Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Saturday, May 9:

• Let's go back to Wednesday, May 6 Thursday, May 7, when, before work, I went to the panaderia close to me and got, um, some pastry that was really good.  Also got a small mocha.  With tip (and rounding down because no more pennies), I paid: $12.
• That evening, after work, I went to the National Sports Center.  Minnesota United was holding a practice open only to season-ticket holders.  I was wondering if James Rodriguez was going to be there.  Didn't see him train, but near the end of the session, I saw him pop out for autographs.  And a horde of people, many of them holding either James Colombia jerseys, the flag of Colombia, or both, swarmed to him.  Really nice ... and apparently, if reports are correct, the last thing he will do in Loons-branded gear.  Anyway, there was a food truck there, KCM Eggroll.  Got a jumbo pork egg roll and a strawberry lemonade.  With tip it came out to: $18.
• Then, after that, I went to Chick-Fil-A to get my free nuggets after the Timberwolves eliminated The Denver Nuggets (get it?).  Got a watermelon hibiscus sunjoy, too.  But I charged all that to my credit card.  I was still hungry, and I hadn't been to Potbelly in a while, and it's right across the way from Chick-Fil-A, so I got a bowl of chili from Potbelly.  I was going to throw in a tip, but something got crossed up because the guy paid me my whole change without the tip.  I was going to round up to give a total of $8, but instead I only paid: $7.45.
• ETA at 1:40 a.m. on May 11 that on Wednesday the 6th I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) to see ******a, who had finally delivered on her promise to rub me down.  Unfortunately there weren't too many girls working the stripclub, so the amount of time she could be doing table dances for me was shortened, so I only got 16 from her.  Add that to cover, tips for ******a and two other strippers and security, and a drink for myself (with tip) and I spent: $186.
• Back on Saturday the 2nd I did my annual sojourn to Wings Financial to add money to my account in an effort to keep it active.  Threw in: $20.  (ETA on June 30 at 1:13 a.m. that I have a receipt for this and therefore I shouldn't have put this in as an EWR).
• That evening, after watching MNUFC win on TV, I celebrated by going to Zantigo.  Now, I know it's not "real" Mexican food, and that notion has been reinforced by all the Mexican and Central and South American mom-and-pop shops in the area.  But in total those restaurants are a force, and now I'm scared that Zantigo will go the way of the nearby Subway and close.  So I went there and got a "double-stacked" (in Taco Bell terms) taco and some ancho fries.  Zantigo also rounds down, so instead of $7.87 I only had to pay: $7.85.  (ETA on June 30 at 1:13 a.m. that I have a receipt for this and therefore I shouldn't have put this in as an EWR).
• We zip back to Sunday, April 26, when ***e* was in town.  Got a quick wank session in with her.  So glad to see her and her hand in person: $120.
• That afternoon I went to this combination antique store/coffeeshop that is right by my house.  If I didn't have to cross a busy street, I would walk there.  Funky place.  The antiques they sell include old Playboys at a dozen bucks apiece.  Didn't buy the mags; instead, I reconciled my monthly expense list there while eating a pesto sandwich with tomato soup as a dip, and I washed that down with an Italian soda.  With tip: $27.95.
• Saturday the 25th ... got a shave from the barbering school close to me.  This dude was much more professional than the previous one.  With tip: $14.
• MNUFC played in the afternoon.  Along the way I saw the local kids selling brownies.  Got one, and this time I did not get a smushed one; see below/earlier.  Cost: $1.
• Later that evening I went to Falling Knife Brewery to attend their Timberwolves outdoor watch party.  Good times, even if it was really crowded.  Saw a bit of the Wild Game before the Wolves started.  That Game was interrupted by Trump's second fake assassination at the start of the White House Correspondents Dinner.  When he came on to do his bullshit press conference, we booed until the brewery changed the channel from ABC to ESPN, where the rest of the Timberwolves' Win over Denver was airing.  Good times all around!  So the Potter's Pasties food truck was parked there, and I got a pastie.  With tip: $16.
• Also there was that woman I see sometimes at the Black Hart.  She sells homemade Mexican food -- tacos, burritos, etc.  Funny seeing her there.  But I like an entrepreneur, so I along with the pastie, I bought one burrito from her at a price of: $5.
• On Friday the 24th I was invited to a party that day (or the day before, can't remember).  I usually don't like doing that, but *****a was hosting it, and I hadn't gotten cranked from her in a long, long time.  Moreover, ****e* was going to be there, and I have seen her at many, many parties, but I have never gotten intimate with her even though I have always wanted to.  I finally arranged to be double-teamed by those two and it was as good as I had hoped.  We three bonded over being water signs, too!  Those two and cover ... wow, that's a lot of money ... came out to: $290.
• And later that evening I went to Bebe Zito for a late night burger and pop (and, well, Caffetto too, but I charged what I got there on my credit card).  With tip, that late dinner at Bebe Zito cost: $8.
• Tuesday, April 21 ... did I talk about the massage I finally got from ******a here on WAF yet?  Maybe I haven't, and maybe I won't.  Anyway, this was the day I finally got a massage from her.  Finally, after ... geez, maybe two decades, I got her to see me naked!  And she was good -- a 90-minute massage cost me: $150.
• On Monday the 20th I went to a stripper party *****y told me the day of.  I have said no to her so often that I felt like I finally needed to tell her yes.  Moreover, ****e was working, and I hadn't seen her in a long time, so I arranged them both to double-team me.  I quivered when I came -- quivered!!!  And man, that costs me a lot of money!  With cover: $320.
• Saturday, April 18: The neighbor kids were selling brownies on my way to the Loons Game.  Got a deformed one this time 'round.  Disappointing, but I figure they knew how to do business, unfortunately.  The brownie cost: $1.
• On Sunday the 12th I got wanked by ******e, who complained about Minnesota again and is planning to leave again.  HJ set me back: $120.
• I bid on this online auction for items from the now-closed institution SexWorld.  I got aced out on several things I wanted, like a few signs and a Shop-Vac.  But I won a hard hat!  It's not branded with SexWorld, rather the construction company that oversaw their renovation.  Yeah, the company just decided to, uh, leave a hard hat there, and it apparently stayed in the back all this time, and the owner made eight-plus bucks off of me so I could very tangentially own a piece of SexWorld.  Anyway, I had to go downtown on this day (and not at the SexWorld site but another place several blocks east) to pay and pick it up.  On my way back, I saw that the Rustica Bakery was open, and I figured I would stop and rest of my feet.  Purchased a chocolate croissant and a small lemonade.  They rounded down.  With tip this light snack was: $10.75.
• Finally, on Saturday, April 11, I went to the library to make copies of my tax forms, both for the state (I needed to make copies of my federal to send to the state) and for myself.  The county next to the one I live in gives everyone who either has their county's library card or has their library card from whatever county they live in linked to their system (like I do) gets five bucks' worth of copies and printouts each month.  (Up until maybe a couple months ago, it was five bucks a week.)  That saves me a lot of money, but I still had to make so many copies that I still needed to shell out money to get all the copies I needed made, even if it was only: $1.

Good through May 9.

I Miss Soccer Goals

So a pretty important Liga MX playoff Semifinal was on last/Sunday night between two of the big clubs in that league, Club America and Cruz Azul.  I came home in time to catch most of the Second Half.  When I tuned in, Cruz Azul was up 1-0.  That's important because, for this league at this stage of their postseason, they have the two squads play a home-and-home.  The most Goals scored in aggregate wins the series.  (When I started watching, that 1-0 scoreline was also the aggregate score; the two XI's finished scoreless in their first Match mid-week.)  If the two teams score the same number of Goals, the team that finished higher in the regular season (who is always the team that hosts the second Game of this two-Leg series) advances.

Hell of a Match, by the way.  Cruz Azul scores again to go up, on the road, 2-0 and 2-0 on aggregate.  But America was awarded a Penalty Kick, which they slotted.  Then, a header to a header went top shelf.  Club America tied it, but they went ahead because they got more Points than sworn rival Cruz Azul during the regular season.  That's how the Match ended, and that is how America advanced to the two-legged Final this Week against Toluca.

Oh, did I mention that I missed that Game-tying/series-winning Goal?  I like soccer, I really do.  If I didn't, I wouldn't be a season-ticketholder for MNUFC.  Hell, yesterday/Sunday afternoon I went to see a Match with the Loons' reserve squad, MNUFC2, for the first time ever.  They lost, but the 2's play about ten minutes north of me, and everything is obviously cheaper because this is minor league soccer, so I should go to a few Games over the summer.  Anyway, I like it.  But sometimes, the sport gets a little, you know, boring.

I should blog post at some point about me being addicted to social media and my phone.  Anyway, during a slow spot in the Match, I naturally picked up my cell and went through my Facebook.  I saw that a Playboy Playmate I am Facebook friends with put up a video of her son graduating from college.  I then wanted to know what last name he took.  He has the same last name as his mother, which is the name she used when she posed, which (and I hope my logic is sound here) she never married the person with whom she has her child, and in fact neither she nor the son have much contact with the son's biological father.  I find that intently interesting, and no, I am under no illusions I will ever meet her.

So while I was thinking about all that, America scored that Match-tying/series-winning Goal.  It is not the first time I was looking at my phone when I missed a Goal, let alone an important one such as that.  But I hate it.  And I keep telling myself I will watch a Match straight through, without distracting myself, and I keep failing.  But dammit, I will not look at my cell for both Legs of the Final (if Thursday's First Leg is not broadcast on Univision, then definitely Sunday night's Second Leg).  If I hate missing soccer Goals, I have to stop doing the things that make me miss soccer Goals, you know?

Oh, Wait, I Can't Watch Porn Now ... And That's OK ... ?

Yeah, I kind of realized this last/Sunday night before I went to bed: Since I don't have my laptop with me because it's getting fixed, I can't watch any porn if I want to.  At first I was bummed out.  I am not going to go on either of My Father's computers to look at it because I'm too scared I'd get caught.  (Granted, that didn't stop me way back when, when I didn't have my own lap and was using his computer to go on the Internet regularly.)  There are my old Playboys I've stashed in my desk, and there's the Hooters calendar hanging up on my wall right now, but physical media is so nineties.

So, what to do?  How about nothing?  Once I had my realization, I shrugged.  I don't feel the need to jerk off much these days now that I'm old and frail.  I certainly don't feel it now, as I'm typing.  So frankly, I'm not missing it.  I think I can go a week without porn.  Now, if the urge hits me out of blue some time before the weekend, well, I will take back everything I just said.

OF Craps

You know, sometimes you take a chance on OnlyFans because she's a Playmate and she's delivered for you before, so why not spend $29?  But I looked back on my spreadsheet and paying that much, or more, for the photo or video is a crapshoot.  Sometimes they come through; sometimes it's no nudity at all, and I get really fucking burned.

And then there is the technical shit like this time around.  She said she was doing these photos and video in an airplane bathroom, and I'm a sucker for shit like that.  Well, for $29 I saw her tits in two photos ... and that's it.  Yeah, I saw her boobs, so I'm happy, but for $29?  Not happy.

Wanna Tip On OnlyFans? Beware!

I started casting about for women (models mostly) who publish photographs of themselves naked on Patreon.  But last year or so they tightened their standards to only allow, uh, tastefully done nudes on their site.  Most models (and, as soon as I realized cam girls and even porn stars started off there, them too) I followed made the decision that they couldn't make money if Patreon was going to apply a stricter standard to what they consider to be acceptable on their platform.  So they went to OnlyFans.

I think I saw OnlyFans several years ago on my pseudonymous Twitter account for which I follow porn stars and bikini models and the like.  One porn star didn't tweet anything besides boasting she had signed up this person and that person to her OF account.  I was at first reluctant to join all the models and hot women who emigrated from Patreon to OnlyFans.  But I was convinced to finally sign up not by a porn star or bodybuilding babe but by a photographer who photographs women in the nude.  I have been Facebook friends with him for the hot pictures he publishes, but he frequently was suspended and banned for the nudity in those photos, and he began to complain vociferously about Facebook's standards.  He announced that he finally gave up and planned to move all of his work (he has had a long career shooting women naked) to OF.  He is such a famous, skilled photographer that I gladly subscribed to his account at, I think, 11 bucks per month.

And that's when it dawned on me that OnlyFans has become an online, uh, membership web portal for porn.  I started scanning all the hot babes on Facebook, and some of them advertised their OF account.  I resisted, but then I started being curious about some of them, so I took a peek.  And then I saw them advertising other models, none of whom I am Facebook friends with.  Some of those models and girls enticed me with free accounts, which actually show nothing but teaser shots and the like.

Still, I followed those free accounts.  That meant that they could send e-mails to my OnlyFans inbox, where they sometimes describe screengrabs and videos that I could see ... if I pay for it with my credit card.  Oh no, I don't ... well, eventually I caved.  I remember it was specifically for a woman who is not on Facebook, but on her free site was one of the only, if not the only, babe who posted shots and videos of her naked.  I was waiting for someone to take that step towards me, and so I rewarded her by taking a step towards her.  I pushed a few buttons, and I got to unlock this photo of her sucking off a guy, presumably her husband.  It was ... well, she has a banging body, but knowing that she was in her, or their, house and he's blowing someone she probably is married to is something of a buzzkill.

But in for a penny, in for a pound, amirite?  There are a lot of women I have subscribed to.  Many of them are former Playboy Playmates who are still trying to make a buck out of their naked bodies.  (I found them listed on a post in Vintage Erotica Forum.)  I jerked off to them before, so I would love to get hard to them again.  And since I was going to "tip" (that's OF's word for unlocking these otherwise hidden photos and videos) Playmates, I might as well try a few of these other models and cam girls, too.  They set the rate at which each contribution sent to my e-mail is worth, and some of them are obscenely expensive.  I have seen one woman, a hot bodybuilder (seriously, her bod is to fucking die for), say that I could see her naked for $150.  I have a secure job right now, but no.

So when I finally made the decision to see what these locked contributions are all about, I decided I would have a limit: I would not pay more than ten bucks to see something.  So over a few days, I charged a few of these secret boxes to the credit card I have on file.  And ... fuck me, I've been fooled.  I have seen one model send a topless photo, and there is one video of an amateur model fellating a big, black plastic penis.  Everything else I tipped for are teaser shots where the chick is holding her arms right in front of her tits.  The closest I see are thongs showing the ass.  It's a ripoff.  And frankly, I'm not into seeing chicks sucking fake dick.  Also, that video is over five minutes long.  I haven't had the desire to watch all of it yet.  I saw that first video of that woman sucking a real dick in its entirety because the video was shorter, but, now that I think on it, it's a real guy, with real sperm shooting out of his urethra.  Now that's a real blowjob.

All told I think I spent ... egad, $40-50 on these photos and videos.  I might patronize the two who actually get naked and do shit, but I have been burned so many times that I think I should err on the side of not tipping for these.  They're not giving me what I want, and I think I've wasted enough money, although learning a lesson may not be a complete waste.

Addendum To: A Blessing In Disguise, But My Penis Does Not Think So

Yeah, about going still doing the risky business of seeing strippers for sexytime stuff (forget about the risk of, you know, getting venereal diseases and stuff) ... the more I think about it, the more I'm scared about doing it.  I said in a previous blog post that I just can't help trying to get fucked.  But ... well, not like I have friends who have gotten it, but this girl who posed in Playboy while she was in college -- have I blogged about her before? -- anyway, she said on Facebook that she and some of her kids got it.  Even though my circle of family and friends has remained largely COVID-19-free, knowing that a Facebook friend has it has shook me.

What would help a lot is some direction from the state stating goals and timelines on vaccine rollout for the general public.  I have heard that after they vaccinate doctors and nurses in hospitals and the elderly in long-term care homes, one of the priority groups are people 75 and over.  That includes Father.  The goal is to get those people vaccinated this month.  I heard that another goal is to have a website up whereby people know when and where to get their shots.  I haven't seen it yet.  But if I do, if I know that these vaccinations are reaching into the community and that there is a plan, that light at the end of the tunnel gets closer.  I would be able to see that eventually it'll get to me -- or, if I'm really hunting for stink, my parents will eventually get inoculated against the coronavirus, so I won't have to worry about giving them the virus as I traipse around my stripper girlfriends.  Then I could feel better about refraining from getting my fuck on because I would feel as though I could wait.

Right now, though, I can't, although the need to refrain from any sexual activity is strong with me now.  Like I said before, I would feel horrible if a vaccine were coming, but it would be too late for my folks because I gave them the virus before they got their shots.  I have my Friday afternoons free for the time being, plus I promised at least one woman I'd "cum" over and fuck her.  I would like to get my rocks off at least once over the winter, and I don't want to go back on my word, but ... wouldn't it be worth it to hold off for, what, one month?  Or two?  Maybe more ... ?

My 2019 Playboy Playmate Of The Year

Before I proceed, I think I need to make an announcement.  This, in all probability, will be the final time I crown a Playboy Playmate Of The Year.  This follows a long slide into irrelevance for what was once the vanguard pornographic magazine in the world.  But the advent of cheap and free porn on the Internet led to slumping advertiser dollars which forced The Bunny to make editorial cuts.  To try and change the image in order to save it, they then switched over to non-nudity, which was a total mistake.  They brought back breasts (though not necessarily pubic hair), but the issues each year were cut from 12 to 11 to six and, for 2019, four.  It's now not even in print anymore; they discontinued hardcopy issues earlier this spring, although before the pandemic.

I would be sad, but I have disagreed with the changes for several years now.  The cutting down on issues was the first truly disappointing sign, but the pivot to non-nudity damaged my image of Playboy beyond repair.  I tried following along with pictorials on the website Vintage Erotica Forum, but I got the feeling so many former aficionados were so dismayed by its new direction that even they stopped caring enough to pilfer the images and put them on the website.  So that made me care even less.

But it's time to put 2019 to bed, so I looked at what images I do see from VEF, and I'm finally making some decisions.  Overall it is nowhere near the heyday of Playboy, which in my opinion was the late eighties, when I looked over my parents' Hong Kong editions of PB when I looked through them at The Store, to around 1998, when I graduated from college.  (I know a lot of Playboy diehards think those halcyon days were much earlier.)  Showing pubes makes a big difference, but near the tail end of the magazine they were going for much, well, artier photos when all I really wanted to see were tits, ass and pussy.  Playboy always said they sought a higher-end depiction of female nudity, and they tried to distance themselves from Penthouse, its smuttier competitor, throughout its life.  But I always thought that The Bunny always had the central intention of arousing carnal desires in the person looking at these spreads.  I didn't feel that way about the mag in the last, oh, two or three years.  Guess that's another reason why I'm not so heartbroken on the death of the print magazine.

With that being said, there are a few bomb-diggity photos that I like.  What I was hoping for were so pussy shots, such as the single, solitary one from a Playmate in 2018, which is the only reason why I voted for Olga de Mar for 2018 PMOY.  For example, Miss January, Vendela (her last name is Lindblom, but she doesn't go by that name in this pictorial) and Miss Septembe, Sophie O'Neil, are posed in such a way where you think you see their vajajays, but they've lifted up their left legs just enough whereby their thighs are sort-of-covering their triangles.  Drat!

With that being said, Vendela has a couple peek-a-boo shots where her slim tits are poking out on the outsides of a singlet.  Her whole boxing motif is a good one, and it harkens back to the days where Playboy had themes for their centerfolds.  Miss March, Miki Hamano, has this one shot where she's wearing a black slingshot swimsuit, but either she's wearing it backwards or she's pulled out the straps that would cover her nipples so that the suit is not covering anything.  Shots like that drive me wild.  And I love that she was considered to be a model for Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Issue that came out over the summer.  Going from nude to non-nude in a more "reputable" magazine is so subversive it gets me erect, to be honest.

Yoli Lara, Miss June, has got a banger of a body.  The Puerto Rican is slim and tight and would fit with the vintage Playboy Playmates.  She's got two fantastic shots.  One of them is just a fabric wrapped around her breasts except that her left nipple is peeking out.  The other is her wearing just a bikini bottom that sort-of evokes the American flag, holding a glass bottle that seems to be holding Coke (branded with The Bunny logo) and her throwing her head back so we can only see her chin.  Man, her small tits in that shot, fuck. ...

So I gave you roughly my fourth through second picks.  My pick for top model, however, has to go to Miss April, Fo Porter.  I'll be honest, y'all: Her pictorial doesn't do much for me.  But if you were a fan of America's Next Top Model, you'll remember Fo as a contestant on Cycle 12 of ANTM, which aired the spring of 2009.  She finished fifth, and although I remember dutifully watching most episodes of that season, I don't remember much of her.  Still, like Eugena from Cycle 7, she took off her clothes (well, at least showed her breasts), and got recognition from me.  And in Fo's case, that recognition is best Playboy Playmate of 2019 from yours truly.

OK, so my reasons for crowning her may be cheap and inauthentic.  But, honestly, so was the magazine around this time.  Maybe it's fitting.

By the way, Playboy is still publishing Playmates online, I think.  I have not gone to their website.  Neither has anybody on Vintage Erotica Forum, nor has anyone on Wikipedia updated their list of Playmates.  We all stopped caring.

She's Hot As Fuck, And She's A Conspiracy Theorist!!!

I shouldn't make these grand declarations about women, but I can say this about a lot of the women I, well, want to fuck -- the strippers who are in my life and the women I am friends with on Facebook because they're Playmates or porn stars or models or bodybuilders and show off their bodies in all the photos they post of themselves: They believe in conspiracy theories.

I have known, for a long time, that many strippers and Playmates are in fact Republicans.  I never really understood that; why would someone who is in the business of making money off of showing of their own bodies be loyal to a political party that swears by moral certitude and swears against glorifying flesh, mainly women's?  I still don't quite get it, but I have grown to understand that as monolithic as I (and maybe many Republicans) want Republicanism to be, there is a wing of that ideology that couldn't give two shits about religion and instead gives fealty to its cause because of its selfishness disguised as individualism.  Libertarians are really adults who have the maturity of  teenagers, and thus being conservative is somehow for them.

But ever since 2000 Republicans haven't just gotten extreme; they've gotten bug-fuck crazy.  And although George W. Bush deserves to be tried in The Hague instead of getting the revisionist history he doesn't fucking deserve, that entire goddamn party have shit for brains right now.  Pizzagate?  QAnon?  Adrenochrome?  Chemtrails??  JFK Jr. is alive???  People believe this bullshit.  People are actually running for Congress expressing loyalty to this cult.  And so many people have gotten wrapped up in its shithouse-rat claims that it has already exhibited the characteristics of a religion.

When people say the Internet, and in particular social media platforms, and specifically Facebook, is drowning in conspiracy theories, believe them.  I had no idea how many people are under the spell of these lies (all of them coming from the Republican side) until Donald Trump cheated his way to the presidency.  During the 2016 campaign and especially since he was installed, people I am connected to have posted these crazy stories denigrating Democrats and boosting Trump and, by definition, Republicans, too.  While my core friends, people I truly know from high school and my childhood, don't believe in this outlandish garbage, I have a few acquaintances that do.  Worse for my libido, of the many strippers I befriended from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version), nearly all of them subscribe to conspiracy theories, whether it be QAnon or specific claims, such as vaccines cause autism and masks don't work.

A lot of the babes I'm friends with on Facebook, nearly all of whom I probably will never see in my lifetime, believe this crap.  Many of the Playboy Playmates I befriend on FB continue to post these conspiracy theories from time to time.  And my frustration with trying to deal with hot women who choose to live in this Bizarro World came to a head when it came to two non-PB hot babes either Monday or Tuesday night.

First, there is one "figure competitor" who has gone all in on essentially fellating Trump and posting all of these false news stories.  My final straw came when she posted on Facebook that bullshit story claiming that the Center for Disease Control now says that only 6% of the deaths that had been blamed on COVID-19 are actually because of that disease.  She runs her own business whereby she hawks these nutritional products, and since I believe those drinks are a bunch of literal hooey, thinking she would make the leap into Crazytown isn't so far-fetched.  Anyway, I actually replied to her with a story debunking the stupid-ass logic that led to that conclusion.  I checked on her thread, and I don't see it.  I think she deleted my post.  Later in the evening, I saw a Facebook story by a Playmate whom I haven't seen in a long time.  I liked her photo, then went onto her Timeline.  I went through her status updates, liking a couple ... before seeing #SaveTheChildren pop up on of her posts.  Then I see a meme she posted taking a cheap shot at Hillary Clinton, and then later I see that fucking hashtag #WWG1WGA.  I deleted a comment I sent her.  My God, she looks so normal, but she fucking believes in fucking QAnon?!?!?!

I think about pushing back more often.  But I hold out hope that one day I will see them in person and, yes, I hope they are willing to have sex with me, so I comment only sparingly.  All of this makes me sad.  It is really depressing to see so many beautiful women be taken in by such an obviously fake and stupendously reckless way of thinking like QAnon.  Yes, I am selfishly thinking with my penis when I let this get me down.  But the number of hot women I know, on social media and in my life, that have not been brainwashed by this I can count on my fingers.

In the meantime I have to ask myself the question people should ask themselves if one of the brainwashed is a close personal friend or a family member: Do you confront your loved one's BS conspiracy theories, or do you just live and let live, and love and let love?  I don't know how to answer this.  And regardless of who wins (or cheats to win), can I stay friends with the people I've met on the Internet and IRL if not all of us are happy with the result?  I don't know.  And that makes me even sadder.

My 2018 Playboy Playmate Of The Year

Feel bad that Playboy has fallen so far out of my pornographic pursuits.  But the Internet has made smut so readily accessible, and allowed all of us to follow our kinks, that the professional, "Girl Next Door" ethos of the original porn mag has lost circulation -- so much so that this year was, like the couple (?) years before, six bi-monthly issues instead of 12 monthly.  Also, it made me forget that, for a few years (at least I think), I would do an annual assessment of who I think should be Playmate Of The Year.

This is 2020, obviously.  I forgot I didn't do one for 2018.  That's how far Playboy is now out of my life.  But I want to be a completist, plus I want to think of something else besides COVID-19, so this is as good a time as any to finally give you my pick for '18 PMOY.

Oh, another reason I've turned away from Playboy: They don't show pussy.  I think it was 2017 where they finally reversed their strange decision to not show boobie, but they still have not gone back to showing full frontal.  It's a shame, because I think pretty much all of the Playmates in 2018 are hot.  (Maybe the big exception: Miss December, Emanuel Jordan -- who was picked as Playmate Of The Year.  Agree to disagree.)  If I had to extend my picks to five, I would toggle the last two spots between Miss February, Megan Samperi (dressed up in a college girl motif) and Miss March, Jenny Watwood (long raven hair, hourglass figure).

In third place is Miss September, Kirby Griffin.  I must admit that the main reason I put her in third is something I find lurid: She was a model in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue!  It's true!!  Just one year, in 2012!!!  I've gotten every year's issue, and I don't remember Griffin.  But I see her slim body in a swimsuit, and I get off then seeing her out of a swimsuit!

In second place is Shauna Sexton, Miss May.  I like the theme of her pictorial, that of her working out.  Sweat and fitness turns me on.  But in her spread, her most captivating photo was one where she was totally clothed.  She was in scrubs, holding a dog.  You see, not only is she a model (and a hot one; just check out her Instagram), she's a veterinary technician.  An emergency and critical care one at that, too.  I'd like to think that she wants to go into vet medicine after her modeling career is over, and she's studying to be one right now while her modeling is her main hustle.  I respect that.  A lot!

In first place?  Miss October, Olga de Mar.  She is a bottle blonde with a knockout figure.  Hef would've loved her.  But the main reason I put her first is something I now need to take back -- turns out Playboy does show pussy, just not very often.  And imagine my surprise when, after a couple years of a no-bush edict, de Mar's centerfold is her, on a clay tennis court, wearing no clothes, and posing in just enough of a profile that we get to see her razor-thin strip of pubic hair.  Hey, vagina!!!

So yes, for that reason more than anything, Olga de Mar is my 2018 Playboy Playmate Of The Year.

Cancelled Again

Did the eggplant emoji to another Facebook friend, and this time I added the sweat drops emoji.  She's a Playmate, so I thought she would understand.  Instead, she says, "Disgusting."  And after I typed out an apology, I get an answer from Facebook saying there was technical error or something.  I tried looking her up; couldn't find her.  She defriended and blocked me.

A part of me is sad and ashamed.  And since such a shaming has happened a second time, maybe this should be a sign that I should stop.  Then again, I had been warned by another woman after I gave her an eggplant emoji, and while she said I was being rude, she didn't block me.  And another babe just gave me a thumbs down.  After I apologized, she gave me a thumbs up.  We're still Facebook friends.  Why couldn't this Playmate do that instead?  I mean, you have to believe that with the sexy photos she keeps putting up, someone was going to be aroused and masturbate to them, right?

So it feels like the other part of me will win, the part of me that never learns, the part of me that will always be horny, the part of me that says -- well, take it away, Chris Cornell:



RIP, sir.

Where's My Nude Photo? (Scheduled Post)

Oh, yeah!  Totally forgot this.

I am Facebook friends with a Playboy Playmate.  As many PMs do, she has photos of herself, both non-nude and nude, to sell.  Well, I remember masturbating to her photos and I know her, sort of, on Facebook, so around the holidays I said I would buy one, and I PayPaled her for a photo ... which I have yet to receive.

I thought about giving her about a month before I would inquire about the status of the picture I bought.  I did that, and that was about six weeks ago, and she hasn't answered me back.  Meanwhile she's still active on Facebook, and I still like her status updates and pictures.  Just now I liked a photo of her daughter as she announced that her daughter got a job.  But $40 is a hell of a lot of money, and I think she's obligated to complete her end of this transaction.

I'll be honest: I have been hesitant to press the issue with her because I don't want a Playmate to hate me and defriend me.  But ... dammit, where the hell's my photo?  I don't want to be pushed around while she takes my money without giving anything in return.  On top of that, I don't know how to get back my money.  I should look at PayPal policy to see if I can demand a refund.  But really, what I should do is start pestering her for my picture.  She might be airheaded enough to accuse me of not giving her money, and if I keep asking, maybe she'll block and/or report me on Facebook.  I cared about that before, but do I now?

THESE AREN'T STUPID QUESTIONS!!!

Alright, need to get this off my chest.

So there's this one Facebook friend I have who I have never really met, I just saw on her naked in Playboy's "College Girls" issue once and I friend requested her out of the blue.  She's really cool -- I think.  Anyway, she has adopted two kids (she has two biologically) and is in the process of adopting a third, and I think she is a single mom as of right now.  Total respect.

Saw Instant Family Tuesday.  Very good, heartwarming film.  It's one of those films where people who hate Hollywood and say, "No one there makes a family movie!" should watch -- provided they can get over the swearing.  Anyway, once I saw the film, I thought of her, and so I messaged her about whether she has watched it yet.  She didn't.  She is going to rent it next year, and the only bad thing she's heard about it is the portrayal of these cartoonish, buffonish foster parents from which the main characters rescue these three kids.

"So you're saying that on the whole, foster parents aren't bad people?" I said.

Silence.

Haven't heard from her in two days now.

Now, you can't tell tone on the Internet.  But dammit, my insecure, paranoid persona is running wild in my head now.  I can't help but think that this hot Facebook friend looked at what I wrote back to her and thought, "Ugh, such a stupid question.  Of course foster parents aren't bad people -- that's what I just said, moron."  I have half a belief that she's de-friended me by the time I publish this blog post.

Look, it's not a stupid question!  I am just confirming -- making sure, you know? -- what she is trying to communicate.  I hope she's not telling me, "No shit, Sherlock."  Man, why the hell are so many people outraged over a simple back-and-forth conversation?  Can't fucking talk to people anymore.

---

Wednesday I had to talk to our gas company because we (in my parents' name) were sent bills for a property they had sold (and they had told the company that) back in the summer.  I needed to follow up even though, for some reason, another, "final" bill came with a refund.  On it was a line item for a payment made in late October.  That frightened me because that would have meant that I had paid for something that I should not have paid for, and I overlooked it.

I initially called about this before Thanksgiving and was told to call back either Monday or Tuesday.  I remembered to call Wednesday and, after getting the runaround where I was told to wait and then was sent back to the introductory message not once but twice, I finally got someone.  After looking up the case number I provided, she said, "You will receive a check as a credit for this property" ... which is precisely what I was able to glean from the statement just sent.

But what about the payment supposedly made in October?  I was trying to ask the question while giving the long story so as not to make her think I was stupid.  But then I realized that my folks were getting a credit, which means that any payment made from our household was going to come back to us.  (Although, for some reason, I'm still not entirely sure about the logic behind that.)  So I finally got around to asking the customer representative, "So, can you tell me about the nature of this payment and ... uh, whether you can confirm to me I'm getting all of it back?"

And all she said was: "You will receive a check as a credit for this property."  Again.  Oh, and her tone was definitely, "You're an idiot."

Look, it's not a stupid question!  I see amounts added up and subtracted, and all of a sudden I see some payment three hours after my parents' account was supposed to be deactivated, and you sound like you're pissed that we've been given the runaround?!  Fuck you!  I don't care how mushmouthed my question was.  You can answer better than just repeating what you said, you bitch!  I declined answering their survey after the call because I had been given that runaround three times, but if I had known she would have treated me this way, I would have definitely agreed to the survey so I could torpedo her chances of keeping her job as much as I could.  Goddammit, man, I mean, seriously.

WHY ARE PEOPLE THINKING I'M ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS???  I'M NOT ASKING STUPID QUESTIONS!!!

My 2017 Playboy Playmate Of The Year

Before the year is through I should select someone.

And I wish I could consider these 12 girls more than I am.  However, I have things to do right now.  And also, you have to remember that in 2017 Playboy changed their minds about nudity and started to show tits again.  That's all great, but without full nudity I find myself much less compelled to, uh, ruminate over the beauty of these girls.  Saying that, I think they might be showing bush again this year ... blog post about this might be ahead.

This transition back started in the March/April issue (they might be flip-flopping over nudity, but not over cutting down to only six issues per year, goddammit), so although they are obviously cute, Miss January, Bridget Malcolm and Miss February, Joy Corrigan are immediately disqualified.  From there ... uh, well, I posted a perverted comment on one of the Instagrams of Miss March, Elizabeth Elam, and she removed it and had me reported, so fuck her.  And about Miss November, Ines Rau, the first-ever transgender Playmate: I don't mind that PB picked a tranny PM, if only to see Republicans get all grossed out and shit over it.  But if Playboy is going to commit to making one a Playmate, they need to go all the way.  You may not know this, but Rau did not show any lady parts.  No, in a flashback all the way back to the Jan./Feb. issue, her tits and pussy remained hidden.  I really do think the magazine wants to be progressive, but in this spread, it teased and then ultimately chickened out.

Everybody else is OK, I guess, but frankly, it's difficult to single out one centerfold above the others when they're all so ... good enough, you know?  I certainly would not have selected Miss April, Nina Daniele, who has become the Playmate Of The Year.  My runner-up is Allie Leggett, Miss December.  She has some fantastic-sized bazoombas, and she is a former pageant girl; she was Miss Kentucky 2013 and went on to compete in the Miss USA pageant.  She resumes a long line of pristine pageant beauties who went on to take off that tiara and evening gown and show everything (well, at least her boobs), yow!

But my pick for PMOY goes to Miss July, Dana Taylor.  If everyone is playing on the same, even, fallow playing field (no pussy), I have to find some other differentiation.  And that comes in what the photographer poses the Playmate in.  So credit goes to tog (I think that's what people in the biz call "photographers" these days) Derek Kettela for choosing a water/scuba theme.  He has Taylor partially wearing a one-piece swimsuit, except that her neon orange suit is unzipped from the front, and so her ample boobage is flashing through, as if she's stripping on the ocean water.  For those two shots alone, I select Dana Taylor as my Playboy Playmate Of The Year.

Of course, I would fuck all of these women.

Thinking About Death Again

Lately, I don't know how long, I'm back to, just before falling asleep, catching myself before falling asleep and thinking, "What if I don't wake up?"

I've been thinking about death a lot lately.  People around me -- not in my immediate circle, and not even an intermediate circle -- have died, and it's been affecting me a lot.  First of all was the first stripper from My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) to give me a handjob (well, squeeze my cock once really quick, and only after I badgered her into doing it).  She died a year ago, and she died unexpectedly and in her sleep.  I had not seen her in years, and our last interaction was her answering a question about her son on a Facebook status months before her death.  But she was younger than me, and, well, young.

This week I was told by a hot Facebook friend that her friend, a Playboy Playmate who went by Nichole Van Croft in the magazine, died.  She also died unexpectedly and in her sleep, at least as far as I know.  She had been through some black days, but all the status updates indicate that she kicked those addictions and was living the good life.  Most touching to me is that she personally replied to a couple of comments I left on a couple of her status update photos.  I hope there is an autopsy so we know exactly what happened.  Nichole died at the age of 44, only two years older than I.  Regardless of how hard her life was, that is too young to die.

So with those blindside deaths before their time, I have been thinking a lot about my parents.  They seem to be in great health, and yet I am deathly scared that one of them also will die in their sleep.  It's been an encroaching menace in my life, and my folks aren't getting any younger.  So I ... wonder, about them but also about me.  I mean, I'm 42.  I could fall asleep and not wake up, right?

In the meantime I should remember to text other family members just to see how they're doing.

You Know What? I'm Slut-Shaming Again

I consider myself liberal, and yet I always felt kind of funny, if not conservative, when it came to Bill Clinton's impeachment.  It gets clearer with each passing year that Republicans, already starving for power in American government and sacrificing the concept of the common good in the process, impeached Clinton for political reasons and not because he broke the law.  Nevertheless, the witch hunt that was perpetrated upon him did turn over a lie, extraneous to the functions of the presidency as it may be, concerning sexual trysts he had with Monica Lewinsky, who was an intern for him at the time.

As meaningless to his duties at the time, I did not like the fact that he lied to Special Prosecutor Ken Starr about him fucking around with Lewinsky.  But I'll be even more honest with you guys: Deep down, I didn't like the fact that President Clinton fucked around with an intern.  I don't care if he didn't go balls deep in her.  The fact that she, sucked his dick and whatnot constitutes cheating on your spouse, and it does matter to me if my President has decent character.  Again, I don't think he had to be removed from office.  But even as a Democrat, the shine was off his legacy permanently, at least in my mind.

One other thing, however.  It takes two to tango.  And I, to this day, still think Monica Lewinsky is a fat slut who is just as culpable in damaging a marriage and a presidency as Clinton was.  She damn well knew he was married when she started fucking around with him, and she didn't care.  She never really ... I would say atone for her responsibility.  But apparently she is distancing herself from even that, and in turn running towards the #MeToo movement.  She has penned an essay in Vanity Fair where she proclaims herself the victim and, after years of either deflecting offers to blame him or avoiding the subject entirely, points the finger at Bill Clinton for putting his dick in her orifices.  "A gross abuse of power," she writes, as if she was held down while Clinton was doing all that shit to her.

You know what, Monica Lewinsky?  Fuck off and go the fuck away.  Forever.  Couch yourself in your lowly position and contrast the age and power difference between you and him as much as you like.  You were old enough to know better.  You had one job above all else: Don't fuck the President.  And you did, or had sexual relations with him at least.  And I find it way too goddamn convenient that you "recast" your backroom fuck-arounds with him as sexual harassment.  Stop it.

That puts me at odds with a lot of liberals, I know.  But grown-ups who consent to relationships when one or both partners have vowed to be faithful to another person are being, to use a polite, vague term, unethical.  And I don't buy any social pressures or naivete that makes it acceptable or forgivable, especially when you grasp for such straws years after the fact.  You virtually wrecked a marriage and helped tarnish the legacy of a president.  That is your fault.  Own up to it, damn you.

---

And while we're on the subject of slut-shaming women who fucked around with presidents, let's go to the orange prick who we have to call President now and the slut who literally banged him.  Somehow, someway, Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal (she is fucking hot, believe me) responded to Donald Trump's come-ons by sleeping with him in 2006 ... while he was married to current wife Melania.  To her credit (for lack of a better word), she hasn't hid behind the #MeToo movement that Lewinsky is finding shelter under now, at least not yet.

But she's still a fucking slut.  She was well above age when she fucked Trump.  She knew goddamn well he was married at the time, and if she didn't, she's stupid and she should have.  And she slept with him anyway.  Yeah, Trump is responsible.  But McDougal is responsible too, and anyone who lets her off the hook just because she's a woman and he's Donald Trump refuses to tell it like it is.  And judging by the body language Melania uses around her husband, McDougal actually is a homewrecker, so she's got that going for her.

Two other things.  First off, it would not surprise me at all if, after all this shit, she actually voted for Trump and believes he is doing a good job as President.  If she fucked him willingly, she probably is dumb enough to believe he's a good Leader Of The Free World.  Besides, most Playmates are Republicans.  Second off, the detail that still baffles me the most in the breakthrough New Yorker piece is that, after they fucked (at least for the first time), Trump tried to giver McDougal money, to which she said she felt sorry for him and said, "No thanks, I'm not 'that girl.'  I slept with you because I like you."  I actually would have more respect for that shit-for-brains bimbo if she did take the money.  Anybody who willingly fucks that evil gelatinous moron Trump because she likes to needs some goddamn psychological help.

I'm into slut-shaming.  Fight me.

You Know, I Think Some Playmates Are Kind Of Nuts

As I've said many times before, the co-main reason I got onto Facebook (I do want to remain connected with my actual friends) is to find and befriend hot women on the Internet.  I think most of those are bodybuilders, but I initially signed up to look for Playboy Playmates and college girls who showed their bodies in the magazine.  It's an extension of my previous hobby of looking up those college girls on the Internet in college.  Now, I wish I could have done it under an alias, but Mark Zuckerberg doesn't like that, so instead of stopping, I just decided to marry my perverted side with the real me.  Russian bots are fine; me following hot women under the safety of anonymity are not.

People in social media do spill their secrets and expose their real selves.  That's what I was looking for, and it was the main reason I wanted to befriend these hot babes.  But while looking through pictures of their kids and their pets, I started to notice that some of them are, shall we say, human.  Well, I don't think that's the right word.  Some of them are quite normal.  And some of them are fucking crazy bitches.

There are two of them that I got sick of last week.  Well, they got sick of me, actually.  Wendy Hamilton (Miss .. oh, who gives a shit) was a woman who never posted pictures of herself right now, although she uploaded pictures of herself when she modeled.  She was more of a person who would post photos of her sons, and updated her status to talk about them.  But some of her other status updates was just her complaining.  One update I remember was a road rage incident where she and the other driver exchanged middle fingers.  The other one is Fawna McLaren (also don't give a rat's ass when her centerfold was) who would sometimes rant on Facebook.  Usually it had a political bent; like Hamilton, McLaren was a rank conservative.  I didn't mind that because, hey, they're Playboy Playmates.

It came to a head last week when Hamilton posted another pic of her as a model.  Now, I got the idea at this point that she would rather not upload a photo of her as she looks now.  Nevertheless, I decided I would comment that I would like to see one.

And oh God, she fucking went nuts!  "How dare you!" she cried, and then she got into this defensive crouch of, "I will post what I want!  Why do you keep asking me for a photo of me now?" (this is the first time I ever asked for a current shot).  And then McLaren started egging her on: "Oh, he's just rude!  You should just unfriend her, girl."  I had an idea from their past updates that they were dramatic, if not unstable.  But when I saw their string of comments to my innocuous request, ending with Hamilton saying, "Ugh!  Just delete this!" I stopped caring about being able to fantasize and masturbate to these two women.  And so I defriended them.

Well, I blocked McLaren.  I swear I friended her, but we weren't friends, and even if we were, her wingwoman bullshit would have convinced me to cut her loose.  I then blocked Hamilton, then thought I was being Franken-level harsh, so I decided to un-block her but stay not friends.  But then I thought, "Wait, I don't want to be bothered by this kook ever again," even though I watched her Playboy video, and I still remember her turning around and bending over to show off her fine ass from under her short skirt and she turned back to the camera to smile and ... anyway, I decided to make this permanent, so after Facebook's mandatory 48-hour "cooling off period," I re-blocked her.

It seemed like a very heavy decision at the time.  But I think me forgetting for a whole week about what I did and just getting around to blogging about it now is testament to the fact that I really didn't care about "losing" those two as "friends."  And my life, as hectic and unhappy as it is, really isn't affected by my blocking these Playmates.  I'm OK.  In fact, I think it's good I took steps, superficial as they may be, to removing toxic and negative people out of my life.

O Death

So, I am planning on stopping by a funeral home this evening because the father of a few of my friends died late last week.  I had no clue.  We are friends, but I don't know if we're so close (at least right now; we were huge friends in high school) that they would feel as though they would let me know their dad was sick.  I'm not offended.

Most of the only times I saw him were at the family's house, where I would come to celebrate New Year's.  We never had long or deep conversations, but from the conversations I had with him and from observing him interacting with his kids, he was a really nice guy.

There's been an awful recent block of deaths of people two degrees apart or I don't know.  Janet Lupo, a very popular Playboy Playmate, died a couple days ago.  And a couple of aunts of Facebook friends have died recently.  I don't know what's going on, but it feels as though there's a purge of, well, living people.

The past couple nights, as I was turning in to sleep, I jolted myself into sudden shock.  Thinking about all this death surrounding me, in particular the father of friends I've known a long time, I realized that this isn't stopping.  It's going to continue, and it's going to accelerate, and everyone will have his or her turn at heartbreak.  Including me.

My parents are getting up there, but they've got enough energy to go to Vegas soon.  But, one day, I'll hear the news that they're really sick.  And then it'll dawn on all of us, on me, that either Father or Mother won't get better, and so we'll all face days of decline in health till ... you know.  And then I'll try to turn in to sleep, and I'll realize that things won't get better -- that one day, they'll be gone.  And then I'll be wishing for the days I am having now, when things are good, before things inevitably age and die.

Oh Yeah -- My Pick For 2016 Playmate Of The Year (Scheduled Post)

I should have written this way sooner in the year.  Shit, I should have written my annual PMOY choice blog post sooner every year.  But now, just before my parents come home, is the perfect time to finally do this.  (No, one has nothing to do with the other.)

Last year brought something vastly different with Playboy, and really, really stupid: Starting with Miss March 2016, the Playmates didn't show their tits or pussy.  It was an attempt to go "mainstream," and thank Buddha, God, Allah and all the deities above that Playboy realized that it's fucking Playboy, and so the magazine changed its mind back in time for their March/April issue this year.  (One change that they did mainstream, which is both unfortunate but understandable, is to publish six times bimonthly; there will be two Playmates in each issue, one representing each month.)  That meant that this year's PMOY, Brook Power, showed her ass but used her arms to cover up everything for her PM spread in the May 2016 issue, but she dropped her arms to show her nice boobies (but kept her panties on -- still no pussy?) in the May/June issue this year.  (This is the direct opposite of last year's PMOY, Eugenia Washington, who was totally naked her monthly spread but showed nothing but her ass for her winning one.)

I'm not going to count that; that is a PMOY spread when only the PMOM pictorials should be the ones I evaluate.  Furthermore, on principle, I will not count any of the Playmates who didn't show her lady bits.  That's Maxim shit, not Playboy.  So that reduces the field of Playmates to two: Miss January, Amberleigh West, and Miss February, Kristy Garett.

Of the two, the choice is clear.  Both chicks are hot.  But I have seen Ms. West's Facebook page, and she is a raging Ayn Rand cultist.  I mean, libertarian is too mild a word to describe her.  She is absolutely fucking nuts over that overrated eugenicist.  So even though I call complete bullshit that Kristy Garett is her real name -- she's from Georgia (the former Soviet republic, not the United State), and I just saw on her Wiki that her real name is Kristy Goretskay -- by default I say Playboy Playmate Of The Year 2016 (2017?) is her.  She may have no political views.  She may not have any thoughts on anything at all.  Shit, she might be as raving a Rand lunatic like West.  But without proof, my PMOY choice is Kristy Garett.

#RIPHef

My God, it's happened.  Hugh Hefner died last (Wednesday) night.  I saw it from a Facebook status update posted by a Facebook friend who was a Playmate (or is a Playmate -- Hef always said, "Once a Playmate, always a Playmate").  I knew he was getting up there in age -- he died at age 91, same age (assuming we are correct) that Grandmother died -- but like someone on Twitter said, he had lived so long we just assumed that, you know, he'd keep on living.

But no, Death comes for all of us, even those who singlehandedly changed American and world culture.  I mean, think about it: Pornography (and I don't want to get into a discussion about whether Playboy is porn or not, just know that fuck yeah it is) was a dirty secret kept away from polite society, so crammed down into the recesses of the American id that anybody who even spoke about female nudity was deemed to be a pervert.  Actually, anybody who does like to see naked female bodies is most likely a pervert.  Hey, you gotta be me.  But Hugh Hefner made it mainstream.  He brought out the female form as art you could be aroused by to the masses and said it was OK.

Hef (and I call him by his nickname like I knew him, even though the only time I ever saw him was at a book signing back in college ... oh yeah, where is that coffee table book?!) also was credited for liberating female thought as well as female bodies.  There has always been a belief that Hugh Hefner was exploiting women; and not for nothing, but I heard some rumblings that Playmate photos had been sold in recent years to porn sites without the Playmates' consent.  But the idea that women were just sex objects to him, while a big part of his success and personal lifestyle, did not tell the whole story.  From what I can tell, he was a big believer in civil rights and freedom of speech.  That cuts both ways; Playboy seems to have a libertarian streak that made right-wingers and gun nuts feel at home in the pages of his magazine.  But especially early on, he was a champion of promoting famous people of color and women's liberation.  For every woman who thought Hef was an oppressor, another one thanked him for allowing her to be who she really wanted to be -- namely, a fully-formed, fully-sexualized adult.  Yes, female nudity and sex -- pornography -- can easily be exploited.  But the truth about Hugh Hefner is that he was much, much more than that.

So for that reason, or for the fact that he was a self-made man who built an empire out of his own hands, or for the indisputable imprint he made in publishing and in modern culture in the 20th century, or (it always comes back to this, I admit) normalizing porn to the world and helping me to discover my everlasting lust for boobies and pussies (and thus masturbation), I say, Thanks, Mr. Hefner.  I say this in all seriousness; with the exception of those in my family and my high school counselor, you were the most influential man in my life.  I will miss you, as will every heterosexual male in the world.

RIP, Hef.

Addendum To: Why I Am Not Watching This World Series Either

OK, I'm a liar; I did watch Game 7 of the World Series last night.  Actually I listened to it on the radio; for some reason I think Joe Buck coasts on relaying easy information in baseball broadcasts and it's gotten to the point where I want the radio announcer (in this case Dan Shulman of ESPN Radio) to be the only authority to give me the whole picture.  But I had to turn to the TV for the final out of the game.

And what a game it was, I must admit.  I thought Cleveland was done for, especially since their three best pitchers (Corey Kluber, Andrew Miller and Cody Allen) had nothing that game.  But it turns out that with the exception of Jon Lester, neither did the Cubs pitching.  And once Rajai Davis was able to deposit that low-liner into Left Field off of Aroldis Chapman to tie the game up, I gave up on my ennui and started loving baseball again.  At that point the winner deserved to win.  And it was the Cubbies, whose lineup once again flexed its muscle when it mattered the most.

So I know that Cubs fans are going to be as douchey as Red Sox fans now are after they broke their curse and won the World Series in, like, eight decades.  They have shed their "lovable loser" image and turned into what they once despised (and guys like me still despise) just so they can finally say, after 108 years, that they're champions.  Good for them, I guess.

But, I have a lot of friends, real and Facebook, that are Cubbies fans.  That includes at least two Playmates, a College Girl who posed in Playboy, and another hot model babe that I'll never meet.  I am happy for them, even if I'm not completely happy.  So, you know, yay.