Well, I'm still drinking way too much alcohol; drank a Bloody Mary for the second consecutive day.  But hey, at least ****e finally got back to me this morning.  It would've been too late anyway, but she said next weekend would be better.  And then she sexted me a picture of herself in a dress with convenient holes, shall we say.

So, next weekend is it.  But I have this nagging feeling she'll change her mind, damn it.

I'm A Desperate, Horny, Forgetful Goddamn Lush

So I'm starting this blog post at a quarter to 4 in the morning.  I'm doing what I want to do over an extended holiday -- staying up, surfing the Internet, listening to music (this time terrestrial radio on my boombox).  But my cellphone is plugged into my power bank.  The fuckin' thing is pissing away energy.  I juiced it up to 80% last nigh, then unplugged it like you're supposed to, but then within, oh, half an hour of active doomscrolling, it couldn't even hold its charge for that long.  When it dipped to 76%, I plugged it in again, hoping I would unplug it once it reached 80% again.  But I knew there was a chance I'd be distracted by looking at my laptop, and of course I did.  It soared well past 80%, which I hear is bad for my phone (even though it's already in not-great shape).  At this point, if it's already past 80%, I might as well charge it all the way so I can delay when I need to charge it up again.

That's the forgetfulness I hate about me that reared its ugly head over the past 24 hours.  This past evening I made myself a cocktail, a margarita featuring juice from a lime that I bought over a week ago that may or may not have spoiled.  I drink too much already, so I'm trying to hew to the "1-2-3" rule Dr. Vivek Murthy recommended in his last days as President Biden's Surgeon General.  The problem, I realized while drinking the margarita, is that that was my fourth drink of the day.  I started off with a bloody mary in the morning while watching the English Championship Play-Up Match (won by Hull over Middlesbrough in a 95the Minute Goal), then had a cider at the United FC Match, then had a beer with a Farina Rossa pizza after the Match at a craft brewery.  And this is on the heels of drinking three drinks Friday ... and two drinks Thursday ... and two (or was it three?) drinks Wednesday.  All I can say is, I drink a lot.

Oh, MNUFC has a program where you can drop off pop tops at their waste receptacles.  I have a pile of them, and I was going to bring them with to drop them off, but I forgot to put them into my cargo pants.  I didn't leave them in my cargo pants because, unlike my denim jeans, my cargo pants don't have that fifth "watch pocket," and I didn't like the feeling of those pop tops jangling around inside a big pocket on my cargos and potentially falling out if I'm sleeping in my car and put my legs parallel to the ground.  But all day yesterday I reminded myself to put those pop tops in my pants.  But I didn't.  Oh, and then I took out the pop top on my Wild State cider intending to deposit it ... and I fucking forget to do that, too.  I meant to be rid of these pop tops, and I wound up collecting more.  And even though there will be a MNUFC2 Match at Allianz Field in one Month, the Loons are off because of the World Cup for two Months.  Fuckin' great.

And all the while I've been trying to see if I can arrange a fuck session with ****e.  Earlier last week I texted her; no answer.  I texted her again, saying I am free either today or tomorrow; she just said, "ok."  She gets this way sometimes, minimally responsive and vague.  I asked for clarity while eating pizza and eating beer last night, but she has yet to respond.  I'm horny enough that I want to make booty texts to all of my stripper girlfriends (even though a lot of them are out of town this Memorial Weekend, dammit) so I can get some lovin' this long, lonely weekend.  But ... fuckin' A, ****e is the only one who'll let me inside her, so I gotta give her every chance to get back to me.  But what if she's on one of her episodes where she ghosts me?

This weekend is supposed to be fun.  In many ways, it is.  And I am seeking every which way to find the negative in all of this.  Maybe that's a sign that I should fix myself instead of just rationalizing my decadence and inattention as part of enjoying the long holiday.  Or, maybe I should just say fuck it all.

I Don't Believe Her

So my cousin, who I haven't seen in at least a quarter-century and whose son is going to medical school here, wanted to know when I was free, right?  I asked if I could get back to her in the middle of the week so I could figure things out.  Well, the soccer results being what they were, I texted her on Wednesday -- like she asked me to -- and I told her that besides Saturday and Sunday morning, I was totally free for the weekend.

Then, nothing.  Well, I hadn't heard from her until yesterday/Friday.  Since I moved up my speakeasy visit from last/Friday night to Wednesday, last/Friday night was free for me, and that's when the both of them would get into town, so I figured that if last/Friday night was the only time the two of them could see me, I should text again.  She got back to me ... and she said sorry, they're busy, they can't see me this time around.  Maybe closer to the beginning of school, when they come back, but not now.

Sorry, I don't buy it.  At all.  She reached out to me, out of the blue.  She then called me, enthusiastically, asking when we could meet.  All I asked for was a few days and then I would get back to her, which I did.  And then my cousin just says, basically, whoops, can't see you?  I don't understand the about face at all.

Sure, I'll be dark and conspiratorial.  Maybe she decided that me asking, oh so gently, for some space and time was a rejection to her.  She took that as a sign that I didn't want to see her at all, which is not true at all.  My only other theory is that Father talked/got to her.  He had some dumb fucking thoughts in his head that when I said I needed to get back to her later, I really meant that I didn't want to be bothered, and so he told her to lie and say that she and her son realized they were busy.  I can't think of what else it could be, because I don't believe her when she texted me that they're busy.

Honestly, this hurts.  She wanted to see me and now she doesn't?  I blocked out some time and moved around some things so I could spend an afternoon or evening or day with them.  She basically said to forget it.  Don't understand.

I can't do anything except wait until my cousin and cousin once removed supposedly come back late in the summer to see if they really want to see me.  If they do, and we meet up, great.  If not ... why in the hell did she even ask for my phone number?

Oh, by the way, because my Friday night was free, I went back to my original plan of greeting The Beginning Of Summer by going to my speakeasy.  Yes, it was the second time in three nights.  I can't quit the place, and after this emotional whiplash, I needed a couple drinks.

You know, the big drawback to going out all these days is my disincentive to brush my teeth.  Sure, I have plenty of time after I get home to do that, but I'm tired and there are other things I need to do.  For example, I got home from gorging myself at the Kickoff To Summer At The (Minnesota State) Fair, and I had to buy chocolates online, then I had to watch intently the last episode of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert, and then I had to blog post, so now I'm too tired and I have to go to bed!  When will I ever have the time to brush my teeth?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Once again I am struck by how turgid the Twinks have been playing but still having a not-implausible shot to reach the playoffs.  Amazing that a 4-3 screening Week doesn't sink a team, but these days it gosh darn well elevates them and gets them jobs.

I'm tired, so that's all I have to say.  Well, that and they travel to Boston for three at Fenway Park over the weekend, then they travel to Comiskey Park for four Games beginning on Memorial Afternoon.  Some people enjoy a baseball Game on a holiday.  Me, I think I want to just stay home and not even open my door.

#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  Olivia Miles can dish like no one's business.  But can she develop a jump shot?  And how is she on Defense?  Because although they gutted out a four-Point Win over The Bastard Detroit Shock in Dallas Thursday, the Wings followed it up with a defeat at home to Chicago.  While Miles may have solved the Lynx's Point Guard problem, they now have a frontcourt (or lack thereof) problem.

Host Toronto tonight/Friday night, then at Chicago Saturday afternoon, then home to Atlanta.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -5).  Lost to New England, 2-1, on a stupid, stupid pass to the Revolution that was slotted home for the winning score.  That means they're in a funk, going winless in their last three Matches.

Saturday afternoon they host Real Salt Lake (it was originally scheduled in the evening, but then James Rodriguez signed with the Loons and network TV quickly put MNUFC on as many of their windows as possible to maximize eyeballs ... little did the media stakeholders know that Rodriguez was going to leave the squad after just, oh several months at the helm) in the last regular season Game before MLS goes on almost a two-Month sabbatical.  

#-Infinity (tie): Timberwolves and Gopher baseball (Last Week, respectively: -3 and -4).  I'll say it: The Timberwolves' window is closed.  It is highly disappointing to see them go out like this, with three of the four Losses to San Antonio being blowouts, worst of all at home in the fatal Game 6.  The way they went out is highly disappointing, and it has to say something about the construction of the roster, namely 1) they miss Donte Divincenzo, even though I don't know if they would've won with him; 2) Rudy Gobert helps the Timberwolves defeat The Denver Nuggets and only The Denver Nuggets in the playoffs; and 3) Julius Randle was as cold this postseason as he was hot last postseason, but he'll be the fall guy because the team took a step back by being eliminated in The Western Conference Semifinals this Year.

But we can all see the reality: The squads the T-Wolves lost to in the last two playoffs, the Spurs and The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics, are the class of the NBA now, and Minnesota is not.  Blow it up?  Hate to be a nihilist, but I can't say no.  Winning a title is the only thing that matters, and unless the Wolves get super better (or San Antonio and Oklahoma City get hit with a rash of injuries in the same season), it'll be those teams for the next, oh, half-decade.  Minnesota will be a lot older in five years' time, so the only way they get better is to bite the bullet and trade for youth or the undervalued -- or shit, man, trade for anything that loosens up the constipated Offense.  And even that acknowledges that there will be no champions in the immediate horizon.  All I can think of is that in retrospect, the 2024 postseason was this club's champs.  Home-court advantage over a team three Seeds below and who had one guy (Kyrie Irving) basically playing on one leg -- and the Timberwolves lost???  Damn all of us to hell.

Oh, yeah, the Gopher baseballers.  The armageddon scenario happened: The Gophers get swept at Siebert in the final regular season Games of the year to a highly-skilled Nebraska team, and that pushed the U. below Michigan St. for the twelfth and final spot in The B1G Baseball Tournament.  Finishing on a five-Game losing streak doesn't make Ty McDevitt a bad Head Coach, but it doesn't make him a good one, either.  And since I am very tired, that is all I have to say about that.

Could my cousin want to visit home?  No, can't let her.  I'll say I'm too busy to arrange coming to the house, or I'll be running around all weekend and I can only see you someplace.  But shit, man, can't let her visit the house when it's like this.  That would be bullshit.

Need to make sure I keep her far away from the house.  Maybe I'll lie to keep her from even bringing it up.

I've Given Up And Am Going Out A Lot This Week ... Again

So I've bitched often (though not in the past week like I thought) about "needing" to go out too many evenings in the week.  Man, sometimes I just want to go home from work and fucking stay there.

I was trying to reach some equilibrium with that this week, especially since it's a holiday weekend and you're supposed to just veg out.  But I had to chuck that all out the window.  First it's because of my cousin and her son.  She said that Friday might work, but that's The Official Start Of Summer, and I had plans to go to my speakeasy and ease into this Endless Summer by drinking.  Saturday could work, too, but United FC has a Match in the afternoon, I wanted to relax with pizza and a beer afterwards, and there is the possibility of the English Championship Play-Up Match that morning (I say possibility because as I type this, there is a hearing to determine whether Southampton, one of the teams playing, should be kicked out for spying on Middlesbrough, the club it beat more than a week ago to reach the Final).  Sunday and Monday are a lot freer, but I was hoping to fuck ****e one of those days and stay in the other, and I want to do both so badly that I consider seeing my cousin one of those days, as convenient that it might be, a frustrating spanner in the works.  I don't want to say I would rather not see my cousin, but ...

I'm getting over myself.  For one thing, all this soccer watching is still up in the air; Sunday, for example, is Decision Day in the EPL.  If Tottenham Hotspur is still in jeopardy of being relegated, I'm going out to watch it at a pub that morning, and in that case I probably won't have any time to myself at home this weekend.  Still, I'm looking for some solace, and I have to look to the workweek for that, too.  My plan during the workweek was to go out last/Monday night because I had a gas coupon that was going to expire, so I might as well work on my receipts and eat out.  Tonight/Tuesday night and tomorrow/Wednesday night I would stay in, finally.  Thursday I would, for the first time ever, go out to the State Fair, which now opens for Memorial Weekend.  Then Friday's the speakeasy.

That was all shot to hell when I came home from work last/Monday night.  Taped onto my screen door was a notice from the city.  They're doing something with the main sewer line tomorrow/Wednesday.  Between 8 in the morning and 8 in the evening, I am not supposed to use any water at all in the house.  Well, fuck.  I might as well not go home after work.  So, what to do?  How about go to the speakeasy then?  I don't want to "celebrate" summer two days early, but frankly, it makes a lot of sense to just do this tomorrow/Wednesday night.  Not only would I give the city time to not mess up the house's sewer system, going out (instead of staying in) tomorrow/Wednesday night frees up Friday night for me to hang with my cousin and cousin once removed.  Looking at it that way, a lot of problems get solved.

So I'm being a social butterfly again.  Yippee ... ?

(Aside: I am working the early shift at work today/Tuesday.  I should be in bed instead of blog posting this.  Anyway, if I get done with work early, well, it would theoretically allow me to go exercise at a decent hour in the evening.  Yeah, golly, I can do that.  But on that announcement by the city, I am supposed to pour water down all my drains in anticipation of this sewer line cut tomorrow/Wednesday.  It may not take up a whole lot of time, but if I'm doing that, I might as well do other chores ... like go through my stuff, finally.  Yeah, I need to get in shape, but if I really want to go home -- well, I should just do this, huh?  Might as well salvage one night to do nothing.)

They're Coming Home Because They Think I Should House The Cousin I Haven't Heard From In Decades

This was going to be a more expansive blog post because my cousin isn't the only person who has reached out to me and wants to see me.  But things had to take a scary bad turn for me, and that's because of my goddamn parents' meddling, again.

I have learned to check the spam texts the hard way.  I lost out on a gig I applied for because the person hiring for the crew texted me, and since this number was not from a trusted contact, it went into the spam folder.  Curiosity was the only reason I checked that folder, and I saw it months after this person offered the gig to me.  What an embarrassment ... and that company hasn't hired me since.  And yet I still go to their hiring board.  I applied for something a couple weeks ago.  And I am checking the spam folder just in case they give me another chance.

Anyway, it was also in this spam folder where I saw a long text from my long-ago cousin to whom I haven't spoken in decades.  She is in town and wanted to catch up on old times.  I will be honest.  She is one of four sisters and brothers my brother and sister and I remember hanging out with from time to time when we were young.  I like this particular cousin the most even though that's based on guesses on what I remember back when we were kids.  The oldest of the four I have problems with; thing is, I don't remember if I ever got into a fight with her.  My memories of interacting with her enrage me now, but I really don't know if she thinks we don't get along.  I just don't want to see her again.

But I need to give family a chance, so I reached out ... as soon as I spoke to My Father, whom my cousin, or "cousin," said gave her my number.  I hadn't spoken to my parents pretty much for the past week, but I finally had reason to ring them up.  And yes, Father said my cousin is the real deal and so gave her my number.  OK, this is not catfishing.  We spoke -- can't say I was over-enthused on catching up, but I want to see if I could see her over the holiday weekend.  We promised to compare schedules the middle of the week.

With that matter kicked down the street, I went to Art-A-Whirl's last day.  And while I was minding my own business, trying to give myself some grace and be a part of a community that I love, I feel a buzzing on my ass.  Father called again.  I took the call while wandering around an art studio.  I should have known they would have called again demanding that I be more "hospitable."  They asked me to ask my cousin if she needed to borrow my car.  She already told me that she and her son (he'll be studying in town for the next several years) have gotten a rental.  They then fucking asked me to open up the house to them.  I told them my cousin and cousin once removed already got a hotel.  I completely fucking lied; I'm pretty sure they have, but I don't know that.  What I do know is that there is no goddamn way in hell I am going to let them stay here if I can help it.  No offense, but fuck no.

The call ended; I don't think My Fucking Parents heard the combination of rage and fear in my voice at the end of the call.  But I kept thinking about them while I was doing my personal art crawl.  Also, I remember that goddamn time they surprised me by coming home and not telling me.  So goddamn scarring; I'll never forgive them for doing that to me.  I know that they suspect that I don't keep the house clean while they're gone.

So that leads me to one conclusion: They're coming home.  They might not tell me.  They might.  But they're coming home.  They think I am so unable to be a good host for family that they will fucking pay the obscene amount a plane ticket costs these days and come home to see if I have cleaned up the house.  By the way, they insisted that I gave them my cousin's phone number, even though I think they already have it.  I can totally believe that My Fucking Parents insisted, if not demanded, my cousin cancel their hotel and car so we can give them housing and transportation.  Fucking weirdos.

I can imagine them booking plane tickets online right now.  Fuckin' A.  The house is a mess, just like I wanted to.  And I need to clean it up in five fucking days to impress one person I haven't seen in decades and another person I didn't know existed until yesterday?  Fuck that shit.  I'm too tired to clean, and I'm too busy to care.  And that's how My Fucking Parents will screw me again.  All because oh-oh-oh, I need to be good hosts for family!!!  I'll bring shame to them if I don't!!!

Fucking hate my parents.

They Stay The Same Age. But Me Getting Older Might Be A Problem After All

So after work last/Saturday night I went to this roast beef place just south of my company.  I was on my way to the Black Hart to see MNUFC play (and lose -- goddamn, what a fucking shit pass to give up the Game-winner).  I really, really wanted to see The Preakness Stakes, but because I decided to stay a bit over to grab even more overtime, I thought I resigned myself that I probably wouldn't make it to the Black Hart to see the race, especially since I had my heart set on getting this place's legendarily good roast beef after work last/Saturday night because it will be the only time in the foreseeable future 1) it would be on my way to doing other things and 2) I would naturally be hungry right after work.

I get there and the cashier taking my order is a beaut.  Fuck yeah, she is gorgeous.  But young.  I think, and hope, not teenager young, but she could not have graduated from college.  Seeing a hot young woman speaking to you, even only because she has to, brightens my day, so I order a roast beef sandwich cheerfully.  And what do you know -- this restaurant actually has a TV.  (I've been to this place before, but it's been years since the last time, so maybe they didn't have a TV then.)  I could relax and let go of my stress because I could see the horse race after all (well, the reception was poor, but at least I saw Napoleon Solo outrace the other horses at the stretch run without the feed cutting out).  I had an excuse to talk to this babe again; this time, I requested the TV be turned on to the Preakness, and because I had a reason to stay beyond eating my sandwich, I ordered french fries too, which I had planned to order until I decided to stay late at work and calculated that even though I couldn't catch the race in time, I should still make an effort to get to the Black Hart as quickly as possible ... which makes no sense now that I typed out that thought.

Anyway ... have no complaints with her service.  In fact, when I ordered fries, she just skipped past the tip screen, which I guess means she likes me ... ?  But it's not as if I could chat her up or anything.  She served me my roast beef and fries, and that was it when it came to interaction.

Still, she is fucking hot.  And as I finally left after eating and watching the race, it just so happened that three young women entered and immediately began speaking to that cashier.  They obviously are friends with the cashier from school who dropped by to chat or eat or both.  They were fucking hot, and unlike the cashier, who had to dress for work, these friends dressed for the hot weather we had and, well, dressed like young women, with their goddamn boner-inducing midriffs hanging out and shit.  If I didn't have to go -- and if I were younger and less savvy -- I would sit down and steal looks at these three babes.

And then I realized that it was most important for me at that time to go because I had plans.  I can say that my younger self would've dropped everything I would've done because ogling these chicks would be an urge I could not get over.  And beyond that, the age gap was so apparent as to be instinctive.  Even if I could assume these women were of college age, they still would be less than half my age.  Could I even think to have small talk with them?  What would we even talk about?  TikTok?  The new Olivia Rodrigo album?  What they're studying?  Finally, from the quick glance I took of the faces and bodies of these three hotties (do people say "hotties" anymore, or am I cringe saying that?) I think ... well, that they all look the same -- with each other, and with the cashier they said hi to.  Maybe if I sat and looked at them for a longer, creepier period of time, I can discern distinct differences.  I mean, they can't be quadruplets.  But am I wrong to think that all young women these days look alike?  I don't think I can say yes, but I'm going to stick to my guns and not say no.

Not going to lie; if I were a lot younger, I would be masturbating to the memory of these four babes.  That feels ... wrong now.  So maybe Matthew McConaughey was also wrong in Dazed And Confused -- even though what his character is saying would now be construed as Trump Disease:

Working Five Days, Being Paid For Eight!!!

Damn, I am racking up the overtime this week.  There always seems to be work that takes me past eight hours.  But the combination of extra work in all the positions I work, plus being asked to stay late to do data entry, plus one of my co-workers taking this week off, meant that there was a ton of work I had, and could, do -- and I did it.

I have one huge incentive to work as much as I can this week.  My co-worker?  She works Saturdays. The company is really hurting if people don't work on the weekends, so a couple months ago, my boss asked if I could work today in her place -- and OT was available.  I leapt at that chance with the quickness.  Guaranteed time-and-a-half two months before it happens?  That helps me plan ... and anticipate!

And once work made me stay just over ten hours Tuesday and Wednesday, I could envision a scenario where I would work ten hours Thursday and yesterday/Friday.  Even though I worked only and exactly eight hours Monday, staying an extra two hours each day of the rest of my normal workweek meant that I would have worked in extra eight hours by the end of yesterday/Friday.  I would have worked only five days, but 48 hours.  Now, add in today/Saturday.  I might be able to stay for OT, but actually, I want to leave in time to grab dinner and then watch The Preakness and then the MNUFC Match.  But even if I stay just eight hours today/Saturday, that means I would have worked over 56 hours this week.  That's an extra 16 hours of overtime, and at time-and-a-half, that means I would be paid the equivalent of 24 bonus hours this week!  I am working six days, but working the equivalent of seven days, and then getting paid the equivalent of eight days!!!

This doesn't beat the week I worked more than 80 hours wondering if I could get double time after I reached that point.  (In case I didn't blog post that, I didn't.)  But I don't remember the last time I worked so much in a week since then.  And I need every single bonus penny I can get from the overtime.  Gas is expensive now!!!

Eating Out Of Order

By that I mean that, pretty much all my life, once I eat something I consider light or dessert, that's the last thing I'll eat that night.  I've just never thought I could, or at least should, eat anything else, and especially anything that would be polar opposite of that light snack or that dessert.  It just shouldn't be done -- else there would be chaos.

I have breached my rule the last two nights, and I feel bad about it.  Wednesday night, after suffering through a lethargic Loons Loss, I went home and ate several Girl Scout Cookies.  But I had to stay up to do the WMNSS.  While going through it, I felt my body telling me to go to bed immediately.  However, I had to stay awake to finish the survey, and I then developed this hunger for the deli meat I had in the fridge.  So, even though I ate dessert (the Girl Scout Cookies), I went into the fridge and and pulled out one piece of ham and one piece of roast beef and wolfed both down.  And they hit the spot, ngl.

Last/Thursday night, after a long and stressful night at work, I went home, downed a snack pack of Chex Mix, then made myself a peanut butter-and-jelly sandwich, which was the only thing I was planning to eat for the night (and I was going to chase it with what turns out to be the remaining amount of milk I have).  But dammit, I got hungry, and so I finally ripped into one of the two pizza Lunchables I bought from the discount store close by me.  It was time I tried these for the first time; when I was young I was obsessed with the original Lunchables, where I would stack the cracker, meat and cheese in different orders.  But pizza?  Never had it till just this past evening, and though I wouldn't say it was the best pizza I've ever had, I didn't mind it at all.  I just feel weird, and wrong, to eat pizza after I ate a PB&J, which I consider both a light snack and, in some frames of mind, dessert.  Can I break free from my wrong order-eating sins tonight/Friday night?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -3).  My fucking God, what a miserable sports week it's been for Minnesota.  So bad, in fact, that after looking at all the records, it is the fucking Twinks, of which I saw a highlight of one Twinks Pitcher (don't remember who) airmailing a pickoff throw to Second Base, has to be the best team this screening Week.  Sad, really.  But they went 3-3, and those three Wins came in consecutive Games Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday, the first two of which gave them the series Win over Division-leading Cleveland.  They're still in a three-way tie with Kansas City and Detroit for third, or last.  But this Week, that's enough to climb to the top.

They finish their series at home versus Miami this/Thursday afternoon.  They then host The Bastard Seattle Pilots thrice over the weekend and Houston for a trio beginning on Monday, completing a nine-Game homestand.

#-2: Lynx (NEW SEASON!!).  So they Lynx, who've lost half their team and is without superstar Napheesa Collier until June due to double ankle surgery, began their season Saturday night at home vs. Atlanta.  First Round Draft pick Olivia Miles is the wizard many thought she would become.  There were five or six passes she made that seemed to materialize out of nowhere.  She may be a keeper.

Unfortunately, Miles doesn't yet have a jumpshot.  Also, the reason I hated the Lynx drafting her over Awa Fam (who went third to Seattle) is her unwillingness to play Defense, and besides the Steals she accumulated on the Dream, she was largely a door saloon.  Blowing a 15-Point Halftime lead to lose at the very end of the Game isn't solely her fault; after all, they went on the road and defeated Phoenix, the club that eliminated them last Year, for their first victory in 2026.  But I was at that Loss, and seeing the wheels slowly and then quickly fall off the team is something I begrudge whenever a local team blows a lead and eventually loses.  You might as well tank.

At The Bastard Detroit Shock tonight/Thursday night, hosting Chicago Sunday.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  Can't say I feel comfortable that the T-Wolves will somehow pull off the series Win over San Antonio.  Victor Wembanyama is growing into the alien form many are projected him to become.  And at many points this series, the Spurs have acted like they are the better team.  And yet, while the Wolves are down 3-2, they have tomorrow/Friday night's Game 6 at home to make this series go the distance.  It should be noted that in both of Minnesota's Wins, the margins of victory were two and five Points.  In two of three Spurs victories, San Antonio routed them by 38 and 29.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  Lost two-of-three at home to Michigan.  They actually mercy-ruled the Wolverines in Friday's opener, 13-1 in seven Innings.  But then they lost 9-8 Saturday and 8-5 Sunday.  So the Gophers are in a three-way tied for tenth place in the B1G.  The top twelves teams make it to the conference tournament (which, by the way, is configured in a way I've never seen before: The lowest eight Seeds play double-elimination with each other until four schools are bumped off.  The remaining four Seeds play the top four Seeds in a single-elimination knockout round that begins next Friday).  The only way the U. doesn't make it is if they lose all three Games this weekend and the team in 13th place, Michigan St., sweeps.  The chances of that nightmare scenario happening gets raised a bit once you learn that for their last Games of the regular season, they host 24th-ranked Nebraska this weekend.

#-5: United FC (Last Week: 0).  My fatigue is really setting in, so my grandiose essay about James Rodriguez will have to either wait or be forgotten.  But let me say I finally saw him on the Allianz Field pitch, and even though MLS still hasn't shed its reputation as the equivalent of a retirement home, seeing James make pinpoint passes no one else could see and thus prove he is one of the five best players in MLS doesn't get me up in arms.  The pair of Assists he dished out in the 2-all Draw Sunday vs. Austin at home were sublime.  Too bad he couldn't score in last/Wednesday night's droll affair versus Colorado.  The Loons got an xG of 1.50, but got shut out, 1-0.  Meanwhile, the Rapids accrued an xG of .45, and yet scored on a breakaway.  xG has always seemed to be sus.

At New England Saturday.  That's three Games over the course of a week.

#-Infinity: Wild (Last Week: -1).  I really don't want to give these assholes more oxygen than they can waste.  But with their backs against the wall and playing in an hostile environment, the Mild blew a 3-0 lead to The Bastard Quebec Nordiques and lost Game 5 and the series in Overtime, thus sending them to Cancun.  I'm just glad I was able to see a disaster (MNUFC's defeat) in person that served as a distraction from seeing a different collapse (the Mild) in real time.

What now?  Kirill Kaprizov's mammoth contract kicks in next season.  Quinn Hughes might be asked to be traded.  And the most promising roster in Wild history has fallen short, again.  Do you know the precise moment when the Wild were eliminated from postseason play?  Of course, it's Bill Guerin inviting dirty dumbfuck Kash Patel into the Team USA men's hockey locker room to get drunk on piss beer!  They were damned from that point on.

Is BBQ Supposed To Give You So Much Regret?

So last/Tuesday night after work (and after dropping off my property taxes), I went to this barbecue place relatively close by that I have heard a lot of good things about.  And I love BBQ, so I looked through reviews to see what people really liked -- and I tried pretty much all of the best recommendations, namely this place's pulled pork, ribs, brisket, and mac 'n' cheese.

It came in a relatively small tray.  I thought I would conquer it with ease.  In fact, all the items I bought were essentially half-orders, and looking at what I got, I regretted that I didn't go with full orders like I originally wanted.  Wow, was I wrong.  I finished up with the ribs, and the last two bones felt like climbing the sheer face of a mountain vertically.  After starting up just fine I hit a wall out of nowhere, and I can't help but think that the Unforgivable Wetness of 20 or even ten years ago would've wolfed all that down and ordered the same thing again.

No meat sweats, but even now I feel so logy, let alone fat.  All that meat felt good going down my throat, but now that all of that went through my stomach (and sure, my intestines, too), my tummy aches.  And I'm scared it's going to ache tomorrow.  How can I regret eating such good barbecue??

So Mother said I had to pay property taxes on the house, and they're due at the end of the week.  Also, because she's paranoid, she wants me to personally deliver the check to the receptionist at the county government building.  I would do that if I could get out of work in time.

Saw my schedule when I came to work yesterday/Monday.  The only time I get out of work early (and thus go into work early) is tomorrow/Wednesday ... and dammit, that's when I have to go to the United FC Match playing that evening.  Well of course I would be scheduled to leave work early on a day that I shouldn't.  I sure as hell won't schlep all the way up to the county building only to go back down, pass my workplace, and to the Match.  That's a lot of driving, and I am not going to drive everywhere, especially with gas as expensive as it is now, thanks, Trump.  Moreover, I wish I would've gotten my schedule before I left work on Friday.  Sometimes my boss is able to release the following week's schedule by then.  If she did, I could check back with her and ask to work an early shift on a day other than tomorrow/Wednesday.

Best thing I can do it push my workday tomorrow/Wednesday down a half-hour.  Assuming we'll be offered overtime to key, I could just flow from work to Allianz Field without worrying about excessive downtime, which is what I could be facing otherwise.

Oh, wait ... I'm talking about my property taxes, aren't I?  So yeah, I have no time to personally hand my check over to someone.  Best I can do is drive up there well after afternoon rush and drop my check off at a drop box.  Hope I can find this box.  And I hope Mother will understand, but she won't, so I'll lie about not handing the check over to a human being or something.

Dealing With Too Much E-Mail

I tried.  OK, I kind of didn't.  I had the occasional impulse to go through my e-mails and see which ones I wanted to read and which ones I could delete.  But once that urge went, it didn't, or hasn't come back for months, if not years.

At its worst, I had 100,000 unread e-mails unread in my main inbox.  Nearly all of them are political donation e-mails, and goddammit, I totally regret ever donating to those campaigns, though I'm mad mostly because my side lost.  But the donation e-mails haven't stopped.  There was a time I could go through every single e-mail that I got each and every day.  But once those donation e-mails hit my inbox, I couldn't.  So I thought I could let it go for one day ... except one day became two, and then it became a week, then a month, and then 100,000 unread e-mails.

What finally forced my hand several months ago was that Yahoo! Mail said I was bumping up against my storage limit.  Though theoretically I would eventually have to worry about the limit with all the non-political e-mails I still have in my inbox since Day One, it's all those fucking donation e-mails that have taken up all my storage space.  So, with the proverbial gun cocked and aimed at my head, I finally had the excuse to say fuck it, I'll just delete e-mails without looking at them.

But how to do that?  Going through individual e-mails to make sure they were political ones defeats the purpose of a mass delete, so I went with deleting by keyword.  But which one?  I wasn't feeling a sense of urgency.  But I knew, deep down, that I wanted to just get under this limit as quickly as possible, so I just wanted to find one keyword, zap all the e-mails with that keyword even if some innocent and non-political ones get swept up, and be done with it.

I profess I didn't think too long and hard over the one word I decided to use -- "donate."  It seemed to be the one word in every political e-mail I had.  After all, the point of those e-mails is to ask for money.  So I searched for "donate," clicked the all e-mails box, and deleted away.  Yahoo! Mail gives you a box with a final warning.  In this case, it told me that I was going to delete, say, 100 e-mails -- and then gives me the option of deleting, like, 10,000 more e-mails that also have the word "donate" somewhere in the body.  And I'm all, OK!  And Yahoo! Mail actually had to take a few minutes, but those 10,000 e-mails were gone ... and yet there were more even more e-mails in my inbox that had the keyword "donate" but weren't deleted yet.  So I had to go through this cycle two or three more times before it apparently found and killed off all the e-mails with "donate."

Got to be honest: I'm happy.  I was never going to go through the e-mails in the way my ideal self wanted to because I simply didn't have the time nor the inclination.  This massive kill-off is untidy and inaccurate, but it quickly got me down below the limit.  And I had bumped up against that limit a couple more times not too long after this first time, but I guess I had more e-mails with "donate," so zap! they went.  Finally, I'm under, and hopefully for good (so long as I get rid of the political e-mails that will infect my inbox after I die).  I know that I will be sentimental for e-mails that I really, really wanted to keep but unfortunately had "donate" somewhere in the body of that e-mail ... that is if and when I ever realize they're gone.  But I finally dealt with too much e-mail in a way that, if I were telling the truth to myself, I really like and wanted to do.

Can't Believe I'm Talking About The Jynx Game For The Third Time, But ...

... remind me to never buy a ticket to this team until they win a championship again.  I had a great seat, but then I had a great seat to see a chokejob up close.  Goddamn, I'm still so fucking mad.  Just glad af that the ticket was free.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Saturday, May 9:

• Let's go back to Wednesday, May 6 Thursday, May 7, when, before work, I went to the panaderia close to me and got, um, some pastry that was really good.  Also got a small mocha.  With tip (and rounding down because no more pennies), I paid: $12.
• That evening, after work, I went to the National Sports Center.  Minnesota United was holding a practice open only to season-ticket holders.  I was wondering if James Rodriguez was going to be there.  Didn't see him train, but near the end of the session, I saw him pop out for autographs.  And a horde of people, many of them holding either James Colombia jerseys, the flag of Colombia, or both, swarmed to him.  Really nice ... and apparently, if reports are correct, the last thing he will do in Loons-branded gear.  Anyway, there was a food truck there, KCM Eggroll.  Got a jumbo pork egg roll and a strawberry lemonade.  With tip it came out to: $18.
• Then, after that, I went to Chick-Fil-A to get my free nuggets after the Timberwolves eliminated The Denver Nuggets (get it?).  Got a watermelon hibiscus sunjoy, too.  But I charged all that to my credit card.  I was still hungry, and I hadn't been to Potbelly in a while, and it's right across the way from Chick-Fil-A, so I got a bowl of chili from Potbelly.  I was going to throw in a tip, but something got crossed up because the guy paid me my whole change without the tip.  I was going to round up to give a total of $8, but instead I only paid: $7.45.
• ETA at 1:40 a.m. on May 11 that on Wednesday the 6th I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) to see ******a, who had finally delivered on her promise to rub me down.  Unfortunately there weren't too many girls working the stripclub, so the amount of time she could be doing table dances for me was shortened, so I only got 16 from her.  Add that to cover, tips for ******a and two other strippers and security, and a drink for myself (with tip) and I spent: $186.
• Back on Saturday the 2nd I did my annual sojourn to Wings Financial to add money to my account in an effort to keep it active.  Threw in: $20.
• That evening, after watching MNUFC win on TV, I celebrated by going to Zantigo.  Now, I know it's not "real" Mexican food, and that notion has been reinforced by all the Mexican and Central and South American mom-and-pop shops in the area.  But in total those restaurants are a force, and now I'm scared that Zantigo will go the way of the nearby Subway and close.  So I went there and got a "double-stacked" (in Taco Bell terms) taco and some ancho fries.  Zantigo also rounds down, so instead of $7.87 I only had to pay: $7.85.
• We zip back to Sunday, April 26, when ***e* was in town.  Got a quick wank session in with her.  So glad to see her and her hand in person: $120.
• That afternoon I went to this combination antique store/coffeeshop that is right by my house.  If I didn't have to cross a busy street, I would walk there.  Funky place.  The antiques they sell include old Playboys at a dozen bucks apiece.  Didn't buy the mags; instead, I reconciled my monthly expense list there while eating a pesto sandwich with tomato soup as a dip, and I washed that down with an Italian soda.  With tip: $27.95.
• Saturday the 25th ... got a shave from the barbering school close to me.  This dude was much more professional than the previous one.  With tip: $14.
• MNUFC played in the afternoon.  Along the way I saw the local kids selling brownies.  Got one, and this time I did not get a smushed one; see below/earlier.  Cost: $1.
• Later that evening I went to Falling Knife Brewery to attend their Timberwolves outdoor watch party.  Good times, even if it was really crowded.  Saw a bit of the Wild Game before the Wolves started.  That Game was interrupted by Trump's second fake assassination at the start of the White House Correspondents Dinner.  When he came on to do his bullshit press conference, we booed until the brewery changed the channel from ABC to ESPN, where the rest of the Timberwolves' Win over Denver was airing.  Good times all around!  So the Potter's Pasties food truck was parked there, and I got a pastie.  With tip: $16.
• Also there was that woman I see sometimes at the Black Hart.  She sells homemade Mexican food -- tacos, burritos, etc.  Funny seeing her there.  But I like an entrepreneur, so I along with the pastie, I bought one burrito from her at a price of: $5.
• On Friday the 24th I was invited to a party that day (or the day before, can't remember).  I usually don't like doing that, but *****a was hosting it, and I hadn't gotten cranked from her in a long, long time.  Moreover, ****e* was going to be there, and I have seen her at many, many parties, but I have never gotten intimate with her even though I have always wanted to.  I finally arranged to be double-teamed by those two and it was as good as I had hoped.  We three bonded over being water signs, too!  Those two and cover ... wow, that's a lot of money ... came out to: $290.
• And later that evening I went to Bebe Zito for a late night burger and pop (and, well, Caffetto too, but I charged what I got there on my credit card).  With tip, that late dinner at Bebe Zito cost: $8.
• Tuesday, April 21 ... did I talk about the massage I finally got from ******a here on WAF yet?  Maybe I haven't, and maybe I won't.  Anyway, this was the day I finally got a massage from her.  Finally, after ... geez, maybe two decades, I got her to see me naked!  And she was good -- a 90-minute massage cost me: $150.
• On Monday the 20th I went to a stripper party *****y told me the day of.  I have said no to her so often that I felt like I finally needed to tell her yes.  Moreover, ****e was working, and I hadn't seen her in a long time, so I arranged them both to double-team me.  I quivered when I came -- quivered!!!  And man, that costs me a lot of money!  With cover: $320.
• Saturday, April 18: The neighbor kids were selling brownies on my way to the Loons Game.  Got a deformed one this time 'round.  Disappointing, but I figure they knew how to do business, unfortunately.  The brownie cost: $1.
• On Sunday the 12th I got wanked by ******e, who complained about Minnesota again and is planning to leave again.  HJ set me back: $120.
• I bid on this online auction for items from the now-closed institution SexWorld.  I got aced out on several things I wanted, like a few signs and a Shop-Vac.  But I won a hard hat!  It's not branded with SexWorld, rather the construction company that oversaw their renovation.  Yeah, the company just decided to, uh, leave a hard hat there, and it apparently stayed in the back all this time, and the owner made eight-plus bucks off of me so I could very tangentially own a piece of SexWorld.  Anyway, I had to go downtown on this day (and not at the SexWorld site but another place several blocks east) to pay and pick it up.  On my way back, I saw that the Rustica Bakery was open, and I figured I would stop and rest of my feet.  Purchased a chocolate croissant and a small lemonade.  They rounded down.  With tip this light snack was: $10.75.
• Finally, on Saturday, April 11, I went to the library to make copies of my tax forms, both for the state (I needed to make copies of my federal to send to the state) and for myself.  The county next to the one I live in gives everyone who either has their county's library card or has their library card from whatever county they live in linked to their system (like I do) gets five bucks' worth of copies and printouts each month.  (Up until maybe a couple months ago, it was five bucks a week.)  That saves me a lot of money, but I still had to make so many copies that I still needed to shell out money to get all the copies I needed made, even if it was only: $1.

Good through May 9.

Oh, and one more thing about the Lynx Game today/Saturday: I realized that since I went downtown to watch English soccer this morning, I am going downtown twice, which seems like a waste.  I guess I could rationalize it by noting I am going to two different areas of downtown, and I won't be crossing paths twice today, but still.  Maybe it couldn't be helped.  Nonetheless, it's quite weird.

Yeah, about tonight's/Saturday night's Lynx Game ... as always, I get up to two tickets, and as usual, I don't use one of them and go by myself because none of my friends are sports fans.  But I got yelled at by one of my friends, or "friends," when I posted about the other ticket I got for the Timberwolves playoff Game in which they eliminated Denver.  He wanted a direct message.  I'm thinking, "Bitch, I have to cater to your ass over everyone else I know?"  I guess I understand that people get busy, but the more I think about it, the more entitled he sounds.  The hell does he get off asking me for special treatment?

And yet I don't want this ticket to go to waste.  And finally, I want to DM him about this offer to see how grateful, or even normal, he will act if we sit next to each other to watch the Game.  I can't believe he'll behave like a dick who thinks he deserves to be waited on hand and foot.  But if he does, well, I'll have proof beyond doubt to never offer anything to him again.  So, should I do it?

More Doing Stuff

I had plans tomorrow/Saturday.  I would wake up early to watch the EPL downtown, then there is thing called Open Doors where many famous buildings open up their business sides to see how its guts look, and then I need to get a haircut, and then I would go home, have a shower, eat a frozen pizza, make myself a cocktail, and veg out.

But no!  My friend got a ticket to tomorrow/Saturday night's Lynx season opener.  I'm not feeling really good about this squad; they lost half their team, and Napheesa Collier got double ankle surgery and might not be back until June.  (The draft next year will be loaded, so I think they should tank and get into the lottery, but that's just me.)  So I've got a feeling they're going to lose to an ascending Atlanta Dream team.  But hey, this ticket is free, so the pizza can wait!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

I went to bed early last night, then I had work, then I saw MNUFC practice close to my house, then I had to talk to My Mother, who drained me of my will to live (naturally), and so I now have the time to do the WMNSS just less than an hour before the day turns.  I will do this quickly:

#0: United FC (Last Week: -4).  My good feelings for the Loons might be buoyed by the fact I saw this in a crowd, but I'm glad I did.  Saturday they were down in Columbus, 2-0, and they looked like a team that deserved to lose their third Match in a row.  But suddenly, they showed a resilience I haven't seen in these guys, or any local team for that matter, when they were in a bad deficit.  Three Minutes after the Crew scored their second, Kelvin Yeboah pulled one back.  Seven Minutes later, Yeboah scored again to tie.  Then eight Minutes after that, Anthony Markanich scored the Game-winner.  All three came on Set Pieces, by the way, so they shall be nicknamed Set Piece FC.

I can't remember the last time this XI came back to win after being down by more than one Goal, let alone on the road.  But if they can do that, they've got the moxie to never give up on any Game, and that's something I want to see from teams I'm rooting for.  Now, do they have the endurance now that they're coming up on playing three Matches in a calendar Week, beginning with a home date with Austin Sunday, followed by The Colorado Rapids at Allianz Field on Wednesday?

#-1 (tie): Timberwolves and Wild (Last Week, respectively: -1 and -1).  I thought about separating these conjoined twins because their respective Second Round series has been different.  The Wolves survived to pull off the upset of the Spurs in San Antonio in Game 1 on Monday, only to get the shit beaten out of them in Game 2 on Wednesday.  I'm very happy the T-Wolves have home-court advantage in the sport that parcels out the strongest home cookin', but I'm afraid that Game 2 reinforces the prediction most of us have, namely that San Antone would just run Minnesota out of the gym.  Might still happen, but that Game 1 Win allows us to dream.  A-Wooo!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, the Wild look cooked going down 0-2 to The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.  They're a fast, skilled-skating team ... kind of like what the Mild were in playoff seasons past.  Hey, I thought fast, skilled-skating teams usually get drilled in the postseason in favor of bruising, physical ones -- how come Colorado can run rings around Minnesota?  Still, this is hockey, and even though road teams are basically .500 (which means the Mild could get swept), I can feel as though Jesper Wallstedt can get his mind right and bring the series back even just by himself, and I don't need to provide evidence of that feeling beyond saying this is hockey.  Also, they beat The Bastard North Stars, and that means a fuckin' lot to me.

In the end, I couldn't separate the two.  This is the first year where both teams advanced past their respective First Rounds -- let alone on the same night, let alone at home.  They both tie last screening Week.  And if they both get eliminated, they'll end tied this screening Week.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  In their final series on the road, they won two-of-three at Penn St.  Will they reach the B1G Tournament?  I don't know, I'm not familiar with the format.  They host Michigan for three this weekend.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -3).  I had to re-check that the Twinks went 3-3 this Week because it felt like they went 3-333.  It's the fault of the Bullpen, who ain't worth shit right now and have piled on more chokejobs.  This organization is not giving any paying sports fans a reason to even be curious about how they're doing ... well, unless they want to see a shitshow in the late Innings.  And yet despite all of that, they're only 3 1/2 Games out of first in the AL Central (and yes, they are last in the Division).

#-Infinity: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  Finished the regular season losing two-of-three at Northwestern.  That put them 7-17 in The Big Ten ... which is good enough for twelth and a spot in the conference tournament ... where they lost to five-Seed Washington yesterday/Wednesday afternoon, 4-2, to end their season.  And I don't think there's an NIT or College Basketball Crown or anything like that.  Is Piper Ritter in danger of losing her job?

Hooters Ain't The Only One

I swear there has been a rash of restaurant closings this year that I lament.  They don't hurt as much as Hooters, of course.  And honestly, I have been trying to come up with a list, but can't think of too many.  I've already talked about the Taco Bell that was near me.  (By the way, nothing has gone in in its place yet.  Taco Bell disappeared, furnishings and signage and all, in a day, but that place has remained empty for weeks now.  The hell?)

The one that comes to mind right now is the local Subway.  When I was in high school, the place where it was, located at a strip mall not too far away from the high school, was the place to be, sad as it might seem now.  But it was dependable and good enough, and so that's where we all went (and for me, to get those stamps you lick and stick on those cards in order to get a free sub).

What the owners of that place more than several years ago was move to an even bigger place across the street.  That's investment, and I love that.  It was clean, and I was treated well every time I went there.  Unfortunately, it was empty too much of the time.  I wanted to go there more often, but there are so many other places to eat out, both in the fast food and the fancy lanes.  I tried to support them whenever I had the urge to, but it wasn't enough.  A few weeks ago, when I drove by during the day, I didn't see their "OPEN" light on and there was no car outside.  And maybe last week, all the Subway signage was taken down.  I feel sad because it feels as though the owner took a risk based on previous success, but whether it was the bigger size of the restaurant, the new location, something else, or all of the above, it, well, backfired.

And even though it's not my responsibility because I can't eat out every single day or else I'll go broke, I worry about the places I eat out at going under.  There's that speakeasy I haven't been to since March Madness.  It's expensive to go there, but I still want it to be around when I want to go there.  And there's a mom-and-pop panaderia close by me.  Their pastries and croissants and baked goods are fantastic, and the layout looks lush and wonderful, and I barely see anyone whenever I go there.  I hate to come across it one day and see it gone.  But again, I'm not made out of money.  What can I do?

I blame Trump.  Seriously, with all the shit he's done in order to line his pockets, I think it's sensible to blame his corrupt ass.

More Strainer Frustrations

So I blog posted about forgetting about putting in a strainer in the master shower for, like, a month or so.  Now, for the second time this year, as I was letting the washing machine wash my dirty clothes tonight/Monday night, I went downstairs once the machine was done to see the strainer dislodged from the drain.

Maybe I should remind you (I'm thinking I've blog posted about this before) that the drain coming from the washing machine isn't connecting to some drain pipe that automatically feeds down the main line and out of the house.  It's pointed right into the laundry room basin.  It's just pointed in there.  But, as I get occasionally reminded (especially these past two times this year), the force of the water coming out of the washing machine is enough to push the strainer, which is just sitting on top of the drain, off of the drain.

These two times I see the strainer popped out and just laying on the basin.  I also see wetness around the main drain on the floor.  If there is not anything holding back the water in the basin, there's so much water flowing through the pipe leading out of the house that it backs up, and to relieve pressure, it rises up through the cover on the floor's drain.  Hate when that happens.

And the thing is, when I was getting the clothes washed last/Monday night, I thought about checking in the middle of the wash to make sure the drain didn't dislodge like that.  But I was too busy zoning out on my laptop and TV.  If I had gone down there, I might have been able to put the strainer back in its place -- not in time, but possibly with enough time (if that makes any sense) that all the clumps of lint and fuzz wouldn't have gone into the drain and through the pipe.  I now have these unrelenting thoughts that the septic tank is backed up with all the crap that would've been trapped by the strainer, and I hate that I wouldn't pry my eyes from the two screens I had on and go downstairs to prevent that from happening.  Dammit, I hate myself right now.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2026

I've gotta admit that my enthusiasm for doing these monthly reviews has completely subsided now that the local Hooters has closed.  It's not as if the women I'm reviewing and jerking off to were working at MOA, but I had this ... well, irrational and vicarious feeling that they could.  Now that the closest Hooters is in, I think, Iowa, the servers in this calendar are just pictures to me.  There was literally no chance that I would meet any of these hot babes in person before, but now that there is no Hooters at the Megamall anymore, there is absolutely no chance.

But soldier on I will till the end of 2026.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a trend that I don't like: The crop top.  I like crop tops so long as the Hooters waitress wearing it isn't wearing anything underneath.  This isn't porn, however, so of the five Hooters girls who are wearing bare-belly shirts, four of them obviously  are wearing bikini tops underneath, and I'll just go ahead and assume that the fifth is wearing one, too.  That is way too much clothing for my liking.

There are a dozen servers for this month, and I can point out four of them.

In fourth place is Maddie, out of Loveland, Colo.  Dark blonde wavy hair, she is sporting a two-piece yellow bikini.  She's got a nice figure, but the things that place her on this list are her smile and the fact that she's wearing a cowboy hat with the Hooters logo.  Yep, that's enough for me.

In third place is Alyssa, from Newark, Del.  Long black hair, she's wearing a two-piece that is light purple/lavender in the important spots and are connecting with lime green string.  She's smirking.  With her left hand she's tugging down at at the middle of her bikini top.  And with her right hand she's placing/fake-tugging the knot that's holding up her bikini bottom.  It's all intimation, but yep, that's also enough for me.

In second place is Taylor, hailing out of O'Hare, Ill.  (Not O'Hare Airport, but the city of O'Hare, which I didn't know until now is a city in Illinois.)  The brunette is wearing a patterned two-piece bikini.  While she's tugging at the middle of her top, she's pursing her lips, and honestly, what I like about her is that she gives off a tomboy vibe.  She certainly doesn't look like a Hooters girl.  That makes her more real, and more approachable.

Finally, in first place is Anna.  The server with very long black hair (it goes all the way down to her hips, in fact) and deep and glistening black skin is sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's first because she is one of the few women from the now-dead Hooters at The Mall Of America I've seen in these calendars.  And, I was lucky enough for her to sign this calendar, right on her own picture.

Now that I've written my thoughts down, I realize that I spotlight all four because of technicalities.  Sadly, that is the nature of a very blah month that is further weighed down because most of the women are wearing too much clothing.  But don't worry -- I have already pleasured myself to this month.  Congratulations to Anna and the rest, and I hope Anna has found new and gainful employment.

The Impending Death Of Zynga Poker

Some time last week, Zynga Poker announced that they were shutting down around September.  They said Facebook/Meta no longer would support their ... coding infrastructure, or something.  Features within the game, like the slot machine, apparently are going to be done away with sooner than that.

This is like when they (and I'm not sure if Zynga is going to continue Poker somewhere else, although I think that's possible) killed off Mafia Wars.  I was sad, and I guess I'm still a bit bummed, but that was almost a decade ago, and I've been able to cope.  Same here.  And, like with Mafia Wars, even though I enjoy playing it, there are mechanisms within the game designed to keep you hooked, and eventually those things felt more like obligations because you were afraid of what you would lose or miss out on if you didn't play every day.  That will be taken out of my hands come September, so I will deal with the mixed feelings I'll feel then.

Only Ten Minutes, Laptop Battery??

My laptop battery is close to kaput now.  I had it completely full when I unplugged it just now so I could listen to AI jazz through YouTube while washing the dishes.  As I was in the middle of my chore, it stopped, it put itself into sleep mode, chimed the sleep chime, then went dormant which, according to this laptop, means it just goes to the lock screen, which is good because before, when it had no energy left, it would just go black.  By the way, I don't know when it went from going completely dark to going to the lock screen, but whatever happened or what prompted that change, good call!

Of course, since this happened about ten minutes after I unplugged my lap, this computer pretty much is a goner.  I'll need to get a new one because this one doesn't have the capacity to get Windows 11, but now I need to make sure this is plugged in if I ever want to be on this for a long period of time.  That shouldn't be a challenge, but it's one I now need to be cognizant of until I am forced to buy a new one, which should be some time in the fall.

On other thing: If I recall correctly, this is the second battery in this laptop.  I had it switched about four years ago because the very first battery simply had no juice.  That second battery had draining issues from the get-go, which leads me to believe that the motherboard or something else on this computer is the real culprit.  Again, whatever it is, I need to replace the whole thing before the year is out.

Farewell, Neighbor (Whom I've Talked To Maybe Twice)

The neighbor across the street is moving.  Have seen some stirrings for a month now, but the "For Sale" sign makes it real.  That came up maybe a week ago.  The huge dumpster (like the one I threw my trash into last week) was on their driveway maybe a couple weeks ago.  And the moving truck was there when I woke up today.

I literally may have spoken ... no, come to think of it, I should accurately describe it as "interacted" with the members of the family that lives/lived there two times.  Once, when my niece was little, one kid who lives there, while he was being held by his father (the head of the household) offered her candy, and my niece freaked out.  The other time, the sons were playing catch (they had baseball uniforms on, so they may have come back from practice or a Game) and a baseball rolled to the edge of my driveway; I threw it back, poorly, to one of them.  And that's it.  I never had an issues with them.  They were the perfect, quiet neighbors who left me alone.

So I feel bad that I'm not saying goodbye to them as they're moving.  But, what would I say?  What kind of small talk could I come up with, especially since I made no talk with any of them while they were here?  And yet, when I came home from shopping earlier this afternoon and I saw the whole family running about, I thought about going there and saying hi.  But, I haven't.  And I probably won't.

Gift Wrapping Is An Unlearnable Skill And A Niche Industry

So it's my niece's birthday.  For once I was proactive in getting the gifts.  The problem now is that I don't know how to wrap them.  I think I had done it while I was really young, but back then I realized how much I sucked at it, so I had Mother do it, or, to be quite honest, I didn't buy a gift at all.  That's right -- I learned not to buy gifts because I didn't learn the art of gift wrapping.

But I'm a grown-up now, and I have a niece to whom I want to show love, so I have to buy presents.  I have been able to avoid this situation because I would always send the presents (in the name of myself and my parents) to her mother/my sister-in-law, who knows how to wrap gifts.  But over the holidays she basically that she was done with all that.  I don't think she meant just me having her wrap gifts.  I think she meant being my brother's wife.  But I don't know that.  But I won't bring it up either.  Bottom line -- I am now on my own when it comes to getting gifts wrapped.

Where in the hell can I go in this town to have this done for me?  Hell, where do I even find just one damn box to put these gifts in?  A couple times a long, long time ago I got them wrapped at, of all place, the Rosedale customer service department.  Hell if I know how they did it, but the people who helped you find out where in the mall to go had this set-up where you could walk up to them, give them gifts that needed to be boxed and wrapped, and they'd do it.  That remains a mind-blowing thing a mall just offers to do, and year-round, not just for the holidays.  Alas, it is a bygone feature of their customer service; they say on their website that they don't do that anymore.

There is one store in the Twin Cities that says they just do gift wrapping.  I left them a message but haven't heard back.  There was also, I believe, a company that picks up and drops off gifts.  That seems way too complicated for my need to have someone find a box and wrap my gifts up in it, but come to think of it, having a brick and mortar spot just for that service probably makes no sense.  Regardless, I e-mailed them -- no response.

Shit, man, I have to do this myself.  I'm now reduced to shopping for boxes.  (I looked in the seldom-opened closet right next to my bedroom; there is wrapping paper in there.)  But wait!  How about a gift bag?  I don't need to wrap anything then; I'll just throw them in a bag, then put some fancy-ish tissue paper on it so my niece can't just peer into the bag and see what I bought her.  I need to buy a bag, but at least there are bags to be bought, unlike boxes!  And I won't get frustrated over cutting out too little wrapping paper, or butchering the folding and taping.  Yeah, gift bags -- that's the ticket!

So I need to buy all that stuff after I wake up.  Hopefully I won't fuck this up.  But maybe I will.

Holy shit ... both the Timberwolves and the Wild won last/Thursday night, and thus won their First Round series last/Thursday night.  It's the first time ever that both the Timberwolves and Wild made it to the Second Round of their respective playoffs in the same Year.  Ever.  That's how shitty Minnesota sports has historically been.

And moreover, the Twins won last/Thursday night, too!

Seriously, could yesterday/Thursday be The Greatest Day In Minnesota Sports History?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1 (tie): Wild and Timberwolves (Last Week, respectively: -4 and -1).  I'll keep this short and sweet, mostly because I'm tired and I have to get up early in the morning.  Both winter pro sports teams have managed to get 3-2 leads in their respective series, they both get a chance to win their series at home, and they both attempt to do it tonight/Thursday night.  Honestly, I was dreading that both teams would get eliminated on the same night.  But both teams advancing on the same night?  Posh!  Of course, this sets up the dreaded possibility that both teams lose and face a Game 7 and oblivion on the road.  But for this time, I will try and be positive, and I will perch both clubs in the top spot in the hopes that they'll make Thursday, April 30, 2026, one of the most memorable days in Minnesota sports history.

By the way, while I was going to the Band Of Horses concert tonight, my friend texted me saying he has two tickets to the Timberwolves Game I could have.  I accepted.  I will either get to celebrate a fantastic series Win ... or see my local basketball team fuck this up.  Lord, I hope I don't make a mistake.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  With the exception of women's lacrosse, if you're a Big Team on a losing streak, the best thing to break that is to face fucking Northwestern.  The male Gopher Nine did so over the weekend, and the swept the Wildcats by a combined score of 27-6.  The U. mercy-ruled Northwestern on Friday's opener at Siebert, 13-1 in seven Innings.  That beatdown mentality carried over to Tuesday, where they slaughtered St. Thomas at home by a score of 12-1, also in seven Innings.  I highly doubt this changes their NCAA Tournament chances, but this squad have won five in a row.

At Penn St. for three this weekend.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2).  A couple Weeks ago, when it looked as though the Twins regulars have sorted things out and have begun to fight like a real team, I was ready to believe these guys were at least somewhat for real.  This organization has managed to surprise the fanbase with overachieving bands of nobodies many times over the years.  Alas, the cynics appear to be right in thinking the Twinks are who they thought they were, going 1-6 this screening Week which includes a three-Game sweep at Tampa.  The Bullpen has been absolute shit lately, including yesterday/Wednesday afternoon's 5-3 Loss at Target Field to Seattle where the Twinks held a 3-2 lead heading into the top of the ninth Inning, but some dude named Eric Orze got shaken down for three Runs that gave the Mariners the victory.

The 13-18 Twinks host Toronto for four this weekend, then travel to Washington to face The Bastard Montreal Expos for three starting Tuesday.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: 0).  The unbeaten streak the Loons enjoyed has ended with a mighty thud.  On Saturday afternoon, with James Rodriguez making his first start for MNUFC, they lost at Allianz Field to LAFC, 1-0, in a battle between teams tied for third place in the West on Points.  I remember once hearing, I believe, British soccer play-by-play man Derek Rae say, after Russia upset Spain in Penalty Kicks in the 2018 World Cup, "You have to remember that football, at its very core, is a stupid Game."  Minnesota United had the ball almost 62% of the time, they got 23 shot attempts, and their xG was almost at 2.  Meanwhile, David Martinez scored in the ninth Minute by an impossibly acute angle, and that's why Laugh-See won.  It almost makes one question why they're a season-ticketholder.

The Loons continue their strangely long streak of playing West Coast teams by visiting a suddenly game San Jose club Tuesday night for a U. S. Open Cup Round of 16 tie.  And, unfortunately, they were eliminated from that combination by a 4-2 score.  Oh, well; at least I won't feel pressured to buy tickets for any U. S. Open Cup Matches at home anymore.

They're at Columbus Saturday evening.

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  Alright, something with this program simply isn't working.  Not after Wisconsin came to Cowles and swept the Goofers by a combined 16-4 score.  What a way to end the home portion of your regular season, huh?

The end of the season can't come fast enough, but luckily for these softballers, it'll end this weekend with a trio at Northwestern.

Seizing An Opportunity, Or Throwing Money Away?

I have to admit I haven't been going through my stuff as much as I thought I would now that my parents have been gone for almost four months.  And when I say "as much," I mean almost not at all.  I hadn't even looked at the boxes I brought in from storage until Monday night, and even then I have only thrown one piece of paper away because I had a duplicate sheet of paper with the exact same information on it.

Meanwhile, the shit in my storage unit keeps piling up.  It is way over my head now.  Moreover, there are containers I've bought that are precariously on top of paper bags of my stuff that probably have shifted.  It's all too much, obviously, and beyond the fact that I need the will to go through it all and the time in which to think and to, if I want, peruse all the magazines and other reading material that make up the vast majority of my stuff, I need some space in which to move stuff around.  Can't do that now that my 5x5 is just about full.

So that is why I had been thinking, for some time, about getting another storage unit.  And I really, really want to get one for the short term, just to give me that space.  Yes, famous last words, but I'm too hemmed in to do stuff right now.  And besides, if I had two storage units, I could literally re-do my storage unit so that, once I am ready to go back down to one, I would have everything in the unit I want to keep all tidy and organized because I would have a spot in which I could reorganize everything.  As much as I would like to go through my things in my basement, it'd be much better if I could do it all in one building.  Having another storage unit there helps me do that.

I finally began looking to see if the unit place had another unit open.  They did, and the 5x10, which would have been perfect, was put up on special, like a 33% discount if you paid for half a year.  But I had till the end of the month, or Friday, to rent it.  After thinking for several days about whether I want to sink a few hundred more dollars into a storage unit I may be keeping for the long term (if I were being honest with myself), I decided, yes, this would spur me into finally getting my butt into gear and to actually go through my stuff.

Last/Tuesday night I went online to rent the 5x10 ... and the deal was gone.  The unit was there, but the only price point available was a month-to-month, and it was expensive.  However, there was just one more 5x5 available at that same 33% discount and which also expired on Friday.  It's not what I wanted; instead, I'm getting the exact same-sized unit.  But still, it doubles the amount of space in which I can store my stuff (temporarily, I say to myself).  Do I pass this by?  Do I wait and potentially allow someone else to get this?  Finally, do I say to myself I'll think it over and then completely forget about it by Friday?

The amount at which I'm getting the unit is a relative steal.  I don't know how much it would be if I need to extend use of the second unit for another half-year, but I won't have to deal with that problem until just before Halloween.  So I got it.  I don't exactly know where it is, but if it's not right across from the unit I have now, it's close.  I'm imagining spending an afternoon being productive by shuttling between units, throwing things away, reading magazines all by myself, and finally putting order to chaos.

Or will I?  I still have several boxes of things I haven't gone through downstairs, and it's been four months.  I might swing by the unit place (with the circle lock -- which, I should say, I bought on Sunday anticipating my decision to rent out this second storage unit) and start ... or I might push it off till this weekend ... or do it next weekend ... or next month ... or never, and I will have wasted hundreds of dollars because I just didn't want to expend the energy to do the thing I know, deep down, I should do.  But if I do do this, I needed to get this rental now while it's on sale.  Otherwise, if I decide I need a second storage unit later, it'll cost me even more money.  Or, I could just tell myself I could just finally get around to looking through my stuff and, you know, do what I promised myself I would do.

What I do or don't do about this situation will tell me a lot about myself, I'm afraid.

Just realized that the downside to eating leftovers and thus saving money by not eating out is that you have to do the dishes almost every single damn day.  Did it for dinner last/Monday night and I have so many dirty dishes and silverware that I just decided to stop before doing them all.  Because why?  I have a blender I'll need to clean this week because I need to finish a smoothie, so I might as well pace myself and do the rest of the dishes with the blender some other night ... assuming I don't make more dirty dishes and silverware that'll be too much for me to do all at once.  It's expensive to eat out, but at least I don't have to clean up after myself.  Sheesh.

A Sign -- Leaning Against A Dumpster, But Maybe From Above -- Told Me To Not Dump Illegally

Saturday I had a few things I needed to do.  Before scooting over to the bank to grab some money, I was going to take out the trash because the can is full.  Now, because I create such little waste (thank you very much for your applause) my parents cancelled trash service because it wasn't necessary.  We figure instead that I can just go to a gas station and throw it in one of their garbage cans, right?

But inattentive me drove past the gas station.  I saw the bank when I realized I forgot to dump the trash, but I was too exasperated to drive back to the gas station.  Not knowing what to do, what appeared before me, like an oasis in the desert, was this huge, industrial-size dumpster just outside the local clinic, which is right next to the bank.  Score!  So I didn't have to double back at all; I just parked and tossed the bag of trash into the dumpster.  Problem solved!

It was a long day for me, but it was a day filled with fun.  After attending the MNUFC Loss (I'll talk about it in the WMNSS), I went to a local brewery now known for showing Timberwolves playoff Games outside on their parking lot.  On my way from where I parked my car to the brewery, I noticed in a parking lot (this is located in an industrial area) a huge dumpster, one much bigger than the one at the clinic.  And there was what appeared to be a giant whiteboard or poster board leaning against it.  It has words on it.  I like to read things, and I had time before the Game started, so I broke off and walked down to the parking lot to read it.

Paraphrasing, it said, "Do not throw your trash in here.  That's illegal dumping.  We have cameras all pointed at this parking lot.  If you do dump your trash here, we'll find you, and we'll catch you.  So smile, you're on Candid Camera!"

Oh, shit.  I didn't think I would get in trouble, but a part of me thought while I was tossing in my bag that I wasn't absolutely sure I wouldn't get in trouble.  This may be serendipity or pure dumb coincidence, but I took it as a sign that I shouldn't throw my trash where I guess I'm not allowed to throw it.

So, once the Game was done (the Wolves won!), I went back to the clinic.  I was able to fish out the bag of trash, and, come to think of it, the gas station was on the way back home.  So I put it there, where I initially intended to toss it.  So, to use a basketball phrase, no harm, no foul, right?  Well, I'll see if the local police knock on my door in the next week for something I made right.

Man, I think I logged onto VEF for the first time on Google ever.  Don't think I want to do that.  Maybe it's time for the laptop to get a cleaning.

So I finally talked to Mother about the mail.  Niece's birthday is coming up, and Mother remembered that, and she wants me to get money from the bank.  So I'm going to have to line up at the bank this morning.

But that's not something that sets me off.  This sets me off: She says that she'll pay me back ... "when they get home."  GODDAMMIT, DON'T REMIND ME THAT YOU'RE COMING HOME!!!

Goddamn, My Cock's Getting A Workout

So I went to a stripper party after work on Monday.  I am going to one after work tonight/Friday night.  Another one of my stripper girlfriends is hosting one at her place next Friday.  And I just got a text from ***e* that she is in town and wants to see me for a "quickie" this weekend.  I told her I am free Sunday afternoon.

That means that over the next dozen days, I'll get wanked (and maybe moreso) four times.  I've wondered if I'm still virile enough to put out now that I'm the big 5-0.  My potency has gone down in the last decade-plus, but I can still pud out a bit.  Will that change now that I have to perform four times over the next twelve days?  We shall see!

(Aside: Not only is my dick getting a workout; my wallet is, too.  Need to mind that.)

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: 0).  Since getting cucked 6-0 in Vancouver on The Ides Of March, they've been riding a six-Match unbeaten streak.  Better yet, they won both of their Games this Week, shutting out Portland at Allianz Field Saturday by a 2-0 scoreline (even though the Loons had the run of play and could have scored at least two more Goals), then going to down to Dallas last/Wednesday night and pulling out a 1-0 victory when Owen Gene (look how his Game has grown!) found Anthony Markanich, who rebounded his own miss at the 32nd Minute.

They're currently tied for third in Points in MLS' Western Conference.  And they will host the club with which they're tied -- star-studded LAFC in a Match Saturday that was moved up from the nighttime to the afternoon so this could get on network TV.  Then on Tuesday, they play in the Eighth-final of the U. S. Open Cup at San Jose, which currently leads the West in MLS and just scored four Goals in about 11 Minutes late in the Second Half last/Wednesday night to obliterate Austin in Cali, 5-1.

Oh, by the way, I feel like this team is doing quite well right now.  But this past Week was a down Week for local sports, and frankly, since the Timberwolves were stopped in The Western Conference Finals the past two Years, I don't feel as though they deserve a 0.  (A 2-0 lead when you win both Games on the road?  I would think about giving a 0 in that case a lot.)  Then, I rely on my principle of no digit gaps in the WMNSS.  In other words, I don't want to put MNUFC in Positive Numbers and then put the Wolves at -1.  There has to be a 0, and I decided it was going to be United FC backing down.

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  It's only two Games, but damn, what a turnaround after a humbling Game 1 Loss at The Denver Nuggets.  Tim Connelly built Denver, so he knows how to defeat Denver, and even though they won only one Game so far this series (let alone only once in the regular season), the T-Wolves have traditionally had the Nuggets' number.  Now, to hold serve for Games 3 and 4.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The fucking worm turned.  They were leading their Division this time last screening Week, but a 1-4 record this past Week, low-lighted by a sweep at home by Cincinnati and then enabling The New York Mets to win and break a 12-Game losing streak last/Wednesday, has dropped them back to earth at terminal velocity.  It's still early in their season, which is why I ranked the Twinks over the teams below them in a very bad Week for local sports teams.  But let's see if they can turn things around visiting Tampa this weekend, then hosting Seattle for three starting Monday.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Should we be glad somewhat that their sweep at #1 UCLA could have been worse?  We shouldn't be counting moral victories, but yeah.  They lost by scores of 4-2, 6-4, and 5-2 -- all not heinous embarrassments.  Take it as a life lesson.  And they quadrupled up North Dakota St. Tuesday at Siebert, 12-3.  They finish a five-Game homestand by hosting Northwestern over the weekend, then St. Thomas Tuesday.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4).  I don't think they'll beat The Bastard North Stars because I think God hates me.  Still, I want them to beat the ever-loving shit out of The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0.  And things were good to start off the series, with Minnesota absolutely emasculating Dallas in Dallas, 6-1.  They lost Game 2, but at least they got home-ice advantage ...

... which they lost just now.  Game 3 was at the Gica last/Wednesday night, and since it went to double Overtime and the Game itself started at 8:30, it ended around 1 in the morning and it ended with those motherfuckers winning back home-ice.  So glad I wasn't there.  But we're facing yet another Mild elimination in the First Round, and yet again at the hands of The Team That Was Stolen From Us.  Don't go out like bitches.  Don't go out like that!

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  The hits ... well, they keep on coming in the sense that the Goofer softballers continue to get battered around this season.  They didn't hit that much over the weekend, when Nebraska (ranked either sixth or fourth depending on which poll you go to) swept them.  Yes, the U. baseballers also got swept, but 1) the softballers were hosting and 2) they got mercy-ruled twice, following Friday's 4-0 Shutout with a 17-2 ass-kicking (which, of course, ended after only five Innings) Saturday and an 11-2 humiliation Sunday afternoon that ended after six.  They "rebounded" Tuesday and tripled up North Dakota at Cowles, 6-2.  But the sweep is the true mark of how this squad, and this program, is going -- namely two-thirds bad, with a Big Ten record of 6-12 and an overall record of 15-30.

For the first time I can remember, Minnesota ain't playing Wisconsin only twice in the form of a Doubleheader played mid-Week.  They host the Badgers this weekend, the final three Games of a seven-Game homestand.

So I went to the dentist yesterday/Tuesday.  And goddammit, I have another cavity for which I need to go in again.  Well, it looks like all those days I was frozen in terror when this corrupt and installed Republican government took over our city, and all those times I got home from work so tired, caused me to not feel like brushing my teeth ... nah, who am I kidding, I just didn't floss and brush my teeth as often as I should have.  I definitely will get back into the habit ... nah, who am I kidding, I'll be as half-ass about it as I've always been.  I know I should do it daily (actually they recommend twice daily), but teeth brushing has never been something I do as a routine.  As with other matters of hygiene, for that matter.

Well, ******a texted me out of the blue and said that she can finally massage.  Before she said we'd shoot for Saturday, but this afternoon she told me she could come over tonight!  No exercise for me today, but that's OK if she's going to rub me down!

Seriously, I'm not looking for anything.  The furthest I'll go is getting completely naked for her, which is how I usually am for any massage.  If she says yes, I'm totally happy.  I would expect a normal, clean massage from then on out.  If there's anything more than that ... well, that would be a complete surprise.

I'm just hoping that I don't scare her off -- either by asking if I can be completely unclothed or, more likely, by all the stuff that's strewn around the house.  I hope she doesn't hate messy.

Old Chicken Not As Good As New-ish Chicken

So yesterday/Monday I was invited to this house party that was happening later into the evening.  Normally I wouldn't go because of the last-minute notice ... and I usually haven't.  But it was at a place much more convenient to me, plus ****e was there, and it just so happened I texted her on Sunday.  Work was a bear, but I managed to get out in time so that I could go home, change, get money, and then get to the party in time to get my rocks off.

While waiting for ****e and *****y (who told me about the party) to double-team me, I sat in the cramped kitchen which was hosting this shindig with three-to-four other guys who have either gotten serviced or were waiting to be serviced by at least one of those two women.  There's always food at these stripper parties.  And even though food is the furthest thing I need when I go to these parties, there's nothing else to do there except eat.  Someone, probably one of the dancers, bought take-home chicken and fries, presumably from Cub Foods.  I ate it.  And even though it had been laying around of at least 90 minutes, it tasted good.

I planned to have Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner last/Monday night.  Well, let me go back a bit ... before I even knew there was a party going on, I was planning on going to the Ty Segall concert at First Ave.  But I checked his recent playlist.  He doesn't seem to deviate from concert to concert, and the one song for which I would have gone to see him play (his awesome, stomping cover of Hot Chocolate's "Every 1's A Winner") he has not played at all in his tour, at least not yet.  I'm not a big-enough fan of Mr. Segall that I would go see him play songs I don't know, so I decided not to go.  Maybe I should've researched his tour set earlier so I could have made this decision earlier.

Anyway, because I decided not to go to the concert, I quickly pivoted to eating KFC after the party.  I recently signed up for the fast food restaurant's application, and because I'm a first-time signee, I got this deal where, for the first seven days I signed in, I could get my first order through their app for half off.  I had planned this after looking over the menu, so I knew that I was going to order a four-piece chicken meal, which came with a side (I settled on fries), a biscuit, and a Pepsi.  That would originally go for about $14.50 (!), so seeing as I was going to get it for half-off, I figure this would be the only time I would ever get it.

When my parents were here (ish), they would make me get KFC on Tuesdays.  They still have a deal where a bucket of eight pieces of chicken sells for ten bucks.  Those were always hot.  These weren't.  Still, I thought it would taste good, so I sat down and at them and ... they weren't.  I don't know why.  I don't think it's quality control, at least beyond the warmth.  But it wasn't as good as the leftover chicken I ate at the party.  That can't be right.  The only thing I can think of is that, besides having popcorn and a Cpari-Sun-like juicebox at work, given to us by the company, I was really hungry, and that leftover chicken hit the spot.  I ate all my KFC with little difficulty, but when I started, admittedly, I wasn't hungry.

Maybe I should've saved that Kentucky Fried Chicken order for another day.  Or maybe this KFC store had a bad run of chicken and if I had gone somewhere else that night I would've gotten better chicken.  Who knows?