#0: Vikings (Last Week: -1). Another impressive defensive and special teams outing Sunday to defeat the Saints in New Orleans ... and this time, there is enough offensive firepower -- mostly thanks to the arm and legs of Kyler Murray and the continued rugged running by Aaron Jones, Sr. -- to make me believe there can be balance with this team. And they remain undefeated at 5-0, so I think they've earned the right to be above negative numbers.
There are two other undefeated clubs, The Bastard Dallas Texans (who did not play last weekend and so they're 4-0) and San Francisco. The 49ers and Vikings are slated to play in Week 11. It's a Sunday Night Football Game. And it'll be played in Mexico City. If they can remain undefeated till then, damn, watch out. In the meantime, they're enjoying their bye Week; they'll host The Bastard Baltimore Colts on the 25th.
#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5). Road victories are always good, and this team got a pair over middling Rutgers Friday evening and Ohio St. Sunday afternoon. However, they dropped a Set to the Scarlet Knights. Gopher clubs in the past would've made this two sweeps. An armchair bracketologist has the U. pegged as a seven-Seed for the NCAAs.
Back-to-back home Games against Michigan and Maryland tomorrow/Friday and Saturday night.
#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). Swept their East/West Showcase over the weekend -- 4-0 over Maine Friday, 4-2 over in-conference school Bemidji St. Sunday afternoon. Still, isn't it weird that the Head Coach demands that he has his nickname listed in his bio -- and that his nickname is "Boom?" Well, "Boom" now gets a chance to test his mettle. Ohio St., currently the top-ranked team in the nation, comes to town for a pair of contests tomorrow/Friday night and Saturday afternon.
#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4). Lost at Tampa Bay, had strong Wins at Florida and home vs. (Las) Vegas, then had a Game at The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers get away from them to a 5-2 score. I don't have anything else to say about this club beyond that. The Week is calming down, relatively, with three contests: Home to St. Louis and Columbus, then at Edmonton.
#-4: United FC (Re-Entry!). I've already told you a way a losing squad can lose my patience is by blowing a lead. Well, another way to lose my patience (soccer squads only) is to allow Goals when they're down to ten men.
They did the former Saturday night vs. Houston. They gave up the first Goal in the 18th Minute, but Kelvin Yeboah tied it up in the 48th, then Marcus Caldeira (he's a keeper, and the only Loons player to break through this Year) got them ahead in the 78th ... only for them to cough up two Points in the 92nd fucking Minute. They still haven't won a league Match at home since May 2. Then, last/Wednesday night, they were tied at 1 at Colorado when the Rapids' Sayed Abu Farchi, with the help of VAR, was red-carded for slapping Michael Boxall across the face. (Boxall provoked Farchi into doing it by flipping him over as the two of them were at the sideline fighting for a ball. Boxy's a dick, but he's our dick ... at least for the rest of the season.) Conditions were good for MNUFC to get a go-ahead Goal, right? Nope; the Backline allowed Colorado to score in the 74th to take a 2-1 lead. But then, ten minutes later, the Match was tied at 2-all. Note that I didn't say Minnesota United scored. Instead, the Rapids potted an Own Goal ten Minutes later when Colorado's Loic Williams tried to clear a shot from Yeboah when Yeboah was at the End Line and Williams was in front of his own net; the ball may have had some spin, but Williams muffed it, and the english from the ball scooted it past the Goal Line. Soccer is a dumb Game, and even though MNUFC did nothing from the Red Card on, they get a Point.
That Point, and the Point they got against Houston, don't fucking matter; they're still next-to-last in the West and are now five Points behind for ninth place. And they host St. Louis Saturday afternoon. I couldn't attend the Game against the Dynamo, thank Buddha, but this weekend I have no other plans (well, I could go to a stripper party, but I'll pass), so I'm using the money I've spent and going to this one, and considering how St. Louis City is scoring and winning seemingly at will right now (until last/Wednesday night's scoreless draw at home versus Vancouver in a showdown between The Western Conference's two-best teams, St. Louis had netted at least three Goals in their previous five tilts), this could get very, very ugly very, very quickly.
#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: 0). They're not at the bottom of this Week's WMNSS (I had trouble deciding, so I fell back on one Game vs. two), but the most disappointing Loss I've seen in a while has to belong to the U. gridironers losing at moribund Purdue. The Boilermakers suck, and yet this was an ass-kicking by the tune of 41-13. They had so much goodwill and momentum after winning at Washington and making the most of Michigan's miscues in reclaiming The Little Brown Jug. I really thought P. J. Fleck had a program where they wouldn't lose to teams clearly beneath them. Guess not. And to completely no-show is just inexplicable. Is this club's motivation dependent on the opponent? If so, is hosting Iowa for Floyd Of Rosedale next Saturday (coincidentally, both the Vikings and the Gopher football team have the same bye Week in 2026) going to get their attention?
#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3). Granted, the XI faced a pair of Top 10 squads this past screening Week, so the damage may not be as bad as I think it is. Still, they got waxed at second-ranked Michigan St. 4-0 last Thursday and dominated by then-sixth-ranked Ohio St. at Robbie 2-0 Sunday afternoon. They may still be in the tournament conversation, but it didn't help that they got shut out last Week, so getting right at Wisconsin Sunday afternoon would not be a bad thing.
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