Two Things About Re-Starting My Job Tomorrow

1. Asked on Facebook whether my friend, who I met through this job two years ago and worked with again last year, will be there this year.  He said he wasn't because he found other work.  That's too bad -- not just because I will miss his friendship and familiarity, but also because he predated me at that place by a year, and he knows things about this job that I don't.  I now will have to learn those things.  Plus I'll have to work with, and probably help break in, some other person whom I'll work beside.  What if that person is a pill?  What if I hate this person?
2. I asked my contact at the temp agency if my duties there are the same as the previous two years, just to be sure.  She said it was.  But I have always had a nagging suspicion that there are fewer and fewer things that I have had to help these guys with.  I mean, I love the down time there, but I have received indications that my bosses know that we have had a lot of down time.  Whether or not they're OK with me/us working "on call," as it were, is something I always worry about.  In the meantime, with Donald Trump fucking things over (intentionally) with Obamacare, I have a feeling there will be a lot of people being hired to field phone calls from worried and pissed-off people.  That's kind of why I asked if I will be doing the same thing as last year: Will they ask me to do call center shit instead?  If not, well ... I'll have to walk out of there and never come back.

Too much anxiety for a place I love and have loved each of the past two seasons.

Oh, But If YOU Take It Into A Shop For Repairs, It's Fine. ...

This morning Mother and I helped Father haul our huge snowblower into my parents' minivan because he's going to take it to a shop for repairs.  When he told me last night over dinner that he wanted me to wake up early today to do this I was kind of apoplectic.

You see -- have I already blogged about this? -- I asked Father over dinner where he was taking the snowblower.  His answer leads me to believe he is taking it to the exact same place I took the lawnmower while my folks were away.  Thing is, I never told him I did.  I did tell him over the phone that the mower wasn't working (this was after I brought it into the shop), and he told me to have my uncle come over and look at it.  Of course I didn't do that; I figured I wanted the lawnmower to actually be fixed (no offense to my uncle).  Now -- and now that I think about it, I probably have already blogged about this -- their diagnosis was extensive and the cost to repair everything they thought needed to be repaired would actually buy a brand-new mower.  And then once I brought it home (without them repairing it), it worked fine.  But, well, bottom line is I surreptitiously brought it to a repair shop and I'm hiding that from my parents because I thought they would get mad, and now they're doing it.

Am I calling them hypocrites?  Uh, no.  They're doing what I decided to do; I just didn't tell them.  Nevertheless, there's a high chance that, as I type this, My Father will give the person taking in the snowblower his information and she or he will go, "Oh, you've already been here!" and my dad will go, "What?!" and then the worker will explain and he's going to come back either tonight or tomorrow and say, "So, you brought in the lawnmower to get it repaired when I told you not to. ..."

While we were trying to lift the blower into the minivan, I mentioned to My Father, "So, you didn't get my uncle to come and help you look at this?"  He may not have heard me.

The List Of Items I Am Donating To Goodwill Today

• Black/Dark Gray/Charcoal Gap khakis: They're great and they've been really good to me, but unfortunately, I don't fit in them anymore.
• A pair of light gray socks: Both have holes in the heels.
• Beige-and-white-striped Gap khakis: I remember last year, while I was working a Vikings game, I bent over and it ripped at my asshole.
• A blue-on-dark blue-vertical striped Perry Ellis shirt that was given to me by the one who hired me as an intern at the El Paso baseball club back in 2001: A series of washings and hangings has created hanger spots at the shoulders.  It's been good to me as well; the guy gave me the clothes, I took them back to Minnesota with me and wore them from time to time.  But those ... pilling spots (?) are too noticeable for me to wear this anymore, I'm afraid.
• Boxers from American Eagle, the one that's white but has a series of one wide yellow and two narrow blue stripes that run vertically throughout it: There's a tear in the, uh, underneath place.
• Boxers from Aeropostale, the one that's blue but is checkered, Mondrian-style and has a one-button fly: The elastic band is all stretched out.
• The red, checkered pajama bottoms Grandmother bought for me: I wouldn't mind still wearing it, to be honest with you, but the elastic band is all stretched out, the waistband is starting to tear (I put them on and when I tied it up with the drawstring, I tore it some more), and there's a rip just to the left of the one-button fly.  My parents would have a field day if I wore this.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  Well, not only was I working the game last Sunday vs. The Bastard Cleveland Browns, I was on the field all game.  And that may have been the most lackadaisical easy win I've seen the Vikings get in my lifetime.  The Ravens could not get anything going at all on offense.  I heard the Center lose it a couple times about not knowing where the block.  In fact, it felt as though that team didn't really want to play the game.  That results in a 24-16 victory for the Vikings that was not as close as the score indicates.

The Vikes get the top spot because of how things are going for them.  Not only did they win to get to 5-2, the Green Bay Packers lost at home to the New Orleans Saints, 26-17, putting Minnesota in first place.  Also, they are one of seven teams with just two losses; only the Philadelphia Eagles have only one loss.  And while the Pack and the Detroit Lions have an upgrade in their schedule, the Vikes go to Twickenham and face the Cleveland Browns in the Sunday Morning game.  Prospects for them winning the National Football Conference North Division and clinching a playoff spot -- the realistic goal for this organization this year -- look bright.

And yet I am watching the game right now and they're behind.  Vikings gonna Vikings.  Shit.

#0: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -6).  Well, this side did as well as they could.  On Wednesday, B1G Decision Day, they went to Lincoln and defeated the Nebraska Cornhuskers in Double Overtime as Julianna Gernes scored in the 101st Minute.  They sealed the third seed for the U. and one final home game for the fans, this (Sunday) afternoon (at 1) against Wisconsin in the Quarterfinals of the Big Ten Tournament.  Semifinals and Final will be later this weekend in this suburb I've never heard of called Westfield, Ind.

This XI wasn't as successful as last year's, which won the double (regular season and tournament titles).  Ohio St. finished with the best record in the B1G, but it looks as though Minnesota will make the NCAA Tournament.  This is a good squad -- I doubt they'll reach the latter stages of the tourney, but these players have as good a chance of making some noise as any other.

But the year-end conference accolades may raise hackles with some.  Sydney Squires was named All-B1G First Team, and three of her teammates was named to the Second and Third.  In reaction to the announcement made Friday, FiftyFive.One Gopher soccer beat writer Matt Privratsky got pissed.  He has a lot of beefs, but the main ones are that April Bockin should at least be on the Second Team and that both Gernes and Emily Heslin should be named to one of the three teams.  Privratsky has a point, especially when he raises the very good point that Bockin leads top-flight women's college soccer in Assists.  And she's only on the Third Team?

#-1: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -3).  I do not pay as much attention as I should to the non-conference men's college hockey season, which we're in the middle of now.  There were a lot of matchups between ranked teams, but last weekend's series at Mariucci (excuse me, 3M Arena at Mariucci [jerk-off motion]) was the only two-game series between Top-10 teams.  And, fortunately for the Golden Gophers, they swept the Clarkson Golden Knights by scores of 3-1 and 2-1.  I was at the first game on Friday, and although they finally got free of Clarkson, they weren't playing all that well.  That's been a hallmark of this team, at least according to fans who are tired of Don Lucia running the program.  Nevertheless, these two wins will look great come tournament time.  This weekend they get back into Big Ten action as they host Michigan St. for a pair.

#-2: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  A rugged five-set win at Maturi over Illinois, then a sweep at Rutgers.  That's nine in a row for the volleyball team, which rose up to fifth in the AVCA Top 25.  Beating a (lesser-) ranked team at home, then beating an awful team at their place?  I think these guys can share by taking fourth this week.  They host Maryland Friday and host Ohio St. Saturday.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4).  The first three games of a six-game homestand were last week, and the Mild went 2-1.  A tight 1-0 loss to Vancouver on Tuesday in a game where both sides kind of lost were followed up by a better effort, a 6-4 win over the New York Islanders Thursday, and then an impressive 2-1 victory over the two-time defending Stanley Cup champion Pittsburgh Penguins Saturday.  Still believe they are feeling the absences of Zach Parise and Charlie Coyle, but a 2-1 screening week puts these guys in the middle of the survey pack.

They complete their homestand this screening week with games versus Winnipeg, Montreal and Chicago, like last week on a Tuesday-Thursday-Saturday schedule.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  This was a weird screening week for the Woofie Dogs.  They played four games.  The first and last were against The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics (Oklahoma City Sunday, at Target Center Friday).  Both were stirring victories, by two and three points, respectively.  The Sunday game was a buzzer-beater by Andrew Wiggins, although the National Basketball Association later said that two missed calls on the Wolves should have resulted in Big Wig not draining that game-ender:



Don't kill my vibe.  Nevertheless, those two victories bookended bizarre duds of performances, a 23-point loss at home to Indiana Tuesday and a 21-point drubbing in the Detroit Pistons' new arena Wednesday.  Now, Jimmy Butler sat out the Pacers loss, but these two defeats to teams that, on paper at least, the T-Wolves should have crushed, alongside thrilling back-to-back wins over a playoff club, makes me afraid that this team still can't put in game-in, game-out effort.  Are these guys going to play up and own to the level of their opponent all season?

This week: At Miami Monday, at New Orleans Wednesday, home to Dallas Saturday.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  Maybe closer than I thought, but the team will not get Floyd of Rosedale this year after going down to Iowa City and losing to the Iowa Hawkeyes, 17-10.  At this point, seeing that this is P.J. Fleck's first season, the only goal for this club now is beating Nebraska and Northwestern in order to reach six wins and get to a shit-ass bowl game.  But that's not next week.  Next week they travel to Michigan to face a reeling yet pissed-off Michigan Wolverines team.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  You know, I realize that I think I should be more worried about this team than I have.  They just had one game this screening week, but it was a back-and-forth loss, at Ridder, 3-2 to Wisconsin, one of the more formidable teams in the WCHA.  The team now sits at 4-2-1 with Ohio St., not one of the more formidable teams in the WCHA, dinging the Goofers with a loss and that tie (which actually is a loss cause the U. lost in a Shootout).

This is the preeminent conference in top-flight women's college hockey.  (There are only, like, 38 teams in Div. I, but still.)  There are only eight teams in the NCAA Tournament.  And through standings and the PairWise, this program is behind both the Buckeyes and the Badgers.  That portends some trouble, I believe.  Now, it is early in a long season.  But past Gopher squads didn't trip up like this, and that should be noted.

They complete the series vs. the Badgers early this (Sunday) evening, then have a Friday-Saturday series at Minnesota State-Mankato later this week.

#-Infinity: United FC (Last Week: -7).  Well, they did it.  Or, more like, it happened.  The Loons actually stood toe-to-toe with a San Jose Earthquakes squad that was in win-and-get-in position for the playoffs (well, sort of; they made it to the Knockout Round, which is only one game, and if they beat the Vancouver Whitecaps they would have faced the Portland Timbers for the Conference Semifinals, which, like the Conference Finals, are soccer's conventional two-leg, aggregate-goal format.  But they got crushed by the 'Caps, 5-0, so, like the Twins this year, they didn't really make it to the playoffs, because they lost one extra game and not, like, two extra games, you know?)

I digress.  So Minnesota didn't let themselves get pushed over.  But it wasn't as if they were dead set against the record for most Goals allowed in a single Major League Soccer season.  For the umpteenth time this year, MNUFC allowed a Goal within the first 15 minutes of the game (exactly in the 15th Minute in this case, courtesy of Danny Hoesen).  Jerome Thiesson tied it, in the 36th, however.  Chris Wondolowski gave the 'Quakes the lead again in the 55th, but (and this is where the match got interesting) Francisco Calvo, one of the "bedrocks" for this side for the near future, tied it again in the 81st.

At that point, if the match ended, San Jose would have tied, and that would have allowed FC Dallas to sneak past the Earthquakes for the sixth and last spot in the Western Conference.  But -- and this is also something the team needs to work on, although not as bad as giving up an early lead -- Marco Urena scored in the 88th.  That did three things that completed the picture of the United FC's expansion season: It gave San Jose the win; it showed that Minnesota was not able to play spoiler; and it gave the franchise the record for most goals allowed in league history.

Again, expansion season.  And it's not as if they finished with the worst record in the league; DC United, Los Angeles and Colorado had fewer points.  But the Goals Allowed record?  Yeah, that's bad.  Now, those guys must get better.

Was It Something They Said?

OK, so it started with the Sunday Night Football Game where Al Michaels said that the New York Giants, who were 0-5, dealing with an avalanche of injuries (they lost all their Wide Receivers the game before) and playing at Denver against the Broncos (a game which, by the way, they won) said was "having a week worse than Harvey Weinstein," the powerful Hollywood mogul who has been buried under a, well, avalanche of rape and sexual harassment claims.  He apologized after the commercial break, but I know it wasn't sincere.  Michaels probably was told to say sorry by his producer, and knowing that he's an old-school redass, this might -- might -- push him into retirement.  I mean, Mike Tirico is already taking over all the roles Bob Costas used to have.  Saw a tweet from someone speculating that Michaels might join fellow ex-broadcast Brent Musburger at his Vegas Sports & Information Network on satellite radio.  Didn't think he was that much of a gambler like Musburger, who I was told was forbidden by Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delaney from calling B1G football games because people know Musburger bets on games.  But I digress.

Then on Friday there were reports that members of the Houston Texans walked out of practice and may have threatened to sit out their game Sunday because of what the team's owner, Bob McNair, said during an owners' meeting last week.  In regards to players continuing to kneel/lock arms/stay in the locker rooms for the national anthem, McNair said, "We can't have the inmates running the prison."  McNair, to his credit, is backpedaling like a Cornerback trying to cover Odell Beckham, Jr. over using that idiom.

It is a heightened climate.  You may think this is crazy, but this climate is in reaction to Donald Trump being installed as President (with Republican chicanery -- gerrymandering, voter suppression, Russian influence).  The vast majority of us who recoiled in horror that this prick somehow became The Most Powerful Man In The World is (and bear with me here) fighting back against the political incorrectness, the boorishness, the rudeness that is a part of his persona, which is also the tenor of the people and forces that swept him and his fellow asshole Republicans into power.

It is not Donald Trump per se, of course, but Harvey Weinstein is also a powerful white man who has been accused of using his power to objectify and molest women, and his pull in Hollywood has diminished to the point where the women he attacked and then silenced in shame finally ganged up on him.  Meanwhile, the subject of police brutality (which is what Colin Kaepernick was raising attention for when he sat and knelt during the National Anthem, which is what this whole thing started off as) is an issue that needs to be addressed but hasn't, and smart people know it won't be under the Trump Administration because the Attorney General, Jeff Sessions, is a bigot who wants to use the rule of law to murder minorities, full stop.  And, of course, the President has nothing better to do than to shittweet NFL players, and once he said that anyone who kneels during the anthem should be fired, nearly all the players got upset.  This is the environment -- the resistance -- into which people are being forced to be contrite over what they said when, in a different climate, people would let things slide.

Now, as a general rule, I'm for all this hall monitoring, only because this is a way to fight against Trump, Republicanism, and the encroaching authoritarianism that people in power our slowly constructing to funnel said power in this country to them and only them in perpetuity.  With that being said, everybody has a line between vigilance for civility and, well, political correctness.  I know I often only talk about politics when I push back against liberalism and progressivism, which is my side.  But I think the criticism Michaels faced and McNair is facing is overblown.

I feel deep in my heart that Michaels is a Republican.  As an NFL owner, I am certain McNair is, too.  They may have conservative, even revolting, personal views about sexual assault and player protests.  But you cannot glean anything vicious in their beings by what they said.  They are just a poor choice of words blurted out without malice towards women or football players.  Michaels was just using hyperbole to emphasize how crappy a week the Giants were having.  Similarly, McNair was trying to say that the owners pay the players and they should have control of the league and some say in what the players can and cannot do.  (This may be a view that also offends some, but that would be an accurate assessment of the current relationship between NFL ownership and labor, regardless of the relationship some players thought McNair was implying when he said what he said.)  That is all they said.  And what they said should not make them as horrible as Donald Trump.

Look, I think words hurt.  I still reserve the right to be offended and upset when someone says something to me that I don't like.  But I also understand that I say things that unintentionally rub someone the wrong way, and I don't want to be castigated for it.  Frankly, I don't know if I should even be criticized for it.  For example, I want to keep my insults.  I want to call a bitch a bitch, or a cocksucker a cocksucker.  I have heard that someone people regard "bitch" (whose definition is a female dog) as a gender-based, even sexist, insult.  And it has come to my attention that "cocksucker" is an epithet against gay men, according to some.  While I can see that in that way, it is so far of a bridge to cross that the uproar over these comments is preposterous to me.  At the risk of sounding privileged, I think I have a right to my insults, and I think "bitch" and "cocksucker" are not words I exclusively associate to all women and gays, therefore I want to use them to express my hatred towards someone.  Please, I don't want anyone, or society, to take those insults away.  I feel so good when I use them to insult someone.

Along that same vein, Michael invoking Weinstein isn't a big deal, and neither is McNair using a common (if ill-chosen) turn of phrase to describe a situation that goes out of control.  Everyone has a line that other people cross.  For some, those two crossed it.  For me, those two did not.  And I think I'm right.  Come on, guys, there are bigger assholes to fry.

Funny Seeing You Here ... Again, After, Like, Five Minutes

I had signed up for two experiments at the U. that were 15 minutes apart.  Didn't really plan it that way; I signed up for one, and then I signed up for a second, but that second was a two-parter, and the first part was done online, and after I did that online part I was told I would have to come to the U. to complete the second part.  Well, it just so happens that this second part would end 15 minutes before this first research study I signed up for.  Moreover, this morning, after I had made the mistake that this first experiment was going to be in the East Bank instead of the West Bank, I realized that both research studies were going to be in the same building.  And to top all of that off, once I got there, I realized that not only are both experiments back-to-back and not only were they in the same building, but they were in the same friggin' room.

So this is what happened.  After I got done with the first research study (with one slight hiccup that had to do with me not being a current student at the U.) I exit through the back ... then come back in through the same waiting room in which I went in the first time (I didn't wait for the first experiment; I got there and the host opened the door and invited all of us in while I was signing in).  I was there for five minutes before a different host opened the door to the same room to bring us in for Research Study #2.  I saw the host for Research Study #1 put his coat on and gather up his things while I scurried past him in some phantom sense of shame to my own workstation.  There was a helper/proctor for Research Study #1 who stayed for a couple minutes as Research Study #2 began, and we locked eyes briefly.  Again, maybe I didn't have to feel so sheepish, but I didn't want to lock eyes with him because he would think, "Hey, weren't you already here?"

But I did both experiments and got $14.75 for the first one and $15 for the second, and now I'm away from the U. and I got some income for today, so that's all that really matters.

Where I Got Into It With A Security Guard At The Dylan Concert

OK, so I did get into the Dylan/Mavis Staples concert.  There were tickets available at the box office, but I spent $80 for a ticket on the street with a guy who, and this is uncommon, eventually went in himself because those are actually his seats.  Dylan was fine; didn't speak at all, just ran through his rearranged songs and the standards he's into these days.

Need to talk about the security screening when I went through.  When I laid my coat next to the, uh, receptacle next to the metal scanner, the "security" guard told me that I need to take all the contents out of my coat.  That is something new.  I have never heard of that before.  And if you know me, you know that there is a lot of stuff in my coat.  And I have to take all of it out?!

I will admit that I didn't take it well, and I let her know this through my body language.  But shoot, if I have to take all the shit out of my coat, I have to take all my shit out of my coat.  And so I did -- my old towlettes, my old tissues, oh-oh-oh, my keys, and I forgot that I had another set of keys in the small right front pocket, too.  Yes, I was kind of a dick.  But I have a lot of things in my coat, and I was doing my best to take them out, like the security guard told me to.  Maybe I could have gone faster, but I was ordered to empty everything, and that's what I was doing.

Well, she got tired of that, and she let me know about it.  First she said, "You don't have to take your papers out of your coat."  Well then, why did you tell me I had to take everything out of my coat?  And then she ordered me to get going and get through the scanner because I was holding up the line.  Bitch (I know people are very sensitive about that gender-based insult, but I need to keep it -- I should blog about this some other time), I am doing what you said the best way I can do it.  And, in a sign that I might be learning to clap back at people insulting me, I must have said something to that effect because she said something like, "I will not tolerate you being sarcastic with me," to which I said, I think/I hope, "Don't threaten me, I'm taking the stuff out of my pockets, and I paid for this ticket."  And I hope/I think that her silence and the rest of my ugly time at this checkpoint, where I finally got through, got wanded by another security guard, gathered all my things (as quickly as I could; I may have bumped into her) and got my ticket scanned, was her hearing my demand that she stop threatening me.

And that was that.  Well, there was a loud and yappy old woman two rows behind me being a loud cunt (no, I shouldn't say that, either, but I love that word as an insult) complaining that "Bobby" was going onstage as soon as she liked.  And when we were leaving the woman who was seated next to me (apparently the wife of the man whose ticket I bought) told me, "Go!  Go!" as we were trying to leave the arena.  "Hold on," I told that pushy tramp (gender-based insult).  I wanted to leave too, and as soon as I got to the hallway, Zoom! I tried to get away from her as fast as possible.  I'll let her go because we both wanted to leave, and also because when Mavis Staples was on, she went through my row twice because she was lost and didn't know where her seat was, so she was kind of fucking batty.

At least I can cross Dylan off my bucket list because I don't have to deal with Dylan fans anymore.

Inconvenient

Tuesday: Not working.  Want to go to a movie, but for some reason they stopped opening up in the early morning, such as 11 or noon, and instead has first screening starting at the 1 o'clock hour.  So instead of immediately going from the coffeeshop to a flick, I have a couple hours to kill -- way too much to go to the theater, but not enough to go, say, exercise.  But I do it anyway.


And then I had to worry about which movie to go to.  I initially wanted to go to the sequel to Blade Runner, which was going to start at 2:45, which would give me a little more time to work out, but that means I would come home a bit past 6, which is a little too late to come home for dinner.  So I saw Only The Brave instead.  It's a good movie, at times a great movie, but that started at 1:30, so I really only had about an hour to exercise.


One other downside to the timing of Only The Brave: It let out early, a bit past 4, so I had all this time because I didn't want to get home too early.  I'm working, you know, wink-wink.  So I went to the library.  But not the one closest to me, because the frontage road to get there is still being paved, for some reason.  So I went from Caribou to the gym to the movie to the library to home.  (Plus I went back out to the library to work on a letter for my folks.)  A lot of driving that could have been cut down if I could have done some things at a different time.  Inconvenient.


Wednesday: Not working.  Big thing today is going to my psychotherapist.  Was supposed to see him Monday, but ***a* wanted to reschedule our fucking time, so we did that Monday instead, and I rescheduled this afternoon.  Got work inside the MRI in the morning, but there is a yawning gap between that and my session with my shrink.  So after I get done doing this (hopefully it'll be quick) I'll eat, work out, then see him ... in the same city where I'm typing this.  My gym is 16 miles and 22 minutes away, so I'll be going back and forth when I know I really shouldn't have to do this.


Oh, and I plan on going to the Dylan concert tonight.  Have no idea if I'll get a ticket, or if there will be decent-priced parking in downtown St. Paul.  Inconvenient.


Thursday: Not working.  Parents leave for their trip in the afternoon, but I will tell them I'm working out in the morning.  (I'll be drinking coffee instead.)


The problem comes in the afternoon.  I take them to the airport at 1.  I thought about going to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) to see my All-Time Favorite for the first time in years -- she works part-time and the early shift nowadays but they open at 3:30, and these are strippers, so they might not be at work right at 3:30.  I could also hit Hooters at the Mall Of America, but only for their Happy Hour, which is from 4 to 6.  On top of that, Ramsey Lewis is playing in downtown Minneapolis in the evening, either at 7 or at 9.  But I have at least two hours, if not three, in the afternoon to kill.  But I have all this shit I could do at night and I don't know how to arrange it.  Now, if my ATF isn't working that alleviates a lot, but that still means I have nothing to do in the afternoon.


(sigh) Inconvenient.

Addendum To: Addendum To: Oh, I'm So Fucked

Through six days, my parents (particularly My Father) have not yet commented on house bad the house looked when they came home.  Probably because he could not, in good conscience, complain that the house is dirty.  Things can always change in a heartbeat -- he can be a dick like that -- but thank God ***e* came over that evening.

Of course, My Fucking Father could talk about me going back to school or some other dumb shit like that, but I have to admit that he's been civil, even nice, to me.  If he keeps this up, me whisking them away on vacation in a couple days will be a breeze.  And that'll mean I'll have ten tension-free days with my parents back home.  Can't beat that.

The Licky Dog

So yesterday (Monday) afternoon I fucked ***a*.  Felt so horny that I was going to burst inside her.  I came in her mouth, though, and I unloaded a bathtub full of semen for her to spit up.

Anyway, after we got done we took a nap, which is what we usually do after we do it.  This time, however, I just couldn't fall asleep.  Don't know why; maybe it was because I got a full night's sleep.

At the point it was futile for me to try and get some rest, so I took out my left arm, which was wedged underneath ***a*'s butt, climbed out of the divot me spooning her made, and tried to get around her on the bed to start getting dressed.

***a* has two dogs, and although they are usually active when I get to her place, these two were sleeping quietly on the bed.  Until I made a stirring, at which point both of them walked over to me and started sniffing me out.  And then both of them started to lick me, which is Standard Operating Procedure for them.  But one of them, whose name I am withholding, is renowned for licking people a lot.  And I don't know what's up with him, but as soon as he got a taste of my hand, he went up my arm and then went to the other hand.  I thought I was going to get out of ***a*'s apartment early, but I swear to God, this dog licked me for 30 minutes before ***a* woke up and literally stopped her dog from licking me so I could start getting dressed.

It's cute, what he does, but damn, that's a thirst dog!  And I know I don't taste that good!

Out, Damned Unread E-Mail

So I don't remember when this started happening, but at some point in my Yahoo! Mail account I got one unread message that I haven't been able to track.  I do my best to read (or more like plow through) the e-mails that accumulate in my inbox ... you know, there was a time when I let several days pass and I think that's when I suddenly got this one new unread e-mail I couldn't find, and as the days passed the date of that message kept getting pushed back further and further until it was impossible to find it.

Well ... there is another thing.  I have recently (or maybe this was two years ago, I honestly don't remember) started starring messages I wanted to go back to.  That way I could scroll down and see the e-mails I wanted to revisit.  This may have been one of those, because sometimes when you star a message, Yahoo! re-labels it as unread.  I may not have noticed it when I was dashing through all the junk e-mail I received, and I never got on top of it as soon as I saw that after going through my messages, there was still one that is "Unread."

I thought that there was absolutely no way to find it, and therefore no way to ever read and get rid of that star/status.  But Yahoo! Mail, I think, converted or changed its interface or something.  And they may have done it several months ago, because just now (aside: I had been meaning to talk about hunting for this unread e-mail message for months) I noticed that, on the column on the left, you can sort messages by ones that are Unread as well as ones that are Starred.  How long have I been able to do that?

I clicked the Starred category.  Wasn't much of a help because there are a lot of Starred messages, many of which I want Starred because they contain information that I will need to go back to.  But I found it when I clicked on Unread.  It seems as though this rogue e-mail is from March 4, 2016, and it's a junk e-mail from LinkedIn.  And since I just clicked on it, I now have, for the first time in months if not years, have zero Unread messages.  Thank Buddha.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  The sixth-ranked Golden Gophers won all three matches this week, and for all I know they will remain sixth in the AVCA Top 25 come next week.  Wouldn't be right; sure, sweeping Iowa at home Sunday isn't much, and sweeping Ohio St. Wednesday at much either, but that Buckeyes win was in Columbus.  Then, the club finished their 3-0 screening week last (Saturday) night by beating ninth-ranked Wisconsin at Maturi in four sets -- that should be a resume builder.  The U. has won seven in a row (a huge reason I'm giving them Positive Numbers), and I'm really scared that they should get a loss or two under their belt so they can work hard to get rid of the bad taste of losing.  This week: Home to Illinois Wednesday, at Rutgers Saturday.

#0: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  How an injury can change a season -- for good as well as for bad.  You may not have known this, but the Vikes were alternating wins and losses, even including the preseason.  That means they should have lost to Green Bay at US Bank Sunday -- shit, they should have lost to the Packers for other reasons besides adhering to a pattern.  But then Anthony Barr deposits Aaron Rodgers on his shoulder in the First Quarter, tearing his collarbone and sidelining him probably for the rest of the season.  Brett Hundley, the Packers' backup QB (and an asshole because he always beat my Trojans when he was at UCLA) stepped in and, naturally, wasn't Rodgers; Minnesota actually won going away, 23-10, and now the two teams are tied atop the National Football Conference North Division.  And while the Cheeseheads are scrambling to see if Hundley can manage the game enough for Green Bay to still be successful, Minnesota, behind a solidifying defense and Jerrit McKinnon finding his footing as bellcow Running Back after Dalvin Cook was lost for the year, may have found its identity and is hitting its stride.  And with a scared GB, a mercurial Detroit team and a Bears club who's trotting out their rookie QB, the way to the division title is mapped out.  That's why I give the Vikes a 0.

Case Keenum is going to be the Vikes' QB for the year; that is settled.  What I was wrong is that I thought that Keenum's presence under Center meant that the squad was going to win three games at most.  Instead, he is not only the team's best QB (he's the team's only healthy QB), but he can adequately scare opposing defenses with his ability and propensity to throw deep.  I will need to see more in order to be convinced, but right now Keenum is actually leading the offense in an above-average way.

Meanwhile, and in an issue that doesn't need to be solved now but will rear its ugly head in the offseason, Teddy Bridgewater was slated to start practicing with the team last week.  More than a year after a non-contact injury that was so bad, some people feared his leg would have to be amputated, he is now fully healed (supposedly) and ready to practice -- and, according to Touchdown Teddy, to play.  Fuck that; he hasn't had real snaps in over a year -- he comes in only if Keenum is in a coma.  Meanwhile, putative starting QB Sam Bradford still has leg issues that haven't been fully explained.  Both he and Bridgewater will reach the end of their contracts.  You obviously can't keep both, but considering that Keenum is still a journeyman and his backups might have lower bodies more fragile than toilet paper, do you want to keep either?

But again, that's an issue for another day.  Right now The Bastard Cleveland Browns come to town today (Sunday), and it would be so like the Vikings if they lose a home game to an offense as anemic as the Ravens'.

#-1: Gopher football (Last Week: -5).  I'm giving the Gopher footballers a bone.  Their 24-17 Homecoming win yesterday (Saturday) over horrid Illinois may be the only Big Ten game they win all year.  Make no mistake; the Fighting Illini are a shitty team.  Thus, that the U. had to survive late against them to win on Homecoming means that the Goofers aren't that much better.  How many players from last year's Tracy Claeys-led team are still around?  If there isn't that much turnover, these guys should be much better than they are.

The schedule finishes with a stronger slate of opponent.  Next Saturday: At Iowa.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  I remember Minnesota-Duluth being a good team and a powerful program.  I don't remember the year, but I remember being at the Women's Frozen Four Final at Ridder Arena and seeing the Bulldogs win in Triple Overtime; I even managed to record the game-winning Goal in my camera.  But then that championship-winning Head Coach, Shannon Miller was fired, and she sued UMD for discrimination; she said she was fired for being a woman, a lesbian, and a Canadian.  (I admit I laughed after hearing that being Canadian was one of the claims she claims in her lawsuit against the university, but then I saw that national origin is one of the bases under which you cannot lose your job under federal law.)  Near the end of Miller's tenure, the program started going into the shitter, and now they're still in the doldrums, as evidenced by the U.'s sweep of the Bulldogs in Duluth this weekend.

That's all I wanted to say.  Oh, also that the club has won their last four games, all on the road.  They next host Wisconsin for a Saturday-Sunday series.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -6).  Minnesota and North Dakota may be The Greatest Rivalry In Top-Flight College Hockey.  And after hosting a two-game series last season, the Golden Gophers returned the favor and played a pair in Grand Forks this weekend.  Seeing that the U. icers are currently ranked eighth and the Fighting ... Hawks are fourth, getting a split is good enough.  Sure, the defeat on Saturday was by a 4-0 score (they went 0-for-6 on the Power Play), but they beat those bigoted NoDaks 2-1 Friday, so I can see this as a net plus.

This screening week they begin a four-game, two-series homestand by playing Clarkson.  I will be going to Friday night's game with a ticket I bought at the State Fair.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Fast fact by Michael Russo, formerly Mild beat writer for the Star Tribune and now striking out on his own (sort of) as a reporter for The Athletic: This club has either led or been tied in the Third Period in all six of their games so far.  With last (Saturday) night's 4-2 win in Calgary, they now have won only twice.  Nevertheless it was a gutty win over The Bastard Atlanta Flames, seeing as they were leading (in the third) The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers 3-2 and lost, 4-3 just the night before.

For the first three weeks of the season they had no game in the week before Thursday.  This week, as part of a start of a homestand, they play Vancouver Tuesday before facing the Islanders Thursday and the two-time defending Stanley Cup Champion Pittsburgh Penguins Saturday.

#-5: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  So this significantly revamped Timberwolves squad, one that acquired Jimmy Butler and Taj Gibson -- this is the squad that will finally reach the NBA Playoffs, right?  Well, Wednesday's 107-99 loss in San Antonio didn't make me think much has changed.  I'm puzzled in particular that neither Andrew Wiggins, who signed a max extension earlier in the week, or Jeff Teague, starting Point Guard since Ricky Rubio was traded to The Bastard New Orleans Jazz, played one second in the Fourth Quarter.  They played their home opener (in the newly refurbished Target Center) Friday against Rubio and the Jazz, and they had to tough out a 100-97 win.  That victory was all due to Jamal Crawford, who scored all 19 of his points in the last quarter, including the dagger three with less than half a minute left to go.

Guess it's a matter of chemistry, isn't it?  This week is a busy one.  They travel to Oklahoma City tonight (Sunday night).  They have a back-to-back (I thought those were outlawed?) where they host Indiana Tuesday and then visit Detroit (in the new Little Caesars Arena) Wednesday, then host the aforementioned Bastard Seattle SuperSonics Friday.

#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Hmmm ... they crush the Illini in Champaign Sunday, 4-0.  But on Senior Night Friday, they lost at home to Ohio St. in a game that I unfortunately witnessed, 2-1.  The wind was howling towards one goal all night.  That was the end towards which the Buckeyes were aiming for the First Half.  I didn't see their first Goal, but it was a golazo from about 30 feet out and it may have ridden on the wind.  Their other tally, also in the first half, came off a Corner Kick where the ball landed on a spot and tore apart the Goofers backline.  The U. took advantage of the wind when a lob towards the Bucks' box forced an Ohio St. player to foul in the box; Julianna Gernes deposited her eighth Goal of the season from the spot.  But they could never the tying Goal.  They seemed out of sorts all match, not connecting on passes and praying that lobs and crosses would magically find a teammate's feet.  Or, maybe Ohio St. is pretty good.

According to Chris Henderson, the Gophers remain on the bubble but in.  A victory Wednesday at Nebraska -- part of the B1G's own Decision Day -- would do wonders for their chances of making the NCAA Tournament.  The format for the conference tournament, by the way, has finally been cleared up.  Only the top eight teams (presumably by points) make it.  The Quarterfinals will be played at the highest seed Sunday.  I think that means that the U. will host another game at Elizabeth Lyle Robbie Stadium, but I don't know if I'll be able to see it because I have to pick up my parents in the afternoon.

#-7: United FC (Re-Entry!).  The Los Angeles Galaxy are tied with DC United for worst record in Major League Soccer.  Regardless of what happens in today's (Sunday's) all-league Decision Day (where are 22 sides play at the same time [3 p.m.], an idea that should be duplicated in all sports), the Loons will finish with more points than L.A. and so will not finish last in the Western Conference.

And yet, on Sunday night, MNUFC went to the Stubhub Center and promptly laid a turd, 3-0.  I have no idea how to break the match down besides saying that it is well nigh indefensible.  And this after I attended a season-ticketholder dinner where all the team and Head Coach Adrian Heath came out and said hi to the fans and said they're going to do their best against L.A.  Whatevs.

One other thing: Their Decision Day matchup is at San Jose.  The Loons will set the Major League Soccer record for most Goals conceded in a season if the Earthquakes score three times.  SJ is in a situation where they need to win to get into the playoffs.  This could be a test for the players.  Or, this could get extremely ugly very quickly.

The Difference Between The Two (Scheduled Post)

(Man, I thought I talked about this already.  Maybe.)

OK, so I'm working the Vikings game this Sunday, and it'll be a different ... company that the one I usually work for.  Contracts are such that most of the games are handled by one company more than the other, even though there are some rules now enacted that could theoretically change that.

(Oh, BTW, I am being vague here to make sure I don't piss anybody off.)

My friend from college worked for these guys full time, and he was part of the crew that was working the Vikings game at the Metrodome.  On a lark I asked if he needed some help.  He said yes.  And each year since I have worked with the crews for this ... company.  It has come to the point where I work all of the games where they're in town, but there may be some games where I don't.  I think I've blogged in the past about not working a game and fearing what that means for my future employment.  My continued employment has assuaged my fears to the point where that is not a point of anxiety for me anymore.

Several years ago, the other ... company who works Vikings games e-mailed me out of the blue to see if I could help them out.  Apparently I impressed someone where, when a friend or colleague of his from this other company needed help, he recommended me.  (I owe a lot to this man; he's a nice guy, too.)  Ever since I have worked for this company, every year.

I have noticed some differences between the two.  For the company I work with more often, I have, through more than a decade of employment, been up and down the dial, so to speak, in the roles they need me to play as a day player.  For these other guys, even though it's been only five or six years, although I have done a lot of stuff for them, I am mostly a gopher.

I'm not a fan of just fetching stuff for people, but these guys make up for it by paying more, much more, for my day there.  That's because they're a union outfit, while the other ... company is not.  Now, that is more than balanced for the year by the fact that I work for them for up to six games while the union shop I have worked a maximum of two.  Also, if I work for the main guys Saturday and Sunday my check gets even plumper.  Nevertheless, the per day wage is something I notice, and something I appreciate.

However, there's something else I've noticed in the past couple years.  The unfamiliarity this union company has in coming to the Twin Cities, combined with the menial tasks I usually do for these people, makes me believe that there is a disconnect, if not a divide, between the crew that comes here and the day planners.  In other words, I have sometimes been treated dismissively, if not rudely, from some of the people who swing by here.  It's not unanimous or consistent.  Most of the time I'm treated well, albeit from a distance.  A few times the people there are real cool, in fact.  But I noticed that there were several other people who, for example, ordered me not to walk in his area while working, or screamed at me not to bring people into the truck when I already know I can't do that shit.  Maybe it's the stress from millennial punks (low blow, I know, but I'm leaving that label here) to do jobs for people yelling at them that makes them yell at me and us in turn.  But I have worked Vikes games long enough that there are people who are able to endure through this chaos and not pull that crap on the people who are only trying to help.  Hell, there are people show grace under fire -- those are the people who should be promoted from these jobs.  And it seems as though more of the non-union crews are the ones who exhibit this level-headedness.  Well, there was that one fatso.  But I've worked with the people he worked with, and he's not there anymore.  I wonder if he overstayed his welcome.  I wonder if people saw through his obese ass the same way I did.

I checked the people coming in for this game.  No names stand out, nothing triggers any bad memories.  But my guard is still up.  I love working for them, and yet I wonder if I'm going to run across an asshole.  It's more likely with this ... company.

No More Yahoo! Mail On My Phone

This time last week, or it could have been last Thursday, I was not able to update my e-mail from my Yahoo! account.  I had been given warning a month or two ago that Yahoo! would no longer permit devices from old operating systems to access the mail due to security concerns.  Even up to that point I had to give special permission in order to look through my e-mail on my iPhone4, but apparently that permission was no longer accepted.  I get it, but even after the imposed deadline passed I was able to just go through my e-mail on my old phone without any problem.  That lasted ... uh, about a month or so, until last week.

Sucks.  I don't answer e-mail on my phone because it's just too small.  But I at least look through it to see if anything important comes through.  That way I'll know I'll have to get to my laptops or the library to answer it if need be.  And now I can't do that.  Therefore, getting a brand-new phone takes on a heightened priority.

Today, between the hours of 11 and 2:30, I took either two or three naps.  I did my first in Rosedale, and one or two after seeing my shrink.  I was so tired after my session with him (although it had nothing to do with the session) that I just sat in the passenger seat, reclined it, and closed my eyes.  I may or may not have slept then, but when I tried to get up to the driver's seat, I felt so tired again that I decided to close my eyes again, and this time I definitely passed out for a bit.

I don't think I have ever taken three naps in the same day, let alone three naps in 3 1/2 hours.  Hell, I don't remember taking two naps the same day.  I don't know if it's because I'm tired, I finally had time to rest now that I am between jobs, whether it's the weather, I was stressed out with getting the house cleaned before my parents came home last night, or what, but I took a lot of naps this afternoon.

Just wanted to note that.

Addendum To: Oh, I'm So Fucked

Well, ***e*, the girl who was supposed to clean my house on Monday and then cancelled Tuesday, finally came over Wednesday evening.  And for about two hours and ten minutes she cleaned everything, and I mean everything.  I don't know how in the hell anyone can clean a house so fast and so well.  And I really don't know how anyone could like cleaning a house, like she does.  But she does.  And even if My Father finds something to complain about, I still think she did one bang-up job.

No hanky-panky this time, by the way.  I didn't have the time, and she didn't have the inclination.

Oh, I'm So Fucked

The girl who promised me she would come and clean my house Monday didn't.  She said she had to help her friend whose car broke down Monday.  Then last night she said she got beaten.  I don't know if I believe her or not, but the bottom line is this goddamn house was supposed to be clean by now and it's not.  And I am going to catch holy fucking hell by my folks for not doing it.

Pisses me off that the people I rely on fail me.  And I resent that my parents are so fucking anal about cleaning that I am forced to do this shit.

Oh Yeah -- My Pick For 2016 Playmate Of The Year (Scheduled Post)

I should have written this way sooner in the year.  Shit, I should have written my annual PMOY choice blog post sooner every year.  But now, just before my parents come home, is the perfect time to finally do this.  (No, one has nothing to do with the other.)

Last year brought something vastly different with Playboy, and really, really stupid: Starting with Miss March 2016, the Playmates didn't show their tits or pussy.  It was an attempt to go "mainstream," and thank Buddha, God, Allah and all the deities above that Playboy realized that it's fucking Playboy, and so the magazine changed its mind back in time for their March/April issue this year.  (One change that they did mainstream, which is both unfortunate but understandable, is to publish six times bimonthly; there will be two Playmates in each issue, one representing each month.)  That meant that this year's PMOY, Brook Power, showed her ass but used her arms to cover up everything for her PM spread in the May 2016 issue, but she dropped her arms to show her nice boobies (but kept her panties on -- still no pussy?) in the May/June issue this year.  (This is the direct opposite of last year's PMOY, Eugenia Washington, who was totally naked her monthly spread but showed nothing but her ass for her winning one.)

I'm not going to count that; that is a PMOY spread when only the PMOM pictorials should be the ones I evaluate.  Furthermore, on principle, I will not count any of the Playmates who didn't show her lady bits.  That's Maxim shit, not Playboy.  So that reduces the field of Playmates to two: Miss January, Amberleigh West, and Miss February, Kristy Garett.

Of the two, the choice is clear.  Both chicks are hot.  But I have seen Ms. West's Facebook page, and she is a raging Ayn Rand cultist.  I mean, libertarian is too mild a word to describe her.  She is absolutely fucking nuts over that overrated eugenicist.  So even though I call complete bullshit that Kristy Garett is her real name -- she's from Georgia (the former Soviet republic, not the United State), and I just saw on her Wiki that her real name is Kristy Goretskay -- by default I say Playboy Playmate Of The Year 2016 (2017?) is her.  She may have no political views.  She may not have any thoughts on anything at all.  Shit, she might be as raving a Rand lunatic like West.  But without proof, my PMOY choice is Kristy Garett.

So I had a really ambitious set of things to do once I got home from the Vikings game last (Sunday) night.  But I only did the four things I needed to do: Eat an egg sandwich; wash the dishes; prepare tomorrow's lunch (salad) and shower.  The other stuff -- going through my old papers, bagging up all the papers, putting away my alumni stuff, cleaning up my room -- all that shit I had no time, energy, or interest to do.  I was working for eight hours and I was/am tired.  Plus I am certain that I now have a cold that I picked up yesterday, and my nose has been running all day and night.

Fuck this cleaning up bullshit.  I'm over and done with all this.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: 0).  A quite week.  Purdue is a good team, but college volleyball is such that even matchups between ranked teams can turn into blowouts.  Such was the case at Maturi Wednesday, where the Golden Gophers swept the then-16th-ranked Boilermakers, 17-21-23.  Minnesota, currently ranked sixth, will have a relatively loud week coming up.  They host Iowa Sunday, visit Ohio St. Wednesday, then host Wisconsin Saturday night.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  So far this season they have alternated wins and losses, and that pattern started even in the preseason.  It was a struggle, and the ViQueens made Mitch Trubisky look like a competent Quarterback.  But a Harrison Smith Interception late in the game and deep in Chicago Bears territory led to the game-winning Field Goal (and not the go-ahead Touchdown because, again, the offense kind of sucks) and a 20-17 victory, only the third win the Vikes have come away with from Soldier Field in the past 17 seasons.  The bad news is that the offense was utterly inert due to Sam Bradford, who, try as he might, had legs and knees so bad that he had to be lifted late in the Second Half for Case Keenum, who was the sparkplug in the club's win.  As of now, Bradford's torso is not much better than Teddy Bridgewater's.

For the W-L pattern to continue, the Vikings must lose today (Sunday).  They host Green Bay.  They in all likelihood will lose.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6).  The club swept Bemidji St. in Bemidji, yet I am not convinced everything is alright with this team.  Because Saturday's 4-3 win had to go to Overtime.  The powerful Gopher squads of yore would have buried the Beavers well before the final horn.  A sturdier test of how good the U. is (or is not) might come next weekend, when the team visits Minnesota-Duluth for a pair of games.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  I was at the Purdue match Sunday.  While the Boilers kept it close in the First Half, the U. broke through with a pair of Goals, both scored by the top two scorers in the side, Sydney Squires (her 13th) and Julianna Gernes (her 7th).  That further bolstered this club's resume, but their five-game winning (and six-game undefeated) streak went poof Thursday, 2-0 at Northwestern.  It appears as though that great stretch of games has propelled them past the bubble, according to indispensable women's soccer blog All White Kit, but all but three squads in the Big Ten are under NCAA Tournament consideration, so who knows?  This week: At Illinois this (Sunday) afternoon, then the final home game of the season versus Ohio St. Friday.  I intend to be there and buy a scarf.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -7).  Finally broke through with their first win of the year Thursday, and it was at Chicago by a score of 5-2.  Unfortunately, three Forwards with the Mild left that contest due to injury, the worst of which is Charlie Coyle, who will be out for 6-8 weeks.  I don't know how much those absences contributed to the Mild choking on a two-Goal lead and losing their home opener last (Saturday) night in Overtime to the Columbus Blue Jackets, 5-4, but you shouldn't be losing to Columbus in any situation, let alone with a 4-2 lead.

Once again the club has the first half of the screening week off.  It has two matches, but they're on the road, in Canada, and back-to-back: Winnipeg Friday, Calgary Saturday.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -5).  P.J. Fleck's rookie season at the helm of the U. continues to plummet.  I really thought that they had a chance to upset Michigan St. last (Saturday) night because the Spartans upset Michigan last week.  But they were in control of their match the whole time; the 30-27 result does not reflect how uncompetitve this game truly was.  And so Minnesota remains winless in conference play.  Next week comes probably their best chance at winning a game the rest of the year -- home to Illinois, which is also the Homecoming game.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -2).  P.J. Fleck has the luxury of saying this is his first year at the U.  Don Lucia is in the bench for the U. for the 19th season, and yet it feels kind of embarrassing that the seventh-ranked Golden Goofers lost to the upstart (but 11th-ranked) Penn St. Nittany Lions 3-1 Friday in the B1G opener -- and at Mariucci Arena, no less.  It is a long season, yet it feels that this vaunted program is going to underachieve yet again.  They finish up their two-game series vs. Penn St. this (Sunday) afternoon, then travel to North Dakota for a pair of matches next weekend against the Fighting Hawks.

My parents arrive home in less than a week, and amongst all the other things I haven't had time to do in the six weeks they've been gone, I haven't gone through as many papers as I wanted to.

I brought home about three bags of shit from storage.  Those three are the ones closest to the front of my storage unit.  That's important because, apparently, the door to my unit does not completely protect from rain; storms have brought water into the unit, and I guess it seeped into the bags that I took home six weeks ago.  It was hard not to notice that everything in those bags have been warped and rotted by the moisture and snow.  One bag was so bad that it ripped apart as soon as I brought it home.

Everything in them is at least partially ruined; that includes EWs, sport programs, and old magazines.  That has given me enough of a push to read through and throw away much of the ruined contents, especially my copies of City Pages and ESPN The Magazine.  But there are a lot of papers left to go through, and I won't have time to go through them all before my folks return.  So, off they go back into storage.

I am sort of happy that I went through as much as I have.  I just wish my parents aren't coming back so I can finally concentrate on reading and then tossing them.  Maybe they'll go back to Vegas soon, who knows?

Where President Trump REALLY Shows He's An Asshole

Yesterday afternoon I heard about him introducing shit health insurance plans to ObamaCare and backing out of the Iran nuclear deal.  I got really tired towards the end of last (Thursday) night's NFL game, so I didn't catch that he is no longer paying subsidies to states that offset health insurance costs for middle- and low-income Americans.  And don't forget that CHIP still hasn't been renewed yet.

There have been a lot of fucking disastrous weeks in this President's term.  Yet I am not being hyperbolic when I say that this week -- in fact just Thursday -- was the most disastrous because, in his hellbent quest to undo the major accomplishment of The Black Guy, he has fucked over so many people, and done so with gleeful cruelty.

Guess what I'm saying is, Donald Trump can go fuck himself.

Low Cholesterol? High? Really?

In my unexpected four-day furlough last week I was able to fit in my annual check-up.  Went to Uptown because my doctor moved and I wanted to move with him.  He offered a blood panel, where I get pricked and my blood sample gets tested for everything.  He thought it could wait till next year, but I thought, what the heck, let's do it now.

Got my results back.  Everything was normal ... except LDL, my bad cholesterol.  It was high.  This may have been the first time I have ever been high for something like that.

And that's when my mortality sort of hit me.  I'm not the young person I imagine myself to be anymore, running around everywhere, metabolism off the charts, able to eat everything and still see my ribs when I suck my breath in.  I now have to watch what I eat and shit like that.

Well, maybe I'll watch it tomorrow.  I went to a United season-ticketholder dinner and I was offered seconds.  And right now I'm at Caffetto eating a slice limoncello marscapone cake and a coffee.  Yeah, this isn't good for my LDL.

(shakes head)

lulz USMNT Done Fucked Up

Well, shit.

I saw American Made (excellent movie, by the way -- an asshole Tom Cruise is the best Tom Cruise) last (Tuesday) night assuming that the United States Men's National Soccer Team was going to beat or at least tie Trinidad & Tobago to advance to the World Cup Finals.  Their 4-0 pounding of Panama Friday seemed to have assuaged any fears that they wouldn't make it, even though it was touch-and-go for a long time.  One more point and they were in.

So touch me in the morning and then just walk away -- I bring up ESPN.com and I see that the fucking USMNT actually lost to last-place T&T.

No matter; Honduras would have to beat Mexico to force the U.S. to play a playoff against New Zealand (ETA at 1:24 the morning of October 11 that it's actually Australia) to get into the World Cup.  But Honduras was playing at home and was motivated, whereas Mexico already secured its spot.  Therefore, Honduras won, 3-2.

No matter; Panama would have to beat Costa Rica to nudge the U.S. down to fifth place and elimination.  But Panama was also playing at home and was motivated, whereas Costa Rica already secured its spot.  (Detect a pattern here?)  Therefore, Panama won, 2-1 (aided tremendously by a Panama Goal that didn't actually go in the net; doesn't CONCACAF use VAR???).  And the USMNT were fucked.

People who give a shit about soccer, and many people who don't give a shit about soccer but have no problems pointing fingers and hating when things go tremendously wrong (aka Republicans) are up in arms about this humiliation.  But none got his rant on better than Taylor Twellman on the ESPN post-game/post-mortem.  You go get them underachieving fuckers, TT!

Oh Yeah, It's Over -- My Parents Are Coming Home

Yeah, they decided this about two weeks ago.  I knew this because ... well, first thing is is that they had to come home because of this trip they thought they were taking to Mexico when it was in fact Biloxi/Gulfport, Mississippi, which is next to the Gulf of Mexico.  But I really knew this when they called me and asked me for their help in booking their tickets through Spirit Airlines.  Well, they booked the tickets through Spirit, but they wanted me to help them sign up as part of the airline's $9 Fare Club.  They thought that with an annual fee (which was discounted ten bucks for the first year), they can fly anywhere for just nine bucks.  Turns out the phrase "$9 Fare Club" is just a name that used to have meaning; Spirit doesn't offer $9 fares anymore, members are just offered "club prizes" that are scarcely better than the regular price.  Then why don't they rename the "$9 Fare Club?"  Because they're Spirit Airlines and they traffic in misleading bullshit, that's why.

Anyway, I was on the phone when they told me they were about to book their tickets.  And book them they did, for next week.  They will be here for about eight days before their vacation down south (assuming there are no hurricanes flooding the casinos), but they will be back a mere four days later.  And then ... well, they are planning a cruise in January, but for all I know, they'll fucking be back for good.

Look, I may have talked about how lonely I would get as I adjust to them not being here.  And I have to admit that as I'm falling asleep I wonder, if I die, how long will it take for someone to realize that I might not be alive and barge down this door.  But beyond that, I am fucking so goddamn happy that I have/had this house all to myself.  I can go get a coffee at 10 on a school night if I want to.  I can strew my clothes and shit around my bedroom -- around the house -- without getting any static.  I can even fucking walk around naked if I want to without a parental unit yelling at me.  But goddammit, I'll have to share this house with them again, and that means getting fat because they want me to, not because I want myself to.  Oh, and the lack of privacy.  And the intrusive questions.  And the yelling and judgement, all the goddamn yelling and judgement.

And in the meantime I have to clean up the room.  God, I wonder, if my parents didn't get confused about this trip, and they decided that, because it's not Mexico, they weren't going to take this trip down to the Gulf of Mexico, would they be coming back?

Ugh.  I went out for fast food tonight and after some hemming and hawing I went to McDonald's and got the buttermilk chicken tenders I saw advertised on TV during football.  They taste great.  Buttermilky, even.  But for some damn reason -- I think I felt hungry -- I bought ten of them.  Not only is a ten-piece ten bucks (!!!), but by chicken tender No. 5 I was full.

Like I said before, I keep complaining that my parents force me to eat so much, but how in the hell can I complain about that when I make the decision to eat too much?!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Lynx (Last Week: -8).

Didn't doubt you girls for a second!  No, I'm lying -- I totally didn't believe you would win another championship.  I gave you all another chance, though, and you proved me wrong, although my teeth were gnashing the entire time.

The ticket I bought was in the upper deck, in the corner, in the very last row.  And since this was Williams Arena, of course this was an obstructed view seat; I was able to see the far court and, luckily, the Lynx when they were scoring on that end in the second half, but the support beams and overhang obscured nearly all of the near court if I didn't move my head, so oftentimes I was forced to look at the TV ... which was right in front of the support beams and overhang that was obscuring my complete view of the court.  Not that I was complaining that my $55 gave me a seat that forced me to watch a TV; the Sparks were driving toward, and scoring, in the front net, and so I wasn't upset that I couldn't see the enemy make buckets.

And in fact I can say, with very little sarcasm, that that $55 may be the best money I have ever spent -- maybe even more so than all the money I spend on sex.  The key to the Lynx beating the Los Angeles Sparks has been rebounding, and that is mostly a matter of aggressiveness.  And Minnesota definitely was aggressive from the get-go.  They got out to a lead while clamping down on passing lanes and cleaning up their missed shots (Sylvia Fowles got most of them; that's how she got a WNBA playoffs- [?] record 20 boards and that's why she was named WNBA Finals MVP).  And that's how the Sparks never led in this game.  It was touch-and-go from time to time; the Sparks were good enough to launch a run to close the gap several times in the game, and back-to-back steals off of traps on inbound passes to Lindsay Whalen cut an eight-point lead to three.  But Maya Moore drained a galloping jumper from about ten feet, and the Sparks missed their last three shots to seal an 85-76 victory.

I am so glad I made the decision to spend money to see this game live.  And I am so happy for the Minnesota Lynx, who have won their fourth WNBA title in seven years and is thus freed for the year from the Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  And after you see how many teams I have to cover this week, you'll understand that I'm happy for the Lynx for me.  Congratulations!!!

#0: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -4).  Well, that's more like it.  This club is doing its best to put its two-match losing streak in the mirror by ending its four-game road trip with three wins.  And they're not pushover opponents either.  On Wednesday the sixth-ranked Gophers beat the seventh-ranked Wisconsin Badgers in Madison in five Sets, coming back from 2-1 down to take the fourth at 15 and the fifth at 13.  Then yesterday (Saturday) afternoon they swept 22nd-ranked Michigan in Ann Arbor.  I don't know if the Gophers can improve on their AVCA ranking this week; that'll depend somewhat on if any of the teams above them lost.  But beating two ranked teams on the road, in Big Ten play?  That's got to amount to something.  And not for nothing, but it feels as though their place in the NCAA Tournament is assured.

After a couple of busy weeks, the schedule thins out a bit.  Their only game this screening week is a match vs. Purdue at Maturi Wednesday.  I might go to that game.

#-1: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -1).  Don't look now, but since giving up a sure win against Michigan on Sep. 21, the Minnesota XI have won four straight matches.  Sunday they firmly defeated Maryland in College Park, 3-1, and in a rain-soaked Robbie Stadium Friday (in a contest I wanted to see but decided not to because, man, why would I want to stand out in the rain?), the U. beat Indiana, 3-2.  Sydney Squires braced, but I have to highlight Senior Julianna Gernes, who scored the last of the three Goals against the Hoosiers and now has six tallies this year.  She scored six Goals in the 2016 season, second-most behind Squires, yet I don't remember talking about her at all last year.  Well, you do you, Gernes!

To make up for not going Friday night, I think I'm going to go to this (Sunday) afternoon's tilt vs. Purdue, with whom the Golden Gophers are tied in the B1G standings.  There are things I should and could do with my time instead -- I need to mow the lawn, I planned on watching a hell of a lot of football, and the plants need cleaning -- but I really feel like buying a Minnesota scarf before my parents come home.  I know, it doesn't make sense, but I think I'm going.  The squad goes to Northwestern Thursday.

#-2: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  Oh yeah, the Gopher men's hockey team started their season too!  Just realized that.  Hey, so even though they are tabbed by the now-seven team Big Ten to win the conference again (if the squad manages to do that, the conference still would not have had a different regular season champion other than the Goofers), they have to wipe away the stench of being a #1 seed and falling flat on their asses in the first round of last year's NCAA Tournament.  Losing to Minnesota-Duluth in Overtime in the semifinals of the Ice Breaker Tournament (albeit in Duluth) Friday won't do much to change the perception that this team regularly disappoints.  They came back yesterday (Saturday) afternoon to defeat Union in the consolation, 2-0, so that's good, I guess.

Their next series actually opens up conference play.  They host Penn St. Friday and Sunday at -- ugh ... 3M Arena at Mariucci.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -5).  OK, I was wrong about them being eliminated from the Major League Soccer playoffs last week.  They are definitely eliminated now; they needed to beat Sporting Kansas City and have FC Dallas lose to the Colorado Rapids last (Saturday) night.  Neither happened; both games ended up draws at 1.  I'm surprised at the Loon who scored to tie SKC: Brent Kallman, off a header on the Corner Kick?  OK.

As with P.J. Fleck and the Gopher football team, I give these guys a mulligan.  Not only is this Adrian Heath's first season, it's the franchise's first season.  So why sweat elimination?  (And again, I don't know why in the hell the commentators were emphasizing the fact that this side still had a chance of reaching the postseason; frankly, that is journalistic malpractice.)  The goal is not to finish the season with the fewest wins in MLS history (which I think MNUFC has already achieved) and, incidentally, not to be the worst team in the league, which I think they can do, since the L.A. Galaxy (!!!) are seven points behind.  And they visit said Galaxy Sunday the 15th.

#-4: Vikings (Last Week: -2).  So this is going to be it, isn't it?  This squad will be faced with a theoretically beatable opponent and not be able to because of ... scheme?  Tactics?  Execution?  Turnovers?  Well, maybe it was Turnovers in Sunday's 14-7; they coughed up the ball to the Lions three times in the match, the last of which was a poke-out of a reception made by Adam Thielen as the ViQueens were driving for the game-tying TD.

But the much more important revelation came earlier in that game.  Dalvin Cook, the rookie Running Back who scored the squad's first (and only) TD vs. Detroit, fell awkwardly without getting hit by a Lion (and dropped the ball in the process; I think it was the Vikes' second Turnover) and crumpled to the ground.  I knew as soon as I saw him fall of his own volition on replay that it was an ACL.  And it was -- Cook is done for the year.  I think that, even more than the TOs, was what contributed to the team's insouciant play and thus loss.

I don't know if there's anything more to say other than, If this team makes the playoffs now, I'd be shocked.  They travel to Chicago for Monday Night Football.  They are 2-14 in the last 16 games they've played there.  And last year, even though they lost to Philadelphia the week prior, the defeat to the Bears at Soldier Field signaled that the 5-0 bloom was off the rose and triggered their collapse.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: -6).  Hey, maybe those oars aren't rowing the boat in the right direction, nyack-nyack-nyack!  The Gophers led at Purdue, 14-6, but got outscored by the Boilermakers 18-3 in a Fourth Quarter that was suspended for 88 minutes due to lightning in the West Lafayette area.  Purdue turned the ball over four times and the U. only twice, yet they still lost.  To not totally slag on the Goofs, it was close in the fourth.  The teams traded Field Goals so the U. retained a one-point lead (17-16), but the Boilers scored a Touchdown in a drive that took only 69 seconds, and with about a minute left in the game Gopher Quarterback Connor Rhoda threw a Pick-Six to ice it.  Maybe the PR department cheating on Tic-Tac-Toe cursed the team into losing.

The good news ... well, the really good news is P.J. Fleck gets a mulligan for the entire season because it's his first.  The more imminent good news, maybe, is that the club's next opponent is Michigan St., which came off of a thrilling road upset at seventh-ranked rival Michigan last (Saturday) night.  In college football, I totally believe in letdown games and traps.  And the Spartans have to travel to TCF Bank to play.  Maybe?

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -7).  Holy fuck, what happened to the Gopher women's hockey team?  This may be the first time in years they got swept at home!  I know, I know, the Saturday game vs. Ohio St. goes down as a tie, but they lost in a Shootout, so it's a loss.  Maybe this team needs a little more retooling as it gears up its season.  But Minnesota is still Minnesota, the preeminent program in women's hockey.  They don't have rebuilding years.  Shit, they barely reload.  They're just supposed to be good, every time, and right now they have a losing record.  And they have to go on the road the next two weeks, starting with a two-game jaunt up the Mississippi to Bemidji St. this weekend.

#-7: Wild (Re-Entry!).  So the team with the big plan which has also underwhelmed in the postseason starts off their 2017-8 campaign with two losses.  I know, I know, the game against The Bastard Hartford Whalers wound up in a Shootout, but they lost that, so they really lost.  Nice to see them play the dunce for the Detroit Red Wings as they opened up their new Little Caesars Arena (are pizzas there $5?), though.

I understand stability, and not throwing away good pieces you've developed.  But there is a core of the old guard (Zach Parise, whose back is preventing him from playing to start the season, and Ryan Suter) and the up-and-comers who may or may not have had breakouts last year (Mikael Granlund, Nino Niederreiter) that, with time, is going to be an excellent team.  I'm still waiting.  In the meantime, General Manager Chuck Fletcher had to stir the pot, so a key piece in Defenseman Marco Scandella was shipped off to free up some cap space.  Regardless of the moves, we're still waiting for something, whether it be a surprising goal-scorer or a stellar back-up play.

The Mild have the front half of the next two weeks off.  They visit Chicago Thursday and finally open up their season at Xcel Energy Center against Columbus Saturday.

#-Infinity: Twins (Last Week: -3).  I chose not to watch the American League Play-In Game between the Twinks and the New York Yankees.  Saw Battle Of The Sexes instead -- like I said, decent movie --  and since they lost (and profoundly so; they got doubled-up, 8-4), I knew I was right in missing it.  (The next day was the Lynx Finals game, and I guessed right then, too -- I'm on a roll!)  You know, maybe you shouldn't send a man to do a woman's job.

I didn't see the game at all, but that won't stop me from conjecturing.  The Twinks shook the Yanks' Starting Pitcher, Luis Severino, for three runs in the top of the First Inning.  It got so bad that Yanks Manager, Joe Girardi, pulled Severino after getting only one out in the inning.  The Twinks returned the favor by allowing three runs from New York in the bottom of the inning.  Our SP, Ervin Santana, was finally pulled by Paul Molitor after 11 batters and two full innings.  I get that it's all hands on deck in the playoffs, especially in a "playoff series" of one game.  But isn't it a little hasty to pull an SP after allowing just three runs?  No, it's not good.  But Pitchers give up three runs in an inning during the regular season and they don't get pulled.  I'm not quite certain that this being the postseason should change that.  Maybe your starter just needs to calm down.  Maybe all he needs is some faith that he can give you some solid innings.  And even though you can't really look towards the future, maybe you need to save your bullpen for a future series.

No matter.  The issue now is where the Twinks go.  This is bitterly disappointing; I'm not going to say that the Twinks "reached the playoffs" this year.  But this is a squad that, after its front office traded away a Starting Pitcher after acquiring him a week ago and after just one start (Jaime Garcia) and also traded its putative Closer (Brandon Kintzler) before the Trade Deadline, they surged into ALWC2 and didn't let it go.  And remember that these guys lost 103 games last year; even though the phrase "playoff team" is technical when it comes to Minnesota, they are the first team in Major League Baseball history to go from 100 or more losses to the playoffs.

The key now is to build on it.  The lineup clicked starting in August, yet they could use another lefthanded bat.  Oh, and they could use a healthy Miguel Sano.  But their biggest weakness remains the rotation.  I know it was just one start, but it was an important start, and Santana simply sucked in the Play-In Game.  Bartolo Colon was on fumes at the end of the season, Kyle Gibson remains at best a bulldog of a Pitcher (who nonethless ended with a flourish), and Jose Berrios and Adelberto Mejia remain wet molds of clay.  They could use an ace, such as Justin Verlander.  And seeing how good their core is now, this is the time for the front office to step up and build off of this foundation by getting really good arms.  If this organization loosens the purse strings, maybe -- just maybe -- there is hope for the future for the Minnesota Twins.

No, I'm Not Losing Weight

I have frequently complained here that all I do is gain weight because my parents make me eat food I shouldn't eat and buy food I feel I'm forced to eat.  With them gone, I don't feel that pressure, and so I can let myself, uh, not eat and the pounds will just melt away.

Nope, didn't happen.  I weighed myself when I was eating salad during the day and a sandwich at night, but I weighed the same as I probably had just before my parents left, if not more.  Probably a lot of reasons why.  My metabolism might be slowing to a crawl.  I am drinking a lot of pop, and I can feel the sugar generating new fat in my stomach and waistline.  But I have to admit that being freed from having to eat stuff allows me to eat stuff of my own volition.  I am not controlling what I eat or how much I eat.  I eat out more, a hell of a lot more, and that's replacing (in food portion if not in nutrition) what I would have eaten if my folks were cooking dinner.  Like I said, I might actually be gaining weight, which would be an utter failure on my part.

Hey, maybe I might lose the weight I have been gaining when my parents come home and I can eat dinner at home again?

Free From The Tomatoes And The Eggs

I don't know if this was planned or if this was unplanned, but for the past, uh, three days or so I have not eaten any tomatoes or eggs.  A lot of things have shaped an environment that differed than the one that led me to eat tomatoes and eggs constantly.  I lost my old job Monday, so there was no occasion for me to make a salad (with tomatoes) for lunch.  And I was going to see a movie Tuesday, going to the Lynx game Wednesday, going to see a play with a friend last night, and will go to a soccer game tonight (though I might not because it's going to rain), I have had no time to eat an egg sandwich.

Honestly, it's been freeing.  It feels as though I no longer have to eat the same damn thing every day.  It's also liberating not to worry that I'm eating rotten tomatoes or spoiled eggs.  Of course, that doesn't stop the fact that there are tomatoes and eggs in the fridge and that they may still be good if only I got around to eating them.  But I have to tell ya, out of sight, out of mind is an adage that really works.

I'll get back to eating them this weekend, or whenever I run out of money eating out.

Nightmare. Wow. (Part II)

So this other vivid nightmare I had (some time ago) is sort of fuzzy -- mostly because I didn't remember it at the time, even though it now has been more than two weeks ago and I may remember even less.  All I do remember is that I was in a stadium of some sort and I threw something and someone far away got hit by what I threw and he or she died and I dealt with the consequences for the rest of the nightmare.

That's all I remember.  Well, that and what I felt frightened the hell out of me.

I'm Behind In Blogging

I've been meaning to do this for some time.  I've been so busy doing other stuff I have felt as though I haven't blogged as much as I used to.  As you can see, the number of blog post I have made is listed by both month and year.  I think that I've been very consistent over the years in WAF, varying by, at most, 30 posts from year to year.

But I took a glance over the summer, and even though I didn't do the math, I felt as though I was woefully behind.  And I looked at it just now; I am 100 blog posts behind the ballpark range of 400+ that I have reached annually, and I have just less than three months to go.  I have done my best to blog daily, yet if I continue just at that pace, I will fall well short of 400.

Which means I have to step up my blog posting game.  Which I am doing by double-blog posting.  Like this here.

OK, that's it.

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Wednesday, October 4:

• Well, I put everything I bought on my credit card on the 4th, so we need to go back to Wednesday, October 3.  My assignment ended Monday, so I took advantage of my time off by fucking one of my girls.  Went all the way down south to see *a***.  The weirdest thing: After I got done and she let me sleep in her bed for a couple hours, she was nowhere to be seen.  I should blog about this in the near future, but she wasn't there to check that the amount I gave her for her services was the same amount all our previous times.  So I left her only: $100.
• That evening I went to see Battle Of The Sexes, a fictionalization of that tennis match between Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs.  Well, I think it's a fictionalization; my verdict on how good this movie is depends on how much of it is true.  I don't think I've ever felt that way about a flick before.  I will say that the two leads, Emma Stone and Steve Carrell, were great.  I think I'm jealous of Emma Stone because she has such an expressive face and knows how to use it.  Grade: B, because the more I think about it, the more the stories between the two are imbalanced.  It feels as though they are trying to graft the story of Billie Jean King's coming out as a lesbian into a memorable sporting event.  (For what it's worth, King and her current partner/wife were consultants on the movie; Bobby Riggs died in 1995.)  For some reason the total cost of a ticket, popcorn and pop went up three cents, I think, to $9.67.
• On Sunday, October 1 I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) after working the Vikings game.  Even though the Vikes lost, I still felt festive enough (or maybe I was looking for a pick-me-up) to get not one but two dances, from Molly and Cicily.  They're cute and toned, as is Skylar, who is really hot with her glasses on.  Plus Sprite and stage tips: $49.75.
• Friday, September 29: I was going to spend the rest of my time at my current job buying coffee so I don't have to buy creamer (a plan that was thrown out the window when I picked up another assignment that should begin immediately thereafter -- more on that later), I went to Caribou for a large Campfire Mocha.  Plus tip but minus trivia, I just rounded up the change.  Hope they're not too mad: $5.
• Downtown Minneapolis can be rowdy at night.  But when you get there so late, the parking that bedevils me opens up because that's when the enforcement expires.  It's almost as good when the game you're going downtown to watch is at 9:30, such as the loss for my alma mater then ... ugh.  I got a spot two blocks away from the bar, and even though I should have put in two quarters, one quarter ran a whole 40 minutes, right through to the 10 p.m. end of enforcement.  I think there's a glitch, but I'm not complaining.  Cost of parking: 25 cents.
• To Tuesday the 26th, where the pickings for movies start to become meager.  I heard good things about Brad's Status, a drama featuring Ben Stiller not being funny at all.  It is about a guy who is escorting his sun around the Boston area on college tours, and he starts to think about and reconnect with his college mates, most of whom have become much more successful than he is.  But who really is the rich one?  Yeah, it's one of those movies.  I usually like thoughtful, observational flicks like this.  Moreover, the things the Stiller character talks about -- life, missed opportunities, change and how it affects relationships -- are the things I think about all the time.  I should love this movie.  And yet, I have to be honest, I thought it was mostly cloying.  And even though I see a lot of myself in the Stiller character, the more I think about him, the more obnoxious he comes off.  (Sidenote: He was in Reality Bites, one of the most overrated films I've ever seen and probably the movie I hate on a personal level the most; all that selfish Gen-X shit.  But I thought Ben Stiller's antagonist in the movie, the guy played by Ethan Hawke, was the navel-gazing schmuck.  I was on Stiller's side in that film.)  And movie-wise (it was written and directed [for the first time ever] by Mike White, the guy who wrote School Of Rock) Stiller narrates throughout the movie, a killer device that takes me out of the experience.  C+, and that might be too generous.  Ticket, popcorn, pop: $9.64.
• I had to throw away so many tomatoes that I thought it was important to dump them -- not in the trash, but in a public garbage can.  So I got the trash bag, put it in a paper bag for sturdiness and to absorb all the juice from the moldy tomatoes, and drove to a gas station that was closed for the evening.  They probably had a surprise when the attendant had to do trash pick-up the next day.  But I should have folded down the top of the paper bag to discourage any worker looking into the bag to see why the trash bag they're picking up was so fucking heavy.  I think I'm found out.  Anyway, I decided to make a night of it and go to Caffetto to arrange my receipts.  I had a slice of limoncello marscapone cake to go with my small mocha.  Plus tip and it all added up to: $7.50.
• Sunday, September 24 -- with Vikings season back in full swing, I can go back to my practice of going to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version) after work.  And I feel even freer since my parents are out of town.  Got a dance from Sammi, who I had not seen in a long time.  With tips for a few other people and a Miller Light because ... wait, I didn't get coffee this time? ... the total was: $29.50.
• To Friday the 22nd, where I went to one hell of a party a hell of a long way from home.  A bed "dance" with ******e and dances with *a***, ***e* and ******e (the last of whom did this), with cover and tips for the girl who was doing concessions out of the kitchen -- is that even necessary? -- and the total was: $205.
• Thurdsay the 21st ... I guess I could have done more personal investigation into fixing the lawnmower after it sputtered to life.  But this was such a blindside that I didn't want to deal with it on top of all the things I've already had to do.  So, remembering something I heard from the radio a couple years ago, I took the mower to my local Ace Hardware to get it fixed.  There's a deposit which I paid in cash: $30.
• That evening I went to the Gopher soccer match, the one where they stormed back from a 1-0 deficit to take the lead only to give up the game-tying Goal with 11 seconds left.  Hot dog, medium Coke and program: $11.
• I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) after the game, ostensibly also to drown my sorrows.  No laps -- tips and coffee only: $7.75.
• Back to Sunday, September 17, where I went to Diamonds to work on the WMNSS.  Wanted to go to Caffetto, but even though I love the vibe there, why travel so far?  I think I planned on going there because I wanted Caffetto to be the first public wi-fi network my new laptop would connect to, but now that seems to be a bit strange.  So what that it's Diamonds and not Caffetto?  Mocha plus tip: $5.25.
• Saturday the 16th -- since my alma mater's football game was in the evening, I felt it wasn't too soon to waste going to downtown twice.  Does that make sense?  I go downtown to watch the game, but if it were in the afternoon, I wouldn't go downtown in the morning to see English Premiere League matches because I didn't want to putz around there for 3 1/2 hours until the football game wins and it's a tremendous waste to go home after soccer just to immediately come back for football.  If it were in the evening, I don't mind going downtown twice.  You dig?  The Local runs a breakfast sandwich special during EPL games.  I gave the waitress my card and asked her to not to use the points because I wanted to pay for it all, but she did.  (sigh)  With tip it cost me just: $5.25.
• That evening, after I visited Grandmother's best friend, I visited Blue Sun to grab a new Whistler soda and bought each of three of this Kickapoo craft soda.  So I bought four bottles and I totally fucking forgot how much I paid, so I'm going to pull a number out of my ass: $5.
• That night I went to Jackson's Hole for the game.  Last week's loss dulls the relief I felt after that particular game, but it still is memorable.  Bought a round of shots and put it on my credit card, so meal plus drinks plus tip: $21.50.
• The club went bar-hopping after the game.  Went to O'Donovan's for a Strongbow.  With tip: $8.
• Back on Friday, September 15, where there was another party feature a bunch of girls I haven't seen (naked) in some time.  I felt bad that I couldn't get to all of them, though, because I had to skee-daddle to the Twins game afterward.  I should have been more forthright in asking for lappers.  This was the one where I got double-teamed by ***e* and ******e and only had to pay for ******e because I lent money to ***e*.  And that's the only "dance" I got.  With cover: $140.
• Wish the Twinks would have won, but Bartolo Colon could not get it up on his Big Sexy Night.  I got a hot dog and a souvenir-sized Coke for: $12.50.
• Went to Glam Doll Donuts right afterward.  Two donuts and milk, maybe, and tip: $11.02.
• On Tuesday, September 12 I used the free ticket I got for amassing punches on my card to see Dunkirk, the epic war movie by Christopher Nolan.  I heard there was no backstory, just a pulsating verisimilitude of the British trying to escape the invading Germans.  And that was the problem: It was very tough to care about a bunch of people when you are told to just watch them do their thing.  Why?  I mean, the cinematography was fantastic, but who cares?  I feel as though I am not sophisticated enough to like it because I'm too simplistic in not getting what I want out of this film.  So, uh, B?  Alas.  Popcorn and pop only and I paid just: $4.28.
• Monday the 11th ... had to go to the dentist at the U.  Been putting it off for months, so it was time.  Since parking around the U. during the day is impossible, I did my usual thing of parking at Midway Shopping Center and then using the LRT; the stop for the dentistry building is right next to the stop.  I wonder if any part of that shopping center -- and thus its free parking lot -- is still there now that arrangements have been made to start redeveloping that area for Allianz Field.  Things will be much more difficult if I can't.  Anyway, I paid rush-hour fare going to the dentist but not going back, so the total is: $4.
• That evening I went to Caffetto to work on my receipts.  Limoncello marscapone cake, a medium light roast and tip: $7.
• On Sunday, September 10 I went to Diamonds to work on the WMNSS.  Mocha plus tip: $5.25.
• Saturday the 9th: Went to the Able Food Truck Fair for the second year in a row.  Wore my U2 t-shirt and got bewildered by all the comments for some stupid reason.  (The stupid reason involves me.)  Cover, donation to Meals On Wheels, the charity this fair was for, lunch from Taste Of Chile, a First Light from Able and a smoothie from Whole Sum Kitchen (with tips) totaled: $27.
• That evening I went downtown for my alma mater's game.  Couldn't find free parking, so I parked in a lot a couple blocks from the bar in the amount of: $5.
• After the game I went to Glam Doll, and I am still kicking myself for not writing down the actual amount I spent as soon as I sat down.  So now I'm pulling a number out of my ass three weeks after the fact.  And I just said, for shits and giggles: $7.80.
• OK, so Friday the 8th was a busy one EWR-wise.  Had to go to the library to print out my ticket to the U2 concert: 10 cents.
• Then for the concert I had to pay for parking and wanted to pay cash for the shirt and tip for the beer (which I charged on my card).  Disappointing concert.  Total: $46.
• But hey, after the concert I found a nickel.  The woman walking behind me almost ran into me as I stooped down to get it!  An Infusion of: 5 cents.
• On Wednesday, September 6 I went to the alma mater's watering hole in order to make sure we could watch games there.  (Our team already played its first game, but due to cable restrictions we had to go somewhere else.)  Spent: $20.
• Went to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) after that.  Apparently I got a lapdance from a Jade.  I swear I wouldn't be able to pick out Jade from a lineup.  With coffee and tips: $27.75.

Good through October 4.