And That Busy Week Has Gotten A Bit More Complicated

How?  First of all, I didn't think I would be so swamped with goddamn work in The Fourth Department like I did.  Don't know why or how -- and I never do -- but there was work waiting for me in the morning, then more came during the morning, and a little more in the afternoon, and I had to leave for Pizza Hut and Monday Night Football after ten hours.  I had to give myself a limit because not only was I determined to watch the football Game (which I was late for; I thought I put in the Pizza Hut order overnight, but apparently the order didn't go through, so I had to order it there and wait 15 minutes), but I was fucking pissed off at all the goddamn work that blindsided me that ten hours was my limit before I was going to go postal.  I did all the work I absolutely had to do.  But had I done all the work I usually do to wrap up my day, I might have been there another damn two hours.

So I know what I'll be working on once I get in this/Tuesday morning.  And this is why I always try to stay late to get any work done -- if I leave it till the morning, I might put myself behind the 8-ball if there is an avalanche of work that comes in the morning.  That could have a cascading effect whereby I would be leaving even more work.  I don't work tomorrow/Wednesday, so technically it won't be my problem, but it will be my co-worker's, and I can't speak for them, but I am usually pissed as hell if I had a shit ton of work that was left for me.  Saying that ... I am racking up the hours.  If this workload keeps up this week, I would be getting overtime pay ... but I'm not working tomorrow/Wednesday.  Which makes me think I should pull back my paid time off and work.  I have arranged to fuck ****e that afternoon, and I plan on seeing a movie after that, but I can reschedule those.  I don't know how big work is going to be, but I feel confident I'll be staying as late today/Tuesday as I did yesterday/Monday, so a little bit of OT for working all five days would be guaranteed, and I'm a slave to capitalism.

But then last/Tuesday night I got the word: My psychiatrist passed away.  His memorial service and funeral will be Friday afternoon.  Frankly, I don't know if a patient of a psychiatrist should attend his memorial and funeral.  It feels like an invasion of privacy, as if I'm crossing a boundary and infiltrating the sacred, vulnerable space of those closest to him.  Although I poured my heart out to him, I can't say we're friends, so I wonder if going is a bit exploitive.  On the other hand, this will be the last time I get to see him.  Also, his secretary was the one who texted me the news about his death and funeral arrangements, and I think that she wouldn't divulge the details if patients weren't invited.  Finally, it's relatively close to work, and I think I can take off half a day, and start my weekend early, to go to a funeral service, even though it looks like a total washout outside.

I really feel like this is important to go to.  But assuming I can attend the funeral service, that'll be, like, four hours of paid time off I will be giving up.  That's on top of the eight I'm using tomorrow/Wednesday.  That's a lot, and even though I need to make sure I use up enough by the end of the year to get below a threshold above which I would just be giving hours away, I don't want to use so much this year.  So if I work tomorrow/Wednesday instead, I would get myself closer to the 40-hour mark above which I will get time-and-a-half.  There's no chance to get OT pay if I take 1 1/2 days off, obviously.  So, maybe I should do it?  On the other hand, my therapist's death is a reminder that you have only so many days on this side of the dirt, so maybe I shouldn't sweat getting just below the maximum number of hours before the New Year and instead take off when I want and watch what I want and fuck who I want.

Nah.  I'll wait until I see how I feel at work today/Wednesday.  I am so wishy-washy.

Making My Schedule Based On Time, Money, Car Vibes, And Semen

Fitting my schedule to accommodate chores, outings, and time with my stripper girlfriends have just overwhelmed me.  I need to budget my time, I need to make sure I have enough money to do everything I want to do, I'm getting kind of freaked out over driving everywhere because of the obscene price of gasoline, and, most important of all, I need to make sure I'm able to cum on demand.

It's the stripper girlfriends where all of this comes to a head (in a manner of speaking).  I wanted to get with ****e for the longest time, and I thought last weekend was it, but she didn't answer my texts in a timely manner.  Finally, last weekend she said that this weekend was good.  After some back-and-forth, I am supposed to see her tomorrow/Sunday.  Then, ***e* blindsided me by telling me she was in town this weekend and wants to cum visit.  Not a great time, but I slotted her in for this/Saturday morning.  I don't know if my penis can perform back-to-back, but consider ***e* is only here this weekend and I already promised ****e, I kind of have to turn back the clock.

On top of all that, I've been going back-and-forth with my ATF regarding a massage.  I thought Monday would work, but when I texted her that I would be home Monday, my goddamn cellphone auto-corrected it to I would be gone Monday.  I caught it last/Friday night and said that I could be available after the weekend, and she apparently agreed.  Phew!  (By the way, if my ATF surprises me by doing something freaky, it won't matter that I shot the day before.  I know that, even in my advanced age, surprising trysts with women for the first time will have me ejaculating left and right!)

Now, beyond having fun (which seems kind of forced right now), I have things I need to do -- stuff like getting a shave, replenishing my alcohol, and seeing my junior prom date at the cemetery.  But before all that, I have stuff around the house I need to do -- stuff like getting my irrigation system up and running and, more importantly, cleaning my outdoor condenser unit.  Summer jumped me this week, and even though I partly am backing off on turning on the air conditioner because I don't want to spend money (being the primary caretaker of a house now turns you into a miser, believe me), I think it's high time I clean the outdoor condenser.  After all, my ATF should be giving me a rubdown on Monday, and I want her to be as comfortable as possible.  Running a fan won't be enough to cool her down, and besides, I want to close the windows in case she touches me to the point where I start screaming.

But I've never done it before.  I've looked through the YouTube videos, and I know I should clean out the debris that's inside it, then use a cleaner to clean the coils from the inside out, then use a hose to rinse it from the inside out.  But, they suggest I cut the power.  And even though I have turned off both the thermostat and the AC, I have no idea how to cut off power from the circuit breaker right next to the condenser unit.  I open up the cover and all I see is a metal loop.  What the hell is that?  Oh, well.  I think I am going to try and clean everything after I just turn off the AC and thermostat.

Oh, wait ... I can't hose the unit down after I clean everything because I haven't connected the water yet.  And I can't do that until I screw the nut into the, um, thingy that was pulled out in the fall in order to winterize our irrigation system.  I tried screwing it by hand, but I can't screw it in tight, so some time this/Saturday afternoon I am going to get a wrench and twist it in.  Then, I can use the water, and then I can begin cleaning the condenser because I can then rinse it.  Will I get this all done in one afternoon?  Who knows?  I might screw up, or hesitate at a step and decide screw it, I'll just turn the whole AC on.  I'm keeping my options open.

How does driving fit into this?  Shaving involves me driving in one direction, shopping for alcohol and visiting my deceased prom date means I need to drive in the other.  I do not want to drive both directions this/Saturday afternoon, especially if I need to do this thing with the condenser and irrigation system.  Since I'm seeing a friend next week, I think I'll get my shave and do everything else next weekend.  I think.  I'm keeping my options open!

Yeah, I'm busy.  And I haven't even mentioned sleep.  I want to budget one day where I can sleep in.  But I have to get up at a certain time to make sure I go out to the bank to get money today/Saturday to pay ***e*, and then I have to wake up at a certain time tomorrow/Sunday to drive over to ****e's place because she asked me to.  I won't like being woken up by an alarm up to a dozen days in a row (through next Saturday, when I'm supposed to meet this long-lost friend for which I'm getting my face shaved).

Gosh, I'm dealing with a lot of moving pieces I need to fit over the next two weeks -- and that's just for now, who knows what else is coming down the pike.  I know it's not serious in the big picture, but right now it feels serious to me.

I Don't Believe Her

So my cousin, who I haven't seen in at least a quarter-century and whose son is going to medical school here, wanted to know when I was free, right?  I asked if I could get back to her in the middle of the week so I could figure things out.  Well, the soccer results being what they were, I texted her on Wednesday -- like she asked me to -- and I told her that besides Saturday and Sunday morning, I was totally free for the weekend.

Then, nothing.  Well, I hadn't heard from her until yesterday/Friday.  Since I moved up my speakeasy visit from last/Friday night to Wednesday, last/Friday night was free for me, and that's when the both of them would get into town, so I figured that if last/Friday night was the only time the two of them could see me, I should text again.  She got back to me ... and she said sorry, they're busy, they can't see me this time around.  Maybe closer to the beginning of school, when they come back, but not now.

Sorry, I don't buy it.  At all.  She reached out to me, out of the blue.  She then called me, enthusiastically, asking when we could meet.  All I asked for was a few days and then I would get back to her, which I did.  And then my cousin just says, basically, whoops, can't see you?  I don't understand the about face at all.

Sure, I'll be dark and conspiratorial.  Maybe she decided that me asking, oh so gently, for some space and time was a rejection to her.  She took that as a sign that I didn't want to see her at all, which is not true at all.  My only other theory is that Father talked/got to her.  He had some dumb fucking thoughts in his head that when I said I needed to get back to her later, I really meant that I didn't want to be bothered, and so he told her to lie and say that she and her son realized they were busy.  I can't think of what else it could be, because I don't believe her when she texted me that they're busy.

Honestly, this hurts.  She wanted to see me and now she doesn't?  I blocked out some time and moved around some things so I could spend an afternoon or evening or day with them.  She basically said to forget it.  Don't understand.

I can't do anything except wait until my cousin and cousin once removed supposedly come back late in the summer to see if they really want to see me.  If they do, and we meet up, great.  If not ... why in the hell did she even ask for my phone number?

Oh, by the way, because my Friday night was free, I went back to my original plan of greeting The Beginning Of Summer by going to my speakeasy.  Yes, it was the second time in three nights.  I can't quit the place, and after this emotional whiplash, I needed a couple drinks.

They're Coming Home Because They Think I Should House The Cousin I Haven't Heard From In Decades

This was going to be a more expansive blog post because my cousin isn't the only person who has reached out to me and wants to see me.  But things had to take a scary bad turn for me, and that's because of my goddamn parents' meddling, again.

I have learned to check the spam texts the hard way.  I lost out on a gig I applied for because the person hiring for the crew texted me, and since this number was not from a trusted contact, it went into the spam folder.  Curiosity was the only reason I checked that folder, and I saw it months after this person offered the gig to me.  What an embarrassment ... and that company hasn't hired me since.  And yet I still go to their hiring board.  I applied for something a couple weeks ago.  And I am checking the spam folder just in case they give me another chance.

Anyway, it was also in this spam folder where I saw a long text from my long-ago cousin to whom I haven't spoken in decades.  She is in town and wanted to catch up on old times.  I will be honest.  She is one of four sisters and brothers my brother and sister and I remember hanging out with from time to time when we were young.  I like this particular cousin the most even though that's based on guesses on what I remember back when we were kids.  The oldest of the four I have problems with; thing is, I don't remember if I ever got into a fight with her.  My memories of interacting with her enrage me now, but I really don't know if she thinks we don't get along.  I just don't want to see her again.

But I need to give family a chance, so I reached out ... as soon as I spoke to My Father, whom my cousin, or "cousin," said gave her my number.  I hadn't spoken to my parents pretty much for the past week, but I finally had reason to ring them up.  And yes, Father said my cousin is the real deal and so gave her my number.  OK, this is not catfishing.  We spoke -- can't say I was over-enthused on catching up, but I want to see if I could see her over the holiday weekend.  We promised to compare schedules the middle of the week.

With that matter kicked down the street, I went to Art-A-Whirl's last day.  And while I was minding my own business, trying to give myself some grace and be a part of a community that I love, I feel a buzzing on my ass.  Father called again.  I took the call while wandering around an art studio.  I should have known they would have called again demanding that I be more "hospitable."  They asked me to ask my cousin if she needed to borrow my car.  She already told me that she and her son (he'll be studying in town for the next several years) have gotten a rental.  They then fucking asked me to open up the house to them.  I told them my cousin and cousin once removed already got a hotel.  I completely fucking lied; I'm pretty sure they have, but I don't know that.  What I do know is that there is no goddamn way in hell I am going to let them stay here if I can help it.  No offense, but fuck no.

The call ended; I don't think My Fucking Parents heard the combination of rage and fear in my voice at the end of the call.  But I kept thinking about them while I was doing my personal art crawl.  Also, I remember that goddamn time they surprised me by coming home and not telling me.  So goddamn scarring; I'll never forgive them for doing that to me.  I know that they suspect that I don't keep the house clean while they're gone.

So that leads me to one conclusion: They're coming home.  They might not tell me.  They might.  But they're coming home.  They think I am so unable to be a good host for family that they will fucking pay the obscene amount a plane ticket costs these days and come home to see if I have cleaned up the house.  By the way, they insisted that I gave them my cousin's phone number, even though I think they already have it.  I can totally believe that My Fucking Parents insisted, if not demanded, my cousin cancel their hotel and car so we can give them housing and transportation.  Fucking weirdos.

I can imagine them booking plane tickets online right now.  Fuckin' A.  The house is a mess, just like I wanted to.  And I need to clean it up in five fucking days to impress one person I haven't seen in decades and another person I didn't know existed until yesterday?  Fuck that shit.  I'm too tired to clean, and I'm too busy to care.  And that's how My Fucking Parents will screw me again.  All because oh-oh-oh, I need to be good hosts for family!!!  I'll bring shame to them if I don't!!!

Fucking hate my parents.

The Impending Death Of Zynga Poker

Some time last week, Zynga Poker announced that they were shutting down around September.  They said Facebook/Meta no longer would support their ... coding infrastructure, or something.  Features within the game, like the slot machine, apparently are going to be done away with sooner than that.

This is like when they (and I'm not sure if Zynga is going to continue Poker somewhere else, although I think that's possible) killed off Mafia Wars.  I was sad, and I guess I'm still a bit bummed, but that was almost a decade ago, and I've been able to cope.  Same here.  And, like with Mafia Wars, even though I enjoy playing it, there are mechanisms within the game designed to keep you hooked, and eventually those things felt more like obligations because you were afraid of what you would lose or miss out on if you didn't play every day.  That will be taken out of my hands come September, so I will deal with the mixed feelings I'll feel then.

This Grocery Store Is Pissing Me Off, Man. ...

So there's a grocery store close by me that my family has gone to ever since I can remember.  For people who will never pass up a bargain, I don't know why they frequent this mom-and-pop, boutique grocery store.  Don't get me wrong -- their stuff is great, and there are some things I can get there that we would have to travel a ways to buy elsewhere.  But knowing my parents, they would not go to this grocery store.  But make no mistake; they still do.

And I do.  It's convenient.  It also makes this great chili that I see more and more as dinner.  If I want to make a steak, or if I need onions and peppers to spruce up my spaghetti sauce, I go there instead of the bigger chains around town.  Like I said, their stuff is great.  Finally, I noticed that these guys compare favorable with Aldi for cheapest prices for plastic bottles of pop, which I need almost as much as water.  I would have to pay 30, 40, even 50 cents more than I do at this place.

OK, so this is how they pissed me off yesterday/Sunday.  I wanted chili, and I wanted to buy a plastic bottle of pop.  I also wanted to see if they were still running their $1 deal for Mr. Pibb, which is a decent soda, but I really wanted one just because their bottles are a buck apiece.  So I went there for the first time in, I think, over a month.

Well, first of all, that promotional deal for Mr. Pibb is over.  Beyond that, their big change, which I saw my last visit there, was that they installed a new rewards system.  Before, I was given this paper card with our number.  We either showed the cashier our card or gave him or her our number.  After we accrued enough points, we would get five bucks off automatically.  But on my last visit, I saw these brand-spankin' new cash registers, and I was told that the old rewards program was killed off, utterly.  In its place is this system whereby, instead of issuing cards with numbers, we registered with our phone number; they track points and after a certain number, we get a discount.  It might be five bucks, I don't remember.  But the first stupid thing is that the points we accrued up till then are gone.  It's a brand new system, fuck your points.

To make up for it, I guess, we were automatically given three bucks off our next purchase after our initial visit upon which we registered.  That next purchase was yesterday/Sunday.  So once I was ready to pay, I asked the cashier where the discount was.  That's when she explained to me that no discount is automatically rung up at the cash register, like the old program did.  Instead, we were e-mailed a Quick Response (QR) code.  I guess we had to go into our phone, look for that e-mail, and scan it, or something.

I tried looking for it since there was no one behind me.  But (and maybe I should blog post about this sometime) using search functions on your email applications on your phone sucks.  They don't find shit.  And I couldn't find it, so I had to just pay full price for my chili and bottle of Pepsi and go.

I didn't think at the time I even got a QR code.  But I did.  Once I got home, I realized that as part of signing up for this new rewards program, you give them permission to e-mail you.  I did find the e-mail where the code was.  Also, and unfortunately, the cashier said that this $3 dollar new program discount lasted only for a month after registration.  And in that e-mail, conveniently, I saw the expiration date of ... four days prior.  I couldn't use that discount even if I were able to find it when I was there.

That really pisses me off, it really does.  I was used to these guys doing everything, but now more of the work, especially the part where I am responsible for keeping up on my discounts, falls on me, and I don't like that change.  So maybe I'll drive down to Cub to get my chili from now on, and maybe I'll then stop by Aldi for my pop.  Because I don't like getting screwed like this, and I did get screwed.

Thought I was going into work today.  There was a lot of work my bosses were anticipating for the weekend, and so on Friday they asked me to come in today.  But this morning I got a text from one of my bosses saying my services were no longer needed because they in fact finished.

I'm OK with that, but.  For one thing, I got the impression on Friday that there would be work today.  If that wasn't the case and there was a possibility I would not come in, I wish it would've been couched that way, something like, "I assume there will be work, but there won't, so if there isn't, we'll let you know."  Something like that, you know?

The other thing is, even though I put in overtime last week, I could've gotten a little more had I stayed late on Friday.  Even though my main responsibility that day was The Fourth Department, there was enough data entry work that afternoon that my boss told the people who work out there to stay, I think, an extra half-hour.  This may not be the policy, but I believe that means that I could stay an extra half-hour.  I actually could've stayed more than half an hour, come to think of it.  But I left after eight hours.  Why?  Well, all the work in The Fourth Department got done.  And ... I left.  I guess it didn't occur to me that I could've stayed at least an extra 30 minutes to key.  And I didn't have to get home to watch a sport on TV or anything, either.  Dang it, I now regret not staying later on Friday.

End Of 2025 Thoughts

My now ex-boss ... yeah, he was a guy.  Not only did he announce he was leaving through e-mail the minimum two weeks before he actually leaving, today, his last day, he didn't stay the whole day.  And he just e-mailed everybody peace before he left for his car five minutes later.  We all made a goodbye and thanks card for him, but my co-worker had to run it out to him as he was about to leave.  I think I said this before: I would rather have him than a micro-manager.  But geez, this is the guy who hired me for my first full-time job.  He helped me turn into a responsible adult.  I would have liked to express my gratitude in a less shallow way.

---

My co-worker to whom I leaned up for much of my job left at the end of 2024, so in that sense, 2025 has gone full circle.  It has been a challenge to see my job, and thus me, change, mostly because people above me were leaving.  (I forgot that my supervisor left in the late summer; I still haven't recovered from that.)  We'll get by, only because we have to.  But I have no idea what this change will bring, and I don't like change as a principle.

I think the main thing that happened in my life, though, is Mother's knee surgery.  I am able to live much of my life independently, and for the most part I love living alone.  I haven't been able to do that for the past seven or eight months because of what Mother has to go through.  I always adapt, and I am glad that she got her knee fixed (even though she complains that it is not as good as she wants it to be), but some days it hasn't been fun having them around here ... and yet, I want to cherish the times I have with my folks when they're good, like when Father helped me clear the driveway of snow, or every night I get to eat a great dinner my parents made.

My neighbor's death a few weeks ago still weighs on me.  She is the person in my life I have lost this year, so in that sense, I have been quite lucky.  That's why I want to enjoy my time with my parents when they should be halfway around the world.  One year I will look back on the year with great, intense sadness.  I know it'll happen, and I don't want it to.

---

I'm driving down to my friends' place after I get finished with this blog post.  Hope I survive the drive down and back.  It's a tradition I intend on continuing for as long as possible, as a signpost that, despite all the setbacks and wrongs and pain I might have incurred through the year, I made it.

Happy New Year, everyone.  Let's make it a good one.

Where The Hell Did Our Tree Go?

I came home, Kentucky Fried Chicken in hand, on Tuesday to see something missing in our front yard.  We had two trees, and the one closer to the street is gone, with only its scarred stump and shards of wood shavings left in its place.  I asked my folks, who presumably were at home all day and thus noticed this chopping down of our tree, about it.  They didn't call for it to be removed, nor did they stop it, and they didn't even open the front door to ask what was going on.  They just observed this tree, which has been there my whole life, being cut down and hauled away.

No idea they were doing this.  Now, I have read the city newsletter, published four times a year, where some trees in town had to be either treated for, um, whatever disease is going through the neighborhood or, failing that, chopped down.  When I was mowing the lawn this year, I noticed a small medallion hanging from a nail nailed into the bark of this tree with some numbers on it.  I thought that meant that this tree had been treated.  Maybe that meant that the tree was slated for removal, even though I wonder, if that is what that is, why it took till Christmastime to do take the tree away.

Just in case, I should call the city to make sure they're the ones who did it.  Then again, my folks weren't told they had to pay for the tree, so it's probably legit, though strange in how the city went about doing it.

On my way out the door at work yesterday/Wednesday my co-worker stopped me.  I had logged off of my computer, and thus didn't see my e-mail.  But my co-worker was staying a bit longer and had me look at her e-mail.

My boss sent a letter, just as many of us were leaving.  He's leaving the company at the end of the year.

Look, I don't want to get too mushy, but I'm not taking this well.  So yes, I have complained about him in the past about overtime.  First of all, that's largely subsided in the past year or so, partly because most of the year has been filled with learning to do the work other people had been doing, partly because the workload has actually been tame enough that we've been leaving after eight hours ever since, oh, Halloween or so.  And even so, beyond one time where I started putting out feelers for other jobs (and by the way, I think he's leaving to pursue a passion of his), nothing too serious came about his, for lack of a better word, threats over it.  I didn't like what he said, but he didn't go beyond that to action that affected my workday or pay.

Beyond that, I actually like him as a boss.  He's overall easygoing, he for the most part provided answers whenever I had questions, and yet at the same time he sure isn't a micromanager.  I could go to him if I had issues.  Finally, I respected him as a boss.  He was dedicated to and serious about doing the work, even if he didn't take himself seriously, which is the best combination.  He wasn't a dick, and he didn't play games as a person in authority.

Now that he's gone ... well, it's not to say that I'm sure that I'll get the opposite, but we're heading into the unknown as to who we'll answer to and what he or she will expect from us.  And sure, I didn't know what I would get from him as a boss.  But he was the one who interviewed and hired me for my first (and so far only) actual job; I was going to have to deal with whatever he was going to give me and whoever he decided to be.  And I can say, for a fact, I could do a lot worse than him.  But he is gone, and frankly, on top of my neighbor dying, and the massacres at Brown University and Bondi Beach in Sydney, plus Rob Reiner and his wife being murdered by their son, and this corrupt and stupid piece of shit that cheated to win the presidency a second time getting away with it every day, this is more change I didn't want to have to deal with at the same time.  It's a blindside, and right now, it feels sad.

Too Much Fucking Snow

I've said before that I would have the cold than the snow.  I am getting less and less tolerant of the cold, but my preference still holds true.  Especially as the winter has started with much activity, namely frequent bursts of an inch of snow here, a few there, etc.  (Aside: The forecasters saying the La Nina weather pattern out in the Pacific Ocean will mean a colder and snowier winter for us in Minnesota is, so far and unfortunately, correct.)

If you really want to split hairs, those types of snowstorms are manageable, and I understand that the snow we get during the winter replenishes our water supply in the summer.  Doesn't mean it's safe to drive on it, and it gets tiresome to prepare yourself for so many days of driving in risky conditions.  For example, I wanted to go to my local Barnes & Noble last/Monday night and work on my receipts.  But I was blindsided on the snowstorm we had in the evening -- were we supposed to have one?  I needed to send some mail, I bought a Coke, and I tried putting air on my tires.  But the gas station I went to yanked the air hose out, and it was snowing so bad that I decided not to go to B&N and instead went home.

It snowed in the morning, too.  It was the nice, fluffy snow you imagine when you have good memories of Christmas, of being home with family, cozying up to a fire, drinking hot cocoa and unwrapping presents.  It's pretty to look at if you're inside and not needing to go outside.  But like I said, if you do need to go outside, that innocent-looking snow is deadly.

And all this moderation goes out the window because, apparently starting this/Tuesday afternoon, we're getting a big snowstorm, the second-biggest of our young winter if not the biggest.  It's hitting before I leave work, and it's going to get bad quick, so my drive home will probably be dangerous.  Worse than that, I have to get up early for work tomorrow/Wednesday.  There may be fewer people on the road, but I will not relish driving in what could be half a foot of snow early in the morning and in the dark.

Fucking hate this.

So a family friend died yesterday morning.  She broke her leg a couple weeks ago.  She was in physical therapy.  Some more ailments piled up on her, but then she felt a bit better ... and then she didn't.  And now she's dead.

She lived just down the street from us.  We could see her house from ours.  Last time I saw her was when my sister and I were walking around the neighborhood for Halloween.  We stopped in her house to say hello.  She was a really nice person.

I'm still trying to process all this, but this death is really bothering me.  Mostly because of the suddenness.  My Mother was in physical therapy, and it looks as though she is going to be fine.  But this friend of the family never gets out?  That's not fucking fair, at all. ...

Addendum To: You Know, I Don't Think My Folks Are Leaving Anytime Soon

And yesterday/Thursday, during Mother's PT, I got another sign that they won't be leaving anytime soon.  The good news coming from that session is that she's making such good progress -- or is appearing to make such good progress -- that the physical therapist recommended cancelling the next three sessions.  She just needs to work on the exercises he prescribed and come back in two weeks.

That's great.  She is walking without much assistance, even though my sister and I are worried that she is still walking sort of like a penguin.  The problem is that even though the therapist thinks the visits can be spread out to every two weeks, he thinks there should be a few more visits.  I was under the impression that Mother would be in the clear -- like completely done with everything -- six weeks after surgery.  But the way he makes it sound, there will be another session a week after My Mother hopes to get the "all clear" (and now I don't know if that is the clean bill of health I always thought it was), and then there would be, at least, one more session two weeks after that.  That session, assuming it's the final one, might fall after the New Year.

Now, this physical therapist might not have his dates right, or he may not be totally aware of My Mother's plans.  But if he is correct ... egad, my parents are going to be here through the holidays.  Sheesh.

Something Fun Shouldn't Be This Fucking Inconvenient

So I am doing this escape room with my brother, sister and niece tonight.  I want to look forward to it because it's, well, a fun thing to do, and I am doing something with my siblings, and I don't remember the last time I've ever done anything fun with them, let alone my niece.

Doing it tonight, however is a pain in the ass.  I work in The Fourth Position today, all by myself.  I need to get the work done because there is nobody else doing it today, and no one doing that job at all tomorrow.  For that reason, there is a chance I will be late.  I communicated my worry with my sibs.  But instead of offering a compromise, my brother just bought the goddamn tickets for tonight on his own.  I will probably have to leave stuff for one of my co-workers to do tomorrow, and that's not a good feeling to saddle someone with work to do when you had the chance to do it yourself.  I certainly wouldn't want one of them drop crap on my lap, but turnabout is fair play, and that is what I'm going to invite if I don't do all the work by myself today.

I have a Friday off coming up.  We certainly could have done the escape room then.  I can't see why we couldn't wait and do it then.  But nope, my brother said we're playing Friday.  So I have to fucking drop every goddamn thing and race to the escape room.  And I guess I shouldn't complain too much because my brother's the one buying the tickets, huh?

Moreover, my plan was to leave work early, go home, grab my sister and then go.  Going from work to home takes me in the opposite direction of the escape room, but that seemed to be the only way for all of us to play this game.  (It also necessitated me leaving work early if need be.)  This is the part that pisses me off.  While watching my alma mater's women's soccer team, I WhatsApped my sister that if I am able to get home in time, we have to immediately leave home to get to the escape room on time.  Then, she countered that she wants to go to the mall by herself.  She needs time to do that.  And, she wants to take my car.  I would then take my parents' very old van and meet her and my brother and my niece at the mall and the escape room in the evening.  Well, shit.

Being blindsided by her decision the day before fucking sucks.  I had to spend five minutes after I got home from the soccer Match taking out all the stuff I need to drive to work (sunglasses, sun visor, tire gauge to check the minivan's tires).  Also, this is the second time this week I've had to settle on the van while she gets to drive the newer car.  I sleep for lunch, and that's very hard to do in the van because the sun streams in through the windows; it gets hot and the radiation burns my skin.  It's no problem in my car because I have window shields that are fitted for my car's windows.  I obviously don't have them for the minivan, so I will probably be tired by the time we start the escape room because I haven't had my midday nap.  But worst of all is that I have to take this minivan in afternoon rush to the Mall of America.  Truthfully, I have no reason to believe it won't make it down there and back.  But it is a very old car, and I haven't driven it that far in some time, let alone driving it during afternoon rush.  There are certain aspects of this drive that will be foreign to me, and I hate needing to "learn" like this when my sister didn't have to shop by herself, and my brother didn't have to make the escape room tonight.  In other words, I think I am going to get into a car crash, or the van's engine is going to overheat, and I will fail to make it to the escape room.  It just feels like everything is getting set up this way.

Hate this.  Hate this all.  And I'm supposed to be having fun tonight, not feeling inconvenienced!

And Now The Storage Unit Is Going To Be Under New Ownership

I dropped by my storage unit after My Fucking Parents went fuckin' crazy on me.  I wanted to rent a second storage unit long-term because My Fucking Parents are forcing me to take my shit out of the house.  And that's when I got hit with another haymaker: The guy who I was speaking with, who was caretaking the site along with his wife and dog, are being moved out.  The owners of the place have sold it to a local company.  And because of that, any new rentals are for this month only; the changeover occurs next month.

Goddammit.  This feels like one fucking thing on top of another, but even if My Fucking Parents hadn't gone crazy on me, this has become a huge fucking issue.  That's because the guy I spoke to on Tuesday believes this new company is going to jack up prices.  They might not allow me to buy a year in advance in order to get a brake on rates; they might go month-to-month, which apparently is the trend with storage unit companies these days.  Finally, I don't think these guys have a good reputation.  In fact, there is no reason these guys can't break the contract I have right now, which is that I have my unit paid through March.  They might blow it up, jack up my rate, and make me pay by month.

Since I got hit by this bad news, I have been scrambling, fucking scrambling, to find a new spot.  I realize that I had it really good with the place I'm at now.  I was able to lock in long-term rates, the money I spent on average is way less than quotes I'm seeing now, and the people who mind the area are nice and cool and easy to deal with.  There is no guarantee I can find anything similar.  And if these guys muscle me out of the unit I've had there for years and I don't have a backup lined up, I am so, so fucked.

First My Fucking Parents take everything I hold dear from me, and now I get kicked out of my storage unit?  Can't lie; this is really, really hard for me to deal with.

Facial Rec For OnlyFans?!?! GTFOH!!!

So I tried logging into OnlyFans a few days ago, and instead of seeing its busy, clunky homepage, I was told I needed to be verified.  The link I clicked on sent me to this third-party site that had a lot of words that I needed to read.  There it said that I need to be verified through, get this, facial recognition.

That shit came at me out of the blue.  I understand that maybe you need ways to identify consumers on your porn site.  But I also have the right to opt out and not volunteer my physical features to a company just so I can beat off to naked women.  So I refuse.  And that probably means I won't use OnlyFans unless they end or even lighten the policy, so I might not ever use it again.

I am kind of crestfallen, but I don't trust a porn site to keep my facial characteristics secure.  For all I know, they'll sell images of me to an artificial intelligence company.  That fear overrides any understanding that this company should know who you are.  Too bad; whenever I needed to see someone naked for a bit, I sometimes went out to OF.  But only sometimes because -- and maybe I need to rant a bit here -- its interface was awful.  I try to press a button and it would take forever to get to the next page.  And it's so picture- and video-heavy (for obvious reasons), yet it had a difficult time reloading and refreshing.  You would think a porn site would fix a loading problem.  But whatever, I can't and won't go there anymore.

Feeling Sorry For Myself

Now that the reality of them coming home and ruining the life I have here in my house is settling in, I just spent the past several hours feeling sorry for myself.  Well, I decided I needed to see my ATF, ******a, at My Favorite Stripclub (and let's face it, it's the only stripclub I go to nowadays) before my folks return.  I could have started cleaning up around here, and I just did clean the dishes.  But I have just more than 72 hours before they come home -- what can I really do to tidy up the place?  Nothing.  So I don't do anything, or at least nothing much.

This is where my procrastination over bringing out My Stuff is a good thing.  I should've taken some things out of storage so I could go through them.  But work has been such a bear, and I've been going to soccer Matches every Saturday (at least it seems like), that I never got around to it.  And now that they're coming back, I don't have to frantically put everything back together and haul all that crap to my storage unit.  That is one big thing I don't have to worry about.

And everything else, in my opinion, is out of my control.  I was blindsided, so what can I do?  That's how I justify not dusting or wiping.  I might clean the toilets -- might.  Everything else, hey, I don't have time for.  Maybe if I had three more months like I thought I did!!

Snow? Still?

The last goddamn thing I need is to deal with a snowstorm.  Haven't been paying attention to the weather report, so hearing last/Sunday night that there is going to be a potentially nasty snowstorm that will start tomorrow/Tuesday morning as rain and switch at some point over to snow by the time it wraps up some time Wednesday was a rude blindside.  And it doesn't help that the initial range of snow forecast is between two and six inches of snow.  I can handle two inches; I might not even shovel.  Half a foot?  Well, shit, I have to break out the snowblower again, and I haven't even tried to clean the carburetor, which prevented the plow from working at its peak.

I have to devote as much time as possible to gathering my things and taking them to storage.  The last fucking thing I need is to take that time to shovel and or plow snow.  Fuckin' A, man.

Work Sucks Right Now, In So Many Ways

Before I rant and feel sorry for myself, I want to say that I am grateful for the overtime I'm getting.  The money is worth the grief.

Well, at least I say that now.  While I was working yesterday/Friday, it sure as fuck didn't feel that way.  The Third Department is utter fucking chaos now.  It didn't help that all the work that got stuck down South Wednesday finally reached us.  The work that came for me ... I don't know if I have ever left so much work for my co-worker, who is doing The Third Department today/Saturday.  I apologized to her before I left work.  I stayed an extra two hours, like I usually do.  I could've stayed till nine o'clock and not gotten everything done.  Seriously.

There are so many things to keep apprised up in that particular position that I am constantly bombarded with things that crop up which I need to immediately address.  Toward the end of my day (which, because it ran so long, became my night), I saw something that essentially became a "STAT" thing that I had to drop everything to do, and I know I let out a "Fuck!" that I meant as a whisper but was probably loud enough for everybody in the room to hear.  It was that frustrating a day.

It didn't help that I screwed up, which I did right before I saw this "STAT" thing I just had to do.  I basically signed off on, like, a dozen reports that I should not have signed off on.  And so I had to go through each report and fix my mistake.  I had a shit ton to do already, and I didn't need to make it harder on myself by fucking up like I did.  But I realized that I made this mistake because I was not doing these reports every day, and that makes me susceptible to forgetting a process of, say, doing a report.  I see now how hard it is to step into work someone else started.  I can't just apply my training at any point in a particular process.  If I didn't start it, I am likely to screw it up.  And in a job where I hop from position to position, that will mess me up, man.

Aside, and I need to make this vague because, frankly, this may blow up into a shitshow: I may have made a mistake, but I sure as fuck don't like her tone.  There were so many other ways to tell me via e-mail to stop.  And by the way, the mistake started with the person not writing down the date.  What condescending bullshit.  And if she decides to take it up with my supervisor or boss, man, I could be in deep trouble.

With all my venting here, I'm going back to work today/Saturday to help out.  They're still behind, so much so that they might bring in people for Monday.  But goddammit, I'd rather this have happened last weekend, or next weekend.  'Cause this weekend was the only Saturday over at least the next month where I could watch EPL downtown, something I haven't done yet this season.  The combination of Matches kicking off at 9 this/Saturday morning doesn't involve any team that would take over the pub I want to go to, and I can't say that for any day until at least April.  But then this opportunity of working ten hours again has to come up this fucking Saturday.  I could decide to work a full day, but I have decided not to.  One, I really was looking forward to watching soccer, and work like this won't change my mind.  Also, I have pulled ten hours several days over the past few weeks, and I was so stressed after leaving work last/Friday night that I am trying to take time for myself.  I'll watch soccer, then go into work for an abbreviated day.  And if that means passing up some money, so be it.  I'm making plenty this time period.

With all that said, this incident from this e-mail may blow up.  There is a non-zero change that I won't have a job by the time today/Saturday ends.  Just a head's-up.

I've Now Got (Less Than) Three Weeks Left Of Freedom

OK, time to drop the other shoe: My parents are coming home in three weeks.  A blindside if there ever was one.  I really, really thought that since they left for Las Vegas late, they would come home late.  Also, Mother said that they'd be returning in the summer, which means that they would have just shifted their half-year away from here later in 2025.

Then again, Mother also did say that they (or at least she; I know Father hates the winter now) have to come back in time for tax season.  Also, even though it seems that March is way too soon for them to come back here, I looked through my Franklin Quests from previous years, and they usually come back in March.  That means that, unless they promptly turn around and head back to Vegas (or go on a lengthy vacation somewhere), they would have spent only three months out of town.  That doesn't seem long for two people who want to winter in warmer weather.

Regardless, I'm under the damn gun now.  All the time I thought (or wished) I had is now a distant memory.  I do have (less than) three weeks, but I have to now think of what stuff can I go through, and how do I pack up all the stuff I want to keep.  And then I have to worry about getting the house cleaned.  It's a thankless burden, trying to get everything tip-top in time for my parents coming back.  I have to worry, but dammit, I don't want to worry about it now.  Just later, please.