is from a local GMC dealer trying to court owners of Saturn cars. Saturn was the GM label from the nineties that was supposed to represent a "a new kind of car company." For a long time I wanted to get a Saturn as soon as I was able to afford to buy a new car.

I'm still unsure why, but in the auto bailouts of a few years ago, General Motors decided to shut down Saturn and a few of their other models to cut costs. Guess running a company with no-haggle pricing and no union didn't work out so well.

So where do Saturn owners turn to to fix their cars, at least the ones who don't know better than to run to their dealerships every time they need an oil change when it could be done at an independent shop closer to home for about half the price? Well, this dealership wants to save you from your misery, Saturn owners.

The thing that gets me about the small ad is the photo that accompanies the large tagline, "Saturn owners feeling abandoned?" There are several of them, each showing a person in various states of distress completely disproportionate to the not-quite serious problem of finding a new place to get your car fixed. There's a guy resting his face on his hands in obvious stress. There's a melancholic woman staring blankly in a forest. These are photos that should be run with Abilify commercials, not ones for car dealerships.

Does this dealership know how bizarrely hilarious his ads are? They're acting like they're the ones saving Saturn owners from getting in their cars and driving them over the cliff because if they can't find someone that'll help fix their Saturn, might as well wreck them and kill themselves in the process. Maybe you don't want to run a picture that makes those owners look like they just lost a child, OK?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -3). Wow. Fucking wow. I thought the Wild would slow down now that they started a five-game road trip out west. They haven't. This week they were in California to play that state's three teams -- and they won all three. They are now on a six-game winning streak, and they remain the best team in the National Hockey League. Jesus bleepin' Christ, they beat Los Angeles Thursday with their third-string goaltender, their main guy from AAA Houston -- and they won 4-2.

What's the difference? There may or may not be a lot of new guys (I don't follow the team that closely), but it's not as if they totally remade their roster. I guess it's the new coach, Mike Yeo. Somehow, being the Aeros' Head Coach has inspired all the players, the major league ones as well as the ones that have been called up, to play his way. And it's working. From the street to the suite because of the coach? Maybe it really was all Todd Richards's fault.

Let's see if they can keep this up. They finish the road trip at Phoenix tonight and at Winnipeg Tuesday, then they come home for a game against Chicago the next day.

(By the way, I am energized about news the league is realigning back to four conferences. That means Minnesota will no longer be an interloper in a division with Colorado and the three western Canadian teams. They will properly be grouped with three of the four teams from the old Norris Division: Chicago, Detroit and St. Louis. If getting that means I have to tolerate the Team That Was Stolen From Us is in the same division [or conference, I don't know what the new "grouping" will officially be called], I'll take it. Now they just have to go back to Norris, Patrick, Adams and Smythe. That would be so sweet.)

#0: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -6). They have yet to lose since Trevor Mbakwe came down with that ACL injury that ended his college career. Has the team come together, or is it a sign of addition by subtraction? A 14-point win over Appalachian St. and a 22-point immolation of St. Peter's mean nothing -- they could probably win with their subs -- but it's better than losing. They play Central Michigan (as part of a six-game homestand, their second long one; their only away games before conference play begins were in that neutral-game tournament in Orlando where Mbakwe got injured) Tuesday.

#-1: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -1). It'd be nice that one day, the local sports scene would be rocked by news that a non-revenue sport upset the top-ranked team in the country. It didn't happen Sunday. The Goofs grapplers went into Stillwater, Okla., and were soundly defeated by #1 (or at least they were the previous week; I just saw that they were #2 last week?) Oklahoma St., 23-14. They rebounded last night by whipping 13th-ranked Iowa St. at Williams, 34-6. But #3 looks to be the plateau for this team.

They are off till New Year's Day, and the Southern Scuffle in Chattanooga, Tenn.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -7). It didn't happen for the U. lady ballers, either. For the second year in a row, Baylor (this year the clear #1 team in the land) came into the Barn and crushed Minnesota, 89-60. Both this team and the U. wrestling team lost to a really good team in their respective sports Sunday, but I put this team under because this team has much lower prospects for postseason success. Destroying the Air Force by 35 doesn't make them a tournament team, sadly. They host the Best Buy Classic this (against Harvard) and tomorrow (Alcorn St.) afternoon, then they go on their first real road game of the season, Wednesday at Denver.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). I am starting to have my doubts about this team now. They are 2-2-1 in their last five games, finishing a sweep of MSU-Mankato Saturday with an overtime 3-2 loss to lowly Michigan Tech at Mariucci last night. And the Huskies didn't waste time; it was over 33 seconds into OT. They won't be ranked second after this weekend. After tonight's game, they are off until the 30th.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -8). The Vikes become the next fucking victims of Tebowmania. I dont' know how in the hell this happy-feet, bad-mechanic God boy does it ... well, I know that Tim Tebow isn't the only reason they beat the ViQueens Sunday. They have a great defense and a solid running game that managed to run up 100 yards against us.

But, more like the Oakland and less like the Atlanta game, I am less down on this team after this loss than others. The game came down to a field goal at the gun. And the main reason they lost is that Christian Ponder threw a silly interception. He's a rookie. It doesn't matter. Let him make those mistakes. Now, I don't like that we're coughing up halftime leads again, and at 2-10 Leslie Frazier has to feel the heat. But let the youngsters learn the game. If we're 2-10 again next year, that's when I'll get mad.

They play at Detroit tomorrow.

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2). Well, it turns out that right after I posted last week's WMNSS, the team was able to come all the way back from a two-sets-to-none deficit to beat Washington. Fantastic effort by the girls.

But then I was at last night's Sweet Sixteen matchup at the Sports Pavilion where they were eliminated by pesky nemesis Iowa St. If there was one thing that decided the four-set loss, it was blocking; the Cyclones were able to set theirs up and turn back many U. attacks, while the Goofs weren't and the 'Clones were able to drive through them. Iowa St. finished with 16 blocks to the U.'s eight.

The Goofs came on like a bat out of hell in winning Set 1 at 18, but then Iowa St. was able to win a contested second set 25-23. The tide turned in the third when the Cyclones turned up the defensive intensity. They lost it 25-15, and at times it looked like they were going to be ran out of the Pavilion, and I felt like this was the end for the team. But a blocking change in the fourth set brought the team back into it. Unfortunately, a Steffi Sooter set went long (the last of 11 service errors, compared to ISU's eight), and back-to-back Cyclone points ended the match, 31-29.

The guy sitting next to me said that all year they've been a poor blocking team. This is the first time I've seen them all year, and because of blocking, it'll be the last. And even though they repeated their Sweet 16 appearance from last year, I still feel that the program is in a vulnerable state. Interim Head Coach/Lame Duck Laura Bush will be in the second of her two-year stint keeping the seat warm for Hugh McCutcheon once he's done with his National Team duties. Will she be able to convince recruits to come to the U. knowing she'll be gone in a year? And how do we know McCutcheon can coach in college when he's never done it before?

I'm scared for the program, I really am.

Just went to a study today. I needed to get my height and weight measured. I've thought for some months to finally break my personal rule of never finding out my weight. To know how healthy I am or not, I needed to know how fat I was. So I would open my eyes when I saw the scale and take the bad news.

I couldn't see it head-on when I first stepped on the scale, so I lifted up my head, eyes open, and took a deep breath. I heard a beep; the weight has been decided. So before I had to step down or the machine wiped out the weight, I look down ... and see it's in kilograms.

Oh, shit. So to break my rule I would have to take the next step of looking up the metric-to-customary conversion. (sigh) Nah, I'll just stay in the dark. I'm taking this as a sign.

Car Back To Giving Me Problems Again

It was a cold day, but when I drove home from work and was idling at the on-ramp, I noticed that I could not get the car to drive past first gear for a few seconds. And now the accelerator is shaking.

I flew over a nasty bump on a side street when I was heading downtown a couple weeks ago. Maybe it has something to do with that. Oh my God, I hope it's not the transmission and it's just the weather.

Thought changing the tires would do the trick. It solved the little shaking, the one where I'm just driving and I could feel my steering wheel shake back and forth. That's done now with new tires. But the acceleration, gone when I step off the gas pedal, still plagues me.

And I am reminded about the series of maintenance items the car faces soon:

• new spark plugs
• timing belt
• struts (both front and rear)
• systemwide fluid flush

I don't need this shit, not right now.

This Day In The Impending Death Of The Store

All I wanted to do was work at The Store for the week. With my overnight job I'm not able to go as much as like, so I shoot for once a week -- you know, just to stay familiar with The Store in case something happens.

And something is happening. My Father fielded a call from someone meeting about buying The Store Friday. And on the way home he said that he's meeting with some Somali guy in a couple weeks.

Meanwhile, I see that although he now has two freezers running (at one point early in the fall he was down to one), the smallest and oldest one, the one that's been at The Store as long as I can remember, has been shut off. It's been propped open. It certainly is at room temperature now.

The End is coming soon. Very soon. Too soon. It shouldn't be coming at all.

So many goddamn changes. ...

Read on facebook that a friend of mine from college lost his father yesterday.

Then, walking home, I saw that a pizza restaurant, a small mom-and-pop, that's been there for years (even though I never ate there even once) was for sale. They had changed their name once or twice in the past half-decade, indicating to me that original ownership must have given it up. At any rate, seeing that fixture from my childhood is. ...

One is vastly more important than the other, no doubt. But both represent change and loss. Once again, I am confronted with the hard fact that nothing is forever. And once again, I am deeply hurt.

Fell Asleep On The Road Today

My abrupt change in schedule to work two jobs and a huge event this week finally caught up to me. I thought finally being released from work would give me a new burst of energy that had been flagging the second half of the workweek, so I thought I could just go after I let the car warm up.

I was fine till I got close to home. There I felt my eyes sagging and my consciousness fading. Then, while I was about a mile from home ... I saw nothing. And then, possibly, because I don't know for sure, I opened my eyes wide open. I was driving 45 miles an hour on a stretch of road I normally drive at least ten miles faster on. I was driving straight, but the traffic that was dozens of yards behind me was catching up. Worst of all, I knew I had dozed off -- only for a second, but I dozed off.

It's the first time that has really happened to me, completely falling asleep. And I am deeply, deeply ashamed about that. I was so lucky I was only approaching a stoplight instead of at it, that I didn't swerve into a ditch, or that I was not caught up in traffic where I had to stop. Things could have gone so differently for me. I might not have been able to write this now. I could be somewhere else, somewhere more permanent.

I need the money, but certainly not in the face of this. With the possible exception of one day, maybe I should rest. Working like a mad hatter isn't worth this.

Things About This Job

• I still can't stand my supervisors. Self-absorbed, petty nightcrawlers, the both of them. And my supervisor supervisor had better get off her goddamn phone.
• I don't know how successful I am. I keep running around the store, finding things I need to do, yet at the end of my shift I have no idea if I did anything new, let alone right. They look exactly the same as it did at the beginning of the night.
• I'm on my own most of the time -- well, besides the times I'm not nagged to do something else, which I hate -- which is good and bad. Bad because I always feel like I'm not doing the right thing. Many times I'm not doing it right, and I know it. And since there are cameras everywhere I can't get away with it, even though I probably can't help it. However, if I am not getting nagged and my supervisors don't catch me doing something wrong, I can get away with things so long as I act busy. Although I may not be successful, if I'm left to my own devices, there are days that, given the right frame of mind, I'm OK with doing my best, even if it's clearly not what they're looking for. Whenever I'm running around looking for something and failing, all I can think of is, Well, I'm still getting paid, so whatever.
• I thought I'd be able to work late at night like I did eight years ago. But it's hard to stay up, especially when I hit the wall around 4 o'clock. By the time we leave I'm just trying to stay on my feet. That's when I try to challenge myself to find things. Using my mind keeps me alert.
• As much as I don't respect my supervisors, I have a lot of respect for my fellow employees. Good guys, almost to a man.
• I want to take breaks when I want to.
• I picked this store because it's out of the way. I do not want anybody I know knowing that I work here. But now that I see that it's "x" amount of miles to and back, I stopped caring about that. I regret choosing this store instead of one closer to home. Now I have two reasons to regret taking this job.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: 0). Crushed North Dakota St. at home 29-9, then destroyed Central Michigan in central Michigan 24-9. I like that a lot, but I think J Robinson and his grapplers are looking forward to a real test tomorrow afternoon: They visit the #1 ranked team in the country, Oklahoma St. They then host Iowa St. Friday night before taking a three-week-long sabbatical.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1). In a bit of a surprise, the Gophers, who finished the regular season 18-11 overall and 11-9 in the Big Ten, were given the 13th seed in the NCAA Tournament, which meant there was no real danger this team wasn't going to make the playoffs. I thought the NCAA would artificially seed the regional hosts (the U., Florida, Kentucky and Hawai'i), but neither the Gators nor the Wildcats were, even though they were around the top 16 teams in the weekly polls. (And it didn't hurt Kentucky, which swept 16th-seeded Texas A&M today. They get to play in front of their home court.

Anyway, they avoided a big embarrassment when they beat North Dakota St. in three sets last night. But right now they have a taller task: Washington, who is unseeded even though they are higher in the AVCA poll than the Gophs. This very well could be the end. I am furiously trying to finish this right now before the fifth and final set ends. I'd rather not drastically change the ranking of the WMNSS.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3). It's early, but I am liking how this team is responding to bad losses. They began the screening week getting shamed at home by Calgary 5-2. They have since ripped off three wins in a row: a victory over a very good Tampa Bay team, a shootout win at Edmonton, then a 4-2 victory over New Jersey back at the X. As this survey goes to press, the Minnesota Wild are the best team in the National Hockey League. However, they embark on a five-game road trip, the first three of which come every other day against Anaheim (which fired their coach and replaced him with Bruce Bodreau, who himself was fired just days before from Washington. Can you really just jump from coaching one team to coaching another? Weird), San Jose and Los Angeles.

#-4: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). Things were going so well. They swept at Harvard last weekend, then beat North Dakota last night. Outscoring their opponents in their 3-0 week 16-6, and on the road, is impressive. But, as I always insist, let me see them dominate in the NCAA Tournament. That's because, even though the used-to-be Fighting Sioux are the fifth-ranked team in the nation (the U. is second), they are too young a program to give the Goofs problems. And yet tonight they beat the hell out of them 3-0. That breaks a seven-game winning streak.

They are off this screening week. They need it after that woeful performance.

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -5). They left their two-game set at Michigan St. without a win; they managed to tie the Spartans 4-4 Saturday. But in the comfier climes of Mariucci Arena and facing a poorer program in MSU-Mankato, they resumed their winning ways, 4-2 last night. They are playing the Mavericks right now, then will start a two-fer at home against Michigan Tech.

#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: Positive Numbers). The future is fraught with peril. The week began with a 1-2 punch as devastating as anything delivered by prime Mike Tyson: Their first loss of the season, an 86-70 dicksmack by Dayton, which included the season-ending ACL injury to Trevor Mbakwe, the best player on the team. Without his muscle and athleticism, Tubby Smith faces yet another year without a postseason appearance.

(Aside: A few years ago it looked like this club was going to be known for their frontcourt prowess, with Mbakwe, Rodney Williams, Ralph Sampson III and Colton Iverson manning the post and wings. Well, it looks like it's Williams's team right now, because Mbakwe's done for his whole U. career and Sampson isn't developing to be one one-hundredth the college legend his old man is. Meanwhile, Iverson transferred to Colorado St. in April. The irony is is that he left over playing time. With Mbakwe done, he would have his playing time.)

It is under that dark context that this team has managed to rip off two wins, a tight three-point victory over Virginia Tech in the annual B1G/ACC Challenge Wednesday, then a 15-point ass-kicking this afternoon of my alma mater. (Aside: Man, that was painful to watch, my team. Couldn't shoot, couldn't control the ball, and their free throw-shooting was bad. Plus, from my vantage point, they looked to a man undersized. As Minnesota was expanding their lead, it looked like men playing against boys. And the biggest of those men was Williams:)

Something to look at post-Mbakwe: The scores since his injury look very differently than the ones with him. Is it a fluke, or has Tubby let his players know that they have to buckle down on defense because their main engine has been decommissioned?

They have one game this week: They host Appalachian St. Tuesday.

#-7: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4). They needed a buzzer-beater by Rachel Banham to, like the men's basketball team, eke out a 65-64 win over Virginia Tech in their other game of the St. Mary's Hilton Tournament Saturday. Then on Thursday, in the women's B1G/ACC Challenge, they got their doors blown off at Wake Forest, 82-65.

And then it's going to get even worse: Like the U. wrestling team, they will play the top team in the country tomorrow afternoon. Brittany Greiner and Baylor is the opponent, the game a part of the B1G/Big Ten Challenge. (Can a conference have challenges against more than one conference? I thought that was illegal.) The Bears beat the shit out of the Goofs last year 103-56, and Minnesota has never beaten them (0-3). It'll be the first time the program faces the queens of women's basketball since LSU 12/24/04. After the Bayou Bengals, they host the Air Force Wednesday.

#-8: Vikings (Last Week: -6). I had nothing to do last Sunday, and my body needed rest, so I woke up around noon, just as the ViQueens' game against Atlanta was starting. This week there was a game on at the same time, Buffalo against the Jets. When I wasn't passing out, I was watching that game more. It turned out to be the much better game, but I intended to watch the other game more because I knew that a) the Vikes were going to lose and b) they were going to lose boringly.

And they did, 24-14, in a game they were in only nominally. I've punted on this year and don't think it's the worst thing in the world to finish 2-14. But I really am starting to question the ability of Leslie Frazier to lead this team. A lot of people are already demanding his head; my reservation in this game was the third down play late in the game, the one where Percy Harvin was handed the ball and looked like he broke the plane of the end zone. He was called short, however, and for some reason Frazier did not throw the red flag calling for an official review. And then they were denied on fourth down. That was the game, even though I have a feeling that they were going to lose the game even if the call was reversed.

On Thursday, the team finally did the logical thing and put Donovan McNabb on waivers. The man who said he wouldn't mind being a mentor to Christian Ponder and Joe Webb demanded to be let go. Good luck mentoring a street agent while "not retiring," Mr. McNabb. In exchange, yesterday the Vikes picked up one of their former own, Sage Rosenfels, off waivers. That'll turn things around.

They will get to be the latest victims of Tebowing as Denver comes to the Dome tomorrow.

#-Infinity: Gopher football (Last Week: -7). I always put a team that finishes its season short of a championship here in -Infinity. But I have to note that they ended their season on a good one, a dominating(?!) 27-7 win over Illinois at TCF Bank Stadium that resulted in Illini Head Coach Ron Zook losing his job.

That means the U. finishes 3-9 overall and 2-6 in the conference. They were dreadful early in the season, getting blown out by Michigan and Purdue and upset by lower-division North Dakota St. But the second half of the Nebraska game, the one where they wound up losing 41-14, became a turning point for this team. They played markedly better on both sides of the ball after that, most notably Quarterback MarQueis Gray. And that's how they managed to beat Iowa and Illinois. So for that, I have to give Head Coach Jerry Kill, a man best known in the fall for suffering a scary-looking seizure on the sideline during a game, for getting through to his kids, simplifying the playbook, and turning them into better players.

To add insult to injury, there is now a chip in my windshield. It happened last night while I was driving to my shitty night job. There was a van or a truck in front of me. All of sudden I hear this sharp "crack!" in front of me. And then I see this circular dark area centered around the base of the windshield. Goddamn, I wanted to give that asshole in that van or truck a piece of my mind ... or his.

I have several functions tonight, I work overnight tonight, then I have a game tomorrow afternoon, then I work Sunday. I want this crack or the entire fucking windshield replaced, but I won't have any time to do it.

Even though my parents are paying for car insurance now, I dread seeing the bill. There's a possibility that my paycheck through this store will go into covering the cost of repairing that chip. And if it's expensive enough, all the money I make from this seasonal job will now have to go to replacing the fucking windshield. All because I decided to get an after-dinner snack and thought nothing could happen if I drive from place to place before reporting to work. I may just have to suck it up.

Checklist Of Things To Tell Grandmother's Doctor At Her Appointment Tomorrow

• The big thing was Nov. 20, when she accused me of taking her checkbook, prompting Father to yell at her, go into her bedroom (which he never does) and find it for her.
• She is at her worst -- forgetting, acting very slowly and, frankly, pathetically -- when she's trying to find things. It's usually her checkbook, but tonight she just asked me where her identification was.
• These episodes of desperation occur at night. They also usually occur when my parents come home. Father has been nothing but an asshole to her for at least the past decade now, and it's come to the point where she acts different around him. Usually she's quiet but alert and aware; with him at home she is introverted, confused and clingy.
• She is less confused than the last time we saw the doctor, however. Nonetheless, the tradeoff of less frequency of anxiety/forgetfulness attacks is, I think, a lack of sleep.
• Nowadays she no longer accuses me of taking her things. She now thinks that My Father is the one taking her things.
• No angry outbursts since our last visit and the hyperactivity has settled down significantly.
• Since August or so she has displayed a troubling string of outsized facial expressions when reacting to news that is either very strange to her or is obvious. For example, when I told Grandmother I would be going out late at night and coming back in the morning, she squishes her face and sticks her tongue out. I've never seen her do that before until late this summer. Weird.
• She complains off and on about pain. One morning she said she was in so much pain that she felt like dying.
• Grandmother doesn't watch DVD's anymore. She used to be an avid watcher, and it helped in that it stopped her from fidgeting around the kitchen or making food none of the family will eat. But one day, she just stopped. My sister-in-law dropped by the other night to give her burned copies of Chinese miniseries. But she says she won't watch because -- and I might have the wrong word because of my bad Chinese -- watching now makes her confused.
• Father has made her life miserable. Because he insists that she just forgets to turn off the stove and sink and that all she does is run up the gas and electric bills, he has taken away the rice pot in the rice cooker and the wire for the toaster oven. This morning, he somehow was able to unplug the stove, too. It might be a way for him to make her leave ... but this now feels like he's trying to kill her.
• Maybe I'm trying to put too much of a positive spin on things, but maybe her problem is that she has nothing to do. Her best friend is now in assisted living. Most of the others don't come around anymore. And she doesn't go to the casino anymore. Maybe what she needs is an activity, especially something around sunset to help with her sundowning. The cooking going to waste here at home might be put to better use at a nursing home or a bread line or something.