Saturday, December 31, 2016

Fuck You, 2016 -- In A Way (Scheduled Post)

(Just want to say this: I am typing this at work Friday mid-afternoon.  I was going to blog what should be the final blog post for 2016 past midnight.  But even though I tried to remember, I didn't bring my laptop with me to use at Glam Doll after the Gopher men's hockey tournament games I'm coming and leaving work early for.  Since I have to work the Vikings Saturday and wake up very early Sunday, and I have to mix New Year's festivities inbetween, I don't think I'll have the time to do my blog post for Saturday unless I do this now.  This is the earliest I have blogged a Scheduled Post, but circumstances, I believe, demand that I do.  In the interest of full disclosure.)

This year has been so fucking depressing, obviously because of the election (how can so many people think that a stupid bully who may be a puppet for Russia should be President?), but also because of all the celebrity deaths that have happened.

I kind of got reprimanded by someone on Facebook.  A Facebook friend was dismissive of the wave of deaths in 2016, essentially saying, "Well, everybody dies."  For one thing, mourning the loss of someone who you saw in a favorite movie or a song you still sing to is an appropriate way for fans to grieve their loss.  That's all that is, no more and less, and somehow stretching that to infer that you don't have your priorities straight is both misguided and somewhat cruel.  I said something to that effect, though I added that the deaths of many of them before their time (Prince, Carrie Fisher and George Michael had more to give) seemed to happen with much more frequency than in any other year I can remember.  To which one of his friends said, "What do you mean by "their time?"  It seemed like an odd question to ask, but I was sure that he implied something antagonistic, even condescending.

I gave my opinion, and that's that.  Still think they're wrong, though.  I totally believe that more "celebrities" died this year than any other.  It was maddening how many big celebrities passed away.  And combining that with the election of Donald Fucking Trump, and the ensuing death of America, makes me even more bitter and depressed.

But I have to counterbalance my sadness with the fact that, on a personal level, things are really good.  I have lost no family or friends in 2016.  Everyone is a year older, but I think everyone's in good health, despite my paranoid fear of death.  I still don't have a job and remain very ambivalent about going back to school, but I haven't been kicked out of my childhood home, and right now my relationship with my parents is good.  My money pile continues to go up and down, but I'm still not broke and really wanting for money, and I still get to pull tail whenever I feel the urge to.  Got freaky with a lot of women in 2016, a few of them new ones.  That's all the joy I can get out of life.

So I feel kind of weird.  The year 2016 has been awful, and it makes me sad and angry, and so I am so fucking happy to finally see this year die.  But that's because of things I see in the news.  Nothing bad has happened to me on a personal level.  In fact, on a personal level, 2016 has been pretty good to me.

Guess I should keep things in perspective, then.  After all, I don't think as many celebrities I'm fans of will die in 2017, and maybe Trump will be impeached.  Then again, maybe I will start to lose my loved ones next year.

Will see.  That's all we can do.

Happy New Year.


Friday, December 30, 2016

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

This is the last Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey of 2016.  It will start up again in 2017; however, as I always have, I select a new day of the week to publish the WMNSS based on what day January 8 is.  I do that to rotate the days I do the survey every year, which I think is good for me and my writing.  Therefore, for next year the survey should be done every -- gulp -- Sunday, and should cover the previous seven days.  For the first installment of the New Year, however, the WMNSS will cover the events from December 30-January 7.

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Well, holy fucking shit.  This club is so good, and the other teams this week so bad, that The Team That Should Be Called The Minnesota North Stars stand head and shoulders above all other local teams for the final WMNSS of 2016.

They did it -- they crushed the Rangers, squeaked past Nashville in Overtime, and outlasted the Islanders to extend their franchise record winning streak to a dozen games.  Therefore, the New Year's Eve tilt at the Xcel Energy Center may be The Most Anticipated Regular-Season Game In National Hockey League history, as the opponent is the Columbus Blue Jackets, who, as the Wild were putting the finishing touches on the Islanders last (Thursday) night, beat the Jets in Winnipeg at the same time.  That extends the BJ's winning streak to, get this, 14 in a row.  (The league record, by the way, is held by Pittsburgh, with 17 in a row.)

Statisticians and historians say that Saturday's game is the first in NHL history to feature two teams with winning streaks of ... well, ESPN says of at least 12 games, but I heard earlier in the week of consecutive double-digit victories.  Whatever the case, it'll be a hell of a night, because someone's 0 has got to go!  And I wish I could be there, but I have to work Vikings weekend, then I have to go home to eat, then I have to rest, then I have to go to my friends' place to enjoy New Year's festivities.  Oh, after that game they head to San Jose and Los Angeles.

#-1: Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry!).  See, pissing away a 13-point lead at Halftime, failing to close a game out in regulation, and then eventually losing in Overtime, 75-74, to an extremely vulnerable Michigan St. team only reinforces how substance-less this program has become.  They have some talent, especially inside; I've seen it with my own eyes.  So why did these guys pee down their own legs when they had the Spartans by the short hairs?  Well, there's coaching ... yeah, I guess that could be it.

Bracketology projections have these guys playing the Play-In Game.  In other words, in an ideal world, they would be one of the four #1 seeds in the NIT.  That projection probably takes a hit with this defeat, and if not, they have road contests vs. a very good Purdue squad and an improving Northwestern team that could throw them off the NCAA brackets entirely.  (Oh, they beat Arkansas St. on Friday.)

#-2: Timberwolves: (Last Week: -1).  My God, this squad is the sports equivalent of having blue balls.  They play excellently in dispatching Atlanta at home, yet they look mediocre in allowing Russell Westbrook to get another triple-double as OKC trounces them in the Christmas Day showcase, and try as they might, they lose close ones at home to Sacramento and in Denver.  Defense, apparently, remains the bugaboo with this club.

I am at the point with the Woofie Dogs like I was with the Lynx around the 2010 season, before they became one of the WNBA's elite franchises: They have amassed so much talent that you have to think they'd be better than their record indicates.  Fuck, we're still waitin'.

They have home games against Milwaukee and Portland, the latter of which tips off New Year's Night.  They then travel to Philadelphia and Washington before hosting Utah on the 7th.

#-3: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Last week I talked about how deceptive the team's 9-4 record could seem.  The rubber meets the road in conference play, and in the opener of that part of the schedule ... woof, they lose at 14th-ranked Ohio St. Wednesday, 87-62.

OK, I'm prepared now to say that these players aren't going anywhere except the WNIT.  And I don't know if the athletic department knows that interest in this team has waned so far that it's gone to the pre-Whalen and -McCarville days, when they were playing at the Sports Pavilion.  Really, this program has reverted to such a middling state that they have to be losing money hand over fist playing games at The Barn.  It would behoove them to move games back to the Pav, just to save money.

They play at Williams New Year's Night.  That's the day they will retire Rachel Banham's #1 jersey.  I don't know why they scheduled that beautiful ceremony when their opponent is fourth-ranked Maryland.  There's a chance the Goofers will lose by more than 25.  After that they play at Indiana and then come home to play Wisconsin.

#-Infinity: Vikings (Last Week: -3).  Well, that does it; the collapse is complete.  With Christmas Eve's listless loss in Lambeau, the Minnesota Vikings were eliminated from playoff consideration.  Worse yet, they become, I believe, the eighth team since The Merger to start a season 5-0 and miss the playoffs.  But, worst of all, if they lose this Sunday afternoon at home to the Chicago Bears, they will be the first team in National Football League history to begin the season 5-0 and finish with a sub-.500 record.

And with what appears to be an open revolt on Mike Zimmer's hands, I don't doubt that they could do it.  Inexplicably after the loss, Cornerback Xavier Rhodes admitted to reporters, on the record, that the gameplan as instructed to them was to play man-on-man coverage against the Packers' Jordy Nelson.  But the Secondary got together and decided they were going to ignore that plan and instead play zone.  Nelson ripped through the Vikings' defensive backfield to the tune of 154 yards and two Touchdowns.  Afterwards, Rhodes said that they were instructed, again, to play man on Nelson in the second half.  In the day-after news conference, Zimmer said they manned up on Nelson after the first Green Bay series.  Regardless, Nelson was locked down after Halftime -- which, of course, was too late, seeing that the drive Minnesota had going for them late in the Second Quarter ended with a fumblesack, and Aaron Rodgers was able to drive the offense to the end zone just before the half ended.  That made it 28-13 Pack, and that spelled curtains for the ViQueens.

The DBs going off on their own is only the last domino in a series that started tipping over when Teddy Bridgewater torn up his ACL in the pre-season.  The organization traded a first-round draft pick for Sam Bradford, whose achievements, if not his numbers, could've been duplicated by another journeyman Quarterback they could have picked up off the waiver wire.  The Offensive Line was a failure whenever it wasn't hurt.  Adrian Peterson never was able to shake off his injury and, sadly, might have already played his last game as a Minnesota Viking -- and maybe as an NFL player, period.  And the defense as a whole turned south after Harrison Smith twisted his ankle.  And my friend thought this season was entire the offense's fault.

There are a million things that are currently wrong with this franchise.  I can't detail them all; maybe after I put these guys down next survey.  But right now, even though Zim wants to downplay this, he's got a goddamn mutiny in his hands.  I'm not saying I'm totally with the Head Coach; after all, they lost a few games close, which usually means coaching moves played an outsize part in the result.  But ball don't lie, and the ball clearly was in Jordy Nelson's hands when the Vikings Secondary decided they were going to freelance and let Nelson find soft spots inbetween them.  I think Vikes fans would be on the side of Zimmer, too.  But will it be serious enough to trade or let go of Rhodes, who many say made strides this year?  I don't know if you'd risk keeping him around if he thinks he can openly defy his boss.

My, my, my.  What.  A.  Mess.

Thursday, December 29, 2016

RIP, Theatres At The Mall Of America

So the bomb dropped on me last week, when I saw on the Star Tribune online that the Theaters (or Theatres, in proper English spelling -- so which is it?) was closing as of last (Wednesday) night.  I couldn't believe it.  It didn't seem as if it was losing money, although it was a standalone, non-affiliated movie theater with 14 screens, making it one of the largest (dare I say it) independent movie houses I know.  Apparently they're making way for "a new entertainment venue."  I'm thinking it's like SMAAASH, which opened up in the space that, more than 20 years ago, was the spot for America's Original Sports Bar and another restaurant.  It could be an expansion of SMAAASH, even though they say it won't be.  I don't know if you want any mall worth its salt, let alone the Mall Of America, running without a movie theater complex, but I guess they are.

I remember going to this theater a lot back when I was a kid and it was a chain of General Cinemas, remember them?  I loved going there because I thought going to the Megamall, The Biggest Mall In America, was cool.  (Still think it is, by the way.)  I even pulled a double-bill once there; I don't remember the first one, but the last one was the movie adaptation of The Shadow, with Alec Baldwin in the lead.  Thought I could drink popcorn and pop for both movies, but then I thought better and, I think, only got a Sprite to see The Shadow.

I stopped going to MOA to watch films growing up; life changed on me, and I realized I could see those same films closer to home, and then they (really all theaters) jacked up the prices for tickets.  These guys kept up with the times after they unaffiliated themselves with General Cinemas.  They put in a 21+ theater, which offered table-side service of alcohol.  They also installed these D-BOX (I liked to call them D-BAG) seats which rumbled according to the noise emitted from the loud movie you were watching on the screen.  I swear I bought my only D-BOX ticket for the Terminator movie with Christian Bale in it.  It was weird seeing the movie in front of me while "feeling" it under me, plus these special seats were in the back, so I couldn't help but notice the other moviegoers and the theater in the edges of my vision, so I didn't think it was worth the price.

But I didn't think that place was dilapidated.  Sure, it could have used a cosmetic upgrade, but the screens seemed to still be good, the sound system wasn't obsolete, and all the seats reclined and there were cup holders and everything.  The bathrooms also could've been freshened up, but it's not as if the toilets weren't working.  (Quick aside: There were two men's rooms in the Theatres MOA.  Each had three urinals in the front, but if you walked toward the back, you would see another pair there.  I swear that the two back urinals were used 10% of the time the front three were.  Weird planning, and if the theaters would've been overhauled, something would've been done about that.)  In other words, that place wasn't a lost cause.  And again, a mall still needs a theater.  So what are they going to do now?

---

I totally took a nostalgia trip when I didn't want to.  So before Wednesday I was trying to find a discount coupon for Theatres MOA which I bought years ago and never thought to use it because I never had time.  But I was going to use it before it closed down for good.  But I looked everywhere in my bedroom for it, tore up everything, and I couldn't find it.

I swore that the last time I cleaned my bedroom, I came across it and thought, "Hmmm, maybe I should use it soon."  And then I put it in some dumb place where I would never find it.  However, there was one bad where I found two other discount coupons to Regal Cinemas.  I know with almost 100% certainty that if I found those discount tickets, I would also find that TheatersMOA ticket.  But I didn't.  So, either I already used it, I lost it, or I stupidly put it somewhere else.

Oh well, I thought, I won't go then.  Tickets are $9.50 weeknights, and the last time I went there, I remember paying an arm and a leg for popcorn and pop.  I told my parents I wasn't coming home to eat dinner Wednesday night because I wanted to work out, and it turns out I was going to actually work out.  But when I woke up yesterday (Wednesday) morning, I realized I should go.  Hey, it's the last day of The Theatres at Mall Of America.  I won't give these guys any more money after Wednesday because they'll be out of business.  I would regret it if I didn't.  And, after looking at their website at work, I saw that if I showed my student ID, I could get $4 off the ticket.  I would go for $5.50.

So I scoot out of work just a tad before 5 in order to catch the 5:05 showing of Doctor Strange, hopefully in time.  But as I was taking out my student ID, I was told by the person at the cash register that they don't have student discounts.  I was afraid I would be helped by someone who didn't know the rules of the theater she works for, so I promised myself that if something like that were to happen, I would not go watch a movie at such an exorbitant price and instead exercise.

Well, about that.  I passed by Hooters on the way to the theater/theatre and saw that one of my favorite waitresses was working.  Now that I wasn't watching a movie and it was afternoon rush ... uh, I'll eat at Hooters and get serviced by her.  You should see her, she's so cute.

Anyway, while I was enjoying an onion ring tower and a Michelob Ultra I looked through the movie theater's website one more time to make sure I wasn't hallucinating.  Nope, there it was, under "Promotions" -- students get four bucks off tickets.  I knew it!  Stupid ticket-taker.  And then I scrolled down, just in case ... and then I saw another discount: Wednesdays, all tickets are only $6.

Well, then.  Glad I only got an appetizer at Hooters, 'cause I thought I still had room in my stomach for one last bag of popcorn at MOA.  So I went back, paid six bucks for the movie I really wanted to see, Arrival at 7:15, and paid another $6.50 for the small bag of popcorn.  (Oh, another aside.  The guy was trying to upsell me to a medium for another 50 cents.  I told him I wasn't that hungry, and so in turn he gave me the small bag but not filled all the way.  It was two inches short of the top.  He was getting back at me for refusing his upsell.  What a petty jerk.  Well, he was doing that just because he was losing his job in a few hours.  But I really wasn't that hungry, so I let it slide.

The movie was ... overrated.  (I might give a review in the next EWR.)  I thought about exiting through the back, something I've never done before there.  But, if this was the last time I was leaving The Theaters/Theatres At The Mall Of America, I was going to leave the same way I had always left this place: Through the front.  So I did.  And I went back up the escalator so I could look at the marquee and the hidden box offices as I went back down the escalator one final time.

Maybe I should've taken pictures.  Oh, well.  I had turned my phone before the film began, it takes some time for my old phone to boot up, and it was getting late.

RIP, Theatres At Mall Of America.

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

I ate a banana Father bought at Sam's Club.  He bought a whole damn case of bananas.  Why?  Because it was on sale.  My parents are always penny-wise bout pound-foolish when it comes to food.  And so now I am on a steady banana lunch diet.

Just ate the one I grabbed this morning, and for some damn reason there were little red spots in the banana.  I don't know what that is.  Is it mold?  Is it fungus?  Is it an insect?  I did all I could to cut and scrape those areas off of the banana, but I know I ate some of those spots.

So, if I die, and this is the last blog post I write, you'll know how I died.  Maybe.

But This Is Mine!

So the big crush of stuff that needed to be done at the health insurance company I work at is done.  It may not have been done well, but in this business, there is a deadline, and like it or not, once you reach it, there's nothing left to do.

Therefore, as my boss told me yesterday afternoon, there will be a shift in job duties for me.  There will be some testing and other odd projects that he'll have me do.  But the bulk of what I'm doing now, which checking information to see if they're right, will be taken off my plate starting today and given to another group of people ... which, apparently, would be the people doing this from the very start, if not for the onrushing work that had to be done before Christmas.

When discussing this with my boss and supervisor (again, it appears as though I actually have three bosses, although I talk mainly with just one), they were worried about the reaction of the workers who will be taking up the work I started.  It seems as if they know that this is stuff they usually work on, and they'd be kind of miffed to see that someone has started doing that stuff for them.  That's when one of them mentioned that some workers can be very tribal about their responsibilities at work -- "But this is mine!"

Well, I didn't say this out loud, but that's exactly what I'm thinking knowing that this will be taken away from me some time today.  I'll be honest: I've been doing this for the past two weeks, yet I know this wasn't really the "critical" work that had to be done before the weekend.  But I'm good at it, it's a steady pace for me, and I'm not overwhelmed by it.  Plus, I hate change, and yet that's exactly what I'll face as soon as my supervisor comes in and takes these papers away from me.  I know I'll be thinking in my head, "But this is mine!"

Another reason I feel this way is because every shift in responsibilities means I'm that much closer to losing this job, and thus needing to find another one.  Again, I appreciate not being tied down to a job that I might not like, but frankly, I like this one, and I wouldn't mind latching onto this company.  Besides, finding more work somewhere else is getting to be old, especially if the test scoring places promote people based off a test like they're white collar versions of McDonald's.

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Cum Later Or Cum Now?

So this holiday weekend was a time when I thought I had time to visit and fool around with *a***.  As usual I was wishy-washy with my times.  Friday afternoon would've been perfect.  Saturday was free all day, but I would have preferred to go to Southdale and My Favorite Late-Night Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) in the afternoon.  Sunday, of course, was out.

Monday?  Well, after our back-and-forth I opened up that day as a possibility.  I first wanted to do it in the afternoon, but then after she told me her daughter was going to be our practicing in the evening, I immediately thought to see if we could do it, literally, then.  And she agreed.  I wanted to do that because, in my mind, I would spend Boxing Afternoon people-watching at MOA.  I didn't want to short-circuit just so I could go across town for some sexytime.  Also, since this was a day off, I figured that my folks would want to eat early.  Mother thinks that Father would even want to eat dinner as early as 4 o'clock -- a true senior special, is he.  I figure that if that is the case, it would be easier for me to go back home and then leave; otherwise, I would have to rush to her apartment, then rush home for dinner.  Don't want to do that.

And as soon as I told her that would be the time, I regretted it.  For one thing, turns out that even though I got home at 3:30 from MOA, we didn't eat till 5:15-ish.  Also, I was worried about, of all things, gasoline.  If I went to *a***'s place from the Megamall, even if it was going from one end of the metro area to the other, I would have taken one giant loop around town before staying in for the night.  But here I would be going home to eat, then going back out to for her to do bad things to my pee-pee.  That's two loops around town, and in my mind, that's like going out on Sunday.  I prided myself in staying home for the first time since, well, probably since last Christmas, partially because I wouldn't be spending gas going around the city.  That's eliminated since I basically went out twice yesterday.

Couldn't change it at that point; I already jerked her around by saying I could have done it in the afternoon.  But after I dropped by *a***'s apartment I learned more things that made me regret arranging a night visit even more.  First, *a*** told me that her daughter was actually doing things for most of the afternoon.  So, if I wanted to suddenly say I wanted to see her in the afternoon instead of the evening, even though I don't know if she would have been OK with it, I now know she was available.  Also, she told me that her daughter came back home just as I was driving there.  When *a*** heard the buzz of the doorbell, she thought it was me.  She freaked out when she opened the door and it was her.  She was in her nightgown, apparently, and she told her daughter that she was having some "adult" time with someone.  I have no idea if her daughter knows who I am, but if she had seen me -- and if she had seen me with my thing out, which I often do around *a*** -- well, I obviously wouldn't be able to have sexytime with her anymore.  As such, I think it was possible that I parked my car at her place just as the truck she was driving in drove off.  And I figure that I could have avoided all of this if I just came over in the afternoon.

Well, regardless, we did our stuff.  She was, again, excellent, although she talked about going to church a lot.  We'll do this again, because *a*** offers so, so much for such value.  But next time, we'll do it in the afternoons.

Monday, December 26, 2016

What's So Special About Having Christmas Eve And Day Fall On The Weekend

Well, I think you know, but I'll just start slowly. ...

So at my current job we are required to work half a day on Christmas Eve, or its equivalent.  I remember frantically trying to get all my affairs in order before I left the building (and not being able to get back onto my floor because the building shut down and my badge didn't work), and then frantically going to the Mall of America to people-watch (I think), Southdale to pick up some cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory, My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) to boob-watch, then a grocery store to pick up some things for the pasta I was planning to make.  All of those places were closing early for Christmas Eve, obviously, so having those four mandatory hours at work pushed all those things back.

This year, of course, was a different story.  Since Eve fell on a Saturday, this half-day fell on Friday.  However, all the retail stores were open regular hours because December 23 was an ordinary day.  That meant I could people-watch at MOA after work without rush, and then head to Target to pick up a gift card for my brother and sister-in-law.  The following day was Christmas Eve, but since I didn't have to go to work, I had time to go to Caffetto to work on the Internet, stop by our alumni spot to make sure we could watch our game there, travel to Southdale and pick up the cheesecake, and go to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) to relax ... only when I got there, they decided to close.  Oh, well -- I had time to go to Old Chicago to watch a bit of some NFL games there.  What I'm saying is that I felt like I could do everything I wanted to do over those two days.  If Christmas Eve fell on a Thursday, like last year, all those things I wanted to do would be compressed into one day (really a half-day after work).

It gets better.  By law (or until the Trump Administration overturns it), we all get Christmas Day off -- or its equivalent.  Since Day fell on Sunday, we get Monday, today, off.  But again, to retail stores, today is December 26.  Not only are there regular hours, there probably are extended hours to accommodate all those who wanted to use the gift cards they got as gifts or return the gifts they don't like.  It's like having two days off instead of one!

I was at MOA this afternoon, and it looked as though it was busier than Christmas Eve was.  It probably was busier than it was on Friday, the 23rd.  In fact, I'm guessing it was more crowded today than it was on Saturday the 17th, what some people say is the most-lucrative shopping day of the season.  (Aside: There were some lines.  I saw one to get into a beauty shop, which I don't get.  But the longest line?  Lululemon.  Were they running a sale?  I didn't think yoga pants were so popular.)

I understand that at this place I'm working at, we will always get 1 1/2 days off.  But it feels different when you add what you want to do with that time off.  Christmas Eve and Day are Sunday and Monday next year.  That means that we'll get Friday afternoon off, which is the afternoon of December 22, which feels really far to "celebrate" Christmas Eve.  We'll also have Monday off too, like this year.  But Monday in 2017 is Christmas Day, when no one goes out.  We'll be home with no place to go ... and then the next day we're back at work.  That's not happening this year.  And that's why having these two days fall precisely on the weekend makes this such an enjoyable holiday for me.

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Christmas Thoughts

Christmas is supposed to be the most solemn and, well, holy day of the year.  But me, as a non-Christian, I kind of want to get out and do stuff.  Traffic isn't bad -- hadn't been all week, actually -- and I know that if this were any other Saturday night, downtown would be lousy with drunken people.  It can't be tonight, Christmas Eve/Day, so I would feel as though I would have the whole town of Minneapolis to myself.

Two years ago, with me home alone and wanting something to do, I quickly scoured bars that were open Christmas Eve Night.  I have no idea if bars close then.  I have no idea if all bars are open then.  But after Googling something to the effect of "Twin Cities bars open Christmas Eve Night," I went to Merlins Rest, which is known for its huge book and supply of whiskey.  They seem to traditionally be open regular hours for Christmas Eve, so even though there may be others, I know of one place that will always serve as a refuge for non-observant scoundrels like me.  Their whisky is stiff and expensive, and when I went there the only food they were serving were these bags of chips.  Also, a lot of scoundrels were there, none of them I really wanted to talk to.  But for enjoying and contemplating your existence on The Holiest Night/Day In The Western World, I wouldn't mind going there again and again.

And I would have gone there tonight (after all, the temperature's above normal and the freezing rain won't set in until the morning) if my parents were away.  But, golly, they're still here!  They haven't gone on a cruise or went to Las Vegas or anything; through the admittedly above average winter weather and cloudy days, my parents are sticking around Minnesota.

They say that they need to stick around because they have the decision to sell off their properties here.  The lawsuit that was brought against them hurt them a lot, and once the next one was filed against them, they were looking at all the red tape they say the city is making them run through and they had enough.  It's a slow process; they have almost a dozen properties, and their thinking is that they need to prepare each empty property to sell, so this isn't something that can be done immediately.  They've already started it, but they're in the thick of it now, so that's why they're still here.

However, I wonder if there's an ulterior motive.  When my folks were in Vegas last Christmas season, my brother and sister (and their spouses) visited them.  I didn't.  So I wonder if they chose to stick around here to be around me this holiday season.  I don't get that vibe, but still, I wonder.

---

Embedding a Christmas song has become a sort-of tradition here on Wailing And Failing.  This season I have been listening to a lot of holiday music, especially SiriusXM Pops and on The Current.  Therefore there are many songs I want to list.

In the end, however, I think I am going to pull the trigger on Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You."  I recently read this marketing acronym that shortens a well-confirmed conceit that people want things that push the envelope and yet feel familiar to them -- MAYA, or Most Advanced, Yet Acceptable.  The industrial designer who coined this term, Raymond Loewy, basically boiled down the art of selling anything to anyone.

I don't want to say that Carey was thinking along those cold and clinical terms when she created that song in 1994.  But you can't help but apply that MAYA principle here.  I defy you to find any snippet in that song that is a blatant plagiarism of another Christmas song.  Yet the familiar tropes of the Christmas song, from the sleigh bells to, especially, the Motown feel of it, are impossible to ignore.  Therefore, "All I Want For Christmas Is You" has the best of both worlds: Reimagining a tried-and-true Christmas story about just being with the ones you love for modern (well, relatively modern times -- it's been 22 years since she released it) times.

But the biggest reason it remains popular is because it's a darn good song.  Credit this MAYA thing or not, it's just ... good.  In fact, it might be Carey's biggest-selling song in her oeuvre.  After all, it's a Christmas song that gets played every season; people can mint money off of that, and Carey has managed to write and produce a song (along with a person by the name of Walter Afanasieff) that not only still gets played every year, but may be gaining in popularity; yesterday, Spotify said that the song was the most streamed Christmas song in Australia, the first time it's hit #1 in any chart there, I guess.

I really wonder how much money Carey makes in royalties from her song every year.  She could probably live off the money from that alone.  And she deserves to.  "All I Want For Christmas Is You" should now be considered a Christmas classic.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Saturday, December 24, 2016

I Hate This Woman (Scheduled Post)

I know saying that isn't in the Christmas spirit.  Also, I have never spoken to this woman at all.  But in a way that is evidence that this woman is a bitch.  I state my case now.

I remember seeing her around from work.  She not only kept to herself, I could totally tell that she had this dismissive attitude towards me.  I knew, deep down inside, that she looked down on me, and that she wanted to have nothing to do with me.

That standoffishness continues this season, but we have had a few more run-ins.  First, I had to knock to get into this room.  Unbeknownst to me, This Bitch was filling in for another co-worker and training two new people.  This co-worker is someone I know and like; really, she's an angel, nothing fazes her.  In other words, the person I know is probably the exact opposite of This Bitch.  So I knock and open up the door and excuse myself as I get, uh, wet naps or something.  At that point it was clear to me that she was saying something to these two trainees and I interrupted.  And instead of saying, "Oh, that's OK," or something else normal, professional people would say, she just looked at me for a second, then went back to telling them things.  Whatever, bitch.  I'm not looking for her to drop everything to help me.  But pleasantries would be nice, and it's obvious that is beyond her.  And I know that the shit she "taught" these two was wrong; as soon as the co-worker was back, she had to undo all the crap This Bitch told them and told them how to do things the right way, I know it.

The kicker came Thursday, as a result of my OCD and some very unfortunate timing.  I get coffee at a very different area of my workplace.  There is a break room close to me and there is coffee made there every day.  But I don't go there because the coffee is brewed into those huge opaque pots, and too often, when I'm pumping the coffee into my cup, I get to the end of the pot.  You know what happens next, right?  The pump runs out of liquid and makes this "WHAAA-HUUUUUCK!" sound, and that's when those goddamn coffee grounds get sucked through the pump and into my cup.  And so I wind up eating those fucking grounds when I get done with my coffee, and it pisses me off so, so much.

So, to avoid that, I have decided to go to the other side of my floor to get my coffee.  There, the coffee is brewed into those clear glass pots, you know, those ... conventional pots of coffee.  That way I know exactly how much coffee is left.  Unfortunately, once in a while it looks as though I am taking the last of the coffee.  I'll be honest: When that happens, I don't make another pot.  I usually leave just enough to convince myself that the person who takes coffee next will have enough, but will decide she or he has to make a pot.  Total dick move, you're right.

Thursday I thought it was time to be a grown-up, so even though I had to go back to work and do something sort of on deadline, after I got my coffee, I made another pot.  I have done this once or twice before, but in the past I have just walked away.  Honestly, I should not have done that because I have no idea if I have someone screwed up the pot of coffee.  Really, the worst thing that could happen is that I leave so much coffee that the next pot overflows.  It's very possible that I have left a mess when I make a pot of coffee, and that other people would have had to clean it up in my place.  Besides, what usually happens with this pot and department is that after it's brewed, someone takes out the filter with the used grounds.  See, I know I haven't done that before, and therefore I may be considered rude for that.

So yeah, for all those reasons I spent ten minutes looking at the pot of coffee as it slowly filled up.  It got real fucking close, but the water stopped just before it overflowed.  Like an adult, I dumped the coffee grounds and cleaned out the filter holder.

Later that morning, however, I was curious: Did anyone take the pot of coffee I was brewing?  I don't know why I was afraid that my coffee wasn't "popular" enough to use.  I mean, it's coffee -- the workers there were going to take the coffee that's been made.  But I ... wanted to know if people were taking it, I don't know!

So, just to get up and break the routine of looking at papers, I got up and started walking towards the coffee maker.  Just as I was about to reach it, about ten yards away, I see This Bitch walking in that same direction, wearing her yoga shit.  Again.  (This Bitch seems to spend parts of a lot of days doing yoga, because I see her in yoga clothes often.  Whatever she's doing, it's not working, and she knows it.)  And I'm thinking, "God!"  But at this point it was too late to turn away because I would look like a strange dork just walking, stopping, then walking in the other direction.  So I walk, oh, six yards behind her and act like I'm walking with a purpose.

But goddammit, she does the very worst thing: She stops by the coffee maker, just so she could get the towels from the electronic dispenser.  Then she looks to her left -- at me.  I stop.  And then she looks back ... and looks at me again.  And fucking Christ, just to avoid her and her fucking bad vibes, I do what I didn't want to do and suddenly walked in the other direction, like a strange dork.

Man, all I wanted to do was look at the coffee pot.  From seven yards away it looked empty, but I wanted to go right up to look at me.  In peace.  And not with That Bitch getting in my way.  But since she coincidentally was right there, I lose all composure and act strangely in public again.  So now everyone has this idea I just wander around like a crazy person.  It's her fault.

She hates me.  I know she hates me.  And she's dying to show again how much she hates me.  So that means I have to ready myself for the next run-in.  I don't know how I will react, especially since I know she saw me do ... that.  But I can't let her get another one up on me.  I just hope I rise to the occasion when that comes -- and to do so without jeopardizing any chance I have of latching on to an actual full-time job there, which I still really, really want.

Friday, December 23, 2016

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  OK, this is big news.  The local pro hockey team has matched the franchise record for most wins in a row, with nine, after beating Arizona, Colorado, and Montreal.

The weirdest thing about this winning streak?  It's not the longest winning streak in the league.  It's not even the longest active winning streak.  That belongs to the Columbus Blue Jackets, which have won 11 games in a row.  I feel as though the hockey press is covering the BJ's streak more than the Wild's, and they should because hey, it's two more games.  But we're The State Of Hockey, and Columbus remains a nondescript club in a nondescript city.  Maybe I'm just jelly.

My goodness, can they keep this up?  They are at Madison Square Garden to face the Rangers tonight (Friday night), then play at Nashville Tuesday before coming home to play the Islanders Thursday.  Oh, and a head's-up: Columbus comes to the X New Year's Eve evening.

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -Infinity).  So, I didn't really know where to put the v-ball team in light of this news.  On the one hand, their season is over because they lost in the Final Four, and that should be the overriding takeaway.  On the other hand, this is hella news.  On Friday, the night after the Gophers were eliminated in the NCAA Tournament, Senior Outside Hitter (and Eden Prairie's own) Sarah Wilhite was named the AVCA Player Of The Year.  That goes along espnW also naming her Player Of The Year.  It's the first time ever a volleyball player for Minnesota won that honor.

So, that's a big deal, right?  After some thinking, that accolade alone is enough to put this squad in second place this week.

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  So maybe this is the week that the Woofie Dogs finally turned it around.  Believe it or not, they have finally achieved their first winning streak of the season, outlasting Phoenix at Target Monday and then outlasting the Hawks in Atlanta Wednesday.  Sure, they lost to Houston in excruciating, even unacceptable, fashion: They coughed up a double-digit lead late in the fourth quarter after seemingly having the game in the bag, then got beat by the Rockets in Overtime, 111-109.  But maybe that humiliation spurred them on to their two wins.  Maybe that loss was the wake-up call this too-talented team finally needed.  So for that, I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt over the team below, which won its sole game over a tomato can but still hasn't proven much over their season.

Busy screening week for these guys: Home to Sacramento Friday; at Oklahoma City and triple-double machine Russell Westbrook in the franchise's first Christmas Day Game in ... ever?; hosting Atlanta Boxing Night; the visiting Denver on Wednesday.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -4).  Finished their non-con last (Thursday) night by crushing Kent St. at Williams, 92-62.  Great.  But I've noticed something.

They will begin Big Ten play with a mark of 9-4.  Not perfect, no sirree, but Head Coach Marlene Stollings set up a tough schedule.  That's a good thing.  However, their four losses were to Georgia, North Carolina, Florida St. and South Carolina.  Those are also the only four teams from BcS conferences.  Now, they did beat Georgetown and Seton Hall, and they hail from the Big East, aka The Best Basketball-Only Conference.  But if you don't count those as "power wins" (and I don't), they have no notable victories.  That means that these Gophers have no out-of-conference scalps they can count on as tie-breakers to get into the NCAA Tournament.  That's probably why Minnesota doesn't even sniff Charlie Creme's bracketology, which he updated last/Thursday night.

Any headway into The Big Dance this club makes has to come in the B1G.  They start conference play Wednesday at Ohio St.

#-3: Vikings (Last Week: -3).  So I was working the Vikings game, and because I wasn't sure how the people I ostensibly was working for would react if they bolted out of the truck and didn't see me or any of my co-workers just standing there, I made it a point to loiter in a general area betwixt both trucks in case they needed me to go get something.  That was my job, after all.  This general area did not give me a viewpoint to a TV showing the game, however; I would have to duck into the break room to watch, which I did at several points throughout the game.

What I though would help me follow the game was the crowd.  From this area, I was no more than, oh, half a football field away from getting onto the field.  The tunnel leading from where I was standing onto the turf is wide open, so sound would easily travel from the game to my ears.  That way I could hear the noise whenever the team made a big play.

I swear to Buddha I never heard the crowd even once.

I would have rather watched the game, but I couldn't.  Initially it was because I thought I had to do what my job entailed, which was being available in case I was needed.  But after stopping into the break room to see the score, I stayed in the area because, frankly, I didn't want to watch the fucking game.

In what was tantamount to a must-win game, in front of a home crowd probably going delirious because they traveled through temperatures as low as -20, playing against a good Quarterback but an otherwise mediocre team, the Vikings basically quit -- on themselves, their coaches, the fans, and the goddamn state of Minnesota.  Seriously, 34-6???  Not a single fucking thing they did right on Sunday.  I ... I can't even.  Look, I would diagnose what's wrong, but like I told you, I wasn't able to follow the game because I was working.  Not like I would want to watch that abortion ever.

So what I thought would be an eliminator game at Green Bay Saturday (Christmas Eve) early afternoon definitely is an eliminator.  Hell, the Vikes could still get eliminated even if they beat the Packers at Lambeau, which is a pretty tall order in and of itself.  That turd performance against The Bastard Baltimore Colts was that damaging.  How they didn't even show up for a game that was so important may be the most baffling and the most inexcusable loss of what has turned into a failure of a year.

I should give the ViQueens -Infinity, but the college football team in the area made such a boneheaded off-the-field mistake that I have to set aside that bottom-of-the-barrel designation to them and to them alone.  You're lucky, Vikes, but only for now.  You'll be in -Infinityland soon enough.

#-Infinity: Gopher football (Re-Entry!).  Do you know when students riot on campus and the surrounding neighborhoods when their sports teams lose?  That's what it seems like.  I'll give another example, one that I'm sure I have not made up but I cannot back up with actual proof.  I have heard, in the past, of students protesting what they consider to be strict alcohol laws in and around campus.  When I saw and/or read about the story I was lamenting the youth of today.  In the past college students were "woke," marching against discrimination, or the Vietnam War -- you know, shit that really matters.  I swear I saw hundreds of coeds protesting that they couldn't fucking walk around with a beer at all times of the day.  Is that really an infringement of your human rights?  Does anybody really think that's important enough to march against?  Get a fucking clue, idiots.

What the Gopher football team tried to muster over 48 hours, possibly the shortest-lived boycott in college football history, wasn't as frivolous as marching over drinking whenever and wherever you want.  In the much broader context of the rights of student-athletes, they are shit upon constantly.  In that regard, banding together to tell the U. -- ostensibly their employer, although they don't get paid -- that they won't play in the Holiday Bowl unless the ten players suspended and possibly expelled by the university were "give due process" over allegations of a gang rape is a noble thing.  Also, I don't want to blame them for "optics."  Making things look bad is a real-world consideration that does have real consequences, but that's such a shallow way to decide which battles you want to pick and choose.  If you have principles, stand up for them.  There are too many people in power willing to deal away their dignity and that of others just in order to maintain that power.

Saying that, this looks really bad.  As much as the rights of college athletes deserve more scrutiny, so does the issue of rape on college campuses.  None of us have the details of the allegations, but for far too long, universities have looked the other way as woman after woman detail how they were sexually assaulted by a male student-athlete at the university, and then were ignored or dismissed by the university after they brought up those accusations.  That is wrong, and that is the wrong that the University of Minnesota needs to pay attention to above everything else.  Sure, you can say that the U. is preemptively thwarting accusations that they're protecting their players.  You can even accuse school officials of being "politically correct," an inaccurate and, indeed, tired buzzword that more people seem emboldened to use because Donald Trump is going to be fucking President.  But by God, those players have to know that if the college went down the same sinister road that Baylor did, specifically sidelining and then smearing the victim, they would catch even more shit from the public, and deservedly so.  By at the very least paying lip service to by giving the allegations made by this woman, they are doing what more colleges have to do.  The football team standing up for their "fallen brothers" is impotent in the face of that reality.

But what really bothers me about this move -- and this might be unfair, but it's how I feel -- is that this football team is now accusing the victim.  Women say they get victimized a second time when the university they believed would help bring their attackers to justice don't help them.  Well, when you have a power structure like the football team having the attackers' backs, that really is the same thing.  The players may be powerless in the face of the athletic department, and yes, it's the U. football team, so who cares.  Still, jock culture is a serious weapon, and there are people that will rally around this team because they play sports.  I don't doubt that someone knows the identity of this accuser and has harassed or even doxxed her name and information online.  The players that haven't been suspended may not like that, but they enabled that bullying when they held that players-only press conference threatening to not play the bowl.

Well, the administration probably got permission (from the accuser?) to show the players the report of what she says happened that night.  And after they conferred with the suspended players, one whom said that he didn't want the rest of the team to be dragged down with him, the team hastily called another press conference to say they're ending the boycott.  Good for them to beat a hasty retreat from an ill-conceived power move, but the lasting impression will at least be one of a bizarre decision that was quickly taken back after two days, and at worst a horrible diminishing of, if true, a heinous crime.  And, by the way, this hubbub surrounds a meaningless exhibition.

Finally, I have to join the resounding denunciation of Tracy Claeys.  There's standing by your team as they empower themselves:



And then there's completely being tone-deaf to the other side, of which stands who would be the real victim in all of this. I don't want to say that he's held to different standards because he holds a different position of being the bridge between the athletic department and the players.  But when you say your kids siding with people accused of rape are trying "to make a better world," well, you stand in opposition of an administration that is on the side of the victim (again, as superficially legal as that may turn out to be).  Some will applaud Claeys for supporting his players.  Many more may see him as an enemy to rape victims.  Because of that, he may be fired.  Whatever happens, his image at the U. has been irrevocably damaged by this move.

Say this for Claeys, though; at least he's aware of what he has said and done.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

The Beginning Of The End?

So, in the middle of my 13-hour day at work yesterday, one of my supervisors (I believe I have three) said that one of the main tasks my co-worker and I are doing we are no longer doing, as of today.  It has been the main thing I've been doing for, oh, the past two or three weeks.  We have had other tasks that take priority, one regular, one irregular, but regardless, we could always rely on that for work throughout the day.

Therefore I was unmoored as soon as she said that we don't have to do that anymore.  Because, well, what will we do instead?  I think even they understand that means we'll just be biding our time until someone finds something for us to do.  But with the busy season of this assignment just about over, I can see the end of the tunnel and the writing on the wall.  And because I am paranoid (with temp jobs you are never sure), I'm not exactly sure if our end date, around the end of February, will indeed be our end date if they can't find something for us to do.  I like working here and I really like the people I work for, but I have no illusions about this job.  We can be cut at any time, for any reason or for no reason.  And then what?

I could at least feel secure knowing that I have a reason to be here.  But, once she comes over some time today to physically lift our work from us, we have nothing.  I like dinking around on the Internet and I have some paperwork I can catch up with, but if there is nothing we need to do here after this main task is taken out of our hands, well, they'll have to wonder what we're doing here.

And then what?

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

So It Started With Cereal ...

Last night I spent 13 hours at work.  I did that last night, and will do that tonight, partly in an effort to not eat so much during dinner.  (There's the fact of overtime, too, of course.)  I also, despite thinking that I should break it, vowed to not spend money last night.  And I didn't.  That helped me not eat as much food as I could.  Besides, I had a lot of free food that I saved up precisely for times like this.  Still, I had yogurt, a banana and a cup of lime water in the morning, Cheese-Its and a can of Coke in the afternoon, and coffee, Christopher Elbow chocolates, Hershey's Kisses, and half a bottle of water to tide me through the evening.  Many little things that added up to me not feeling fat while not feeling hungry.

But then I got home and, I felt hungry.  Just a tad, and in retrospect I knew I could power through it, but I had these hunger pangs.  And so I made myself a big bowl of cereal, with slices of banana all over it.

I thought I would be OK, fat-wise.  But in not spending money yesterday (Tuesday), I allowed myself to purchase food today (Wednesday) for my long night here.  And I kind of made up for yesterday.  For breakfast I bought this bacon, cheese and egg sandwich.  Had a cup of watermelon water (and by the way, I don't know if this fruit-infused water is any different from just water.)  Bought myself a mocha because I thought I needed the extra caffeine.  For lunch, because its "Deli" section will be closed ... tomorrow (Thurday) or Friday, I bought a whole turkey sandwich with aioli and washed it down with a Coke.  Then I bought a salad that I am going to eat tomorrow for lunch, because I don't plan on using my money tomorrow/Thursday.  And that doesn't count the coffee I'm still drinking and the banana I haven't touched.

As soon as I opened up the foil on that sandwich I became conscious of my gut.  My God, I've been stuffing my face every single hour of my day here.  I have no self-control.  I starve myself in order to splurge on myself, and then some (which is worst of all) in order to reward myself for sacrificing myself.  Which I don't; I'm probably tipping 180 pounds if I dare go on a scale.

Holy crap, what is wrong with me?  And you know what?  After all this, I'm going to go to Arby's and try that Three Cheese Steak Sandwich.  I won't need to; I have all the calories I need, all probably by lunchtime.  But I'm doing it anyway.

I'll watch myself tomorrow.  Hell, that's what I always say.

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Tuesday, December 20:
  • Actually, let's go back to Sunday the 18th ... that's when I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) after "working" the Vikings game.  I don't remember how I wound up with $90 in my wallet, but after realizing that I did, I splurged and got two lapdances, from Sammi (who was the only stripper there that didn't give an LD while I was there) and Katie (because I don't give $5 tips at the stage but I want to remain in good graces with her).  With coffee and the one tip I gave this third stripper, Sierra, I unloaded half of my cash flow there, specifically: $45.75.
  • I have receipts for everything since I came back from Kansas City?  Uh, well, OK.  On Monday, December 12, the day I was leaving KC, I gave housekeeping a tip to clean up the bedsheets and the towels, including the one I masturbated into.  I threw the dollars not on the pillows on the bed but in the bathroom, precisely on the towel containing my semen.  Was that putting too fine a point as to why I was tipping?  Do I come off as a jerk for doing that?  Hmmm.  Total: $3.
  • Sunday the 11th ... it was kind of rainy when I went to the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum to finish going through it.  Two-and-a-half years ago, when I visited Kansas City for the first time, I was so fascinated by everything in the NLBM that I didn't even finish before I had to leave.  Right then and there I vowed that I would come back to that city and check out the rest of the museum.  Well, like I said in a previous blog post, what was left was not much.  I thought I was barely halfway through; actually I was able to get through the rest of it in about 20 minutes.  Oh, well.  I think ticket prices shot way up since 2 1/2 years ago.  It was ten bucks to get in.  Ten bucks!  Last time I swear it was, like, $12 to get into both the NLBM and the Jazz Museum, which is located on the other side of the building both museums share.  With a donation which I threw in the gift shop at the end of the museum, this grip cost me: $12.
  • That evening I drove the 45 minutes or so to Lawrence, Kans., to check out this place called the Flamingo Club.  Won't go into detail, but it was promising.  Tips for the dancers, buying two rounds of shots for this hot redhead named Michelle, a Sprite for me in order to sober up and a VIP with Gypsy, and for less than an hour this trip cost me a lot: $197.
  • Going back to Tuesday, December 6: I wanted to buy donuts for myself to bring into work.  So, because it's sort of on the way, I stopped by Glam Doll (after overshooting it and parking four long blocks away in the other direction) to get a couple of donuts for myself.  With tip: $7.
  • After work I headed out to the library to print out invoices for my parents and their real estate interests.  Cost: 80 cents.
  • On Sunday the 4th I spent my morning at Caffetto to work on my computer.  Think I had a hot chocolate because I didn't want to drink coffee both day of the weekend, therefore ensuring I had caffeine through two workweeks.  With tip: $4.10.
Hmmm ... assuming I didn't miss anything, this was short and sweet.  Good through December 20.

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

My Final Diagnoses Of Death For My Fantasy Football Teams

Even though there is one final week left, I think it's time that I talk about the two fantasy football leagues I am in.  One I run; the other my frenemy runs.  Both I have money in.  And both I will lose money in this year.

The one I run is the one I won last year.  I did mainly on a decision I made/discovered in an act of desperation.  Kind of like the advent of Daily Fantasy Sports, I started turning over the whole roster I had Opening Day.  Part of it was by necessity; I had some bye weeks coming up and I had to drop some of my players, and some of the others I had drafted simply weren't playing well.

In exchange, I needed to find players to pick up.  But which ones?  That's where I went to Yahoo! Fantasy Sports and SI.com, both of which run weekly free agent pick-up stories around every Tuesday, just before leagues usually allow waiver acquisitions.  I needed help, so last year I started regularly, then religiously, looking and following their advice in getting players.  And I couldn't argue with the results: I won the league I run, and I finished first-division in the other.

This year I did not do as well.  With the possible exception of Tyreke Hill, I can't think of a single impact free agent that has helped me.  Meanwhile, I had long losing streaks on both of my teams.  I was so terrible in the league I run that I finished the regular season next-to-last in the standings, so no repeat for me, obviously.

I have to say that I attribute my losing seasons, and my cold streaks, to, ironically, not having a good-enough roster at the start of the year.  I hold an auction in "my" league, while the other is a straight-up draft.  Without knowing all the details, I had to hold my auction on a Sunday evening, which was when the family traveled a couple counties over to have dinner with my brother and sister-in-law and niece.  I remember breaking away from dinner a few times to see how my team was forming, and it wasn't forming well.  I think I had a chance to move it, but I decided not to, because hey, if my starting roster is bad, I can always change it mid-season like I did to much benefit last year.  By the way, the other league, the draft league, was drafting the next day, and I couldn't make it at all because the family was going on our road trip starting that morning.  Maybe, just maybe, if I was in position to actually go for the guys I really wanted, I would have had a better team to start off with, and thus a better team, period.

Having said that, I have recently gone on winning streaks, mostly on the back of the aforementioned Mr. Hill.  In the other league I was in, the one I did not run, I finished third and won my first playoff game last week.  Unfortunately, despite racking up solid numbers through Sunday, the guy I played against had Drew Brees, Brandin Cooks and Ezekiel Elliott, and they all came through with huge double-digit days.  I was done before the Sunday Night game.  And since this league only pays out to the two teams that make it to next week's title game, I'm done.

My only hope is the consolation championship in the league I run.  I barely beat out my opponent this week and so I am in the NIT title game.  The winner of this championship gets ... uh, $10?  Better to win ten bucks than to not win ten bucks -- right?

Monday, December 19, 2016

Thinking About Death Again

This may or may not piggyback on the anxiety I am currently feeling.  The past couple of nights I haven't slept long.  I wouldn't necessarily say that I therefore haven't slept well, because I believe that the nightmares I have been experience the past couple of nights is an indication I have reached deep sleep, something my body has needed after being run ragged the past 72 hours.

But oh, those nightmares were vivid.  Now, I don't remember any of them.  I remember being conscious enough to feel my teeth gnashing and my heart beat into overdrive before I kind of wake up, however, signs that they were bad and probably death-based.  I've been thinking about death again in the minutes before I drift off.  Not as focused as I was before I started this work assignment, but I have fleeting thoughts that this might be the last breath I breathe, or that there's some crazy Republican that will snipe me through my bedroom window.  I do think about that.

All of that has meant that I have been quite tired waking up in the morning.  I felt exhausted this morning, and therefore the nap I took in my car for lunch (and thank goodness the sun was out and it's warm enough to reach single digits above zero) was much needed.  It does not help that I've switched my wake-up time to 6 in order to take advantage of overtime.  But I've been so darn tired at 6 that I have hit the snooze button several times, something I have never done before.  I actually got to work today at 7:45, a full 15 minutes later than I wanted to, so I need to stay 15 minutes to make up for it.

The only saving grace is that, after going to Target, gassing up my car and picking up pizza for dinner (when did my parents go back to wanting to eat pizza?  Is it because it's winter?), I'm staying in for the night.  Maybe my body will reset and give my mind a nice, long slumber, and I'll be fully awake at 6.

The Return Of My Free-Floating Anxiety

So my Weekend From Hell has ended.  Work at the Vikings game was actually very, very easy: I stood apart from the people I ostensibly was working for (literally, I was standing in the middle of the compound the whole time; barely watched the game, and for good reason) and the only things I did were help put up signs, grab water and pop for a truck, help someone grab pretzels, told one of my "bosses" the temperature inside U.S. Bank Stadium, and pull down the signs once that abortion of a game was over.  Easy stuff, no stress ... although I could blog post about something I have noticed, and if I remember, maybe I will talk about it.

Really the worst part of my work day Sunday was driving to work; had a feeling that my car really wasn't gripping the highway like it was supposed to, a result of (as I would later learn through Twitter) all the black ice that accumulated throughout downtown.  It's ... interesting to take this journey through time along with my car now, as it is adapting to life in winter, a season that will accelerate its life more than any other (at least starkly; I have a nagging suspicion summer may be even worse for the car than winter).  I made it a point, for example, of snapping a photo of the temperature of the car when it started Sunday morning, when forecasters were saying that it might be the coldest it's ever been in the Twin Cities.  (The record, by the way, is -23, and it still is -23, because the official temp, taken at MSP, reached only -20.)  It showed -12, but apparently the sensor that detects temp is affected by the car whipping through the wind as I drove, because on my way to Das Bank it dipped to -18 and then, dangerously, -19.  And I feel that such frigid temps do nothing but damage the car -- that along with all the snow and the road salt I inevitably picked up while driving.  Yeah, I'm damaging the car whenever I drive it.  Hell, it's damaged whenever it's parked on the driveway, at any time of the year.  But I feel as if it's really aging now.

But I got home safe, after I got two lap dances from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) and then got some stuff from Target.  Then I crapped two times and fell asleep watching the Sunday night football game.  So right now I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed ... and I can't stop thinking about how I should be doing more productive things than this.

For example, I am trying to finish applying for this MBA program from Stanford.  It's a special one where they will pay for your entire tuition to the program so long as you take a professional job, for two years, in a state in the Midwest -- such as Minnesota.  It seems like it's up my alley, but, frankly, I really do want to do this in order to placate Father.  So while I am trying to finish the application, I'm sort of ... not.  I mean, I have to get a transcript.  Then, I need to get three letters of recommendation.  My current boss seems really busy right now, and of my past bosses, either they don't have the time or I have burned my bridges with them.  I think that on that basis alone, I'm screwed.  So maybe that's why I'm not feeling a sense of urgency to finish this.

In the meantime, on Saturday my boss, for the first time, made the earliest mention of the date where we lose our jobs.  As things have been hectic at work, I get the feeling that all our deadline-strapped tasks we're doing now will stop at the end of the week, as if turning off the faucet.  There will still be stuff to do, but that's why he dropped by our cubicles: He was telling us his ideas of how we're going to "transition" into the tasks that will complete our assignment.

I have thought about what I would do after losing my job.  What I really want to do is go to the Far East and see Grandmother.  But this is the first time I have really contemplated losing my job.  And even though this has happened for over 20 years now, I felt a "there I go again" sameness to knowing that I will be unemployed again.  So more than on filling out the Stanford app, I've been thinking about how I'm going to keep the money rolling in after I get let go.  I don't have any answer, therefore I am feeling anxious all over again.

And that's why I'm going to rub on out after I finish this and before I go to bed.  'Cause I need it.

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Such Shitty Timing

OK, so this is where I bitch about the weather and what I have to do in the middle of it:

  • Friday afternoon was when the snow starts.  It was supposed to dump up to a foot of snow, although the totals were much less than that; there was even a Winter Storm Warning for a wide chunk of the state, the heart of which included the Twin Cities.  Nevertheless, that would have been a good day to get home as soon as possible from work and hunker down to wait out the blizzard.  Heck, I might have gone outside in the night to start shoveling.  But did I do that?  Noooooooooooooooooooo.  I planned on going out with my friend to our annual British Advertising Awards/dinner that night.  Surely I couldn't have anticipated that we would be going out the night of the first real bad snowstorm, but still.
  • Saturday was the transition.  The snow would finally taper off, but the wind would soon pick up and the temperatures would plummet through the night.  So, this would have been a good time to stay home, to shovel and/or plow before it gets too unbearable to go outside, right?  Noooooooooooooooooooo.  There was still overtime to be had at work, and as an hourly wage earner as well as a guy with no money, the allure of working weekends is too hard to resist.  (Too bad I didn't get in until 9:30 because of the damn snow and not, say, 7 like I could have done if I didn't have to help shovel.)  And besides, I had to go Christmas shopping for my niece, and work is extremely close to the Mall of America ... which leads me to another holiday tradition I have, which is going to the Hooters to watch the women's college volleyball championship game.  I had to go out, I just had to!
  • Sunday morning we are expected to experience the lowest recorded temperature in the Twin Cities on record.  That record is -23; the forecast low is -24.  There's a Wind Chill Warning that'll last through noon.  So obviously I shouldn't be going out at all, right?  RIGHT?!?!?!?!  Nooooooooooooooooooo.  I'm working the Vikings game today -- and I have to report at 7 a.m., right in the teeth of this polar fucking vortex.  Moreover, my parking spot is a good four blocks from the stadium, and I saw on the weather forecast that exposed flesh at the windchills we're supposed to have -- up to -40 -- could have frostbite in ten minutes.  Oh yeah, and my gloves are kind of broken, too.  I'm really anticipating that the crew I'm working for would be dickheaded enough to force me to walk outside to get something for them.  If that's the case, I have half a mind to walk out and never come back.
I still prefer the cold over the snow.  Doesn't mean it's smart for me to be going out in this fucking weather, and yet I've had to this entire goddamn weekend!!!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Winter Has Come


  • Looking around websites, I saw one forecast 2-6", another 5-9", another "up to" 10", and another 6-12".  Checking just now, the National Weather Service announces that my city received 5.3" -- could have been a lot worse, but it was still pretty bad, especially since this was the first really bad snowstorm I've suffered through.
  • Service was slow at the restaurant we ate at (although I can't complain about the rest of the service, or the food), but after four hours I had to drive home, and I was determined to take the long, slow way.  It turned out to be longer and slower than I thought, because the train got stuck on the tracks crossing my way home.  Instead of waiting, I decided to see how far I had to drive before I could cut around it.  I soon found myself at a residential street I was unfamiliar with, on a curve that increased in grade, slightly.  Remember that we were still in the thick of the snowstorm, and no plow had gone through this area yet.  Also remember that I have a subcompact ... and when I tried to climb this street, through the dirty snow that had already fallen, I slooooooooowly ground to a halt.  I tried stepping on the gas until I was worried I would burn my transmission, and I still couldn't move.  That's when I thought, "My God, I'm going to die here."  And then, "My God, this car is no good in the winter."  So I turned around and tried to find another, less hilly way home, and at that point I was close to the point where the train was and it had moved on and so I got home at close to 1.
  • I wanted to get up at 6 and head to work at 7; there's overtime to be had.  But this goddamn snowstorm gave me tremendous pause.  I have never hit the snooze button as much as the, oh, six or seven times I did this morning.  It had to do with the snow I needed to shovel in order to get out of the driveway.  I was more than content with shoveling the bottom half of the driveway, the one where the plow kicked up the snow off of the road in order to clear our street, and then the tracks up to my car.  I wondered, though, if my parents would have minded that I didn't use the snowblower, the one I think didn't work.  So that's why I stayed in bed till 7 and then got up a bit before 7:30.
  • By that time my parents were up, so any attempt at surreptitious shoveling was gone.  However, My Father, quite pleasantly, suggested that I use the snowblower as I got dressed up to go outside.  And then, as I was waiting for it to warm up (not having any intention of using it because I thought it didn't work), Father came out to help me.  And I don't know how, but he had the magic touch and the snowplow was working.  So, as I was using the shovel to clear the pathway up to the stoop and other nooks and crannies, Father, all 70+ years of him, guided our black beauty up and down the driveway, making the 5.3" of snow his bitch.  I don't know why or how he wasn't so crusty this morning, but it may have to do with Mother, after not seeing her for two days presumably because she was ill, up and about; I saw the two of them together eating breakfast.  As a kicker, they asked few questions as I left.  I told them the truth; I was working, then I planned to shop for my niece.  And they said be careful, and I left.

Friday, December 16, 2016

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Well, looky here!  A perfect 4-0 record this week with wins over Edmonton, St. Louis, Florida and, maybe most impressive at all, at Nashville.  That gives the Wild a six-game winning streak and a 17-12 record, and their 38 points put them tied for second-best in the Western Conference.  You know, this Eric Staal guy, who scored two goals in beating the Predators last (Thursday) night and now has nine goals in the season, could be The Free Agent Pick-Up Of The Year.

Can they keep this up?  They host The Bastard Winnipeg Jets and The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, then play at Montreal Thursday in the first of two road games in as many days.

#0: Gopher wrestling (Re-Entry!).  Well, looky here!!  A program suddenly thrust into turmoil after the man who elevated it to greatness was fired, and coming off a humiliation at home to Oklahoma St. and a fourth-place finish at the Cliff Keen Invitational, the Gopher grapplers began B1G play by going to the state of Michigan and beating Michigan St. and Michigan.  The defeat of the Wolverines Sunday is really noteworthy because they were ranked tenth at the time.  Done 12-3 through four matches, the U. ripped off five wins in a row.  The middle three gave bonus points -- two Major Decisions followed by a Technical Fall courtesy of sixth-ranked Michael Kroells at 285 lbs.  That vaulted them into a ten-point lead, and even though 17th-ranked Mitch McKee got Falled by Michigan's Stevan Micic (ranked eighth in the country at 133) in the last match of the dual, the U. escaped Ann Arbor with a 22-18 upset.  That is why I put them ahead of the Gopher men's hockey and basketball teams as well as the Vikings.

They're off until the Southern Scuffle on New Year's Day.

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  Well, looky here!!!  I don't know how good Michigan St. is supposed to be, but whenever you can go to East Lansing and sweep the Spartans by matching 4-2 results (the first time the U. has swept a series at Michigan St.), that has to be good, right?  Justin Kloos is the reigning conference First Star Of The Week, and not only that, was named the Third Star Of The Week by the NCAA, which is an even bigger deal as well as something I didn't know the NCAA did until I just looked it up!  Tyler Sheehy also was lauded by the Big Ten by being named its Third Star Of The Week.

After an 8-3 drubbing at home to Ohio St., having a 3-1 conference record going into their break isn't the worst thing in the world.  They are back in action on the 30th for the start of the 26th Annual Mariucci Classic as they face Mercyhurst.  I bought tickets to this game, as well as the Alabama-Huntsville-UMass game that afternoon, at the State Fair.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -2).  Yes, this squad went 3-0 this week.  But those wins were over Georgia Southern, Northern Illinois and Long Island-Brooklyn -- bodybag games in concept if not in name.  Nominally they should be ahead of the Gopher men's hockey and wrestling teams, but two wins on the road against a name school are much more impressive than three at home vs. non-BcS clubs.  Saying that, better that they won than lost.

They go on their winter/finals break before playing a deceptively good low-major team, Arkansas St., Friday the 23rd.

#-3: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  There's a guy in the alumni club I spar with over politics.  He's a Jew who likes Trump; go figure.  Anyway, we are both die-hard sports fans, and we started talking about the Vikings.  He thinks that it's possible they could win their final four games, and he felt as though 10-6 (and we spoke about this before they lost to Dallas because we assumed the Cowboys would beat them; of course, we were right) would get the squad into the playoffs.  I agreed with him.

Just thought about putting that vignette into the WMNSS just because.

The Vikes' fading playoff hopes were revived with a 25-16 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars that nevertheless still exposed the season-long woes with the offense.  The Vikes' mustered, I think, only four Field Goals to take a 12-0 lead.  And the listless Jags were leading entering the fourth quarter, 16-12, before the Vikings erupted with 13 points.  (As much as Adam Thielen has announced himself a player in the NFL, Kyle Rudolph may be the most dependable receiver on the team.)  If they had lost -- oh, for crissake, they would have caught so much hell in Minnesota.  Still, they're on the outside looking in; it appears as though they would have to hope for Tampa Bay, Washington and Green Bay to lose a couple times in order for them to get into the playoffs.  And again, that's assuming they run the table.

Next week's game in Lambeau is starting to look like an eliminator game.  But first, they have to hold serve at home against the Indianapolis Colts Sunday.  That team looks like shit on defense, but so do the Vikings on offense.  Defensively, Minnesota is quite banged up but they're still very effective.  But so are The Bastard Baltimore Colts' offense -- well, save for that offensive line.  I'll be at this game to work (assuming I don't freeze from the cold or die after slipping off the highway due to snow) and I want to see the battles of strength vs. strength and weakness vs. weakness.

#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -1).  I appreciate the continuing scheduling of the top teams in women's b-ball.  I really do.  Yet I see that the Goofs went into eighth-ranked (were they ranked eighth?) South Carolina and got their asses kicked Sunday, 98-58.  The only good that came of that is that they, and we, found out how good they were.  Not to put too fine a point on it, they're not that good.  But hey, they did come back home and beat Belmont Wednesday ... by a point, 75-74.

They host their final tune-up in the non-con Thursday against Kent St.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  Britt Robson of MinnPost posted last Friday about how atrociously shitty the Woofie Dogs have been on the defensive end.  Taking that development along with remembering that this organization hired Tom Thibodeau because of his defensive prowess makes the continuing problems with this team -- which suffered through a 1-2 week, even though that one win was over Thibs's old team, the Chicago Bulls, and was in Chicago -- all the more alarming.

That victory was on Tuesday.  This squad is off till Saturday, when they face Houston.  They host Phoenix Monday, then go to Atlanta Wednesday.

#-Infinity: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  You know, when I wrote last week's survey, I forgot that the Final Four kicks off on a Thursday and not on a Friday.  Therefore, if the Gophers were to make it out of Regionals (which they did, pipping Missouri in four sets and then sweeping UCLA), their national semifinal game would be eligible for this week's WMNSS.

And because of that, they wind up at the very bottom of this long list as a bow to their season, an upset four-set loss to volleyball nemesis Stanford.  I didn't watch the game and I'm not really interested in reading into why they lost because, hey, they fucking lost to a lower seed and, more importantly, they lost, period.  But I think I saw in passing that, like, the Cardinal blocked a lot.

Look, making back-to-back Final Fours, the fifth time the program has done it, is a hell of a thing.  But by seed, they should have reached the title game.  In fact, they looked good enough to win the championship for the first time ever.  But they got beat by the sixth-seeded Cardinal, a team that, at least on paper, the Goofs should have beat.  I don't think I need to take this well, and it doesn't matter how good this team was and how successful this season was.

Per tradition, I plan on going to Hooters to watch the NCAA championship game, which will pit Stanford against another vaunted nemesis for Gopher volleyball and another school I have reason to hate, Texas.  (The Longhorns, seeded fourth, not only upset the top-seeded team in the tourney, Nebraska, they swept them.  How does the fuck does that happen?!)  But I won't particularly like seeing two teams I have personal animosity for play for a title.  Maybe I'll just take pleasure in seeing one of them lose.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Fuck North Carolina

The racist, power-hungry, unfair soon-to-be-ex-governor of North Carolina, Pat McCrory, with the help of an overwhelming gerrymandered legislature (do I have to mention that these guys are Republican?), has just convened a special session because McCrory lost the governor's race.  These guys have basically fucked a state I thought about visiting through racist and hateful bills that have punished minorities, twisted the state education system and transferred the money behind the state to McCrory and his rich Republican cronies.

But with him losing, instead of setting the stage for a peaceful transition of power, they have instead put the legislature back into session for the sole purpose of passing bills aimed to neuter the power of the new governor, Democrat Roy Cooper.  Look through this list.  It's infuriating to think that anybody in America would think they can get away with it.  But these guys can, and they will, because they're Republican and there's nothing redeemable about them.

Fucking goddamn Republican assholes.

And Then They Came For The Media, And I Did Not Speak Up For The Media Because Both Sides Think The Media Sucks

Even though I'm not in journalism, I feel as though my degree in it lends me a certain obligation to monitor the news.  You may thus accuse me of bias, but I think that The Media, which has taken a beating ever since I left college, has gotten a bum rap when it comes to allegations that they didn't do their job during the election campaign.  And I still stand by that.

Have there been missteps?  Yes.  Has it been worse than in previous campaigns or stories?  I guess so.  A lot has been made, in particular, at how shitty the New York Times has been towards Hillary and Bill Clinton ever since they came on to the national stage in 1992.  This falls into a common accusation about campaign coverage: They were assailing Hillary Clinton with these e-mails and the Benghazi scandal (both of which were bullshit) because The Media needed a tight race in order to sell advertisers and make money.

I can see that, mostly because it makes sense.  It's not right; the business logic behind it is the main reason I'm not in journalism.  But it makes sense if a media company wants to stay in business.  However, a lot of people have gone beyond that specific allegation to damn all reporting on Election 2016 as unfair.  Such media-bashing has historically come from Republicans, but increasingly, and based on some kernels of truth (don't all lies have kernels of truth in them, the way a turd has different-colored specks of ... whatever that is in them?), this year I felt that a ton of leftists hammered The Media for both giving Donald Trump hundreds of hours of free publicity without calling him out on all the lies and rude things he said on the campaign trail.

See, I can't completely say that is unfair, but my feelings jibe with that of Eric Black of MinnPost in this piece, where he defends The Media's role in scrutinizing and calling out Trump on his lies.  There is always a danger of promoting someone you're reporting about; it's kind of like Schrodinger's Cat, or maybe I'm using the wrong analogy.  But nevertheless I think that there in fact were journalists doing their job, and knew that Trump was full of shit, and did their damnedest to let everyone know he was, factually, full of shit.  I know, because I was one of those people so informed.  So it strikes me as odd and very sad that people don't believe The Media has been on the ball on this.  So I totally agree with Black when he says:
The point is, if you don’t know that Trump’s issue positions don’t add up, it’s because you don’t care to know, it’s not because “the media” didn’t report it.
But I'm afraid it's too late, not after Trump apparently won the Electoral College.  The unthinkable has happened: A unqualified asshole has been democratically (at least for now; this Russian hacking thing is a little bit beyond my grasp, but hopefully I'll be able to read up on it soon) elected by the people to be our next President.  That has started a round of finger-pointing, and that naturally has orbited around The Media -- from the left for "enabling" Trump, the right because, well, they're still liberal and Trump won despite of them, which is also a crock of shit.

And that's the big danger of blaming The Media.  I am certain that, without a doubt, most reporters out there are trying they're best because all they want to know are the facts and to disseminate the truth to the people.  They are busting their asses to get the whole story, and the story as accurately as possible.  Sometimes they come up short, but oftentimes they get close, and besides, why in the hell are we demanding 100% completeness and truthfulness every single time or else?  This goes beyond the phrase, "Nobody's perfect."  They are correct more times than people on both ends of the political spectrum give them credit for.  So naturally I react harshly when I see people just blame The Media.  It's a hot take without thought or analysis.  It's a lazy talking point.

Over the past several days, both the Washington Post and the New York Times published long, rigorous exposes about how Russia hacked into e-mails from the Democratic campaign, fed them to previous fair-shake observer WikiLeaks, and told them to release them to the public at regular intervals to paint and then reinforce an unflattering picture of Hillary Clinton in order to help Donald Trump win.  (It must be said, though, that there has been a story about this same subject on Esquire since Halloween Eve, and no one, including me, seems to have read it.)  Leftists have naturally bitched, "A little late, don't you think?" but these investigative pieces take time.  But now they're out there, and they should be read by everybody so Americans and people of the world will learn what the hell exactly went on.

But I don't know if that's going to happen because The Media has had such a bad rap.  And since Both Sides don't trust The Media, it'll be easy for people to ignore what actual journalists have to say when something really important crops up -- something like this.  This is like the boy crying wolf, only this time it's the wolf in boy's clothing crying wolf.  Or maybe I'm torturing another analogy.

What I'm saying is is that it's up to us -- to you -- to find the truth about matters important to the health of our country and democracy.  It's out there.  You're just too lazy to find it.  And unfortunately, there are a lot more of you than there are of "us," and therefore you guys win, and on Monday the Electors will officially name Trump President and he'll immediately sell off this country to Russia because he's Vladimir Putin's bitch.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

It's Getting Mighty Crusty

I decided to blog post about this after touching myself tonight.

One of the big downsides to having my parents at home (which I am not really complaining about right now -- after all, they can help with shoveling snow) is that I can't wash my clothes the way I want to.  My Father has taken lately to doing it for me, despite Mother's protestations of me washing them too often, whatever that means.  He's probably fucking it all up, but I'll be honest with you: When I left for Kansas City and had, like, four pieces of dirty laundry, and when I came back I saw them all folded up (not neatly, just folded up), I didn't get as pissed as I would have in the past.  That two of those pieces are long underwear, which should not have been washed with fabric softener, even though I totally know My Fucking Father put it in?  Don't cry about it these days.

My cum towel is a different story.  I have two, but I haven't even dared to try and wash them since Mother came home from Las Vegas in March.  I fold them up and put them in the closet inbetween "uses," but I don't really attempt to hide them because I don't think My Fucking Father would snoop around in there.

However, he has complained in the past about how my room "smells."  That might be why he's been taking a more proactive approach in cleaning my clothes for me.  What I worry about, then, is that he'll sneak in to my room, smell my, uh, essence through the closet, and decide he thinks he can invade my privacy by opening up the closet.  And there my jerk-off towel will be.

I was so afraid of that happening that, before I left on vacation, I decided to move my towel from the closet to one of the drawers.  I really have no reason to believe that it would be more hidden down there, but I figured that since the long underwear there is cleaner, it would mask the smell of my faded cum, so My Fucking Father wouldn't detect it.  That's not as extreme as what I did over the summer: I took my other cum towel to my storage bin because ... I was scared they'd find that, I guess.  In retrospect I have no damn clue why I did that.  It wouldn't matter if I still have one they could find.  Fuck, I don't know.

In the meantime I have needs, and so I continue to beat up this poor, poor beach towel turned jizz rag.  And so it gets crustier and smellier, and I don't do anything about it because there isn't a time where I have one day to the house to myself because my parents are inexplicably still fucking here.

Just hope I don't get caught.