Wednesday, February 23, 2011

No, Seriously, This Is The End. Sad But True, But Really, This Is It

So the nurse came. The verdict is in, and it's as bad as I thought it was. The nurse told me I now have 4 hours of PCA work a day. Well, actually my Grandmother told me. Apparently the nurse told her, and as the nurse went back to her car to retrieve something, Grandmother told me, "So, we're getting four hours a day now, huh?"

So that initial number I saw in the letter sent to me was accurate. Fuck me. The increase in hours is just enough for me to lose my unemployment insurance, and yet the bump is nowhere near enough to make up for the loss of income from being on the dole. I get the worst of both worlds.

And now I mean it. I have pissed and moaned about how am I going to find the money I need to fill up my gas tank, and how am I going to get the money I want to go to the stripclub? But those times previous I've been able to manage. Now? Now I'm certain that my most dire fears will come true. There really is no way out. I mean, the lab is supposed to wind down this week, and even if it didn't, $60/week won't keep me afloat. Fucking A, man, I really have to go back to work.

But first, I was giving myself time to feel sorry for myself. It's a bad habit of mine, but the best way for me to deal with awful situations is to run away. This time, I went to the movies. I wanted to see The King's Speech so I could decide for myself whether it deserves the Best Picture Oscar it's about to get. (Verdict: It's a film made for Academy Awards. It's alright, a bit talky. I just didn't feel too emotionally connected to it. I've had problems with most of the ten nominees for Best Picture: The Social Network was also too talky; The Fighter made too many excuses for its white trash family; I could predict the ending to Black Swan about 20 minutes before the end; Toy Story 3 wasn't as emotionally heart-tugging as others said it would be, and the first one was better; and I don't think the logic of Inception holds. They're all great films, but is it possible that best movie I saw last year was ... True Grit?)

Anyway, on my way to the theater I saw that one gas station had a price of $3.30 for gas. $3.30?!?!?! I went by another station on my way to the bank in the morning that was still at $3.16. I'm glad I was able to get to a gas station that had the old price; it was across the street from the theater and from another station posting the new price. As soon as I saw this I hauled ass up to the pump and ran out of my car to lock the pump in at the old price. While rushing to fill up my tank, I saw an Arab who looked to be the manager of the station come outside, walk a few steps down the walk, and look across the street.

I did lock in the $3.16. After putting back the pump, I saw that the price for unleaded was changed to $3.30. I don't think I've ever cut it so close in filling up my gas tank.

Also, I'm happy that I left early enough to do all this and get to the movie well before it began.

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I really debated whether I should go to the gym. I really felt like I should stay home and conserve gas. However, I did the right thing and went because, honestly, working out makes me feel good. I don't want to get into a position where I just stop doing everything because I can't afford it.

But I have to wonder: What the fuck do I do now?

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