Damn, I almost forgot about doing a blog post today.  Erg ... I want to save this for a lengthier post when I can pour more thought into it.  But I will say that I just remembered to e-mail the only two people who might go out and watch my alma mater's football Game at our regular bar.  Otherwise, it's kind of a shitshow that is still giving me anxiety for Saturday.

But I am going to a jazz club now.  Hopefully I'll be able to forget my troubles.

Addendum To: Gas Follies

Oh yeah, so I made it to the gas station before work.  Car got there, no problem, no stalling or anything.  I gas up ... and it stopped at 8.4 gallons.  My tank (supposedly) holds 10.6.  You're telling me that I lose all 20 bars and that low gas indicator light goes on when I have 2.2 gallons of gasoline left in my tank??  I could've gone to work, came from work to home, gotten dinner (which I did last/Monday night), then gone to the gas station, and I probably would've been fine.  My fears were unfounded because apparently, my car dashboard is a lie.

Dammit, I knew I freaked myself out.  And because there was so much traffic backed up where I wanted to go, and I didn't want to wait in traffic, I took the side streets and thus was late for work.  And now I figure that I probably didn't have to be late because I probably didn't have to stop for gas in the morning.  So stupid.

Addendum To: Missing: My Hawaiian Shirt

Update: Found it!  It was hidden underneath the pile of clothes next to me in my bedroom.  Knew I would find it!

So now I hope I've woken up early enough to get gasoline, buy lottery tickets, and get to work on time.  Wish me luck!

Gas Follies

You know, I was going to blog post this morning after blog posting at 1 this morning, but then I thought it was too early and I could do it in the evening, and not we're well into the evening.  But I want to put in a second blog post because I was in the house all day, so why wouldn't I blog post twice?  But I want to have eight hours between blog posts, so if I do this now, I won't be able to blog post again till the middle of the night, and I don't want to stay up to do my daily blog post for tomorrow.

I'm blog posting now.

---

So my real point of this blog post.  I have signed up for this gas station application, and as a reward for signing up, I can fill up my tank for 25 cents off for my first five fill-ups (although I have to use them all 90 days after I sign up).  Obviously I need to use this seeing as gas is more than four bucks per gallon right now.  But I want to maximize each fill-up.  This discount is good for up to 25 gallons, I think, and my tank gets only ten, so I'm already not maximizing my discount that way.  But I don't want to just fill up when I'm only half-empty.  So this has become a game whereby I bring down my gas tank as much as possible so that I make as much of my discount as I can.

That has meant that I am driving my car to the point where I have no bars on my gas meter.  I know I shouldn't freak out when I see both that and the orange low gas indicator, but I feel like if I dance with the devil one too many times, it's going to get me.  So it got that low when I was driving last/Saturday night.  (It seems I'm going through gas a lot faster than I'm used to; maybe I'll blog post about that some other time.)  I knew I didn't want to drive anywhere today/Sunday, and also that I will be seeing ******a at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) Tuesday, so I know I will need gas then, so I wanted to thread the needle and gas up after work tomorrow/Monday.  But I needed to last till then, so I went to a gas station to put in just a tad, just a sip, that would be enough for me not to get a heart attack from running out of gas as I drove to and from work tomorrow/Monday.

I thought two bucks was enough.  That's half a gallon, but that should get me at least 15 miles, which should be more than enough.  However, I also was expecting to see one bar pop up on my dashboard.  It didn't, and that freaks me the hell out.

So even though I should hold my piss, the plan is to go to the gas station in the morning, before work.  I might as well use the time to get lottery tickets for Father, too, and shoot, I'll get coffee for myself as well.  This is all assuming I will want to get out of the house with enough time so that I can do all this and not be late for work, but that might be a tall order.

Maybe I'm just freaking myself out over running out of gas.  Or, I'm going to stall out tomorrow.

Spit On My Scarf

I was going to the the MNUFC Match yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  I still love autumn, but the colder weather is stuffing up my nose, and so I am spitting up more often.  I know it's a bad-looking habit, but I still spit on the ground, and I really had to spit because my nose was all stuffed up.

I found a sewer grate (I try and aim my spit through the grates; I usually fail) and was about to spit.  I still love autumn, but I notice that it often gets windy this season.  So I spit onto the grate just as the wind picks up and picks up one end of the scarf I was wearing, and goddammit, I spit onto my scarf.  First time I've ever done that.

I tried dabbing it with tissues and towels, but I now have to clean it to get my spit out, ick.  And that means I need to figure out if I can machine-wash the scarf.  If not, I'll have to learn how to hand-wash these things.  I want to start cleaning my ballcaps, so I'm glad that I just bought a stain brush and a mesh bag for laundry in case that's the only way I should clean my scarf.  Right now, I feel an intense urge to wash that thing to get the spit out of it, but I wonder if that urge will dissipate after those items are delivered.  Regardless -- fucking itck, spit on my scarf. ...  Shit, why didn't I hold the ends of my scarf down to make sure I don't spit onto it?!

Would You Go To A Concert For Just One Song?

Have I talked about going to concerts to see an artist or band only because I want to hear that one song I like from him/her/them?  I'm doing it tonight/Saturday night for Digable Planets, whose "Rebirth of Slick (Cool Like Dat)" remains one of the most distinctive rap hits ever.  But like many artists/bands I'm framing in this argument, that's the only song I like.  In fact, with Digable Planets, it's the only song I know.

Yet is it worth it, under those circumstances, to pay $60 for a ticket -- just to hear that one song you love played live?  Obviously, since I bought the ticket, the answer, at least for right now, is yes.  Because I have said no to other artists because the price was too high -- Steve Lacy ("Playground," which, according to Setlist.fm, he's not playing in his shows) recently, and Cowboy Junkies (their legendary cover of "Sweet Jane," although "Common Disaster" is also a very good song of theirs) last year I think.  I can justify sixty bucks for one song, and who knows, maybe this is a way to get into their other songs, too.

So I'm going.  My college football team's first bye Week, and I am spending the evening going out instead of staying in and watching sports.  Oh, well.

Black Used Toothpaste, Ick

I was having trouble finding something quick to blog post about, and then I remembered I wanted to talk about something that happened to me last week.

Last week I brushed my teeth.  Admittedly, it had been some time since the last time I brushed my teeth up to that point.  When I spat out the toothpaste, it was, I kid you not, black.  Maybe not pitch black, but it was noticeably dark, man, so dark that I stared at spent toothpaste more than you usually would.  Then and there, I resolved to brush my teeth more.

And then I broke that promise to myself because I don't think I've brushed my teeth with any more frequency than I did before.

I brushed my teeth just now.  However, what I spat out wasn't anywhere close be being black, thank God.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  Another impressive defensive and special teams outing Sunday to defeat the Saints in New Orleans ... and this time, there is enough offensive firepower -- mostly thanks to the arm and legs of Kyler Murray and the continued rugged running by Aaron Jones, Sr. -- to make me believe there can be balance with this team.  And they remain undefeated at 5-0, so I think they've earned the right to be above negative numbers.

There are two other undefeated clubs, The Bastard Dallas Texans (who did not play last weekend and so they're 4-0) and San Francisco.  The 49ers and Vikings are slated to play in Week 11.  It's a Sunday Night Football Game.  And it'll be played in Mexico City.  If they can remain undefeated till then, damn, watch out.  In the meantime, they're enjoying their bye Week; they'll host The Bastard Baltimore Colts on the 25th.

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  Road victories are always good, and this team got a pair over middling Rutgers Friday evening and Ohio St. Sunday afternoon.  However, they dropped a Set to the Scarlet Knights.  Gopher clubs in the past would've made this two sweeps.  An armchair bracketologist has the U. pegged as a seven-Seed for the NCAAs.

Back-to-back home Games against Michigan and Maryland tomorrow/Friday and Saturday night.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  Swept their East/West Showcase over the weekend -- 4-0 over Maine Friday, 4-2 over in-conference school Bemidji St. Sunday afternoon.  Still, isn't it weird that the Head Coach demands that he has his nickname listed in his bio -- and that his nickname is "Boom?"  Well, "Boom" now gets a chance to test his mettle.  Ohio St., currently the top-ranked team in the nation, comes to town for a pair of contests tomorrow/Friday night and Saturday afternon.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Lost at Tampa Bay, had strong Wins at Florida and home vs. (Las) Vegas, then had a Game at The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers get away from them to a 5-2 score.  I don't have anything else to say about this club beyond that.  The Week is calming down, relatively, with three contests: Home to St. Louis and Columbus, then at Edmonton.

#-4: United FC (Re-Entry!).  I've already told you a way a losing squad can lose my patience is by blowing a lead.  Well, another way to lose my patience (soccer squads only) is to allow Goals when they're down to ten men.

They did the former Saturday night vs. Houston.  They gave up the first Goal in the 18th Minute, but Kelvin Yeboah tied it up in the 48th, then Marcus Caldeira (he's a keeper, and the only Loons player to break through this Year) got them ahead in the 78th ... only for them to cough up two Points in the 92nd fucking Minute.  They still haven't won a league Match at home since May 2.  Then, last/Wednesday night, they were tied at 1 at Colorado when the Rapids' Sayed Abu Farchi, with the help of VAR, was red-carded for slapping Michael Boxall across the face.  (Boxall provoked Farchi into doing it by flipping him over as the two of them were at the sideline fighting for a ball.  Boxy's a dick, but he's our dick ... at least for the rest of the season.)  Conditions were good for MNUFC to get a go-ahead Goal, right?  Nope; the Backline allowed Colorado to score in the 74th to take a 2-1 lead.  But then, ten minutes later, the Match was tied at 2-all.  Note that I didn't say Minnesota United scored.  Instead, the Rapids potted an Own Goal ten Minutes later when Colorado's Loic Williams tried to clear a shot from Yeboah when Yeboah was at the End Line and Williams was in front of his own net; the ball may have had some spin, but Williams muffed it, and the english from the ball scooted it past the Goal Line.  Soccer is a dumb Game, and even though MNUFC did nothing from the Red Card on, they get a Point.

That Point, and the Point they got against Houston, don't fucking matter; they're still next-to-last in the West and are now five Points behind for ninth place.  And they host St. Louis Saturday afternoon.  I couldn't attend the Game against the Dynamo, thank Buddha, but this weekend I have no other plans (well, I could go to a stripper party, but I'll pass), so I'm using the money I've spent and going to this one, and considering how St. Louis City is scoring and winning seemingly at will right now (until last/Wednesday night's scoreless draw at home versus Vancouver in a showdown between The Western Conference's two-best teams, St. Louis had netted at least three Goals in their previous five tilts), this could get very, very ugly very, very quickly.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: 0).  They're not at the bottom of this Week's WMNSS (I had trouble deciding, so I fell back on one Game vs. two), but the most disappointing Loss I've seen in a while has to belong to the U. gridironers losing at moribund Purdue.  The Boilermakers suck, and yet this was an ass-kicking by the tune of 41-13.  They had so much goodwill and momentum after winning at Washington and making the most of Michigan's miscues in reclaiming The Little Brown Jug.  I really thought P. J. Fleck had a program where they wouldn't lose to teams clearly beneath them.  Guess not.  And to completely no-show is just inexplicable.  Is this club's motivation dependent on the opponent?  If so, is hosting Iowa for Floyd Of Rosedale next Saturday (coincidentally, both the Vikings and the Gopher football team have the same bye Week in 2026) going to get their attention?

#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Granted, the XI faced a pair of Top 10 squads this past screening Week, so the damage may not be as bad as I think it is.  Still, they got waxed at second-ranked Michigan St. 4-0 last Thursday and dominated by then-sixth-ranked Ohio St. at Robbie 2-0 Sunday afternoon.  They may still be in the tournament conversation, but it didn't help that they got shut out last Week, so getting right at Wisconsin Sunday afternoon would not be a bad thing.

One Downside To The Fall: Being Late For Work

The leaves are starting to turn around town, and it's gorgeous, obviously.  All the yellows, browns and reds dot the landscape wherever I walk or drive.  Add that yesterday/Tuesday was almost totally a cloudy day and was just above 60, and that is how I want to the weather to be every day for the rest of my days.

I subscribe to Racket, the online Twin Cities alternative created by four writers formerly of City Pages.  A couple weeks ago, as part of their "Friday Open Thread" prompt, they asked readers to rank the seasons.  I think it's unanimous that we all said autumn's #1.  It dawned on me, though, that whenever I've seen a rank of seasons (and I think I've seen more than one would estimate), that rank is published around the fall, meaning that the beautiful colors prompt a ranking of the seasons.  I'm fairly certain of that "coincidence."

For all the pros of the fall, I have noticed an annual drawback -- almost without fail, traffic going to work is so bad compared to the summer that I am routinely late for work.  We lay back in the summertime, but once we get past Labor Day it feels as though the entire state starts to get serious again, so everybody's going to work, and at the same time.  Add to it that the Sun is casting its oppressive rays on east-bound traffic around the time I go to work, and it's a massive challenge to get to work on-time.  I have been tardy a few times the past couple weeks and flat-out late a couple times in that same period.  That includes yesterday/Tuesday morning.  It doesn't help that the cold weather disincentivizes me to bolt out of bed and begin getting dressed.  But yesterday there was a huge car crash that happened right in front of me.  The two-lane I was on is busy that time of day, of course, so it took me several minutes before I found a gap in the traffic so I could get around what I found out was a three-car accident.

This should prompt an adjustment to me getting out of the house.  But like I said, it feels so much better to stay in bed.  Yep, the turndown in temperature is conducive to staying in my pajamas and underneath my sheets.  So, not only does that make it harder for me to get to work on-time, it makes me more likely not to care that I'm not at work on-time.

Should go to bed now.  Maybe getting more sleep will get me up early in the morn.

Addendum To: No One Tells Me Anything

Oh yeah, I wasn't told that someone was going to drop by and plop a new tree in the front yard, either!  I talked to the Head of Forestry for my city (yes, my city has a Head of Forestry) because I was curious as to what kind of species this tree is.  I left a message when I called the city on Friday; I got a return voicemail at work yesterday/Monday, and I left a VM, and he called back.  Before he told me what tree he selected for our residence, he told me that we should've gotten a letter saying that a tree was going to be planted soon.  Nope, I didn't get a letter.  Now, I did get a letter earlier this year saying, albeit after the fact, that they removed the stump from the old tree that they removed around the holidays and that it was our responsibility to water the grass seeds they put in place of the stump (I didn't do that; I might blog post about why some other time).  But like I said, even though the markings of gas and water lines should have tipped me off, the city did not warn me ahead of time that they were planting a tree.

Yep, no one tells me anything.  That makes me scared that my parents will come home, again, and not tell me beforehand.

No One Tells Me Anything

I woke up on my own accord Friday morning anticipating the sprinkler guy to come.  Frankly, I couldn't begin my day off from work until he came over to winterize the system.  I was getting antsy, but I took the time in the morning to water the plants and work on stuff on my computer.  Then, as it got to the late morning, I figured I could give the tree that magically appeared in the front yard that morning some more water beyond what is encased in that plastic bag around the 8' tree.

It was a bit past 11:30, when I put the sprinkler system through its third cycle of watering that tree, that I suddenly heard the doorbell ring followed immediately by banging on the door.  It was the sprinkler guy.  Not of fan of how he announced he was here, but considering he was courteous yet fast, and that he recommended I trade in the old backflow plug for a new one made of brass, I can't complain.  I was on my way half past noon.

The only lingering issue I have is something I have asked the sprinkler company every year I call in and pay for the winterization.  I always ask that the driver call or text me ahead of time.  That way I, at the very least, will be awake for when he comes.  That courtesy isn't always given, and this dude didn't do it either, or else I wouldn't have had the sprinkler system on when he got here.

A bit later in the day I realized that fit a pattern.  The sprinkler guy didn't tell me he was coming before he did, like I asked.  The previous day, the inspector climbed on top of the house even though I told the roofer I was going to come home to open the side door for him.  And of course there's Mother, who told me that the inspector was coming less than one day before.  No one tells me anything, or at least won't tell me anything till the last minute, well past any time I could prepare for it.  And I fucking hate that.  I mean, what the hell is wrong with letting me prepare, goddammit?  (sigh)

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

There is an urban walking street festival series called Open Streets that has held a few events every year for the past several.  One street in one neighborhood is closed down -- no car traffic, just walkers only, and there are food trucks and music and local stores offering their wares.  I've been to these and they're great -- I get to walk while exploring a neighborhood I might not be familiar with.  But mostly due to conflicts, I haven't been to one in a couple years.

I only knew, or remembered, there is an Open Streets event today because someone skeeted it on Bluesky.  It's going on right now as I blog post this.  It's Hennepin Avenue, a place I've been to, though not lately.  And I want to go ... but.  First of all, I planned this to be a no-money day, and if I'm going to do Open Streets, I will buy something to eat.  Second of all, while I love South Minneapolis, I didn't plan on using my good car and drive down there.  Gas is more than four bucks a gallon!  (Thanks, you installed cheat.)  And finally, while I like it, I don't think I've gone to any Open Streets events in the fall because of football.  And the Vikings are playing right now, and they might be good.

So now the pros to going.  It's supposed to be a no-money day, but I did plan on going out -- tonight to the gym.  Is it that big of a leap to go out and enjoy myself?  Also, it's a hot day -- it's already 80 as I type this, and it'll reach the mid-80's before Open Streets ends.  It would make sense to be outside, right?

Well, I doubt I'm going, I'm afraid.  I have leftovers to eat, plus I should wash dishes and, if I have the energy, do the laundry.  I'll go out to work out -- maybe.  And Open Streets, by the way, ends at 5.  If I wanted to put in a solid day at Hennepin Ave., I probably should leave now.  Eh, I'll just watch football instead.

Sorry to answer my subject line.  I didn't think I would decide to stay when I started this blog post.  So I'm going to embed The Clash, OK?

Changing My Whole Day So Some Dude Could Climb On My House

OK, so this blog post is so sprawling I might not be able to gather all my thoughts, so this could go several places.  I just hope to remember what happened when. ...

On Wednesday, after I helped Mother with getting insurance information, she told me that she had arranged for an inspector to look at the roof, siding and gutters ... the next day.  She asked me to unlock the side door (but put the recycling bin behind it -- you know, to keep it "shut") so he and the second roofer we spoke to could inspect everything.  Mother knew I was working then, but thought nothing of having some fucking stranger climb on top of and meander behind our property without me or her or Father being there to see him.  And she said all this shit would happen the next afternoon.

This pissed me off to no end.  But there are two dimensions to my pissed-off-ness.  There is, of course, the idea that I, or she, would let anyone look at our house, our home, our sacred castle, without us there.  What I have just realized, however, that I am a bit more upset that, once again, she has sprung one of her hare-brained ideas on me without telling me, without giving me any time to process it, and without having my say as to whether it's a good idea or not -- again.  She once again just went through on her fucking bullshit flights of fancy, and she just goddamn assumed I'd be OK with it.  I don't care that she felt like I didn't have to do anything more than unlock a door.  If someone sees that door open, I have to deal with that fucker breaking into the house, not her.  But she didn't give a flying shit.

Having to catch this hot potato of news, I (once again) wasn't as clever on my feet as I should have been.  I told her that this was a bad idea, having some guy crawl around the home without me there, and once again, fuckin' A, My Fucking Mother retreated back into defensive mode.  "What do you want to do then?" she asked, without realizing for one goddamn second that this was all my parents' idea.  "I am the one who has to come up with ideas!"  Ideas for what?  Who said that the roof and siding and gutters needed repairing??  She acts like something hard and unavoidable has fallen into her lap when she's the one telling me what the fuck's going on ... and telling me poorly, by the way.

---

Going to bed (well, after going to this volunteer event and then getting an HJ by ******a -- man, did I need that!), I thought I had no choice but to do what she says.  I swore that I had told Mother that I had Friday off, and that was the perfect time for them to come over.  I didn't think when she dropped this fuckin' bomb on me to remind her in case she forgot -- thank Buddha for ******a; she thought saying that to her would be a way to draw boundaries that obviously aren't there right now -- but I figured it was too late.  But I live in this house, and right now, I am the only person who lives in this house.  It does not sit right with me to unlock a door that is always secured when I leave so some stranger can come look, even if everyone else says it's OK, because it's not OK with me.  It doesn't matter that I live in a good neighborhood; I should not and will not leave my house unlocked.

So I woke up and decided that I would ask/tell my boss I have to take an extended lunch break to go home and oversee whatever it is this inspector wants to look at.  I didn't want to do that to my boss, but My Fucking Mother left me with no goddamn choice.  And even though I'm sure My Fucking Mother told the roofer that the side door was not going to be locked, I texted her in the morning that it would be locked and that I would come home to unlock it.  Once again, I have to make room for My Fucking Mother's whims and demands, but now I had some control in how it was going to happen.

---

Or so I thought.  I went home earlier than planned in case the inspector got there early.  And by God, he was there earlier than me.  I went home to see some dude on top of the house with a ladder.  I took umbrage at that, so I parked my car, looked up at him and said, "Who are you?"  He was the inspector, of course, and he was there to look at the roof.  And I think I said some other things that conveyed how upset I was that he was on my house when I wasn't there.

I saw the roofer talking on the phone next to her car parked a ways from in front of my house.  She was talking a mile a minute about our homeowner's policy, but I didn't care about that.  I cared about why in the hell this guy was lording over my house when I told her that I was coming over to oversee everything.  She told me that she just got there and that the inspector was parked.  She said that the inspector thought that he could start his inspection as soon as she (the roofer) got there because he was told that the only person supervising the property would be her.  So, once she got on site, he thought he was good to go, locked side door be damned.  Maybe she should have told him to wait until I got there, but My Fucking Mother apparently got into the middle of this arrangement too and ... ah, fuck it, I don't know what else was said.  There was no need for me to continue to be angry at some guy who didn't seem to deserve it.  He even said that he thought he got the go-ahead as soon as the roofer drove up.  Also, he says that he climbs on roofs all the time without the homeowner or anyone living the house there.  Is that true?  That sounds reckless to me.  Whatever; I opened the side door once I got there, and I saw him, well, inspect and leave.

---

So he's supposed to whip up a report that he's going to give to the insurance company since we (well, Mother) made a claim.  The insurance company will give it to us and, if we want to go ahead with repairs, we can send that report to the roofer.  However, the roofer is now pooh-poohing our chances of justifying any repairs or replacement.  She understands our policy better than we do, and it looks like our deductible is too high and that we don't have enough of the components (?) that would induce the insurance company to pay for most of any repairs.  My Fucking Mother asked me later Thursday evening what to do.  Once again, she's throwing on my lap some lame-brained fantasy she cooked up in her own goddamn head.  I don't know.  Maybe as the person who technically owns the home, maybe I should know.  But right now, I'm still too pissed at my narcissist mommy to set my anger aside and make the most out of her scheme.

But back to my original point.  No harm, no foul on leaving work for more than half an hour; there was such light work that, even if I had a normal half-hour break, there wouldn't have been enough work for me to stay eight hours.  Still, all of this would have gone much smoother if the inspector came Friday.  I was home and the person winterizing the sprinkler system would've been there, too.  Kill two birds with one stone, and I wouldn't have had to impose upon my boss to see through some bullshit idea by My Fucking Mother.  God, she sucks.

Missing: My Hawaiian Shirt

I don't know where my alma mater Hawaiian shirt is and it's really frustrating me.  I know I wore it once, a few weeks ago, but I don't know where it is now.  I would like it to wear it because it is really, really hot right now (above 80 degrees as I type this), so a Hawaiian shirt would be the appropriate thing to wear.  But I don't know where it is, dang it.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2026

A baker's dozen this month, and while I will only point out three (still way too many Hooters women being told to put on a crop top over a bikini top to my liking), those three are way, way above most servers I have pointed out in months past.  In fact, my #1 here may be an all-timer.

In third place is Kianna, coming out of Roswell, Ga.  She is sporting both wavy brown hair and a tiger print two-piece.  She is just about standing straight at the camera, and she's doing that thing where she's pulling up her bikini bottom.  But the most striking thing about her are her impressive abs.  I ... would consent to her do things to me because of her abs.

In second place is, um, Kiana (only one "n"), hailing from Odessa, Fla.  Straight black hair, she is pictured in a pink and deep purple floral two-piece bikini print.  She is sitting poolside, and posing with her right side toward the camera.  She also is slightly pulling her right bikini top.  Not the best pose, but posing almost perpendicular to the camera means we get a shot of her ass ... kinda.  OK, maybe a peep.  See, I can see a smidgen of the top part of the back of her bikini bottom, and from little I can see, it's, well, little enough that I believe that, if we saw her whole ass, we would be able to see, maybe, 80-5% of her ass.  But I'm just extrapolating.  I can't see it.  Now, you may remember that I once had an overriding rule that any Hooters waitress that shows off her ass floats to the top of my list.  You may also remember that I have modified that rule whereby that only holds true if I can actually see that bare ass.  I might be splitting the baby here.  Frankly, I might be giving her too much of the benefit of the doubt.  But the extrapolation alone is enough for me to put her, and her picture, in second place.

In first place is The Main Girl, Camila, of Tucson, Ariz.  She has straight brown hair, and in this photo, it's wet and slicked back.  She's wearing a black two-piece with a sporty bikini top.  She's posing in or next to a shed with a surfboard behind her, and she's grabbing at what looks like an orange on a shelf with another orange just behind the orange she's grabbing at.  It's a weird setting.  But she's posing with her right side at the camera, she's grabbing her bikini bottom with her right hand ... and she's swung her ass enough to the camera that you can clearly see she's wearing a thong.  Her really fine ass is mostly pointing to the left, but you can clearly see both cheeks, and nearly all of her ass is exposed for the world to see.  Goddamn, she's making me hard now. I've been staring at it all month.  I want to take out my hard cock and lance that ass.  Add her come-hither look, and this probably is The Best Picture Of The Hooters Calendar 2026.

So congratulations to Camila, and to the other two girls of September 2026.  I will masturbate furtively to all of you soon.  (Considering how much I love the best picture, why haven't I done it yet?)

I Thought There Were Clever Elves Living In My Front Yard

I'm at home because the water sprinkler person is coming to winterize/close down the sprinkler system for the season.  I got dizzy and therefore went to bed early (at least for me), around 12:30, and I woke up around 5:30 because, in all the drama surrounding the adjuster coming to the house yesterday afternoon (I'll blog post about that, but I thought I was going to blog post about it now), I forgot to turn off my alarm.  Luckily I fell back asleep around, oh, 7 and woke up around 10.

Groggy of course, I go to the bathroom and, of course, I look out to the front yard.  There's a tree.  It's a young one, but it looks about a dozen feet tall.  It's not planted where the previous tree was taken out earlier this year.  But it's there, and I didn't ask for it, and sure as heck no one told me about it.

No one told me about a utility company marking down water and gas lines in my front yard with paint, either, but I saw those over the past couple weeks or so, too.  I didn't have time to check with the city about the painted markings, but now, with a day off and some darn tree in my front yard, it was time.  So I called the city and, yes, they knew about it.  It was their plan to plant the tree, and since it involves digging a hole, the utility had to come out and mark where the gas and water lines are.

Ah, so I see.  One thing that gives me pause, though, and I guess I should have been more cognizant about this when people stepped onto the front yard to remove the old, diseased ash tree.  The person I spoke to at the city said that they can plant (and, theoretically, remove) trees because it's a "boulevard" tree ... and the front yard is city property.  Wait -- my front yard is city property?  So why in the hell am I mowing it half a dozen times a year?  If it's not my property (and I don't know how it could be my property if it's city property), why in the hell isn't the city coming over to mow the lawn?

Feh.  I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons; I asked what kind of tree it is.  I had thought that if we wanted a replacement tree for the front yard, we had to buy it and plant it.  So I had gone down a rabbit hole of trees that are good to plant in our climate, like this page.  I had dreams about what trees I wanted in the front yard, but the city obviously has other plans.  The city's supposed to get back to me.  Hopefully the tree up front is a hardy, Upper Midwest tree and not one that will get emerald ash borer.  

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher football (Last Week: 0).  Urban Meyer noted that these back-to-back Wins by the Gopher footballers may be the most impressive of ... did he say the P. J. Fleck era?  If so, he can't be wrong.  Oh, sure, Michigan has an anemic Offense and, IMHO, that handed the Gophers the victory.  But you have to admit that you would think that previous U. football clubs would lose to the Wolverines.  These guys didn't.  In fact, they came back to defeat Michigan, with the help of 13 Points off a trio of inexplicable Wolverine Turnovers.

I was on the field working the Game Saturday.  Around Halftime it didn't feel as though the Gophers were capable of getting back into it, let alone winning it.  But somehow, they won The Little Brown Jug for the first time since 2014 and won it at home for the first time since 1977.  I could sense that the crowd was ready to storm the field when victory was at hand.  And when it did happen, all I could do is swing around and see the youth of Minnesota jump out of their chairs and bleachers and take to the field.  And all I could think was, "Be young.  Have fun."

And this Saturday they travel to Purdue, who truly sucks.  This probably is going to be an impressive three-Game winning streak the Gophers will have.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I'm sounding like a broken record, but the Vikings' Defense (and Special Teams) is carrying the Offense right now.  That one-sidedness works in beating (barely) a winless Miami Dolphins squad whose Quarterback, Malik Willis, goes 0-for-4 passing on Third Down.  But besides T. J. Hockenson, who had a monster day (13 Catches on 13 Targets for 119 Yards), there is still something painfully wrong on that side of the ball.  And it looks as though that pains Head Coach Kevin O'Connell, who knows his forte needs to start doing their fare share. On the other hand, it's possible the Vikings can beat the Saints in New Orleans Sunday just by kicking Field Goals again, and so they would enter the bye Week a perfect 5-0.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (NEW SEASON!).  Started the season sweeping Bemidji St. at Bemidji.  All well and good, but like I always say, the only Games that matter to this program are the ones vs. Wisconsin and Ohio St., who are now a clear tier (maybe two) better than the U.  How will/could that decrease in stature change now they're under the direction of a Head Coach who insists on putting his nickname in his online bio?  (Seriously, he's listed as "Greg 'Boom' May."  Isn't that ... weird?)

The U. hosts something called The East/West Showcase.  Interesting -- they play Maine at Ridder Friday evening and ... Bemidji St. again Sunday afternoon?!?!  The fuck kind of schedule is this?!?!?!

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  This XI's only meaningful action came Friday, when they dominated Maryland, 4-0.  But they have a herculean task ahead of them this Week.  They visit second-ranked Michigan tonight/Thursday night, and then they host current #6 Ohio St. Sunday afternoon.  It looks like they're playing well enough to get on the good side of the bubble.  They'll get pushed off that bubble if they lose both Matches, of course, but if they can draw or even win one of these ... well. ...

#-4: Wild (NEW SEASON!).  The drama surrounding this anonymous team that many consider a dark horse candidate to win The Stanley Cup is all due to Quinn Hughes, last Year's big acquisition and arguably a Top Ten player in the NHL, beginning the season without signing an extension.  Hughes has been quite coy as to why that's the case.  Meanwhile, fans are shitting bricks wondering if he wants out and, if so, can General Manager Bill Guerin get even 50 cents on the dollar to flip Hughes.  This will be a pain-in-the-ass as long as Hughes doesn't sign.

And yet the Wild won their first two Games of the season, 3-1 in Nashville and then 4-1 in their home opener versus Boston.  But then they blew a two-Goal lead and lost in Overtime to Buffalo.  OK, so the Mild aren't going 84 (?)-0.  But they so far look good considering the Hughes Sword of Damocles and the long-term injury to Defenseman Brock Faber after taking a puck to the face.

Very busy screening Week ahead -- at both Florida schools, then they host (Las) Vegas Monday night, then they travel up north to face The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers.

#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  Swept Northwestern Thursday but lost in four Sets to Wisconsin.  Both Games were at home.  And I can remember not too long ago that the sixth-ranked Badgers would come into the Sports Pavilion and piss down their pants.  Those days are long gone.  They travel to Rutgers and Ohio St. this Week.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (NEW SEASON!).  One of the most storied programs in top-flight men's college hockey started their season getting swept at ranked Michigan Tech.  They were supposed to play Friday, but the ice was so bad that pushed both Matches back to Saturday and Sunday.  Doesn't matter; this is not a promising start for new Head Coach Brett Larson.  They're off for the next Week or so.

#-Infinity: Twins (Re-Entry!).  I'm tired, so all I can say is that, while ownership this season at least tried by trading for some Bullpen arms, the same anonymous fate befell this Year's squad similar to last Year's -- a below .500 Year.  I can't give the Pohlads any credit for saying they tried.  Try harder!!  Succeed, goddammit!!!

The woman who looked at the house Monday texted me at work yesterday saying the claim with the insurance company has been filed.

What does this mean?  I don't know all the ins and outs.  But Mother said, when I spoke to her also on Monday, that if they can get reconstruction on the house going, they'll be flying home to oversee it, probably next month.

Well, on the one hand it sucks that they're not going to just stay away from Minnesota for a whole year even though it's now the coldest time of the year (or at least it should be -- damn you, El Nino).  On the other hand, I don't have time to oversee people re-do the house's roof, siding and gutters.  Plus, this is my parents' idea.  If they want this done, they can come home and watch the house.  In the meantime I need to work ... and then at night go to concerts ... or sporting events (like I did last night -- USMNT beat the Canadians, 1-0!) ... or plays ... or do nothing.

Glad I got that off my chest.

I Am Just Doing This Blog Post To Get Back On Schedule

I'm going to the USMNT-Canada Friendly tonight, so I might be too tired to blog post tonight, so I'm just doing this now.  Alas, I also have a volunteer event tomorrow night, and I might be too tired to blog post once I get back then, but I'll worry about whether I'll have time to blog post tomorrow's blog post tomorrow.  I'm busy and I'm tired, what can I say?

Booty Call Answered

Well, ******a couldn't make it -- crossed wires; she could have stayed in the area, but I didn't know how long I was going to be at work, I realized I could come home at a decent hour and even have the roofer inspect the house, but she was out in the western part of the area -- but I just got money and I wanted to get wanked, so I lit up a solar flare to both *****y first, then ******e.

They both got back to me late.  ******e texted saying she was taking a nap.  That was after *****y got back to me saying she turned her phone off because she was seeing the movie Verity.  I was going to go exercise, but *****y, after checking, made it work, and even though it took a little while for me, she, uh, got me off.  She looked sexy tonight -- tight black dress that hugs her curves and BBL, ponytail, and glasses she kept one while wanking me!

Glad I stayed home!

Another Conflict Preventing Me From Seeing My ATF

My parents now seems hellbent on getting the roof fixed.  Don't know why, but I think tomorrow/Monday, after work, a second person is going to inspect it, and maybe the siding, too.  Look, I don't know the first thing about home insurance, so I'm just going to defer to Father and this roofer and the insurance company (maybe, this is an insurance company after all).  It's yet another thing I've been thrust into "knowing" because Father wants it done.

What I know, and care, about is that it might be cock-blocking me from ******a coming over.  See, this all started late last week, when Mother asked me to call her while I was at work.  Once I got home, I called her, and she told me this second roofer wants to see the roof Saturday morning.  That would've worked until, like, Wednesday, when I picked up a gig at the Gophers football Game.  (Glad I took it, if only to have a great vantage point of the fans storming the field after they beat Michigan at home for the first time since '77.)  Mother gave me the roofer's number to text an alternate day and time.  We agreed on Monday evening, which is a little late considering the time of night the Sun sets nowadays.  But Mother wants this done ASAP, even though I have Friday free.

Once we agreed to Monday, ******a texted me.  She has been busy, plus she is dealing with a bad back that appears to be preventing her from giving me a massage, but out of the blue, she asked me what I was doing ... Monday.  Shit.  I told her what's happening, so right now, I'm going to text her once she's done.  She wasn't totally committing, either, because she doesn't want to come over too late.

There are so many variables to deal with this -- when within the two-hour time period she gave me she can get here, how long she's going to be here, if I can get home earlier than that, etc.  The big wrinkle, in my estimation, is that this roofer is friends with my sister's best friend.  This roofer actually re-did my sister's best friend's roof last year.  In fact, I want to say that my sister's best friend gave Mother the roofer's information.  Well, I think I said this here on WAF before, but my sister's best friend lives down the street from me.  And by the way, the roofer apparently is friends with my sister's best friend.  Now, imagine that once she gets done inspecting the roof, she'll just mosey on down and talk to my sister's best friend for a while.  If they're there talking long enough, maybe they'll notice that someone's dropped by my house for a visit.  And then the roofer (and maybe my sister's best friend -- who knows, maybe she and Mother are besties now) will tell Mother, and then she'll ask, "Who visited you?!?!?!"  Fuck that shit.

So I'm trying to see if the roofer might be able to reschedule.  Mother won't like that she might not come tomorrow/Monday, but I need to get all my muscles worked over (including the one that matters the most, hint-hint), and I want that HE in peace.  Maybe it'll work.  Or, maybe this will be the second time ******a has offered to touch me, only for me to decline because I have plans.  First it was the WNBA Draft (Olivia Miles doesn't look so good now that she was benched for all of the Second Half of Game 2, so me throwing my glasses on the table when she was announced as the pick now seems prescient), and now it's this roof inspection I'm told needs to be done.  Bad timing is so much of my life.

For The First Time In A Long Time, I'm Trying Something New

I will be working a game today, and I will be working as a parabolic microphone holder, or a "parab."  I don't know if you've seen these people holding these clear, curved cups or dishes in front of them, but today, that'll be me.  It is my first time ever being a parab, and it's scaring the hell out of me, but I think that is the definition of "growth," such as it is.

Strange how I got this job.  I've worked this type of production before, but while I knew the company would be in town, they had not said they were hiring until this week, and technically Wednesday, three days before the game.  Then, I was sent an e-mail asking for people who could be parabs and, this is important (at least in my mind), no experience is necessary.  You don't come across opportunities like that too often, especially at my age.  But I wanted to demonstrate I wanted to be a part of this company's production, and the pay is pretty good.  Plus, I need to spread my wings a bit.  I don't work games from the sideline too often, so this will be fun to experience.  Well, until a football player runs into me.  That's what I'm really scared of.

Anyway, I answer this e-mail that I am interested.  I then go through e-mails I received after that ... and that's when I see an offer to work this same production, but in a capacity I've worked at before.  I said yes to this, but the person making hiring decisions texted me and said I'm working the parabolic.  OK, but what about this other job?  I would prefer to continue on a position I've done with these guys before, so now that I'm not, am I showing this production that I'm flexible, or has a door been shut because I go through e-mails in order, answer them one by one, and was pegged to the first job I said yes to?  Because I know there are a few people there I'm familiar with, and it'll be strange to see them where they always are and I am not, and I have no assurances I can go back to my old job ever again.

I get uncomfortable in unfamiliar surroundings, and that's why I'm getting a bit testy.  This will always happen when I go to somewhere new, but I don't know where I'll be today, I don't know who I'll work for, and so I don't know how it'll turn out.  I know how things are with the position I've been at before, but I don't understand how I wasn't even considered to come back.  Because I would have said yes, they just didn't say anything until three days ago.

Well, alas and alack.  I have a few hours before I need to report.  Maybe not the best idea, then, to blog post now, and then eat those leftover mozzarella sticks from Applebee's Thursday night.  (I'm chasing them down with a Coke at 2 in the morning as well.)  But I was crashing around 7 in the evening, so I listened to my body and went to sleep, only to wake up a bit past midnight.  Hopefully I won't be asleep as I stand during the game.  That's a surefire way to be tackled by a football player on the sideline.

So on a whim I went out to Applebee's last/Thursday night for the first time in at least a decade because I want to try their O-M-Cheese, this dish where a burger is cut in half, then the flat side of both halves are sat down in a layer of melted cheese in a skillet alongside a plate of fries.  Very good, but there was Thursday Night Football (Cleveland survived Pittsburgh) and a pair of winner-take-all First Round Game 3's (Atlanta over Philadelphia in baseball, then Las Vegas over Indiana in women's basketball) still to watch, so I ordered a side dish of mozzarella sticks, which were half-off to end the night.  And then a guy from the end of the bar offered me a few mozzarella sticks of his own, to which I wholeheartedly said yes.  And then I thought I could eat all this mozza sticks ... and then my stomach said I couldn't.  So I brought two of the three sticks I was given by this kind strangers home with me.  I said aloud at Applebee's that it's impossible to re-heat mozzarella sticks, and now I am faced with doing such a task.

I can't eat as much as I used to, nor as much as I think I can.  Hate that.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  This may be the most impressive victory the Gopher footballers have had under P. J. Fleck since Penn St.  I gave the Gophs pretty much no chance of going into Seattle and beating a Washington club that received a few votes in the polls.  But they raced out to a 21-10 Halftime lead, looked really good while doing it, and then held on to win.  Like I alluded to, when's the last time Fleck and his team upset someone, let alone on the road?  That is why I elevate the U. gridiron boys above both all the other local sports teams and negative numbers.  But can they continue on this run versus a Michigan team run by a legendary Head Coach (Kyle Whittingham) in his first Year.  If there's any season to take down the Wolverines and get The Little Brown Jug (and they're playing at Huntington Bank Stadium), it's this early Saturday afternoon.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I still don't know how they're doing it.  Featuring a Third Quarter that had nine possessions alone, the Vikes managed to go 3-0 after going into Tampa and beating the Buccaneers late Sunday afternoon, 23-16.  Will Reichard should get some lush hosannahs, but right now, the Defense is carrying this team.  Isaiah Rodgers is fast becoming a household name and a highlight reel onto his own, but Dallas Turner may be The Most Improved Player In The NFL.  He seems to "get it" now, and he is developing moves that will terrorize Offensive Lines for years to come.  The only problem is that the Offense still isn't jelling: Kyler Murray, in his first Game back since suffering a concussion in Week 1, went only 15-of-29 for 168 Yards and a sweet Touchdown to Jordan Addison, which is his first TD of the season.

I'm getting paid to watch the Vikes host Miami late Sunday afternoon.  But since this is a Minnesota sports team, if I am a betting man, I would jump on the Dolphins as much as my fear allows.  Fun fact I heard last Week: Miami is the only team in the NFL that has not had a snap in the Red Zone.  That will change Sunday -- mark my words.

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5).  Going to the Hoosier State, they beat Indiana Thursday, 2-1, but got blitzed by Purdue, 3-0, where all three Goals were scored over a span of ten Minutes early in the First Half, ouch.  Looking at one women's soccer bracketologist, Minnesota is not projected to be in the NCAA bracket.  But hey, maybe things can change beginning with tomorrow/Friday night's Rock The Robbie! Game vs. Maryland.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  I'm realizing there's going to be a lot of talk about Head Coaches in this Week's WMNSS.  Let's begin with Keegan Cook, whose Minnesota volleyballers started B1G play with a pair of four-Set defeats, at Illinois Thursday and home to ranked Oregon Saturday.  That has prompted a few volleyball diehards on a sports chatroom to begin the death watch on Cook.  And frankly, I can't blame them; Cook has been very underwhelming.  This Week they're home to host Northwestern tonight/Thursday night and sixth-ranked Wisconsin early Sunday evening.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -7).  With a 3-1 Loss to Seattle, that's now five Losses in a row for the Loooooooooons, and they now sit next-to-last in the West, six Points behind the final playoff spot.  It's sad and maddening to see this XI rack up the defeats, and only now (IMHO) have they started to look like they're giving up.

And yet ... I got kind of into it on Bluesky over whether Cameron Knowles should continue to lead this squad.  I mean, some people think he should be fired right now.  I'm in the no camp.  MNUFC is trending in the wrong direction, no doubt.  But I believe the big problem is talent acquisition.  They lost or let go of four players (Dayne St. Clair, Robin Lod, Joseph Rosales and Hassan Dotson who, by the way, scored the Game-winning Goal in the Sounders' Win over the Loooooooooons) before the season started and haven't really bought someone who could link up play in the offensive third or finish (and no, James Rodriguez doesn't count, even though I bought his Colombia jersey, sue me).  While some see players not developing under Knowles' reign, I see guys who aren't up to snuff.  Now, I will say that their competence on Set Pieces is something that's gone missing.  But I'm pinning this lost season on the Front Office, not the Manager.  Besides, teams change Head Coaches too often in international soccer.  Oh, and finally, I heard Knowles is a nice guy off the pitch.

Off till the 10th, when they face Houston at Allianz.  So glad I have a conflict.

#-Infinity: Lynx (Last Week: -4).  I, I, I ... can't with this team.  I hope to God I'm not harder on the Jynx than I am with any other local sports team because of my misogyny.  (Wish I had a stable mother.)  Because, goddammit, fuck this team.  This year they had all the goddamn excuses at the ready as to why they became the first #1 seed to lose in the First Round of the WNBA Playoffs: The Liberty had a lot of Wins for an 8-Seed, New York has championship mettle, Olivia Miles is a rookie, Napheesa Collier still needed time to round into shape (I thought she already fuckin' did that), the refs fucked 'em ... blah-blah-blah, not only did they lost, not only did they get swept, they were completely uncompetitive in either Loss.  You can't just insult them merely asking in jest which team is actually the 1-Seed and which the #8; the Jynx looked like The Worst Team In The WNBA who miraculously stumbled into the postseason like Forest Gump.

I keep thinking about this, and I've come around to a change that I didn't think is possible and one I think many Jynx fans will regard as blasphemy: Cheryl Reeve needs to go.  I don't like it, and I am sure that she is a good person whose morals I love.  But shit, man, that team should have the past three league titles, and yet they are still without a championship since 2017.  And beyond the ritual humiliation that happened these past two Games were the strange moves and comments by Reeve after it.  The size the Liberty threw on the court completely locked down the Jynx, and Olivia Miles, who was just named Rookie Of The Year, has seen that achievement immediately tarnished when she was benched for the entire Second Half of Game 2, and that was after her shitty showing in Game 1.  And then Reeve said that the Jynx, who led wire-to-wire in the W, wasn't supposed to win the title this Year?  And then she says that she feels no pressure because she's a Hall Of Fame Coach??  Did she really say that???  Are you fucking kidding me???  That may be her trying to defend her players or deflect from a colossal failure, but this team has in fact retreated from a WNBA title stage by stage, from the WNBA Finals to the Semifinals to the Quarterfinals.  This franchise is going backwards, and Reeve, as Head Coach and General Manager, has to be held accountable.  Sorry not sorry.

This may be my emotions talking, but fuck it -- blow up this team.  Collier's a Free Agent, and since she's coming off a disastrous last month of play, she can chase that paper elsewhere.  Miles, for all her preternatural talent and success, still needs to bone up on Defense and learn how to get around bigger players.  And fuck it, get bigger!  I don't care if this means wasting two or three Years of Miles' career; it's time to turn the page, let go of Reeve's favorite players (alongside Reeve), and get a Coach and a roster hungry to win.  There's something that has ossified behind the scenes with this organization.  I thought that a championship or two or three would mean that putting up with that rot was worth it, but it has only turned the Jynx into The Buffalo Bills of the W.  Start the fuck over with this sorry-ass team.