Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2026

A baker's dozen this month, and while I will only point out three (still way too many Hooters women being told to put on a crop top over a bikini top to my liking), those three are way, way above most servers I have pointed out in months past.  In fact, my #1 here may be an all-timer.

In third place is Kianna, coming out of Roswell, Ga.  She is sporting both wavy brown hair and a tiger print two-piece.  She is just about standing straight at the camera, and she's doing that thing where she's pulling up her bikini bottom.  But the most striking thing about her are her impressive abs.  I ... would consent to her do things to me because of her abs.

In second place is, um, Kiana (only one "n"), hailing from Odessa, Fla.  Straight black hair, she is pictured in a pink and deep purple floral two-piece bikini print.  She is sitting poolside, and posing with her right side toward the camera.  She also is slightly pulling her right bikini top.  Not the best pose, but posing almost perpendicular to the camera means we get a shot of her ass ... kinda.  OK, maybe a peep.  See, I can see a smidgen of the top part of the back of her bikini bottom, and from little I can see, it's, well, little enough that I believe that, if we saw her whole ass, we would be able to see, maybe, 80-5% of her ass.  But I'm just extrapolating.  I can't see it.  Now, you may remember that I once had an overriding rule that any Hooters waitress that shows off her ass floats to the top of my list.  You may also remember that I have modified that rule whereby that only holds true if I can actually see that bare ass.  I might be splitting the baby here.  Frankly, I might be giving her too much of the benefit of the doubt.  But the extrapolation alone is enough for me to put her, and her picture, in second place.

In first place is The Main Girl, Camila, of Tucson, Ariz.  She has straight brown hair, and in this photo, it's wet and slicked back.  She's wearing a black two-piece with a sporty bikini top.  She's posing in or next to a shed with a surfboard behind her, and she's grabbing at what looks like an orange on a shelf with another orange just behind the orange she's grabbing at.  It's a weird setting.  But she's posing with her right side at the camera, she's grabbing her bikini bottom with her right hand ... and she's swung her ass enough to the camera that you can clearly see she's wearing a thong.  Her really fine ass is mostly pointing to the left, but you can clearly see both cheeks, and nearly all of her ass is exposed for the world to see.  Goddamn, she's making me hard now. I've been staring at it all month.  I want to take out my hard cock and lance that ass.  Add her come-hither look, and this probably is The Best Picture Of The Hooters Calendar 2026.

So congratulations to Camila, and to the other two girls of September 2026.  I will masturbate furtively to all of you soon.  (Considering how much I love the best picture, why haven't I done it yet?)

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: August 2026

A good, solid month.  Of the dozen women posing here, I will point out half of them.  I notice that five of the six I will not point out are wearing tops on top of their bikini tops, and the sixth is wearing a boring one-piece swimsuit.  I don't think that's become an automatic "thing" for me to judge these servers on ... but maybe it is.

In sixth place is Monique, of Albuquerque West, N.M. (is that a city?).  Long, black hair that reaches down to her hips, she's wearing a two-piece bikini that is colored in baby blue and bordered in white.  Nothing remarkable about her pose (well, beyond the fact that her right hand might be clutching onto, um, fireplace pokers), but she's standing straight and almost directly facing the camera.  She's got a bam! body.

In fifth place is Orlando's Ashlyn, whom I swear I've seen before in previous calendars.  Straight, dark brown hair that cascades to her hips, she's sporting a baby blue two-piece.  She is standing up and just a canter from directly facing the camera.  (In that sense, she's a mirror image of Monique; while Monique is slightly twisted to her right, Orlando is twisted to her left.)  Her hitching up the sides of her bikini bottom elevates her a tad.

In fourth place is Ava, hailing from Ontario, Calif.  Straight, dark brown hair that go down to the bottom of her tits, she's wearing a purple two-piece bikini that gets to the bottom of her titties.  She's leaning against a stood-up, girthy bamboo pole (never seen anything like that before), so her left arm is nowhere to be seen.  But her body is facing directly at us, and she's showing off her nice bod and porcelain skin.

In third place is Jess, working out of, ooh, Newcastle, England.  Stringy black hair that gets to her breasts, she is wearing a dark and patterned two-piece.  Nothing quite stands out about her, either; she's got a good body, but her boobs are on the petite side.  But she is facing the cam, and she does the thumb-under-her-bikini top thing that gives her a nonchalant aura in her photo.

In second place is Brittany, from Portage, Ind.  Wavy black hair, she's wearing a two-piece bikini that looks like it's made out of a doily.  She's kind of big compared to other Hooters waitresses you see in the calendar, but she is by no means obese.  Better than that, she is wearing a Hooters baseball jersey that is wide open, showing said doily bikini underneath.  It makes me want to think she unbuttoned her jersey right in front of me.  Oh, and she's tugging the front string between her two bikini tits.

Finally, in first place is Zakyla, out of Clearwater, Fla.  Everything about her is exotic.  Her hair is black at the roots, but died blonde at the ends.  Also, some strands of her hair (which extend all the way down below her hips!) are messily kinked, and some are in cornrows.  What's best on her, however, is her two-piece, which looks like it's made out of yellow surgical masks.  Her top is a bandeau, so that bikini top is quite skimpy -- the "masks" cover just enough of her knockers.  Oh, and she's dug both of her thumbs underneath her bikini top -- fap-fap-fap!!!

So, congratulations to Zakyla, and to all the other Hooters girls I've pointed out here.  I've already masturbated to them, but Aug. '26 is so good, I wouldn't mind jerking myself to this month again!!!

I've been fantasizing over Dian Parkinson for a long time -- you know, that Barker's Beauty from the OG The Price Is Right, the real, real hot one.  I say this even though another of the Barker's Beauties, Janice Pennington is a Playboy Playmate, and she is gorgeous as well.  But whereas Pennington posed before TPIR, Parkinson posed after -- twice.  First time, in 1991, she flashed her tits.  In 1993, however, she surrendered the pink and finally showed her pussy, too!!!  I had fantasized about Parkinson the most, so seeing her in her birthday suit twice was a dream come true.  I saw her two spreads just now and pleasured myself.

She's 81 now, and definitely doesn't look how she did when on TV or in Playboy.  I don't care; if she is still of sound mind, and if she said yes, I would be honored, blessed even, to lay pipe into her.  That would be so, so nice!

"I Surprised Myself"

I feel like I want to go into detail about what ******a did to me two massages ago.

So this was the second time she rubbed me down.  (As of right now, she's rubbed me down thrice.)  The first time was chaste.  Sure, I was naked.  I wasn't under a blanket, but she didn't touch me sexually, and I had no expectation that she would.  Hell, I was just glad that she would come to my house and give me a massage.  If all she did from that point on was look at me naked and give me a proper massage, I would have been more than happy.  After all, she does give a great massage, and she's cheaper.

Now, that doesn't mean I wasn't hoping for more, and being the scamp that I am, I tried.  And, glory be, things changed, happily.

So this second time she came over, she said that she was in a rush.  She had just dropped off family (!!!) when she saw me, so she had no room to put in the massage table on which I got rubbed down by ******a the first time we did this.  So, she rubbed me down this time on the bed -- a place where, during this first massage, we thought about moving to the next time we did this, both for the space (I was given a queen by my folks -- still too fucking high for my taste, but whatever) and the sturdiness.

Nothing at the start of the massage to indicate that this was going to go from legitimate to, um, illegitimate.  I started face down and ******a rubbed and then smacked my ass.  That was nice, but she did that the first time.  When I say that I was leading her to hoping she would "do more," I meant that when I was face down, I moved my dick so that it was pointed towards my legs.  Also, I spread my legs just a big apart, so she would have seen my blood-engorged prick while she was moving her hands around there.  She did glide her hands down to my schlong and my balls, but it was just a glance.  Again, I would take that, and I didn't expect more.

But!  After I went face up and ******a massaged my chest, arms, and legs (she is good and proper when rubbed me down for real, by the way), she said, "Now I'm going to go reverse cowgirl on you!"  She turned her back to me and sat down right between my stomach and abdomen.  Hey now!  She then spread her bottle of coconut oil over my pelvis, including a stream right across my peen.  ******a then started massaging around my hips, then moved onto my pelvis, then moved onto my pubes ... and before I know it, she started knocking into my cock, like she was trying to grab onto something and it was in the way.

******a did this "accidental" touching for several seconds.  Then she started massaging my balls -- not knocking into them, and not really massaging them, but moving her hand up and down on them, like hs was scrubbing my testicles.  And then she began rubbing around the base of my penis -- not my wang itself, but right around it.  She wasn't saying anything while she did any of that, but I started to get the idea that she knew what she was doing, and she wanted me to know that she knew what she was doing.  

I had ejaculated the day before, either on my own or with the help of another of my stripper girlfriends, I don't remember right now.  When that happens, I usually can't cum the next day because I am an old man.  And I certainly wasn't banking on "saving" my nut for ******a.  But when you get surprised by ecstasy offered by a beautiful woman whom you've wanted to be sexual with for decades, well, I had no choice but to respond to all this friction by getting hard, as erect as I've been in a long, long time.

******a got off of me and laid beside me.  I started moaning -- "oh ... oh!" like I was afraid of what was about to happen, even though I wanted it to happen for so, so long.  She went back to working my sack, and she said, "Oh, so smooth!" and that sounded like the kindest compliment I had ever heard.  Finally, the teasing was over and the jerking off began: ******a started wanking me, hard.  I was such putty in her hands and I asked her to jerk me off harder and faster, something I rarely ask a stripper to do, but I was in the thralls of her vicious hand lovin'.  Finally, I nutted, the sweet release that is the end point of my first time ever laying eyes on her at the club, all those years ago.  And yes, I moaned in ecstasy.

This was a surprise, so I asked ******a to open my closet door and give me my jerk-off towel.  She had to run to the bathroom to wipe up.  And when we both cleaned up, well, there was still time left in our session, so she went back to massaging me straight up.  It was weird, but it wasn't as if we didn't act like what happened didn't happen.  But we didn't really even talk about until she was leaving.  I thanked her for turning me out, and she said, "Yeah, I surprised myself!"  That's surprising to hear!  After the last time she made me nut -- a second time, the last time she's visited me at home -- I thanked her again, and she again said she surprised herself.  Wow ... she was just dropping by to give me a massage, but passion just took ahold of her and she had no choice but to give me an HJ?!  I'm so blessed!!!

I love ******a, and I hope our relationship is reaching a new level.  But my teenage dream of a stripper who's not supposed to do shit with me doing shit to me ... it's come true!

Keep having things I need to do, yet I still don't do them.  Then they pile up to the point where I have to do something, but then I'm so tired at night that I have to resort to masturbation in order to catch a second wind to do one of the things, namely send out an e-mail.  Shouldn't have to be this way, but by doing that just now, I can finally get around to reconciling my monthly expense list for July ... tonight/Wednesday night.  Well, maybe I'll do it tomorrow/Thursday night ... or Friday night.  Ugh, I'm procrastinating.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: July 2026

A pretty simple month: Only two of the dozen can I recommend.  I'm not quite ready to say this is a disappointing month, though, and I don't know why.  There are just ... two of them that catch my eye.

In second place is The Main Girl, Gracie, out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  Sporting a light blue two-piece bikini, she is shot seemingly on the ocean, what with the way the Sun glints off the back of her long, straight hair.  She may be posed at a quarter-turn, but she's got a nice body, and her (light brown?  Hazel?) eyes are quite striking.

And in first place is Brittany, from Albuquerque, N. M.  Long, curly black hair (that's something you don't see often in the calendar), she is wearing a white, Hooters-branded two-piece.  The hat's a nice touch.  That she's posing straight at the camera is even better.  Best of all are her big, fake titties.  Nummy!!!

So congratulations to Brittany and to Gracie!  Have I masturbated to them yet?  Maybe not ... nah, I think I already did, at a time when I was desperate to.

Addendum To: Where The Fuck Is She?

So I texted ****e* around 2.  She texted around 2:15 she'll be there in half an hour.  She suggested I leave with the door unlocked so she can just go in and start cleaning.  I thought about that, especially when she said she was taking at shit at a quarter to 3, but I decided to wait because she lives about 40 minutes away.

But then it's 3:30, and I haven't seen her and I haven't heard from her.  I asked for an ETA.  She says she's 27 minutes away.  So at 3:45 I really did say fuck this, shut the door but kept it unlocked, and just fuckin' left for Clear Lake.  ****e* said she would've gotten there earlier if she had known I was going down to Iowa, but I thought I made that clear when she initially postponed on Thursday.

Whatever.  I checked in with her at a gas station at 4:15.  I said my piece about the mix-up and that was that.  ****e* said she got there at 4.  Going to the The Day The Music Died Memorial took a lot longer than I thought, three hours as opposed to two.  And I don't like gravel roads, and I hated the humidity while I walked from the parking lot to the gravesite.  But I got there, a shrine embedded right in the middle of a cornfield.  Wish I could've stayed longer, but it was hot and it was getting late.

The nearest gas station to the memorial had 88 gas for $2.78-9/gal., 12-3 cents cheaper than I can get it here.  Still had to gas up before dropping off the rental (and by the way, I wanted to pre-pay so I could send the car back as close to the full line without going over, so I could save myself some money.  But six bucks brought me up short, goddammit, so I had to put my credit card to make sure it did go past the full line).  Anyway, after eating at Taco Bell and freaking out because one of the water leak pucks went off, I finally got home to see ****e* cleaning away.  (I think a hose in the boiler room overflowed because she was using hot water to wash out the kitchen sink.  Is that normal?)  And, per usual, she left everything spotless.  There were marks in the upstairs toilet I couldn't rub out, but she did.  Finally, she let me touch and even bite into her new tits.  She stopped me when I dropped my pants to start touching myself to her, though.  Oh, well.  Can't win them all.  And she's one hell of a cleaning lady, so I will once again tolerate her aloofness and tardiness next time.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: June 2026

A very, very good month.  This month largely ditches the tanktop-with-bikini-top disappointment (I make one prime exception) and just has women in bikinis, the way God intended.  And of the ten this month, there are seven bomb-ass women I want to point out.  That might be a record!

In seventh place is Carlie, who has long brown hair that almost reaches her waist.  She is wearing a blue two-piece (and her bikini bottoms have squiggly ties).  She's posing next to a running shower, which kind of sucks because the water and her hands cupping the water coming out of the shower obscures what appears to be a solid body.  Mostly, though, I am listing her because she works out of Fairview Heights, Ill., a place I've been to a few times.  If I ever get the courage to vacation down in the St. Louis area any time this year, I'll go down and try and get an autograph from her.

In sixth place is Kate, hailing from Albuquerque, N.M.  Black hair and a turquoise two-piece bikini.  Not digging her posing at a 45-degree angle to the camera, and her smile is, uh, not a smile.  But she is tugging on the piece of bikini between her tits, and that always turns me on.

In fifth place is Toronto's Sara.  Blonde sporting a deep blue two-piece, she's acting like she's pulling the tie in front of her bikini top.  Have to note that her figure is more alike your normal woman not your typical Hooters waitress.  And that's something to note, and to encourage.  She may have a fuller figure, but she's still a babe, and I think it's brave of her to pose for the Hooters swimsuit calendar because she had to know that it is unconventional for someone who looks like her to appear here.

In fourth place is Mikayla, out of Pelham, Ala.  Pure blonde whose wavy hair reaches below her breasts, she is wearing a black two-piece bikini.  Her whole package is great.  But what is most beguiling about her is her toothy smile.  It's kind of really sexy, you know?

In third place is Anna, from Grand Prairie, Tex.  Her blonde hair with dark roots reach all the way down to her hips.  She sports a magenta two-piece with these beads all over.  She's posing at 45 degrees, which ain't all that hot.  But she shows some dynamism by putting her right hand on her head.  Best of all, she's showing underboob; I don't I've ever seen that from a Hooters server in the calendar before.

In second place is Chyna, working out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  This gorgeous beauty with long, straight black hair is laying down on the edge of a lake or sea or ocean.  Don't see much of her boobs, but we get to see a fine shot of her ass in her thong, and that qualifies her automatically for the top spot in this list ...

... or it would if that rule wasn't superseded by my first rule.  But it is.  In first place is Alyse of the gone but never forgotten Mall Of America Hooters, so out of provinciality/tribalism, I have to put her first.  To her aesthetic credit, she is wearing a barebelly Hooters-branded tank top and a lavender bikini bottom, and she looks cute.  Also, I have seen her in person a couple times when I bought calendars at the restaurant (although, ironically, never when she was actually working there), and trust me, the hottie with long and straight light brown hair is a spinner!

So, congratulations to Alyse and all the other hot women for June '26.  No worries -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: May 2026

Ten women this month, I've noticed, and I think I just realized that ten is the fewest number of waitresses I've seen in a month in a Hooter calendar.  Just a thought.

Not a bad month.  But I can only point out three because half of the ten have that stupid t-shirt-over-bikini-top thing I railed against last month.  I have to admit, though, I have made one exception.

I will point out three women.

In third place is Micayla, hailing out of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.  Long black hair that falls below her breasts, she's wearing a pink two-piece.  I note her because she is posing as if she is either climbing out of or into a pool.  And by grabbing the bars on the side of the ladder, she is one of the few servers in this month posing straight at the camera (well, she's a tad off to her right, but I'll count it).  She's got a great body, and in this picture, she's showing it off.

In second place is Atlanta's Gwyn.  She is wearing a t-shirt over a bikini top.  I am making an exception for her for three reasons: 1) She's standing straight at us; 2) she's wearing a straw cowboy hat, and I'm a sucker for a hot chick acting like she's a cowgirl; and 3) she's also wearing jean shorts with a bikini bottom which, like her bikini top, is orange (and BTW, the crop top she's wearing is Hooters-themed.)  I know she's wearing an orange bikini bottom because she's got her jean shorts unzipped and open all the way, revealing said bikini bottom underneath.  That makes it look as if she's undressing, which is only emphasized by my realization that bikini bottoms are really small these days, and that if she weren't grooming down there, we'd be seeing her pussy hair sprout right out of her bottoms.  Yowza!

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Jada, from Destin, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that cascades down to her waist, she is sporting a light pink two-piece bikini.  She is posing to her side toward us -- she's posing inbetween what looks to be curtains -- and it's also not great her right arm is obscuring her stomach.  But she is a stunner -- porcelain skin and light green eyes.  Also, even though we can't see it, I'd bet that she's wearing a bikini bottom that's showing her ass.

So congratulations to Jada and the other two Hooters girls for May 2026.  I will be touching myself to all of you in due time.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2026

I've gotta admit that my enthusiasm for doing these monthly reviews has completely subsided now that the local Hooters has closed.  It's not as if the women I'm reviewing and jerking off to were working at MOA, but I had this ... well, irrational and vicarious feeling that they could.  Now that the closest Hooters is in, I think, Iowa, the servers in this calendar are just pictures to me.  There was literally no chance that I would meet any of these hot babes in person before, but now that there is no Hooters at the Megamall anymore, there is absolutely no chance.

But soldier on I will till the end of 2026.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a trend that I don't like: The crop top.  I like crop tops so long as the Hooters waitress wearing it isn't wearing anything underneath.  This isn't porn, however, so of the five Hooters girls who are wearing bare-belly shirts, four of them obviously  are wearing bikini tops underneath, and I'll just go ahead and assume that the fifth is wearing one, too.  That is way too much clothing for my liking.

There are a dozen servers for this month, and I can point out four of them.

In fourth place is Maddie, out of Loveland, Colo.  Dark blonde wavy hair, she is sporting a two-piece yellow bikini.  She's got a nice figure, but the things that place her on this list are her smile and the fact that she's wearing a cowboy hat with the Hooters logo.  Yep, that's enough for me.

In third place is Alyssa, from Newark, Del.  Long black hair, she's wearing a two-piece that is light purple/lavender in the important spots and are connecting with lime green string.  She's smirking.  With her left hand she's tugging down at at the middle of her bikini top.  And with her right hand she's placing/fake-tugging the knot that's holding up her bikini bottom.  It's all intimation, but yep, that's also enough for me.

In second place is Taylor, hailing out of O'Hare, Ill.  (Not O'Hare Airport, but the city of O'Hare, which I didn't know until now is a city in Illinois.)  The brunette is wearing a patterned two-piece bikini.  While she's tugging at the middle of her top, she's pursing her lips, and honestly, what I like about her is that she gives off a tomboy vibe.  She certainly doesn't look like a Hooters girl.  That makes her more real, and more approachable.

Finally, in first place is Anna.  The server with very long black hair (it goes all the way down to her hips, in fact) and deep and glistening black skin is sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's first because she is one of the few women from the now-dead Hooters at The Mall Of America I've seen in these calendars.  And, I was lucky enough for her to sign this calendar, right on her own picture.

Now that I've written my thoughts down, I realize that I spotlight all four because of technicalities.  Sadly, that is the nature of a very blah month that is further weighed down because most of the women are wearing too much clothing.  But don't worry -- I have already pleasured myself to this month.  Congratulations to Anna and the rest, and I hope Anna has found new and gainful employment.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: March 2026

I have to admit that since the last Hooters in the state closed a few weeks ago, I haven't looked forward to reviewing the Hooters calendar as much.  It seems kind of pointless to point out which Hooters babes are the hottest when I can't see the real thing at the Mall Of America.  But I am duty-bound by my OCD to do this until the end of the year.  And you know, it's gonna be a bit funny to not do these breastaurant calendar reviews after this year ... unless Twin Peaks moves into the Hooters space, like I'm guessing it could.

Anyway, I have looked at all baker's dozen waitresses, and I'm very, very aroused by this month.  And I'm not saying that just because March is my birthday month.  OK, maybe I am a bit.  As you could probably imagine, because it's the month of St. Patrick's Day, many of the girls here are dressed in green, which happens to be my favorite color (probably because March is my birthday month, also granted).  But with all those caveats, I will list eight Hooters servers who caught my eye.

In eighth place is Erica, hailing out of St. Peters, Mo.  Long blonde hair, in a two-piece green bikini (you know, just to save myself some time and finger strokes, assume the Hooters woman is wearing a two-piece green bikini unless I describe what she's wearing).  Nothing else striking about her, but she's directly facing the camera.  Also, since she works in the St. Louis area, I want to think I would be able to have her sign my calendar if I went down there on vacation -- "if" being the operative word since I don't plan on going anywhere big or far on vacation until this current administration is deposed.

In seventh place is Haley, from Hialeah, Fla.  Long, dark brown (maybe black) hair.  She seems to be sitting between two walls made out of logs.  She's also posed three-quarters to the camera, which deprives us of her whole body.  But she's pulling up the sides of her bikini bottom, plus I just noticed that she has (or seems to have) thick hips.  Don't see that every day on a Hooters girl.

In sixth place is Mia, of Weston, Fla.  Curling, dirty blonde hair reaches down to her small tits.  She's also doing the bottom tug thing.  (Come to think of it, most of the waitresses here are doing that.)  Like I said, she's got a petite body.  She looks 18.  But that youth and innocence -- assuming she's of age! -- is really cute to see serving you wings.

In fifth place is Mia, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Think Zendaya.  With curly dark (probably black, possibly brown) hair, she is not wearing a green bikini.  Instead, she's wearing a light blue/periwinkle two-piece.  She's facing almost directly at the cam.  She's got that vertical slit on her stomach, a sign of a slim, lithe body.  Also, she's tugging a bit on the right side of her bottom down.  Forty years ago, that would mean a glimpse of her pussy hair.

In fourth place is Cass, from Buford, Ga.  Light blonde hair that cascades halfway down her body.  Don't know why in the hell she's holding a life preserver.  But she is sporting a red, one-piece, old-school bikini, and it's slit so low down to her stomach that you get a good shot of her left sideboob.  And with her hair thrown over her right shoulder, she looks absolutely gorgeous.

In third place is Karli, out of North Charleston, S C.  Long, jet black hair.  She's directly facing the camera.  She's not so much tugging her bikini bottom so much as pinching the right side of it with her fingers.  She's wearing a belly chain, ooh-la-la.  And you can tell that her tits are fake, but frankly, those bolt-ons look so good on her, I don't care!

Before I proceed with the top two, I want to remind you again that March is the month of St. Patrick's Day.  St. Patrick obviously is from Ireland, and Ireland is known for its redheads.  Thus, you would figure that Hooters would put redheaded Hooters girls in the calendar for March.  And I am a sucker, if not a whore, for redheads, so the two gingers in March '26 complete this list.  Ironically, though, neither of them are wearing anything green, even though that would make sense for the month.  That green and red would also provide, in my humble opinion, a sexy contrast (or would they be complementary to each other?) that has powered many of my sexual fantasies.

In second place, also hailing out of Mesa, Ariz., is Brittany.  She is knee-deep in a pool.  She mostly has her left side flashing toward the camera, which isn't great, but I see a tiny shot of her bikini bottom, and it's cut enough that I think I would see at least half of her ass.  She too throws her long hair over her right shoulder, and that combination, plus her slight grin, makes for an unstoppable picture.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Emma, from ... oh, what a coinky-dink, she's from Mesa, Ariz., too!!!  She is wearing a black, cut-through Hooters tank top and black Hooters bikini bottoms, the left side of which she is grabbing.  Most of her right side is facing the photographer, but that means you can see her left sideboob.  You can also tell she is wearing a (presumably Hooters-themed) bikini top, which is a bummer because I would rather not see anything underneath her tank top.  But she is arching her back to emphasize her hot torso.  She looks sexy posing with pursed lips.  And she has thrown her long hair over her left shoulder.  This photograph is just fucking sex personified, not gonna lie.

So congratulations to Emma, and the other seven hot women comprising an excellent March 2026.  And don't worry -- I already jerked off to y'all!!!

Have I Still Got My Libido At 50?

So after our volunteering event we hung out at a nearby restaurant to watch our alma mater play in the tournament.  And swear to God, there were so many hot women there with bazoombas underneath tight shirts (with bras, boo) that you know were so big they would go "Blammo!" as soon as they were unleashed.  And it probably was the one-off 75-80-degree weather that day that encouraged these hotties to look their hottest.  Damn!

I think I touched myself three out of the last four days.  Probably the aftereffects of feeling hot and horny for the first time on Saturday.  But it also might be me trying to hang onto my youth by convincing myself I could still get it up and unleash my splooge by jerking off as much as I could.  That might also be the reason I am going to try and see ****e this weekend ... or, it might be that I really, truly want to fuck her.

Oh, and there was the hot young thing (but old enough to be legal, trust me!) at Culver's, where I decided to spend money yesterday/Wednesday when I planned on not spending money yesterday/Wednesday, thinking that it's probably the best way to spread out all the free food birthday offers that are about to expire.  Glad I changed my mind, because this blonde was well built, had a huge chest, and wore a tight wifebeater that still showed off her gorgeous belly.  I think I got hard.

Yep, I think I still have a libido at age 50!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: January 2026

Almost the first full month where I have the Hooters calendar back up on my wall so I can see it every day.  So I think I can say with some authority that ... this may be one of the worst months I have ever seen.  Again, I'm not saying that all the servers for this month or ghastly to look at.  But I can only pick out two of the dozen women here for special recognition, and frankly, the babe in second I am pointing out based on a guess.  The other pictures don't do anything for me, sorry to say.

The waitress in second place is Madison, from Weston, Fla.  Wavy dark blonde hair that ends at the bottom of her chest.  Her attire makes her look like a company girl.  She has orange bikini bottoms and is wearing a black Hooters crop top. It's the kind I used to see on Hooters women way back in the day, where it cuts off high on the waist so it shows off the Hooters girl's midriff.  That would be sexy as fuck to see in the restaurant, but for swimwear it looks a bit overdressed.  I am taking it on faith, however, that she is not wearing anything underneath the crop, which kind of makes up for size of the top.

And in first place is Emily, of Hampton, Va.  Wavyer dark blonde hair that reaches belly height, she is wearing a black-and-yellow two-piece.  Posing almost fully at the camera, she places her left hand against a stood-up surfboard while her right hand pulls up on her bikini bottom.  She's got a nice body, and I love her wide smile.  She's fucking gorgeous.

And, that's it.  So congratulations to Emily for winning.  And no worries -- I have already masturbated to these two!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: December 2025

Pretty good.  Maybe even great, now that I think about it.  Out of the dozen waitresses for this month, I will single out five of them for notable beauty, and I'm not reaching or being charitable about that number.

In fifth place is Natalia, hailing from Doral, Fla.  Straight black hair, wearing a very light pink two-piece.  She is posing with her right side to the camera and is sticking her ass up against ... something.  It's the ass that qualifies her for this list: Even though we could only see it from the side, from the little top of the bikini bottom I can see, I can confidently conclude that she is wearing a bikini bottom that exposes a lot of her (what I presume to be) nice ass.  Can I see it?  No.  But I think she's wearing something risque, so I am putting her here in fifth.  For a Hooters woman really showing ass, read all the way to the bottom.

In fourth place is The Main Girl, Sara, out of Daytona Beach, Fla.  Blonde hair parted in the middle, falling just below her breasts.  She is leaning up against ... uh, wood of some kind, and she throws her left arm above her head.  At three-quarters angle she sports a nice body.  Her smile and face are also nice.  What I like best is her two-piece bikini, a lively and very detailed one, with chains and jewelry festooning both its top and bottom.  Haven't seen a bikini quite like that in the calendar ever.

In third place is Selena, from Pembroke Pines, Fla.  Not a fan of her holding her left arm in front of her because it obscures her stomach.  Otherwise, there are a couple unique things I really like about this babe.  For one, you don't see Hooters girls with curly hair, like you see from this brunette.  For two, while the top of her white (or is it very faint pink?) two-piece is a banded one so you don't see cleavage or a whole lot of her tits, both the top and bottoms are decorated with balls attached by short pieces of string.  This is another bikini the likes of which I haven't seen before in this calendar.  And oh yeah -- her smile beams!

In second place is Mckenzie, hailing from Weston, Fla.  Dark brown hair that lands on her shoulders, she is wearing a hot pink two-piece bikini where the top looks like a vest.  It is pressed so tightly against her boobs that it's created cleavage deeper than the Little Colorado River Gorge.  Add that she's looking like she's pulling down on the almost-completely-open zipper holding the vest top together, this is a winning look.  And oh yeah -- her smile is also radiant!

Finally, in first place is Orlando's Alyssa.  Deep brown hair that gets down to the middle of her back, she is sporting a solid red two-piece.  She seems to be posed like she's manning the wheel of a speedboat.  Not a fan of her posing with her right side towards us.  In fact, if you want to get technical, she is posing a bit away from the camera.  However, that pose gives us a good peek at her bikini bottom, and you can clearly see that bottom is cut to show off 75-80% her soft ass.

So, congratulations to Alyssa and all the other fine honeys for December 2025.  This was a really good end to the calendar.  And oh yeah -- I jerked off to these lovely ladies tonight just before I did this!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: November 2025

Gosh, I am so, so late to do this one.  I just wanted to wait till my parents were out of the house, but maybe I should've done this in December anyway.

Maybe I could've used more time looking at this month on my wall, but of the dozen servers for this month, I will single out only three of them in what is a below-average month.

In third place is The Main Girl, Chicago's Alyssa.  Dark brown hair that ends at the bottom of her breasts, I like best her light pink two-piece bikini, which looks as though it's been knitted.  Her Mona Lisa smile and figure (she's just standing and completely facing the camera) are pretty good, too.

In second place is Riley, from Sarasota, Fla.  She also has dark brown hair, though it ends just a tad above the bottom of her boobs.  She is posing at an angle, but she's also tugging up the bottoms of her hot pink two-piece, which I like, as if, if I get to look real close, I can see her pussy.  I really like her slight grin as well.

Finally, in first place is Gracie, out of Brandon, Fla.  Also dark brown hair, but hers stops below the shoulders.  Standing straight at the camera, she fits her left thumb through the ring that connects the bottoms to the tops of what becomes a black one-piece bikini.  The top is more like an athletic top, not like what you expect from a traditional bikini top, so don't get to see too much titty or cleavage.  But the open hole of her bikini exposes her slim tummy, and that's nice.  Also, she shifts her body weight to her right leg, so that "S" bend gives her figure a sexy shape.  Finally, she gives a devastating Mona Lisa smile.

So, congratulations to Gracie and to the others whom I've talked about.  If I am still a free man and get home tonight/Friday night, I might have time to touch myself to all of you!

Oh, Just Leave Me And My Shit Alone

You know, giving me tea is OK, especially if it's sweet as the lemon-flavored one Father's given me a couple times over the past couple weeks.  But he gave the tea to me because he thought I was coughing too much.  The first time yes, the second time no.

And yes, I have thought from time to time that I could use a light cord in my closet so I could actually look through my clothing.  I didn't ask My Fucking Father for one.  Now I know that he went through my closet.  Why the fuck would he be going through my closet?  He would not know at all that I can't light the light in my closet without opening it and going through my shit.  So that scares the fucking daylights out of me.  I can't shove my cum towel in there anymore because one day, he'll see fit to look through my closet just because he has fuck all to do and see my cum towel.

All these two motherfuckers have done is break every boundary I have and done things within my circle of privacy that is up to me alone.  This goes beyond meaning well.  This is them thinking they can do whatever they want with me and my stuff because they have no respect for me.  I guess I could punch them, but they'll be leaving soon, so maybe I'll just say good riddance to their meddling asses.

(And yes, I take back all the good things I said about them in this blog post.  For now.)

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: October 2025

It's almost the end of November and I haven't had time to research October.  But, even with a quick glance, I find this month to be quite underwhelming.  I might call it The Worst Month In Hooters Calendar History, but that wouldn't be fair because if this is not the first time I perused the month, I don't remember it.

There are only ten girls this month, and I will single out four of them.  The top two are on top based on a technicality I should revisit.  Without further ado:

In fourth place is Anna, out of Grand Prairie, Tex.  Pure blonde whose hair reaches down to her belly button, she is sporting a deep blue two-piece bikini.  Her top hides her small boobs, but I love her posing with her left wrist on top of her head while she is leaning against a wall.  Her bikini bottom is tied up with what looks like 70 feet of string, what with how it's tying up her bikini bottom.  But that hair, man, that hair ...

In third place is Anastasia, hailing from North Arlington, Tex.  She is wearing a pink/salmon one-piece that is cut out on one side, if that makes any sense.  But she has very light and wavy red hair, and I am a sucker for redheads.  Also, she has a beautiful face.

In second place is Fort Worth's Ruby.  She's wearing either a dark green or black (yeah, maybe I'm weird for not being able to distinguish between those two colors) two-piece bikini, and her wavy brown hair reaches her hips.  She's posed with her left side to the camera.  I don't see her ass, but I can see from the angle of her bikini bottom that she is showing ass while wearing that swimsuit -- not a whole lot, but technically, that's nudity, and so I am ranking her above all others (except one).  I am not seeing her ass, though, I'm mostly projecting, so I might have to rethink or make more exceptions to my "ass = #1" rule.

And that rule applies to the Hooters server in first place, The Main Girl, Chyna, out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  The reason there are only two women this month is because her photo takes up the top half of the month.  She is lying on her front.  She is wearing a black two-piece dotted with white ... somethings or other.  She has piercing light brown eyes, though.  Also, she too looks as though she is exposing her ass from what little of her bikini bottom I can see by the way she is posed.  Moreover, I can say with confidence that she is more ass, and that is why she gets the top spot.

Like I said, I might have to revise my rule so that I need to see a Hooters woman's ass in the picture before I elevate her above everyone else.  Till then, congratulations to Chyna and to the other three women.  I ... might have the time to beat off to y'all, but if I do, it won't be any time soon.  Sorry!

I guess it was inevitable, even though I held out longer than I would have if I were younger.  But dammit, this wave of horniness has enveloped me this weekend, so I have had to surreptitiously rub one out each of the past two nights.  Well, when a man has to, a man has to, I guess.  I just hope I haven't got caught ... and I hope that I have cleaned up everywhere in the bathroom I needed to.  Because if I leave a trace of my, uh, life essence, and if someone sees -- or, worse, feels -- it ... sheesh. ...

If I participated in The Contest on Seinfeld, I want to think I already had won before last night.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2025

For this month, I don't know if a whole month of absorbing it while ensconced on a wall would change my evaluation that this is a below average month.  I think I can point out four of the baker's dozen that festoons Sep. '25.

In fourth place is a dual entry, the twins Holly and Amber out of Kissimmee, Fla.  I must've seen these twins in previous calendars.  Here, the women with light brown hair that impressively cascades down to their waists are wearing white wifebeater tops that have the Hooters logo and are cut off just below the tits, and thin purple bottoms.  They're beautiful, don't get me wrong, but the idea of twins posing in a swimsuit calendar gets them on the board.

In third place is Nikki, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Long, dark black hair, she is wearing a re-dish and yellow (think Starburst) one-piece bikini.  She has pale skin and is smiling only faintly, but she is beautiful, and she stands out for not being your typical-looking Hooters waitress.  She can actually pass as punk or goth, to be honest.  And even though she is posing with her side facing us, she does give us a little side boob.

In second place is Amber, of Melbourne, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that reaches her breasts, she is sporting a deep blue two-piece bikini with an "X" on the top of the fabric covering both tits.  She's quarter-turned towards/away from the camera, but she has a tremendous body and a gorgeous face.  Just flat-out sexy.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Sophie from Madison, Wisc.  Straight-ish blonde hair that finishes just below breast level, she has a simple pink two-piece on.  She is thigh deep in a pool, and even though she is completely dry, she is standing straight at the camera, showing off her delectable bod.  It helps that this is the biggest photograph in the month; that only amplifies her sexiness.  And I've got to say that's impressive that The Main Girl is from the corn-fed climes of Wisconsin!

So congratulations to Sophie and the rest of the best from September 2025.  Do not worry; I have already mastrubated to all of you!