Thinking About Death Again

Lately, I don't know how long, I'm back to, just before falling asleep, catching myself before falling asleep and thinking, "What if I don't wake up?"

I've been thinking about death a lot lately.  People around me -- not in my immediate circle, and not even an intermediate circle -- have died, and it's been affecting me a lot.  First of all was the first stripper from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) to give me a handjob (well, squeeze my cock once really quick, and only after I badgered her into doing it).  She died a year ago, and she died unexpectedly and in her sleep.  I had not seen her in years, and our last interaction was her answering a question about her son on a Facebook status months before her death.  But she was younger than me, and, well, young.

This week I was told by a hot Facebook friend that her friend, a Playboy Playmate who went by Nichole Van Croft in the magazine, died.  She also died unexpectedly and in her sleep, at least as far as I know.  She had been through some black days, but all the status updates indicate that she kicked those addictions and was living the good life.  Most touching to me is that she personally replied to a couple of comments I left on a couple of her status update photos.  I hope there is an autopsy so we know exactly what happened.  Nichole died at the age of 44, only two years older than I.  Regardless of how hard her life was, that is too young to die.

So with those blindside deaths before their time, I have been thinking a lot about my parents.  They seem to be in great health, and yet I am deathly scared that one of them also will die in their sleep.  It's been an encroaching menace in my life, and my folks aren't getting any younger.  So I ... wonder, about them but also about me.  I mean, I'm 42.  I could fall asleep and not wake up, right?

In the meantime I should remember to text other family members just to see how they're doing.