Everybody needs to take care of themselves, and of course it would be far too easy for me to say they should tough it out.  Just remember that these assholes have a screw loose, and all they want is to dominate and humiliate and bully anyone they want to when they want to.  That is a large part of these culture wars we see.  And they're crazy because they're willing to play the long game even though everybody who lives in the real world don't think this is a game at all.  We just want to live, and yet we now have to live in fear because their personal information is being revealed by motherfuckers who want them to shut up.  And they do, and we do, and so they/we cede even more ground to these fascists.

It has to be stopped.  Utterly, and soon.

Doesn't Take Much For My Fucking Mother To Push My Buttons

I needed to talk to her last/Monday night about bills that came in.  I thought everything was done.  But she called back.  First of all, she called back during the weather forecast I wanted to watch, so that perturbed me.  Second of all, she worried about some stupid detail that she told me to take care of, namely writing checks instead of going online and paying herself.  And finally, she insulted me by explaining something to me that I already know and was also not what I was talking about.  That is probably due to the language barrier, but also because this happens all the time, I naturally get defensive about her condescension.

And I was being a good boy food-wise up till then.  I didn't drink any coffee at work; instead, I had a hot cocoa (given to me by my former supervisor two or three years ago) in the morning and tea in the afternoon.  After shoveling the driveway, I went out to use a gift card at a really nice brewery for chicken wings and two 5-ounce glass of different beers (plus a half-filled 5-ounce glass for free ... er, double free!!)  I thought I controlled my eating yesterday/Monday.  And then My Fucking Mother talks down to me and I'm wolfing down Dot's BBQ pretzel sticks to fill the hole she punched into my gut, and I feel all fat again.  Goddamn her.

She wants me to write and send out the checks in the morning.  I'll do it later tonight instead.  Because she can fuck all the way off.

What Would I Do?

Maybe I have to face the truth.  Maybe the reason I avoid venturing out during the day, or fear getting stopped by these assholes while driving, or run through my mind what I would do if I see someone getting abducted, is because I am scared of what I would say and do ... or not say or do.

I have proof that I am a citizen.  But it looks like these motherfuckers don't give a solitary fuck about that.  If they don't, and they decide to haul me in, what would I do then?  But there's something way more sinister than that.  It sounds as though these pricks insult you to your face in an effort to get you going.  I have a temper.  Could I be baited into saying something or doing something that'll be justification for getting taken away?  Absolutely.  Now, I have to remember that these pieces of shit have guns and therefore hold all the cards.  It might not matter what I say or do, or don't say or do.  They'll do whatever they want, at that time, just because they fucking want to.  And yet, I wonder if some of it would be "my fault" if I lose it.

And then there's the other side.  What if I get stopped in my car or on the street, and when they ask for proof of citizenship, even though I don't have to (and I have heard conflicting advice on this), I give them that proof?  And let's say they let me go.  Frankly, I would be relieved I wouldn't be kidnapped.  But what I did in order to remain a free man is to knuckle under this fascist régime's orders.  I would be complicit.  I just decided to give them what they want because I didn't want to get my ass kicked.

So what kind of a man, what kind of an American, what kind of a patriot would I truly be if I did what these Republican shitstains tell me to do?  And am I going to look the other way if someone gets spirited away into a plateless SUV to points unknown?  I'm afraid the answer to that last question is yes.  That murder Saturday morning really frightens me.  The first one here a couple weeks ago was bad enough.  But I am a big believer in that once you do something unfathomable and heinous, doing it again is much easier.  I'm afraid I can see a rash of killings by these racist government thugs.  Hey, in for a penny, in for a pound, right?  And it's that backdrop of these goddamn bullies threatening your life if they don't get their way that makes me scared that I will not be courageous when the time comes for me to be brave.

So, who will I be -- or maybe more to the point, what side will I show -- when these sons-of-bitches come for me -- the chickenshit too meek to do anything so he can go home in one piece, or the dead man who had to stand up to someone because it's the right thing to do?  I don't think I want to know.  And that's why I stay home as much as I can.  And that's why I hate myself right now.

Apparently, They're Here

None of these reports are verified, but I have seen on websites and heard from friends of mine that they are in the neighborhood now.  One said they're going door to door.  I saw a video taken at the trailer park nearby that shows two guys wearing winter masks, those fuckers.

I've downloaded transcription and recording applications, just in case.  I kind of wish I have a dashcam now, but, well, it may be too late for that.

I am trying to balance my fear of getting round up in all of this with my need to stand up to bullies -- for my neighbors, for my community, for my state, for the good people governing it, and for myself.  Frankly, though, I don't know if I can do it.  I have thought about texting my brother, at least letting him know that these assholes are in the area.  You know, just in case.

So afraid going out the past few days.  Am glad I was still able to see my friend without getting hassled.  But with this fascist vice tightening, there's no telling if, for example, I'll get stopped on the way to work.

Goddamn this world.

Fuck This Guy

What our country has become since January is pretty fucking bad.  But in a cultural way, what has happened in the past day or so really, really frightens me.

What I have seen from his killing (and by the way, this isn't an "assassination."  Go look up Chris Rock's bit about Tupac and Biggie and that's what think about using that term in this case) on my Facebook is the outpouring of shock and anger over this when those same people had nothing to say about (and this has been the assassination [and here the term is used appropriately because it involves a political figure murdered for political reasons] of Minnesota State Senator Melissa Hortman, her husband and her dog.  That observation goes down avenues that should be addressed individually.  First off, I am certain that most of the people who bitch about what happened and didn't say anything about the Hortman murders back in June are MAGAts who refuse to see how hypocritical they sound.  There are also arguments of "No one should be murdered for what they said!" when they either are unaware or refuse to actually listen to his arguments, all of which have a universal theme of putting down and insulting anyone who isn't a White, Christian, hetero, cis male.  When you add that his political organization made a list and subjected college professors to abuse for teaching subjects he didn't like to the point they were driven out of their jobs, it goes beyond free speech and into illegal action.  Finally, there are those who are only thinking of her wife and children.  I will give my sympathies to them, as I would to any human.  But based on what he thought of empathy, I am in no mood to give to him what he said he would not give in turn.

But the sanewashing (I may have said this before here, but this is a great word that speaks to the madness of our times) of this man after he got taken out has reached a level of national and cultural resonance that scares the living shit out of me.  Flags have been ordered at half-mast.  OK, he did not hold any political office.  That is what lowering flags to half-mast is for, not this asshole.  And other Governors, especially Democratic ones like Josh Shapiro of Pennsylvania doing the same in the name of "unity" is particularly gross.  How could they?  But there were moments of silence for this asswipe at the Tigers-Yankees and Commanders-Packers Games last night.  Why?  This guy was a podcaster, and a fucking racist, sexist, transphobic shit-stirrer.  And we're holding a moment of silence for someone who spat at the existence of people who don't look like him?!

And another thing: I will bet you that there are a lot of people who have no idea who the hell he was.  Which means that we are holding a moment of silence for some dude.  Not anyone who has tried to make the world a better place, not someone you would have at least heard about if you watch the news from time to time, but some shitstain.  But MLB and the NFL seemed to have bent the knee to Trump and Republicans in valorizing a man who thought Blacks were stealing White peoples' jobs, who believed that a woman's place is in the home, and who thought that everybody ought to carry a gun if they so choose.  Well, look where that last belief got him.

That is what scares me so much.  This paying of respects to a man who had no respect for people of color, women and the LGBTQ+ community seems to have been conditioned nation-wide.  (Worldwide too -- I just saw what I think was a meeting of the European Parliament when someone called for a moment of silence to honor this man.  What do Europeans give a fuck about what happened to this asshole in the United States?  Left-wing Members of Parliament wouldn't shut up during that moment, and good for them.)  And if the country has decided that this demagogue is indeed a martyr ... that means that the Republican mindset that anybody who doesn't toe their line is a danger to (their) America and should be eliminated becomes that much more acceptable.

I highly doubt that this shooting was part of some conspiracy.  But Republicans and Trump are putting in place a plan to make this country a White nationalist one, and they are using every event to reach that goal.  I was hoping that there would be some resistance to this slide into fascism.  What I saw in the past 24 hours is more proof that there just ain't enough.

CBS Is Cancelling The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

That is some bullshit.  Don't care how it's expensive to produce a late-night show.  This is political.  CBS and Paramount are in the middle of closing a merger deal, and they Trump's blessing.  Moreover, the bigwigs with Paramount (CBS's parent company) have caved to Trump before in settling a lawsuit he filed against them for, of all things, a 60 Minutes interview of Kamala Harris he didn't like.  He has no goddamn standing suing a television show that he wasn't on, and CBS gave him money anyway.

This goes beyond a shakedown, or even kissing the ass.  People want this merger to go through, Trump says he wants Colbert gone, and they say OK.  Simple as that, and you won't make me believe otherwise.

Yeah, we don't live in a free country anymore.  Fuck all this.

Had No Idea What To Do Or Where To Go Tonight

I had three things I could do tonight:

• I could stay home, watch sports and Saturday Night Live, and do chores, namely go through my stuff.  But the host for SNL is a comedian who slurs Asians, and by principle, I cannot and will not watch that shit.  In fact, I want to be out of the house when the show is on.
• I could go to the Cold War Kids concert at First Avenue.  But I went downtown to watch EPL this morning, and it seems like a waste to go to the same place both in the morning and then the evening.  Plus, the cost of a ticket is a little more expensive because the show is sold out, something I didn't expect would happen.  Beyond that, it's not an inexpensive ticket, and I still should not  be spending money willy-nilly, especially now that my boss is cock-blocking me from working overtime.  I just checked my checking account and, uh, yikes.
• I could go to the Girls' State High School Hockey Championships at the Xcel Energy Center.  But I am seeing a concert of two choral groups, Cantus and The Canadian Brass, at the Ordway tomorrow/Sunday afternoon, and I'm not really feeling going to St. Paul on back-to-back days.  Also I'll need to find parking in St. Paul, and I loathe paying for parking.  Finally, and I don't know if people know this, but the government agency that runs high school sports here in the state, The Minnesota State High School League, are a bunch of assholes.  I had a run-in with them when I was a part of The Media covering a Boys' State High School Hockey Tournament, other media members have had their credentials rejected for bogus and even no reason, and over the summer the association initially prevented three students from participating in a section track and field meet because their coach mistakenly left off their names off an entrance sheet.  That really pisses me off.  These motherfuckers at the MHSHL actually believe their shit don't stink.  And so, by principle, I don't want to validate them by paying a ticket for an event they run.  (There's another complication: One of my stripper girlfriends, *****a, works as a server in downtown St. Paul.  I want to eat at the place she works at, but there is Cossetta, another place I haven't been to in a while which I love.  Which place to go to?  And frankly, this dilemma would be solved if I did go to St. Paul both today and tomorrow.)

In the end, I have decided to ... go to the Cold War Kids concert.  I think, deep down, I will not do anything that benefits anyone I don't like.  (By the way, it'll be too tempting of me to turn on the television and watch SNL if I'm rooting around at home.)  So I will spend some money, have my hearing blown out, and go downtown twice in one day -- although, if I can rationalize this, it's two different parts of downtown, and I will not be crossing paths when I go back tonight.  And then tomorrow, after the concert, I guess I'll go to both Cossetta and the place where my stripper girlfriend works at.  Because hey, what's money and getting fat, right?

Well, Guess That Explains It

So the plan was to call the mechanic where I had my parents' minivan towed very early yesterday/Monday morning to reaffirm what I wrote on the envelope in which I put my key: I was driving Saturday when all of a sudden the battery light on my dashboard came on; I got to a safe space to park and turn off the car; I tried turning it on again but it wouldn't start; the tow truck driver gave me a jump-start and everything looked good.  I was going to strongly intimate that I think the only problem is that the cables aren't tight enough around the battery posts (and by the way, the battery is only a month old), and I shouldn't be charged for more than the winterizing the cables and battery ... although if they find something else with the van, let me know and I might approve that repair too.

These guys open at 7:30.  I actually woke up before then, even though I had set my alarm for 8.  (It's good to be able to wake up before you are woken up because that way you know your body is ready to be awake.)  I called at 7:45, but I didn't get an answer.  OK, they probably are running a little late.  I go get coffee on my way to work and I call again.  I get voicemail again, and this time I leave a message.  I then wait until around 12:30 to call, and no one is picking up.  I leave another VM, but this time I speak in a passive-aggressive tone because, at this point, I'm freaking the fuck out.

You must have the perception of car repairmen as greasy, skeevy, creepy losers who are always out to rip you off by bullying you into paying for repairs you don't need.  I never got the idea that these guys are that type of people, but why in the hell aren't they picking up their phone on a Monday when they say that they are open on Mondays?  Could there have been an emergency of some sort?  Had the phone system they have somehow broken down?  Did they lock themselves out of the shop?

If, in the worst-case scenario, they suddenly closed permanently, I would be so fucked.  The key I use I slipped into the building.  I can't find the spare key, and I sure as fuck don't want to ask my parents where it is because I don't want them knowing I am paying for repairs to their van.  If I somehow need to pay for a second tow, I would need a key to get into the van so I can help steer the van onto the tow bed.  And, oh yeah, I need a key to drive it, assuming it ever gets fixed.

With my day ruined because my mind was filled only with anxiety over this silent treatment, I had to drop by the shop (for the third day in a row) to see just what the hell is going on.  The van was still there, exactly right where the tow truck driver and I placed it.  I wanted to peer through the windows to make sure all the equipment was still there.  But then I saw a sign on the front door.  They were closed yesterday/Monday as well as Friday because they were on a family vacation.  They return to work today/Tuesday.

Well -- yeah, that makes total sense.  Of course no one would return my calls.  And why's a little family time the matter?  I was in such an angry and yet strung out state when the van got towed on Saturday (I had my alma mater's football Game to watch in the evening) that I completely missed the sign that said the mechanics are taking Friday and Monday off.  Whoops!  Well, at least there's an explanation.

Masking Nowadays

Went to the Queens Of The Stone Age concert last/Sunday night.  Quick review: Josh Homme (still don't know how to pronounce his last name) I think missed a couple notes and a couple lines (QOTSA did a gig in Chicago as part of Riot Fest down there the day or night before), but he was still his brusque, inscrutable self.  The important thing is he played all the songs I like of them the most, including one they don't play all that often, the one that got me hooked on QOTSA in the first place: "The Lost Art Of Keeping A Secret."  (I think Homme missed a couplet in that one.)  The show ended with the triangular light set-up on-stage shining so bright I had to shield my eyes.  The band left the stage at that point, presumably without saying goodbye.  Well, that's them, I guess.

Since Saturday, I thought about whether to attend the concert in a mask.  Since the pandemic is ... waning, I guess (and I will get the shot ... soon ... as soon as I have time), I have largely gone back to normal -- with one exception: I mask up.  Not as much as the thick of the pandemic, though.  And my mask-wearing has ebbed in many ways.  If I go indoors to eat, for example, it's about 50/50 that I even bring a mask, let alone wear one.  I am eating, and if a mask is there to protect you from the coronavirus but only if you put it over your nose and mouth, it won't help a lick if you're eating, so why bring it?  I have to admit, though, that peer pressure goes into my thinking a lot more than, uh, common sense.  I wouldn't care about wearing a mask to, say, Hooters if I didn't think I would get shit over it.  (And that's why I hope that the motherfucker who shouted at me "COVID's over!" at the State Fair, well, dies of COVID.  Fucking bully can go fuck himself.)

There are a couple of calculi I thought about for the concert.  It is a concert, and even though I got a cider to drink, you're there to watch music being played, not to eat.  It would make a lot more sense, then, to wear a mask that'll be in your face a lot more than it wouldn't be.  And if there was a, uh, gentler band I was going to see, I would have gone all out, N95 and everything.  But while I like Queens Of The Stone Age, and I think they have some, uh, progressive stylings to them, they're still a rock band, and I felt as though I would get shit for wearing an all-out mask to the concert.

I was going to wear my KN95, which appears to be the mask du jour for the (few) people who do wear masks while going out, but I don't know where it is.  I'm afraid I lost it, or threw it away.  I've had it for a while, so maybe I needed to get rid of it.  Anyway, without that in my car, I thought about double-masking -- a surgical mask underneath those cloth ones that have a pocket for a filter inside it.  (Remember those?  No one talks about them now.  I wonder if scientists have come to unanimous agreement that they don't work.)  But I have one cloth mask that is dotted with the logo of my alma mater, and I was afraid I was going to get ridiculed.  And then the other cloth mask I have in my glove compartment has a tear of blood.  I wanted to look bad-ass when I ordered it way back in the teeth of the pandemic, but 1) that blood tear isn't lined up right, and 2) I was really scared that someone would look at me and think I was trying to be bad-ass when, if you look at me, I'm not, and that guy was going to come up on me and challenge me.  Didn't want that if the crowd at the QOTSA was full of Republican tough guys.

So I wore just a surgical mask.  I'm not ready to declare them useless, but I think there is a long-standing consensus that they don't work all that well compared to N95s and even KN95s when it comes to preventing contraction of the virus.  And I was not razzed at all at The Armory.  But the few people I saw there were wearing the better KN95 masks, and seeing so many people breathing out in the enclosed rock hall, I conjured up paranoid visions of breathing in the virus.  So why in the hell didn't I just go all out and wear my N95?  I have many of them at home, and I haven't used any of them in weeks.  A concert would have been the perfect occasion to use them.  And so what if I get beat up for wearing one?  At least I wouldn't get COVID-19 too, right?

I am so disappointed in myself for caving into public perception at the cost of my health.  My main concern when thinking about wearing a mask is, "How would other people think about me wearing one of these things?" and not, "Would I be safer wearing a mask?"  And I've thought that way for too, too long.  I need to have the balls to wear a proper mask out in public, and fuck what strangers think.

To The Mediocre White Guy Who Shouted "COVID's Over!" To Me At The State Fair:

First of all, asshole, mind your own fuckin' business.  And second of all, you're probably one of those assholes who doesn't watch the news, because COVID's fucking back.

You think you're so goddamn clever when you shout that to me?  I flashed you the finger, and goddamn it, how I hate bullies like you getting under my skin.  All my life I've never been able to be free of you motherfuckers.  I hope you get COVID and die, you piece of shit.  I really do.

Trying To Be A Good Boy So I Can Get A Break On My Health Insurance

My screening is in the morning.  I am doing my damnedest to stay within my self as I fast, but either I'm so bored or so manic with hunger pains that my mind is racing in a hundred different directions as I write this.  Damn, I could use a croissant right now.  I'm just dreaming of Al's Breakfast and Hooters after I get my blood tapped.

This screening is for work.  The results of my blood will partially decide whether I get a break for my health insurance.  Things have changed when it comes to that, unfortunately.  Before, you only needed to clear two hurdles: Signing an attestation saying that you don't smoke, and having a BMI below a certain threshold.  I could clear both of those in my sleep (and heck, even if I were a smoker, couldn't I just lie and attest that I don't smoke?)  Starting now, there are three additional measurements they're looking at: Blood pressure, cholesterol, and A1C.  And to get that insurance discount, you now need to "win" three out of the five.

I've been above the universally-regarded normal BP of 120/80 for years now, so that's out.  I've been looking at my results from my visits to my doctor, and I can't find a test for A1C, so who knows if I'm under it or not?  And my cholesterol level was treading in the downward/right direction when I last got it checked, in November, but before I was perilously close to 200.  So, there's a possibility that I "fail" all three of these new metrics.  I could still get a discount at that point, but I'd have to sign up for some diversionary program offered by the health insurance company, and I know part of my paycheck is already paying for that, so that kind of feels like trying to make friends with your bully.  Besides, I don't want to let things get that far.

And so I am in the middle of doing things that I hope will bring down my blood pressure, A1C and cholesterol.  I took yesterday off to eat a healthy lunch (a salad with nuts and avocado and a nopales [that's a cactus] taco) at Centro (albeit with a gin and tonic -- but hey, no calories!), and then I exercised.  Will these concerted efforts help get my levels down?  Probably not.  I should have started this "cutting weight" a couple weeks ago, or better yet, maybe I could just start eating less and eating better as a lifestyle.  But hey, I'm doing it.

I also got a massage after exercising.  (Wanted to take a shower at home before going to the salon, but apparently my masseuse had so many cancellations the salon left me a message to see if I wanted to move up my evening appointment.  I feel as though they were strongly encouraging me to.  But I was starting my workout, and I need to be active for the next day's blood draw, so I compromised and went there straight from the community center.  Doesn't feel great to get a massage when you're all sweaty.)  I want to think that getting all the toxins out of my body will somehow lower my weight and cholesterol.  Doing this also meant I skipped the big dinner Mother inevitably would have otherwise made; I had water, yogurt and a banana instead, and that's a healthy meal, right?  

Finally, getting rubbed down really takes the edge off of you.  I wanted to glide on that good feeling as I went home and, best case scenario, just lay in bed, or fall asleep until I had to go the blood panel.  That was my strategy in hopefully getting my blood pressure below 120/80.  I figure that BP is the easiest of the three goals to manipulate 24 hours before the draw (and maybe the only one), so that if I do hit that mark, the A1C and the cholesterol level wouldn't matter.  That was working until the drive home, when I got stuck behind a slow car.  I looked at the lane next to me.  It was clear.  I went over, but just as I did, a truck did the same, and my damn heart jumped.  And then my temper flared up even more as I failed to make the light to turn left and eventually to home.

I still catch myself having these violent fantasies where I'm beating up bullies, and of all the times I can't have this red mist descend over me, this is the worst.  I need to be calm, relaxed, Zen.  That's the best way to get my blood pressure down and hopefully qualify for this discount.  But maybe I'm going to let myself down.  Hope not.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2).  I can't think of a better way to start the second half of a season in which you're scuffling and trying to put away inferior competition in order to sew up a playoff spot than The Oakland Athletics, who, as it was announced about a month ago, will (in all likelihood, because this is not 100% set in stone) be taken from the good people of Oakland and be placed in the furnace known as Las Vegas, which, according to Father, reached 117 yesterday/Saturday.  They have a lease to play in their Coliseum through next year, which they probably will invoke (which means, by the way, I should cancel the flight reservation I made to go there in September and use it instead on a different Southwest trip).  But the new stadium won't be built until, I think, 2027.

Anyway, all this negativity that has surrounded this organization for years reached a head with this move in the middle of this season, and that should be pointed out as the main reason the A's are an MLB-worst 25-69, and why they lost the first two Games of the series with Minnesota in Oaktown.  Granted, they were nail-biters: The Twins were down by a Run until Joey Gallo blasted a two-Run Home Run in the top of the Ninth Inning in Friday's Game, and in last/Saturday night's crazy contest they were tied at seven until Minnesota plated a Run in each of the final three Innings.  But they're still awful.

(Aside: I'm about to say something controversial [that's interesting]: While it isn't fair for the good people of Oakland to lose the Athletics after a half-century, and it is, ultimately this relocation is different from other such relocations such as the Dodgers being taken from Brooklyn or my North Stars being stolen away from Dallas.  The one very important fact: Oakland, respectfully, stole the Athletics from Kansas City.  In fact, the "Athletics" have been moved twice already: They were born The Philadelphia Athletics in 1901, ripped from Philly after the '54 season, and stayed in K. C. from 1955 to 1967, at which point they were snatched from the good people of Kansas City and put in Oakland.  I am afraid to point out that Las Vegas [at least the government is; word has it that no Las Vegan cares about baseball] is doing to Oakland what Oakland did to Kansas City what K. C. did to Philadelphia.  Once a franchise is stolen from the city in which it was born, it might as well be a vagabond outfit.  Sorry, but while I am angered by this move, that anger is measured in comparison to other relocations.

My outrage is partly fueled by the fact that with this move, Oakland will now have no major-league teams to call its own, at least technically.  The Raiders were stolen away to Las Vegas, and the Warriors moved to San Francisco, so one can at least say that organization [which, ironically, was also born and thus really belong to Philadelphia] remains in the Bay Area.  But Oakland will probably cease to be a major-league city.  The psychic damage that will be done will be immense and, I think, far-reaching.)

But this is The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  The Twins, who started off Friday a 1/2-Game behind Cleveland, are now 1 1/2-Games ahead of the Guardians because they have lost the first two tilts of their series vs. The Bastard Washington Senators (v.2.0).  A better measurement of how good the Twins really are should come from last Sunday's 15-2 battering at the hands of The Bastard St. Louis Browns, which completed a three-Game sweep at Target Field.  Thank God, once again, that this is flyover country and not the coasts, where franchises actually care about baseball and actively put money into their teams.

Once they finish up this/Sunday afternoon, they'll head to Seattle for three starting tomorrow/Monday, then come home for a trio with the White Sox starting on Friday.  This is a chance for the Twins to, possibly, pad their lead in the Division.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -3).  Wednesday, while I was concentrating on watching the USMNT struggle and ultimately fall to Panama, of all countries, in the Semifinals of the Gold Cup, the Black Hart was also playing the Loons' Match in Houston.  I picked the wrong Game to watch; MNUFC avenged their Open Cup battering a couple months ago by crushing the Dynamo, 3-0.  (Aside: I thought that the Americans were going to cruise into the final, but Mexico would struggle in the other Semi later in the night against Jamaica.  I was completely wrong, as the Mexicans thrashed the Jamaicans, 3-0.)  

That gave me some hope that opting back in to watching the Match versus LAFC (instead of going to the Nickel Creek concert; here's all the internal drama over that), a club that, despite being in second place and winning at St. Louis mid-Week, was desperately out-of-form as of late.  No dice; the Match ended 1-all.  United FC, once again, had their chances, courtesy of Emanuel Reynoso, to score, especially to start the Game, but they couldn't finish.  Laugh-See, then, capitalized in the 21st Minute, as a moonshot connected with Carlos Vela, who outmuscled and outhustled Michael Boxall for the ball, then swerved around an oncoming Dayne St. Clair to score into the open net.  Three Minutes later, however, a weirdly intricate series of passes in the box, the last of which was a Kervin Arriaga lifter, ended up with Reynoso side-kicking a low shot past the Goalkeeper to tie it up.  And that was that.

Teemu Pukki, the squad's brand-new signing (and latest Striker), actually scored against the Dynamo, but he seemed largely ineffective last/Saturday night.  I saw around Allianz Field a couple people wearing paper birthday hats; as the Pukki signing was streamed, someone (maybe the team's PR department) said the announcement was a "Pukki Party," and so people are wearing hats as a cheeky sign they're supporting the new guy.  I hope it works out, but if last night was any indication, I fear that, once again, the rube hype over another new finisher will vastly outstrip the reality of scoring Goals.

While they didn't technically lose this screening Week, they blew a chance to get back into a postseason birth by not winning.  They sit tenth in the West, albeit a Point behind the Dynamo for the final playoff slot.  And the reason why the Loons sit behind the Twins in this Week's WMNSS is because they will stay sitting in tenth and out of a postseason spot for a month as MLS stops league play to concentrate on the brand-spanking new Leagues Cup, a competition between Major League Soccer ballclubs and squads of Liga MX.  They will play Puebla and Chicago, both at home, next Week.  You know, I haven't thought of whether I should track the XI for the WMNSS or not. ...

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  Congratulations to Napheesa Collier for dropping 20 and helping Team Breanna Stewart defeat Team A'ja Wilson in last/Saturday night's All-Star Game in Las Vegas.  Now, back to reality: The Jynx came into the All-Star break on the receiving end of a pair of vicious skull-fuckings -- by 24 to The Bastard Utah Starzzz last Sunday and by a franchise-worst 40 to The Bastard Detroit Shock Wednesday.  Both ass-kickings, by the way, were at home.  And that loss to Dallas was the annual day camp Game.  Young girls were watching their heroines getting their brains beaten in.  DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT LASTING DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE TO THOSE PRECIOUS KIDS BY LOSING SO BADLY?!?!?!

This past Week proved so starkly how Minnesota just ain't gonna win the WNBA Championship this Year.  And yet there are so many teams tanking resetting for bountiful draft next Year (Seattle, Phoenix, probably Chicago, maybe Los Angeles, and by the by, Indiana is The Worst Team In The League, but I think they're trying to win) that the club is going to make the playoffs because they're not bad enough not to.  For example, this screening Week, while busy, starts off with a Game in Atlanta on Tuesday and a home showdown with the Sparks on Thursday.  Those are both winnable.  Saturday they host Las Vegas again.  That one is not winnable.

#-Infinity: Whitecaps (Re-Entry!).  I neglected to write about this story when news of it broke out, out of nowhere, last month.  The Premier Hockey Federation was bought by the Professional Women's Hockey Players' Association with the help of longtime front office executive Stan Kasten and fucking tennis godhead Billie Jean King.  The PHF, apparently, is dead.  And the last moment of its existence apparently will be the Whitecaps giving up the Isobel Cup-losing Goal three Minutes into 3-on-3 Sudden Death Overtime (wondered how the OT lasted that long).

This situation is strange, and the tributaries that flow into its apparent denouement are strange, too.  The PHF (born as the National Women's Hockey League in 2015) soldiered on as The Little League That Could, going from four to five to six to seven teams over the Years.  The 'Caps, born as an independent showcase team, joined in 2018 and won the Isobel Cup in its first season.  But the really good players, the ones you see play in the Olympics, never played in the NWHL/PHF.  I don't really know why, although they unionized as the PWHPA in 2019 and the league is non-union.  The PWHPA teamed up with Kasten, King and that chairman last Year in an effort to form its own league separate from the PHF.  And whenever I heard the players under the PWHPA talk about playing pro hockey full-time, it always seemed as though they were invoking the National Hockey League as a partner, even though the NHL never seemed to reciprocate or even acknowledge that relationship.  It sounded desperate, if not thirsty, for The Best Players In Women's Hockey to try and attract the attention of the male-dominated NHL.  It appeared as if they could have provided an example of independence and female empowerment by just winning a spot in the PHF and showing everybody how fucking good they were.

Little did I, nor a lot of people working in the PHF, know that behind the scenes earlier this Year, the stakeholders of the PHF were willing to sell themselves to the PWHPA and its backstoppers.  The General Manager of the Whitecaps re-signed one of its players, Rookie Forward Natalie Snodgrass, to a two-Year deal Tuesday, June 27.  News of the deal hit two days later.  And under terms of the deal, everybody's contract was immediately voided.  Everyone who worked at the PHF were all out of a job that day -- players and front office people too, including Chi-Yin Tse, 'Caps GM.  The whoring by the league, the suddenness of the news and the out-of-nowhere aspect of the news reminds me of the PGA-LIV merger in golf ... well, except that I don't think the PWHPA et al. ever murdered and dismembered a journalist they didn't like.

So instead of forming its own league (the members of the PWHPA divvied up into four teams that weren't city-based and played over two weekends in Canada in October and November of last Year), the PWHPA instead bought a league it considered itself superior to, then hollowed out all of the people who worked for it so it could move into its host body.  I find all of this shady, if not despicable, and if women's hockey had more of a national following, I think more people would regard this move with a lot more contempt, too.  They may have had non-union issues with the PHF, and thought that this ruthless move ensured they themselves won't lose their jobs like they did when the Canadian Women's Hockey League (CWHL) went belly-up in 2019.  But they essentially fired a bunch of players with this shock merger.  The money people has set up a pool that will dole out severance (as determined by the money people, probably) to all contracted players and even more money for anyone who tries out for the league and fails to get a spot.  If you live in America and are smart, you know not to trust the word of people who have the money.  Not to mention it ain't right to just fire people outright.  I wonder if this "deal" has a Non-Disclosure Agreement attached to it.  If so, there has to be one contracted PHF player willing to break it.  I mean, the money you would be given isn't worth signing the NDA, is it?

Beyond that, I cannot help but see this as bullying.  And I find it depressingly ironic that people I would look to as fighting the good fight have instead went over to the dark side because they can take what they want through power, money, talent and fame.  One of these superior players, Canadian Sarah Nurse, herself was out of a job upon the death of the CWHL.  "We're not celebrating dissolving a league," Nurse is quoted as saying in this Associated Press article.  And yet she, through her union, has dissolved the league.  "Our hearts definitely go out to (the PHF's) players and staff because we know what it's like to have a league fold and get that phone call," Nurse also said.  Really?  Because she was able to take one of their roster spots without needing to earn it on the ice.  And I'm guessing she didn't pick up a phone to spread the news, either.

If I were a PHF'er and saw that quote from Nurse, I would vow to injure her if we ever were playing in the same hockey Game, new league or beer league.  I don't believe she fucking believes her bullshit, and I don't think she cares that she doesn't believe it.  I don't think any of the players in the NWHPA give a shit about any player losing her job in the league.  Look past all of the performative well wishes, their "Chin up, you'll find a job in hockey" bromides; understand that it is shameful to destabilize people's livelihoods in order to guarantee stability in a league that you decided to acquire.  Nurse and them, for all of the wondrous talent they'll now feel free to showcase in their host body, are nothing more than victims turned perpetrators.

(Shame, by the way, has to be flung at Billie Jean King, too.  This trailblazer for women in sport has also okayed women losing their places in sport.  I thought her support for Virginia Slims cigarettes as she helped start a women's tennis association in the seventies was understandable, but I now pair that with this disgusting merger as a disturbing pattern of someone who sees in the taking of dreams of the people she helped allow to dream the full realization of women's liberation.  I shake my head.)

So, what of the Whitecaps?  According to that same article I linked to in the previous paragraph, there will be only six teams when the new league (I'm guessing it'll be called the WNHL -- the Women's National Hockey League ... yoo-hoo, sailor!) starts, presumably next season.  The Twin Cities apparently ain't one of them.  So the Minnesota Whitecaps, a team founded by two hockey dads that sustained itself by essentially being barnstormers, make a deal to home itself in a league, only to be reduced to an asset that will be buried under piles of Intellectual Property papers for the next half-decade as this new league starts up out east.  A dream turned into a line item, hrmph.

Once the news becomes official, I'll write about them again.  But I don't mind starting the obituatry now: RIP, Minnesota Whitecaps.

My Super-Specific Predictions For LVII

Most people say this Game, between The Bastard Dallas Texans and the Philadelphia Eagles, will be a close one.  It pits the best team in both Conferences.  The oddsmakers opened the spread at PHI -1 1/2, and I don't think it's gone more than 3 anywhere.  And the ELO Rating, at least according to FiveThirtyEight, has the Kansas City Chiefs favored, though not by much.

So everyone I see expects this to be a close Game.  However, I just don't see it that way.  The final margin of victory I have decided on might be decided late on a desperation pass that turns into a pick-six, but I see one team stand out above the other: The Eagles.  Now, I don't like it.  The Chiefs seem to be a good and likable group of people, and I love the way Patrick Mahomes plays.  I like the city; been there a couple times, have been treated great (although the strip clubs could be a lot better).  And I like the small quirks Head Coach Andy Reid puts in the gameplan to make the players remember that this is a fun Game to play, quirks such as the Ring Around The Rosie in their last Game of the regular season.  Meanwhile, Eagles fans are assholes.  I'll never forgive them for bullying and punching Vikings fans when they traveled to Philly for the 2018 NFC Championship Game.  They also punch horses.  And they horseshit.  Really, they eat horseshit.  What kind of human does that?

So maybe it's my pessimism that's leading me to thinking that the Eagles are going to dominate the Chiefs.  But I think the Chiefs are going to have a bad Game, not dissimilar to their dismantling at the hands of The Tampa Bay Buccaneers in Super Bowl LV.  With that, I begin my annual Super-Specific Predictions For LVII:

1) The big reason I think the Chiefs will not be the Chiefs in the Super Bowl: I think Mahomes's ankle sprain is worse than the team and he are letting on.  He is a capable, even superb, passer, but he pulls Games into his gravitational pull because he can scramble, improvise and extend plays with his feet.  I don't think he'll be able to do that with his ankle sprain.  So he won't run much, probably 15 Yards or fewer, and while I can see him throwing for just about 300 Yards and two Touchdowns, I think he'll be forced into two Interceptions.  And he'll be sacked at least twice.

2) Kansas City lost SBLV because it went into the Game without their starting Tackles and the Offensive Line as a result got run over, play after play.  They have poured millions of dollars into the OL since.  And yet I think it'll get paved over tonight, too.  Don't know why; every Chief O-Lineman grades out really well, and they're all healthy.  But the Iggles' Defense is mean, and that Defensive Line is nasty.  And I think Haason Reddick continues his superlative finishing kick, getting 1 1/2 Sacks.  (Something to note: ESPN's Adam Schefter says that Defense guru Vic Fangio, who once had to face Mahomes twice a season as Head Coach of the Denver Broncos, has been signed by the Eagles for the past two Weeks as some sort of consultant to help with the Eagles' Defense.  I didn't think such a temp job was allowed in the NFL.)

3) To counteract the Eagles' ability to rush Mahomes with only four players, I think Reid is going to deploy a lot of pre-snap motion, chip a lot, and rely primarily on screens.  Unfortunately, that closes down the Chiefs' playbook, and the Eagles are going to do a tremendous job of shutting down K. C.'s deep game.  I don't predict any Wide Receiver getting more than 75 total Yards.

4) And what about Travis Kelce, making a case to be The Greatest Tight End In NFL History?  He won't burnish that case in SBLVII.  He is Mahomes's brother from another mother, practically joined at the hip with him.  But that means Eagles Defensive Coordinator Jonathan Gannon is going to aim his excellent Linebackers and Secondary to double- and maybe even triple-team Kelce.  He's also going to do more than his fair share of blocking to blunt Philadelphia's Pass Rush.  So even though I can see him catching a Touchdown, he won't surpass 75 Yards receiving.

5) Big Games seem to be the time when a person's worst tendencies come out, and I think (even though he seems like a likeable enough guy), Andy Reid will revert to less than his best self.  He has a tendency to over-rely on the passing game.  I think that, even with the short passing game he'll concentrate on, he'll abandon his Running Backs in very short order.  Reid will call on a lot of jet sweeps, and screen passes will be thrown to WRs Juju Smith-Schuster and Marques Valdez-Scantling.  Isiah Pacheco will be limited to less than 50 Yards rushing with no scores.

6) When the Eagles have the ball, there is, in my humble opinion, only one weakness: Left Tackle Jordan Mailata.  He grades out worse than his linemates, and that should give the Chiefs Linemen who will line up opposite him, Frank Clark and Carlos Dunlap, chances to get by him and get to Philadelphia Quarterback Jalen Hurts.  One of them is going to get a Sack in this Game.  (George Karlaftis, the Defensive End on the other side of the line, will get one, too.)

7) However, Hurts is not, uh, hurt like Mahomes.  Eventually, Eagles Head Coach Nick Sirianni will shift blocking and plays to the right to mitigate the relative weakness from Mailata's spot.  Moreover, Philly will establish the run game early and to great effect.  Expect Miles Sanders to be used frequently, and he'll churn out 100 Yards rushing and one Touchdown.

8) That will open up play action, and while Kansas City is a good Defense, I don't think they'll show themselves to be a great Defense in the Super Bowl.  The analytics site Football Outsiders breaks down this game to a molecular level, and it reveals that the Chiefs can be exploited over the middle.  Therefore, Eagles Running Back Kenneth Gainwell will be a surprising star in this game.  He and not Sanders is the team's Pass-catching RB, and you'll see him slip through on checkdowns and be the hot Receiver as Chiefs DC Steve Spagnuolo calls for more and more Blitzes to rattle Hurts as the Game wears on in Philly's favor.  Add that he will split carries with Sanders and I can see Gainwell, uh, gain 150 total Yards from scrimmage and haul in a TD.

9) I think Philadelphia will win the Time Of Possession battle and keep the Game on the ground, but the triple-headed attack of DeVonta Smith, A. J. Brown and Dallas Goedert will get their shares of catches down the field as the Chiefs try and fail to stop the run.  This is kind of a cop-out, but I'll say it nevetheless: Those three players combined will get 225 Yards passing and two TDs.

10) The Chiefs have been garbage on third-/fourth-and-short all Year.  They'll face a similar situation once in the Super Bowl and fail to make the line to gain on both that third and that Fourth Down.

11) This is how I see the end of the Game playing out.  The Eagles will lead all Game, but be up by only a score (and I'll say eight Points) in the back half of the Fourth Quarter.  In desperation and with the Eagles infiltrating the Backfield again, Mahomes will run, or try to run, on his gimpy ankle, throw deep to a triple-teamed Kelce and get picked off.  And Jalen Hurts, who'll throw for about 350 Yards passing and keep K. C. honest with 25 Yards and a couple First Down pickups, will march the Eagles down the field for the dagger Touchdown.  He'll win Most Valuable Player only because Quarterbacks always get MVP.  If he produces in the way I think he will, Kenneth Gainwell should be the MVP (although I can see Haason Reddick deserving the honor if he goes buckwild like I think he could).

Super Bowl LVII Prediction: Eagles 38, Chiefs 22.  If I were willing to bet, I'd bet on the Eagles to cover what appears to be a spread of between -1 and -2 1/2.  And if I am wrong and Kansas City wins, I will be pretty happy to be wrong.

Enjoy the Super Bowl, everybody!

My Father, The Cuck

As much of a domineering bitch My Fucking Mother has been, I haven't said much about My Fucking Father.  That's because My Fucking Father hasn't done much of anything on this trip.  In fact, he has been well nigh invisible all trip.  Only yesterday/Sunday did he contribute anything of value: We used his card to get into Volcanoes National Park for free, and then he helped My Fucking Mother cook.

Every other time he has been a passenger, if not a cuckold.  The only other time I remember him of any note was back in Honolulu while My Fucking Mother was preparing dinner at my sister and brother-in-law's place.  She was riding him for some bullshit, and he had a hissy fit, left through the front door and, I guess, stood out on the balcony and stewed while she finished cooking and setting up the dining room table.  Besides those three instances, it's as if he wasn't even here.

It is infuriating, if not illuminating, to see how My Fucking Mother treats My Fucking Father.  It's a combustible and at times contemptable relationship.  There are many roles I've seen them play throughout my life, but one where she runs roughshod over him feels like a dominant one, and thus a true one.  She has called the shots too many times on this vacation, and has been wrong too many times.  For example (besides ordering me not to drive), she bought so much food that about half of the food we bought will have to be thrown away.  And she has insulted and belittled pretty much everyone on this trip if she doesn't get her way.

So, what does My Fucking Father do about that?  Psychological displacement, I guess.  It was in full effect just now.  After I finished taking a shower and went downstairs, he walked down the stairs too.  He was rummaging around the kitchen and eating a bunch of things -- chips, cake, etc.  This was about four hours after a big dinner in which I noticed that he didn't eat much.  But eating now?  Well, it seems as if he is trying to tell everyone (including himself) that he eats when he wants to eat.

My Fucking Father then runs up to me and lectures me on things I can do to "improve my lifestyle" -- bullshit issues he has raised with me from time to time like "Don't eat so much" and "Use the scale more often."  I don't know why he raises these issues with me, but I might have a theory as to why he raises these issues with me when he raises them: My Fucking Father wants to reassert some control over me because he thinks My Fucking Mother spells out everything I do in my life.  She doesn't -- neither does he -- but I think he sees himself pushed off to the side, and so, in the dead of night, when My Fucking Mother is asleep, My Fucking Father skulks around and tries to plant ideas in my head in an effort to see them bloom into something that he can call his.

Anyway, I hand-wave his entreaties.  After all, I'm eating so much because My Fucking Mother bought too much goddamn food.  So My Fucking Father goes back into the kitchen and searches for more food to eat.  And then he offers me cake!  I say no because, like he said, I shouldn't eat so much.  So he cuts himself a slice of cake, proceeds to sit down on the stairs leading to the living room where I'm sleeping ... and then offers me a slice again!  And this time, because I don't quite believe him when says I shouldn't eat so much (BTW, is he lecturing anybody else here on eating too much?) and because I want him to shut the fuck up, I fuckin' say yes.  It's guava cake, and actually, it takes good, although it feels fattening as hell.  Whatever ... the point is his hypocrisy.

Why is that?  Why did My Fucking Father do exactly what he told me not to do not even five minutes before?  The only thing I can think of is that he doesn't believe the words coming out of his mouth.  That's all I've got.  You know, maybe I shouldn't care about anything he says from now on.

I Hope I Don't See You, Toy Cop, But If I Do, I Hope To God I'm Ready For Your Ass

I have my dental check-up this morning.  I wonder if COVID-related policies about needing to show proof you're supposed to go through are still in effect, seeing as I had this run-in with a fuckin' toy cop at the U. the last time I was there because I needed information to fill out a claim form to get reimbursed for my last dental check-up.

Look, I don't want a fight.  But I have thought about this rank-pulling prick ever since that day, and I go into this revenge spiral, and when I come out of it I am practically begging for him to pick a fight with me so that I can ... I don't know what exactly.  But I'm prepared to show him that I'm a man, and I am entitled to respect, however much his badge or gun makes him believe he's better than me.  He really is nothing but a toy cop.  He really isn't much better than any of the cowardly assholes of the Uvalde Police Department cuffing parents while allowing a son-of-a-bitch teenager to practice target shooting on little kids in a school: Able to bully people who can't fight back, but pissing down their legs in the face of someone with a weapon.

I think I am going to show him the text showing that I have an appointment, but hold the phone up in such a way where I'm flashing him my middle finger.  And if he gets triggered ... well, then, it's fuckin' go time, motherfucker.

You know, once I got out of high school I swore to myself that I would stand up to bullies.  I was tormented by them all throughout junior high and high school, and I didn't think I had the means or the support to fight back.  But I became an adult, and I didn't have to schlep to the same place over and over, and so I was able to avoid the assholes who hated me.

Unfortunately, though, this is life, and assholes still bedevil me.  I've thought about what I would do if I were bullied as an adult.  Do I stand up for myself?  Could I stand up for myself?

And now that the minivan might have some real bad problem with it, I am starting to regret my plan on driving (my car) down to the Mall Of America after work (I am filling in for someone today) for fear that something bad is going to happen to it while I'm driving.  Shit, man, I was scared the car would do something to me when driving home after working the fight last night.  It didn't, of course; it shouldn't because it was serviced a couple weeks ago.  But the trauma of a car that betrays you while you're trapped in it never leaves you, does it?

By the way, despite my fear, I'm driving down to the Megamall.  I'm not saying fuck fear.  I'm totally fearful.  I just can't let the thought of my car failing me as I drive it bully me into not doing something I want to do.  That's not taking the attitude of "fuck fear."  It's ... something else, I don't know what.

I was going to talk about either staying late for work or the fact that ****e has not gone away.  But my parents just had a huge fight that got loud.  They scream at each other from time to time, but when I hear loud noises and not just loud voices, well, I get up out of my bed, look at my hands and hope I can ball them into fists fast enough if need be, and walk out to the yelling.

And there, I saw a bunch of things taken out from underneath the kitchen sink.  My Fucking Father was there.  I conclude that he is cleaning, maybe.  Then, My Fucking Mother slammed the backdoor shut and scurried downstairs, screaming to the point of tears at, I'm guessing, My Fucking Father complaining to her about, I'm guessing, how she's not cleaning the way she's supposed to.

If My Fucking Father is telling me to clean my room, he can do it his fucking self.

Anyway, I'm not sure who's at fault, but I don't give a shit either way because I have been victimized by both.

God, can they just fucking go already?

Mole In The Resistance?

For the first time in a long time, the Resistance over the alumni clubs met.  It was convened by someone I would call a "shadow figure."  He says he cannot be a conspicuous figurehead for the group, but besides that he is an extremely active, and vocal, member of our group.  In fact, I have sometimes chafed over both his opinions and attitude -- at times -- knowing that he has not put his face and reputation on the line by actively engaging with the other side in our attempts to broach some sort of compromise.  He has his reasons; nonetheless, I think we need to assert our side a little more -- at times -- because we are the ones doing the dirty work.  (With that said, I need to point out that lately he has been more cognizant of his position in this group.  He still has questions and wants to contribute, but he did say that he asks those questions and volunteers his time and effort even though "he isn't there."  A little self-awareness is all I ask.)

And I am digressing.  The point of this blog post is that, after this Zoom meeting, I went over to what was once my alumni club's Facebook page.  It is still there, but now it is co-administered, and thus co-moderated, by members of the alumni association.  This was done before the decision over the summer to kill off all domestic alumni clubs.  When that happened, we were told that officials with that department would take a more visible role in social media platforms.  In, well, taking over our Facebook page, for example (even though I still was allowed to remain as an administrator and moderator), I was led to believe they would post more.  It might be articles touting the university, propaganda as such, but, well, I didn't think I had much of a choice.  (Even though I did -- I might get to blog posting about that some other time.)

That increased publishing hasn't happened.  I think some person I do not know posted two links to which members could sign up for some study of some sort.  But since this change began, no one from that association has posted anything.  I, however, have, and still have.  I could have, and maybe should have, taken this stupid decision as a reason to walk away from doing anything connected with my alma mater.  But I can't quit it.  So I am staying and fighting.  And I am occasionally publishing stuff on the football team and news about my alma mater and surrounding Los Angeles County.

So back to last night.  I posted on Facebook a death about a member of the football team (he was with them in the eighties) last night, just before the meeting.  I check back later ... and that post was liked or "reacted" (and if he did "react," he gave the sad emoji since the post concerned a death) by the head of my alma mater's alumni association.  It is the first time I have seen him lurking around our Facebook page.  Moreover, he liked my previous post about a five-star recruit committing to my alma mater.

Yes, this may just be coincidence.  Nonetheless, I'm freaking out.  The night we huddle together for a meeting, and then this guy, who all of us consider to be cutthroat and Machiavellian, just starts to come around my way and liking my posts?  I understand I might be looking a tad paranoid, but I'm not.  I'm really concerned.  I'm really concerned he choose to, well, pick on me because we're meeting again.  This is not some innocent gesture of solidarity.  He's probing for weaknesses.  He's playing mind games.  And ... no joke, I think someone from the meeting tipped him off that we were meeting.  This leader of the association was tipped off by this meeting by an apparent mole, and he decided, of all the people in The Resistance to fuck around with, he settled on me.  Don't know why.  And goddamn, I don't know what he wants.

And also -- WHO'S THE MOLE?

That Asshole/Motherfucker Is Gonna Win Again, Isn't He?

OK, I'm being a pessimist.  But now I think that asshole is gonna win again.

All the early voting and early mail-in voting, which is skewing Democratic?  I think it's shifting all the Democratic votes that would have otherwise voted on Election Day.  The crush of stupid Republicans voting is happened over the weekend, is happening now, and will roll in today.  I'm afraid there is no blue wave.

Haven't heard much about Russian interference, even though The Media is telling me it's still happening.  I think, however, Trump and his evil henchmen have gotten so good at brainwashing -- and has amassed so much money -- that they've taken the disinformation campaign in-house ... which, it has to be unfortunately said, is quite legal.

Voter suppression now seems to be the Republicans' weapon of choice for 2020.  Some Republican judge said that all Minnesota ballots mailed in have to be received by some point today.  The Minnesota Secretary of State thought he had a deal whereby all ballots postmarked by today would be counted so long as they were received by a week from now.  The judge just changed the rules and fucked over democracy.  So there could be a lot of Democratic votes that this judge, with the help of the slowdown by the United States Postal Service and the latticework of the Republican seeding the judicial branch with lizard brain people (up to and including the Supreme Court), will get thrown out.  Oh, and the Department Of Justice is sending out election monitors to the state.  Like Minnesota's a fledgling democracy.  Take that bullshit somewhere else.  Besides, it's illegal for monitors to come unless they're permitted to.

And finally we'll have to deal with The True Enemies Among Us, Our Fellow Americans who have free will and a vote, and will decide (like they decided four years ago) that they are fully content with forever giving up their right to vote in the future -- or at least giving up all the freedoms they and their fellow Americans enjoy in a democracy.  There is a strange, scary cult that has been built up around Trump (and, by the way, includes Republicans too; if they're willing to ride his lizard brain to entrenched minority power, they are one and the same), and they are willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect him.  It's scary enough that he has so many bullies willing to suck his dick; what I need to know now are 1) are there more people who are willing to be his sheep, as I hear there are, and 2) are there enough people who are going to stand up and resist him, and them, and All This?

Russian interference, voter suppression, election monitors/voter intimidation, stupid people, activist Republican judges, the Electoral College, Republicans claiming or holding onto power in the Senate and state governments -- Republicans, and the rich oligarchs who supply them, have set up a terrifying scaffolding that undergirds and upholds the current state of American apartheid.  There are so many sources of power -- horcruxes, if you will -- that need to be torn down that it's absolutely terrifying to see this whole thing is currently working against the correct-minded of us.  Today is our one shot.  I don't know how good that shot is, though, considering how much power Republicans have already entrenched.  People have the power, sure.  But so many things have to go right in order for The Resistance to succeed and start Making America Truly Great Again.

But if Trump and the Republicans win ... it's game over, man, for America and democracy.

That motherfucker's gonna win again, isn't he?