Is The Key Lactose-Free?

I love ice cream, and will definitely need it in the summer ahead.  But sometimes ... well, to be uncouth, it makes me shit, and sometimes real bad.  Doesn't deter me from eating it, but sometimes (not always) I come to regret it hours later.

Being Chinese, could lactose intolerance be the problem?  I have switched over to lactose-free milk and I haven't had the bloating or diarrhea since, at least as far as I can remember.  So I am trying the same with this lactose-free ice cream I bought, uh, last week?  Had a few scoops out of the box late last night to celebrate Memorial Day and ... well, I'll tell you I popped a little last night, and I feel something in my gut right now, but no bloating ... ?  Is it possible that my intestinal distress is not just the lactose but also the casein and the whey in the milk and ice cream, in which case I need to go dairy-free and not just lactose-free?

I'll see how I feel at work.  Then I'll need to get back to eating the ice cream -- which is delicious, by the way -- and see if my gut is telling me this ain't workin' either.

Fearing Listening To The Current's Memorial Day Block-Rockin' Weekend

And I have listened to it off and on since it started at 10 a.m. Friday morning.  The radio station, what I guess you'd consider to be the alternative music station of Minnesota Public Radio, has done this for many Memorial Weekends now, and I enjoy it, I truly do.  In fact, I am sure I have listened to The Current this particular weekend moreso than any previous one.

And yet I ... don't want to listen to it for the rest of night.  Why?  Because it signals the end of the long weekend, one that I really needed to just ... get away from people and the world, you know?  I usually hate the last evening of a long weekend.  I get extremely selfish at times like this.  It feels unfair to me I can't have more days off than the extra one I already get.  Does this really have anything to do with The Current?  No.  It's just a ... well, a trigger, I guess.

Now that I've said all this, I probably will listen to it tonight, possibly till the very last block around midnight.  See this Memorial Day Block-Rockin' Weekend to its death ... and then I have to go back to work, ick.

All I'm saying is that if your job, one in which I assume you were sworn to uphold, is to protect and serve the public, and then you're given hundreds of thousands in weaponry, armor and training, and you presumably have the unconditional support of at least many members of the community you were hired to protect and serve, and then you piddle around the outside of a school with your thumbs up your asses while someone with a gun gets into a school ... and you assume this is a guy who simply has just barricaded himself in there even though you goddamn well know this is like every other school shooting that has happened in America ... and you even go so far as to handcuff parents of students who are trying to get their kids out of that school instead of going after the motherfucking shooter ...

... well, you know what they say about "defunding the police," even "abolishing the police?"  You should defund if not abolish this one, shit.  The names of every single member of the Uvalde Police Department should be named on every news broadcast in the nation.  Start with Pedro Arredondo, the Chief of Police who made the stupid and, ultimately, fatal mistake of telling everybody under his command to wait outside the school for 78 goddamn minutes.  But honestly, you had kids in there.  Kids.  Nineteen of them were slaughtered.  Police officers should have defied Arredondo's order and went in there themselves.  Since they didn't, they shouldn't just not be police officers anymore -- they should be ... I won't say.

And if there comes a ballot measure defunding and/or abolishing the police, anyone in the city of Uvalde, Tex., who doesn't vote for that measure doesn't give a shit about kids.  I'm fucking serious.  This is a disgrace from which people need to pay.  Utterly.

Oh, yeah -- get rid of the fucking guns, too.

Mowet Makes Me Less Wet

Friday I was invited by ******a to a stripper party.  I had plans on going to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) right after working a later shift, but even after that fell through because my All-Time Favorite, who did not work Monday but worked Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday (she works all six days the club is open), was not scheduled to work that evening, I still didn't go.  I had back-up plans to enjoy what was a beautiful, sunny, warm and dry night, one that was sorely deserved after the up-and-down weather we had the week leading up to Friday, and one that perfectly kicked off a summer that (fingers crossed) will signal a true return to normal.  But first I wanted to eat out to start the long weekend, and then I wanted to wish my sister a Happy Birthday, and then that phone call stretched to 40 minutes, and then ... well, I forget.  I went to Sebastian Joe's for ice cream at around 10, so I didn't enjoy the evening, but I enjoyed the night ... I guess?

I've gotten off-track.  Anyway, I didn't go to the house party.  And besides having plans, one of the big reasons why I didn't go is that, of the four strippers working the party, I knew only ******a and one other chick.  A third I have never heard of.  The last I am familiar with, if only in name when I saw her working at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division, and God rest its soul).  Her stripper (?) name?  Mowet.  The fuck kind of a name is "Mowet?"  That's such a stupid name, real or stripper, that I cannot in good conscience go to a party where a woman under that name is working.  Sorry, but I have my prinicples.

Don't worry for ******a, however: She's is cumming over tonight to give me a massage.

Everybody Was Being A Shithead Yesterday

Oh, God, I hated everybody and everything yesterday/Saturday.  My supervisor was getting on my fucking nerves because she was frazzled doing everything by herself and then told me to come help her.  Never saw her so bossy like that.  Then I said hi to another person who worked there, seemingly amiable chap ... and he didn't say hi back!  But he said hi to the cleaning lady.  She gets a hi but not me??  FUCKING SAY HI BACK, MOTHERFUCKER!

And then there was the cop whose job it is to stop traffic so we could walk toward Allianz Field for the match.  She didn't say anything; no, she just walks onto the road and grabs the bottle of water her co-worker got for her.  So can I walk or what?  You're almost as bad as the officer in the Uvalde Police Department.  And then there was the guy in the bathroom trying to make a jump shot of his dirty towels right in front of me.  Get out of my way, jackass!  And on my way home I was trying to make a left but a couple were jaywalking.  They not only walked when it said DON'T WALK, they walked on a red light -- with a bunch of cars turning left along with me right in front of them ... and as our left turn green turned red and as the cross traffic was about to get the green light.  I honked the car in front of me, and that was the wrong thing to do because he or she was fucking flummoxed about whether to stop at the intersection or to turn.  My honking, uh, "compelled" him to turn (and I drove right up on his ass through the left even though the left turn signal was red), but I should have honked and flashed my blinkers at those selfish dumbfucks instead.

Goddamn, I hate everyone and everything.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Finished off a sweep of the Royals in Kansas City over the weekend, then took the first two Games of the series vs. Detroit.  The Tigers' 4-2 Win on Wednesday ended Minnesota's winning streak at six; Thursday's 3-2 defeat to K. C. at Target was all on Tyler Duffey, who coughed up all the Royals' Runs despite his ballclub giving him a 2-0 lead in the Eighth.  But they rectified that somewhat with a 10-7 last/Friday night.  They're still beating up on the dregs of the American League Central, but that's not their problem.  Besides, as of right now, they lead the White Sox in the division by five Games.  Things could be worse.

One of the big concerns right now is the slump Byron Buxton is in.  He may be, ugh, hurt, in which case they should just put him on the Injured List and call up Royce Lewis again.

After finishing up with K. C., they travel to Detroit to begin a five-Game series (one of those is a make-up of a postponement, obvi) with the Tigers beginning on Memorial Day.  On Friday they cross the border for a trio with Toronto.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -5).  I think I can -- or at least I will try to -- unify a mindset behind the Loons' screening Week, where they followed up Sunday's 2-1 road victory over FC Dallas with a 2-1 Loss at Allianz to Union Omaha Wednesday in the U. S. Open Cup.  My theory?  Adrian Heath didn't give too much of a shit about the U. S. Open Cup.

That's understandable.  I didn't go to either Open Cup Match MNUFC hosted, either the Win over Colorado the previous round or this one.  Granted, I was mostly swayed to stay away because of the threat of weather.  Wednesday's forecast looked to be rainy, then spotty, and then it seemed as though the rain would stop by the time the Match began, but I decided that, similar to Saturday, I would get too cold after being outside long enough.  And, it turns out, I did the right thing because my team lost.

Heath did not play Robin Lod nor Bebelo Reynoso against Omaha.  That shows you he didn't care that much about winning this contest.  But ... shit, man, couldn't he subbed them on late in the Match, or even after they coughed up both UO Goals ten Minutes apart in the Second Half?  Union Omaha is a third-division club; I would think even ten Minutes from Reynoso or Lod could've tied or even won the tilt for United FC.  Not even?

(By the way, I need to confess this, if I haven't before on WAF: If the Loons won this, I wouldn't have counted it in the survey.  But since they lost, I have to hold it against them.  It isn't balanced, but ... Jesus fucking Christ, you can't beat some amateur soccer team from goddamn Omaha?!?!?!)

OK, eyes on the prize, I guess.  The Win over a very good Dallas outfit ended a winless streak at four, and put the Loons at a tie with Houston for the final playoff spot in the Western Conference.  (They technically are in eighth based on Goal Difference.)  Reynoso and Lod played in this one, and like he has done many times, Lod scored, this time off a rebound from a Free Kick from Emanuel.

They host defending MLS champs New York City FC tonight/Saturday night.  As of press time they're second in the Eastern Conference.  Moreover, this is MNUFC's last home Game that counts until Independence Eve.  They host a Friendly against 2. Bundesliga (that's the German second-division) side Paderborn on the 11th, but they don't play an MLS Match for the entire Month of June.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -4).  Got drubbed in Dallas Saturday by 16, then nipped New York at Target Tuesday by six.  Still they're in a place they haven't been in in more than a decade: Last (in the Western Conference).  The cavalry probably isn't coming.  The closest thing to a miracle is Napheesa Collier, and by the way, congratulations to her and husband Alex for the birth of their daughter, Mila Sarah Bazzell!  Collier says that she's coming back to the Lynx before the season's over.  I wouldn't mind if she takes the whole Year off -- I doubt the Jynx will turn into a juggernaut as soon as she steps on the court -- but I think her teammates wouldn't her coming back as soon as possible so they can improve on their 2-6 record.

Tomorrow/Sunday night they are at home versus Los Angeles.  They then play at Atlanta Wednesday.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher softball and Gopher baseball (Last Week, respectively: -2 and -3).  Both diamond sports at the U. ended this past screening Week, thus ending the Golden Gopher athletic department's 2021-2 season.  Both programs have some thinking to do about their respective direction, although one definitely has a lot more thinking to do than the other.

So the softball team at least was able to crush HBCU Prairie View A&M Saturday afternoon, 13-1 in five Innings, to remain alive in the Norman Regional of the NCAA Tournament.  That evening they were leading the school that gave the Gophers its first loss in the double-elimination format, Texas A&M, 6-2 after five Innings, but the Aggies erupted for six Runs in the top of the Sixth to eliminate the U., 10-7.

Like I said in a previous WMNSS, I was shocked as hell that Minnesota landed a spot in the NCAAs.  I think the late blown lead that ended their season is indicative of the fact that this squad, as of right now, does not have that lockdown ace Pitcher.  This Year the team was led by two hurlers, Autumn Pease and Emily Leavitt.  Both ended the Year with ERAs above 4.  Leavitt was the one who got shook down for those six runs by A&M in the Sixth, plus another two in the Seventh.  Meanwhile, Pease ended up with a record of 11-14.  Moreover, the best player on the club, Natalie DenHartog (One Of Us; she's from Hopkins) graduates this Year.  Who replaces her in the lineup?  It could be Chloe Evans, a Sophomore Utility from Seymour, Wisc., but no one came close to DenHartog's production, this season and all her seasons.  What I'm saying is that I don't think Minnesota is reloading.  And if the Gophers got lucky in making the tourney this Year, they're certainly not guaranteed of a similar fluke next Year.

With all that said, there was one saving grace in the U. getting bumped off by the Aggies.  That next day, Texas A&M had a rematch with Oklahoma, who were the Regional host, are the #1 overall Seed in the tournament, and gave A&M its first Loss.  The Sooners beat the ever-lovin' shit outta them, 20-0.  And yes, the Game was called after five Innings.  At least the Gophers didn't have to face that, yikes.

And looking at the big picture, the softballers are in a much better position than the baseball team.  I was at the season finale last Saturday against Northwestern.  (This was where I got cold because I guessed wrong on the weather.)  The U. was cruising through seven, 5-0.  The Wildcats scored two in the two of the Eighth, but I was so confident that the Golden Gophers were going to end this otherwise disappointing season on a good note that I completed the line on the final Northwestern Pitcher, Jack Sauser.  This Game isn't going to the bottom of the Ninth.  Right?

Well, fuck all this bullshit, 'cause Northwestern plated six in the top of the Ninth to take the lead.  Blame, if you wish (and you can) Tom Skoro, who, even after that embarrassment, finished with the third-best ERA on the ballclub at 4.50, and Sauser was able to close out the Goofs for his second Win of the Year.  (There was also one awful goddamn Error that could have prevented a few 'Cats Runs.)

So the U. finishes the season 6-18 in Big Ten play and 16-36 overall.  They finished dead last in the B1G for the second consecutive Year, and I don't know if John Anderson has ever done that in his 40 seasons leading the Maroon & Gold.  Not only is this team in trouble, the program -- if people want to get real -- is in trouble, too.  There has to be tangible turnaround next Year or ... well, Anderson might be safe for as long as he wants to remain as Manager.  Which might be the problem.  See, the entire conference is getting ten-figure checks because of the Big Ten Network.  I have to assume -- have to -- that some of that largesse is trickling down past the revenue-generating sports to baseball.  I think other schools in the league are upgrading their baseball facilities and staff.  The U. should be able to do the same.  That would mean that, because of their on-field underachieving, Minnesota is a sleeping giant.

So when the fuck is that program gonna wake up?

RIP, The Victims Of Uvalde, Henry Hill, And Fletch

You know, yesterday/Thursday was a shitty day.  Not at work; work was fine, even good.  But on top of the senseless massacre in Uvalde, Tex., on Tuesday, two celebrities died yesterday.  Both of them were in their sixties, and while I can't say I was an obsessive fan of theirs, I admired both of them.

Ray Liotta was the lead in Goodfellas, which I believe is the greatest film Martin Scorsese has ever made.  It is imminently re-watchable, and Liotta was one of the reasons why.  He drifted into TV several years ago as he did all three seasons of the Jennifer Lopez vehicle Shades Of Blue.  And while that show lost its way after its dynamite first season, his intensity, just millimeters from going out of control, was something you don't see on broadcast TV a lot.  I hear that he was shooting a move in the Dominican Republic, and yesterday morning, he just didn't wake up.

I heard the news of Liotta's death in the afternoon while surfing the Internet at work.  Later, while on Facebook at home after work, I saw a fanatic of Depeche Mode post the news that keyboardist and co-founder Andy "Fletch" Fletcher died.  (A cause of death, nor circumstances of his death, have yet to be released.)  To me, when it comes to synthesizer-based alternative music, Depeche Mode is the start, the source, the power, and if the band's calling card is the synthesizer, that makes Fletch the heart.  Violator is an essential album to many suburban teens, so much so that, back in its heyday, it felt as though the album was issued to every household with a disaffected adolescent.  I will also insist that Ultra is an underrated masterpiece in the DM oeuvre.  And Fletcher's work on the keys on those albums and all the others of his legendary band is ubiquitous and indelible.

Again, I wasn't hardcore stans of Liotta and Fletcher.  But I liked their creative work, a lot.  Their deaths, as far as I know, came out of nowhere, and even if they were in their sixties, they died way too soon.  Plus, after another American school shooting, I've been faced with even more death that feels so goddamn unfair.

The shitty day snuck up on me.  But yesterday was kind of shitty, no lie.

RIP to all of them.

Addendum To: "I Was Under The Impression You Speak English," AKA With Friends Like These, Who Needs Friends?

Goddamn, even typing that insult pisses me off.  But I responded to him in a way I vowed not to in this blog post.  I responded by saying I don't have time to keep track of the people who, for some goddamn reason (but I didn't say "goddamn") hate birthdays ... and then I talked about the monkeypox, something he brought up after he insulted me.

How did he respond?  By not being pissy about my (probably failed) passive-aggressiveness.  He just talked about how freaked out he was over the monkeypox.  I said it can only spread through close contact, like someone with the pox slapping people.  And then he said we should get together and eat.  (shrug)

I'll take it, I guess.  Don't know if we'll get together and eat, however.

---

This brings up something that happened to me early Saturday evening.  I was dropping by her place after the Gopher baseball Game because she was hosting her annual event where she was both selling her homemade jewelry and serving up kegs of beer for friends at her place close to downtown Minneapolis.  She lost her, I think, boyfriend/partner last year to COVID-19, and I haven't seen her until Saturday.  She is in good spirits, although it's obvious she misses her man every day.

I didn't stay long.  Probably a half-hour, enough to drink a cup of beer that was normal back in 1985.  Frankly, besides asking how she was and hoping things get less worse for her in the days ahead, I didn't have much of a reason to stay.  So I excused myself from hanging around with her friends and made my way inside her house to say goodbye to her.

She was there hanging out with a friend.  As I said goodbye, this dude, who was slurring his words because he was in the middle of day-drinking asked if he could ask me a question.  I said, "Sure!  What's the worst that could happen?"  And I swear I didn't understand it, but he might have, might have, said something racist, to which my friend, ah, jokingly chided him.  I shrugged and walked toward the front door.  And I think she said something to the effect of, "Friends -- what can you do?"

That's gotten me to thinking.  I have always prided myself on, and been careful about, the company that I keep.  And yet I know that there has to be at least one, and probably many others, who, when in other people's company has behaved or does behave in a way that I don't like.  And not just be annoyed by.  I'm talking about a characteristic where, if that was my first impression of my friend, that person wouldn't be my friend.

I've thought about my friends being assholes way before, but it's come up, and forgive me if you don't get this, during the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard defamation trial.  It appears as though that public opinion is siding with Depp.  In actuality, looks here that people are less declaring that Depp is innocent of beating Heard than berating and even mocking Heard's testimony on the witness stand.  There's a lot of misogyny that's baked into this phenomenon.  But I can't help but think that both Heard and Depp are terrible, fucked-up people who, to be honest, deserve each other.  And the only reason people are letting Depp go scot-free while upbraiding Heard for accusing him of beating her is because Depp is ... well, Johnny Depp.  He's Jack Sparrow!  He's the guy from 21 Jump Street!

There has been testimony that has painted Depp in a not-so-good light.  He has admitted texting Heard graphic, even violent threats.  And it looks as though he has not been a professional actor, especially in his later years.  But people continue to testify on his behalf, including ex-girlfriend and model Kate Moss, via video conference yesterday/Wednesday.  Moss testified that rumors that Depp threw her down a flight of stairs is false.  I don't quite believe her, but my point is that he has gotten friends and fans tuning in to a tabloid-style trial that is exposing the worst facts about him.  I loved him in the first Pirates Of The Caribbean, but I've heard enough in this trial to think he's a dangerous asshole.  His friends and fans must be hearing these same negative details about him.  Are they surprised?  And can they continue to regard him as his friend?  If I were Depp's buddy, it would be extremely hard for me to hear this, then look him in the eye and commit to continue being his friend.

No, no one is perfect.  And I'm sure my friends have to rationalize and/or make excuses about me and my behavior from time to time.  But where is the line separating, for lack of a better word, loyalty and standing up for a set of principles you expect the people in your life you like to follow?  Is it a racist comment?  Is it being told you're stupid?

Sometimes I don't understand why my friends can't just be perfect, you know?

I Like This Weather, But

Today is supposed to be an all-day rainy one.  Well, scratch that -- they're now saying that the showers will be heavy through the afternoon, then become scattered.  That sucks for me because there is a U. S. Open Cup Match between Minnesota United and Union Omaha tonight.  I will not go if it's raining, but if it's going to be scattered by this evening, does that mean that there will be no rain?  Will it be just a mist?  Or am I going to be hit with some rain as I get to the stadium and, like, the First Half of the Match?

And it's going to stay in the fifties, too.  We've had temperatures in the sixties and seventies, but like nearly all of April, it feels as though we've been in the 50's way too often this month.  And that would be great -- I have often said I prefer temps in the fifties -- if I were prepared for it.  I wasn't prepared for it Saturday, for example, when I gambled that the sun would be out often enough during the Gophers baseball Game that I would be warm.  Nope; not often sun, and the wind was whipping enough to go through my thin button-down shirt that I was on the cold side all Game.  I thought it would be like the Twins Game a few Years ago where I sat in the outfield with a t-shirt and jeans and was baking like a pastry in the oven all afternoon.  That didn't happen Saturday.

That temperature is perfect.  It's be fantastic in early February.  It would even be OK now ... as long as I'm dressed for it.  But I wasn't dressed for it Saturday, and I don't know if I felt ready to dress appropriately most of the days this month when temps have been this low.  Maybe I should, you know, dress warmly.

"I Was Under The Impression You Speak English"

Oh, you stupid, stupid man whom I regret calling a friend.  You rude, East Coast, smelly fucking bum.  I have tried seeing the good side of you, and frankly, I really didn't want to get on your bad side.  Whenever you insulted one of our co-workers I looked the other way, rationalizing it by thanking God he didn't yell at me.  I tried bonding with you through baseball, even though we haven't done that since the Metrodome was torn down.  Frankly, after your fucking insult to me, I don't know if I want to see a baseball game with you.  Or anything with you.

One fucking snide comment because you hate birthdays.  I don't have goddamn time in my life to keep track of the butthurt peccadilloes of acquaintances who can't see that what they don't like is shared by few, if any, of the people he claims he knows.  Jesus fucking Christ, get over yourself.

Would I be the butthurt one if I passive-aggressively delete my comment to him, or hide his comment to me, or mute him for a month, or post a status update that I'm above and over his bullshit, or defriend his fucking ass?  Oh, God, I know that normal people would turn the other cheek when it comes to comments like that, but fuckin' A, I'm not normal people.  I'm me.  I've got principles.  I've got self-respect.  And I know that people don't care about my butthurt peccadilloes, so I don't go out of my way to insult people I consider friends.  Unlike you and the oblivious, pathetic, fake world where you've anointed yourself king.  Goddamn -- right now, I wish I never met you.

Addendum To: Trying To Arrange My Weekend

OK, out of the dozen things on my to-do list for the weekend, I did, uh, 7-ish things.  I say "-ish" because did see soccer, but not on Saturday because I don't think there was any place showing the League One Play-Up Match that morning, and I got through about half of the dishes.  So I did a half-dozen things and two things partially.

Haven't gotten around to washing my clothes because I have dirty clothes I am going to throw in the dirty hamper after I sleep in them tonight.  Didn't exercise because I decided to catch up on my sleep instead.  And it turns out I didn't go to the arboretum after all.  I did not realize until I finally checked the address that this place is way out in Carver County.  And since I watched soccer yesterday/Sunday morning out in St. Paul, and that I ... uh, kinda wanted to go back home and do my chores, I wasn't up to going all the way from St. Paul to Carver County.  I feel guilty about it because I don't think anyone else wanted to go with the person who organized it.  If I were totally free -- no morning soccer to watch, no chores I felt like I needed to do -- I would have totally gone.  But, well, that's justification.

I wasn't 100%, but I think I accomplished a lot.

Oh, there was one other thing I didn't get to: The massage.  But I'll touch on that in my next blog post.

Three Post Day

Just want to note that yesterday I blog posted not once, not twice, but thrice.  I have posted three times in a day before on Wailing And Failing, but I don't remember the last time, even though I think it was a long time ago.  It's just that my last two blog posts, about mowing the lawn and going to a concert with a paper ticket, were time-sensitive; I wanted to get both of them in on the day the subjects I was talking about happened (when it comes to the first blog post) or was going to happen (when it comes to the second).

Man, Remember Paper Tickets?

I'm going to a concert in a few hours.  It was scheduled for March 2020 -- right at the start of the pandemic.  Twenty-six months later, I finally get to see these guys.  Man, this delay has to be some sort of record.

When I was looking for my ticket to the show online, I couldn't find it.  But I bought this before the pandemic, so there was a possibility that instead of an online ticket, I was sent a ticket that I could print out.  Checked my e-mail from way back and, yep, I am supposed to print it out.  Or, maybe there's a possibility that the ticket transferred to my online account, and that I can use my phone, but I have the app of AXS, the company through which I bought this ticket, and I don't see it on there.  Maybe I'm looking at the wrong place, but I'm going to assume that because they initially sold tickets for this concert before the pandemic, if you didn't have the app when you bought it (and I didn't), you can only print a ticket now.

Printing tickets ... man, that's a relic from only two years ago, huh?  I do not see any printed tickets anymore anywhere.  They're gone.  Venues tried to get people to switch to online ticketing before the pandemic to save on money.  But the pandemic and the ensuing lockdown gave those venues both the excuse of forbidding paper tickets because of the fear (largely debunked since) that the coronavirus could spread on surfaces and the time to fully implement mobile-only ticket systems.  And that is where we are.

However, if this concert that was supposed to take place back in March of 2020 issued paper tickets, and there are other people like me who don't have or couldn't find their ticket through the app, there are going to be a bunch of people, like me, whipping out these full sheets of paper with barcodes printed on them.  That would be a sight to behold.  Seeing that might even bring a tear to my eye because it would make me nostalgic for a simpler time when a virus wasn't trying to wipe out all of humanity.  And I might also weep because it may (probably?) be the last time I will ever see a concert whereby I and other concertgoers need to hand over a tangible object in order to get in.  Have to remind myself to not blink or else the moment will be gone, forever.

No Mow May No Mo'

I couldn't do it.  I couldn't last that long.  I understand the theory behind No Mow May, even though I think it's too simple an idea to not have its detractors.  But the grass was getting too damn long.  Parts of the front yard were a foot long -- a foot!  If I waited eleven more days I was afraid my lawnmower wouldn't be able to mow without getting clogged up.  And besides, those detractors: One of them's my co-worker, and she pointed out that if we're getting rain in the next couple days (although I don't think we're supposed to get rain here for a while), the grass you mow will quickly grow back -- and the dandelions and other flowers (and maybe weeds) you decapitated will quickly grow back, too.  So are the bees and the other pollinators really in trouble if you mow in May?

So I just mowed.  And ngl, I feel a weight off my shoulders seeing a modest instead of an obscene height of grass when I look outside.  (I moved up the deck of my lawnmower anyway to make absolutely sure it'll mow without getting stuck up.)  And to make up for it, maybe I won't mow for another, oh, month.  Maybe.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  Easy choice for top spot.  They finished 4-2 on the Week.  Starting Pitching continues to impress, the youngsters in the lineup are hitting (especially Royce Lewis ... who promptly was sent back down to AAA St. Paul once Carlos Correa was ready to come off the Injured List), and the relievers have been able to shut the door, getting three Saves this screening Week.  They maintain their lead in the A. L. Central.  Bad news: SP Chris Paddack, for whom the Twins traded Taylor Rodgers to San Diego just before the season began, had Tommy John surgery and is gone for the Year.

They finish up a three-Game series at Kansas City tonight/Saturday night and tomorrow/Sunday afternoon.  Minnesota then entertains Detroit at Target for three starting on Monday, followed by a rematch with the Royals (albeit as a four-Game set) beginning on Thursday.

#-2: Gopher softball (Re-Entry!).  Honestly, I though this squad's season ended back on the 11th, when they got blanked by Wisconsin, 2-0, in the First Round of the Big Ten Tournament.  (I didn't write their #-Infinity obituary last Week because I wanted to rag on the Wild for several paragraphs.  This team's season was over anyway, so why couldn't I just wait a Week to get around to slagging them?)  They finished ninth in the conference, they didn't win a single Game in the conference tourney, they finished below .500 in the league (11-12), and they finished with an overall record of 26-25-1.  I did see one softball bracketologist -- before the field of 64 was set, mind you -- predict that the U. was a team under consideration of making the NCAA Tournament.  But they were still out, like, the fifth-last team out.  The Gophers didn't have a case ... right?

Well, touch me in the morning and then just walk away, they did!  And they got into the tournament -- and as a three-Seed!  Apparently I didn't look deep enough and/or did not check projections back on Sunday, the day the field was released, because I now see a couple of websites that predicted Minnesota would be in.  And apparently it was the club's RPI of 38 (which got that high thanks to a rigorous out-of-conference schedule and Wins over Arizona St. and Central Florida, two ballclubs whose RPIs are in the top 20) that powered them into the postseason.  Frankly, I don't agree with it, and if there was some chatter over reaches and snubs in this tourney on Sunday, the Gophers rightly would be singled out as one of the former.

But that's academic now.  They began their tournament journey yesterday/Friday afternoon in the Normal Regional against the 2-Seed, Texas A&M ... and they lost, 5-1.  So today/Saturday they face an Elimination Game vs. Prairie View, and assuming the Gophers win, they probably will have a rematch with the Aggies later on in the day.  It doesn't really matter, though; the 1-Seed in this Region, host Oklahoma, is the #1 overall Seed in the NCAAs, the proverbial Queens Of The Hill.  I am pleasantly surprised by Minnesota's inclusion in the tournament, but really, they're done this weekend.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  Split a Doubleheader Sunday (created because the Saturday Game was postponed) at Indiana to avoid a sweep, then lost at home to Nebraska-Omaha on Tuesday, 10-7 in 11 Innings -- how emblematic of a disaster of a season this was -- then have split the first two Games of their regular season-ending series versus Northwestern at Siebert.  They were eliminated from the Big Ten Tournament (let alone the NCAA Tournament) Weeks ago, but last/Friday night's 11-9 Loss to the Wildcats ensured that the U. would finish in last place in the conference for the second straight Year.  Has that ever happened before, let alone in the John Anderson Era?

Like I pointed out in my previous blog post, I am planning on going to Siebert this/Saturday afternoon for the regular season finale.  Siebert Field is a neat ballpark, and I always intend on going to a contest there at least once a Year, and the Game today is the last chance to do it.  I pray that they won't embarrass themselves because it is Senior Day.

#-4: Lynx (Last Week: -4).  Well, at least they won for the first time this season, beating the Sparks in Los Angeles Tuesday by 3.  And the two Losses this screening Week, at home to Chicago and at Las Vegas, were at least competitive -- 4 vs. the Sky and six versus the Aces.  I won't say In Reeve I Trust, but the squad overcame a bad start last Year to finish with the third-best record in the WNBA.  I don't think they'll be able to turn this around, but they're only six Games into the season, so they do have the time to pull off such a miracle.

This Week is light.  They visit The Bastard Detroit-By-Way-Of Tulsa Shock this/Saturday evening, then host New York Tuesday.  They then don't have a contest until Sunday.

#-5: United FC (Last Week: -3).  This Side's inability to finish scoring continues to haunt them.  On Sunday they went to Seattle and, like at Allianz Field, got worked over by the tune of 3-1.  They then host the Los Angeles Galaxy on Wednesday and, shades of their defeat to FC Cincinnati at home on the 7th creeping over the crowd, the Loons had the run of play at many junctions of the Match and couldn't put the goddamn ball where it should have gone.  The Galaxy did in the Second Half, however, courtesy of a Penalty Kick given after the ref reviewed a play in MNUFC's defensive box at least a few Minutes after that infraction presumably happened.

Thank God, then, for a Finnish finish courtesy of Robin Lod:

Robin Lod! @MNUFC find their equalizer with minutes to go! pic.twitter.com/hvvml9C3qx

— Major League Soccer (@MLS) May 19, 2022

I still remember Lod totally sucking his first Year with the XI.  I was ready to send him out of town along with all the other high-priced, fly-by-night foreigners United FC have brought (and continue to bring) in.  But Lod, with that Goal, has 21 for Minnesota, and that ties him with Christian Ramirez, Darwin Quintero, and Kevin Molino for most Goals for this franchise since it graduated to top-flight American men's soccer.  Adrian Heath still sometimes shifts Lod to the Wing when he has been more than adequate as a False 9.  But make no mistake: Not only is Lod the only Striker worth his salt right now, there is no Offense at all if he and Emmanuel Reynoso are bottled up.  This team needs depth so a Defense doesn't just key on those two players and shut down the Loons' attack.  With that said, United FC managed a Point with that 1-all Draw with the Galaxy.  However, the ballclub's winless streak in league play now is at four, and they sit just outside of a playoff spot.

Tomorrow/Sunday evening they visit FC Dallas.  There then is an Eighth-Final U. S. Open Cup showdown vs. Union Omaha Wednesday.  I might go to that Game ... if Minnesota is able to march into Big D and come out with a Win over a very robust Hoops squad a few Days prior.

Trying To Arrange My Weekend

So this is what I want to do this weekend:

• Go to a concert tonight/Friday
• Go to a concert tomorrow/Saturday
• Mow the lawn
• Go to an art gallery
• See my high school friend; checking up on her to see if she's alright
• Watch a lot of soccer, both tomorrow/Saturday and Sunday morning
• Hang out with my group at the arboreteum on Sunday
• Get a massage from ******a
• Exercise
• Catch up on my sleep
• Wash the dishes
• Wash my clothes

That's a lot to pack into a weekend.  I doubt I'll get to it all.  I might revisit this list in future blog posts, but the things that will fall away are washing the dishes and clothes, exercising and, I'm afraid, hanging out with my group.  I haven't hung out with this group in a while, and their monthly excursion is rare enough that I usually would do that over other things that happen more frequently.  But I think that there will be other things that I can only get around to on Sunday that ... well, I don't want to say prefer, but that's the only word I can think of right now.

Anyway, I should go.  The first thing on my to-do list: Catching up on my sleep.

Overtime's Completely Complicating Things (Scheduled Post)

I've scheduled this post, like the one I actually wrote late Tuesday then scheduled for very early Wednesday morning, because I plan on coming to work early the next day.  Overtime has been offered at the end of work twice this week, as well as twice last week.  When that happens, the offer is to stay up to two hours late after the end of your usual shift and up to two hours before your shift the next day begins.

I have seen my bank account, and my credit card bills.  Also, I remember that I will be paying for the cost of this house soon enough.  Finally, I am cognizant of all the sex sessions I am having and know that it is going to be very difficult for me to let them go; those fuckaround sessions cost money.  So, at least for right now, I cannot afford to pass up OT, especially since I don't have parents who have made dinner I need to come home to at a decent hour.

So I am staying as late as I possibly can in the afternoon, and trying to get up early enough to make it worth it the following morning.  That has done a huge number on my sleep routine, let alone how awake I feel while working.  Moreover, there is a research study I have recently enrolled in, but cannot be fully enrolled in until I speak to someone over the phone to complete a screening.  I originally scheduled this last week but put it off because I wanted to stay and work overtime.  Well, as of yesterday/Thursday afternoon, I have e-mailed this interviewer four times asking for a postponement.  (I also was home once to receive her call at our originally appointed time, but our phone calls to each other could not be completed because we have crappy phones or something.)  She's a saint in understanding and rescheduling every single time.

And, of course, this has made me scramble to put in my daily blog post.  This week I am resorting to scheduling posts.  I may have to continue doing so if overtime is available for the foreseeable future.

Allergy Medicine Is Not Working

The trees and flowers are finally blooming ... and with that, allergy season is now kicking in.  I can feel it the past few days: My nose has been running more and, more acutely, my eyes have been itchy as all get out.

Problem is is that I didn't think my allergies would get this bad.  I have used this nasal spray for several years now that works.  I even began using it in February, the dead of winter, which you're supposed to do even though there is no pollen in the wintertime because you prime your body to fend them off before they're everywhere.  In other words, the spray gets the jump on the allergies.  Taking it while your nose and respiratory system is getting overwhelmed by it will render the spray completely ineffective.

So why am I still suffering from allergies even though I've used the allergy spray (OK, OK, off and on) for the past three months?  Beats me.

Spoiled Bread, Just Like That? (Scheduled Post)

So on Wednesday I bought a small loaf of Italian bread that I would make sandwiches with on days I didn't want to spend money.  I already had the deli meats and cheeses; now with the bread, I can make sammies whenever I wanted to.  It's just that I never got around to even wanting to make sandwiches until last/Tuesday night.

And I was finally ready to make myself a proper sandwich!  I got out the cutting board and the knife, and I finally unwrapped the bread ... and I see this dot of mold right on the surface.  You gotta be fuckin' kidding me.  Checked online just in case if I could just cut off the visible mold on top of the bread.  Nope; since Italian is soft bread, the roots of the mold could be all over the loaf by now.

So I bought it on Wednesday.  The label says that the sell-by date was Friday, for whatever that's worth.  And so mold has begun to spore on it by Tuesday?  In just four-to-six days??  Doesn't spoilage like that seem a little quick, even for freshly-made bread???

Well, whatever.  I ate the deli meats and cheeses by hand (not all of them though; I hope they still keep for the next few days because I don't think I'm buying bread anytime soon) because I got no bread.  And tomorrow I'll throw that whole loaf in the trash.  It was only $1.50 or so, but it's still a waste of food and money.  And it went bad in less than a week?!  I don't get it.

I Went To The Auto Show. But I Acted Like I Went To The State Fair

The Twin Cities Auto Show is in its second year at the State Fairgrounds, and now that I went there yesterday/Monday for the first time ever (its first year there was last year, and I didn't go because I was still freaked out over the pandemic), it should be there every year from now on instead of the Minneapolis Convention Center, where it had been, I think, forever.  The car manufacturers are trying to push test drives, and you can't do that in downtown Minneapolis, but you sure can on the Fairgrounds where there are way fewer people and more space where the Midway and other attractions would be in late August to drive the hell out of the cars you're trying to sell.  There might be bad weather, but some of the displays are under canopies, and besides, they're show cars, so who cares if they get wet?  Finally, parking is free for the Auto Show because everyone gets to park where the buses usually dump you off from the area park-and-rides.  Parking at the Convention Center was a pain in the ass; you either paid money at the ramp right next to it, or you had to dump quarters into a meter close by, if you could find one.  It may be in its second year here, but putting the car show here is a perfect fit.

I was looking forward to getting my steps in while enjoying looking at cars I can't afford and will never buy (at least not until my car[s] go to hell on me) all over the Fairgrounds.  Added bonus: Some of the State Fair vendors opened up to serve food.  So my plan of attack was eating here while going to see these cars over there, rinse and repeat.  That did not go to plan.

First of all, not all car manufacturers were at the Twin Cities Auto Show.  I saw the map of the Fairgrounds with the ones that were there and where on the grounds they were, and I had forgotten when I took that initial glance that some prominent ones such as Honda and Lexus weren't going to be there.  Is it related to the pandemic?  Did they not like the switch to an outdoor venue?  A lot of makes I wanted to see weren't there.  Another thing: There aren't brochures anymore.  I have bags of brochures from years past that I still haven't read yet.  I did not pick up a single one last night, and I don't think there were any to give out.  That trend began before the pandemic; it wasn't really cost-effective to print pamphlets if instead you can direct a potential customer who really wanted more information about a car to a website or a QR code displayed right next to the car on display.  But the pandemic just rendered a "thing" like a brochure meaningless to make and give out, or so I guess.  Turns out I went to the huge Toyota display, then the Luxury Lane part of the Fairgrounds (which was housed in the Eco Building, and I think that's a bit ironic, but I digress), then the smaller Audi display (where I think I found the most expensive car I could get into, the $135,830 S8, and then finally the Jeep display, where I went only because I wanted to walk off the mini-donuts I ate, the end of a walking feed bag I made for myself.

And that's the rub.  My plan was to eat all the staples of the State Fair -- the French fries, the Pronto Pup, the mini-donuts and the cheese curds -- while getting into all the cars I'll never buy and dreaming of driving in style (or, in the case of the Toyota Corolla, practicality).  But it's hard to do that when you're eating things not on the list like Cheese-In-A-Stick and duck drummies, or drinking things you didn't plan on drinking like lemonade or a Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy.  Then, as I realized that there weren't many manufacturers I wanted to look at and there were no brochures that would be fun to grab, I devoted more of my time to eating and drinking on the Minnesota State Fairgrounds ... like it was the Minnesota State Fair.  And thank Buddha I was walking aimlessly everywhere.  I felt my stomach had reached its limit when I sat down at the Blue Moon Drive-In and ate a small chocolate shake while watching a concert film of, I think, the Moody Blues at the Montreaux Jazz Festival, which seems totally random.  But I ate/drank it all, and I still felt I had the stomach (and the guts) to get the mini-donuts.  Not exactly true; I ate half before stopping, and I ate the other half just now, after they got all cold and hard.  But I finished them all, and I made a deal with myself that all the State Fair foods I consumed at the car show I didn't need to consume when the State Fair rolls around in the summer.  Let's see if I stick to that deal.  (For the record, I didn't get around to the cheese curds, and I didn't plan on eating Aunt Martha's cookies because I want to pair them with the All-You-Can-Drink milk bar, which is not open for the Twin Cities Auto Show.)

So, I wanted to look at cars last night, but in my heart of hearts I wanted to act like it was the State Fair.  My stomach certainly feels the way it usually feels after a day or night at the Fair.  Meanwhile, all I brought home was the car show map guide, a pamphlet about propane, a couple of cards from dealers who were there, and a mini-bottle of water from the Audi showroom, which was arranged on a table to look like the interlocking circles of the Audi logo, how cute.  I was able to tote all of those things home in a Toyota bag, which, thankfully, is still around.

And that was my night at the Minnesota State Fair Twin Cities Auto Show.

More Bumps On My Head

Got my hair cut ... Wednesday afternoon, I think.  I have been touching my head since then because I can now that all that pesky hair is out of the way.  And I have noticed that there are now bumps on the side of my head.  I have had bumps on the back of my head, probably the result of acne back there.  But on the side?  I don't know where I got those from.  I certainly haven't banged my head on anything, even though I have felt like I wanted to, many times.  Is it some sort of blood condition, where vessels in my head are popping and pooling blood in spots all around my head?  If so, is that a dangerous thing?

Whatever the case, I have gone back to using Father's topical cream for which I can't get a prescription.  I have also used tea tree oil.  I don't know if either works, but whenever I have the time and whenever I know the uh, gunkiness of the prescription nor the aroma of the tea tree oil won't affect me the next day (so, in other words, I don't think I'll use it if I have to go to work the next day), I'll try it.  Well, I'll try it until my hair starts growing long enough that neither the cream nor the oil will reach the skin.

If I detect more bumps on my head than I have now, then I'll really freak out.

Jonesin' For OF

You know, I have decided that I will start using the other credit card that fucked me -- just a little bit more, but I'll use it.  Why?  Because right now I'm jonesin' for OnlyFans.  Actually, there are a couple "conversations" that I have left off because I had boycotted my credit card, but I need to pick those up where I left them off.  The trick now is not getting so addicted that I am paying huge bills every month.  Pray that I have some self-control.

Here.  Goes.  Nuthin'. ...

Grandmother's Best Friend Is Losing It

So I took my monthly visit to Grandmother's best friend yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  And unfortunately, she was not ... her.  And it was weird.

I saw her sitting on the threshold to her room, like she's been doing the past few times I've visited her.  But instead of greeting me with a quizzical look upon which she starts doing karate chop moves (I don't get it), she sternly pointed at me with her bony, old finger.  She's done that in the past as well, but when I ask if I could around her, sit in her room and talk to her (well, more like sit in front of her while I'm looking at my phone), she yammered in her usual Vietnamese.  I couldn't understand what she said, I never do, but I understood her tone, and it was ... meaner, more sinister.  She didn't want me to go into her room.

That's when the orderly came around.  She seemed to at least be familiar with him, although I can't tell for sure because she's unable to communicate with him.  (The first several times I visited her at this facility, she was able to speak English.  The next several times she started speaking to me in English, then slipped into her native Vietnamese as she, I guess, got tired.  She's speaking Vietnamese all the time nowadays.)  He tried to convince her to let me in -- "He loves you!" he kept telling her.

Then she did the strangest, and I'm afraid most frightening, thing she's ever done to me.  She offered up her hand as if she wanted me to place my hand on top of hers.  For some reason, I don't know why, I laid my right index finger close to her hand.  She grabbed it with her whole hand and yanked it, and me, towards her, and hard, very hard, so hard that I tipped over toward her.  She's still got her grip, I can tell you that.  But that was an indication, I'm afraid to conclude, that she has permanently lost it.

The orderly got her to calm down and let me in.  Everything was fine, relatively speaking, after that.  We ate chips together, she spoke in Vietnamese, I tried capturing what she said on Papago but it didn't work (never has), and I spent time texting ******a to arrange a rubdown right after that.  Grandmother's friend didn't get violent or cross with me any time after that.  But a couple times she, uh, made noises.  She growled once.  And once when I was really focusing on scrolling through my phone, she started barking like a dog.

I think I have seen signs of mental decline in her.  But it's hard to tell because, like with Grandmother when I was scared she developed Alzheimer's, the language barrier between me and Grandmother's friend made it difficult for me to understand if what she's saying was pure gibberish.  (Now that I write that, back when she was speaking in English, I remember her asking several times during a single visit how was my Grandmother, even though she had been dead for at least a year or so at that time.)  Memory difficulties, from what I can gather, aren't necessarily signs of full-blown Alzheimer's.  Neither, for that matter, are making sounds.  But her growling and barking are things she's never done before.  Plus, it's strange.

And, finally, when I got up after an hour to say my goodbyes to her, I didn't do what I usually do: Hug and kiss her on her forehead.  She wasn't hostile to me as she was when I first showed up, but all through my visit she was ... different.

I don't know what's going on; I will say she's losing it, but I don't know for sure.  I want to believe it's just that she was ornery that day.  I'll see her again, next month.  But if she acts up like this again ... well, let me say that I try visiting her for an hour every time I go down to see her, and maybe I need to shorten those visits if she remains ... different.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -6).  I just saw that I made a mistake in last Week's survey; I had two #-5's, the Jynx and the Goofer baseballers.  I corrected it so that the U. of M. Nine had the #-6 I intended to give them.

Anyway, they get the #-1 spot this Week, and honestly, it was pretty cut and dried.  This ballclub is the only Twin Cities sports team to finish above .500 for the screening Week.  They did that by taking the series at home against Nebraska via winning Saturday and Sunday.  And oh, sure, they dropped the series opener at Indiana yesterday/Friday evening by coughing up six Runs in the Eighth Inning and blowing a 6-2 lead.  (Jack Liffrig was shaken down for four Runs and took the Loss, but Josh Culliver did Liffrig no favors because Culliver allowed the two players he faced to reach base.)  But in a pretty awful Week for the Twin Cities, these guys are the only ones who acquitted themselves with even a touch of grace.

In case you were wondering: The Big Ten has a baseball tournament.  It is double elimination.  And it hosts eight teams.  As of now, the U. is dead last in the B1G.

After finishing up in Bloomington, they come home to close out the regular season.  On Tuesday the U. faces Nebraska-Omaha, and finally Northwestern comes through for a three-Game, Thursday-to-Saturday series.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Even (3-3) for the Week.  They completed a home sweep of the Athletics over the weekend, but then got viciously humbled by the Asterisks Trashstros Astros midweek where they lost all three contests by a combined score of 21-3 ... and that includes 5-0 Shutouts Tuesday and Thursday.  (Wednesday's matchup was postponed in the Third Inning, but Houston was already leading at the time, but at least the Twinks scored Runs.)  They've gotten back on the good foot with last/Friday night's 12-8 Win over the newly-minted Cleveland Guardians.

Sweep at home by Houston aside, all phases of the team are trending in the right direction.  I've been particularly harsh on the Bullpen, but I've seen stats where they've been rock-solid for a while now, so I apologize.  The Rotation continues to pay dividends.  And the Lineup (again, Astros aside) is producing Runs.  It helps a lot that Byron Buxton is not hurt (knock on wood).

Their nine-Game homestand ends this weekend vs. said Guardians.  They strike out on the road: Three in Oakland starting Monday, then three in Kansas City beginning Friday.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -4).  I remember in the second season for the Loons in top-flight (this was at TCF Bank Stadium, home of the Gopher football team) that they gave up two Goals last in their Match with the Seattle Sounders to lose, 2-1.  And while I understood this outfit needed more time to find itself and gel, it was the first time I seriously asked myself why do I shell out so much money to be a season ticketholder when all I would see is incompetent dreck like what I saw.

Saturday night was the second time I felt that way.  They were up against FC Cincinnati, a side that were vastly improved from the shitshow they were the previous two seasons, but not a world beater.  And MNUFC had chance after chance after chance to put the ball in net, but they couldn't finish, they couldn't fucking finish.  As the tilt went on, FCC gained more possession of the ball, and finally, in the 93rd Minute, Brandon Vazquez capitalized on a Backline blunder and, to be honest, stole a 1-0 win at Allianz.  Disgraceful.

For a while now there's been a subset of fans who want #heathout.  I think this could be the Loss, if it starts a domino of defeats, that could lead to Adrian Heath being ousted as Manager.  Ironically, however, if that were to be the case, it would have been for the wrong reasons.  Because even if Heath made the decision to not play Robin Lod (I don't know if he's injured or not), those players had enough chances to score a goddamn Goal.  And they didn't.  This shitty performance is on them.

I am loathe to evaluate this XI in other competitions besides Major League Soccer, but the sport of soccer is different from all other sports in the sense that a team competes in more than one competition at the same time.  I've come to the conclusion that a Loss in the U. S. Open Cup merits mention, and accountability, here in the WMNSS, but a Win doesn't.  That's just how I roll.

With that being said ... I thought about going to Wednesday's USOC contest vs. the Colorado Rapids, but I decided against it because 1) I was still disgusted by what I saw Saturday, and 2) severe weather was being forecast that evening.  Glad I was right; there were storms so hellacious that the Match was postponed until the following afternoon.  So I would've gotten soaked, and then I wouldn't have been able to see the whole Game I paid for because I work during the day.

Well, MNUFC beat the Rapids, 2-1, on a golazo by Emmanuel Reynoso.  Moreover, Minnesota United FC won while playing with ten men because Brett Kallman got a second Yellow Card.  OK, they have my attention again.  But tomorrow/Saturday afternoon they visit tormentor Seattle, and then the club have their first midweek league Match, at home against the Los Angeles Galaxy.  Things could point back south in a hurry.

#-4: Lynx (Last Week: -5).  OK, some weird shit is going on with this franchise, and none of it is good.  Losses to Washington and Indiana have dropped the Jynx (man, haven't used that insult in a long time) to 0-3 for the second straight Year (last Year they actually began 0-4).  In the loss to the previously-winless Fever on Tuesday, Head Coach Cheryl Reeve benched starters Angel McCoughtry and Aerial Powers.

The slaughter really happened Thursday.  The team bought out McCoughtry's contract and waved four players, including Guard Odyssey Sims, who played heavy minutes for Reeve and the club last season, and Rennia Davis, last Year's First Round pick.  I understand the cap maneuvering to assemble WNBA rosters is suffocating, but McCoughtry and Sims were two of the vets who were supposed to be key pieces to this team making another run in the playoffs assisting Sylvia Fowles.  Plus, they dumped their First Round pick from last Year -- was Davis that bad?

Guard play really tripped them up at the end of last season.  With Sims gone, however, Reeve initially gave the keys to One Of Us Rachel Banham.  I don't know if Reeve still has confidence in her, because versus the Fever Yvonne Turner wound up playing more Minutes than her, and on top of all that, Forward Jessica Shepard led the team in Assists.  FiveThirtyEight believes the key statistic to follow for the Jynx is Assist Percentage, particularly how far from the high rate in 2021 will it fall.

And in case you haven't heard, Napheesa Collier is taking at least the first chunk of the season off because she's having a baby.  You add this all up, and a part of me thinks Reeve made an abrupt change (she's also the General Manager) and went from going all in to stripping the team down to the studs in order to reload for a bumper crop of draftees next Year.  It's going to be a hard fall, but longtime Jynx fans know how shitty this team was back in the day before rising out of the ashes.  Nevertheless, this season could be a tough one to bear.

This screening Week they host defending champions The Chicago Sky travelling out to Los Angeles and Las Vegas.

#-Infinity: Wild (Last Week: 0).  I am so both bummed and pissed at the Mild's bitching out to St. Louis in six Games that I'm not going to write about the Gopher softball squad, even though they likely had their season end in the First Round of the B1G Softball Tournament Wednesday.  My feelings about the pro hockey team in town will crowd out what I should say about that other ballclub.

As for the Mild, I don't know where to begin.  All I have are bullet points that prove this franchise's impotence:

• First off, the Mild continue to say that they were a great team 5-on-5.  Sure, I'll buy that.  But that means that can't give up penalties, because their Penalty Kill was fucking shit all season.  But they were familiar with the Penalty Box plenty enough that St. Louis scored eight Goals off of them while on the Power Play.  The Mild, meanwhile, didn't a whole hell of a lot when they had the man advantage, and they went 4-for-24 when they were on the Power Play.  Superiority while at Even Strength seemed like a great plus, but they weren't on it often enough.
• Kevin Fiala, regular season hero, turned playoff zero -- as in no Goals.  People were staying up nights figuring out how to extend his contract in Minnesota.  Now, those same people are figuring what they can get for his rights.  Fickle hypocrisy ... but right now, I understand.
• Ryan Hartman, who came out of nowhere to score 34 Goals during the regular season, didn't deposit even one.  And St. Louis allowed him to skate the puck into the Offensive Zone because they knew he didn't have the skill or the creativity to get that puck to his linemates, Kirill Kaprizov and Mats Zuccarello.
• This series went six Games, but surprisingly, none of them were close.  Just look at the margins of victory.  In order, they were: four, four, four, three, three, and four.  That meant we had false hope with their only Wins of the series, in Games 2 and 3.  In Game 4 the Blues lost players, especially Defenseman, left and right, but they dropped that Game and, oh yeah, the next two.  The Mild end their season on a three-Game losing streak where they were outscored 15-5.  Some offense.
• I need to dole out some accountability to the coaching.  Game 4 may have been the pivot point in this series, but Blues Head Coach Craig Berube juggled his lines to counteract our GREEF (Jordan Greenway/Joel Eriksson Ek/Kevin Fiala) Line, and it worked.  And Mild HC Dean Evason didn't adjust in turn.  Not until Game 6, when he finally put in Cam Talbot for a shaky Marc-Andre Fleury.  You really don't want to put in a Goalie for the first time in a series in an elimination Game, for fuck's sake.
• Oh, and finally: This is their seventh one-and-done in the past Decade.  And they haven't won a series in the Stanley Cup Playoffs since 2015.

This is why it doesn't pay to be a sports fan.  Even the most jaded Minnesota rube fell in love with the Mild, thinking This Is It.  They may have heard that advanced metrics gave Minnesota the third-best chance of winning it all.  (Sure, the top two were Colorado and Calgary, also in the Western Conference, but so what?)  They saw the Mild had Kaprizov and Zucc and Hartman, and they traded for the Goalie talisman, Marc-Andre Fleury.

And it didn't mean a fucking thing.  I didn't watch any Second of this crap because I knew what was going to happen.  But it seemed as though from the middle of Game 4 on, the Mild quit.  They just gave up, played stupid, didn't care.  And it was particularly shocking to skim through Michael Russo's Game 6 obituary on the squad and see how many goddamn mistakes they kept making.  These guys won 53 Games and racked up 113 Points, and they decided to play like the fuckin' Charlestown Chiefs when it mattered the most?!

Fuck this team, because these guys, and this organization, is now and truly fucked.  I said it going into this season: The move by General Manager Billy Guerin to buy out the bloated, perpetuating contracts of Zach Parise and Ryan Suter -- and then to somehow delay the really big cap hits by a Year -- meant that the Mild had only one season, this season, to do anything substantial.  Next Year, he is going to need to find 25 players who will fit under a cap situation that is $12.7 million less than that of other teams, or between 15-6% of their cap space.  In each of the two Years after that, he'll need to find 25 who'll play while having $14.7 million (18%) less than other teams.  (Aside: You may believe the organization needed the twin PR jolt of signing two superstars.  But the consequences of those signings are happening right now.  These signings were okayed by Owner Craig Leipold, and he needs to get more blame than he's getting now.)

That means the team will be jettisoning players they want to keep.  Now, the team will be jettisoning players they can't wait to get rid of.  Fiala?  Hartman?  Matt Dumba?  Flower?  Cam Talbot, who I had no fucking idea was pissed off he got passed over for goaltending duties the first five Games of the series even though he went 13-3 in his last 16 starts in the regular season?  What felt like tough choices when times are good now feels like an opportunity to blow the whole goddamn thing up.

And why not?  The Minnesota Wild will be shit the next three Years.  The back half of their gameday rosters will be playing on the minimum.  And now the next thing they'll have to worry about is pissing of Kaprizov, the only guy on the team who actually played well in the series.  Do you think he wants to put up with three seasons of bullshit?  Don't you think he'll want to get the hell out of Minnesota the first chance he gets?

I bought the hype.  I know how Minnesota sports goes, and yet I was hoping that these guys were the one.  Nope.  I forgot this is the Minnesota Wild.

#MinnesotaIsLoservilleUSA

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Thursday, May 12:

• Well, from here we leap back to Monday, May 9, when ******a came over (with my parents not being here) to massage me.  She had delayed our session because she was at a tanning salon.  She came over with an oversized sweater ... and no bra on, she admitted.  She bent down in front of me a couple times knowing that I would look.  "You're welcome!" she said.  I think she noticed my thanks in the form of my hardening cock.  I continue to build trust with her.  Cost: $120.
• Back on Thursday the 5th I went to Volstead's after a not-so-bad day in The Fourth Department (I should blog post about my time there and the day after ... if I remember).  I go to these speakeasies and hidden/back bars to unwind after what I feel would be tumultuous days at work, but I didn't need to this day.  Anyway, I went, and I had a great meal and a great time, and a ragtime/jazz player was tickling the ivories, and I tipped him: $4.
• Leap back to Tuesday, May 3, when I went back out to the movies and saw Everything Everywhere All At Once.  There is heat behind this film, but I think it's overwhelming.  It's a lot of movie -- all these storylines, all these jump cuts, all these costumes ... it's just too much.  Ticket, popcorn and pop: $11.73.
• Later that evening, ***e*, who for some reason was in town from Wisconsin again, stopped by the day after my folks left to jerk me off.  She remains as perverted a stripper I need in my life to keep me virile.  I should talk about my need to remain masculine here on WAF, too.  Total: $120.
• Back to Saturday, April 30 -- There was a party in North Minneapolis.  Met up with an easy-to-talk-to Black chick named ******e, with whom I got two dances.  But I really wanted to see *****y, with who I went to the host's office, sat down on his couch, and whipped it out.  *****y was surprised I did, even though she's jacked me off before.  But after seeing my dick, she turned off the lights, sat next to me, and masturbated me until I ejaculated.  I hear she doesn't do that to too many guys; some of them in fact think she's cold.  Guess I'm special!  All told the party cost me: $210.
• Afterwards I went to The Wedge.  First I ate Animal Frossting at Bebe Zito.  Good ice cream.  With tip it set me back: $7.24.
• And then I went next door to Caffetto for a medium hot chocolate.  With tip: $5.
• Monday, April 25: Massage, ******a, at her temporary apartment: $120.
• Friday, April 22: Massage, ******a, also at her temporary apartment: $120.
• After that I went to Caffetto, where I got a hot chocolate, size ... small?  With tip: $4.50.
• Monday, April 18: Massage, ******a, at her temporary apartment: $120.
• Friday, April 15: Massage, ******a, at her temporary apartment (I love her, but I think I need to curtail her rubdowns, as awesome as they are): $120.
• Thursday the 14th: So there was another house party way down in Apple Valley.  It was hosted by **y, but for the first time ever it was organized by her, too.  See, her ex-friend who I called, well, not-so-nice names here used to host these stripper parties at **y's place until they had a falling out over money and trust.  So **y is going behind this stripper's back and just doing parties herself.  I like her, she's nice, and I met the other stripper working on this night, *****o*, and she was nice and rubbed on me for three dances and got me hard.  I liked the intimacy of it, to a point; it was those two, me, and one other guy who stayed the entire time I was there.  He was nice as well, but if he were not there, and it was just two ladies and me, man, it would have fucking been on.  But he was there the whole time, and I had to wait as those two women talked about other things.  I finally was able to get **y up to a bed upstairs where she finally yanked me so hard I came, stopped, and came so hard the second time I swore I was spewing blood instead of cum.  Seriously, I don't think I had been jerked around so excruciatingly hard in my life.  I loved it!  But **y has sucked my dick before; why didn't she do it this time around?  And why did I have to pay $200 for her to masturbate me?  I love her, but that's too much.  She texted me a couple days ago saying she was planning another house party for next week.  I said no.  I'll go to her parties still, but not to every one if she's charging $200 per HJ.  Anyway, this stripper party all told totaled: $260.
• Finally, back on Friday, April 8, I was at Cub Foods buying some liquids on impulse after working second shift.  The guy in front of me at the checkout lane dug into his pocket for change.  When he pulled out his hand, a penny dropped to the floor.  He didn't seem to notice it as he went to the end of the lane to bag his groceries.  I picked up the penny and told him he dropped it.  He hand-waved me back and said he didn't need it.  Now, it's just a penny.  But with inflation nowadays, we need all the money we can scrounge, don't we?  An Infusion of: 1 cent.

Good through May 12.

My Long National Nightmare (When It Comes To Getting A Refund For My Concert Ticket) Is Over

Well, I just looked at my credit card statement online and it confirmed what the good person at StubHub told me on ... Tuesday (?): I finally was rewarded the credit for the Rolling Stones ticket I bought but didn't get for their concert here back in October.

I talked about it here and here, but I'll recap again anyway.  Back in October the Stones were in town.  I bought a ticket from someone who couldn't go through StubHub, but I didn't get it in time for the concert, so I bought another ticket, through I think TicketMaster.  I figured I could talk to, first, the credit card company to dispute the charge, then, if only because I think they would not be as sympathetic to my plight, StubHub itself.  Didn't work out that way.  The credit card company wanted proof of my claim, I sent it, StubHub sent some shit, the credit card company sided with them, I tried to dispute it again, and then the credit card company said I sent in my rebuttal (through fax and then through the mail) was too late.

I had also tried to contact StubHub, though with less vigor because, again, I thought they would put up a much more petulant and exhausting fight.  First it was hell in getting ahold of them.  My first time I left my number, but when they returned my call a half-hour later I was driving, so when I called them back I was put on hold, so that was useless to do.  Second time I was on hold for an hour.  This was the customer service experience I was afraid I would get if I tried to talk to the vendor first, like the credit card company recommended.

But after getting fucked over by said credit card company, I circled back to StubHub because I really, really don't think I should have to pay for this concert ticket I didn't get.  Miraculously, the metaphorical wall I faced in talking to someone there back in December was gone by February.  I got an actual human being.  He or she said, however, that they couldn't do anything until the claim I initiated with my credit card company was dropped.  I wasn't quite ready to let go until March, when it became apparent it would be then who would be stonewalling me.  With the claim closed, I went back to StubHub ... and, by the grace of Buddha and God and the deities above, someone with StubHub sided with me -- that the concert ticket I had paid for in fact did not transfer into my account.  It never even occurred to me ask; I just, well, asserted that I didn't get my ticket.  But to hear someone from the vendor agree with me ... it took a weight off my shoulders.  And it made me feel that, even after almost six months after the concert, I would get my money back eventually.  And I did.

Maybe I should have been more patient with StubHub.  Maybe I should have thought the vendor in fact is the entity I should go to first in order to resolve this issue.  And by the way, I had thought about just ending any business with StubHub, but after this, we're all good.  The credit card company, on the other hand, I don't know.  I was disappointed with them because I thought it treated me well in the past.  (I still am very glad they out of the blue texted me that my credit card number was being used by someone to buy something I did not buy.)  It is StubHub, not this company, that fixed what was wrong.  I have turned down my relationship with them, so to speak; I charge most of my charges to my other credit card company.  I have thought about closing my account with them, but that would damage my credit score.  Still, now that everything's good, they didn't do a damn thing.  I'm not sure how I want to deal with them now.  Maybe I'll just give this credit card some automatic charges and that's it.

Everybody's Taking A Vacation Except Me

Not to say that I was looking forward to it.  I was.  Sort of.  I'll start at the beginning to organize my thoughts:

At work we are allowed to carry over some of our paid time off.  The amount actually has increased the past couple years because of the pandemic.  That meant there wasn't necessarily a rush near the end of the year to use up all the paid time off we couldn't carry over into the next year.  Saying that, I don't think there ever was a problem any of us at work had getting under that threshold.

The problem was (if I recall correctly) that this carryover PTO usually expires halfway into the following year.  Again, it usually isn't a problem.  As it stands now, I have about 4 1/2 days' worth of paid time off I have carried over from last year.  I would find ways to use it all before I have to.  I think last year I took a spare day here and there to use it all before June 30, and maybe before the pandemic I took a first-half-of-the-year vacation.

Anyway, I have looked at the calendar until, oh, about the Minnesota State Fair.  No joke, I am filling in for someone in another department virtually every week between now and the State Fair.  Furthermore, those days happen to be the latter half of the week -- invariably it's a Friday, sometimes Thursdays are included, a few times Wednesdays, know what I mean?  That makes me feel that I can't take a vacation because I am being asked to fill in.  What complicates things further is that there is only one other person in my position who theoretically can fill in like I have been asked to fill in, but she does not work Thursdays or Fridays.  (There should be someone on my position who has a similar workweek, but that person left for another job in-house a couple months ago, and that hasn't been filled yet.  I don't know if the company has even advertised the position yet.)  Another supervisor can do the job, but she's already taxed to the gills, and frankly, I feel bad if I go to my boss, "Hey, I know you have me penciled in to substitute these days, but I want to go on vacation.  Can you just find someone else to do it?"

OK, now here's another wrinkle.  I asked Human Resources for confirmation that our carryover PTO would expire at the end of June.  The person -- or bot, who knows? -- says, actually, no, I can keep 2021's paid time off till the end of the year.  This may be because we have recently moved over to new HR software and this is a one-time thing.  Frankly though, the way the response was worded, I didn't completely believe the answer.  But, I looked up my PTO online and, as of mid-December, I would still have PTO from last year.

I picked mid-December because I still need to arrange a trip to see my sister in Hawai'i.  That is why I've dithered so much in using paid time off now: I need as many days off I can spare now to be with family on what will be an important vacation around Christmastime.  If some of those days can be taken from what I saved from last year, perfect.

However, I've got to be honest: Seeing on the calendar a co-worker take two days off here, then the next week seeing another co-worker take three days off there, and seeing that replicate throughout my damn calendar ... hell yes, I'm getting FOMO.  It is very, very difficult to stay disciplined when everybody's taking a vacation except me.

I think I want to go down to St. Louis, by car, just to get away.  Maybe it's a week, maybe it's a weekend, but I am now determined to enjoy some free time like everybody else.  But I have nothing to do down in the STL except go to baseball Games.  The Cardinals are there, and so is an independent baseball club called The Gateway Grizzlies on the Illinois side of the metro area.  And so I have been looking at times during the summer where both teams are playing at home.  Guess what?  There aren't enough.  And when I see those overlapping periods when they both are at home and compare them to where I'm scheduled to work -- yeah, I am kind of scared of leaving for that time period and assuming my boss is going to be OK with it.  He's actually a cool boss, but I still feel pressure.

Oh -- I did find a week when both the Cardinals and the Grizzlies were playing in the STL, and so I submitted a request for that week off ... and I was told I couldn't because important people are coming through the company that week.

Maybe this is the universe telling me to exhibit some self-control and save up all these vacation days for Hawai'i in December, when I need it.  But it's hard, it's real hard.  And there is a stripper down there I haven't seen in a couple years who I want to know is OK, and summer's the best time to see her.  And so the struggle continues.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2022

It didn't help that I had to stash this month in my drawer so my parents wouldn't see it.  But I've had a glance now and again, and frankly, I still can't get a read on it, either when it comes to evaluating the dozen babes in April '22 altogether or picking out the best ones.

I'm still trying to choose which waitress is the best.  But not being able to hone in on an order, nor being able to separate those hotties that are worth mentioning from those who are beautiful on the outside (and the inside of course) but whose picture doesn't cut my mustard, probably is an indication of how, uh, not strong the month is.  I think it's a vast improvement over the previous month, but March 2022 had a mind-boggling series of posing disasters that I doubt could ever be duplicated again.  At least this month doesn't have that.

It just doesn't have enough women who pop for me whenever I open up the page.  I will say that (and I don't mean to pick on her) The Main Girl, Isabel from Jacksonville, N. C., doesn't impress mostly because of her gritting of teeth and the tuxedo top she's wearing.  Not only does it conceal a lot of her petite body (although it bunches her cleavage into the fuckin' Grand Canyon), it's kind of a weird bikini top to wear.

Uh, so ... who do I pick?  Early on I honed in on Tyanna, of Odessa, Fla.  She's posed in a pool submerged up to just below her big tits.  There is a peekaboo quality to this shot because the side of the pool is see-through, so you get to see what's underneath the surface of the water, and I started to get real impure thoughts ... until I had to face the reality that it's just Tyanna's fuzzier bottom half.  She's fit as fuck, and I like the blue-and-white two-piece bikini (the wet hair is fine, too).  But the more I look at it, the less there is to inflame my carnal desires.  The pose is different from what I usually see from Hooters, though.

I then wandered down to Kassandra, out of Fort Worth, but she's not smiling; instead her mouth is just awkwardly open.  Finally, just now, charging late (not unlike Rich Strike) is Cameron, hailing from Melbourne, Fla.  Great body, pale skin, periwinkle two-piece.  But I think her blonde hair just captured my eye after not being blown away by pretty much everyone else.

Those three do get Honorable Mention.  And I guess I have a three that I put above them, and it's gonna be in this order:

In third place is Jordan, of Mesa, Ariz.  Nothing too much stands out here: She has long, blonde hair, is wearing a periwinkle/light blue two-piece bikini, and she is holding the sides of an opening of a doorway, so her hands have disappeared.  Shades of last month, but still, lookin' good.

I will place in second place Kayla, out of Plano, Tex.  I'm not a fan of a crop t-shirt with a slit for the cleavage because it still is covering up so much even though the implication that you're seeing more than a full t-shirt would indicate.  But I think it says on the t-shirt "Hot Shot," so I'm guessing it's Hooters-branded swimwear.  Plus the long-haired brunette is one of the very few this month smiling, and she's got a big smile with blindingly white teeth.

First place -- and if I were doing this the next night I might choose someone different -- is Maya, hailing from Chattanooga, Tenn.  Wearing a bikini bottom and a bikini top with flowers right on the boobs, she nonetheless sports a delectable body that's not chubby but not too hard.  You can't go wrong with long blonde hair.  And you see enough sideboob to think Maya got a tit job, and it works on her.  The only problem: She's tugging the cord inbetween the two tit pieces, oh-so-slightly, with her right hand.  Normally the implication she's pulling down her top to flash you would get me delirious, but that hand isn't tugging so much as pinching that string, and that means her hand is blocking a part of her hot body.

Oh, well.  In an imperfect month where the order can change day to day for me, I will put Maya on top.  And no worries, folks -- I masturbated to this month just now, just before I started writing this.

Forget Work -- What Am I Gonna Eat?

I've noticed that I do this, or at least have done this for a long time, but I haven't, like, noticed noticed this until a couple months ago.

I start thinking about planning my workweek Sunday night.  But after I try and remember where I'm working -- "Oh, yeah, I have to go here Tuesday, then I'm filling in for him on Friday" -- my thoughts quickly run to what I'm doing after work.  Specifically, though, I'm thinking about what I will eat after work.  There are leftovers my parents left for me, and sometimes I feel like splurging with a night out, and then I fill in the other nights with fast food.  I spend an inordinate amount of time and brainpower figuring out which days I'll eat in and which days I'll eat out and, for the latter, where.  And honestly, I kind of get excited thinking about it.

For example, this week I think is a normal one for me -- no coming in at 9 or 3:30 or anything like that.  That means there isn't a compulsion to make a night of it (and frankly, I just saw my credit card statements, and I think I should cool it a bit on the nights out).  Meanwhile, I have about three meals' worth of fried rice and vegetables still in the refrigerator.  I'll get burned out if I eat them on consecutive days, and I ate the first such meal yesterday/Sunday afternoon, plus ******a is coming over to rub me down tonight, so I figure today I'll eat at, like, Arby's or Kentucky Fried Chicken or Burger King.  I'll then eat leftovers tomorrow/Tuesday and then alternate between buying food and eating at home the rest of the week.  I'll knock out those leftovers by Saturday afternoon or evening, hopefully before they go bad, which I don't think will happen because they'll be in the fridge for, what, only two weeks?

And then once those leftovers are done ... well, I'll just have to buy food.  Will I just eat out all the time then, or will I, like, buy groceries in stuff?  Well, I'll think about that when I have to ... at which point I'll probably get off on thinking about it.

Another Nightmare -- But I Worked Out!

Once in a while, not always, but once in a while I'll have a nightmare where, for some inexplicable reason, I feel as if I'm floating mid-air and looking down, and propelling myself forward by pushing my hands against the floor.  I am aware that I'm activating my core muscles as I do it -- like, actually working my ab muscles, you know?

This is the first time I am talking about this here, but I swear, I swear, that his has happened to me in previous nightmares.  I just didn't remember those times until now, after this morning's nightmare where ... well, the subject of the nightmare is something I don't remember.  Well, sorta; I remember seeing this guy -- I wouldn't call him a friend, and come to think of it, this may have been a school setting, so maybe we were in high school and he was a classmate -- and he told me something about everybody else (maybe the entire class?) being on vacation, and I've missed the flight, and ... uh, I either am waiting for them to come back or I'm finding a way to go to where they are going.  Or something.

I woke up and I feel as though I exercised.  Which is good; fucking MNUFC choked away the Match last night on an Injury-Time Goal to FC Cincinnati, and so I ate my feelings in sixteen-bucks' worth of Mexican fast food just before I went to bed.  I should go work out tonight, but I have this social Zoom meeting, so I won't.  Therefore, assuming this levitating isn't psychosomatic, this will have to count.  And I'm OK with that, nightmare excepted.

Now I'm Really Losing The Battle Against E-Mail And Facebook

I've just been too busy to keep on top of my e-mail, which is now up to 4,000 unread messages, and my Facebook statuses, which is back above the five or six days after which I can't reach back and look at.  I feel bad and even depressed about it, but hey, I had/have other things I want(ed) to do, and at some point, I have to own it and make peace with it.

The e-mails in particular hurt.  The vast majority of the unread messages are fundraising appeals, most of those from Democrats.  I am down with their causes, but I don't have enough money to please all of them.  And so I ignore them and invite the possibility that an important e-mail I am expecting is slotted between them.  Well, right now, I'll just cross my fingers and hope that hasn't happened.

In the meantime, I going to take a nap in preparation for tonight's MNUFC Match.  I'll get to my e-mails and Facebook another time.  Maybe.  Or maybe not.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Wild (Last Week: 0).  Welp, not unlike the ride we took with the Timberwolves a couple Weeks ago, following the Wild after the first three Games of their First Round Stanley Cup Playoff series against the St. Louis Blues will be a rollercoaster.  But at least there are ups as well as downs.

See, after Monday's 4-0 home Loss in Game 1 -- as dispiriting, humiliating and emasculating a performance any Twin Cities team has put out there since, well, the Vikings -- I was ready to fuckin' trash this team as yet another underachieving edition this franchise puts out on the regular.  But I shut my mouth because 1) I was too busy to bitch and 2) this is hockey, and for reasons strange and non-existent, fortunes can change on the tumble of a puck.

Wednesday's rousing 6-2 Game 2 Win righted the ship, but it was last/Friday night's Game 3 victory that proves that anything can happen in postseason hockey.  Not only did we ... er, the Wild beat the Blues, they fucking destroyed them, 5-1 -- in St. Louis.  Being able to go over there and kill them after they came up here and killed our team is a strong testament to the toughness and resilience of this crew, something I truly doubted after Monday night.  While the theory that the playoffs demand a brand of "heavy hockey" (basically checking and wrestling and getting away with slowing down skill players and only scoring on gritty rebound Goals and things of that nature) may be true, the Wild have been able to fly and score in their two victories like it's still the regular season.  Kirill Kaprizov, a phenomenal skill player who's supposed to get locked down this time of year, has four Goals and one Assist.  Mats Zuccarello and Jared Spurgeon, two regular season wonders who, in a recent Athletic article, were singled out for coming up short under the "heavy hockey" theory, have played well, dirty Spurgeon hit in Game 1 (for which he was fined $5,000) excepted.  Best of all, Mark-Andre Fleury is earning the value the organization traded to Chicago.  Blues Nation, at least on Twitter, is yelling at its own club for disappearing, and I think The Specter Of The Flower is getting to them.

Again, the worm could turn yet again and the Wild could be ushered out of the playoffs in six Games.  But at least this club will get six Games, being played tomorrow/Sunday afternoon, Tuesday night (at 8:30, like all the other Games except Game 4, which fucking sucks), and some time Thursday.  Buckle up.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  At what point is this not an anomaly but a pattern?  We're past the first month; are the Minnesota Twins ... actually good?  Sure, they settled for a mid-Week split of their series vs. The Bastard Milwaukee Brewers (I did not know till just now that this franchise was born in Milwaukee -- thank you, Baseball Reference!!!)/St. Louis Browns in Baltimore; the two Losses at the back end of the series ended their winning streak at four.  But the last two contests of that winning streak took the series against the Bay Rays in Tampa, and they have begun a weekend series at Target Field last/Friday night by holding off The Bastard Philadelphia-By-Way-Of-Kansas City Athletics, 2-1.  The starting pitching has been exemplary; in last night's tilt, Josh Winder went six Innings, didn't issue a single Run, allowed only three Hits and struck out eight.  And the Bullpen has calmed down after a very rough start to the season.  The Lineup could round into form more, but four freshly-minted or relatively new minor-leaguers were batting last/Friday night, so the future is here, and it might be bright.  Of course the more salient point about this organization's success right now is that they are leading a weak American League Central Division (what else is new).  Keep having successful Months like April and fans will stop believing this is a fluke.

The ballclub has just started a nine-Game homestand.  After the A's this weekend, Houston comes to Target for three starting on Tuesday and the newly-named Cleveland Guardians have a three-Game set here beginning Friday.

#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  OK, so the screening Week for these young women began with dropping the back two and thus the series at Michigan.  They then swept Wisconsin at Cowles on Wednesday.  I was able to get to the second Game of the Doubleheader, and as someone not entirely versed in the lineup rules for college softball, it was a hell of a hard time understanding what the substitutions were.

But this weekend brings the last regular season series of the Year, and they get to host the sixth-ranked team in the nation, Northwestern.  And yesterday/Friday afternoon, not only did they upset the Wildcats, they slaughter-ruled them, 8-0 in five Innings.  This ballclub is only 25-22-1 overall and below .500 in Big Ten play, and they shut out the sixth-ranked squad in the country by fewer than the conventional seven Innings?!?!  (The Wildcats' marshmallow wasn't really harshed; since second-place Nebraska got shut out by Indiana last/Friday night, they have won the conference regular season title and will be the top seed in the B1G tournament next Week.)  Will they be able to do that again this weekend?  And where will the Golden Gophers place heading into the tourney at Michigan St.?

#-3: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  Yes, the draft began last Thursday.  Just got lazy and didn't include them last Week.  Also, a little perspective is in order, and waiting almost a Week after the NFL Draft got over isn't the worst thing in the world.

The so-called experts gave the Vikes a good/B grade, and who am I tell them they're wrong?  (Doesn't really matter anyway; you need at least a few Years, if not more, to properly grade the players any team drafts.)  It is getting kind of boring to see the franchise trading down again, even though a new General Manager is at the helm.  It makes you think of the end of an episode of Scooby-Doo, when Fred rips off the mask of the bad guy to see who really did the crime; instead of Kwesi Adofo-Mensah ... it's been Rick Spielman all along??

Fan sentiment focuses on the fact that the squad traded not only the First Round pick they had at the beginning of the draft, which was the twelfth overall, but also an early Second Round pick they picked up as a result of the trade of that First Round pick.  And fans are real pissed that the trade partners for both trades were fellow teams in the National Football Conference North Division: The Detroit Lions in that first trade and the Green Bay Packers in that second.  Both foes draft Wide Receivers with the Vikes' ex-picks, and fans are dreading those rookies (Jameson Williams with Detroit, Christian Watson with Green Bay) shredding a Secondary that was peppered many times last season.

To that end, however, Minnesota did address that weakness.  The trade with Detroit yielded the final selection in the First Round, which they used to pick Georgia Safety Lewis Cine, the last of five Bulldog defenders, an all-time record for one side of one college team.  And that continued with the team's second draft pick, Clemson Cornerback Andrew Booth, Jr.  Along with another CB, Fourth-Round draftee Akayleb Evans out of Missouri, the Secondary has gotten younger and, fingers crossed, fitter.

In the meantime, draftniks, especially the analytically-bent ones, think those two trades favored Minnesota.  There is that oft-worn Jimmy Johnson trade value chart, the first one in this article, an idea ahead of its time but created without actual number crunching.  Then there are other charts such as the Rich Hill one that appears below Johnson's in that piece.  There are other charts floating around the Internet, and many of their creators have opined that the Vikes actually got more value as a result of trading in-division.  The club gave up a higher draft pick to accumulate more picks later in the draft, and after one adds up the numbers in those proprietary draft value charts, Minnesota came out ahead.  OK, so I'll trust those people.  As for the young men they selected, who knows?

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -2).  A disappointing 2-0 loss at LAFC Sunday night.  The Loons actually kept what some people call The Best Team In The League out of the net, but that XI was knocking on the door all Match, and finally Dayne St. Clair & Co. shipped Goals in the 83rd and 90th Minutes.

Therefore, as of now, MNUFC sit in sixth place.  Meanwhile, Chase Gasper, a Loons draftee who recently returned from drug rehab, was traded to the Los Angeles Galaxy Wednesday.  It appears that Gasper saw that he was the odd man out (a result of the relentless roster churn inherent in professional soccer) and could have used a fresh start somewhere else; it looks like Gasper was open to a trade, if he didn't ask for one, and the organization helped him with that.  Best of luck, Chase.

And best of luck to Minnesota United FC.  Tonight/Saturday night they host FC Cincinnati, and The Orange And Blue are no longer the doormats they've been ever since they entered top-flight American soccer.  I remember one time where United FC castrated FCC 6-1, and I'm scared they're going to do the same to us.

#-5: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  The Lynx are back!  And they began the season last/Friday night on free TV!!  And they also began with an early First Quarter lead that eventually melted away into a 97-74 ass-kicking at the hands of the Storm in Seattle!!!

This is a squad far removed from their dynasty days.  But there is ample reason to now believe that this team is closer to the worse half of the WNBA (which, by the way, has too few roster spots and not enough money for too many very good college basketball players) than the better.  Sylvia Fowles has stated this is her last ride, but there's a solid chance the Lynx don't even reach the postseason.  I'm not saying this team's about to falter back to the "Jynx" that was execrable the first decade or so of this franchise's life -- but I can't rule that out, either.

The home opener is tomorrow/Sunday night versus the Washington Mystics.  They then play at Indiana Tuesday.

#-56: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4).  Woof, y'all.  Got swept at Michigan St., then began a three-Game series at Siebert with a 12-5 defeat to pretty mighty Nebraska.  Their losing streak currently sits at four, they've only won two conference Games and a dozen Games overall.  The league now has beaucoup money, and they need to devote some to rehabilitating a program that, by all rights, is in freefall.

After playing against the Cornhuskers, they will travel to Indiana for three beginning Friday.