The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: 0).  Since getting cucked 6-0 in Vancouver on The Ides Of March, they've been riding a six-Match unbeaten streak.  Better yet, they won both of their Games this Week, shutting out Portland at Allianz Field Saturday by a 2-0 scoreline (even though the Loons had the run of play and could have scored at least two more Goals), then going to down to Dallas last/Wednesday night and pulling out a 1-0 victory when Owen Gene (look how his Game has grown!) found Anthony Markanich, who rebounded his own miss at the 32nd Minute.

They're currently tied for third in Points in MLS' Western Conference.  And they will host the club with which they're tied -- star-studded LAFC in a Match Saturday that was moved up from the nighttime to the afternoon so this could get on network TV.  Then on Tuesday, they play in the Eighth-final of the U. S. Open Cup at San Jose, which currently leads the West in MLS and just scored four Goals in about 11 Minutes late in the Second Half last/Wednesday night to obliterate Austin in Cali, 5-1.

Oh, by the way, I feel like this team is doing quite well right now.  But this past Week was a down Week for local sports, and frankly, since the Timberwolves were stopped in The Western Conference Finals the past two Years, I don't feel as though they deserve a 0.  (A 2-0 lead when you win both Games on the road?  I would think about giving a 0 in that case a lot.)  Then, I rely on my principle of no digit gaps in the WMNSS.  In other words, I don't want to put MNUFC in Positive Numbers and then put the Wolves at -1.  There has to be a 0, and I decided it was going to be United FC backing down.

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  It's only two Games, but damn, what a turnaround after a humbling Game 1 Loss at The Denver Nuggets.  Tim Connelly built Denver, so he knows how to defeat Denver, and even though they won only one Game so far this series (let alone only once in the regular season), the T-Wolves have traditionally had the Nuggets' number.  Now, to hold serve for Games 3 and 4.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The fucking worm turned.  They were leading their Division this time last screening Week, but a 1-4 record this past Week, low-lighted by a sweep at home by Cincinnati and then enabling The New York Mets to win and break a 12-Game losing streak last/Wednesday, has dropped them back to earth at terminal velocity.  It's still early in their season, which is why I ranked the Twinks over the teams below them in a very bad Week for local sports teams.  But let's see if they can turn things around visiting Tampa this weekend, then hosting Seattle for three starting Monday.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Should we be glad somewhat that their sweep at #1 UCLA could have been worse?  We shouldn't be counting moral victories, but yeah.  They lost by scores of 4-2, 6-4, and 5-2 -- all not heinous embarrassments.  Take it as a life lesson.  And they quadrupled up North Dakota St. Tuesday at Siebert, 12-3.  They finish a five-Game homestand by hosting Northwestern over the weekend, then St. Thomas Tuesday.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4).  I don't think they'll beat The Bastard North Stars because I think God hates me.  Still, I want them to beat the ever-loving shit out of The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0.  And things were good to start off the series, with Minnesota absolutely emasculating Dallas in Dallas, 6-1.  They lost Game 2, but at least they got home-ice advantage ...

... which they lost just now.  Game 3 was at the Gica last/Wednesday night, and since it went to double Overtime and the Game itself started at 8:30, it ended around 1 in the morning and it ended with those motherfuckers winning back home-ice.  So glad I wasn't there.  But we're facing yet another Mild elimination in the First Round, and yet again at the hands of The Team That Was Stolen From Us.  Don't go out like bitches.  Don't go out like that!

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  The hits ... well, they keep on coming in the sense that the Goofer softballers continue to get battered around this season.  They didn't hit that much over the weekend, when Nebraska (ranked either sixth or fourth depending on which poll you go to) swept them.  Yes, the U. baseballers also got swept, but 1) the softballers were hosting and 2) they got mercy-ruled twice, following Friday's 4-0 Shutout with a 17-2 ass-kicking (which, of course, ended after only five Innings) Saturday and an 11-2 humiliation Sunday afternoon that ended after six.  They "rebounded" Tuesday and tripled up North Dakota at Cowles, 6-2.  But the sweep is the true mark of how this squad, and this program, is going -- namely two-thirds bad, with a Big Ten record of 6-12 and an overall record of 15-30.

For the first time I can remember, Minnesota ain't playing Wisconsin only twice in the form of a Doubleheader played mid-Week.  They host the Badgers this weekend, the final three Games of a seven-Game homestand.

"Preparing" For The Biggest Goddamn Snowstorm I've Ever Seen

So this is the literal calm before the storm.  What began brewing Sunday turned, around Thursday, into something big, real big.  And unfortunately for me, the track began curving upward.  Unless I've interpreted things wrong, this blizzard is going to be a direct hit right on top of us.  Two motherfuckin' feet are possible.  What we probably should call The Ides Of March Blizzard might top The Halloween Blizzard of 1991, and that fuckin' storm is affixed in lore.  And even if it's not, it looks like we're clearing a foot here easily, and I don't remember the last time a blizzard that huge has ever registered with me (and that includes The Halloween Blizzard of 1991; I was just a kid who had no cares then).

So ... what to do?  I am bemused by everyone rushing out to do grocery shopping before it hits, which should come in around dinnertime and might not relent for 24 hours thereafter.  Come on, guys, this isn't the Siege Of Leningrad here.  It's going to be bad, and it might be historically bad, but it's only one day ... well, maybe a day and a half, tops.  You should have enough food now to get you through, and if you don't, frankly, you live in a bad situation beyond this blizzard.

With all that said -- well, I looked outside and, like I said, it's calm.  It's just a late-winter day out there -- overcast, too cold for my liking, but otherwise a day that you can travel without incident.  A part of me wants to hunker down and let the snowstorm do what it wants, but that does not sit well with the other part of me.  I will go out, and I probably will twice. I need to dump this trash, get some cash for my stripper girlfriends, and then probably grab lunch.  Later, I might check in and see this band, then probably get dinner to go before the storm kicks in.  It's not going to be horrible until overnight, but I want to be hunkered down before I even touch a flake.  And see, even I am beginning to feel like I want to "prepare" before the storm hits, even if it's just having an empty trash can to begin this storm.

I'm scared.  I'll admit that.  I just went into my backyard to make sure there's no hole in the roof or something.  I just feel that something bad will happen alongside this blizzard because it feels like my lot in life.  Maybe the worst plausible thing I can think of is that the snowblower won't work.  If it doesn't, I might not be working Monday.

I'm starting to understand why people panic-shop at the grocery store now.

I should go now.  Well, I'll juice this lemon, then go.  I think I'll need a cocktail after looking out from my window tonight.

Goddamn, they murdered another one.  They don't care.  He was no threat, but they say he was a threat, and because we have some stupid, stupid people living in this country, they're going to get away with it.

I'm even more scared now.  Truth doesn't matter anymore.  It's not that people aren't hearing past the lies.  There is a significant population in America, in my humble opinion, that don't care about facts.  They will believe any bullshit that comes out of any motherfucker from this installed administration because they want to hear what they are hearing.

I have to ask again: How is non-violence going to get us out of this?

Hadn't gotten eight hours of sleep in some time.  But I did that this morning.

Hadn't stayed up till almost 6 in the morning in a long time.  But I did that today.

Don't think I've woken up past 2 in the afternoon in decades.  But I did that this afternoon.

There are some great things to living alone.  This is certainly one of them.

Now I have to worry about the snow that fell.  More fell than I thought it would.

Living Like This

I just heard that there is an application that can pinpoint where people of color live in a given neighborhood.  All the information we have given through the Internet and our cellphones has finally been weaponized against us under this installed government.  Finally comes the surveillance state.  Meanwhile, the "small government" militias should be taking up arms now, but they're awfully quiet.  Turns out some of us knew all along: They're only small government when the people they don't like are in charge.  When people they do like are in charge, they're totally cool with that.  Shit, they might just take arms and become the hatchet men of the government.  Fucking posers.

---

I gave myself a nightmare whereby I have just shut the door on my way to my car in the morning and two of these pricks, standing against my house, jump me and try to hustle me into their SUV.  But I resist, punching and kicking and biting all the way.  Finally, I reach for some guy's gun and blast the two fuckers who were holding me down ... only to get shot by reinforcements standing a few feet away.

That might be how I go.

---

They got really close today.  These monsters were hanging out at the hospital, trying to get in.  Luckily, if I heard correctly, they weren't allowed in.  But they keep coming at us like this.

And now I hear they're vulturing around the elementary school.  What they're doing is kidnapping.  It's not lawful no matter what anyone says, it's kidnapping.  And kidnapping kids?  I don't care who they are, and I don't care what happens to them if, Lord willing, we the people finally stop them.  Disgusting.

---

I was invited to a party this weekend.  Want to, mostly because one of my ATFs is going, but I won't attend.  For one thing, it's at an area that feels as though it'll be visited.  For another, there's football, and I want to watch both Games.  But I have to tell you, the stripper organizing the house party has turned into a fucking MAGAt.  I had no idea she was so racist, but ever since he was installed a second time last year, she hasn't been shy about sharing memes on her Facebook that make my stomach turn.  And I'm very surprised it's coming from her because she's mixed.  Who does she think she is, White?

I have dropped on occasional comment on her Facebook implying what she's posting is wrong and/or Republican, but she hasn't said anything back to me on that front.  But when I told her I couldn't go to her party, she gave me a sad emoticon.  Does she understand how racist she is, and I'm not really digging that shit?  But why am I being so strident?  If this fascism dies down, I'll probably go to one of her parties again.

---

It seems as though there wasn't a whole lot of activity yesterday/Thursday, attempted invasion of the hospital aside.  I could be imagining things.  Maybe this is a lull before another surge.  Or, they might be hesitating because it turned cold yesterday/Thursday.  It'll get even colder today/Friday, and it'll be that way for the next week or so.  By God, if this gives these assholes a second thought, we just might get out of this.

End Of 2025 Thoughts

My now ex-boss ... yeah, he was a guy.  Not only did he announce he was leaving through e-mail the minimum two weeks before he actually leaving, today, his last day, he didn't stay the whole day.  And he just e-mailed everybody peace before he left for his car five minutes later.  We all made a goodbye and thanks card for him, but my co-worker had to run it out to him as he was about to leave.  I think I said this before: I would rather have him than a micro-manager.  But geez, this is the guy who hired me for my first full-time job.  He helped me turn into a responsible adult.  I would have liked to express my gratitude in a less shallow way.

---

My co-worker to whom I leaned up for much of my job left at the end of 2024, so in that sense, 2025 has gone full circle.  It has been a challenge to see my job, and thus me, change, mostly because people above me were leaving.  (I forgot that my supervisor left in the late summer; I still haven't recovered from that.)  We'll get by, only because we have to.  But I have no idea what this change will bring, and I don't like change as a principle.

I think the main thing that happened in my life, though, is Mother's knee surgery.  I am able to live much of my life independently, and for the most part I love living alone.  I haven't been able to do that for the past seven or eight months because of what Mother has to go through.  I always adapt, and I am glad that she got her knee fixed (even though she complains that it is not as good as she wants it to be), but some days it hasn't been fun having them around here ... and yet, I want to cherish the times I have with my folks when they're good, like when Father helped me clear the driveway of snow, or every night I get to eat a great dinner my parents made.

My neighbor's death a few weeks ago still weighs on me.  She is the person in my life I have lost this year, so in that sense, I have been quite lucky.  That's why I want to enjoy my time with my parents when they should be halfway around the world.  One year I will look back on the year with great, intense sadness.  I know it'll happen, and I don't want it to.

---

I'm driving down to my friends' place after I get finished with this blog post.  Hope I survive the drive down and back.  It's a tradition I intend on continuing for as long as possible, as a signpost that, despite all the setbacks and wrongs and pain I might have incurred through the year, I made it.

Happy New Year, everyone.  Let's make it a good one.

And The Hits Just Keep On Comin'

Lovely service yesterday.  Just about teared up when I saw my family friend's friend walk down the aisle after the memorial was over with a tissue in her hand.

More people you love die as you get older.  I don't think I'll get numb to it.  Quite the opposite -- it'll hurt more and more.

And after I got back from the post-memorial dinner (ate a whole lot), I saw on Facebook that the father of a high school friend was killed in a car accident.  No!  I didn't know the father, and I haven't seen this friend since high school.  But the service is close by me.  In fact, it's where we had the service for one of my uncles.  It's in the evening, and I already broke out my suit for this service.  I think it's the right thing to do to go to this service too, just to support my old friend.  But I'm telling you, this is getting harder and harder to deal with.

Goodbye, Car

Over the weekend, Father and I finally untarped my old car.  It looks as good/bad as it did when we stored it, which was, at least according to the tabs, before the winter of 2021-2.  But three of the four tires are severely deflated and the front passenger side is completely deflated.  Plus, the moonroof is cracked and enough, uh, stuff penetrated the cracks that there is mold or mildew in it.  It may run, for all I know, but the tires probably need to be changed and the moonroof is a disaster, so I don't think it's wise for us to put money into spiffing it up.  Yeah, it's time to say goodbye to the car.

---

I remember seeing it for the first time.  It was evening, I was hanging out or sleeping in or doing homework or just moping about my senior year in high school when my parents told me to come out.  I, at the top of the stairs, saw Mother, at the bottom of the stairs, jangle a key in front of her.  It was the car, and they got it for me.  And I remember being visibly frustrated.  I was a couple years removed from finally getting my driver's license on the third try, and the second time I got rejected by this truly deplorable bitch of a driving tester traumatized me.  This new car would be an upgrade over the car I had been using around that time, a Jeep that first had vapor lock issues and then overheated.  I should have been overjoyed that I actually got a fucking car that fucking worked, but I think my thinking at the time was that I was over driving as a concept.  It was so much work to worry about a car, and I realized there was pain even when owning a car that did work -- gasoline, maintenance, worries about repairs, let alone insurance.  I had taken a bus to school all my life, and if I wanted to do something fun, I could either walk there or hop a ride on one of my friends' cars.  No, driving a new car was too much adulting for me, and I gave the impression that they shouldn't have bought one for me.

Well, I did need to drive a car, if only for getting to the U. for classes.  And then the damndest thing happened: Instead of junking the Jeep and letting me drive the new car, they stored the new car and made me drive the Jeep several more years.  In fact, if I recall correctly, I want to say it took about nine or ten years before Father finally relented and let me drive the car as my main car.  Up until his decision to stash it, I had one summer to drive it all over the place.  And I remember driving it a lot very, very early in my journey with it, albeit inadvertently.  I was going to go to my friend's graduation party at his mom's house.  He drew up a map on how to get there from our high school, but it was wrong and I got lost.  And it took me at least an hour and stopping into one or maybe even two gas stations (remember that we didn't have the Internet, let along a map app, at the time) to finally fucking get to the party.  I expressly remember reading the part of the owner's manual where it said to drive the car gently for the first 1,000 miles.  I swear I drove about 100 of it just trying to find this goddamn party.

So after I was finally able to drive it, I, well, drove it.  Everywhere.  It was a stylish low-luxury car.  It was great.  I hate not remembering all the good times I drove it because when the car drives well, it drives unremarkably.  No, I remember when it started breaking down.  My first repair was for a ball bearing in the passenger-side rear tire; the car was making a noise that wasn't going away.  The transmission died on me as I drove to my overnight temp job in downtown Minneapolis; Father had to step in and found someone in the neighborhood to finally, after maybe a month out of service, fix the transmission for almost two grand, oy.  In the winter, when I drove it to the dealership for maintenance, I took the off-ramp curve way too quickly.  There was slight damage to the car, but the moonroof cracked to where it is today.

All in all, the make, model and year of the car is a good one, I think, and I believe I got what I could out of it, maybe even moreso.  But, maybe because it was stored too long or because of those 100 miles getting to the fucking grad party or maybe just general wear-and-tear, the problems started to pile up -- the oil level light wouldn't turn off; had to re-do the wiring a couple times, 18 months apart; it started leaking oil bad; the passenger-side rear power window broke, and I had to tape it closed until I could get it fixed; the sway bar on the passenger side broke so I heard a loud "clang" every time I steered.  One time I drove over a railroad track and the goddamn hood flipped open.  The fuckin' thing rolled up like a tuna can.  (Come to think of it, I think the hood is totally fixed.  Didn't see any misalignment at all as I checked it out over the weekend.)

Finally, when I was driving to my test scoring job (I may have blogged posted about this a long time ago), the car started to overheat.  I had to leave for the day to go to this shop I trusted out in Carver County (close by where a stripper who gave me a HJ lived), who said it would be fine.  These were the days where I had a second test scoring job at night; the fucking car overheated on my way home from that job.  I spent two hours turning my car on and off to see if the thermostat would be low enough for me to limp it home before AAA finally got around to me and towed it to the mechanic close to me.

The culprit: The gasket blew.  I thought that when it comes to major engine repairs like that, that's when it was no longer worth it to fix the car.  The mechanic said exactly that when he told me in his voicemail what the problem was.  But Father got it home and, weeks later (I don't remember what car I was using in the meantime), he got it fixed.  And really, the car was driving fine.  You had to be careful and the radio was doing this thing where it get really loud and then really quiet and then really loud.  Didn't help that the radio button was busted.  You couldn't even push it to turn it off or on, it just did that itself.  But, it was drivable.  And then Father made the decision, at least several years after he got the gasket fixed and probably near the tail end of the pandemic where people could finally go out and travel again, to stash the old car, put the tarp and the cinder blocks on it, and, well, forget it.  And forget it we did.

---

I got into the car for the first time in years Saturday, but it was to clean it out.  I stepped back in it yesterday/Sunday to reminisce, to remember, and to say goodbye.  I can't remember them, but there were so many good times driving that car, and it was, for a long time, a trusted, capable, and even stylish soldier.  I made an effort to open and sit in the four big seats of the sedan, if only for a minute.  I looked at the owner's manual one more time, then realized that, after all these years, there are two features on the car that I did not use at all: The driver's seat lumbar support bar and the bag chute that comes out from the toddler seat in the middle of the backseat and has the shape of a long piece of wood.  It is used to store long objects without messing up the interior of the car.  Well, we never had to carry big long things in the sedan.  And even though I have a bad back now, I didn't back then, so I didn't have the need to shape my back to its proper driving posture.  Still, I cranked the bar a few times, just to feel it in my back.  Can't believe it's the first time I ever used it, ironically the last week (or so) it'll be in the family's possession.

Yes, it's a car.  But it's my car.  And I used it for a formative period in my life.  Moreover, I saw it "born," and now I'm going to see it "die" as it gets towed and probably stripped for parts.  It's a hell of a thing to witness the entire life cycle of something, even something inanimate like a car.

This is the logical thing to do.  Yet, I know I should be sad about this.  But I'm not crying.

I'm still trying to figure out how best to donate the car.  That might give me a good reason to procrastinate.  But hell, it's best to let go of the car.  And yet ... I can't.

Goodbye, car.

So I spent most of Saturday afternoon enjoying life -- having lunch downtown with someone I've been meaning to have lunch with since this summer, then going to see a music festival at a bar, wherein my friend, who I just had lunch with, decided to also come to the music fest, and brought her friend in tow.

It was hot.  Like, ridiculously hot.  Wasn't pleasant to listen to music outside, so even though they just got there, they were ready to leave when I said I planned to leave, too.

I say all of this to bury my main point of this blog post, which is to say that I saw a lot of hot women showing off their skin because it was hot on this day.  My body is breaking down, but I am glad my libido still works!

Lazy Saturday

I have nothing I need to do today.  Therefore, I will stay home and not spend any money.  Now, there are things I should do.  For example, go through my stuff.  But I did a lot already -- eat the rest of the hotdish I made (by the way, my verdict: I don't think I should add rice anymore and should substitute a vegetable instead, even if preparing it will elongate the prep time), kill off the Moet I bought and watered Father's plants.  Now, I'm watching sports (thank goodness for weekend sports all day) and probably going to take a nap because I'm feeling the champagne.  I'll go through my stuff later, and maybe do some laundry, too.

I think I am entitled to a nothing day like this, because I am human.

My Final Blog Post Of 2024 Is Another Reminder Of Why My Fucking Mother Has Ruined My Life

I was going to neatly tie up 2024 into a bow (well, as well as I can), but My Fucking Mother fucking had to send this shit off the rails with her goddamn anxieties again.

She bugs the fuck out of me while they're here, but it appears as though she bothers me even more when she's in Vegas.  I think that's due to expectations: Since they are so far away from me, I presume that we would talk less.  And I think we do; for example, even though I thought we would talk Christmas Day, we didn't, probably because we talked Christmas Eve.  And that's A-OK with me.

But when she texts me saying she needs help ... goddamn, the thing she needs help with is such a huge energy drain.  It literally takes hours to deal with her issue.  And it's an issue only she believes is an issue.  But I have to help her because that bitch acts so fucking helpless.

She texted me at work yesterday/Monday afternoon: "Need help!"  I get home and call her.  She tells me these real estate forms need to be filled out.  The government wants them, and she's scared as hell that, like, the FBI will arrest her if we don't do it before the end of the year ... even though the stuff she said told her that actually said she had a couple more weeks.  These forms are in English, of course, so she immediately ran to me, only to switch up her tone and just fuckin' saddle me with all this bullshit I need to deal with with an urgency only she has.  So fucking typical of her and her goddamn "issues."

These forms the government wants filled out I didn't even know existed until today.  And I had to waste two motherfucking hours with My Fucking Mother to do them online.  Worse than that, I screwed up one of the forms, and I'm not sure the website on which I did these forms took up the corrected information.  So I think I have to follow up today, some time after work, to see if some AI chatbot can let me know if the "government" has the correct information.  And who knows how long I'll have to fucking waste on that.  It's New Year's Eve, for fuck's sake.  I'm supposed to mark the death of the old year and say hello to the new one.  I don't want to spend it dealing with goddamn forms.

---

This year was bad because I lost my uncle.  I feel bad because I hadn't contacted him much before he died.  I think the last communication I had with him was wishing him a (Western) New Year via text.  He was gone within two months.  He didn't want anyone to talk to him in his decrepit state.  I don't care; I wanted to at least say goodbye to him and tell him I love him.  And I'll be honest (if I haven't stated this here in WAF already): I'm mad at him for not talking to me before he went.

Come to think of it, 2024 brought more signs my body is breaking down.  I saw someone for my knees after work yesterday/Monday.  She said it's probably arthritis, which everyone my age is going through.  Use exercises to get manage it.  I think I heard that before when my physical therapist told me to exercise my back.  I was given a referral for physical therapy for my knees, and there's a chance it's the same person who I met with five years ago.  I don't think the guy likes me, though, so I don't think I'll take up the referral.

Gaining weight, too.  I know I should eat better, but I'm still holding onto the delusion that I can eat what I want and not get too fat.  That's not happening, but I'm not changing my diet.  Oh, and I'm still dealing with trying to do my desk job with bifocals on.  Had a lot of trouble seeing with my eyeglasses in 2024.  My eyes got so strained looking at my computer screen that it began to hurt.  I even take them off and see my screen through blurry eyes.  It beats getting a headache.

Everything else, I guess, is the same, including dealing with My Fucking Mother.  Every fake emergency she makes me deal with reminds me that I got my anxious state of mind from her.  She has grafted every part of her insecurities onto me, and I cannot and will not forgive her for that.

Happy New Year!!!

Plants Stink

So I got home last night from the Timberwolves Loss -- T-Wolves suck right now, BTW -- and immediately the stench from Father's blooming plant or plants hit me.  It started the previous day, but it came out in full force when I got inside the house.  Whoa!  It was so pungent I started coughing.  I had to retreat into my room, which is as far away from the plants as you can get.  But if I ever had to step out onto the hallway -- and I had to several times because I suddenly got cottonmouth and was drinking everything in the kitchen that a human could -- dang, I could smell it.

Father is proud of his plants.  And this plant that blooms, uh, maybe once a year or less is a sign of its health.  Glad to see that vacation I took to Hawai'i for two weeks two years ago didn't kill it.  But ... golly, it smells.  I think it subsides after a week.  It'll be fantastic for Father to smell as he leaves for Las Vegas, but hopefully, that stink will die down shortly after I have the house all to myself.

I Don't Know If One Should Talk About Death While Watching Football

So at these Game-watching events I organize there is a guy who's been a part of us for the last couple years.  He's a really cool dude, and I love his passion for his alma mater (frankly, it's outshone a lot of ours this trying Year).

Last Saturday, while we were watching our Game, he kind of dropped a bomb on me.  He called me over to where he was sitting and, while the Game was going on, told me his father died.  It was overnight from another Game we watched together a few weeks prior.  That Game kicked off so late, and the place was so crowded, that we decided to call it quits at Halftime.  He lives with his parents, but his folks sleep in separate bedrooms because his dad snores heavily.  Well, in the morning my friend was going out the door.  His mother was up and noted to him that she couldn't hear his father snoring, but he wasn't out of the house, either.  So my friend checked up on his dad and, well. ...

That is completely sad, no doubt.  From that point on during the Game, I was worried for my friend, as well as his mom.  My parents are getting up there in age, and I have had more than one night where I was afraid that one of them would go to bed one night and not wake up.  And it is because of my inordinate fear of that happening, which only ratchets up every night they make it alive, where I have to admit that I was completely damn flummoxed as to why in the world he would tell me this then.

He wound up his story on a ... well, let's just say an upbeat note: The evening before he went out to see the Game with me, he was talking to his father about it, so that is the last memory he will ever have about his dad, and it's about the college team he loves so much.  It's great he can see it in that positive light, but I can't.  If I were in his shoes, I wouldn't ... well, frankly, I wouldn't even bring it up.  Which raises the weird prospect of not telling anyone about a death in your family.  I may have told two people outside the family about my uncle's death in March.  On the one hand, I do find it kind of weird to not tell people.  After all, we all have family who die.  On the other hand, is there ever a good time to announce such an important event?  I could see it when you're not where you're supposed to be, like at work or even a party.  But short of that, there doesn't seem to be much need to call attention to it, and that would include watching a football Game together.  And once the death happens, well, life happens, so when would there be a good time to bring it up?

I am now bringing this back to me when it shouldn't be.  It's about my friend, who, frankly, appears to be taking it well, even though, if I were in his shoes, I would be devastated since this death was so sudden.  He'll be back this Saturday, and I will ask him about his mom and him.  Again, it's an important but grim subject, so I'll try and console him as much as I can during a football Game.

Mother Comes Home Just In Time For A Goddamn Snowstorm

I was white-knuckling it on my way down to the airport and back.  It may have been the weather conditions, but being on tires on their last legs (so to speak) did not help my confidence.  I made it, even though it felt a few times like I was going to slip off the highway.  Still pissed that this guy my parents know fucking cancelled on me when I made an appointment with him to change my tires.  Then again, maybe I don't want my new tires to go through a snowstorm just as it starts its run ferrying my vehicle.  Maybe this can wait until after the winter.

Oh, and winter is back.  Maybe several inches by morning.  Then a whopper, probably the worst (and actually first) big blizzard of the winter -- which, ironically enough, is falling after The First Day Of Spring.  At least half a foot.  I'm glad I don't have to be anywhere on Sunday, when it's supposed to be falling and falling fast.

Mother got home just in time for this.  My parents are avoiding Minnesota now because they hate the cold and because they can.  And, ironically enough, after going through The Winter That Wasn't, both of them have come back just as we finally have winter.

I want to say that it's bugging me that I'm not alone anymore, but frankly, it's not bad right now.  I felt sad that Father may have been lonely, but now that he has someone, namely Mother, they're not lonely anymore.  And while I may regret saying this, seeing some life and noise inside this house is a welcome change.

Mother screamed at me through my bedroom door.  I thought she wanted me to do something for her.  Instead, she gave me a few Hard Rock shirts they bought during their trips to Asia.  Aw.  Mother will ask me for something annoying tonight/Friday night.

I'm Happy For Her! I Really Am!

Sometimes it's weird to see the strippers in my life lead lives beyond being strippers, you know?  I have to remember that these are women who are not one-dimensional.  I may get hard over that one dimension, but I don't own them.  They have ambitions, dreams, family and friends that have nothing to do with me.  I love that, actually.  I love women that have well-rounded lives, and the fact that I am Facebook friends with many of them makes me feel honored; they trust me to be a part of their lives, arm's-length that it may be, that they might be hiding from their loved ones.  I may fantasize about having sex with all of them, but right now I hold a level of friendship (and, dare I say, love) with them that I will never take lightly.

Nevertheless, it is jarring to see one of my stripper girlfriends fall head over heels in love -- not sex worker love, but actual love.  That is what happened with *****a, someone who has come over and given me handjobs over the years.  I had no idea she was even looking for a boyfriend until I saw Reel after Reel (is that what they're called on Facebook?) of her holding and kissing this guy.  I've only seen this for about a few weeks, but it looks like she is in luuuuuuuuuuuuv.

I'm happy for her.  Really, I am!  I'm not jealous of him at all.  Again, I don't own her.  And she doesn't owe me her loyalty; shit, guys, I get handjobs from all sorts of stripper girlfriends, and I don't plan on giving that up for a long, long time!  I really hope this works out, in fact.  For all the love she's given me, I really do want what makes her happy.  And right now (fingers crossed), it looks like it's this dude.

And yet I miss her.  We have had our difficulties arranging our schedules so that she can make her vicious, hand-lovin' housecalls.  Couple months ago, in fact, we agreed she'd come over, but, well, "something came up."  I wonder if any chance of getting an HJ from her has gone by the wayside because of this cancellation.  It would be weird, after all, if we fucked around even after she's gotten into a committed relationship.

---

So My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division) is now over four years dead.  (By the way, it closed down near the very end of 2019 -- right before the pandemic.  If it didn't close on its own, there was a good chance it would've gone out of business because of lockdown.  Fantastic timing.)  I would not have the breadth of stripper girlfriends I have if not for a place like this.  With no cover, relatively cheap drinks and the ability to just sit and hang without the pressure of getting dances, I was able to go there dozens, if not hundreds, of times without completely driving myself into bankruptcy.  I was also able to cultivate relationships with the strippers, many of whom trusted me enough to take that next step and actually do sexual things in private stripper parties that I only imagined happened at strip clubs.  The decision to have that as a hobby probably comes at great cost if I ever attempt to attain a higher public profile.  But since I don't pursue that (for now), this is our little secret, and one that I cherish.

That being said, my circle of stripper girlfriends is now static.  There is no club and so there are no fresh strippers to get to know.  I have who I have.  And while I am deeply grateful being a part of their lives, *****a is an example of what could happen when we grow apart.  It's inevitable, and yet I am saddened and a little scared that these beautiful women whom I have seen naked so often will eventually exit my life.  It's not easy now that there is no "third space" like My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition).  Time makes it more difficult.  And then circumstances, or finding someone, or life, cleaves a wedge that may never be stitched back together.  It happens.  I don't know if I'm ready, though, especially if all my stripper girlfriends go away in the end.

But I'm happy for *****a.  I really am!

Lazy Saturday? Yeah, Time To Take A Walk

I rarely use my day planner to write down a daily tasks list, but I did (for the third time this month, granted) wrote one for yesterday/Saturday.  A lot of stuff I had to do outside -- the bank to look at some stuff for my parents, then the library (two of them; the first one didn't have an old Consumer Reports I wanted to look at).  But then I noticed that it was quite warm for late January -- above freezing, no ice to slip on.  Add that while it was damp, it was comfortable to go outside, and hey, it was an overcast sky, something I totally love.

So, while I still haven't gone through my stuff and I guess I could have done my laundry, I decided, after eating Dairy Queen and before I headed out again to take advantage of a $3 Little Caesars pizza deal (dang, this place is basically handing out pizzas!), that I was going to take a walk in the park.  Moreover, I wasn't going to drive to the local park; I was going to park at home, then walk to the park.  I decided mid-walk that I was going to walk down all the way to the gas station to pick up cranberry juice in case the urge to drink a cosmopolitan hit me.

All told, I walked for about 50 minutes, even though I didn't hit 10,000 steps, unfortunately.  I tried to "breathe better while walking," and that will take some getting used to because I still don't quite understand it.  And I still have trouble living in the moment, hearing my footsteps and seeing how quite and peaceful and beautiful my surroundings are, because I'm thinking about, well, breathing and what I should do once I get home, etc.

But do I regret walking outside when it's above freezing in late January when I could be doing something else?  No.  Absolutely not.

I Want To Improve! I Am Going To Get Better!!

So I have immediately brought my laptop in to get fixed.  I was going to go to a huge place down in St. Louis Park.  But after taking a quick look around Yelp (yeah, I know, but I am desperate), there was a recommended place very close to where I live.  I wasn't able to call the store because it apparently is just a cellphone and the mailbox was full (red flag?), but the good reviews and the proximity to home compelled me to drive over there to see if the place was open.  And it was.  And the guy (I'm guessing he's the owner) was there, and I dropped off the lap, and I was gone in about five minutes.  I am holding out the possibility that, if the problem is basic enough, I can get my laptop back before he closes his store today.  If so, I will develop a sense of self-pride for being proactive.  Yeah, I am thirsty for the use of my laptop.  But instead of sulking or doing nothing, I am doing something -- which, granted, will involve money and may involve hundreds of dollars if the problem is serious enough.

However, unlike with getting the car back, after which and from this point through now I am casting side-eye at my car because I'm scared as hell it'll throw up those damn indicator lights again, when I left my laptop with this guy, I felt optimism.  I think my lap will be fixed, and it will be as good as new.  I have no evidence to think I'm right to feel this way.  Maybe it's because there's no way I can drop as much money on this laptop fix as I did on the car fix (unless the worst-case scenario occurs and the laptop is gone for good ... which is why I should start looking for good laptops to replace this one even if I do get this one back).  But I feel good for some reason.  I trust this guy, whom I just met last night, to figure out why in the hell my lap won't function like it did up to last night.  And I feel like I have taken a positive step toward doing something good for myself.  Yes, it's just a laptop.

---

Meanwhile I am using Father's very old computer again to blog post this.  I wanted to do it on his new desktop, but I still can't get the goddamn keyboard and mouse to work.  I figured out how to get the on-screen keyboard on-screen, but there's no way I am going to type out everything I'm typing out here on a monitor.  So I'll risk getting my privacy breached just so I can type on a keyboard like I'm doing now.

Yeah, I need a laptop to use very, very soon.  But I think my life will get better!!!

Thoughts On 2023

Things weren't bad, if I am being honest with myself.  Lost Grandmother's best friend back in May or June -- I should look for an obit again -- and that represents the final closing of any connection with Grandmother on Earth ... well, there is her family, so I am being melodramatic.  But everyone else I know and love are still alive.  I risk that streak in 2024, but I don't want to think about that right now.

Work is good.  I think my boss's discouragement of me having overtime may grow to be a problem, but it hasn't been more than an occasional pain-in-the-ass.  As another person gets trained in, I will be working in The Fourth Department fewer and fewer days.  I will see how I feel when that finally happens.

Family is good.  Parents and I didn't fight as much while they were here.  I still get annoyed and sometimes get into arguments with Mother, like last/Saturday night, over being diligent over bills and stuff.  But hey, as long as they're on the other side of the world, they can't touch me.  And really, as long as they're over there, I like them more.  Because they can't hurt me while they're in the house.

I continue to try and maintain relationships with my stripper girlfriends.  I don't go out to strip clubs anymore, and I realize now that the ones I have made friendships, and friend-with-benefits-ships, with, are basically the ones I've got.  Going out to new strip clubs is an expensive venture, and maybe I'm happy with who I have.  Or, maybe I will get restless and see if I want to see other women.

I love the stability 2023 gave me.  But I wonder if I am, or am going to get, restless, and not just with seeing other women.  Eating and getting fat remain an issue with me, for example.  I feel very obligated to eat everything my parents made for me in the freezer -- I still have, I think, more than half of it left -- and to drink all the alcohol I have bought.  That's a lot of pounds I'm packing.  And after tomorrow/Monday/New Year's Eve, I don't have the excuse anymore of indulging for the holidays.  I should be watching my weight regardless, but I really, really should start taking care of my body starting in 2024, specifically slimming my waistline and lowering my cholesterol and high blood pressure.  (I honestly think that I now weigh more than most of the people I know.  I was a rail all through college.  Swear I was 125 pounds when I graduated with my bachelor's.  Humbling and sad.)  You know, I should work on my temper, too.  I fall into a violent dream and my heart starts racing to the point my chest hurts.  Maybe I should do things to stop that.

That requires change, and I hate change.  But there are some things that I can do and be better at, and I wonder when, or if, I will get sick of the same old same old.  Should I go back to school and upgrade my skills so I can get a better-paying job?  Should I make a more concerted effort to find someone to spend the rest of my life with?  The more things stay the same, the more I fear things get staid.  And the world won't stay the same for me.  If things change around me, what will happen, and how will I fare?

You know, maybe this time next year I will be doing the same damn thing I've always done.  And maybe I will be fine with it knowing that, deep down in my heart, I am who I am.  But there might always be a chance that I will do something different.  Will I reject that?  Or will I embrace that?

Happy New Year, everyone.

Christmas 2023 Thoughts

So I went down to The Only Place Open Late Christmas Eve for some scotch.  Really nice to resume this tradition I have for myself after a year in Hawai'i and two years of the pandemic.  Hope the bartender wasn't mad I took the cap of the whiskey she recommended out of her hand.  I ... thought that was OK.

---

The car is working just fine.  Still paranoid, though.  Apparently I haven't treated it well, and so the car is no longer optimal.  I just hate feeling as though whenever I drive to a place for pleasure, I am hurting my car, and so my car, or God, will punish me for just trying to live.  But I am driving my car slower and easier -- at least for now.

---

It's not winter.  It's been raining since, I think, yesterday/Sunday.  Doesn't matter to me because I'm not going out today.  Just eating the stuff my parents froze for me, making myself some drinks, washing clothes and going through my parents' financial affairs.  Maybe I could just stay in my bed and do nothing, but I should take time today to do some stuff.  I work tomorrow, and honestly, I'm bummed about it.  I want to be one of those people who have that limbo week between Christmas and New Year's off.  But I'm not, and so I feel like if I need to work tomorrow, I should get back into the swing of things and "work" today.

I feel bummed that, I think more this year than many other years, Christmas seems "over" now, as I type this.  This is solidly in the afternoon, and there's nowhere I have to be, and I am enjoying myself (even though preparing for tomorrow isn't fun at all).  But once I was preparing for bed last night, all the Christmas music I was enjoying leading up to today (and by the way, I think this Christmas season [and I define that as from Black Friday until Christmas] has been as long as I expected -- not too long, not too short) feels stale.  It never made sense to me to listen to that music on December 26, but it feels weird to me to listen to it now.  Maybe it's because it doesn't look like winter outside.  Or, maybe I'm distracted; I worked the Vikings Game yesterday/Sunday, and there was and is football and basketball to watch and listen to yesterday and today.

Or, maybe I'm sad.  I love anticipating great days because they are coming; you're just waiting for it to get here.  But once it is here, you know it's going to be gone at some point.  That always depresses me.  Something can't go away if it doesn't get here.  It can't die.  And so, as much as I am content right now, Christmas Day is, well, dying in front of my eyes.  And if it is, maybe I just want to get it over with -- you know, save myself arduously enduring its death so I can get on with my life, even if it is getting back to, ick, work.

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Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas, everyone.

This Has Been A Very Good Weather Weekend

It's my kind of weather -- overcast, not hot nor humid.  Daytime highs have been above freezing today and yesterday -- and I think Friday and Thursday, too.  It could be ten or even 20 degrees warmer, and it has been raining so it could be less damp.  But hey, at least it isn't 19 degrees (feeling like only 7 above) with snow on the ground, which it was on this date last year.

What it has felt like this weekend is fall-like, what you typically expect in November, even October.  I took a walk after my first taste test yesterday/Saturday afternoon because I wanted to enjoy the cloudy weather (and totally avoid catching the end of the Vikings Game, which, of course, they lost).  There are new signs along 694 indicating a Mississippi River recreation area that is close by, and I decided to take the county up on its advertising by finally driving down there exploring the trails around there for half an hour.  Don't know why some of the parking lots and trails are closed to driving through, but I managed to get some exercise in while trying to quiet my mind and stay in the moment.  When you look up to the sky and see clouds and no overpowering sun, and you're not bothered by shivering, sweating (well, at least not too much sweating, I was walking), insects or slipping and falling on ice ... man, how can I complain?