My Sister The Proxy

So I told Mother that I got my passport book and card two and three weeks (respectively) after I applied online, and she asked for my help to coach her through the online application process for her and Father at a day I had time to help her with it.  I told her on Sunday that I could help her Monday evening.

Now, I've told all of you how much of a mental and emotional drain being on the phone with My Mother can be.  I think that planning a long phone call ahead of time, like it obviously was going to be when dealing with an online passport renewal application over the phone and not while I'm sitting next to her, helps remind me that I need to be patient.  What I didn't know, however, was that my sister just so happened to be visiting my parents in Las Vegas for a few days.  Awesome!  She basically became my on-site translator and extra set of hands!!  So sis, can you do the application process for the 'Rents ... and ooh, by the way, can you help me install a new modem and router in their condo, too?

This problem of theirs goes back at least a year.  Mother complains of dead spots, namely their dining room table, which is at the opposite end of the part of their condo where their old, slow, obsolete modem resides.  It needed a new one, I suspected, and then it needed something to boost its range and help the signal break through the condo's walls.  But I wasn't planning on going out there anytime soon, not as long as this Republican administration has the gall to snatch up anyone at the airport they decided they don't like, so I figured my folks would have to just suck it up.  My sister being there, however, changes everything.  I could tell her what the problem is and how to fix it.  So once I decided she could do this (and my sis made the online application process for both Mother and Father go so smoothly), I spent the rest of the night looking up the best modem and router to buy at an electronics store and bought them, then I texted her all the information for the three of them to pick up, bring home, and set up so Mother can finally stop bitching about their shitty wi-fi.

That part did not go smoothly.  First of all, the modem I bought for them has to be hooked up with a coaxial cable.  I thought every place had a coax, but apparently this condo only connects to the Internet outside via Ethernet.  My sister tried to see if the modem would work just hooked up through Ethernet, but she told me (on the phone Tuesday night while I was at the Timberwolves Game) that it didn't.  Also, the router I got for them was just one unit of those "meshes" or "pods" or whatever you call it.  I thought one would be enough.  I thought that if I bought them a second (which, presumably, would be placed as far away as the first "mesh" or "pod," which has to be connected to the modem, in order to maximize the range), they would complain that, like, "It looks bad," or something.  My folks can be that shallow.  Well, Mother complained (after my sis attached this new router to the old modem, which she had a bit of trouble reconnecting) that there still wasn't any range.

My sister was leaving Thursday, and there was no way my parents would even dare try hooking up this second router, so my sister got my brother to buy that second router, which could be delivered the next day (which was Wednesday) because he has Amazon Prime.  (This is where I expand the universe of this blog post by reminding you that after I got home from the Game, I saw that my thermostat didn't work and, ironically, decided to accept a free trial of Amazon Prime in order to buy the same brand of thermostat so that I didn't have to do any wire work to put in a different brand of thermostat, and get it delivered as soon as possible ... even though I put in a second different set of batteries which made the old thermostat finally work.)  My sister got this second router, she installed it Wednesday, and it ... well, I haven't asked Mother yet if the range is better.

All through this ordeal, I profusely thanked my sister for doing this favor -- for our Mother, because our Mother wanted it, but frankly, for me, too.  I don't think she had running to Best Buy and spending a good chunk of one afternoon installing new wi-fi as part of her plans while visiting my parents.  I recognize that I ask ... no, use my sister a lot when I want something done.  Most notably, when I feel like I can't talk to my brother about something I need him to know, I tell my sister and she tells him.  We were in Hong Kong for Grandmother's funeral several years ago, and we were not on speaking terms then, so we asked our sis to relay any messages we needed the other to know.  She recognized that; the night after the funeral service, when I took her to this bar I wanted to go to because I needed a drink, she told me she knows what both of us are asking her to do in order to keep the peace between us.  And she almost broke down crying.  The gravity of burying Grandmother had something to do with it, of course, but being the peacemaker brings its own anguish, and that is something we make her do.

She acted as if she didn't mind putting in a new modem and router, even though she had no previous experience.  Still, besides thanking her a lot for being my proxy, I wonder if there's something else I could do for her ... or does she have a favor I'll have to pay her in kind.  Either way, that's an obligation I should do for her.  She did this for me, after all.

Apparently, They're Here

None of these reports are verified, but I have seen on websites and heard from friends of mine that they are in the neighborhood now.  One said they're going door to door.  I saw a video taken at the trailer park nearby that shows two guys wearing winter masks, those fuckers.

I've downloaded transcription and recording applications, just in case.  I kind of wish I have a dashcam now, but, well, it may be too late for that.

I am trying to balance my fear of getting round up in all of this with my need to stand up to bullies -- for my neighbors, for my community, for my state, for the good people governing it, and for myself.  Frankly, though, I don't know if I can do it.  I have thought about texting my brother, at least letting him know that these assholes are in the area.  You know, just in case.

So afraid going out the past few days.  Am glad I was still able to see my friend without getting hassled.  But with this fascist vice tightening, there's no telling if, for example, I'll get stopped on the way to work.

Goddamn this world.

And Are They Done For Real Or What?

Weird and ominous text I got from my sister-in-law Christmas morning.  As I do with pretty much all my friends and family, I text them on the holidays.  My sis-in-law is someone I'm keen on reaching out to because the only person I give Christmas gifts to is my niece/her daughter.  But since they live so far away, I don't have time to buy and wrap those gifts for her.  It is so, so much easier if I buy what my niece wants on Amazon and have them shipped to their house.

What I didn't know, even though I probably should have thought about it, was that my sister-in-law intercepts the gifts and wraps them up for her daughter/my niece to open them at Christmas.  I guess she's done that every year I've sent gifts to them, and so, when I wished her a Merry Christmas, I thanked her for doing the hard work of wrapping the gifts without my niece (seemingly) knowing.

As she usually does, she sent pictures of my niece opening up the three gifts I got her.  Amazon said that they would come in two shipments and the shipment for one might come after Christmas.  I had told my sister-in-law that could happen (and that has happened before), so I wanted to confirm whether that second shipment with that third gift came in time after all.  (Yeah, it's obvious, but still.)  She never confirmed.  Instead, she said, and I'm paraphrasing, "Welp, next Christmas is going to be different ... and you can talk about it with your brother."

I've spoken about this here before: I've wondered for a long, long time whether my brother and sister-in-law were on the outs.  I've never seen them act like they, well, love each other.  And I don't know if I described this on WAF, but my sister-in-law and I had dinner out several years ago where she just fucking unloaded on him.  She never said she planned on separating from him, though, so it made me wonder if she was blowing off steam or if this is truly a rift that will not heal.

This was, I believe, before we and the whole family went to Hawai'i over the holidays a few years ago.  I thought that if they were going to split up, they would have done so before then because it wouldn't make sense to act like one big, happy family and then announce their separation.  And then I thought that maybe they all wanted an excuse to go to Hawai'i, and then they could drop this bomb after the New Year.  Well, there was no announcement at all, so I just figured they were still together, or limping along in this relationship because they can't overcome inertia.

So what should I make of that text?  There seems to be frustration behind it, so this could be another case of her blowing off steam because, say, my brother said something to her that pissed her off.  Or, this is an announcement months or maybe even years in the making; a separation might finally be in its final stages for some reason, and 2026 is the year the relationship changes -- or ends.  I don't fuckin' know.  I just texted her, "Um, OK," and she didn't respond.

This shit is just too weird, man.

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel?

So last week Mother was told by her physical therapist (she was taken by my brother) that she was progressing so well that she doesn't have to do any PT sessions anymore.  That's odd.  That is five total sessions cancelled because she was doing so well.

Therefore, what we were hoping for may still be true: Once the doctor looks at Mother's knee, if she gives her the OK, she is, for all intents and purposes, fully healed.  And, presumably, she is good enough to fly to somewhere warmer for the winter.

If so ... honestly, I have mixed feelings right now, but eventually, it'll be thank God.

Why Doesn't My Sister Just Fuckin' Have My Car, Huh?!

So my sister has been using my car.  It's small and short and thus manageable, unlike the unwieldy and old minivan my parents use.  That van is a warhorse, but it's hard to account for the size, and when I pull out of parking spaces, I'm always fearful that I'll hit something because it's so big.

Well, my sis has been using my car a lot, leaving me to use the minivan, mainly to go to and from work.  She now uses my car to ferry Mother around for physical therapy.  But before she has been using it for frivolous things, like seeing childhood friends and going shopping.  And it looks as though she is getting a little bolder when it comes to requesting it.  Last week she needed it Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, and I figured on Wednesday night that if she needed to use the car to take Mother to PT on Friday, I might as well use the minivan on Thursday as well as Friday.  I transfer the stuff I think I need to take to work with me -- sunglasses, sunvisors, maybe the tire pressure gauge -- into the minivan.  It doesn't make sense to me to use my car for just one day because I would have to shlep all that from the minivan back into my car, and then do the reverse so my sister and Mother could use it on Friday.

It's gotten more ridiculous this week.  Mother has physical therapy Tuesday and Thursday.  Sister said on Saturday that she wanted to use my car on Friday to see my brother and niece.  Finally, last/Sunday night she told me that her friend wants to see her for dinner, an early dinner, on Wednesday.  Well, shit.  If I need to take the minivan from Tuesday to Friday, I might as well fucking take the minivan today/Monday too, right?  So, for this week, it feels as if I own the minivan and my sister owns what used to be my car.  I should probably transfer the title to her since she's using it so goddamn much.

Fuckin' Christ, I think I transferred all my stuff from the van into the car, too.  I'll have to wake up early to dump all that shit back into the van.  Fuck me.  Oh yeah: I am annoyed, and my sister knows it, and she likes that I'm annoyed.  Pffft.

Addendum To: General (Car-Centered) Anxiety

I checked my coolant overflow tank Tuesday and I think it's below the "MAX" line.  Maybe; the tank is in a place that's surrounded by other parts, so it's hard to take a level look at the line, so I'm eyeballing it from above.  That's why I kind of think that it's been at that level, whatever that level is, for some time.  Well, I know that it was well above "MAX" once, and now it may or may not be below it, but it may have been around "MAX" for some time.  Does that make sense?

I still worry because not only will my sister put my car through its paces all around town as she's shuttling Mother to surgery and rehab for the next few weeks, I/we will be driving it places, too.  We're meeting our brother and niece tonight/Friday night for dinner and some escape room frivolity.  Then on Sunday I decided to go down and visit ****e for some sexytime (and to calm her down; the way she describes it, a donation through her phone turned into an identity theft attempt, and she had to wipe her phone, thus deleting all her contacts).  I could use this break right before Mother goes under the knife.  I just hope the car can withstand the punishment it's been getting, and not just with the coolant.

My Biggest Accomplishment In, Oh, Years

I did my first escape room (with my sister) Sunday; we failed.  My brother set up another escape room last/Friday night ... and the four of us (we three siblings and my brother's daughter, my niece) got out!  I'm not sure exactly how we got out, and I still suspect that the, uh, overseer opened doors for us (in a literal sense) even though we hadn't yet solved the puzzles because he just wanted us to get out of there.  But we made it!  Really, I don't think I've done something so successful in a decade!

Something Fun Shouldn't Be This Fucking Inconvenient

So I am doing this escape room with my brother, sister and niece tonight.  I want to look forward to it because it's, well, a fun thing to do, and I am doing something with my siblings, and I don't remember the last time I've ever done anything fun with them, let alone my niece.

Doing it tonight, however is a pain in the ass.  I work in The Fourth Position today, all by myself.  I need to get the work done because there is nobody else doing it today, and no one doing that job at all tomorrow.  For that reason, there is a chance I will be late.  I communicated my worry with my sibs.  But instead of offering a compromise, my brother just bought the goddamn tickets for tonight on his own.  I will probably have to leave stuff for one of my co-workers to do tomorrow, and that's not a good feeling to saddle someone with work to do when you had the chance to do it yourself.  I certainly wouldn't want one of them drop crap on my lap, but turnabout is fair play, and that is what I'm going to invite if I don't do all the work by myself today.

I have a Friday off coming up.  We certainly could have done the escape room then.  I can't see why we couldn't wait and do it then.  But nope, my brother said we're playing Friday.  So I have to fucking drop every goddamn thing and race to the escape room.  And I guess I shouldn't complain too much because my brother's the one buying the tickets, huh?

Moreover, my plan was to leave work early, go home, grab my sister and then go.  Going from work to home takes me in the opposite direction of the escape room, but that seemed to be the only way for all of us to play this game.  (It also necessitated me leaving work early if need be.)  This is the part that pisses me off.  While watching my alma mater's women's soccer team, I WhatsApped my sister that if I am able to get home in time, we have to immediately leave home to get to the escape room on time.  Then, she countered that she wants to go to the mall by herself.  She needs time to do that.  And, she wants to take my car.  I would then take my parents' very old van and meet her and my brother and my niece at the mall and the escape room in the evening.  Well, shit.

Being blindsided by her decision the day before fucking sucks.  I had to spend five minutes after I got home from the soccer Match taking out all the stuff I need to drive to work (sunglasses, sun visor, tire gauge to check the minivan's tires).  Also, this is the second time this week I've had to settle on the van while she gets to drive the newer car.  I sleep for lunch, and that's very hard to do in the van because the sun streams in through the windows; it gets hot and the radiation burns my skin.  It's no problem in my car because I have window shields that are fitted for my car's windows.  I obviously don't have them for the minivan, so I will probably be tired by the time we start the escape room because I haven't had my midday nap.  But worst of all is that I have to take this minivan in afternoon rush to the Mall of America.  Truthfully, I have no reason to believe it won't make it down there and back.  But it is a very old car, and I haven't driven it that far in some time, let alone driving it during afternoon rush.  There are certain aspects of this drive that will be foreign to me, and I hate needing to "learn" like this when my sister didn't have to shop by herself, and my brother didn't have to make the escape room tonight.  In other words, I think I am going to get into a car crash, or the van's engine is going to overheat, and I will fail to make it to the escape room.  It just feels like everything is getting set up this way.

Hate this.  Hate this all.  And I'm supposed to be having fun tonight, not feeling inconvenienced!

Doing Things With Family Is Supposed To Be Fun

So my sister and brother-in-law are coming home soon to visit.  They obviously have plans -- seeing their friends, seeing my niece, visiting landmarks around the Twin Cities and the state -- and that requires using a car, namely mine because it's newer than my parents' minivan.

Several hours ago she texted me about plans, which are getting more concrete in her head.  The Vikings Game I was going to work was flexed to Sunday night, so that means I'm free that day.  My sister thought that she could take my car to the Science Museum for a day with our niece.  I thought that with me being free now, I could go.  But she intimated that she thought it would be a day of just the three of them alone.  That's fine.  I'm not upset.

The thing that annoys me now, however, is that plans are taking shape for a big dinner that evening in St. Paul.  There are a couple complications that I'm still trying to figure out, and because of that I am kind of peeved.  For one: We are not going together.  Rather, they (my sister, brother-in-law and niece) are going to hang out at the Science Museum and then saunter over to St. Paul because the plan is for the dinner to be early.  My brother and sister-in-law are supposed to drive all the way over there from their home.  And we three (my parents and I) are supposed to drive from home to there.  That brings up the second complication: The minivan only seats two.  It was a work van from its days bringing deliveries from The Store to our vendor/clients, so one day, Father just ripped out the back seats.  They're in our basement now, but I don't know how or even if it's possible to put one of them back in.  So if he can't, what are we supposed to do, have just one of them ride on the floor of the van and get jostled around as we go across the river?

This is where a third car, namely a rental car, would be perfect.  As I've blog posted about before, getting one for a weekend would be perfect in order for them to do all that they want, especially if they want to go somewhere beyond the metro area.  But that would be the second weekend, not the first weekend, which is when the Science Museum and dinner are going to be held.  Them taking my niece to the Science Museum would be fine.  It's dinner that is royally screwing everything up.  Having dinner that Sunday instead would be better, even perfect, because it is my sister and brother-in-law's last day here.  And if we had a rental car, we would have a roomy vehicle for all of us to go wherever we want to go for dinner (and this would assume that my niece would be going with her parents, which are my brother and sister-in-law).

But nope, that won't happen.  Apparently, my brother has already made the reservation.  This planning seems so damn inefficient, and it makes us make inconvenient choices for some days that will also result in huge gaps of nothing to do in other days.  Such a stupid waste.  And now, I need to end this blog post because if I keep writing, I will only get more upset.

Weird Communication And No Communication

I don't want to talk anymore about doing overtime after work, even though a bunch of fucking bullshit came in in the afternoon that forced me to stay ten hours, and I know that'll really piss off my boss, but I can't blog post about that again because unless my boss does or says something, nothing's really happening and so I am just boring you, but still, I need to vent at how all this is stressing me out. ...

Anyway, I want to talk about two other things.  It's been months since I've spoken to my shrink, even though I have tried to set up times and he has blown through them.  In the meantime he has texted me these strange and nonsensical texts that taken individually seems like an innocent case of pocket dialing but taken together, frankly, is starting to sound like a man stricken with Alzheimer's Disease.  Last week I had a few days off and I texted him to see if we can talk.  He didn't get back to me till earlier this week, and he texted me these bloops and bleeps.  They weren't even words, man.  I'm starting to get really worried -- not only that he is not well, but that I don't know if I want to talk to him anymore.  In the meantime I have tried to loop his assistant back in; maybe she can make sense of all this.

Also, just because, I texted my sister-in-law to say hi.  She hasn't texted back.  She has never given me the silent treatment.  That makes me think her marriage to my brother is on the rocks.  Fucking greeeeeat.

So I'm Getting A Colonoscopy This Week ...

... and I have been alternately frightened and bemused.  I have heard about the clear liquid diet, the preparation for that, about downing diuretics and Gatorade and lots and lots and lots of water, then evacuating your colon to the point where your fecal matter is urine.  When my sister was here we had dinner with my brother.  He talked about the colonoscopy he went through, and he called it "pissing out of his ass," and I think I lost my appetite then and there.

Then again (and sorry to be graphic here), Saturday night, returning from the MNUFC Match, I stepped into Kwik Trip because I wanted something to consume, and I tried their smoothie machine for the first time, and by God, for the next three hours I was running into the toilet to take a crap.  I have had diarrhea attacks before, and I want to think that I will go through something similar later this week when I get on this regimen.  I've been on the toilet for 45 minutes at a time.  I've felt as though I am excreting my organs.  My anus has been on fire before.  It's not great, but it's not an unfamiliar feeling.  So how different can this be?  Right?

What scares me a little more is the food restrictions that I will be, and am now, under.  I start the low-fiber diet soon, and I'm scared I'll accidentally eat something I'm not supposed to eat.  Worse than that, I will be working two days before I have to start the clear liquid diet and I can see myself not thinking and eating something I'm not supposed to eat.

Moreover, I don't know what other people (including Mother, who is also getting her colonoscopy this week, what a coinky-dink) are told to do, but I was told that starting last Friday, I am not to eat anything with corn, popcorn, nuts or seeds.  My clinic says that these things can stay in my system for a long time, and they can interfere with the probe.  I don't think Mother and her clinic has that prohibition.  At any rate, I can totally brainlessly consume stuff with those things.  For example, all this weekend I've been watching soccer Matches (the leagues are winding up this weekend), and I planned on drinking myself silly on Bloody Marys.  But I think the mix includes celery seed.  That counts as a, you know, "seed," right?  In the long run it's no big deal -- I drank ciders instead -- but I like my Bloody Marys.  Also, I want to finally see Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 on Tuesday, and I always get popcorn.  But not this Tuesday.  And T-Mobile is giving me a free large popcorn too, but that expires ... on Tuesday.

(Aside: The low-fiber diet is weird in the sense that what I can eat is oftentimes bad for your health and what you can't eat is oftentimes good.  I was given a list and I can't help but see what is permitted and forbidden.  I'm not supposed to have any whole wheat, nuts, oatmeal, prunes, or granola.  There are some foods that I can eat that are good for you -- I think I'm going to lean heavily on bananas this week -- but most meats are permissible, as are milk (some people think it's too fattening, so I'm going to include it in the "bad food" column) butter and carbonated drinks, so I assume that means pop.  [I may not be able to eat popcorn, but I sure as hell will drink pop when I see the movie on Tuesday.]  Isn't it strange that to pull off this colonoscopy, I need to lean on stuff that's bad for me?)

Again, it's not a big deal (even though I hate passing up on free food), but the timing kind of sucks.  Then again, if I don't do it this week, the earliest possible date is the week of Independence Day, and I get the feeling my parents don't want to be in Minnesota that long.  So, I take the plunge this week.

I was told by my physician that if I get a clean bill of health, I won't have to do another colonoscopy for ten years.  There is the other method, the one pushed by ColorGuard, the one where you just shit in a box and send it in for testing.  I was told by my doctor that if you come up negative that way, you don't have to do anything like this for three years.  Honestly, I'd rather do the old-fashioned colonoscopy because it seems more thorough (I'll be knocked out, and if the doctor sees polyps he can just cut them out during the probe).  I also don't like pooping into a box.  Not to say the preparation isn't classy, but shitting into a box seems to be really, really barbaric.  I spoke about colonoscopies with my cousin (when my sister was here, we had dinner at his place), and he totally preferred pooping in a box.

Oh yeah, I also don't like shitting in a box because this Saturday Night Live skit scares the fuck outta me:

The Car Is Getting A Workout

What I suspected, and feared, as my sister stays for the week is coming true: My car is going to get a workout.  She drove all the way to my brother's place to spend the afternoon with my niece and give her her belated birthday presents from the family.  That's 45 minutes there and back.  And that's just the start.  She obviously has family and friends she wants to see, and they're scattered all throughout the Twin Cities.  I don't know if she's even tall enough to reach the pedals of the minivan, plus I don't know if she feels safe in a 23-year-old minivan.  So, unless she wants to stay home one of these days this week, she's going to take my car while I take the minivan to and from work every day this week.

I don't mind.  My car was just worked on, and besides the rear shocks and the battery cables getting a little creaky (so says the mechanic I just tried for the first time a couple weeks ago), it's as good as it'll be.  But I am dying to check the oil to see if it's leaking like I'm paranoid that it is.  And besides, that car is going to go all over the place, so the miles on the odometer will be ticking like no one's business.  My sis is going to give it a workout while she's here.  And hopefully it'll stay strong by the time I take her to the airport ... which is over half an hour away ... in my car.

Expenses Without Receipt

OK, starting from Sunday, January 8, 2023, and hope to Buddha I'm right because it's been almost a month and a huge two-week trip happened inbetween:

• I actually need to go back ... all the way back to Thursday, December 22, 2022, when we were on The Big Island.  My brother really wanted to take a tour of Kona Brewing Co.  I didn't even think to go do a brewery tour, but it's not bad.  I'm not a huge of Kona -- I'm not a huge fan of beer in general -- but their (I think) previous commercial tag line -- "One life, right?" -- is an existential epistle that basically sums up my outlook on life and the outlook all people should take to.  We had to pay for the tour, but at the end of it, we went to its little bar/merchandise shop called The Thirsty Gecko.  Yes, I was compelled to be a tourist and buy a couple things (and charge it on my credit card).  I also "donated" to the tour guide: $5.
• Later that day we all went to the Safeway on The Big Island -- I swear I didn't think there would be a giant grocery store chain on The Big Island -- because we all wanted to buy food, some of which we didn't eat and had to throw away.  My parents paid for everything, but because I shelled out money at Kona, I threw in a donation in one of those tiny plastic jars you see at the checkout line.  I don't remember what the charity organization was.  Left: $1.
• On Monday the 19th, back when we were in Honolulu, we spent most of the day at the Polynesian Cultural Center.  Think Disney World.  It's a very interesting and entertaining place to learn about cultures of the South Pacific.  It is somewhat concerting however, to learn two facts: The vast majority of entertainers and workers there are students at nearby BYU-Hawai'i; and this place is founded and run by The Church of Jesus Christ Latter-Day Saints, aka Mormons.  Anyway, we wound up the long (and mostly rainy) day eating at the giant buffet.  Great buffet; lots of food, some of which is geographically and culturally representative of the PCC.  There was musical entertainment: A duo that waited a long time between songs so someone in the crowd could ask for a dedication for their loved one's birthday or graduation, etc.  Whenever they sang "Happy Birthday" -- and they did it more than twice -- they would go, "Happy Birthday to you/Woo!/Happy Birthday to you/Woo!"  That got annoying.  I went over to their stage; they looked old and thus probably are not students.  But I threw in some money anyway: $1.
• On Saturday the 17th we went to this famous steakhouse in Honolulu called Hy's.  The steaks are smoked in Hawaiian wood; other than that, it's a steakhouse.  They graciously took a photo of us; unfortunately, it was on their 2000's camera, we all posed terribly, and the picture they gave us consequently looked, uh, ghastly.  But there was also a musician playing music to enliven the environment.  Nice guy.  Wanted him to play something jazzy, like "'Round Midnight" or even "Skylark."  He knew "Fly Me To The Moon."  I took it, and once he was done and went on break, I went back over to his line of sight and gave him a double thumb's-up.  Oh, and I also tipped him: $1.
• Friday, December 16: I accompanied my parents to Chinatown.  Whenever they go anywhere, they go to that place's Chinatown.  It's their happy place, their oasis of familiarity in a foreign land.  (Me, I go to secret bars.)  Instead of troubling my sister and brother-in-law, they learned how to get there on the bus -- or, rather, The Bus, the actual official name of public transportation in Honolulu.  Neat name, and I hear it's one of the best systems in the country.  But it is expensive: Three bucks per ride.  Getting to Chinatown and back was thus: $6.
• Finally, very early on Wednesday the 14th I got a ride from **y, who a few days before sucked my dick with a condom on.  After our session I nonchalantly told her I was going to Hawai'i and asked if she could pay her for a ride; she had said she takes gig jobs to supplement her income.  And she said she could.  Buddha bless her, it was sleeting that overnight/early morning, but she got there early and got me to the airport well in time.  So yes, it was worth paying her: $50.
• I hopscotched from MSP to SEA to LAX to HNL.  That was not my decision; I bought a two-legged one-way trip, but my airline (which, by the way, would not give me miles for this ticket because I went Basic Economy -- oh, fuck you) added a third leg, the one from SEA to LAX.  I was running on red and getting quite tirangry, but this apparently local favorite coffeeshop called Alfred Coffee hit the spot.  They say they are known for their iced vanilla latte.  Sure, I could go for that.  I don't know if it was the best iced vanilla latte I've ever had, but it kept me both going and sane.  With tip it cost me: $10.

Assuming I'm right, I'm good through December January 8.

My Asshole Brother's Silent Treatment Is Killing Me ...

... and so all my anxiety while sitting next to him for dinner evaporates just because we clink glasses for a toast and he asks me for the pepper shaker?  I hate that it comes to this -- he gave me this passive-aggressive look after I flagged down the dim sum waitress after I thought he wanted to talk to her about something --  but it does.  He's got me, that asshole.

And My Limit With My Family Ended On Day ... 2 Or 3

The stress over planning my sister's graduation, along with my parents bringing up, "So when are you going to get a girlfriend?" followed up by "So when are you going back to school?" did it for me.  Probably didn't help my cause that my sister was running around all day doing chores including picking up My Asshole Brother and his family; not a great time to ask her to pick her up from the beach.

But upon further reflection, it's My Fucking Mother.  She turned on the batshit crazy late.  After dinner, and after I sent her an edited video of one of my sister's graduation ceremonies, she was complaining that I sent her the same, unedited and raw video that included the person before her (a friend of my sister's) getting lauded.  I told her to look at the next video down from the raw one.  It was right on her fucking phone screen.  Then, later, she told me to pick up a duffel bag and a backpack, both of which were gifts from my sister and both packaged in these super-small plastic bags, off of the Murphy bed she and Father are sleeping on now, and for no good goddamn reason, she blurts out, "Why are you taking two bags?"  And honestly, I think I muttered, oh so silently, "Shut up."  (Oh, and another thing: My brother-in-law was about to sit down when he hesitated at the dining room table, and without anyone asking her, she goes, "Sit down -- are you stupid?")

A dozen more days of this bullshit.  And I haven't even laid eyes on that waste of space called my brother.  I continue to insist there's a non-zero percent chance somebody from this party is going to die.

---

Oh, BTW, I know that this is Saturday, and therefore I should have a Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey up and running.  But who am I kidding: I'm too busy dealing with the stress of family on vacation to do one.  It ain't happening.  And I doubt I'll have one for next Week either.  Sorry -- it is what it is!

When Is The Best Time To Buy A Ticket To Hawai'i For Christmas? (It's Already Too Late, Isn't It?)

I've been procrastinating on buying a ticket to see my sister graduated in Honolulu.  She walks in December, and the family has decided we are all going to make a big family vacation out of it.

It's been hell.  The logistical nightmare of 1) flying off the mainland 2) to Hawai'i 3) around the holiday and 4) staying upwards of two weeks (maybe more) to sightsee and have fun means we need to splurge on 5) accommodations and 6) transportation.  Add to it that this family is as dysfunctional as any otherwise high-functioning group of biological connected members can be has produced a long slog of not thinking about it, burdening one person (my sister) to make all the plans, and bitching about any plans my sister does make.  The back-and-forth about what to do, let alone where to stay, how long and how much, makes me wish I could just fly in for a weekend, see her get her diploma, then go back home.

What is coaxing me to think about this vacation more, even if I'm not doing anything, are the parameters set up by my other family members.  What I mean by this is my brother (and his family) and my parents have finally booked flights to get to Hawai'i.  Knowing when my brother is going to Honolulu and when he's flying back gives me good enough reason to find flights that don't depart and arrive on the same day.  I might have to pay more, but the awkwardness of boarding the same flight but not sitting together is worth it.

I did, however, wait on my folks.  There was a possibility that they would really want me to, instead of flying to Honolulu, fly to Las Vegas instead, and from there all three of us would head to Hawai'i.  I think that idea would have been viable if there were dirt-cheap prices on such a flight; it would then be worth it, the thinking goes, to hopscotch from MSP to LAS and then to HNL.

Alas, early this week I saw that my parents booked a flight to Honolulu several days before my sister's big day.  They did not consult me on this purchase, so I think there is no expectation for me to be on the same flight as them.  Moreover, I do not want to miss that much time from work, so I have another built-in excuse to just go off on my own.

And beyond that, when I called Mother about this flight they purchased, she said that she is waiting on flights back to the mainland (I'm guessing Vegas, though I'm not 100% sure about that) because she found two tickets back right after Christmas too expensive.  She thought she would stick around Honolulu and hang with my sister and brother-in-law through New Year's ... and maybe beyond.  That actually is a good thing for me when it comes to planning.  I had thoughts about spending a day or two or more in Las Vegas with my folks ... but that would have been right after the vacation in Hawai'i.  Also, I don't have the paid time off from work to spend, well, upwards of a month, and even if I did, I don't think I would want to.

So that seemingly frees me to find a flight back home on my own.  Pair that with flying to HNL solo as well, and, well, I have the freedom to get there and back however I please.  That clarity, or at least the limits against which I know when I should fly there and when I can fly back, spurs me to action.

Sort of.  Price is nominally a concern, a big one.  But I have it in my head right now that I really, really want to break up the flights to and from Hawai'i on a non-direct flight because I want to accrue as many points as I can on the airlines with which I have a frequent flyer number: Delta and United.  So right now (well, not right now, I'm going to bed after this) I have set up alerts (or at least I think I have) for round-trip, non-stop flights to and from Honolulu, one-way, multi-stop flights to and from, and everything in between.  I will bite as soon as these alerts tell me the prices they see are the lowest they'll be.  That's all I'm waiting on.

Unfortunately, this is Hawai'i for Christmas.  I have seen that travel experts believe the lowest fares to Honolulu are at their cheapest 1-3 months before the trip, although I wonder if the international "Goldilocks window" of 2-8 months would be more appropriate for Hawai'i.  At any rate, I'm procrastinating because the prices I've seen weren't cheap enough.  Unfortunately, I don't think I've seen prices that low since.  I'm going to wait a little longer because hey, in for a penny, in for a pound.  But I fear that prices will only go up from now, and I'll have to pay even more.

Knowing when to buy a plane ticket at its cheapest is a dark art.

RIP, Entertainment Weekly

I've been sitting on this news for some time, hoping I would give myself the time to write a proper, and long, obituary about it.  That's not gonna happen -- not only am I too rushed to ever do something that proper and long, but no matter how much I write, I probably won't do my relationship with the magazine justice.

About two months ago, I saw on Twitter that Entertainment Weekly would cease its print publication, becoming exclusively online.  I had been a subscriber (although I probably let it lapse for a month or so around the turn of the millennium) since Issue #10, which I believe had on the cover Bernadette Peters and, of all people, Kevin Spacey as Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker in the made-for-TV biopic Fall From Grace.  I was interested in the magazine as it was being rolled out because I loved all things entertainment and celebrity; it was a small factor as to why I went out to college in Los Angeles.  But I was a kid back in 1990, and I had no money to buy a subscription.  I remember my brother and I did a really stupid thing several years before that and subscribed to Sports Illustrated not knowing that, you know, we needed to pay the magazine money.  We finally confessed to Father about our mistake, and he somehow got SI to cancel the subscription.

That bad memory didn't seem to deter Father from cajoling me into subscribing, on his dime, EW after I had indicated I wouldn't mind reading the magazine.  (Have I blog posted about this before?)  I said no, he said why not ... he wouldn't fuckin' stop.  The reason he was so damn relentless was because he wanted to enter Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes, and either you needed to subscribe to a magazine or he thought you needed to subscribe in order to get a chance to win.  He can't read English, so used me as the way to get a subscription in order to enter the sweepstakes.

He didn't win, of course, but I got to read Entertainment Weekly, and frankly, I loved it.  The mag was informative, fun, and taught me a lot about both the entertainment industry and about writing.  I would spend a good hour or so reading it the afternoon I got it from the mail.  And, with some possible exceptions (a few issues may have been tossed as I laid them in the communal bathroom of my dorm floor), I would never, ever throw it away.  It just never occurred to me to toss them.  I bought them; why would I throw my EWs away?

Soon, the piles of magazines grew and grew, and so I had to find a box, and then a bigger box, and then two boxes, and so on, just so I could store them all.  In the meantime I got busy and so I couldn't read as much or as long as I used to.  Then, much of television entertainment shifted to cable, then satellite, then streaming, all three vehicles that I could not afford to spend money on, which made much of what the magazine covered foreign to me.  And all the while magazine publishing industry had taken (and continues to take) a massive hit thanks to the Internet, so EW would publish more "double issues" spanning this and next week.  Finally, about two-and-a-half years ago, the publisher said that Entertainment Weekly would become a monthly.  The logo still had "WEEKLY" watermarked on the bigger typeface of "ENTERTAINMENT" ever since August 2019, but there was so much equity to the name "Entertainment Weekly" that it wouldn't make sense if it re-named itself Entertainment Monthly.  With that drop in frequency, however, the news and reviews of movies and albums were too stale for me to read and care about.  They became less journalism to read through then, well, collector's items.

And collect I have.  I think I should have about 1,600 issues.  I've been chronicling my mostly half-ass efforts to store each issue in a protective bag, then file those issues away in boxes until I've done all of them.  I have about five boxes filled, which of course barely makes a dent in my stash.  All the rest of the EWs are in my storage unit, divvied up in paper bags stacked on top of each other amidst all the sports programs, old copies of City Pages and The Onion, and souvenir cups I've collected.  Still, it's my goal to preserve them all.  To what end?  Who knows.  If I die with all of them sealed, someone might just throw them all away.  But hey, I blame My Father.

Anyway -- and have I blog posted about this already? -- when the news came that Entertainment Weekly was going to cease print publication (the last issue was dated April 2022 but released last month), while I was sad, I was also relieved.  Since my joy of getting to read the journalism in an issue had devolved into feeling obligated to encase that tangible issue in PVC plastic, my main concern with the mag had become finding the time and the means to store them all.  It never felt as though I was catching up with these unsealed issues continuing to pile up.  I had wondered, considering the slow death of the industry, that the parent company of EW might one day stop printing print issues.  Since it has, that means there will not be a pile-up of new editions anymore.  There is now a set, uh, blob of issues I need to tackle, a blob that thank Buddha will not be able to metastasize anymore.  I now have a chance to finish what could be my life's work, as pathetic as that may sound.

And then I get sad again.  Entertainment Weekly has been a part of my life since 1990.  It had a good run, but I and we as a culture should always be sad at the death of a magazine publication.  It was a source of information that, well, entertained people, and that should never have a shelf life.  Also, as shady as the start of my relationship with it was -- seriously, if Father never pushed me to say yes to subscribing, I never would have, as curious as I would have been to read it back when I was a child -- it was a connection to my life when I was younger, when times were easier, and when I didn't have to worry about things such as breaking down and dying.

Well, EW just broke down and died.  And while I might be happy that I can see an end to packing up each and every individual issue I have, when I tape up that last loose edition and put it into a box, I'll be doing the same for the memories of my youth.

RIP, Entertainment Weekly.

My brother just bought tickets for Christmastime.  The entire family is going out there to see my sister graduate from her Ph. D.  Thought that the best time to buy tickets is four months before the trip, but I am now seeing on other websites that the best time is, like, right now.

Went down the ticket-searching rabbit hole for the past 20 minutes and it's about a grand.  I thought about splitting it up, trying to see if I can piece together a segmented round-trip whereby the stopover city would create an overall cheaper ticket, but so far, no dice.  Man, I need to buy a ticket for this now?

So My Folks Are Leaving After All

My parents dropped a bombshell on me when we had lunch at my asshole brother's place yesterday/Saturday afternoon: They are going to their condo next month, resuming their habit of wintering in warm climes.

I kind of wish they had told me sooner.  Now that I know they are going to go on an airplane and travel away from home, risking contracting the coronavirus every step of the way and potentially getting bedridden far from home (if they still consider the Twin Cities home), that means that I don't have to worry about doing the same thing and making them question my judgement.  See -- and I don't know if I blog posted about this already -- I had booked a flight to Baltimore that actually is scheduled for this week.  But partly because my parents haven't taken a trip anywhere, I decided weeks ago that I wouldn't take this one.  Now, if I were still hellbent on going, well, that would mean that all three of us would be taking possibly unwise decisions in the name of pleasure.  I should come clean that my parents' possible disapproval wasn't the only reason why I have decided not to go to B'more.  There are real COVID-19- and pandemic-related risks -- getting into a car accident and potentially having to deal with my injuries in a waiting room because there are no ICU beds, sky-high prices for rental cars -- that convinced me that I should stay.

Still, it sucks that I will need to cancel my trip just after my folks say they're going on a trip of their own.  Southwest will allow me to keep my funds as credit, but I will lose them if I don't use them by the New Year.  I had planned on just pissing the money away.  But shoot, I guess I can use those funds to visit my parents in Las Vegas now, can't I?

Wait, never mind -- I just checked Southwest.  There are no direct flights from here to Vegas, and I'm not going to make a stopover for this kind of trip, no way.

The Air Quality Double Bind

This is, without a doubt, the worst air Minnesota has ever seen.  And the air quality isn't going to get better for a while.

I keep forgetting this because it happens only every summer, but for the past, oh, five-to-ten summers, wildfires from Canada and the western United States has been blown this way, creating haze and, in extreme cases, conditions where sensitive groups will have trouble breathing.  But this past week or so, dammit, it's been something else.  There's a hell of a lot of smoke, and little wind from the south to push it all away.  So for the past several days we have had a thick blanket of haze that has gotten to the point where I notice it affecting me.

It got really scary Thursday night.  After work, I decided I wanted to watch the NBA Draft at Hooters Mall Of America, then swing by Burnsville to see if ****e is still living there.  Driving back (the garage door was open, but the lights inside weren't on, which to me meant a guy was there), under a blood orange sunset but a lattice of dust in the air, I started to hyperventilate -- just a bit, but my heart was racing.  To me, even though the temperature dipped, it was still hot and humid enough for me to turn on the air conditioning in the car, and that brought in the outside air which my lungs apparently didn't agree with.  So I turned off the AC and recirculated the air, and I suddenly felt better, but warmer.  Warm enough whereby I needed to cool off, so I went back to outside air and turned on the AC again, and I cooled down but started to breath in the dirty air.  I don't think I'm being a hypochondriac, but a few cycles of this while driving up from the south, and I started to get scared that I literally wasn't going to make it home before passing out behind the wheel.

I made it, but alarmingly, Father decided to not only not turn on the AC (even though we have air filters!), he opened up the windows, too -- you know, to let the air in.  Jesus fucking Christ, what is he doing?  And so I'm in a double bind in my room similar to one in my car: I have kept my bedroom window closed to keep out the polluted air, but I slept in just my underwear because I'm too hot, and I have decided that's better than opening up my window to cool off with air that might choke me to death.

I'm writing this now in the afternoon with the window still closed, and I'm still bleepin' hot.  Meanwhile my parents have all the windows open, for God's sake, probably because my brother and niece are here.  Good thing I bought some masks last night at Home Depot.  There was ample supply of them, too, which I find odd.

Anyway, the Air Quality Warning which had been in place from Wednesday till Friday afternoon (which itself was on the heels of an Excessive Heat Warning) was extended Friday afternoon till Tuesday.  At its worst, on Thursday, the air looked as bad as Beijing.  It was better yesterday, and it's better today, but that doesn't mean it's good.  And it'll stay bad for the next few days.  And, in the long term, these wildfires are going to be a part of every Minnesotan summer -- probably, due to climate change, forever.  I hope I live through this, because this is a particular kind of weather problem: How do you get away from the air you need to live?