The Minnesota Vaccine Rush Of 2021

So yesterday/Tuesday was the first day Minnesotans 16 and up can get a vaccination, and it doesn't matter if you have any underlying health conditions or not.  That means I can now (legally/ethically/morally?) can finally get a shot under the eyes of the state.  And since everyone in my immediate family has already gotten at least one shot, I can finally cure myself of FOMO.

Well, not yet.  I anticipated that come yesterday everybody would be flooding clinics, pharmacies and the state health care lines to sign up for one.  I don't know if that really was the case; much of the news around here is centered around the Derek Chauvin trial, as it should be, and I really didn't pay attention to the news anyway.  I figure I can wait.  I don't want to deal with the craziness, and if I have been able to dodge corona for this long, what's another two-to-four weeks?

I'm still not quite sure how I'll know when I get the anointed time to get my vaccine.  I have been looking around online, but everyone's saying they don't have any shots available right now.  And clinics are saying don't call us, we'll call you.  In the meantime I've been trying to log onto my online health care chart in case a nurse only left a message in my cloud file saying I am now eligible to get a COVID-19 shot, and I got locked out of an account for one of the clinics I go to.  Stupid me, I reset the password for it just the night before.  Now I have to call them, eesh.

As that's going on, I have to beat back both of my parents as they're saying, "Have you gotten your shot yet?  Have you gotten your shot yet?"  The Convention Center wouldn't give me one when I drove Father to get his second on Saturday, thank God.  I want to be able to do this (without getting the coronavirus, of course) by myself and without them friggin' gettin' all up in my business.  But the more this drags on, the more opportunities for them to say, "Have you gotten your shot yet?"  And if they somehow arrange a shot for me, I'll resent them for a long, long time, even if that's what I should do after all.

I'll be honest: I want the Pfizer.  I shouldn't act like a consumer, I know that.  But if things keep changing like they are, soon there will be more supply than demand.  That won't then make me just a recipient; that would make me a consumer.  So even though I'll be warned not to, I'll go around to pharmacies and clinics and ask, "Hey, which company vaccine do you have?"  And I don't know if Pfizer's better than Moderna or Johnson & Johnson.  I want the Pfizer because I have stock in Pfizer.  That's all.  Hope that doesn't make me shallow.

Ironically enough, however: The clinic for which I am locked out of my online chart left a message for me to a question about getting Mother a second shot when Walgreen's wouldn't schedule one for her.  In that message, the nurse answering my now-not-needed request blurted out, without me asking, that this clinic gets Pfizer.  I am fairly confident that they'll call me once they're ready for me to get my shot.  But I'm still a wee bit scared that a vaccination is waiting for me provided I can get into my chart online and look for a message saying there's been an appointment made for me.  If I don't reply in time, will they give up my space and shot to someone else?  Will that then mean I will have to settle for another clinic or pharmacy, and settle for a different shot?

You Take Your Victories Where You Can Get Them

Baylor beat Arkansas last/Monday night to reach the Final Four.  A lot of people in both of my pools predicted as such.  I didn't; I thought Purdue was going to win.  Silly me.  Because of that, I have a good, sobering feeling that my chances of winning any money in either pool has shrunk just about to zero.

However, earlier in the evening, Houston beat Oregon St. to reach the Final Four.  I predicted the Cougars to win, phew.  Any, and I mean any, chance I would have of winning money in either pool is dependent on Houston winning the National Semifinal/Final Four Game, like I have them doing.  And they would have to defeat, well, Baylor, who has been murdering teams throughout The Big Dance.  Gulp.

Oh, well.  I had to zag when others in these pools are zigging, otherwise the only differentiation between my bracket and theirs would be whether we had, say, Florida beating Virginia Tech, and I usually lose all those early-round Games.  And who knows, maybe Houston really buckles down on the offensive glass and Baylor has those periods of time where they can't score, except that it expands to, like, a ten-minute drought or something.

At any rate, I should look at the bright side.  The bigger of the two pools I'm in -- the way bigger -- is run by a guy who gives us updates on where we all stand by the round and/or day.  And because I still have my championship matchup intact (Gonzaga over Houston), plus picking USC to win its Sweet Sixteen Game, I have rocketed up the standings.  More often than not I have been on the bottom ... I mean, like, rock bottom.  No joke; I have compiled my final standing in relation to the group each Year, and once I was, like, 50th-worst and one Year I was 14th-worst.  This Year is different -- way different.  In fact, going into yesterday's Elite Eight Games, I was in 31st place.  I have never been that high in this man's pool before.  Ever.  And the pool is so big that he awards cash to the top ... 30 contestants.  So close!  And I might not be close anymore because other people picked Baylor and I didn't!

Maybe a better, more concrete accomplishment I should hang my hat on: With Houston beating the Beavers, I have picked at least one team to reach the Final Four for the first time in a long time.  I mean, I want to say that it's been at least five Years.  I could totally be wrong about that, I could just be flagellating myself with paper copies of my broken brackets from Years past, but recently I have been totally 0-for-4.  The Cougs might meet certain oblivion playing the Bears, but honestly, I am glad I accurately predicted a team to win a region because that means I don't completely suck at prognosticating sporting events.

Those two, uh, "wins," picking Houston to reach the Final Four and being on the cusp of getting into the money, for some reason reminds me of Harry Lime in the climactic scene of The Third Man:

Ooh, the feeling of picking the men's basketball tournament right -- so close!!!

Man, I left my headphones at home and I didn't realize it until I was at work.  I thought I needed to use them for my alumni club Zoom, and then I realized I didn't, but I didn't remember to pack my headphones.  And I thought I was going to die at work.  Man, I can't be without my headphones, so I'm going to buy another pair to pack.  Oy.  Don't know how I made it through!

2021 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 4

Record, Round 3: 3-6

Overall Record: 18-24

Total Outlay, Round 3: $800.00

Total Winnings, Round 3: $477.27

Total Loss, Round 3: $322.73

Up-To-Date Loss: $772.72

Oh my God, I am so fucking bad at betting.  Well, in real life I would be so reliant on parlays, even if I'm woefully behind.  But whether I'm leaning on favorites or underdogs, I just lost.  And what really killed me are betting on both Arkansas -11 1/2 and Syracuse +6 1/2, then using both on three parlays.  If just one wager failed I would have sunk all the parlays, but both wagers failed, so I really fucked myself.  And now I am down, uh, a lot.

---

Nut-cutting time.  If I am ever going to climb out of this (fake) hole, I will really need to crank up my bets.  And since this is an even Round, there is less turnaround time -- for teams to adjust to new opponents, and for me to not get all the information that will get out before the first Elite Eight matchup tips off early this/Monday evening.  With not all precincts reporting, I'll bet on the following:

1) Houston-Oregon St. Under 129 (The Slingshot Model [authored by The Athletic's Peter Keating] gives the Beavers a 29% chance of upsetting the Cougars.  Houston is favored by 7 1/2 Points.  I also have the Cougars winning this Game [and the next one, FYI], and since the gods don't want me to have nice things, I really should be fading the Cougs.  But I can't.  Instead, I will play the Over/Under.  Along with one other reason, which I explain below, this Game has two teams that love to plod, zone and confuse.  This makes for an environment where the first to 60 wins.  I just hope it's Houston) $200

2) Baylor-Arkansas Under 148. (From this point on, all Games will be played at Lucas Oil Stadium, the football stadium for The Bastard Baltimore Colts.  There is slight, faint patterns that teams are underscoring because of the ... uh, cavernous perspective shooters see when the background of the building they're playing in is a lot farther away than they're used to playing in a basketball arena.  I also see the Bears, who have been dominating so far this Big Dance, being able to slow down Arkansas, and for the Razorbacks to have trouble making their Free Throws.  Not completely confident, but hey, I need to toss some darts at this point) $200

3) Gonzaga -9 (Appreciate how USC is dominating its opponents up to this point ... almost as much as the Zags have.  Just looked at Slingshot; Keating give the Trojans a 24% chance of pulling off the upset.  Keating's only big contrast: Turnovers -- specifically, the Bulldogs don't give up any, but they generate a lot.  Guard play has been the bugaboo for SC's losses this Year, and it appears as though this will be the way Gonzaga wins -- and covers the spread) $150

4) UCLA +7 1/2 (OK, I am convinced that Mick Cronin can pull off one more upset and take down Michigan.  Even though Slingshot models these two as having a similar style, which means that the favorite can usually kill the underdog, I am thinking that the Bruins' embrace of the Three-Pointer in their upset of Alabama [boo!!!] will be the thing they use to at least keep this Game close.  Besides, I want the Wolverines to go down in an outlandish effort to shame the NCAA to eliminate the Play-In Games, and having yet another random at-large use the "First Four" as a ... well, slingshot to get a leg up on the competition would be one, uh, far-fetched way to bolster my case.  By the way, Keating gives UCLA the best chance at an upset, pegging them at 31%) $100

5) I have little confidence in any of the above wagers, so I'll make only one two-legged parlay: 1) and 2), for $100.

6) And hell, all four, for $50.

Good luck!

I Love Sports But I Can't Watch

I love sports.  I ... still like the tournament even though it started going bad in 2000 when it expanded to a disharmonious 65 teams and then fucked things up even more when they began this stupid partnership with Turner whereby Games were shunted off onto cable and, along with that, the decision to not switch to the endings of tight Games onto CBS.

Anyway, my bracket actually is looking pretty good right now.  I'm very certain that I have not had as clean a bracket as I do this Year, through this part of a Big Dance, ever.  While I lost Purdue very early and I only picked ten of the Sweet Sixteen, before the start of the Regional Semifinals I still had six of my Elite Eight, the other three of my Final Four, both finalists and, of course, my pick to win it all, Gonzaga.

That means I'm still alive to hit the money in both my friend's smaller pool and the Megalodon that is the big one.  And that should mean I have keen interest in the Sweet Sixteen and Elite Eight Games that began yesterday/Saturday and will finish up Tuesday.  I mean, why wouldn't I want to see Games that I have a personal stake in?

But I can't bear to watch.  Why?  These are Games that I have a personal stake in.  It is anxiety-inducing to feel as if every missed shot by my team and every made shot by the other team means that my chances of winning money are ruined.  This is why I love being a neutral: You won't get disappointed at the outcome of a Game, and therefore you can enjoy it without having your hopes and your feelings hurt.

I have teams riding in all four of today's/Sunday's matchups.  (For some reason yesterday I thought I didn't have Michigan winning in their Game today; checked my bracket at work -- whoops, I actually do!)  But I only tuned into Gonzaga's beatdown of Creighton on the radio after work and turned on the TV to see (well actually hear; I muted the television so I can concentrate on blog posting this) Michigan crushing Florida St. well after the outcome was decided.  I realized some time ago that I don't usually want drama when I have a side in a Game.  I love to see a blowout if my team is on the delivering end of that blowout.  If it's a close match and I want my team to win, screw it, I'm not listening or watching or doomscrolling or anything.  I'd rather see the result on ESPN.com or Twitter.  Feeling like I missed out on a great Game is worth missing out on witnessing my team lose.

I had Gonzaga and Michigan.  I have Alabama, which, as or press time, is about to tip off.  This is around the time I take my evening nap, which I will need to take since I won't be able to during the week because I pick up this test scoring job.  But I have set my alarm for later this evening when my alma mater plays.  Not only do I have a personal stake, but I have them winning in my bracket.  I wouldn't be watching (rather listening; this goddamn Game is on fucking TBS, so I'll have to listen through the radio) if not for the fact I felt I needed to organize a Zoom watch/listen party for other alumni in the area for the contest.  I will be so, so disappointed if they lose -- and I'll wish I hadn't listened.

Addendum To: Called Out For Being Late But Not Tardy ... Or Tardy But Not Late

OK, more than a week ago I received an e-mail from my boss tallying all the times I was punching in technically after my shift begins but before policy states that I am "late."  The tone of his e-mail made me think he was doing it because he had to.  We had a meeting last week, and turns out that is exactly why he sent it.  I didn't realize, even though I should have, that he sent a similar e-mail to everyone who works under him, and so there were grumblings that he was cracking down hard on everybody, which, in a perverse sense, shows how fair of a boss he's trying to be.  Still, I don't like what he's doing, and even if he is under orders, he is the one who is administering them.  If I have any objections with this (and as soon as I start coming in at 7:01 again I will), I have to take it up with him, not the people who really want to punish us for being late but not tardy ... or tardy but not late.  Whatever.

Which brings me up to possibly the worst thing about this stupid idea.  As bosses go, I think he's a good one.  Not to say that I would know, since this is the first "real" job I have ever had, so I don't have much experience with authority figures who can seriously impact my life.  I mean, people I worked for when I was a temp could have been assholes, to which I know I can just mentally check out because pretty soon, I would never have to see them again.  But I lucked out with this job.  I think.  So far.

Unfortunately, even though I guess I should cut him some slack over this, this e-mail is a helpful reminder that he may be a good boss, but he is still my boss.  There are some things he is going to do that I simply will not like.  And those will be the times that I have to remember that there is a divide between people at work, especially when those people are on different levels in the company.  As it should be, I think.  There are conflicts of interest that could pop up and, if a something serious happens, accusations of impropriety could be leveled against you if you are fraternizing with those above (or below) you in the organizational chart.  More importantly, at least the way I see it, it makes my life a whole lot easier if you keep your bosses, and maybe even people at work (I'm wrestling with widening the circle to this extent), at a distance.  You let them in, you start to believe you two are friends, and then he or she does something and you feel so betrayed, and then you get so upset that you can't work there anymore, and so you have to find a new job, which is a pain in the ass.

My boss had done some fun things to boost morale in the workplace in the past, and even though I appreciated it, it doesn't seem necessary.  Work is work, and sometimes such activities seem forced.  Also, though, one gets (well, I get) the sense that my boss wants to be seen as human.  Look, no one wants to come off as a bad person.  But ... he's the boss.  By definition, at times he will be a bad person.  And so I think it behooves me to keep thinking that way in order to keep a good perspective at my job.

2021 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 3

Record, Round 2: 6-10

Overall Record: 15-18

Total Outlay, Round 2: $2,000.00

Total Winnings, Round 2: $1,497.91

Total Loss, Round 2: $502.09

Up-To-Date Loss: $449.99

I thought I would now do well on even Rounds of the tournament because I would understand how momentum is going for the surviving teams and base my phantom bets on that.  That was not the case this time.  I swung and missed big with Wisconsin and Colorado, both of whom I Best Betted Against The Spread and Straight-Up.  And as much as there have been so many upsets this Big Dance (the average seed for the remaining 16 seeds is just under 6, an all-time high), I made fake bets on eight underdogs and lost on five of them.  And so my meager gain for Round 1 has given way to a huge deficit for Round 2.

---

Generally, my wagers for Round 3 are unsteady.  But here goes nothing:

1) Baylor -7 1/2 (I didn't think Villanova would make it this far.  But here they are, only to await a sure beatdown by the Bears, who I think is going to go a long way because I need them to lose in order for my bracket and picks to succeed, and I know they won't because I am a damned person) $100

2) Arkansas -11 1/2 (How in the hell did Oral Roberts reach the Sweet Sixteen?  Kudos to them -- even though they are an evangelical school and will probably think their success on the hardwood somehow means that Trump is still the real president or some shit -- but give those kudos before an Arkansas squad that has had five days to break down tape and prepare eliminates them with the quickness) $100

3) Syracuse +6 1/2 (If I am to win any money, any, in this Year's March Madness, I need, need, Houston to win.  Which means they probably don't.  The Cougars need to be disciplined enough to crash the offensive glass and get the rebounds the Orange will surely give up in its zone Defense.  But will being disciplined enough be good enough?)  $100

4) Gonzaga -13 1/2 (Yeah, I don't know how in the hell Creighton has survived this far, either.  And they are certainly going to be blown away by the Gonzaga juggernaut ... right?) $100

5) Florida St. +2 1/2 (Am I underestimating Michigan?  I still don't think they can go far without its Point Guard, but they looked pretty good in its first two Games.  Meanwhile, I swear I have the Seminoles going to the Final Four every other Year.  For my sake I hope this Year ain't it.  But golly, I think FSU has the length and the athleticism to take this one.  And I think Leonard Hamilton can outcoach Juwan Howard) $50

6) USC -2 (Just a feeling) $50

7) Parlay 2) and 3) together, for $150.

8) Four-legs: 1) through 4), for $100.

9) What the hell -- 1) through 6), for $50.

Good luck!

Goddammit, Can You Just Let Me Get My Shots By Myself?

So I'm taking my old man to get his second vaccination.  And I knew that my parents would say, "Hey, why don't we ask if you can get a shot?"  And that turned to, "OK, you're gonna walk in with me and we are gonna ask if we could get a shot, OK?"  Even though I do not have an appointment, I currently do not meet eligibility requirements to get a shot, and the state of Minnesota will expand eligibility to include everybody over the age of 15 on Tuesday.  But no, I'm supposed to walk my ass alongside him and beg if I could cut in line and get a shot alongside him.

This is another instance where I am being babied by my folks even though I can take care of this by myself.  Yes, this is a very contagious and possibly dangerous virus, and yes, I do understand that my parents just want me to be safe.  But I've been able to dodge the coronavirus this long, and I think I am disciplined enough to continue to do this.  Besides, I only have to wait one more goddamn week before I can sign up for a shot.  Instead, I have to potentially be humiliated in front of strangers who think I'm a weasel for trying to get my vaccine before it's my turn.

What a stupid goddamn idea.  I don't have to fucking do this.  But my parents really, really want me to, and if I resist long and hard enough, they're going to pull the "If you could do this by yourself, you'd be living by yourself," and I know that it's already in the back of their minds when they brought up this bullshit at dinner.  Can't they just leave this alone?  Can't they just leave me alone?  This is so fucking infantilizing.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Wild (Last Week: -2).  This team has been mightily impressive, and with their 3-1 screening Week they easily top the WMNSS for this Week.  But there is a strong Jekyll-And-Hyde vibe working here.  The squad's on a three-Game winning streak, sweeping two from Anaheim and outlasting St. Louis 2-0.  But that comes on the heels of a 6-0 groin punch in Denver by The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.  The Wild have an 11-Game win streak at home, longest in Wild history.  But they are only ... well, 8-8 with one Overtime Loss is not a bad road record, especially when compared to 13-3 at home.  But whenever this club visits other arenas, especially against West Division leaders Las Vegas and said Bastard Nordiques, they look mighty mortal.

At least they're in a somewhat-safe third place in that division.  For a team that was seen as fighting for a final playoff spot, the schedule favors them reaching the postseason.  But they have to, well, strike out on the road this Week -- two Games at San Jose, then the first of two against the Golden Knights.

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4).  Early Saturday afternoon they were blanked by Rutgers, 1-0, the second straight loss on the road against a ranked team.  OK, so this XI has a good idea on where they stand vs. the elite in top-flight women's college soccer.  They returned home -- actually back to Elizabeth Lyle Robbie Stadium, their true home pitch, for the first time all season -- and defeated Purdue Thursday afternoon by the same 1-0 result.  For those keeping track, that is now five Goals Scored (none of them tallied in the team's two Draws or three Losses), seven Goals Allowed.  Senior Day (such as it is; I think only families are allowed to attend) is Sunday afternoon as the Golden Gophers host Maryland.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -5).  I think I said before that I have no idea how people think this Nine is going to do in 2021.  But right now it's accurate to say that this has been a really, really rough start.  In the final run of 11 Games to begin the season at U. S. Bank Stadium -- even though for this past weekend the Gophers were the road team -- Northwestern took two out of three.  (Interestingly enough, the loser in all three Games scored exactly three Runs.)  Gopher baseball is now 3-8 as they strike out for their first true road series, at Nebraska, this weekend for a four-Game series.

#-4: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -1).  After postponing (for now) the first of a home-and-home vs. Wisconsin, turns out the U. was able to field a team for the home Game Sunday night.  However, they had to play without two starters, Junior Lebero C. C. McGraw and Freshman Setter Melani Shaffmaster, and the top-ranked Badgers were able to take advantage, beating the then-fourth-ranked Gophers in four Sets.  It's only their second loss of the abbreviated season, but depending on how long McGraw and Shaffmaster are out, do you get the feeling that this team is going to take at least half a mulligan on the Year -- you know, saying that if they get into the tournament and do well, good, but if not, so what, it was the pandemic?  I get the feeling they could mentally go that route.

The final road contests of the 2021 season -- at Northwestern for a pair.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  A winless screening Week (Phoenix, Bastard Sonics, Dallas) keeps the Woofie Dogs in the basement of the National Basketball Association.  And yesterday/Thursday afternoon's Trade Deadline came and went without any Timberwolf that has been in the news as trade bait (Jarrett Culver, Josh Okogie, Naz Reid, Ricky Rubio) being set from of this damned franchise.  And still I feel as though things are a hell of a lot better than they were at the beginning of the season and even at the All-Star Break.  There is a sense that rock bottom is already behind this club, and that with D'Angelo Russell almost ready to return from injury and Malik Beasley almost set to return from his suspension, people and the front office can at least begin to imagine seeing the team, as good or as bad as it may be, the way the front office imagined it would be.  That's very little, but that's better than nuttin'.

Even better, the Wolves start off the screening Week with a two-Game home series versus the Houston Rockets, who have gone from a prime title contender to a laughingstock that recently suffered through a 20-Game losing streak.  If Minnesota can't win at least one of these tilts, there's no hope for them.  The squad then goes out to Brooklyn (good luck with that) before coming home to play New York.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher wrestling and Gopher men's basketball (Re-Entry! and Re-Entry!, respectively).  Let's start with the U. grapplers, who just finished the NCAAs in St. Louis last weekend.  The team wasn't going to contend for the title; those days are gone.  (Iowa won going away.)  But at least the Gophers brought home some hardware.  Apple Valley Junior Gable Steveson claimed the Heavyweight championship by defeating contender Mason Parris of Michigan, 8-4.  Steveson is the 18th Gopher to win an individual title in the sport but the first to do so since fellow Heavyweight Tony Nelson in 2013.  Congratulations to the badass Steveson!

And while I don't think moral victories are worth that much celebrating, I want to recognize Sophomore Patrick McKee, out of St. Michael.  McKee, who wrestles at 125 lbs. and was seeded 15th, lost his second match but then ripped off six victories in a row in the Wrestlebacks to claim third place.  From 15th to third, and coming back from an early setback to end your year with six straight wins?  That's good!

As a team, Minnesota finished tied with Missouri for seventh place.  Nowhere close to first, but at least we got one belt.

And now to the male ballers, who ... well, I'm not exactly sure they fired Richard Pitino.  The delay in not immediately letting him go after the Gophers were eliminated by Ohio St. in the Big Ten Conference Tournament probably was due to a combination of negotiating terms, allowing Pitino to find a landing spot, and, come to think of it, maturity in planning for a leadership transition.  Pitino did land on his feet; less than 24 hours after the U. announced his dismissal, he was named the new Head Coach at New Mexico.  And you know what?  The outpouring of congratulations and support from people up here (at least from what I saw on Twitter) may be the model way of switching Head Coaches.  And most of the credit belongs to Pitino, who carried himself with class and integrity, and so his departure, which many fans of the program thought was long overdue, was met with sadness, and his path to The Pit with sincere joy.  (And it makes the headline on Chip Scoggins's latest column look very harsh.)

With all that said, the announcement that Pitino will be replaced by Ben Johnson has been applauded, for the most part.  All HC changes are done with the assumption that the successor's strengths are in the same areas as the predecessor's weaknesses.  As ... poor (being a nice guy means that it's difficult to trash him, as factual though it may be) as his rotation sets and Xs and Os are, the most glaring inability Pitino exhibited was convincing high schoolers from Minnesota to stay in Minnesota.  You may not notice this, but right now, this state is experiencing a Golden Age of prep hoopsters.  More and more high schoolers are getting noticed on recruiting sites, and over the years Minnesotans are leaping up Top 250 and Top 100 lists.  It hits its apex last offseason, when Jalen Suggs, out of St. Paul and Minnehaha Academy, was named the #1 high school prep recruit in the nation.

And ... Suggs went to Gonzaga, which is poised to become the first top-flight men's basketball team to run the table and win the championship for the first time since Indiana in 1976.  I think he threw a bone to Minnesota, saying they're one of his "Final Four" schools or something, but we all know he was just being nice to the provincial barbarians guarding our state's borders.  Too many blue chip Minnesotans escaped the state (Tyus Jones, Tre Jones, Reid Travis, etc.).  And that's why Golden Gopher Athletic Director Mark Coyle tabbed Johnson, who is said to have extensive and deep contacts with the state's AAU network.  He also -- and this is important, maybe too important -- is One Of Us, a Minneapolis resident from DeLaSalle who transferred to the U. after two Years at Northwestern.

What Johnson doesn't have is any Head Coaching experience.  He's bopped around the coaching scene since graduating, including five seasons with the Gophers under Pitino.  Coyle brought him back from his job being an Assistant Coach at Xavier.  This is his first time helming the ship.  Should his virgin voyage be for a BcS school?  In that sense, Coyle did not break from Johnson's predecessor; Pitino had just finished his first Year at Florida International before he was hired at the U.  Would someone who ticks the Minnesota boxes but is more seasoned have been a better choice, such as Brian Dutcher at San Diego St. or Craig Smith out of Utah St.?  Maybe, but there are two other factors to consider.  One, the pandemic has squeezed every athletic department's bottom line, so maybe Coyle wanted to bring in Dutcher or Smith but couldn't meet their price.  And two, recently Coyle was scrutinized for helming an athletic department that did not have one Person Of Color as a team's Head Coach.  Did placating a form of racial inequity result in a hire who is not up to the job?

COVID Vaccine FOMO

My sister just sent the family a photo of both of her vaccination cards.  She got her second shot yesterday, so in two weeks she'll be fully vaccinated.  She is younger than me, but as a Ph. D. candidate she also lectures, which means she lectures, which means she technically is an educator, and so she was eligible to get her shot.

Meanwhile, last week (last Thursday, in fact), my brother posted a photo of his first vaccine card to us.  I don't know how in the hell he got his.  He's only a year older than me, and even though I think he's in worse health than I, I don't think he had any of the underlying conditions that would have made him eligible to get the shot now.  Was he a vaccine vulture, lurking at pharmacies late at night in case there were extra vaccinations available that otherwise would have gone to waste?  Did he call up his doctor?  Did he cajole his doctor?

Meanwhile, my parents, after some early anxiety, have gotten theirs -- almost.  Mother, who got her first shot at a Walgreen's pharmacy, was told by them she couldn't schedule her second, was told by that same pharmacy later to just come in the day she was supposed to get her second (a month after she got her first) and they'll find time and a shot for her, was told by that same pharmacy later later not to come in because they had no vials of vaccine, and was later later later then called by another Walgreen's pharmacy two days before she was supposed to get her second and told her they had shots and they could give her one ... so long as she left for the pharmacy immediately.  Which my parents did.  Finally, I take Father for his second vaccination Saturday.  Two weeks after, my parents will be fully vaccinated and I won't have to worry about inadvertently giving them COVID-19.

In the meantime, I am still waiting.  Haven't gotten my first.  Haven't been able to schedule my first.  According to the Minnesota Department of Health, I am not eligible for a shot yet.  And yet, seeing the rest of my close family, including my two healthy siblings, get theirs, I have to admit I am getting a burgeoning case of Fear Of Missing Out.  I think I've been careful, and I think I can continue to use guidelines that have kept me safe from the start.  But this is the end of the tunnel, and if my brother and sister can already get it, why can't I?

Still, I'm conflicted.  I do not want to be seen as cutting in line.  But (and I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist) is demand really outstripping supply, or could it actually be the other way around?  I want to get this goddamn coronavirus behind me, and yet I feel like I'm back in junior high school, wondering what do the cool and happy kids have that I don't.  Jealousy is a dangerous emotion to have, and yet I am starting to feel jelly.

The First Of What May Be Many Short Blog Posts

So not only have I taken up this evening test project, I am coming in to work two hours early for overtime at my main job.  I don't even know if I can come in two hours early -- I think I've been told I can do that in the past, so I think that's the rule, so I am doing it.  But that is going to make me one tired, hurtin' motherfucker.  I am frightened that I won't be able to get through training later tonight.  Shit, man, I don't know if I can stay awake tonight.  And I really, really need to make sure I can stay awake at work today.

Ah, to be a slave in a capitalist society.

First Night, Not Bad

All day at work yesterday I was anxious and a little angry that I had no idea how the first night of Working From Home (WFH) for the test scoring place.  I was tired as fuck after coming home and eating dinner, but there was no time nor chance for me to sleep.  I got up, threw all the shit I kept in my desk down on the floor, set up my computer and mouse, moved the bed so I could plug my laptop into the power strip down by the baseboard, turned my computer on, logged in ... and then I waited an hour-plus while the administrators were doing their best getting everyone who signed up for the project on the quasi-Zoom meeting.  We then went through three hours not of training, but the rules while working, and WFH, for this company -- when do we get breaks, no using your phone during work, etc.  We did finally start training -- on how to use the meeting software we have to use, not of the question(s) we are going to grade.  And then our shift for the night was over.  There probably will be some more of that tonight.

It was a lot of spinning my wheels, but hey, I'm getting paid for it.  So I'm now less anxious.

I'm also tired as fuck.  I need to go to bed.

Called Out For Being Late But Not Tardy ... Or Tardy But Not Late

This is so fucking stupid ... last week, out of the blue, I get an e-mail from my boss scrutinizing when exactly I punch in to work.  You're allowed leeway, like five minutes from when you're supposed to start (although I also was once told ten, but whatever).  Swiping in after that grace period raises a red flag with bosses.  You allowed only so much before you're called in for, uh, "remediation."  If you're really bad and do it frequently enough, that's grounds for getting fired.  But it rolls over every 365 days, so if you've been really bad for, like, a week, after a year it's off your record.  Besides, they have made exceptions for tardiness when there's been, like, a huge snowstorm that makes it difficult for people to get to work.

This bullshit e-mail is different.  My boss noted that I have not been "late" or "tardy" (I don't know which word is the one I'm supposed to use, but the two are not interchangeable), but for the past month he noted the number of "late/tardy" punches, and he deemed it unacceptable, even though I technically have not run afoul of company policy when it comes to getting to work on time.  He said some fuckin' BS about "not being an ideal worker for the company" or some such.  And then he said, and this is the thing that galls me, is that he is going to be tracking how many times I am late but not tardy (or tardy but not late) for ... well, from now on, fuck if I know, and he'll track by how many minutes I am late.  You fuckin' kidding me?!?!?!  I cannot help but think of that as nothing but a threat.

That leads to self-demeaning acts of stupidity and oppression like yesterday.  I wanted to try and be "a good boy" and get to work on time.  And yet, I still wanted to buy coffee and a bite to eat, and then eat that bite to eat in my car, before punching in.  I got up and got out of the house early to ensure that I could do this all.  But goddamn me for not building in enough time (and, maybe, for ordering oatmeal) and then thinking I could do all this before 10 a.m.  It got down to the brass tacks whereby I ate the rest, tried to gather up my bag, my gloves, and my mocha, and then march through the front door.  I looked down at my watch just after I closed the door to my car and saw it was 10 on the dot.  I didn't feel like running to the door; that would be demeaning, and besides, I didn't know if I wanted to jump through these hoops for my boss, especially since he usually doesn't come in on Sundays.  And yet, when I punched in, it was 10:01, and all I could think of was GODDAMN HIM, HE'S GOING TO FUCKING CALL ME OUT ON THIS!!!  I AM ONLY ONE MINUTE LATE, FOR FUCKING GOD'S SAKE!!!

There is a part of me that thinks he's only doing this because he has to.  The words he used in that e-mail were boilerplate, as if he was following a template of an e-mail he has to send out to prove to his bosses he is keeping his employees in line by making sure they swipe in when the company wants us to.  And I still think ... well, want to think that he's a good guy.  But I harken back to my co-worker getting pissed off over an e-mail my boss sent to her.  And I'll just reveal it now: She told our supervisor, probably venting but there is always a patina of intention when someone says this, that he wanted to rip my boss' head off.  I'm not there -- yet.  Let's just fucking see if I actually want to get to work on time, and if I don't, what the fuck is going to happen to me.  And in the meantime it might behoove me to polish my resume, reach back out to my temp agencies, and think about going back to school again.

Getting The Porn In

I am starting my night test scoring job tomorrow, and I don't think I'll have the energy to look through porn after my shift is over -- I think.  Also, I am scared that if I start looking at porn once my project begins, I'll conflate the two.  I am working from home through this laptop, the same device through which I look through porn.  I don't know how, but if I am somehow caught looking at it by my bosses with the project ... well, I'm screwed.

Which means that all this week I am trying to get through as much porn as possible.  By that I mean I blog posted Hottest Babe In the Hooters Calendar, and I think I will purchase some more porn through OnlyFans for, possibly, one final wank tonight.  (I still want to review last year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue -- and I should because this year's is coming soon -- but I don't think I'll have time for that.  Maybe next week.)  Starting tomorrow and for about the next month, I'll have to be a good boy.  And if I rock out with my cock out tonight, I think I can last for that month.  Possibly.  Maybe.

2021 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 2

Record, Round 1: 9-8

Total Outlay: $1,400.00

Total Winnings: $1,452.10

Total Gain: $52.10

I had Purdue as my Final Four team out of the South, and once they got upset by North Texas (goddammit, why couldn't you hit your Free Throws?!), I metaphorically trashed my bedroom.

But I'm better now.  As of the end of Round 1, my bracket is, surprisingly, clean ... well, not the South, obviously, but the other three Regions are not filled with red slashes.  I still have my other seven of my Elite Eight, and I only lost one other Sweet Sixteen pick, Cal-Santa Barbara (aw, shit, Sow, why couldn't you make that lay-in, man?).  I'm probably done as far as the megapool is concerned, and I now have no margin for error in my friend's smaller pool of picking just the Final Four.  But I have to be honest: I think I am doing as well as I have ever done through the Round of 64 in any tournament.

By the way, I apologize for not putting a dollar amount on my St. Bonaventure bet.  Please believe me when I say that I would have laid down $100.

---

Now comes Round 2, and as upset-y as Round 1 already is (one #2, one #3 and two #4's have already been eliminated), usually the upsets come in this Round.  I have looked at the Slingshot/Bracket Busters model on The Athletic, and even though it only has the percentages for Sunday's Round 2 matchups, it has got me thinking that I could be laying down a lot of fake bucks on the underdogs.  Plus, I have come to the conclusion that you can get a better read on even-Round Games that are played two days after teams play.  I think that odd-Round Games are a good indicator of where that team is at, and the lack of preparation for the next opponent means that a team's game plan will largely remain the same, and so how well (or not well) they play will largely remain the same as well.

(Aside: Normally, I don't see odds for the back half of Round 2 Games until the morning before.  That would crimp my style this Year because I have to work in the morning.  But it appears as though Covers.com has odds on the teams that won last/Saturday night save for Gonzaga-Oklahoma.  I think demand from gamblers has compelled sportsbooks to throw up opening lines sooner than they used to, and that's good for me blogging about March Madness.)

So here goes -- and I expect to eke out a good record and make even more money:

1) Loyola-Chicago +7 1/2 (Slingshot/Bracket Busters, written by former analytics writer for ESPN The Magazine Peter Keating, really likes David's chances of beating this Goliath.  The Ramblers were horrifically underseeded and currently sport the most efficient defense in top-flight men's college basketball.  And there's one other, uh, omen: Illinois was unheralded at the beginning of the season, and teams that make a long run in The Big Dance are known commodities ranked highly at the beginning of the Year.  No one who has looked at the Fighting Illini thinks they're susceptible to a slip.  Could this be the close call many teams have to sweat through on their way to a championship -- or worse?) $100

2) Wisconsin +6 1/2 (A similar situation to the above for the Badgers going up against Baylor -- with the caveat that I think Baylor is overrated and they won't reach the Final Four.  So I will Best Bet this ...) $200

3) Wisconsin M/L +235 (... and say that the Badgers win outright.) $100

4) Syracuse +4 (Similar to the above two.  I have the Orange reaching the Sweet Sixteen.  But as much as Jim Boehiem's 2-3 Zone paralyzes foes who realize they're playing the 'Cuse on two days' notice, West Virginia appears to have the capability of neutralizing it, at least according to Keating.  I wish I could bet in alignment with my bracket, but I'll take the pussy way out) $50

5) North Texas +5 1/2 (I had neither the Mean Green nor Villanova winning.  So I'll fade Goliath without his Point Guard again.  By the way, the line has been pushing North Texas' way since it opened at +7) $100

6) Oregon +4 (Well, well, well ... we come to an unprecedented question that had once only been a thought exercise: How do you fair as a team who had a walkover because the team you were supposed to play couldn't?  That's what the Ducks were gifted once VCU came down with an outbreak of COVID-19.  So even though they prepared for a Game that didn't happen, they have essentially two days of rest to face an Iowa opponent that has probably Player Of The Year Luka Garza and some three-Point shooting but a somewhat porous Defense.  That seems incredibly unfair to the Hawkeyes.  Also, I'm making this pick based on a reporter in the Eugene area who tweeted that Oregon is going to scare the shit out of a Second Round team.  Might as well Best Bet this ...) $200

7) Oregon M/L +157 (... and say they'll upset Iowa Straight-Up) $100

8) UCLA-Abilene Christian Under 133 (I have the Bruins in the Sweet Sixteen.  But both they and ACU like to slow down the tempo.  I think I'll take a flyer) $100

9) Ohio +5 1/2 (Did not pick either the Bobcats nor Creighton to advance to this Round.  But this is a Heat Check pick; although Ohio sputtered down the stretch before surviving Virginia, the Bluejays only won because that due for UCSB missed that bunny) $50

10) LSU +5 (This might be the Round in which Michigan misses its starting PG) $100

11) Colorado +1 (I have the Buffaloes reaching the Sweet Sixteen.  [I initially picked Florida St., but decided to switch after I wrote down the Seminoles in my bracket.  I rarely do that.]  I think a hot-shooting team from deep will beat a lengthy, physical club that nonetheless has trouble getting Rebounds.  Best Betting this ...) $200

12) Colorado M/L +66 (... then saying they'll win SU) $100

13) USC -1 1/2 (Believe it or not, the sixth-seeded Trojans are favored over third-seeded Kansas.  It's a tight line, but I'll throw in some more money) $200

14) I'd be nothing if I didn't parlay my Best Bets -- 2), 6) and 11), for $200.

15) Parlay 3), 7) and 12), for $100.

16) Three-legged parlay: 1) with 10) with 13), for $100.

Good luck!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February

Need to tell y'all that I already masturbated to this month as a way of determining which of these young chicks are the hottest.

A bevy of 16 women have photographs this month -- a large number of a month that's the shortest of any in a year.  And overall, the quality is dragged down by the mediocre pictures and posing.  And it doesn't help that, since it's the month of Valentine's Day, all the babes here are wearing red, which only reinforces the sameness.

Quick word about one of the also-rans: Bree, from Westminster, Colo., who sold me my 2020 calendar, is in this month.  But she's posing with her right side toward the camera, and her right arm is in front of her body.  Kind of a blah picture.  And, come to think of it, she wasn't the warmest Hooters waitress to serve me.  And it's not as if she signed this year's calendar.  I'll pass on her and wish her well next year.

I can parcel out five hotties from this month.

In fifth place is Jerika, out of Weston, Fla.  I like her long dark hair and especially her smile.  But she's shot with her hands holding the straps of her bikini top.  That not only partially hides her boobs, which are on the small side.  It also calls attention to her hands.  Why are they up there?

In fourth place is Kayla, from Melbourne, Fla.  She's a slim blonde, if her stomach is any indication.  And she's got long blonde hair.  But her wan expression ain't that pleasing to the eye.  Plus, she is a bit flat up top, so as impressive as her flat stomach is, she gives off an emaciated vibe.

In third place is Ashlyn, hailing from Jacksonville, N. C.  Not too many things to pick on with this photograph.  She's wearing a hot pink one-piece number that's cut out on side, you know what I mean?  That shows off some impressive abs, which really is wanktastic.  And she's posed with her right arm up and her right hand held behind her head, which is a different look without being distracting.

In second place is Ashlie, out of Madison, Wisc.  She kind of looks like Demi Lovato with longer hair.  She is posing in front of a lake, I think.  She's got a a broad smile, is impressively tan, and has big boobs, which is a plus!

Finally, the woman who is tops for February is the main girl, Averey, from Mesa, Ariz.  She's posing in front of a pool featuring a man-made waterfall.  She's clutching a white curtain off to the shot's right for some reason, but that's the only quibble I have with her.  Otherwise, she's fantastic: Great-looking two-piece bikini, long brown hair, impressive curves and a sexy, tight-lipped smile.  She's fuckin' gorgeous.

So congratulations to Averey!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  The Pride On Ice did not need to win the B1G Tournament (held in a bubble in South Bend, Ind.); it felt certain that they would be in The Ice Dance (I'm trying to make it work, shut up).  But the U., seeded second in the tourney, survived a pair of thrillers over bottom-feeder Michigan St. Sunday and Michigan Monday before upsetting top-seeded Wisconsin 6-4 Monday in a seesaw of a Game to take the tournament title.  The Gophers extended their 2-1 lead with three Goals in a span of about 2 1/2 Minutes to take a 5-1 lead into the Second Intermission.  But the Badgers were able to string three Goals of their own together (the first two about 90 Seconds apart) before Blake McLaughlin iced the Game and the conference tournament title with an Empty Netter.

After a couple fallow seasons away from postseason play, this is solid proof that the program under Bob Motzko is finally on the upswing.  The offense, as you could tell from the tilt Tuesday night, will be this squad's calling card.  But with that championship, I think the U. is in line to be a #1 seed.  It'll probably be out in Loveland, Colo., in the West Region.  We'll see when the 16-team field is selected on Sunday.  But at least for one year, these young men are where they should be, and that should be reason to celebrate what can be brighter days ahead.

#0: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  This is more like it.  After a choppy start, the fastpitchers completed a three-Game sweep of Rutgers and then won all three Games versus Michigan St., all over the weekend.  It's a 4-0 screening Week and a six-Game winning streak, but they're on the outside of the softball polls that I've seen, a consequence of dropping three early Games.

Oh, well.  The club finally leaves the bubble of warm Leesburg, Fla., and begin a conventional routine, visiting Illinois for the weekend and a four-Game set.

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Re-Entry!).  After two Weeks of inactivity due to COVID-19, the volleyballers finally got back on the court and took a pair against Illinois at Maturi over the weekend.  Unfortunately, a spread-out home-and-home series vs. Wisconsin, the top-ranked team in the country, is now in doubt.  Last/Thursday night's series-opener in Madison was postponed because of player depletion issues (because of coronavirus protocols) -- and for the second time this season, these issues are emanating from the Gophers' camp.  The Games against Ohio St., slated for the 5th and 6th, were also postponed (and likely canceled) because the U., frankly, couldn't get their shit together.  I have little patience for a team that has had to pause more than once because of COVID.  One delay and everybody should have learned their lesson.  A second delay?  People are being sloppy and/or lazy.  And I am docking the team for it here on the survey, even with an undefeated Week.

The return date is supposed to be Sunday night.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -2).  They completed a rare, pandemic-dictated three-Game sweep of The Bastard Winnipeg Jets that completed a perfect 5-0 homestand.  And then last/Thursday they marched out to Denver ... and got hammered by The Bastard Quebec Nordiques, 5-1.  So it appears as though we have a Jekyll/Hyde situation here.  Still there are green shoots: Kirill Kaprizov is as good as advertised, Matz Zuccarello is earning the contract that he didn't when he signed it, and even though there is an adage that if you say you have two #1 Quarterbacks you really don't have any, the Goaltender tandem of Kappo Kahkonen and Cam Talbot is a very good 1-2 punch (well, until last/Thurdsday night, but with Talbot making 50 Saves, it's the Defense in front of him that let him down).  Now they have to start winning on the road.  Fortunately or unfortunately, they have only one more Game away from the Xcel Energy Center: Saturday afternoon, also against the Avalanche.  They return right back into the warm, waiting arms of the X for a pair of tilts against Anaheim, the latter of which is the start of back-to-back Games that will end with a home date with -- and finally -- the St. Louis Blues.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  I think it's clear that the All-Star Break has done some good for this team.  They actually went 2-2 this screening Week!  Winning Games is a miracle, but they won a couple nailbiters in which they had to display some intestinal fortitude ... and they did!  On Sunday, in the second of a two-Game home series versus Portland, they eked out a two-Point win on the strength of 34 Points from Anthony Edwards.  And last/Thursday night, the Timberwolves actually mounted a comeback to beat Phoenix in Phoenix, 123-119.  In that Game, Edwards notched a career-high 42, and Karl-Anthony Towns chipped in 41.  Yes, it sure seems like Edwards has decided to step up his game.  I don't know if it's sustainable, but surely the best Second-Half adjustment for this team (and this franchise) seems to be the emergence of the rookie from Georgia.

The Suns and Wolves are at it again in Phoenix tonight/Friday night.  They then come home for Games vs. The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics and Dallas.

#-4: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Sunday afternoon they beat the Hawkeyes in Iowa City on a Goal in the 70th Minute by Sophia Boman.  But yesterday/Thursday afternoon they traveled to Happy Valley to face Penn St., the best opponent the side has played so far, and they got blitzed, 3-0.  Ally Schlegel braced for the Nittany Lions on tallies about four Minutes apart.  And the Gophers have scored only four Goals in a Year that is already 7/11 over.

The XI face another ranked club on the road in Rutgers Sunday afternoon.  That completes the Gophers' pandemic-shortened schedule.  They are home for the final three Matches of the regular season, beginning Thursday afternoon against Purdue.

#-5: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4).  Dropped three-of-four against Illinois over the weekend.  If not for a series-ending 5-3 victory Sunday evening, they would be riding a five-Game losing streak.  They're already 2-6 on the season ... and they have played all their Games at U. S. Bank Stadium.  Yikes.  This weekend they, and work with me here, are playing Northwestern at U. S. Bank Stadium.  However, the Wildcats will serve as the home team.  Uh, alright.

2021 March Madness Anti-Picks, Round 1

It's the time of the year where I stick my foot in my mouth by making hypothetical bets on the NCAA Men's Tournament.  The thinking is is that you bet against me and you will be absolutely rich.  I do evaluate my picks after each round, and just a reminder, I think I ended up in 2019 and, I think, in 2018 as well.

I wish I could delve into more detail with these picks, but 1) I'm tired, 2) I need to start on the WMNSS, and 3) I'm kind of in a bad mood because I'm pissed my boss is busting my balls for being "late" to work.  What the fuckever (wanking motion).  So I'm just going to lay out the picks, parlays and amounts, and I'll be back Saturday night or Sunday morning to recap and hopefully give you Round 2.

Odds are of at press time from Covers.com:

1) Florida Pick Em' (Virginia Tech has played, like, four times in the past six weeks) $50

2) Arkansas-Colgate Over 161 $50

3) Utah St. +4 $100

4) Wisconsin +1 1/2 $50

5) Rutgers -1 1/2 (the only lower seed to be favored, here over Clemson) $200

6) Syracuse +3 (if the Orange are able to fool San Diego St., they're reaching the Sweet Sixteen) $100

7) Syracuse M/L +131 $50

8) Winthrop +6 1/2 $100

9) Winthrop M/L +224 $50

10) North Carolina-Greensboro +10 1/2 $50

11) St. Bonaventure +1 1/2

12) California-Santa Barbara +7 $100

13) Ohio +7 1/2 $100

14) Abilene Christian +9 $50

15) Parlay 6) with 8), for $100.

16) Parlay 7) with 9), for $50.

17) I believe in the following upsets for I have them in my bracket ... parlay 3), 12) and 13) together (although I also have Syracuse and Winthrop notching first-round upsets [I feel really confident about them and so I'm putting them in their own bets], as well as the play-in winner vs. BYU, for which I don't see any line), for $100.

Good luck!

The Songs Playing On The Minute I Was Born

Time for my thing where I turn on the radio the minute I was born and spin through the dial to listen to snippets of as many songs as possible.  And taking off from my blog post about aging rapidly, I have to confess that more than half of the songs I was able to listen to in that minute and change I did not recognize.  I certainly am not hip to the musics of today.

I recognized three songs during that minute.  One of them came out six years ago, another 39 years ago, and the third half a century ago, Jesus Christ:

• Elle King, "Ex's & Oh's" (I think this song began in the final seconds of the minute I was born, even though I didn't hear the very beginning, so I am going to count it ... and this came on Cities 97.1)
• Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, "I Love Rock 'n Roll" (Um ... I think 104 Jack FM)
• The Who, "Behind Blue Eyes" (Not sure, but probably 92 KQRS)

The Teams On The Cut Lines, March Madness 2021

The one surprising thing the NCAA did was select four replacement (or as I like to call them, "understudy") teams that would step in for a team selected for the field if they did not have enough players available for the tournament because of COVID-19.  Turns out that the deadline, which was yesterday, came with all 68 teams saying they could play, so none of the stand-bys were used.  But it was good to see what the NCAA referred to as, essentially, Teams 69-72 -- because not only did the Selection Committee name four substitute squads, they put them in order as well.

So yeah, we only needed Team 69, but I appreciated the NCAA Selection Committee naming the next three.  I also appreciate the Committee for releasing The Seed List so I know exactly which team was the one that got into the actual tournament, the best team (according to the Committee) out of the four playing the Play-In Games, and the worst of the four.

• Team 64/Who Should Really Be The Last Team In: Utah St.
• Team 65/The Best Of The Play-In Teams: Michigan St.
• Team 68/The Last Team In When It Comes To Reality, Even Though Reality Sucks: Drake
• Team 69/The Team That Got Absolutely Fucked: Louisville

A Forty-Fifth Trip Around The Sun!

Shit, man, 45.  I didn't think I'd make it.  Well, I'm not saying I thought I would die before reaching 45.  But as obsessed as I am with old age and death now, I was really cognizant of birthdays when I was a kid, and when I was a kid, 45 seemed so far away.  And now it's here.

But here's the thing: I still feel like a kid.  I probably feel that way because I still live in my childhood home and under my parents', uh, oversight.  And, you know ... this might sound weird, but maybe I want to still live like I am a kid because I still want to see myself as a kid.  Does that make sense?  I don't want to grow up.  It's scary as fuck growing up.

---

I really, really wanted to stay up last night.  I gave myself the day off from work; there should be a law against working on your birthday.  But probably because I went to the library to print out some March Madness stuff and some tax forms, then treated myself to a massage from ******a (I saw her boobie), I had no evening nap, but fought through and finally succumbed to my fatigue around midnight.  I really wanted to last until 4 in the morning to watch World News Now.  And I can't do that now because I work tomorrow.

I am getting old.

---

I also owed myself a birthday wank-off.  Thought I would do that late last night, if I stayed up.  But I woke up a bit past 7, like a 45-year-old, and I decided it was a quiet time to rub one out to the Hooters calendar for February.  And I stroked myself and stroked myself ... and then I pudded out so meekly all my cum landing on my finger.  I laid out my cum towel, and I don't think any of my semen hit it.

Maybe I need my body to wake up more.  Or, maybe I am getting old.

Now I Get To Try This Work-From-Home Thing!

Test scoring is back!  After taking the year off from test scoring at all, one of the companies I had worked for has been able to retool their technology to allow remote scoring for 2021.  I called my contact at this place late last year, and she put me on the list.  I was sent an offer through e-mail a few days ago and, after going back and forth about it, I said yes.

And the interesting/intriguing/challenging thing about this is is that I have yet to do the WFH thing.  There are some things you need to do to be a productive worker that a home environment may interfere with, to be sure.  But with the added privacy and security concerns over testing kids' papers, there is even more scrutiny to toe the line.  And shoot, I've never done this before.  I get to use my laptop, but I don't think I can sit up straight on my bed grading essays for four hours, so I'll have to move over to my desk, which for the longest time I have not used as anything except a place to store my papers and to throw my shirts on.  And right now, I am imagining how to keep my laptop plugged in.  The closest power source is to my right, but I know I will be using my mouse for this, and I am right-handed.  Will I need to find a plug or power strip to my left?  Because my bed is to the left of the desk, and I might have to move my bed in order to get to the outlet on the wall or the power strip down by the baseboard.  And that means once I'm done with my shift (it's in the evening), I'll have to move my bed in order to sleep.

Oh, and about sleep ... what I am really afraid of is staying awake.  This past evening, because I was tired, I went to bed around 6 and woke up around 11.  In other words, I have gone to sleep.  (I have a few hours left before I need to wake up for work; that will qualify as my "nap.")  I have chronicled here on WAF how I now just conk off during the evening -- and this project is taking place in the evening.  It is projected to last for a month (although, if I apply what I usually my estimate about how long this will take, I could be done in as little as two weeks), but will I be able to stay up -- especially given that, unless I move my workplace to, say, the living room, my bed will be right there, enticing me to slip in and be enveloped by its safe and warm tentacles?

Only one way to find out, and it's, uh, finding out.  And I start finding out next week.

Ice-Out For This Winter Is March 13

Didn't have any time to note that the day of.  Also, we're supposed to get some snow tomorrow, so the front yard will get re-covered with the white stuff.  Still, technically, all the snow went away as of Saturday afternoon, even if it comes back, so Ice-Out has occurred somewhat earlier than usual!

Final Bracketology For 2020-1

According to The Bracket Matrix, these are the at-large teams on the bubble, in order:

• The Real Last Teams In: Maryland, VCU, Michigan St., UCLA
• Play-In Games: Louisville, Drake, Syracuse, Utah St.
• Actually, They Should Be Called The Last Teams Out: Wichita St., Colorado St., Ole Miss, Saint Louis
• Penultimate Teams Out: Memphis, Seton Hall, St. John's

Getting Reimbursed For My Membership ... Gone Bye-Bye!

I continue to state (even though I have nothing to compare it with) that my company gives out pretty good benefits.  (It stopped giving us free money that they automatically put into a 401[k] and instead turned it into an employer-matching program, but that's another story for another time.)  One of the perks -- which, I admit, I think many companies do -- is reimburse employees for items and services meant to better yourself physically.  Things like gym memberships.

Back in early February of last year, when I started to get scared about the coronavirus, I reupped with my gym/community center for a year.  I kept the receipt, which I needed to scan in and send to Human Resources in order to get my money back, in a little box at work which was made for me by someone at work.  Kept it there all year.  However, the period in which to fill out this application in order to get paid back for it was the month of January.  We obviously are way past January.

Thing is, this realization hit me, out of the blue, I think on Thursday at work.  I was about to put a folder through a window because I was done with it, I came across my desk (I was working on a different desk this day because I was doing a different job this day), and I somehow remembered that I had a receipt for the annual membership I re-upped with the community center that I needed to ... well, should've sent in.  And I then went online to check the deadline and saw that I was way, way late.  Randomly out of the blue I remembered that I had forgotten to do something.

I don't feel a whole lot of guilt, though.  I haven't exercised there in over a year.  Too dangerous, still.  I may have went there twice after I re-upped before everything shut down.  It is open now, and Friday the governor loosened restrictions on gyms even more, but I still don't think I'm going to go, at least not until two weeks after I get my final vaccination.  Anyway, with me not going to work out, it was easy, and natural, for me to forget that I could get my money back for this membership.  One of the departments I work in had a meeting in January in which all of us were reminded to get our reimbursement forms in by the end of the month, and that warning didn't register with me.  In my mind, it wasn't just a matter of not needing to get money back from something I wasn't using, if that makes any sense.  I had put out of my mind the thought of regularly going to exercise, so I don't remember paying an annual membership, so this reminder my boss told me in January did not pertain to me.  I think that was totally understandable to forget.

Still sucks, though.  Still hate myself for not remembering, though.

One Year Ago. ...

I just looked back at the blog posts hours into and just after Thursday, March 12, 2020, the day when, at least to me, the coronavirus pandemic shut down the world -- or, in other words, the day when Shit Got Real.  Since sports constitute an overwhelming part of my life, the Janus point, the event when things changed irrevocably, was the Class 4A Girls' Basketball Semifinal between Stillwater and Hopkins, the latter of which featured Paige Bueckers, the top player in high school last year, the reason I went to watch the Game, and now leading Connecticut as a freshman into the NCAA Women's Tournament.

I don't know if I blog posted about my thoughts during the Game before, but even if I have, I'll do it again.  I still remember the sense of foreboding that came on the early days of the pandemic.  It seemed as though things on the surface were normal, but that only made me and probably others think that things definitely were not normal, and that this invisible monster was cackling at our ignorance and indifference to thrive and ravage humanity.  Everybody was in a panic, even though to this day I don't know how many people will admit they didn't know what they were doing then.  As a result, sporting events were changing conditions on the fly -- going from barring fans except family to barring everyone except essential team members to, eventually, cancelling Games.  For example, before the Semifinals I watched (and I think this was announced in the late morning or early afternoon), the Minnesota State High School League said that the following days' Games would be played behind closed doors.  The next/Friday morning, the MSHSL announced they were cancelling the tournament altogether.

So why did I go to the Game?  The re-calculating of risk was coming at break-neck speed, for everyone involved in sports.  The evening before, Rudy Gobert of The Bastard New Orleans Jazz tested positive for the coronavirus and so the whole NBA season would be postponed.  To many people, that was the day Everything Changed.  And if I recall correctly, that/Wednesday afternoon it was revealed that Tom Hanks came down with COVID-19; for many non-sports people, that was the day Everything Changed.  However, I and the MSHSL probably were intent on staging the Games, at least the Games that were going on for that day.  While experts said the risks of catching this virus, especially in its ominous, mysterious early days, could cause rampant death, it still appeared to be a menace in the distance, whereas this relatively important basketball tournament was happening now.  And I told my folks that I had to stay at work for overtime.  In other words, we all had plans.  And even in the face of a pandemic, we didn't want to change them.  Well, the MSHSL and other sports leagues were going to change what they could change relatively easily, most notably preventing down large crowds.  But the show must go on.  And until the MSHSL reconsidered, I went ahead with my plans, too ... even though I had a feeling even back then that would be the last sporting event I would attend in person in 2020.

While watching not necessarily the Hopkins-Stillwater Game so much as Bueckers herself, I had to admit that more than half the time I was thinking to myself, "Should I even be here?"  The crowd at Williams Arena wasn't big.  There was no one in the upper deck.  Just more than the upper half of the lower deck was empty, too.  There was room to spread around, but probably because we didn't entertain the concept of "social distancing" seriously (although I don't know if we entertained COVID-19 seriously a year ago), all the fans who were there sat together, filling up the closest several rows all around The Barn's court.  Because why not?  You're at a Game with friends, you want to sit together.  I, going to the Game without friends, sat by myself, sorta; I hung back a couple rows from the rest.  I thought I established a bubble no one would penetrate, but then during the Game a couple high school dicks sat within six feet of me for no reason.  I think I shot them a couple looks; they didn't leave until the first Semifinal was over.

I didn't feel sick after that night.  I have signed up to give a blood sample to the National Institute of Health for an antibody sample, twice, and I tested negative both times.  I dodged a bullet, even though it was possible no one in the arena had the virus.  But after having the fun I insisted on having that evening, it was my turn to hold my end of the bargain I made by myself, and I accepted the world shutting down after Thursday, March 12, 2020.

Crazy year, huh?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  Don't have too many good choices for the top spot this screening Week.  But I woke up from my long nap/early sleep last/Thursday night after conking off shortly after dinner to see that the Woofie Dogs started the second half of their regular season with a victory over The Bastard Charlotte Hornets ... in New Orleans ... by 30?!?!?!  The Pelicans are a good team, and they started the contest with a 16-Point lead in the First Quarter and ... well, the Timberwolves made a comeback and then started kicking ass.  And they did without Karl-Anthony Towns having a good night (16 Points on 7-of-19 shooting).

OK, I'll be honest: This is a charity case here.  I don't think the first victory in The Chris Finch Era is the start of an epic comeback; after all, they host Portland for a two-Game series, then visit the Lakers before starting a two-contest set in Phoenix on Thursday.  But this is as eye-popping a surprise as you may get from any local sports club in 2021.  And, it just so happens that the Wolves have an undefeated screening Week, and when's the last time you could say that?  So enjoy bobbing up from your usual negative rankings, Timberwolves!

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  Finishing up their stint/vacation in Florida.  Began a three-Game series against Rutgers yesterday/Thursday morning/afternoon with a Doubleheader sweep.  Maybe this shakes off the choppy start to begin the team's Year.  One more vs. the Scarlet Knights this/Friday morning, then the players finish their time in the bubble with three with Michigan St. over the weekend.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -2).  Only a miserable 5-2 loss in Arizona prevented the Wild from a 4-0 Week -- which would have been sweet, especially since they swept the Las Vegas Golden Knights Monday and Wednesday and are now only, like, a Point behind them in the West Division standings.  That defeat came a day after Minnesota whipped The Bastard Winnipeg Jets 5-1, on the strength of yet another Kirill Kaprisov highlight:

Goodness, Kirill Kaprizov. pic.twitter.com/1eVHYbU5Hr

— NHL (@NHL) March 6, 2021

This might be hampered by the inability for fans to watch Games in person.  But if he keeps this up, Kaprizov might become The Most Popular Player In Twin Cities Sports.  Shit, man, he might be right now.

This Week: Not one, not two, but ... wow, three Games versus Arizona at the X, being played every other day.  Then on Thursday the club begins a two-Game set vs. The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: 0).  Scoreless Tie versus Illinois at home Saturday night.  This side has scored merely thrice over five Matches.  They've drawn a donut thrice -- and lost only once.  (shrug)

This squad already is halfway through its season.  And now they will embark on their final three road Games of the season.  They play Iowa at Iowa City Sunday afternoon and Penn St. in Happy Valley Thursday afternoon.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Re-Entry!).  Oh yeah, here comes another team starting its season!  I have no idea how this team is supposed to do.  All I know is the most-heralded player to come out of this ballclub in a long time, Max Meyer, is now with the Miami Marlins.

Because of the pandemic, Minnesota (and, I assume, all the other Big Ten squads) will only play each other.  Also, apparently, there will be no migration to the southern U. S. to begin their Year.  Instead, the U. is bringing in several schools to play at U. S. Bank Stadium (with no fans, of course) over a three-Week period.  This past weekend they brought in two, Indiana and Rutgers, and they each played the others twice.  And the U. went 1-3, getting swept by the Hoosiers, although they got destroyed by the Scarlet Knights late Saturday afternoon by a score of 16-1.

I'll formulate more analysis the more Games these young men play.  In the meantime, they are back to single foes over weekends.  This weekend it'll be (and this college pops up everywhere this WMNSS) Illinois for a four-Game series, although they'll play a Doubleheader on Saturday where each Game will be scheduled only for seven Innings apiece.

#-Infinity (tied): Gopher women's hockey, Gopher men's basketball, and Gopher women's basketball (Last Week, respectively: Re-Entry!, -4, Re-Entry!).  Has there ever been a triple bustout on the same screening Week like this?  For all I know, we had one two Years ago.

Let's start with Gopher women's hockey, which has missed on the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 2007 (which happened to be Laura Halldorson's final Year as Golden Goofer Head Coach, though it's only easy to believe she quit because the U. failed to make it).  I initially thought that it was the first time Minnesota has ever missed the tourney.  I will say that even with only eight teams invited, the U. should always make it, seeing as we are, of course, The State Of Hockey and, truly, generate more girls who play the sport than any other United State.

I will, however, hop to the other side and say that there are many reasons to believe that Minnesota got absolutely hosed.  They finished the Year ranked fourth in the only top-flight women's college hockey poll in the country, and they didn't get into the field??  And look at the at-large teams that did get in.  Ohio St. I can understand; they were better than the Goofs this Year.  But I checked with fanatics on "woho" chatrooms before Sunday's selection show (yes, there are fans of women's top-flight college hockey and they congregate on the World Wide Web) and unanimously they were sure Minnesota was at least comparable and probably better than Minnesota-Duluth, Boston College, and Providence.  This, of course, is a season unlike any other because there was little to no inter-conference play and thus the PairWise was mostly useless.  The obvious snub (for lack of a better term) makes me think that without their usual criteria they could rely on, the NCAA Selection Committee choose to limit the number of teams that enter the tournament from one conference.  That doesn't explain, however, why the Bulldogs were selected as the de facto third team from the Women's Western Collegiate Hockey Association over Minnesota when Minnesota (to bring up one statistic) swept UMD in the only series between the two this season (that was in Duluth; there was supposed to be a return series at Ridder Arena, but that eventually got cancelled because UMD became riven with COVID-19).

After the snub Sunday night, Head Coach Brad Frost was as apoplectic as I have ever seen him.  He has a right to be.  But Gopher fans on the Internet still weren't letting the team off the hook for a startling level of underachievement throughout the Year.  (Note to self as I gear up for betting on the NCAA men's basketball tournament: You will never find more sober, incisive critiques of a college basketball team than from its own fans.)  What I can glean from them, for I don't follow this club that closely, is that in particular, the goaltending was oftentimes a dumpster fire.  But most also were alarmed by a lack of heart and drive from this particular group.  (I totally just saw this looking at the team's schedule page: They finished only 11-8-1 on the season ... and under .500, at 4-5-1, at home.  Whoa, what the hell was that?)  The thinking is is that this squad will be back to normal when everything is back to normal.  But if I were Mark Coyle, I would either drop by Frost's office or call Frost into his and let him know he noticed what happened and he would like things to be back where they belong.  More judgmental eyes should be on this program starting in the fall.

Let's go to the Golden Goofer men's basketball program, whose season-ending defeat in the Big Team Tournament to Ohio St. last/Thursday night may have been a better performance than the previous evening's result, where they somehow outlasted Northwestern, ugh, 51-46.  I am still shocked that this team overperformed against a first half of a schedule that was as tough as I have ever seen any local sports team have to deal with, and then stumble and succumb to a very, very winnable second half.

Injuries played a part in this derailment; Liam Robbins turned out to be the linchpin of this club, and his ankle injury spelled the death knell for the Goofs.  But injuries are a part of life for many teams, and it has happened to Richard Pitino before, and more often than not, he and his players did not adapt well.  Bad Guard play has also been a constant bugaboo for the U. in The Pitino Era; bad shooting from deep has sunk this team often this season, and was noticeably bad in the loss to the Buckeyes, although they got hot very late and made it a Game late.  Finally, I noticed that too often, foes surged in the early part of the Second Half, either turning a deficit into a lead or blowing a tilt open, this season.  That speaks to an inability to adjust to an opposing Head Coach's adjustments, or an inability to get your players to restart after Halftime.  That adds up, over Games and then over seasons.

It has been the general consensus that Richard Pitino is a dead man walking.  I have not heard any news of him being fired after the Game was over.  There is a slight chance that Pitino sticks around, for the U. has a pretty good chance to be a part of the NIT, which this Year has been cut down to 16 squads and will bubble in the Dallas/Fort Worth Metroplex.  But it's also possible Coyle is trying to do the right thing for Pitino, who has not tarnished the Minnesota athletic department in scandal, and be as mature about a coaching change as possible.  Saying that, I highly expect an announcement about Pitino today.

Finally, there is the Gopher women's b-ball team, which shrugged its way to the end of its season with a 72-61 defeat to Nebraska Wednesday morning/afternoon in the First Round of the B1G Tournament.  Back on Sunday, February 28 the U. was supposed to host Michigan on Senior Day, but there were cases of the coronavirus within the Gophers program, so that was outright canceled.  That cancellation robbed Redshirt Senior Gadiva Hubbard and possibly Graduate Student Laura Bagwell Katalinich of their moment, which sucks.  But the guess here is some player on the team knew the season was going to end soon, said fuck it, and partied in a dorm with some friends and caught the virus.  She wasn't going to get too sick, and if it cost the team some Games, who cares?  The club got enough players to travel to Illinois despite the protocols, where they ended the regular season with an eight-Point loss to the Illini last Friday, and then there was the loss to the Huskers, and that's that.

I am of the belief that Lindsay Whalen is getting a lot of leash because of her status as a legend at the University.  But how much latitude does she get for popularizing a program from complete irrelevance as a player when she has been unable to resurrect it from its return to irrelevance as a Head Coach?  Is the pandemic an excuse not to do force changes with the program?  Is Coyle too busy dealing with Richard Pitino to scrutinize the Gopher women's basketball team?  I don't think a change is imminent -- at least I don't think.  But once the situation with the Gopher men is squared away, chances are, Coyle is looking at Whalen next.

I'm A Porn Addict, Again

This week has been a bit rough.  Not as bad as I feared when it began (it helps when your supervisor calls in sick and thus isn't there to point out your mistakes or re-train you in things you think you already know), but it has been long, although much of it being long has to do with waking up early both Tuesday (at 3:30!!!) and yesterday (4:45!!) morning to come in to work and take advantage of overtime.  That has stirred in me a bit of ... uh, tension, let's just say.  Add to it my nearly year-long withdrawal from going to strip clubs (though, to be fair, it has not been a year of not of seeing strippers in other ways), and, well, this evening I felt the need to ... release that tension.

Have you heard of OnlyFans?  I might be rehashing stuff I've already blog posted here, but anyway: OnlyFans is basically membership porn.  You sign up for a monthly subscription to this person, the vast majority of which are women who will pose nude and do sexual things for you in exchange.  I first heard about it in my nom de porn Twitter account when I saw a tweet from a porn star who tweeted basically the same message over and over: "'x' more people just subscribed to my OnlyFans account!"  I then saw that a few hot babes who I patronized on Patreon to see their smutty stuff (which I migrated to after they advertised on Facebook, on which I became friends just by taking advantage of Facebook's suggestion algorithm) had to leave that site because it tightened its restrictions on content.  They went, seemingly at once, onto OnlyFans, or OF.  And has been documented, the economic lockdown due to the pandemic -- basically one year old today -- cost a lot of people jobs, and many hot, young women resorted to OF just to make some money.

As with all things on the Internet, and all things porn, I went down a rabbit hole -- one look just wasn't enough.  I patronized one person, then OnlyFans' suggestions convinced me that I should take a gander at this hot babe.  Some of them hold sales on their memberships, and so I take advantage of them to see their goods.  And some have free sites as well as paid sites.  I follow their free site, but then get bombarded by messages on my OF Inbox account where they ask for money to "unlock" pictures and videos they sent you.

I had resisted for a long, long time.  Then a couple months ago (I think) I saw this message from this hot woman with a bangin' body who said she had a juicy video and the cost to unlock it was very, very reasonable.  So I bit; I charged the credit card I have on file with OnlyFans to unlock it.  And what I saw was this woman, whose big breasts I could now see, sucking the dick of what I guess is her boyfriend for three minutes until he came.  It was worth it.  And that's how I got sucked in.

I have given myself a monetary maximum, although it has lifted from ten bucks to 15.  Anything more I will not pay.  Anything less ... I sometimes give it a shot.  Frankly, it has been more miss than hit.  I have seen a lot of teaser shots and videos, mostly girls showing off their fine asses in thongs, or not wearing anything up top but pressing their arms against their breasts so hard I wonder how their breasts don't turn purple.  To be frank, if I charging to my credit card, I expect to see nudity, and I have been burned by many bad decisions in the past, so much so that, and this may be kind of weak, I have de-followed a couple of women for being nothing more than teases.

But still I pay.  It's more horniness than optimism, to be fair.  But last night was a tipping point.  I woke up early for work, missed a phone call I was supposed to field right after work, it was raining and raw, and even though I was tired, my nap really didn't refresh me.  Usually at a time like this, I would want to do one of the things I had compiled in my mental checklist -- e-mail this person, go through my receipts or my envelopes, clean up my room.  But usually that doesn't happen.  Usually I hit the porn.  And I did this time.

Only this time I went back to OF, which I had not visited in a couple days.  Every single time I now go to that site I buy something.  I now coordinate my days when I go on OnlyFans; if I use the credit card on file during the day to get, like, coffee or something, I permit myself to go to OF and buy stuff.  That's what happened last night, but last night I bought more pictures and videos than I had ever done there before.  I felt the need to rub one out after such a long day and week, but I had a passing thought that I am spending my OT money on buying pic after vid after pic after vid, so I'll come out even in the end.  Uh, I don't think so; after I shook myself out of my porn obsession, I went back and totaled up everything I unlocked, and it came close to $60.  I may have spent a third of that when I've been on OnlyFans, but not $60 at a time.  And in more than half the stuff the girls weren't showing anything anyway, stupid me.

Despite being duped, and even though I am in a good place financially right now, I can totally see myself losing all control and spending way more than $60 on OnlyFans.  That would put me, I think, in a similar position to The Before Times, where I was making money but continually shelling it out because I went to strip clubs or parties where I would pay a shit ton of money to get my fuck on with strippers.  I wondered if the pandemic and ensuing lockdown would either make me grow up or get tired of pornography.  Frankly, me spending so much money on porn last night makes me think I haven't, and I won't.  Ever.

Expenses Without Receipts

Might as well do this now.  Starting from Tuesday, March 9:

• And we go back to Sunday, March 7, where, because I was given a Starbucks gift card (man, I forget who I got it from), I stopped by there before going into work.  Unlike the last time I visited, their lobby was open, so I got a short mocha and egg bites.  I forget how small and, well, "European" those shorts are.  That size is almost cute in my American mind.  What isn't cute is the parking lot, though; damn, man, they need to fix their potholes.  Oh, and I don't like the store's footprint; it dead-ends, and you have to go around the place to both park and hit the drive-thru.  Great customer service, but bad placement and horrible landscaping.  Charged what the gift card didn't sop up, but I gave at the tip jar: $1.
• Then we go back to Friday the 5th, where, even though I was delayed by one week, I was able to get my shoes shined by Lisa.  My left Doc is on its last legs -- or laces.  I had to pay her a dollar less than I usually do because I needed the rest of the cash I had on hand to go to the DMV, which ultimately didn't matter (I'll blog post about that later) and I didn't have the right ATM card on hand (should blog post about that some other time).  Man, this situation was Seinfeldian.  I told Lisa I'll make it up to her next time.  Total: $14.
• And back on Saturday, February 27, after coming in to work from the afternoon to the evening to take in some overtime, I decided it was time to visit ******a for a well-needed naked massage.  She was great.  Massaged with only a bikini top on.  Baby steps!  Paid her: $80.

Not a whole lot of EWRs.  That would be a good thing, but I'm charging a lot of online porn to my credit card.  I should blog post about that, too.

Good through March 9.

Just Want To Make A Comparison Between These Two Women's Top-Flight College Hockey Teams (Scheduled Post)

For the first time since 2007, the University of Minnesota women's hockey team will not be a part of the NCAA Tournament.  I will have many, many more thoughts on this underachieving club Friday in its #-Infinity space in The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  But for now, I want to do something I think I'm doing for the first time ever, and taking off a part of what would be something I would write about in the WMNSS and making it its own blog post.

I noticed this when the Minnesota was playing in Madison for a two-Game series against Wisconsin, which is in the field.  I have looked at the rosters for both squads on their respective websites, and I cannot help but glean these statistics:

• Number of Minnesotans on Minnesota: 17
• Number of Wisconsinites on Wisconsin: 1
• Number of Wisconsinites on Minnesota: 1
• Number of Minnesotans on Wisconsin: 4

So, to summarize, the U. ties Sconnie in the number of Wisconsin natives playing for their program -- one.  In other words, between these two schools and states, there are just two native Wisconsinites playing.  There are more Minnesotans who have crossed the border to play there than Sconnies who have come the other way and are playing here.  There are more native Minnesotans playing for the Badgers than native Wisconsinites.  That fact fucking blows my mind.

But the overarching geographic composition of both teams is the most important takeaway.  The vast majority of the Gophers come from The Gopher State; there are a total of 23 players listed for the U., so the team is 74% Minnesotan.  Meanwhile, as you could probably guess, the Badgers are basically mercenaries from all over the country and even Canada -- just not Wisconsin.  And Wisconsin is playing in the tournament this year, and Minnesota is not.

I remember some people criticizing the provincialism of the Minnesota men's hockey team during The Doug Woog Era.  Woog would only recruit Minnesotans.  That boosted school and state pride, but the University of Minnesota never won an NCAA championship under Woog despite Minnesota being The State Of Hockey.  They did shortly after Woog was fired for Don Lucia, breaking a long drought to win it all in 2003.  The U. won it in Overtime via a rebound shot from Thomas Vanek ... who is from Austria.

Yes, the U. has won NCAA championships with a roster chock full of Minnesotans in the past -- but that was in the past.  Maybe what Minnesota is going through now is just a blip.  Also, maybe the changes needed to get the U. back into the tourney have nothing to do with where Head Coach Brad Frost recruits.  But I will be a JAQ (Just Asking Questions)-off: Can you be both a heavily-Minnesotan team and an NCAA title-winning one?