Overwhelmed ... And It's My Day Off!

I have so many chores I need to do -- washing the dishes, talking to people about organizing events, cleaning up the house -- that, even though I have today and tomorrow off, I feel even more busy than I would on a normal workday.  I only have time to do the things I need to do ... such as take my car to the shop, which I need to do right now.

I realized all these things as I woke up this morning.  And I did so without the help of the alarm.  That's because, once again, I went to bed early and woke up at a normal time.  I spent last night going through my stuff at my locker, then showering because it is so hot.  I don't want to do things now, and I can only partly blame the weather.  The rest?  Well, I don't know, but I don't know if I'm going to do any of the above things I need to do today, either, because I'm watching the World Cup and then planning on exercising (something I haven't done in weeks) later today.

So overwhelmed.

Planning World Cup Viewing Where

I have gotten obsessed with arranging my free time around the World Cup the five weeks it's going on.  I shouldn't, considering that this World Cup is being (mainly) hosted by a fascist country.  Also, it's become even more obvious that FIFA is a corrupt organization that continues to get away with suckering communities into giving them money in exchange for the right to host the biggest sporting event on the planet this side of the Olympics.  No wonder, then, that the president of FIFA, Gianni Infantino, gave Trump a made-up-on-the-spot "peace prize" just to kiss his ass, one grifter publicly proclaiming his love to another grifter.  The business side of this soccer festival should make one's stomach turn.  However, since I am plotting how I will watch as much of it as I can proves I have overlooked this evil sausage-making and, in turn, makes me complicit.

Well, my complicit ass is still going to watch, and figure out the best way to watch while balancing things such as my checkbook, the health of my car, going to my storage unit to go through my stuff (which is really chapping my ass right now the more I think about it), and just going home and relaxing.  A part of me truly relishes how to put the pieces together, but a part of me knows this can easily overwhelm me, and another part of me knows I'm capable of just saying "fuck it" and I'll completely forget all of this.

Regardless, right now I'm planning ... but only for next week.  I am trying to do the following:

• Have one day where I go work, then directly go home.  I will watch all the Games from home and eat in, and thus I will not spend any money;
• I will go out and watch at least one soccer Match at a bar or establishment boasting about televising the World Cup;
• I will go out and watch at least one soccer Match at a Mexican or Latin American restaurant that has a TV and may or may not be televising the World Cup;
• I will go from work to my storage unit, where I will spend at least the majority of one soccer Game listening to it on Sirius XM while going through my stuff.  I will not spend any money and instead go straight home after the Match is over;
• Oh, and I promised ******a that I would see her at the strip club one night.

My original guiding principle on which weekdays I'd do each of the above depended on whether I could watch the Match on FOX/Channel 9.  If it wasn't on there, I figured that wasn't a day I should just go home; either I would watch at a pub or restaurant that had Fox Sports 1, or listen to it on satellite radio at my storage unit.  But then I remembered that Telemundo is over the air and is airing every single Match on free TV, albeit in Spanish.  Soccer is universal, so watching any Game from home was back on the table.

But then I saw last/Friday night's South Korea-Czechia Match, and for some dumb reason the audio and video were out of synch.  I'm hoping it's a one-time glitch, because if it's not, I won't watch Telemundo anymore ... which might actually make planning easier because it removes the possibility that I could watch any Game at home.  Fix this, Telemundo.

Another consideration I, um, considered is the quality of the sides playing.  I want to see competitive Matches, and once the final roundelay of Games comes around, the stakes are going to influence which ones I watch and thus where.  But the field for the World Cup has expanded from 36 to 48.  That means a lot of new teams -- and a bunch of teams that are not good and should get easily dispatched in the Games they play.  Also, there is a fifth round of Knockout Stage Matches now, which means 32 teams will advance out of the Group Stage.  Allowing 2/3 of the field into the "playoffs" makes the "regular season" Group Stage Games somewhat less important, even if the final Group Stage Games will determine who comes in last in each Group and thus is automatically eliminated.

The more I think about it, the more I've decided that I want to dedicate my attention to matchups that feature good XI's or countries that appear to be evenly matched.  If there's a Game that doesn't satisfy either condition, I am beginning to think it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to only tune in to it in the middle of the Match, or even, for example, bail on the Game and leave an establishment early.  It is hard to eat out at a restaurant for two hours so you can watch a whole Game.  And speaking of whole Games ... I realized that when I get out of work each day will dictate whether I go home, my unit, or out to watch.  Do I want to go out to catch the back end of a lopsided Match between two nations that have no chance of winning the World Cup?  Maybe, actually, and I'll save the days I go directly home for when I am able to watch a good Game on paper in its entirety.

You can see how I am weighing a lot of things, right?  Yeah, maybe I'm overthinking this.  But I don't want to spend money I can't afford, I want to start eating the food at home that I've bought, I don't want to tax my car, and I do want to start cleaning up my stuff.  So, considering all of that ... I still don't know.  Guess the only really important thing to me is I just want to watch some soccer.

Making My Schedule Based On Time, Money, Car Vibes, And Semen

Fitting my schedule to accommodate chores, outings, and time with my stripper girlfriends have just overwhelmed me.  I need to budget my time, I need to make sure I have enough money to do everything I want to do, I'm getting kind of freaked out over driving everywhere because of the obscene price of gasoline, and, most important of all, I need to make sure I'm able to cum on demand.

It's the stripper girlfriends where all of this comes to a head (in a manner of speaking).  I wanted to get with ****e for the longest time, and I thought last weekend was it, but she didn't answer my texts in a timely manner.  Finally, last weekend she said that this weekend was good.  After some back-and-forth, I am supposed to see her tomorrow/Sunday.  Then, ***e* blindsided me by telling me she was in town this weekend and wants to cum visit.  Not a great time, but I slotted her in for this/Saturday morning.  I don't know if my penis can perform back-to-back, but consider ***e* is only here this weekend and I already promised ****e, I kind of have to turn back the clock.

On top of all that, I've been going back-and-forth with my ATF regarding a massage.  I thought Monday would work, but when I texted her that I would be home Monday, my goddamn cellphone auto-corrected it to I would be gone Monday.  I caught it last/Friday night and said that I could be available after the weekend, and she apparently agreed.  Phew!  (By the way, if my ATF surprises me by doing something freaky, it won't matter that I shot the day before.  I know that, even in my advanced age, surprising trysts with women for the first time will have me ejaculating left and right!)

Now, beyond having fun (which seems kind of forced right now), I have things I need to do -- stuff like getting a shave, replenishing my alcohol, and seeing my junior prom date at the cemetery.  But before all that, I have stuff around the house I need to do -- stuff like getting my irrigation system up and running and, more importantly, cleaning my outdoor condenser unit.  Summer jumped me this week, and even though I partly am backing off on turning on the air conditioner because I don't want to spend money (being the primary caretaker of a house now turns you into a miser, believe me), I think it's high time I clean the outdoor condenser.  After all, my ATF should be giving me a rubdown on Monday, and I want her to be as comfortable as possible.  Running a fan won't be enough to cool her down, and besides, I want to close the windows in case she touches me to the point where I start screaming.

But I've never done it before.  I've looked through the YouTube videos, and I know I should clean out the debris that's inside it, then use a cleaner to clean the coils from the inside out, then use a hose to rinse it from the inside out.  But, they suggest I cut the power.  And even though I have turned off both the thermostat and the AC, I have no idea how to cut off power from the circuit breaker right next to the condenser unit.  I open up the cover and all I see is a metal loop.  What the hell is that?  Oh, well.  I think I am going to try and clean everything after I just turn off the AC and thermostat.

Oh, wait ... I can't hose the unit down after I clean everything because I haven't connected the water yet.  And I can't do that until I screw the nut into the, um, thingy that was pulled out in the fall in order to winterize our irrigation system.  I tried screwing it by hand, but I can't screw it in tight, so some time this/Saturday afternoon I am going to get a wrench and twist it in.  Then, I can use the water, and then I can begin cleaning the condenser because I can then rinse it.  Will I get this all done in one afternoon?  Who knows?  I might screw up, or hesitate at a step and decide screw it, I'll just turn the whole AC on.  I'm keeping my options open.

How does driving fit into this?  Shaving involves me driving in one direction, shopping for alcohol and visiting my deceased prom date means I need to drive in the other.  I do not want to drive both directions this/Saturday afternoon, especially if I need to do this thing with the condenser and irrigation system.  Since I'm seeing a friend next week, I think I'll get my shave and do everything else next weekend.  I think.  I'm keeping my options open!

Yeah, I'm busy.  And I haven't even mentioned sleep.  I want to budget one day where I can sleep in.  But I have to get up at a certain time to make sure I go out to the bank to get money today/Saturday to pay ***e*, and then I have to wake up at a certain time tomorrow/Sunday to drive over to ****e's place because she asked me to.  I won't like being woken up by an alarm up to a dozen days in a row (through next Saturday, when I'm supposed to meet this long-lost friend for which I'm getting my face shaved).

Gosh, I'm dealing with a lot of moving pieces I need to fit over the next two weeks -- and that's just for now, who knows what else is coming down the pike.  I know it's not serious in the big picture, but right now it feels serious to me.

Do You Make Sure You Brush Your Teeth Before Seeing The Dentist?

I'm going back and forth on this.  I'll be honest: I don't brush my teeth every day.  I have more important things to do, like surf the Internet and doomscroll on my phone.  I have never been an active teeth-brusher, just to be transparent.

But I usually made it a habit to brush my teeth the night before visiting the dentist, which I will do today/Tuesday.  (Never the morning of -- again, I had better things to do, like sleep in.)  I always wanted to look good for the dentist.  I couldn't imagine showing up with dirty teeth.  It's like going to school without doing your homework.  It's kind of your job, you know?

However, and I don't know if I actually put this to practice, I've begun to think I should actually not brush my teeth before going to see the dentist.  If he or she sees it at its worst, that makes him or her more determined to clean everything up.  I wonder if my teeth look good enough, the dentist would just skip over it because it looks good enough, and therefore won't dig through issues with my teeth that could be there.  For example, I will tell them that I feel some teeth sensitivity as I chew my food.

But I think I will cave and do it after I blog post this.  If my teeth are bad, maybe the dentist will be so overwhelmed cleaning everything up that she or he will in fact skip overlook problems with my teeth.  I am such a goody-goody.

It's Getting Difficult To Donate Stuff

So I have another round of clothes (and, now, two bedsheets) I want to recycle.  I have heard that Goodwill probably won't take the stuff I want to donate, so I was looking around if there are places that take, uh, less-than-usable stuff.

Looking around the Internet, I see this website where they just place a huge bin in some parking lot somewhere, and you can just toss in your clothes (your shoes too) and it's supposed to go to a good place, or they can be used or sold for something good, or something like that.  That's when I vaguely remembered seeing a bin or two close to home.  Shoot, why don't I just throw this stuff in there?  Easy!

So on Sunday I went to my storage unit to grab all my old clothes and bedsheet -- if I kept them here, my parents probably would throw them away, and that doesn't sit right with me -- to take the places I knew these bins were.  Well, one place is close to the mall nearby, but damned if a travelling carnival set up shop there.  So many cars, and so I had no time to park for the two minutes I thought I needed to toss in all my stuff into the bin, so that was a no-go.  I drove home past my high school, where I thought another bin was, but I didn't see one.  I swear one was there. ...

I tried again yesterday/Monday, and this time I had my second, other bedsheet (which I washed Sunday night) to take to donate with my other stuff.  The carnival closed up shop (although it didn't leave town; I think it's setting up again for the long holiday weekend), so I had all this space to just walk up with my bag and throw it in the bins, of which I noticed there were three.

But dammit again; the bins were completely full!  I saw huge bags filled presumably with clothes that overwhelmed the bins.  The chute doors were wedged open because they were all stuffed with bags.  I literally had no space to shove my stuff in anywhere.  It would fall to the ground, and that's considered dumping; if a police car drove by as I walked away from the mess I made, I would be cited.  So I couldn't leave my stuff there.

Now I don't know what to do.  I guess my plan is to just go to the Goodwill tomorrow/Wednesday on my way to the MNUFC Match and have them take my stuff, even though they probably don't want it.  But hell, I don't want it, either, not anymore.  In fact, looking at the grand scheme of things, it appears as though a lot of people don't want a lot of their stuff.  But what happens if the people who say they'll take the stuff other people don't want ... well, basically don't take that stuff?  Yeah, I'm getting the feeling the organization that set up these bins isn't well run.  But that's just me.

May Have Crossed A (Time) Line I Shouldn''t Have Crossed At Work

This has never been spelled out as official or even common policy, but from what I have been told in the (way) past and from what I have been able to get away with, whenever there is work to be done that needs to be done but can't be done within your usual eight-hour work shift, you can stay up to two hours, or (duh) ten hours.  Because work in The Third Department has been kicking my ass ever since the holidays, I've done ten hours frequently.  Lately, the work hasn't been done within ten hours, so I've left it for the next day and, sometimes, for the person doing in position for me.

Regardless, for many, many years now, I have held that ten-hour overtime standard as sacrosanct, a sort of demilitarized zone.  Not that I've never crossed it; I think I have pulled in way more than ten hours on a couple occasions, although those were under extremely unforeseen circumstances, and I may have clocked out a minute after ten hours once or twice.  But it's pretty much a no-go, a line you don't you don't come back from.  Since the New Year, even if the work has been overwhelming, I have swallowed my pride, resigned myself that I couldn't accomplish all that I wanted to accomplish, and packed up and left at exactly ten hours.

Till yesterday/Friday.  There were tests I needed to prepare.  A lot of them, and that has been a major contributing factor to me staying late whenever I'm in The Third Department.  I have been trying my best to get through them quicker, but I have been making very little progress.  I remember that on Thursday, there was a test that had me so confused that I needed to talk to someone three times to figure out what to do.  I want to say that I spent at least 45 minutes on it, but it could have been an hour.  That was incredibly frustrating, and typical of my problems in trying to get through these tests.  Now add that lately there's been at least half a dozen of them every day I work in The Third Department and that they come in during the afternoon, and you can see how that pushes my day past eight hours.

That happened yesterday/Friday.  However, the tests that I prepared this time around actually were easy, at least easier compared to the ones I usually encounter.  I got through them faster than I usually do.  And that, to be honest, kind of gave me a rush.  It made me feel as though I finally "got it," that I in fact have "mastered" how to do them.

And then I remembered that I have all these other things that should be done before I leave for the day, and that I have, oh, less than an hour to do them.  I still felt good, however; those half dozen or so tests I thought would have consumed the rest of my ten hours, and there would have been a lot of hell to pay by my supervisor and boss for not getting to the other tasks they say should be done.  But I had time yesterday/Friday, and so I delved into that work ... and then my ten hours were getting close to being up, and I wasn't quite finished.  And then I saw a mistake that I needed to fax out again and, after deciding that fax could be done by my co-worker tomorrow, I changed my mind and thought it best I do it -- knowing that would probably push me past ten hours.

And it did.  I clocked out ten hours and ten minutes after work began.  Now, you may say what's the big deal, it's just ten minutes.  Like I have blog posted before, neither of my superiors have lately took me to task for staying an extra couple hours.  Heck, before she left work yesterday/Friday, my supervisor said I shouldn't go past ten hours.  However, I can see, from their vantage point, me staying an extra ten minutes is, to put it in a way, overtime creep.  I should tell you that on Monday, I overstayed my lunch break by ten minutes because I didn't set the alarm on my phone correctly and overslept.  The policy at that point is to stay as long as you overstayed your lunch break.  Well, I did that and worked ten hours total and still clocked out a few minutes later than that because I needed to tie up loose ends.  My supervisor and boss will know that I did that Monday, stayed a few minutes further than that yesterday/Friday, and start to question how long I am staying for OT, and why.

This all could change, and soon.  Next week everyone one of us are supposed to have a meeting about The Third Department, with a goal of getting enough of the work done each day so that no one is taking overtime.  I don't see how that is possible without a second person working in The Third Department at least half the day, but that is my boss' goal.  Maybe what I did this week is a sign to him that changes to this department can't come soon enough.  And maybe this will accelerate scrutiny of my work day and work processes.  Which would suck because, all the stress this job is putting me through aside, I do love making OT money.  I checked my bank account and saw that my latest paycheck is significantly bigger than the one before it.  Will this money train stop?

Work Sucks Right Now, In So Many Ways

Before I rant and feel sorry for myself, I want to say that I am grateful for the overtime I'm getting.  The money is worth the grief.

Well, at least I say that now.  While I was working yesterday/Friday, it sure as fuck didn't feel that way.  The Third Department is utter fucking chaos now.  It didn't help that all the work that got stuck down South Wednesday finally reached us.  The work that came for me ... I don't know if I have ever left so much work for my co-worker, who is doing The Third Department today/Saturday.  I apologized to her before I left work.  I stayed an extra two hours, like I usually do.  I could've stayed till nine o'clock and not gotten everything done.  Seriously.

There are so many things to keep apprised up in that particular position that I am constantly bombarded with things that crop up which I need to immediately address.  Toward the end of my day (which, because it ran so long, became my night), I saw something that essentially became a "STAT" thing that I had to drop everything to do, and I know I let out a "Fuck!" that I meant as a whisper but was probably loud enough for everybody in the room to hear.  It was that frustrating a day.

It didn't help that I screwed up, which I did right before I saw this "STAT" thing I just had to do.  I basically signed off on, like, a dozen reports that I should not have signed off on.  And so I had to go through each report and fix my mistake.  I had a shit ton to do already, and I didn't need to make it harder on myself by fucking up like I did.  But I realized that I made this mistake because I was not doing these reports every day, and that makes me susceptible to forgetting a process of, say, doing a report.  I see now how hard it is to step into work someone else started.  I can't just apply my training at any point in a particular process.  If I didn't start it, I am likely to screw it up.  And in a job where I hop from position to position, that will mess me up, man.

Aside, and I need to make this vague because, frankly, this may blow up into a shitshow: I may have made a mistake, but I sure as fuck don't like her tone.  There were so many other ways to tell me via e-mail to stop.  And by the way, the mistake started with the person not writing down the date.  What condescending bullshit.  And if she decides to take it up with my supervisor or boss, man, I could be in deep trouble.

With all my venting here, I'm going back to work today/Saturday to help out.  They're still behind, so much so that they might bring in people for Monday.  But goddammit, I'd rather this have happened last weekend, or next weekend.  'Cause this weekend was the only Saturday over at least the next month where I could watch EPL downtown, something I haven't done yet this season.  The combination of Matches kicking off at 9 this/Saturday morning doesn't involve any team that would take over the pub I want to go to, and I can't say that for any day until at least April.  But then this opportunity of working ten hours again has to come up this fucking Saturday.  I could decide to work a full day, but I have decided not to.  One, I really was looking forward to watching soccer, and work like this won't change my mind.  Also, I have pulled ten hours several days over the past few weeks, and I was so stressed after leaving work last/Friday night that I am trying to take time for myself.  I'll watch soccer, then go into work for an abbreviated day.  And if that means passing up some money, so be it.  I'm making plenty this time period.

With all that said, this incident from this e-mail may blow up.  There is a non-zero change that I won't have a job by the time today/Saturday ends.  Just a head's-up.

Work Sucks Even More Now

Oh, man ... I haven't blog posted till now because last/Wednesday night I ate out, came home and, because I had woken up at 4:30 yesterday/Wednesday morning, fell asleep at 10:30 at night and didn't wake up till the alarm sounded at 7 this/Thursday morning.  Fell asleep so hard that I didn't even sleep with my clothes on.  Gosh, it felt good.

Anyway, work sucked, big time.  Worse, even.  I'm not sure if the snowstorm down south, which delayed a shipment from last week that we are still trying to catch up on, was the reason for all the crap I had to go through today or if it's just a bump up in workload compared to recent months, but there was a lot.  So much, in fact, that I have left work after spending my self-imposed two extra hours with work left over.  I'll be honest: I now track the specific number of forms I get in The Fourth Department, and number-wise, I have had "worse" days than today.  It might be the type of form or I might be out of practice (I last worked in The Fourth Department last week), but I was not close to finishing everything I should've done.

It's not a good feeling.  Sure, I can say that I did all I could, and I did do all I could.  But not since I started off on my own in The Fourth Department have I left so much to do till the next day, and back then I had the excuse that I was figuring stuff out.  Yeah, I have a lot to do, but I wonder if my higher-ups are going to come in in the morning, look at everything I still have to do, and wonder about me.

The worst thing about this all is the cascading effect.  Again, I don't exactly know why the work has been so much when until not too long ago I was afraid the company would shut down due to lack of work, but assuming there will be as much work as there has been recently, I am behind on finishing up the work I usually do in the afternoon.  That means the stuff I usually do in the morning has to be pushed back until the afternoon, and if there is a lot of new stuff, my God, there will be even more forms that will be left unfinished by the time I have to get my butt out of work.  And since tomorrow/Friday is my last workday of the week, I am leaving it for someone else to clean up.  Which might not be a bad thing for me personally, but probably not good when it comes to karma.

Work Has Been Really Much Lately

So since my co-worker retired, we have had to fill in for her.  We have, or at least I have, realized I need to refresh my memory on how to do things, and there are new things I either haven't done in ages, haven't done at all even though I was trained to do it, or have not been taught how to do.  On top of that, there has been primarily only one person assigned to The Third Department every day, and the work is not manageable enough for only person to do all day.  Well, it can.  I've done it a few days a week this past work week.  It's just that I have had to stay an extra hour, or two.

I used to call The Third Department my favorite department because it was a difference in both task and environment from the first two positions I got trained in.  But with no one who's been at the job for years to lean on anymore, we are fending for ourselves, and even though I guess I am getting by, it's been overwhelming, particularly this week.  I cannot call this department my favorite anymore.

Yesterday/Friday was an indication of how bonkers it gets.  We get our shipment of forms every morning flown in from the South.  As usually happens once in January, a snowstorm down south prevents the shipment for that day.  That happened yesterday/Friday: A flight was cancelled, and we got a third of the forms we were supposed to get.  That meant that all the people out in data entry (My Main Department, although I think I might have to change that designation because I work in the back a little more often nowadays) got done very early.  (They might have to make up for it, by the way; the shipment that got delayed might come as early as today/Saturday, in which case they will have two days' worth of work to do over the course of one day.  I am on call in case that delayed shipment comes in, and yes, I might be doing data entry for several hours this afternoon if need be.)  But, and maybe I should have realized this earlier than I did, the work they get does not come from the same sources from which I get work in The Third Department.  While all the keyers left, I got flooded with things I needed to do -- so much so that I stayed an extra 1:45 minutes yesterday/Friday.  That was on top of the extra 1:15 or so Thursday.

Work so far in 2025 has been so stressful, and has me so strung out, that after work both Thursday and yesterday/Friday, once I came home, I eventually got really groggy and conked off to take naps deep in the evening -- about 90 minutes Thursday night, maybe a half-hour just this past evening.  I wanted to stay up to listen to both College Football Playoff Semifinals on SiriusXM, but I just couldn't.  I fell asleep to both Games and woke up after they both got done, even though I may have woken up just long enough to listen to Drew Allar throwing that Game-losing Interception for Penn St. and Jack Sawyer's scoop-and-score for Ohio St. to seal their Win before I fell back asleep.  Or maybe not.  I don't remember the last time work has physically beaten me into unconsciousness.

Now, a part of the general weariness I have leaving work is that this lab closing continues to flood the company with work I have had to deal with in The Fourth Department, which is also not a picnic.  That is supposed to subside at some point this month.  The work in The Third Department will not.  The workload that has been will continue to be.  The big problem, and I don't know if my supervisor or boss sees this, is that The Third Department is not a one-person job.  It may not be a two-person job -- I still wonder whether my co-worker back there was simply laid off over the summer in a cost-cutting move -- but it sure as hell is not a one-person job.  I should add that yesterday/Friday, the person holding down The Fourth Department helped me with an important task I should have gotten to well before the mid-afternoon but simply couldn't.  Without her coming to rescue me like an angel from on high, I would not have been able to finish all the work I absolutely had to do before I had to leave ten hours after I bleepin' started work.  She said that she was busy with work too, and she was surprised she put in a full day when many other departments scrammed after only a half-day.  I'm still shocked she still had time t help me.  And if she can get through her day of work in that position faster than I can ... well, my higher-ups might have questions as to why she can get done faster with her stuff faster than I can.

And, well, that's my saving grace in all this.  I might be inundated with all this work, but the company wants the work to get done, so I am racking up the overtime.  Yeah, I don't know if I have mentioned this, but my boss has not bitched at me about OT since around Easter.  I think my co-worker getting let go (or fired) has resulted in a paucity of workers to do all the work that has to be done.  Maybe others can do their job at 40 hours a week, but I can't, I haven't, and I haven't heard any crap for it.  Maybe I will hear more blowback now that the holidays are over and overtime is priced at time-and-a-half and not time.  (By the way, that might change now that That Fucking Guy will be installed as President again.  I think he and Republicans are proposing a change that allows companies to spread overtime thresholds over a whole month instead of a week.  Stupid damn MAGAts).

My boss is going to have a meeting late in the month about how The Third Department is working out now that there is no one full-time back there.  I don't want to lose work per se, but I really don't want to be overworked and abandoned back there, so I am going to tell him that it's too much for one person.  That might bring about meaningful change ... or it might bring about me losing my job.  Who knows?

My Christmas Tradition Going By The Wayside (?)

One of the traditions I keep for myself is going occurs on Christmas Eve.  I go to the Mall Of America and eat lunch at Hooters, hopefully seeing that really cute blond who's been there for years.  I then go to Southdale, and I make sure I lap every single level of the mall.  Finally, I drop by The Cheesecake Factory attached to Southdale and get a few slices of cheesecake, one of which I eat the next day (Christmas Night), the others when I can.

I didn't do it last year.  Christmas Eve 2023 fell on a Sunday, and I was working a Vikings Game.  I could have fought traffic to at least get to The Cheesecake Factory, but ultimately I didn't think it was worth it.  Besides, I had already "broken" this tradition the year before because I was in Hawai'i taking a vacation with my family.  I don't quite remember if I was able to do all three things in 2021, and I think I did do all three things in 2020, even though we were still in the middle of the pandemic and there was no vaccine to at least guard me against COVID-19.  And beyond all that, the first "tradition" of going to Hooters isn't something I have steadfastly done every year since I started.

So I guess I am confessing that these aren't time-worn traditions that I would move heaven and earth to make sure I do.  And that is the blase attitude I have going into Christmas Eve today.  I'm not sure I can do any of the three "traditions."  In fact, I don't think I will.  I did not ask to take the day or even the afternoon off (like I did in 2020, at least according to my Franklin Planner).  And with this new crush of forms we're getting because another lab decided to shut down, things are going berserk in The Fourth Department, where I will be all week (besides tomorrow/Wednesday/Christmas Day, of course).  I remember years past where I was in The Main Department and things were so meager that we were dismissed really early.  Because of the confusion and dot-connecting we need to do with these new forms coming from this closed lab, I know we won't get to leave early.  In fact, there's a real good chance I'll be staying late, like I have ever since this lab shut down.  I know that The Cheesecake Factory will have different hours from Southdale, which will close at 5.  While I may have gone to get cheesecake and not walked around the mall in years past, I cannot imagine doing one without the other.  Then again, I considered doing it last year after the Vikings Game.  Once again, I'm admitting my "traditions" are pretty fungible.

Ah, to heck with it.  If by some miracle we get done by, say, noon, I'm doing everything.  If it gets to, like, 2 or 3, it's off to Southdale.  Any later and I don't know if trying makes any sense.  I'm guessing I won't be leaving work till way past then.  Nope, I might get some fast food and go home ... before leaving late in the evening to head off to the only place I know in the Twin Cities that is open late on Christmas Eve.  I have gone to this place to drink their scotch and whiskey for several years now, and even though I skipped this two years ago, I have committed to doing this moreso than the Hooters/Southdale/Cheesecake Factory roundelay.  Yeah, gotta admit that this is my Christmas tradition! 

So Where Did The Banana Bread Go?

So Father usually packs two things for me to take to work: A banana and something Mother made.  I have told him repeatedly that I don't need to eat food at work (it makes me fat and sluggish), but he has never ever listened to me the three decades or so I have been a working man, so I have given up.  Instead, I eat one of the two items during my afternoon break and then take the other one home with me, hoping to eat that as a late-night snack.

Usually I eat the pastry/bakery item Mother makes me and bring home the banana.  But on Wednesday night, Mother made me drink this sugary-looking drink with seaweed that I have had to eat/drink all through my childhood after dinner, and so I didn't feel like eating the banana.  (Didn't matter; I ate Doritos and generic chips late at night to get the taste of that devilish concoction out of my mouth, ick.)  What I did was replace the new banana Father laid out for me on the kitchen counter with the one he gave me that day and put the "new" banana back to where he puts the bunch of bananas.

Yesterday/Thursday morning I looked into my lunch (plastic) bag to see what else is in there.  I think it was banana bread, though I wasn't sure because I was in a rush to leave and I was still groggy from getting up.  Well, yesterday at work was hell because the flight that brought us all our work was delayed by 90 minutes on Wednesday.  Even though I still don't know how much that domino effect shook the company to its core, the lab decided to carry over over a dozen bins of work to yesterday/Thursday, and for some reason they processed them all then.  That meant that we had to stay a bit late to enter the data into our system, and even then were so overwhelmed that my bosses decided to tell everyone to leave and give them the option of coming in early today/Friday.  See, we have a rack of folders into which we throw our, uh, folders of work.  That is entirely filled, and there are several folders on top of the rack that I saw on my way out the door.  If that has ever happened while I was at this job, it's been years.

The cascade rolled down to me in The Fourth Department, too.  I was pulled out of that position to do data entry, and by the time I realized everyone else had left, I saw that there maybe were thousands of forms to key plus all my stuff I still had to do.  I usually give myself an extra two hours of overtime to finish all my work that day, but honestly, there was so much I had to push aside and so much new stuff that came from the lab that I would have to put in a full workday to get it all done.

I thought my boss would drop by where I was working to give me instructions on how to finish up what I can, but apparently he just left, so I texted him on his phone.  He told me I could stay an extra hour, and that's what I did.  But all my work in The Fourth Department is unfinished, and considering the new work that will come in today, a full workday will not be enough to get it all done.  I usually hate leaving work unfinished in The Fourth Department, but this I believe is unprecedented, and while I want to rack up the overtime, the circumstances that prevented me from wrapping up all my work convinced me this time to let it go and to heed my boss' wish to leave after nine hours at the job.  It's that bad, and again, I have no idea how in the hell a flight delayed 90 minutes could cause these disastrous knock-on effects.

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Oh, I was talking about food, wasn't I?  Yeah, so as you can tell, it got so busy that I almost missed afternoon break.  I did eat the banana I tided over from the previous day, and I decided I would eat the banana bread once I came home.  But right now, I don't know where it is.  I swear I brought it in with me.  If so, Father probably put it somewhere in the refrigerator (although I tried looking for it in there and I can't find it), or he ate it, or he threw it away.  Hope to Buddha it still isn't in the car.  But if so, I will eat it, and I will hope that it hasn't gone bad just because it's been in the car since I came home.

I hate forgetting where I put stuff.  It makes me think I'm losing my mind.

Went to the Fair last/Friday night.  Got there a couple hours later than I wanted to because I was blindsided by a huge pile of work that kept coming and coming.  I spent the maximum ten hours working yesterday/Friday, and it looks as if everyone was so overwhelmed trying to get the work done that my boss left without asking me how I was doing, which was swamped in work.  I think he wanted to get out of there, and already knew I was swamped at work, and so I think (or want to think) that at least on this day he would understand why I had to stay an extra two hours.  Hey, I like how the workday felt like old times, with the OT piling up and stuff.  I just didn't need it during Fair time.

Nevertheless, I spent between two and possibly 2 1/2 hours there, and after eating four items and drinking two, I actually felt that was long enough.  And of course, in that time I looked at all the talent showing off their bare bellies and stuff.  And it was nice, real nice.  However, like at the Cage The Elephant concert, I am getting so old that every babe who was showing off their hot bodies now look suspiciously young.  That can't be, but I am getting so old, man, so old.

This Is Not A One-Person Job

So I used to love The Third Department.  It seemed really easy, and all the tasks I learned I seemed to have done pat in no time.  That allows me to sneak in some downtime, and since I'm tucked away at a back corner, I feel as though I can do that without prying eyes.  It was absolute bliss.

Was, because since my co-worker was laid off/fired (or both), and everything fell to the only person now in that department, I could sense that all the work that was easily covered by two people easily overwhelms one.  No wonder why she wanted to take a couple days off.  And so, for yesterday and today, that whole department falls on me.  And, it sucks.

Maybe I was dragging yesterday/Thursday because I had to take my folks to the airport.  Or, I needed to make sure I got to work on time (after doing the McDonald's drive-thru; I thought I would have enough time after dropping my parents off at the airport, but for some goddamn reason I missed the 55 exit and had to take 35WN all the way instead, and that took extra time) because the new tardiness rules kicked in yesterday/Thursday.  Or, I was flummoxed when I was told I now take the seat vacated by my laid-off/fired co-worker. 

Probably all three factors conspired to start me on the wrong foot.  I have a checklist of things I need to do and when, but there was just so much stuff first thing in the morning that I didn't make headway.  Then, the big task with this department dropped on my head like an atomic bomb: Testing samples that came from a different lab.  There is a long list of things to do with each sample, I got more than a half-dozen of them.  They are such a high priority that I am supposed to drop everything and do those stat.  And since there were several of them, that took the majority of my day.

My supervisor had to bail me out by stepping and doing some of the work.  And yet more of these important samples that now have to be sent to other labs pretty much eliminated any chance that I would get to finishing all the things I was supposed to finish.  In fact, I had to leave one sample undone because I was under strict orders from my supervisor to not stay past 6.  I shrugged as I left.  There were messages in the inbox I hadn't even looked at and calls that needed to be made but weren't.  I didn't have the time to get to everything I needed to do before I was told to leave.  That doesn't make me feel any better.

This department is not a one-man job.  It simply isn't.  There was slack when two people shared the load, but it feels as though one person now must do the work of, like, 1 1/2 people.  And so it stands to reason that work will be left over for the next day ... when more work might pile on at the end of that day, and so on and so forth.  Things could snowball so badly that I would be so triggered and snap over the burden I am being told to carry.

I really don't like this.  I got help and the work still wasn't finished.  Am I expected to do everything by myself, especially when I only work there some of the time?  I can't believe my boss thinks that should be the case.  Because if he does ... well, another reason to look for another job!

I Should Be Happy Getting More Free Food, But I'm Not

So after making a 45-minute stop at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) to see my ATF (it was that short because work had me stay late -- we get work a day after they're collected, and Monday was Presidents' Day so it was a federal holiday so we shouldn't have gotten much work yesterday/Tuesday -- but we did!!!), I went to the Mexican fast food place close by me that is not Taco Bell.  The prices for their items are way expensive, so I got two things for $13+.

Maybe the first indication something was amiss was that the cashier didn't give me my change back.  She eventually did, and then she shoved the bag of food at me -- totally fine.  So I go home and tear into the first thing I see, a softshell taco that seems as "deluxe" as the description on the drive-thru board said it was.  Then I reach for the other item I ordered, a quesadilla ... but then I notice that there is a clamshell package underneath the paper bag from which I took out what I think is the deluxe taco I ordered, both of which are in a plastic bag.  That's a lot of packaging for just two items.

And then I open up the clamshell -- and I see a taco bowl.  I did not order a taco bowl.  And then I opened up the paper bag and see that it's not empty.  Oh, no -- there are six more items in there, two which probably are deluxe tacos and three ... I think this place calls them chilitos, but they're basically cheesy roll-ups in tortillas.

So yeah, they screwed up.  This may be the first time in my life a fast food place screwed up my order in which they gave me more food by mistake.  I sure as heck wasn't going to leave my house to give back the food.  But honestly, I am very bummed and, dare I say it, overwhelmed that, after I ate the taco bowl and one of these "chilitos," I still had five things to eat.  I already had a plan for what I would eat the rest of the workweek, none of which involves spending any money to eat: I got hot dogs out of the freezer and bought hot dog buns, and I also bought two cans of soup with which I was going to add to rice I was going to make.  Now I don't know what to do now that I have two tacos and three chilitos I have to eat before they go bad.  And on top of that, I haven't the faintest idea how to reheat the tacos.  Do I really have to scrape off the lettuce, cheese and tomatoes before reheating the tortilla and the meat?  Gosh, that takes so long!!!

Back To Vegas -- Maybe -- At 11 Tonight

OK, so this is what I was going to blog post until fatigue piled on me overnight ...

So my parents are coming home -- to the States definitely, probably only to Las Vegas -- at 11 o'clock (my time) tonight.  Thought they would be in Hong Kong a little while longer, but either they got bored or they had stuff to do.  Either way, they're in the States and it's freaking me the fuck out because there is every possibility that they'll fly home and not tell me, and the house is littered with my stuff.  Shit, there's a non-zero chance that they'll fly home in the morning.

That bullshit my parents pulled years ago, coming home and seeing the house laid out the way I want to (with my porno mags and cum towel out), traumatized me in a way that I have never healed from.  Goddamn them.  Goddamn them to fucking hell.  Because I am now frightened that they'll blindside me, and embarrass me, by coming home when I wasn't expecting them.

But I am doing anything?  No.  My stuff is still here, and while I've done some light packing, I haven't thrown anything away, and I haven't put anything in storage.  All my stuff ... fucking Christ, it's so overwhelming!  I have so much stuff, and I cannot part with any of it.  And I have gotten so depressed that my sentimentality is weighing me down that I get paralyzed.  Anything I do is not going to get me closer to my goal of going through my stuff.  And that was the plan when my parents left a month ago.

For all my trauma and the threat that they'll come home, I don't plan on doing any cleaning or storing, at least not yet.  I am banking on them being honest that they are not coming home for at least a month because they need to get their affairs in order in Vegas.  But they've lied before.  They always lie.  And yet I'm banking on them not lying because that gives me time to not panic and finally get around to my shit when I want to.

My self-hate that I haven't been able to go through my stuff like I wanted to is an issue I have to deal with later.  I need to worry about being able to go and throw everything into my storage unit when the time comes ... and if I know it's coming.

---

Oh, there are two other things I need to worry about.  One is the health of my uncle.  If something bad happens to him, of course the timeline moves up.  The other is all the alcohol I still have to consume.  If they come home when I least expect it, what do I do with it?

Not In A Good Place Right Now

I don't know why, but my mood over the car and everything else has crashed over the evening.  I had a deep nap of about half an hour after I cut short my phone session with my therapist over the phone because I was profoundly drowsy.  Usually, naps help me feel better.  But whether it was the unfairness over shelling out two grand for a new timing chain or the asshole who beeped at me on my way home from Target and Kentucky Fried Chicken for not doing a U-turn fast enough for him (get off me, fucker, I was waiting for the car to take a right before me and I didn't want to hit him!!!), I feel stressed, overwhelmed, and tired.

One thought continues to stick out at me as I type this: I don't want to use the car that I have rented.  Don't know why.  It works just fine, it serves my needs, and like I said in my previous blog post, I rented the car because I wanted to just fucking drive a car that wasn't going to give me any goddamn problems, even if it was only for just 48 hours.  (Still think that getting a rental that says service is due for it is a stupid, ironic joke, but it drives fine.)  And at $114 (plus gas) for two days it seems like a steal to me, even though I might be totally fooling myself.  Still, I don't like it.  I guess I hate that I don't trust my parents' minivan right now, with it unlocking itself and the door open indicator light coming on while I drive.

Or, maybe I don't like that I have to wake up at 6 to go to work.  Anyway, there's a decent chance I might rent another car for two days next week to tide me over until I get the car back.  I can get a rental for less than $100.  Can you believe it?  I might get over both my reticence over renting the car and my bad mood.

And This Is What I Feared The Most

OK, first off, the worst case scenario with what's wrong with my car has come true, at least if the mechanic is telling the truth: It's the goddamn motherfucking timing chain.  Well, maybe not that, but the other stuff surrounding the chain, like the actuator and the guides and stuff.  See, I was told that a timing chain is forever.  But apparently, because I was a bit late and lax in keeping up with my oil changes, the shit surrounding the timing chain started to wear out, and that threw the chain out of whack, and that's why the check engine light came on.  And it goes to the point of doing major car repair such as that that if there is one thing wrong down there, they might as well replace everything because it's in such a tough and important spot.  So the chain might be good, or the tensioner, or the belts, or the water pump.  You're just saying fuck it, we're changing it all.  

Well, at least I hope that's what the mechanic is going to do.  If I am going to sink two grand into this -- oh yeah, that's how much he's charging me -- he might as well do it all.  I am in no way happy about forking over that much goddamn money, don't get me wrong.  But I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, and so I am thinking that the first time all those lights came on, he was hoping it was the easier, cheaper fix of an oil change to reestablish oil pressure.  That didn't work, so it had to be the Armageddon scenario.  Yeah, the worst case scenario turned out to be the problem (again assuming that the mechanic both knows what he's doing and is being honest with me), but I don't think I would want to come to a dealership with this same problem and be immediately told it'll cost, oh, $2,500 to replace everything when I would suspect that he's ripping me off.

---

Meanwhile, I have been using my parents' minivan since Tuesday.  On Saturday, while driving to the library, the doors unlocked themselves and I saw the door ajar light, which is red (meaning "stop fucking driving and pull the fuck over now") blink on.  I tried locking the doors again, but pretty soon they unlocked again.

I could still drive, however, and while I am getting very, very paranoid that something else is going on with the van, I drove it to and from work with little incident.  On the way home last night, however, as the door ajar light came back on, the door lights you see when the doors are open flickered on and off.  I could still drive, but they were so fucking annoying that, when I got home, I not only opened the passenger door but the heretofore malfunctioning passenger-side slide door to make sure that indicator light didn't come on because they somehow had knocked ajar.

Big, big mistake.  I closed the passenger passenger door just fine.  But the passenger-side slide door kept closing and then automatically opening.  I couldn't get that goddamn thing to shut for five or ten minutes, and with the cold and with how my fucking day was going, it felt like I was trying to shut that door all night.  I was freaking the fuck out.  I cannot leave that door open; not only could someone just go in and try to hotwire the van, the door lights automatically come on when they're open, and if they stay on because the door is open all night, the battery will burn out.

I don't know how it happened, but I finally got the fucking door to close for good.  Maybe it needed warming up, in which case keeping that door closed for good will be a tad easier.  But that slide door has become a more important issue for me than the fact that the doors now do not stay locked.  If the less cold temperatures don't alleviate that problem -- and I'm thinking that the rough ride knocked some wires loose -- then I don't know what the hell to do.  In the meantime, I've been keeping an eye outside on the van to make sure the lights inside stay off.  It would just be my luck right now that a gust of wind or a final relinquishing of a lock pushes that goddamn slide door open.

---

I thought it was more than a luxury for me to be able to use two cars.  I hold the ability to move around town to be sacred, and so I wouldn't miss a step if one car needs to be serviced because I would have the other car.  But the 1-2 punch I suffered yesterday was my nightmare come true: That both of my cars would be broken at the same goddamn time.  One of them will be fixed next week -- when, who knows?  And now the doors of the backup vehicle may just pop open on the highway.

Tonight (meaning Wednesday evening) I reserved a rental car from the place just down the block for two days.  Even though I will be blowing a fucking hole in my checking account, I have been invited to not one but two stripper parties, today and tomorrow, and because my life has been so shitty lately, I am going to go to both and have fun, money be damned.  I wanted to make sure I was able to drive to both parties, and that's why I got the rental.  But I think there's something more important to me than that: With me being in control of two cars that don't work properly, I really, really want the feeling of being in a car that works just fine.  I don't want to look down and have my heart skip a beat because I see an amber indicator light go on.  I don't want to be frightened as hell that the slide door comes open while I'm driving 65 miles per hour (and by the way, that happened while I was driving the minivan either to or from the airport one night many years ago; that goddamn door slipped open, there was a huge buzzing noise as it stayed open, and I was hoping like crazy that I could keep it and myself together until I got home, which I did, thank Buddha).  I want a new car, basically, and I am shelling out $230 for that new car feel for 48 hours.

On Saturday, after I return the rental, I will hopefully be able to use the van to go out to the gym to exercise.  I can live with the doors unlocking themselves on the road; they lock and stay lock (at least I think) once I turn the engine off.  But if any door comes open, I will have no choice but to rent a car again.  Shit, I might have to if I'm not going to get my car back until Wednesday or Thursday.

---

Yesterday/Wednesday was a bad day.  A really bad day.  I am stressed and overwhelmed and tired and scared.  I want this nightmare to end.

I should look at the driveway to see if the minivan door is staying closed.

Goddamn Warning Lights Came Up On My Car Again ...

... and with the storm coming and the temperatures dropping right after it (although it's pretty cold now, and in fact I now think the cold temps are the reason those indicators are back on), I don't know if I even have the fucking time to deal with it.  Besides, it drove home just fine.  So fuck it, I'll bring it back to the mechanic (who, by the way, thought it was the oil level and/or pressure) when I do have the time.  And the energy.  Which I don't have right now because everything is fucking falling apart right now.

I Am A Hypocritical Gift Giver

Just bought my niece her presents at Amazon.  They should arrive at her/my brother's place in a week.

I bought her some of the gifts she wanted (which her mother/my maybe-still sister-in-law texted to me).  That's the best way for me to buy gifts for Christmas: I ask someone what he or she wants, and I give it to him or her.  It's better than me trying to figure out something that person would like, because I never know what he or she likes, and so the gift will be worthless to him or her.  I have bad memories of giving gifts to people, and they cannot hide their reaction of, "Ooooooh, great ... yeah, thanks for this," and my heart immediately sinks.

Possibly an in-between case that happened at work.  Our departments put out calls for a Secret Santa last week.  My supervisor handed over this piece of paper to which our Secret Santa will either get inspiration from or directly buy a gift; we will hand them out just before Christmas.  As the deadline was approaching I finally got around to reading this cheat sheet for my giver as well as the general guidelines.  The cheat sheet wasn't direct: It had vague themes such as, "My favorite scent is," and "If there was one thing I've been obsessed over all year, it's," etc.  The guidelines gave the parameters of the gift giving: Nothing over 30 bucks ... and no gift cards.

Dammit.  Our department didn't do a Secret Santa last year.  Instead, my supervisor just put up little stockings for each of us and encouraged all of us to drop small presents into them before Christmas.  I thought this was a great idea, so I bought a bunch of $20 gift cards from Target and wedged them in (the stockings were smaller than the width of the gift cards).  Maybe it was overkill, but I thought it was a great pick-me-up for the holidays (even though I was not there because I was doing my family vacation over the holidays in Hawai'i).

I decided not to do the Secret Santa.  Partially it was because I didn't know if I wanted to spend the time looking for a gift for someone who was not family.  Partially it was because I was looking at the cheat sheet and felt overwhelmed.  I don't know if I want my Secret Santa to know this stuff about me, I thought to myself.  But honestly, I think my decision not to do it comes from my feeling that I did not want to be confined to getting gifts for which I had no input.  I think I am of the mind that if you know what you want, why don't you get it yourself?

And obviously that mindset is ... well, dick-ish for this time of year, but also hypocritical.  For one, I need my niece to tell me what she wants me to give her.  Isn't my hypothetical recipient just doing the same thing?  And for another, I feel like a damn heel for not doing the Secret Santa while lustfully tossing money around for my co-workers last year.  Gift cards are an easy gift to give, maybe too easy.  But I felt good doing it because it was my idea, and my gift to you -- even though I gave you no say in what I am going to give you.  Isn't gift giving supposed to be for the person receiving the gift, not the one giving it?  That should be the case.  And if so, why in the fuckety-fuck do I have a problem giving someone a present he or she wants?

I feel absolutely awful now for not participating in the Secret Santa at work.  Moreover, I feel bad for giving out all those Target gift cards last holiday season and then not participating in the Secret Santa at work this holiday season.  My co-workers know about what I did last year and decided not to do this year, and my co-workers will probably think that I am at the very least strange and at the very worst a freakin' Grinch.  And they, I'm afraid, wouldn't be wrong.

I Don't Want To Care What He Thinks

Stayed till 7 at work last/Wednesday night.  I.  Am.  Not.  Dawdling.  My fucking God, I'm working as fast as I can while being as accurate and complete as I can.  If the other two can fucking work faster than me, Jesus fucking Christ, maybe they should be doing this job and I should be working fucking retail, OK?

(sigh)  I hate how the overwhelming thought in my mind ever since leaving work is how mad my boss is once he sees how long I stayed after.  Does he not think I bust my ass?  Does he truly think this work can be done in eight hours?  Because goddammit, it can't.  I'm doing my job.  And I hate that he or his bosses appear to be fucking bean counters and so my boss is coming up with more draconian and intrusive ways to stop me from working overtime.

My actions yesterday/Wednesday may not have helped.  I woke up with a sort of "fuck it all" attitude, so I stayed in my car to eat my Caribou oatmeal, and that made me six minutes late.  (There's a story about the increasing pain-in-the-ass parking at this Caribou has become, but I'll probably forget to blog post about it.)  Worse yet, there was a monthly meeting in the afternoon and I completely missed it because that's when I took my lunch.  I was sleeping when he started it, most likely.  I don't know if he's mad, but considering how he's cracking the whip on me, I'm going to say he is.  Hope to God he doesn't come back at me for missing that meeting in a passive-aggressive way.

This "problem" (I don't see it as one, but my boss does) isn't going away.  I will continue to do my work in the way I see fit, and day after day it becomes crystal clear that he doesn't agree if that means staying late.  I don't want to care about what anyone thinks of me and what I do.  But because he's my boss ... well, shit, I kind of have to.  Or, more likely I will listen to him go off on me for staying ten hours one day and I'll snap at him, or inadvertently mutter an insult, or reflexively give him the finger.

My relationship with my boss isn't great right now.  And if he keeps lording over me like this -- well, it might be time to move on.