Running Over Something (It's My Fault)

I take a different route to work every morning if I am diverting to Caribou for my mocha, like I did yesterday/Monday.  I need to take a left to get to the main road that leads to my company.  But goddammit, many times when I take this left I hit what appears to be a pothole, and it's so jarring that I have to check my tires (and it's usually the right side) to make sure I didn't blow them out.

It's pissing me off.  I have looked on the pavement where I need to make the turn, and I have always tried to avoid this little pothole and this manhole cover because I think they're the ones that give me that jarring bump I feel if I don't drive over the smooth pavement.  But fuckin' A, there's some pothole or divot or ridge or something I'm missing, and I fucking damaged my car like that yesterday.

The rub of this all is is that I didn't plan on getting Caribou until I woke up.  My work schedule was such that I neither needed to stay late nor have any opportunity to go anywhere after work, so I thought there was a possibility that I could spend the whole workweek without popping open my wallet even once.  But ... dammit, the Timberwolves came back to win Game 7 and the series on Sunday, and I just felt like treating myself!  And shit, running over something real bad like this was karma's way of saying, "Yeah, big mistake, pal."  If I keep running over what I'm running over, maybe I shouldn't be getting Caribou anymore.  I can't take this any longer.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Holy fucking shit!  HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!  They fucking did it!  They got blown out in Denver in Game 5, but then took Game 6 back at Target Center, and then, after being down 15 at Halftime and by as many as 20 to start the Third Quarter, THEY FUCKING CAME BACK TO BEAT THE NUGGETS, ON THE ROAD IN GAME 7!!!  HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!  I think the NBA says this is The Biggest Comeback To Win A Game 7 (On The Road???) Ever!!!

I don't know what else to say ... because I thought they would lose last/Sunday night by ten or 15 Points.  I was so sure they would lose that I had no intention of watching or listening to the Game.  Actually, I was at a museum taking in a Peanuts exhibition in St. Paul in the afternoon, so after dinner I went to bed at around 5:30 and woke up around 9:30.  I then took a much-needed shower and, to delay seeing the score I thought was inevitable, I shaved myself for the first time this calendar year (as opposed to paying someone to shave me).  I then decided I would discover the score through X.  I saw some tweet about the Nuggets holding, so I discounted understanding who won through that.  But I then saw a screenshot of a box score which showed the Wolves won, 98-90, and I discounted that because hey, it's social media.  But finally I caught the NBA Twitter feed, which tweeted out a slo-mo Anthony Edwards GIF with the caption, "Ant celebrating the W," or something like that.  And I went, "HOLY FUCKING SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!"

They face The Dallas Mavericks in The Western Conference Finals, and since the Timberwolves are the higher-seeded team, they'll have home-court advantage this series.  Not that it matters; Denver had it last series, and our Wolves fuckin' won Game 7 on the road!  HOOTIE-HOOO!!!!!!!

#0: PWHL (OK, I'll talk about them now).  Look, it's still wrong what the vultures which now have taken over North American women's professional hockey have done (and yes, I know that one of the owners is Billie Jean King -- it's still wrong).  But if I want to talk about the Timberwolves coming back and winning a series I didn't think they'd win, I have to talk about The Minnesota Whiteca ... er, PWHL Minnesota (goddamn, just take the fucking name Whitecaps, you bought the intellectual property, for fuck's sake).

In case you don't know what's going on with this squad (and that's totally understandable if you were turned off by how the PHF was sold down the river), PWHL Minnesota were flying at the start of the league's season but had lost five in a row to end it.  They were free-falling down the standings and needed PWHL Ottawa to lose in order to finally get a playoff spot through the backdoor.  In the PWHL, the top seed, in this case PWHL Toronto, got to choose whether to play fourth-seed PWHL Minnesota or third-seed Boston for their Semifinal Series.  There has always been some talk about jazzing up the postseason with a "choose your opponent" playoff bracket, and the PWHL has done that, but wouldn't you choose to face the team on a losing streak?

That decision was working out logically, as PWHL Toronto won the first two Games of the series.  But in Game 3, their best player, Forward Natalie Spooner, got hit by our Grace Zumwinkle, and she was done for the rest of the series because of a knee injury.  Well, that's become the rest of the season, because PWHL Minnesota stormed back to win Games 3, 4 and 5 (the first two at the X, the latter in Toronto) to win the series in come-from-behind fashion and face that third-seeded PWHL Boston (who not only upset second-seeded PWHL Montreal but swept that club) for The, uh, Walter Cup.  I don't understand what was so wrong with The Isobel Cup.  You might not know it, and the PWHL might be choosing to ignore this history, but The Boston Pride defeated the Whitecaps to win the Isobel in the 2020-1 PHF season.  And the two most-passionate United States markets for hockey clash again ... with PWHL Boston taking Game 1 of the championship series yesterday/Sunday afternoon, 4-3.  PWHL took the lead at 1-0 and 2-1, but PWHL Boston tied it up both times, and after Taylor Heise potted her second Goal of the contest to knot it up at 3 late in the Third Period, Jess Healey scored the Game-winner fifteen Second later and with 2 1/2 Minutes left in regulation.  Guess PWHL Minnesota is going to take the long way again.  No matter ... maybe.

#-1: United FC (Re-Entry!).  With all the hubbub going on with the Timberwolves (and to a lesser extent PWHL Minnesota), I feel real, real bad that the Loons are in negative numbers even though they're unbeaten in the last five Matches.  More surprising was that they came back from a 1-0 deficit to beat The Portland Timbers, 2-1, at Allianz Field Saturday night.  A lost ball turned into a quick strike in the 17th Minute, which Portland's Jonathan Rodriguez deposited past Dayne St. Clair.  But Eric Ramsey, who rotated out his usual starters in what turned out to be a 5-4-1, finally put in his old-guard subs early in the Second Half, and that turned the tide.  Starter Joseph Rosales flipped a ball to sub Robin Lod, who foot-flicked it past Timbers Goalkeeper Maxime Crepeau to tie it up in the 65th.  Then, in the 82nd, two Substitutes connected for the Match-winner; D. J. Taylor found Jeong Sang-bin in the box, who eased it into the corner.

This, by the way, comes three Days after they blew a 1-0 lead but came back to salvage a 2-all tie at home to The Los Angeles Galaxy on Wednesday.  Both United FC Goals, by the by, came via Set Pieces, an area of tangible, apparent improvement under Ramsey.  It has been rare to see MNUFC, and in fact any Minnesota sports team, come back from a deficit.  (I sense a theme here.)  But United FC's recent winning form has broken them out of a four-way tie to grab second place in the Western Conference all for themselves.  They are in the middle of a busy stretch, however, playing five tilts in 2 1/2 Weeks, the next two of which are on the road beginning with Colorado Saturday.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  With the success of the Timberwolves (and, to a lesser extent, PWHL Minnesota and the Loons), it's easy and, frankly, a relief to be able to ignore the Twinks, who had been riding high until losing every single motherfucking Game this screening Week in sweeps courtesy of the Yankees (who came to Target Field and made the Twinks their bitches, again) and Cleveland, to whom they are now trailing by 5 1/2 Games in the A. L. Central.  What an absolute goddamn disaster.

Oh, well.  They don't have to play great teams all season.  To wit: They face two perfectly mediocre clubs this Week -- Washington on the road starting tonight/Monday night, then home to The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 for a three-Game series starting Friday.

#-Infinity: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  They took two-of-three in the final series of the regular season, at Northwestern.  But even though I don't know for sure, that Loss, 7-6 Friday in which the lead changed hands five times as both teams scored exactly two Runs each time to take a one-Run lead, including the last three half-Innings, possibly resigned Minnesota to ninth place in the Big Ten, a half-Game behind eighth-place Penn St., who was the final team to make The Big Ten Tournament.

And so this program's season ends.  And John Anderson retires, his last Game being a 4-2 Win over the Wildcats yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  There is something about being at the same job 40+ years, and there is something to be said for being a rock, an institution.  But with this being (for all intents and purposes; I think there is still track and field left) the final University of Minnesota sports action for the 2023-4 school year, a page can be turned -- not just for Anderson, and not just for the U. baseball program, but for Golden Gopher sports.  College football's insatiable demands means four new universities, all way out on the West Coast, become part of the B1G starting in the fall, and all sports (not just football) will head out on a brave new world of transfer portals and NIL money.  I don't know if that's the reason Anderson chose to retire.  But I think that, respectfully, his retirement allows for a fresh set of eyes to review what I think is a sleeping giant.  There is an opportunity to inject some new blood to Siebert Field, and with it opportunities to bring in new players, a fresh mindset, and improved processes that can lead to a resuscitation of a program that, frankly, has seen better days.  There may need to be some time to rebuild, but the possibility of upgrading Gopher baseball by leaps and bounds is there.  I truly believe that.

Expenses Without Receipt

I'm only blog posting this because right now, I have nothing to say.  But at least I'm catching up now as opposed to six weeks or even eight months later.  Starting from Saturday, May 18:

• We need to go back to Saturday, May 11, where, kind of out of the blue, I got my car washed.  Charged the wash but had enough cash for the tip, which was: $3.
• Then, back to Friday, March 3, when I stored back-to-back mint dollar bills.  My rule is to keep them if I have three of them with consecutive serial numbers, but for some reason I decided to break that rule.  So, I have stored: $2.
• And I am putting in my birthday gift to my niece in this day as well, even though I technically gave this to her two days later, when we had our belated birthday party for her.  We as a family have largely given up on giving gifts period, but when we do, we just give cash.  My niece was down with it.  She's learning.  Gave her: $100.

Finally, blog posted a short EWR.  Good through May 18.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2024

From the fleeting glances I've been able to shoot this month's way, I have determined that I will recognize seven of the dozen women gracing this month.  I think it's a solid, middle-of-the-pack month, though I get the feeling that if I saw this hanging on my wall all April, I would grade it somewhat better.

In seventh place is May May.  She's an international -- Bangkok, to be exact!  I have heard that Hooters in Asia can get pretty wild.  There are pageants here in the United States where the waitresses appear in their bikinis with their asses hanging out.  In Thailand (I believe), ass-showing is a much more frequent occurrence.  I need to go.  Anyway, May May has long, dark hair, is wearing a lime green two-piece bikini, and has shifted her body weight to her left side, leg and hip, giving her pose a Botticelli-like curve.  But she is posing completely facing the camera, which is the very basic requirement for me to recognize a Hooters girl.

In sixth place is Callie, out of Greensboro, N.C.  Long and straight blonde hair, orange two-piece bordered in baby blue.  She doesn't smile (in that sense she is similar to May May, whose photo is to the right of Callie's) so as grit her teeth; you can standardize levels on her straight mouth.  But like May May, she is posing right at the camera.  Also, she is pulling up the sides of her bikini bottom, and that's a sense of action that gives her photograph some dynamism.

In fifth place is Alondra, hailing from Rockford, Ill.  She's got really long black hair; it goes all the way down to her hips.  She is smiling, which is a plus.  But mostly, I'm putting Alondra here because she is sporting a patterned but mostly pink two-piece bikini.  That swimwear is a level of complexity and detail I have rarely seen on a Hooters waitress.

In fourth pace is Isabella, of West Springfield, Mass.  Long-ish light brown hair, orange two-piece.  Not quite a fan of her arms in this pic, which is grabbing onto the base of her neck.  But what I really notice is that she has some wide, wide hips.  I also haven't seen that much on a Hooters woman, so I am giving props to Isabella here.

In third place is Astryn -- is that a real name? -- out of Garland, Tex.  Blonde hair that reaches her boobs, blue two-piece bikini.  Her body is on the bony side.  But Astryn is beaming wide, grabbing onto the right side of her bikini bottom, jutting out her right hip, and facing directly at us.  A classic blonde beauty; if you saw her coming at you with a plate of wings, you would wish you could see her in the Hooters calendar.  Also, there appears to be a tree and a stone fence behind her, so it looks as though she was photographed in a park.  I like that.

In second place is Gracie, hailing from Brandon, Fla.  Brown hair with blonde highlights and some volume, orange two-piece.  Gracie is also front-facing, and she is also tugging the sides of her bottom.  But that Mona Lisa smile just gets me off!

Finally, taking the top spot is Ashley, of Weston, Fla.  Dark brown or black hair, deep blue two-piece bikini.  Her setting is what puts her photo over the top.  She is hip-deep in what looks to be a lake, and it's not great not to see her nether regions.  But this picture was taken, I think, at dusk, and there is a beautiful sunset backdropping Ashley.  She's gorgeous, but so is the photograph.

So congratulations to Ashley and all the other Hooters servers I have singled out for April 2024.  And just an FYI, I masturbated to all seven of these babes just before I blog posted this.  Prost!

Up until recently, I noticed (and I wanted to blog post) that my car has been running real smooth.  I was going to go out on a limb and say it felt good driving it as it had been in a few years.

However, I sense a bit of shaking from my car.  Last time that happened, the mechanic told me the engine was just about empty of oil.  But I have been checking the dipstick and ... OK, first of all, the dipstick sucks.  It's not metal; the dipstick in my car has a plastic orange end.  I have seen owners of my model of complain without end on the Internet at how difficult it is to tell how much oil is left in their cars because they can't read the orange end of the dipstick.  The best I can tell is that it's not completely full, but it's nowhere near empty.  And I remember once that when I brought my old car in, I was told that the damn engine was overfilled.  Apparently I have to Goldilocks every car I own.  You know, if I have to worry about not enough oil and also too much oil, maybe a car is too finicky for a civilian to drive, no?

I think I'm just scaring myself.  Maybe the shaking is just uneven roads, or it's all in my head.  Maybe I should just stop thinking of ways the car is going to break down and just believe it won't.  God, I'm so paranoid, I'm being my own pain-in-the-ass.

Got back from last/Wednesday night's MNUFC Match where I spent about $50 on food and drink.  And then I came home to see that the box of chocolates I spent more than $100 for the people at work came.

I spent $40 on dinner Tuesday night.  Back on Friday night I dropped $70 at a speakeasy.  And I'm thinking whether I'm horny enough to arrange some sexytime with one of my stripper girlfriends this weekend.

I make about $100 a day at work.  This means that on several days recently, I have spent most if not all the money I made that day.

I keep resolving to not spend so much money, and to bulk up my account and savings.  Not happenin'.

On Facebook I just got a reminder that it is the birthday of a stripper whose crazy fuckin' boyfriend conned me into divulging shit we did at a stripper party.  I know she caught hell from him; I'm guessing he beats her, if they're still together ... or if she's still alive.  But after I realized I was tricked/catfished, he went onto all of my posts (through his girlfriend) and made these bullshit accusations.  I am so, so glad none of my real friends even mentioned any of that to me once I saw that he was trying to dirty me up, let alone believed him.

I've blocked him.  I should remember his name and tell someone in case he comes after me.  In the meantime, I wonder what happened to her.  She disappeared from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version -- RIP) and I haven't heard from her since.  But goddamn she could suck my dick and toss my salad.  I sometimes wonder if getting handled by her is worth getting murdered by him.

The Curious Properties Of Coconut Oil

Hey, do you have coconut oil?  I was given a jar when ******a came over and massaged me -- you know, before she went nuts on me and hasn't called because she thinks her cell is being tapped.  It's amazing that it has a melting point that's, like, in the seventies or so.  Above that it looks like an oil should.  Below that, it's a paste.

I learned on the Internet that I should not apply pure, undiluted tea tree oil onto my scalp in order to boil down the bumps on my head.  Instead, it should be cut with several drops of coconut oil, at about a ratio of 10-to-1.  Disregarding the fact that I don't do it once my hair gets even a wee bit long (should get my hair cut soon), the problem with trying to make this mixture is that, until the hot weather recently, the coconut oil was a solid.  You can't draw up solid coconut oil from a syringe, like I want to do.  So I have taken advantage of the warming temperatures by putting this jar of coconut oil and the little droplet bottle in which I make the coconut/tea tree oil mixture at my window, held in by the blinds.  The Sun sets right at my window, so its rays are strong enough (at least nowadays) that the coconut oil will melt.  But it has been cool enough once night falls that the jar of coconut oil becomes solid again.  And I just checked: Right now, it partially clear, partially in solid form, but the clear part appears suspended.

Coconut oil is weird, man.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Another splendid Week: 5-2 overall, taking three-of-four at home versus Seattle, then taking two-of-three at Toronto.  They are still in second place in the Division, tied with plucky Kansas City and a half-Game behind resourceful and resilient Cleveland.  Also, their Bullpen right now seems to be out of gas; it was the relievers who blew Saturday's 10-8 Loss to the Blue Jays, otherwise they would've swept.  Still, they are miles from where they were three Weeks ago.

Unfortunately, they host their longtime tormentors, The New York Yankees, for three starting on Tuesday.  They then travel to Cleveland to play the Guardians for three over the weekend.  This is going to be a very pivotal screening Week for the Twins.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  This series win over Michigan St. is weird.  The Spartans are mediocre, just like these Goofers.  And they beat the U. in Friday's opener, 6-4.  The Gophs then beat the shit out of Sparty on Saturday, 21-3.  (I have seen baseball scores this season that were so lopsided that they ended before nine Innings.  Maybe it was because of inclement weather, but I have thought that The Mercy Rule is now in place for college baseball.  Could be wrong.)  But yesterday's/Sunday's series finale, which also happened to be Head Coach John Anderson's last Game ever in front of the home crowd, might be the wildest tilt in recent program history.  The U. was trailing 12-2 heading into the bottom of the sixth Inning.  They then proceeded to score one in the Sixth, one in the Seventh, six in the eighth and, by jove, five in the Ninth Inning, where Boston Merila tied the Game at 12 on a Fielder's Choice, and then Drew Berkland sent everybody home with a stunning Home Run to Left Field with Ike Mezzenga and Sam Hunt on board for the 15-12 victory.

The bad news is that the Big Ten Tournament takes only the top eight teams, and Minnesota is still a Game behind Michigan St., Ohio St. and Maryland for that spot.  The good news is that their final series of the regular season is a three-Game set at Northwestern, the team last in the standings.  If they want to extend Anderson's tenure a little longer, they'll need to sweep, at that's the least they can do.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Well, fuck.  They actually took Game 2 of the series vs. the Nuggets in Denver, a Game where they were so much in control that Jamal Murray threw a towel and a heat pad onto the court.  Doing that shit is dangerous, but no, the NBA is covering for THE DENVER FUCKING NUGGETS and only fined him, not suspended him.

And goddamn, that may be the turning point of the series, because those motherfuckers came into Target Center and took both Games 3 and 4.  The series is now tied, but the Woofie Dogs had a chance to win this series at home and instead choked in front of the home crowd not once but twice.  Worse yet, they haven't won since Monday, which seems like a millennium ago, not a week, and momentum might be big against the defending champs, who now play Game 5 at Denver Tuesday and can win the series here on Thursday.

No, it wasn't supposed to be easy.  But the Timberwolves made it look like it was.  And it made this tired, thirsting, desperate fanbase feel as though they could finally believe that a sports team from this godforsaken state could win it all.  That is turning into a vicious, cruel lie, and it's up to this team to put a fucking stop to it, or else fans might throw themselves off of bridges.

#-Infinity: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  This club played to seed, at least.  That means the fifth-seeded Gophers beat 12th-seeded Illinois to start the B1G Tournament on Wednesday (even though they had to go to nine Innings before they defeated the Illini, 10-7).  They then lost to fourth-seeded Nebraska 11-2, and the Cornhuskers needed to take only five Innings to end the U.'s tournament run and, because they were pretty fucking mediocre all season, the U.'s season.

Since Piper Ritter became Head Coach of this squad, they have not reached the NCAA Tournament.  This caps off a sorry, underachieving Year of women's sports at Dinkytown.  Check this out:

• The soccer team finished with three Wins, two Draws and five Losses, and haven't reached the NCAAs since 2018;
• With the proviso that they were playing for a Head Coach in his first Year at the helm, the volleyball team finished 12-8 in-conference and 17-13 overall, didn't get to host to start the NCAA Tournament, and got swept by Creighton in the Second Round;
• The hockey team lost to Clarkson in Quadruple Overtime in the Quarterfinal Round of the NCAAs, making it now eight Years since they won it all, and the program is now clearly a rung below powerhouses Wisconsin and Ohio St.;
• With the proviso that they were playing for a Head Coach in her first Year at the helm, the basketball team pissed away a promising start by losing ten of their final 11 regular season contests and, even though they got to the WNIT title Game, got blasted by Saint Louis by 19.

And now this.  For such a supposedly-progressive university, the women's programs haven't done a fucking thing lately.  That whole goddamn school is stuck in neutral.

Wild Night, I'm Afraid

Last/Saturday night I went out after dinner.  Two reasons for that.  One, there was a possibility of a booty call: *****y intimated that she might have her place free in the evening for some sexytime.  Two, Chipotle had a promotion whereby I would get an extra 50 Chipotle points if I ordered a pop.  My sweet tooth is working overtime, so I needed a pop, and besides, if *****y tells me to cum on over, I'll already be out.  So in my desperate, dirty mind, going out made sense.

Goddamn, I had no idea what was in store for me.

I put in a mobile order for the closest Chipotle near me.  I drive over.  I didn't realize that the carnival blew in and set down its fair for the weekend at the usually-empty parking lot next to the mini-stripmall that includes this Chipotle, as they have done for many, many years now.  I park at the big mall several yards away.  But I notice that there are a couple cop cars with their lights still on at this mini-stripmall.  And then, as I was walking toward Chipotle, the police cars I saw with their lights on driving down the road had pulled through into this mini-stripmall.  Oh, shit.

I continue to walk toward Chipotle anyway.  A mom with kids in tow approaches me.  "Did you know there was a fight going on?" she said, "Yeah, it's real ghetto over there.  I wouldn't go there if I were you."  Normally I would run in the other direction, but unfortunately, I already paid eight bucks for one chicken taco al pastor and a bottle of Mexican Coke, and I don't think Chipotle would give me my money back because of a police disturbance.

Luckily I was able to sneak in, and luckily the Chipotle guy inside believed me when I said I had a mobile order ready.  I wanted to consume everything there, but obviously things were too hairy to do that.  I wanted to then eat in my car.  But as I was walking back, I saw a cop take out a gun with a bright green back end, then load what looked to be a green ball in the back.  Looking it up real quick, it looks to be a riot gun, and the police officer loaded some less-lethal ammunition.  The fight apparently happened in the paved area right to the side of the Chipotle.  That Chipotle used to be a Starbucks where you could drive through.  There are now bollards to prevent cars from driving through, but that turns it into an area where you can just, well, hang and maybe start a fight.  My guess is that riot gun was going to break that up, although I thought I heard a cop shout into a bullhorn, "The carnival is now closed."

---

So with the gargantuan crowd being dispersed, I no longer felt safe just eating in my car.  Had to get the hell out of there.  I then saw that my car was only half-full, so I got the idea of going to a gas station, pulling up to a pump, and scarfing down my taco in case anyone at the station didn't want me to dilly-daddle.

One problem: I don't have a bottle opener on me.  It wasn't going to be a problem if I was going to drink the Coke at Chipotle, but now I'll need something, like the corner of the pump itself, to break the cap open.  And then, while I was figuring out how to do that, some woman, out of the blue, wearing clothing that seemed native to a South American country, came up to my car while I was eating inside.  She was holding out a gold necklace, gesturing it toward me as if to say, "You want to buy this necklace?"  I wave my hand to her no.  And then she said, "Come out, it's gold!"  And I've seen these weird people about, oh, half a dozen times in my life where they go around a parking lot of some establishment offering to sell, like, a watch or something.  Who are these fucking people?  What makes them think they can just sell shit at a gas station?  And has anyone, anyone just gone to a gas station to get gasoline, saw some stranger come up with a trinket and go, "You know, I was just here to get some gas, but damn, I need to buy this necklace from this chick at the parking lot!"

I get more demonstrative with my hand in order to let her know to get the hell away from me.  And as I was eating the rest of my taco (which was way colder than it should've been, should've eaten it at Chipotle), this weird woman kept approaching everyone at the gas station parking lot offering to see this necklace.  That bullshit weirded me the fuck out, so after eating the taco, I had to leave this gas station for another gas station close to home, even though the gas there was about 20 cents more than the one I was at.  I had to leave.  I spent two bucks less than I planned to.  And I found that the edge of the speaker box at the pump was perfect for busting open the Coke.

---

Oh.  *****y never called.  She probably was busy all night hanging out with her sisters and brothers.

I'm thinking that the relatively warm weather yesterday (it was great last night) contributing to the wild night.  But we didn't have much of a winter.  You could hang out outside for many, many weekends in November through March.  I thought it would've wrung out the cabin fever tension so that kids wouldn't get into fights and weird women wearing historical wear wouldn't be hocking gold necklaces at a gas station parking lot.  I was wrong.  And that all this crap happened in my neighborhood tells me that this might happen every Saturday night.

Besides the extra points from Chipotle, maybe it was a mistake to venture out last/Saturday night.

Apparently I Missed The Best Northern Lights Ever, And I Will Never Be Able To See Them That Good Ever, Ever Again

Hey, the news that the Aurora Borealis (should that be capitalized?) snuck up on me.  Heard that the solar storms emanating from the Sun were going to be intense early in the week, and by the time meteorologists determined this would be the most kick-ass Northern Lights ever on Friday, I was determined to unwind after another tough week at work (in which I was still wondering I was still working there) by going to a speakeasy.  And naturally, after I come home from eating and drinking at a speakeasy, I crawled into bed early and fell asleep.

Fell asleep around 9 p.m., I think.  And so if I woke up around 7 this morning, that's ten hours of solid, body-recuperating sleep.  Unfortunately I did all this on the night when the Aurora Borealis was so good, I could have apparently stepped out onto either my frontyard or backyard and see them despite the light pollution.  It appears as though many did just that, if my Twitter/X feed is indicative of what really happened.

The storms are still strong, so they say the Northern Lights are going to be pretty good tonight, when I am wide awake.  Buuuuuuuuuut ... it's not going to be as vibrant as it was last night, and there is a greater chance of clouds.  It would be like me to miss seeing these lights, try to see them the next day, and not see a damn thing.

I have vowed for a long time that one night I will drive up north and see this Aurora Borealis.  Then again, I wouldn't have had to go anywhere if I were up last night.  Guess I could've just stepped outside last night and looked up.  But I was in bed.  And I missed everything.  And it will never be as good as it was ever, ever again.  Goddammit.

Nightmare (Don't Pee On Me)

Went out to a speakeasy to eat and drink last night, came home, promptly went to bed.  Have been up since around 7 a.m. or so.

All I remember are nightmares where, on three occasions, I think I saw someone piss.  The last, uh, encounter is the one I remember the most details about, probably because I realized this was a nightmare and I woke up soon thereafter.  I was walking in a bathroom and came upon some guy from behind.  He was arching his back and, after seeing around him, I saw him attempting to pee into a urinal from, oh, ten or 15 yards away.  And then I felt the sensation of piss hitting my face.  And I think I either thought or said, "Don't piss on me!"  And I woke up soon after that.

I don't want to fully analyze what I think that means.  But I will say this: I absolutely do not want any male to urinate on me.  OK?

25-85%

I have recently heeded some advice many people advise (at least on the Internet) and cut back on the charging of my devices.  I throw my laptop around a lot -- I like laying down with it above me -- so it usually isn't in a position where I can plug it in.  I will if I have to, of course.  That's kind of diametrically different from my cellphone, where I use it all day, plug it in at night, and have a fully-charged cell with which to start the day.

But I had been noticing that my lap was going through my battery at a faster and faster rate.  I finally paid to get it switched out, but the acceleration of the battery draining seems as bad as the first battery.  Meanwhile, one thing I've noticed about the new cellphone (which I had to buy in a panic about a month ago because my old phone no longer would get a phone signal) is that it eats through the battery's energy very, very quickly.  I'm pretty sure I was told I got a new phone, but it doesn't seem like it.

These days my laptop runs really hot, especially when I'm not placing it on a level surface like I'm supposed to.  I was playing Zynga Poker once and the left bottom part of my keyboard was scalding hot, the hottest I had ever felt it.  I half-thought the damn thing would light itself on fire.

That was when I finally Googled "the best way to recharge a battery."  (To be completely honest, I think I may have searched for this once before and promptly forgot what I found.)  And what I saw was that one should not fully recharge a battery, (presumably) for a cell or a lap.  That's because you go through the life of a battery when you recharge it to its fullest, or in a "cycle."  It is recommended instead to keep the battery roughly between 20-85%.  Now, I have seen a maximum of 80% at a couple sites.  Also, generally 20% is when you get those "low power" notices, and both my cellphone and laptop switch to power-saving mode automatically once the level gets that low, and I don't want to do that because it seems as though getting that "low power" message itself expends a lot of energy.  So, once it gets down to around 25% or so, I plug both devices in, and I try to do my best to unplug it once it reaches 85%.  I have yet to be fast enough to unplug it at that point, but I have so far been able to stop charging it before it reaches 100%.

Will it extend the life of my batteries?  Who knows?  I just started.  And, unfortunately, it looks as though both batteries are pretty worn out already.  I might be extending their lives, but it might be too late.  Regardless, keeping it between 25-85% seems like a good idea, and I plan on doing that forever more.

My Fuck-Up, Embossed In Amber For All To See

So yesterday at work I had to pick up for my co-worker, who was there in The Fourth Department.  One of the things she started was an e-mail request to get accounts for some urine samples we had in the lab but hadn't gone into testing yet.  She forwarded me the response from the employer to her.  The person from the company asked for the forms that accompanied these piss samples.  My co-worker's initial e-mail to her should have had images of those forms attached, but sure, I could send them again.

That was in the morning.  In the afternoon, my co-worker forwarded another e-mail from this same person with this employer asking again for copies of these forms.  I thought I had already done so, so I don't know what the problem was.  I then checked another piece of software we use, one that tracks all forms of communication we all need to mark in order to leave a trail of what our company has done to resolve any issue that crops up with our clients.  Anyway, my entry that I e-mailed the employer copies of these forms were followed up by ... e-mails from another department noting that they e-mailed this person copies of these forms.

Why?  Then I read the note this other co-worker left: I had e-mailed the forms not to this person with the company, but to my department.  In other words, I e-mailed the copies of these forms to myself.  And then I realized that I all did when my co-worker forwarded that e-mail request to me was hit reply all ... meaning that because she sent that e-mail to me, when I replied all, I was only replying to myself.  I'm thinking on this now, and I don't know how I sent it to myself, but the bottom line is I didn't send it to the person who asked for it, and ever since I realized that, up to and including this very moment, I think I just made the dumbest fucking mistake I have ever made.

I'm still defensive about this.  I still don't know why this person didn't get the images of these forms when my co-worker first asked her.  And besides, I've never had a request like that the day after my co-worker asked for an account number.  I've got shit thrown on my lap, and sometimes I feel like I'm playing catch-up and this is something I missed, you know?.  If I had been in The Fourth Department all week, would I have fucked up like this?  I don't think so!

But what really pisses me off is this trail marked by this other person with my company.  I don't want people to know that I e-mailed myself.  That's pretty goddamn embarrassing.  But when I open up the record of how we tracked down the account for these samples, there's that note there -- "Client once again e-mailed asking for forms because Unforgivable Wetness e-mailed those images to himself."  And I can't erase that, ever, because I'd get into even more trouble trying to cover up this fuck-up.  Motherfucking Christ, I hope I don't hear another word of this bullshit.

Gonna Catch Hell At Work Again. Gonna Lose It

Thought that given the decrease in work coming in and the increasing number of times the people working at The Main Department have been allowed to leave early, I thought yesterday/Tuesday could be a day where I could leave early and talk to my psychotherapist early.  Nuh-uh.  Every one of us was late getting out of work -- me by only 15 minutes, but everyone else by 45.  There was a slight uptick in the number of forms that came in, but I say it's mostly due to the fact that we didn't all those forms until late, and that the software we use to key information into our database got so slow and buggy that it froze, no joke, up to three dozen times over the course of the day.

But the paranoiac in me thinks that I will be blamed for the time overrun.  I was scanning these forms in, and I am, shall we say, methodical.  OK, I could be described as slow.  And I wonder if people in that department wonder if they could have left on time if not for my supposed slow-pokiness.  I did my best, but this might be a case where my best isn't good enough.

That's important to note if any accusations get run up to my boss.  See, I'm in The Fourth Department from today/Wednesday through the end of the week, and I know I will be faced with going over again.  I'm already about 20 minutes on the plus side.  It's inevitable that I stay late at least one of the next three days, thus getting over 40 hours for the week.  I'm not going to go out of my way to leave early; I know what I'm doing back there, and I think how I'm doing the job is right.  But that means the eventual and inevitable, "What the hell are you doing staying late again?!" e-mail from my boss, and frankly, I have had it.  I'm pretty sure I'll get crap for saying late the first two days of the week, so I'm dreading the worst.  And I am in such a bad mood anticipating these accusations that I might just blurt something out that I will regret after I say it.  I'm still looking for another job, but for now, I still have this one -- and I still need it.  But I swear, if my boss gives me any grief about staying late again, I think I will lose it.

You Know, They Might All Be Ignoring Me

So ever since I completed those assessments and got an offer via voicemail and text, I have heard nothing from this temp agency.  Not a thing.  I've tried calling them, but here's the thing: I get a receptionist, they put me on hold, I am on hold for a couple or few minutes, then I get returned to the receptionist, who says, "Oh, she must be in a meeting.  Do you want to leave a voicemail?"  I say yes, I do leave said VM ... and that's it.

I have reached out this temp agency, I think, four times since my last communique from them, and I can only repeat this cycle.  I don't know what the deal is.  Why are they freezing me out?  I probably didn't do well on the Excel assessment, but I didn't do well the last time I took it (which was at least six years ago), and that didn't stop them from reaching out to me for gigs.  Are my demands (that I find a full-time job right off the bat and that it pays significantly more than I'm getting paid now) so, uh, demanding that they see no use in talking to me?  Am I too old?  Do they think I'm not taking this seriously?

I stopped using this agency only because I was looking for a full-time job.  I didn't leave on bad terms, unlike that other temp agency that I, for some dumb reason, reached out to, and I won't do that again (probably).  So why won't they return my calls?  I need a safety net if I continue to get crap from my boss, and I think I will because I'll be in The Fourth Department the back half of this week.  I don't get it. ...

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Timberwolves (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Phoenix was one problem; Denver, the defending NBA champions with Nikola Jokic, presumably in line for a second MVP trophy and currently possibly The Best Basketball Player In The World, is another.  Despite dispatching the Wolves in five Games in the First Round in last Year's playoffs, many people have stated on the record that the Nuggets believed Minnesota was the opponent that gave them the most fits on their way to the title.  Would the rematch live up to the hype?

I would be OK with the Timberwolves losing the series.  It did come down to the final Game of the regular season, so the gap between first and third is so razor-thin that it doesn't say much at all about how the top three teams in West compare with each other.  But it is the defending champs, after all ... which makes what the Timberwolves did, namely going into The Mile High City and taking Game 1 of their second-round series by a score of 106-99.  They trailed to start the Second Half, but behind Anthony Edwards's 43 Points (he's getting more comparisons to, egad, Michael Jordan), they were able to tie and finally push ahead of the Nuggets for good in the middle of the Fourth Quarter where, as Ant suffered from foul trouble, Sixth Man Of The Year Naz Reid scored 14 of his 16 Points in that final frame.  Meanwhile, even though Jokic, Jamal Murray and Michael Porter, Jr. all got theirs, the Timberwolves managed to erase any scoring production by the other two starters, Aaron Gordon (nine Points) and Kentavious Caldwell-Pope (six Points).  Once again, the Timberwolves bench is providing the Defense that is stymying the other teams' role players.  That was a key factor in sweeping the Suns, and it was a big reason why Minnesota took Game 1.

Game 2 is tonight/Monday night.  The great thing about their effort on Saturday night was that it is replicatible.  The Wolves haven't lost yet in the postseason.  Dare I say it; could they sweep the Nuggets, too??

#0: United FC (Last Week: -1).  Yeah, I'm a bit excited about the Loons now, forgive me.  But they've now won three in a row after going into fellow classmate Atlanta and beating the Five Stripes, 2-1.  Kervin Arriaga got MNUFC on the board first off, you guessed it, a Corner Kick, and man, being able to score off of set pieces is going to pay huge dividends for this XI going forward.  Then, six mere Minutes later, Tani Oluwaseyi shot a worm-burning bomb from outside the box for the Game-winner.  Selecting this Nigerian-Canadian out of St. John's in the 2022 Major League Soccer SuperDraft has the makings of a huge hit.  We could be talking about Rookie Of The Year.

While United FC sit one Point behind Real Salt Lake for the lead in The Western Conference, by Points Per Game they are tied for best overall with, of all squads, Inter Miami.  And their 6-2-2 start for 20 Points is their best-ever ten-Match start to an MLS season ever.  Since there is still an odd number of teams in the league, it is MNUFC's bye next weekend; they get back to action Wednesday the 15th as they will play two Matches that screening Week.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: 0).  The winning streak had to end some time, right?  So it ended at twelve yesterday/Sunday afternoon, 9-2 to Boston at Target Field.  So what?  They went from falling down a well in fourth place in the American League Central to being tied with Kansas City for second place and being only 2 1/2 Games out.  That completely righted the ship.  Now, can they continue their winning ways as they host Seattle for four Games starting tonight/Monday night and then visiting Toronto over the weekend for a trio?

#-2: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  I should say something about the WNBA Draft, which occurred than a Week ago.  The Lynx, drafting eighth, took in the First Round Alissa Pili, who was all over the mock draft boards.  She can score a ton.  Problem is she ain't a defensive stalwart, and this club needs that.  Cheryl Reeve is a defensive maven, and the hope is she can instill some want-to into the Forward when the team doesn't have the ball.

One other thing.  There has been some notoriety of a fan who was at Friday's preseason Game between the Lynx and The Chicago Sky at Target Center.  Many fans assumed that contest was going to be broadcast on the app WNBA League Pass, but due to some miscommunication, turns out it wasn't.  So this person just held up her phone from half-court (she was several rows up, I think) and livestreamed the whole Game, right then and there.  Genius, and it does show the WNBA needs to get its shit together (why they haven't hired broadcasters to call all preseason Games is a fail).  Two things.  First, while I wouldn't arrest her or anything, what this fan did technically is illegal.  I think the WNBA knows it would catch hell if it enforced that "illegal dissemination" policy on this person.  Second, most of the talk on X is how no one would want to show this Game -- because it was going to feature Rookie Angel Reese.  Isn't it possible that people would want to watch this Game online not just for the pretty Bayou Barbie playing for the road team?  Hell, the Sky drafted Kamilla Cardoso too, and she just won a title with South Carolina.  I think the person who livestreamed this is a Lynx fan; wouldn't people who caught her livestream want to see how Pili is doing?

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  Lost two-of-three at home to Nebraska -- just like the softballers, who also hosted the 'Huskers.  Did Nebraska provide one plane and one flight for both teams?  Anyway, the baseballers now fall to 21-21 for the season.  John Anderson's final home regular season series as Head Coach of the University of Minnesota baseball team comes this weekend as they host Michigan St. in a three-Game series concluding on Mother's Day.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  It is unfortunate that this program fell apart right at the end of the regular season with so much on the line.  Holding onto the fourth seed in the Big Ten, which means they would be in line for a bye for the conference tournament, their final series was against Nebraska, who were in fifth place behind the U.  This three-Game set was also at Cowles Stadium.  And sadly, the Cornhuskers took the Friday and Saturday tilts, thus taking fourth place away from the Goofers.

The softballers now have to play four, not three, Games to win the tourney title.  They will begin play vs. 12th-seeded Illinois Wednesday afternoon.  (Side note: This tournament is being hosted by Iowa, who, by the way, lost to Minnesota on Monday.  Only the top twelve teams in the regular season standings make it to the B1G tournament.  And ironically, the host Hawkeyes are one of the two teams not to make it, alongside Michigan St.  Attendance might be in the shitter.)  And by the way, win they probably must: According to D1 Softball bracketologist Eric Lopez, the U. won't even sniff the NCAA tournament with its current resume; Nebraska and Ohio St., both of whom Lopez has on the outside looking in, still have better cases to make than Minnesota.  So it's tourney or bust.

How's The Nasal Irrigation? Tasty!

Yeah, my fear about shooting water up my nose -- that it'll go down my throat and I'll drink it -- has now happened twice in as many nights, even though I am following the instructions to a T.  Not only have I tasted the salty solution (as well as the snot the solution has cleared off my nasal passages), but I think it somehow came up through my ear canals.  I'm serious!  I felt it!

I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.  It's just that, try as I might, I can't close my upper esophageal sphincter in time or strongly enough to prevent me from drinking this crap.  And so I have drank it.  And it's nasty.

(sigh)

No, I Won't Eat Shrimp Tails

I've been told all my life by my folks that the ends of shrimp tails can be eaten.  Never wanted to because ... dammit, they're shrimp tails!  They're nasty!  It's like eating chicken bones: Sure, you can eat them, but why??

My parents have been cooking up shrimp lately and they've been bitching at me about me leaving off the tails after dinner.  They weren't saying anything about it, however, until I helped to clean up the dinner table one night.  I took my placemat, which was just a newspaper, and reached over to Mother who had a dish that I was going to pick up.  I lurched over too fast, however, and one of the damn tails spilled out onto the dish, to which Mother cried to Father, "Oh, look!  He's not eating the shrimp tails!"  And that's why, after I tried sneaking a tail underneath my plate just now, he said, "Oh no, you should eat the tail!"

I don't want to disobey my parents because one day they'll be dead.  But maybe I just won't eat shrimp at all.

Goddamn Pothole!!!

Last/Friday night I went out after dinner just because my parents were fighting extremely loudly.  I hadn't heard that scream at each other like that since they both got home.  I had to leave, just to get away from that bullshit, even though I was scared I would come back home (after only 20 minutes) to see police cars and yellow tape around the house, then Father staggering out the door holding Mother's head in his palms while crying.

Anyway, I took that occasion to drop off the check I had to pay for my almost-towed car, and then I decided to drive a bit to a gas station to pick up a bottle of Coke.  There are two ways to get back home from this gas station; instead of the side streets, I decide to pick it up a little and go on an on-ramp that gets me onto a road that has a higher speed limit.  Well, I drove on it once before, and I forgot that there is a pothole or a giant fucking grand canyon (one of the two) on this on-ramp because I just felt a huge drop and whomp! on the left side of my car.  In the morning (or afternoon) I'll have to check if my tires are still inflated.  It was that deep and disruptive.  And since this is the second time I've done this, I have to make sure not to take that route home again.

Partial side note: Nearly all the cars I have ever driven never felt smooth running over a pothole.  Maybe it's me, but I feel as though a good car would keep it steady as she goes while driving, always.

Going To A Party I Can't Afford To Go To

So I planned on taking this afternoon off from work because I wanted to make sure I used this month's Hooters coupon.  And then, it just so happened that I was invited to a stripper party.

I thought about not going, and then I thought about going, but I just checked my credit cards and I'm going to leave some over on both for this month, but I'm still going.  It's just a combination of being free this afternoon being a sign of some sort.  Also I owe the host some money.  And ... geez, I'm leaving a lot of money for the credit cards to build interest on for next month.  I really shouldn't go because I can't afford to.

Man, all this plus I missed the streak in Zynga Poker so I'm back down to Day 1/10%, and then I thought I had turned off my alarm because I woke up early enough but I didn't because ... I don't know ... goddammit, this all fucking sucks right now.

Hate This Escalation

All I want to definitively say about the protests going on on campuses around the country right now is that I believe there are outside agitators who are not protesting about what is happening in Gaza right now in good faith, and they want to just stir shit up.

I have just learned, however, that there has been, in my opinion, an escalation targeting The Media.  Student journalists on campuses to which they attend school have been doing yeoman's work in covering the scene and, especially, the militarized crackdown that have been going on this week.  But I have heard a case out in Los Angeles where counter-protestors have singled out -- and I repeat, singled out -- a single reporter who is trying to cover her campus.  I don't know why or toward what end that harassment is supposed to achieve, but (and I'm not going to list what happened here, but the lengths these people have targeted one specific reporter) it is really, really pissing me off.  The Media isn't perfect, but a fundamental aspect of journalism is documenting what is happening as things are happening.  To not allow reporters to do that by picking on them -- and it does matter to me that these are student reporters -- is, on a fundamental level, cruel and, if this is some sort of organized tactic, deeply disturbing.

This also takes me back to my decision to pursue journalism as a major.  I wanted to be a play-by-play guy, and I thought when I was going to college that I needed to be a journalist in order to do that.  I have realized way, way too late that commentators come from all walks of life.  A lot of them have day jobs, in fact.  Wish I had known that; I may have gone after a more lucrative degree instead.  However, I believe in facts and truth, and that it is worthwhile to chase after it.  Unfortunately, throughout my time in college, I have seen how difficult it is to pursue fact-chasing, true journalism, if there are people who don't want that truth to be known.  And it is has gotten readily apparent in recent, oh, decades that there are extreme lengths powerful people will take to keep the truth hidden, up to and including going after The Media itself.

I guess that is one of the major factors that lead me to not be a reporter, to be honest.  I don't know if I have the strength or the will to push back on those who hide the truth.  And I don't know if I would be afraid to do my job if I got harassed in the middle of a public protest like what happened in L.A.  No ... I have to take that back and be honest: I probably would be afraid, and I probably would back down.  And maybe, to tell the truth, that is why I'm not a journalist.

---

With that being said, I sometimes get tired of being this afraid, even if this is a hypothetical situation I have been removed from even thinking could be real once I got out of college.  See, there is this comment section for an article about the protests at the U. to which I really, really want to give my two cents, which has to do with protestors refusing to talk to reporters.  There is nothing brave about being a laptop cowboy giving a hot take.  But if I don't, I really feel as though I'm letting people in The Media down, and I want to do something in response to what I read happened last night in L.A.  This is courage to me, pathetic though it might be.

All I Wanted Was To Boil Some Fucking Hot Water!!!

So I was feeling sluggish after around lunchtime at work.  I powered through, but after napping in the evening, I realized my body felt like it had this huge build-up of lactic acid.  I remember feeling like this the night before I was supposed to work a Vikings Game, even though it felt much worse then because I really, really didn't think I could go to work the next day.  (I was able to get a power nap in that appeared to help my body fight off whatever I was feeling, and I was perfect, I think, the next day.)

I think one of the things that helped me fight off these, uh, shakes is that I drank hot water.  This lactic acid build-up feeling made me feel cold, and I think that part of my return to full strength was drinking hot water in order to, uh, get things moving in my digestive system.  (OK, I think I pooped a lot before getting that power nap in.)  Couldn't hurt to try it again.  And you know, as long as I am boiling water, I might as well irrigate my nostrils.  Oh yeah -- in case I haven't blog posted about this before, last summer I finally got to see an allergist who gave me this squeeze bottle (not a neti pot) in which I pour in boiled water, this saline solution and this, uh, liquid medicine.  I had used it twice before tonight.  It's a trip to shoot liquid up one nostril, feel it traverse into the other nasal canal, then feel that crap tumble out of your nose and into the sink -- all while hoping to God that you don't swallow that stuff, ick.  I've gotten used to it, I guess, although I will go out on a limb and say it kind of feels like waterboarding.

Anyway, I grabbed the teapot, filled it with tap water, and turned on the stove.  I remember that when I emptied the hot water into the Pyrex measuring cup the first time, I tipped it over so much that the lid from the tea kettle fell over.  I wasn't going to do that again, so just before I was going to empty the whole teapot, I took off the lid.  I totally didn't expect there to be condensation on the underside of the lid ... and that scalding hot water dripped onto the fingers of my right hand.  Dammit!!!

I ran my fingers under the sink, then put my right hand on a few ice cube trays.  (Won't tell my parents I touched them, but don't worry, I had showered just before this, so my hands are clean!!!)  What frightens me is that after I iced my fingers, the pain and heat just seemed to radiate back up to the surface of my fingers.  I still feel them right now, even though it's much less painful and, at least for now, there are no blisters.  But I have to cut open packages at work today/Wednesday, and I'm scared to see how my hand is, and how I feel, once I wake up.  I took two Tylenol to deal with the pain; I might need to take another two in the morn.

Man, all I wanted was to drink hot water to get rid of this oogy feeling I have.  And now I burned my damn fingers.  Hate this, this is stupid.