Amping Up My Fucking (Noun, Not Adjective/Curse Word) Schedule

Partly because my parents are home, partly because I have been broke for some time, and partly because I've been too busy working, I haven't gotten around to parties or gotten my fuck on.  I have had to be more disciplined, but frankly, it felt good to get away from the stress of not knowing if I had the money to indulge in what had become, when I was going to parties literally every week, an obsession.

But man cannot live on bread alone.  And that tryst when ****e booty-called me a couple weeks ago kickstarted my interest in paying for sex again.  Plus I've replenished my funds, the night test scoring job is over, and I think I can sneak out of the house from time to time.

It has felt like the invitations to parties (though not necessarily the parties) have dried up, but thankfully I still get a few, and to make sure people know that I am still interested, it was time to take someone up on her offer.  So tonight I am going to a house party that is in the same town as I.  Five chicks, three of them I know, none of them I'm sure will do anything besides lappers, but still, I want to try.

One of them, who I have known for some time, just got into bodybuilding, and a couple weeks ago competed in an event in Duluth.  She posted some pictures of her cut, raw body online, and goddamn, I got so hard looking at her, especially the one where she's onstage and turned around to show her bikini thong and that tight ass of hers (apparently in these competitions all women are supposed to where thong bottoms to show off how ripped their glutes are).  I've gotten LDs from her before, but she has never shown an inclination to touch my pee-pee or do any of that shit.  But I don't care; if she's there, I'll ask for a lapdance, and if I'm alone in a room with her, I'm whipping it out!

Regardless if I release any "life essence" tonight, I think I will on Monday.  I've gone back-and-forth with another woman, whom I last saw back in the fall way down in the other part of town, about doing a 1-on-1.  After some haggling (where she warned me she won't do me for the price we agreed to ever again), we are going to meet during her lunch break.  Yes, she is going to zip out of work, go back to my place where I should be waiting, jerk me off and hopefully suck me off till I ejaculate, clean up, then head back to work.  Now that I write that it doesn't seem so romantic, or even doable.  But I want a 1-on-1 with her, and if she accommodate me this far, I'll give it a shot.

I hope I don't deplete my money too much because I'm back to my fuckin' ways.  But damn, my penis needs some lovin', and with the coming of the heat in the weather, I feel as though I can schedule some rock-out-with-my-cock-out time on the regular.

Yay, Now It's My Turn To Touch Piss (That's Not Mine)!

Starting today I enter a new department for training.  And it's one I have secretly dreaded.  This is the one where I have to put on a lab coat, go into the lab, and ... well, I'm not really sure what I'm doing, but I think this is the one where, instead of dealing with information on a piss sample and entering onto a computer, I actually have to handle the sample itself.

I've heard many horror stories of broken seals and lids partially opened, thus spilling the urine contents onto a person.  Of course they were gloves, and of course the lab coats are supposed to serve as a level of protection as well.  But it's going to happen.  I'm going to get piss all over myself, and for once, it's neither mine nor a woman I'm trying to fuck.

For a while now I've been semi-taunting everyone in the department I'm usually in about this.  We have run out of our main work most days these days, so that is when everybody from the department finds lab coats and heads out into the lab to, uh, tear into samples of pee.  But not me.  No, since I don't know what the hell to do, and since I don't even have access to the lab, I had to stay out where I am to clean up and wait for them to do their work, ha-ha!  I won't lie; that made me feel special.

But I knew this day would come -- the day I would become them, the day I would debase myself and walk into the swamp of urine just like them.  And that day has arrived.  I'm kind of sad about this day coming, inevitable as it may be.  I just pray I never get piss on my skin, and if I do, I pray that I never inadvertently drink it.  Somehow.  Man, even the thought of foreign piss coming into contact with my body is making me sick.

---

Today's going to be kind of huge for me work-wise.  This will also be the first time I put in overtime at this job.  There are ... well, I can't really explain it, but there's a backlog of work that has opened up the possibility of OT, and since I am trained at dealing with this blacklog, I figure I would go in at least an hour early and do it, just to see if I can deal with working at this place for nine hours intentionally.

Oh, and yesterday I agreed to fill in for someone for second shift again.  And today I am going to see if I am going to work for the first time ever at this place on Sunday ... and thus either selling or outright giving away my MNUFC ticket.  Man, a lot of things new and a lot of things coming together at work today.  Hope to hell it works out.

Goddammit, I Might Be Too Late

So the biggest event in my alumni club's calendar is coming up, and last night I went to Caffetto in order to finally post it.

It's happening in less than a month.  Is that bad?

I don't exactly know how I got to this point.  The party is not a once-in-a-lifetime thing.  It happens every year; I know it because I'm the one who plans it.  Moreover, this year the family who hosted it last year is hosting again.  While it was great to switch venues annually, last year I feared not being able to find one, and these guys did a spectacular job of throwing a party, and having someone I can (famous last words) rely on to do this important event is a huge burden off my shoulders.

But there is the process of promoting the thing, and I have to admit I think I dropped the ball.  The family formally agreed to hosting back in April.  I was able to submit the form to the alumni association just in time.  But I swear, and I continue to swear, that I needed an OK from them before I could start advertising this event.

Then ... well, life got in the way.  I needed to hear back from my contact, who isn't as on the ball as I need her to be.  Meanwhile I was working the Final Four, I had a trip to Dallas, then I picked up this night scoring job.  I can tell you that as I was in the mode of, "Wait until she gets back to me," I didn't give publishing the party online much of a thought.

Now that the night job is over at that we are past Memorial Day and into essentially summer, I had to revisit everything.  Last week I had finally gotten around to e-mailing my contact about an OK, and she still hasn't gotten back to me.  I got that itch of, "Oh, man, I need to do this, don't I?"  And then I sat down and looked at the date the hosts selected for the party.  Now, mind you, they had told me this before, but because I was in wait-and-see mode and I was doing other things, it occurred to me over the holiday that the party was happening ... in less than a month.

Fuck me.

I couldn't wait any longer.  I don't know if I had advertised this event with less than a month to go before, but it doesn't seem like it.  My anxiety went into overdrive when I realized that the event page I created (back in April, but again, I haven't advertised it) had zero RSVP'ing.  All these thoughts of no one showing up started filling my brain.  And finally, last night, I got around to publishing it on all our social media platforms.

My God, I might already be too late.  I already got one no.  Another person said he would have come had I advertised it sooner.  And then we got into a back-and-forth of how could I have not told people about this until now.  Man, I really don't have time for him to bust my balls.  It is just extremely difficult for me to live my life while at the same time organize all this.  This is where I could use, really use, another person to help run the club.  But nope, it's just me.

Meanwhile, I need to admit something: Looking back, I'm not sure if there is an OK I need from the alumni association after all.  I've always believed I needed one, but thinking back ... you know, did I wait for an answer in previous years?  I don't fuckin' know, man.

I got it all done last night.  There's nothing more I can do now.  It's not as if I can create a time machine like Ant-Man and redo everything.  But while I have a sense of accomplishment, I need to bring myself down to reality: There is a possibility that I posted this so late that everyone who could have come have already made alternate plans, and that -- Christ -- no one will show up.  And then the host will be disappointed in me about how she thought I was going to take care of everything and obviously didn't.  And then I will shrug my shoulders and say, "Well, I did my best," and I'll do it with such insincerity that both of us know I don't believe what I'm saying.

I fucked this up.  Totally fucked this up.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher softball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  You know, I can't believe it.  Facing a tough Southern school that doesn't give a damn about academics as a Big Ten school does, I was mighty afraid that LSU would march into Cowles Stadium and, in a close matchup between the overall #7 and #10 seeds, take the Super Regional over the weekend.  That's why, even though I was very disappointed, I wasn't too crestfallen about trying to buy a ticket to either Saturday's or Sunday's contests and seeing that they have all sold out.

But shoot, I now regret not fighting harder to get a ticket.  Because the Minnesota Golden Gophers swept the LSU Tigers Friday and Saturday, by respective scores of 5-3 and 3-0.  Thank Buddha for Amber Fiser, who started both Games and went the distance in both Games, giving up only two Earned Runs, striking out 11 and throwing 238 pitches.  (Thank Buddha that softball pitches are underhand and align along the evolutionary lines of humans, Christ.)  I should also note the heroics of Shortstop Allie Arneson, who was responsible for the Game-winning Runs in both matches.  In Friday's Game 1, Areneson broke the 3-all tie in the Bottom of the Fourth by singling to Right; in Saturday's Game 2, she broke the seal on the contest at the Top of the Fifth (for Game 2's, the teams in a pitching sport switch, so even though Minnesota was hosting, the Gophers were the visiting ballclub) by homering to Left.

The U. hosted a sendoff for the team this morning, about 90 minutes ago.  Shoot, forgot that.  So they are in transit to Oklahoma City, Okla., right now -- the forever home of the Women's College World Series, which Minnesota is going to for the first time in school history.  They are the overall #7 Seed, but they draw the overall #2, UCLA, for its first Game Thursday afternoon.  Seven of the eight top Seeds advanced to OKC (the only outlier: #4 Seed and defending champion Florida St., who got upset by overall #13 Oklahoma St.), so they are the decided underdogs here.  By seed, they should lose to the Bruins and then get eliminated by Arizona.  If so, OK.  If they win a Game, or somehow even more, heck, that's just icing on the cake.  But look at what Minnesota has done this season.  Was anyone confident that they would get this far?  I sure didn't.  So whatever happens, this has already been The Best Year In Minnesota Softball History.  And that is already more than enough.

#0: Twins (Last Week: 0).  I must be honest; I was going to flip the Twins and the Lynx after hearing that they lost last night to The Bastard Seattle Pilots, ending their winning streak at six Games.  Maybe it's the fatalist/Twin Cities fan in me, or maybe the Twinks truly have not earned complete faith in them despite their torrid start.  But after calming down, I realized that this team has never come out as hot to start a year in my lifetime (or at least as far as I can remember), did have a six-Game winning streak, swept the Angels in Anaheim and then the White Sox at Target Field, lead the American League Central Division by ten Games and, as of the setting of the Sun Monday, sport The Best Record In Major League Baseball.  So maybe the sky isn't falling.  Yet.

They finish off with Milwaukee at home tonight.  They then face another quality opponent, Tampa, on the road for four Games over the weekend.

#-1: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  The Lynx have won the Women's National Basketball Association the past four odd years: 2011, 2013, 2015 and 2017.  Don't expect them to do that in 2019.  This club is too much in transition to do that.  Lindsay Whalen, who may have mentally checked out in her last year last year, is fully retired.  Maya Moore is taking the year off -- to pursue her ministerial career, according to her, but to try and get out of a de facto reserve clause, according to me.  Rebekkah Brunson's return to action is up in the air because she's still suffering from a concussion.  And it was ruled out close to Saturday's season-opener at home against the Chicago Sky that Seimone Augustus and new acquisition Karima Christmas-Kelly would be out because of knee injuries.

No matter.  Because the Lynx have two Rookies who seemed to have stepped in and contributed immediately.  First-Round pick Napheesa Collier scored 27 Points, the most by a Rook in her WNBA debut since Candace Parker poured in 34 for the Los Angeles Sparks.  She also had six Rebounds, three Blocks and two Steals.  Meanwhile, Second-Round pick Jessica Shepard hauled down 13 boards and had six dimes, both game bests.  I have no idea with the Sky is supposed to be a good team, but I don't know if the Lynx are either, and yet Minnesota won going away, 89-71.

This may be the most wide-open WNBA season ever.  There are so many star players that are out due to injury, for the season or at least a huge chunk of it.  But this article from Neil Paine of FiveThirtyEight says that, partly due to the fact that there still are only a dozen teams in the WNBA, there is such a paucity of available spots that these injuries have opened up jobs for players who are good enough to be playing in the WNBA anyway.  Therefore, it's not totally out of the realm of possibility that the Lynx could win it all -- highly unlikely, but not totally out of the realm.

Wednesday they host the defending champs, the Seattle Storm.  Saturday night they go out to Dallas.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -1).  This really has been a fantastic stretch for local sports.  The Twin Cities has gone undefeated the past two Saturdays, going 4-0 on the 18th and 5-0 -- probably the most local teams who have won on one day without any team losing -- on the 25th.  Stands to reason, then, that so many teams on the WMNSS would be good, and so ranking them will be a chore because some of them will get pushed down even though they had great screening weeks.

The Loons take it in the shorts this time around.  Saturday, with the Sun fulling shining on a weekend evening as The Unofficial Start To Summer began, an Own Goal by the Dynamo's Boniek Garcia (a deflection from a Cross by Romain Metanire, fast becoming a revelation for the club and the league) was the difference in MNUFC's 1-0 win over Houston.  So say that this squad shouldn't be too happy about the way they're playing, that they have offensive chemistry issues that they need to work on.  I don't disagree.  But one hallmark of a playoff club is being able to take Points, let alone three, from teams despite not playing at your best.  As of press time United FC is in fifth place in the West -- playoff position.  With more home tilts left to come, I'll take it.

Meanwhile, United remain undefeated at home ... well, in Games that count.  On Wednesday, Allianz Field hosted its first-ever international Friendly, versus Bundesliga side Hertha Berlin.  And they lost to that side, 1-0, on a rebound Goal by Defenseman Peter Pekarik in the 43rd.  Again, it's just an exhibition.  It's for teams to start players who don't usually start to see how good they can be.  A prime, shining example where you need to watch this space: Hassani Dotson made his first start in this Friendly, did real work, then got the nod to start against the Dynamo.  He's going places.  Neverthless, for the Survey's purposes, I need to use a fine-tooth comb to rank teams having good weeks, and so because they still "lost," I'm busting the Loons down here.

A two-Match week this week, both against Eastern squads that would also be in the playoffs if the year were to end -- at Atlanta Wednesday, hosting Philadelphia Sunday afternoon for the annual Pride Match.

#-Infinity: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  Well, they made a run.  In the Big Ten Baseball Tournament in Omaha, Neb., they started off on the wrong foot, getting drubbed by Nebraska, 8-2, Wednesday.  (Not that much of an embarrassment; all four of the high seeds lost Wednesday.)  But the Fourth-seeded Gophs scratched and clawed the next four days, tossing squads that were above them on the ladder that was dangling over the cliff off before them -- regular season champ Indiana Thursday (by a score of 9-4), Iowa Friday (a 3-0 shutout).  They then pipped Ohio St. Saturday, holding on for a 9-6 victory and forcing a rematch with the Buckeyes that was scheduled for Saturday evening but got postponed to Sunday early afternoon.  And that, alas, was where the magic ended.  The Gophers got down in a 8-1 hole and tried storming back, but the comeback fell short, 8-6, and their tournament run, and season, ended.  (The Buckeyes would go on to beat Nebraska in the final; as the Seventh-seed, they stole the NCAA tourney bid that the U. needed.)

Hey, they won a Regional and got to a Super Regional last year.  This year, they don't.  (shrug)  But hey, Catcher Eli Wilson most likely will be back to try and repeat as All-B1G First Team.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Memorial Day, aka Monday, May 27:

• Didn't even go out on Memorial Day, after all, so let's go back to Sunday the 26th.  I was planning on getting an HJ from this chick, but she never texted me her address.  So instead I spent my time in the afternoon helping out Mother with some real estate stuff.  And I had to print out a couple things for her at the library: 20 cents.
• Saturday the 25th: After work I never felt so free.  It's Memorial Weekend!  It's The Official Start To Summer!  Like last week and two Saturdays before, I went directly home to dinner, ate quickly, then went back out.  I had once said I had a movie to catch at 7, but the last two Saturdays I said I had to go to the test scoring job.  That is a lie: There were MNUFC matches held both nights.  (Wonder why I lie to my folks about that.)  Anyway, I had a hot dog and a Loon Juice.  Total: $17.
• I then went to Glam Doll.  Charged my first donut and the pour-over.  Got the second donut for free, so I threw in my usual tip: $1.
• Friday the 24th: With my day job shifted for the day to second shift and with the night test scoring job finishing up the previous evening, but still feeling as though I need to act like I was working in the morning, I got out of the house only a half-hour after I usually leave the house.  I went to Caffetto for the morning.  Had a discount for a free drink waiting for me, for which I used for a large mocha.  Also bought a peach cobbler, presumably made by someone local.  The price for that cobbler plus tip: $5.05.
• Thursday, May 23rd: At work I picked up a dime and penny from the floor.  No one else claimed them, so they're now mine.  An Infusion of: 11 cents.
• On Wednesday the 22nd I skipped the test scoring job and instead went to the MNUFC Friendly loss to Hertha Berlin.  (Those guys have a sweet kit, by the way.)  Hot dog and a Loon Juice, which is becoming my go-to meal: $17.
• Afterwards I figured I had time to go to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Version).  Once I spend enough time there, I would be going home around the time I usually get home from the test scoring job.  Kirah I thought would screw me over, again, but this time I was firm with her.  I got a lap dance from her -- just one -- and I didn't buy a drink for her.  I like growing my balls around her.  With a Bud Light and stage tips: $32.
• We go back to Monday the 20th, where I wanted to go to the U. softball Regional games, which were delayed from Sunday due to rain.  But when I woke up I was hearing Mother downstairs on the phone and having difficulty with someone about something.  So I stayed at home 45 minutes longer than I wanted to.  While she was stumbling around, asking painstaking question after painstaking question, I spent time finishing reconciling my monthly expense list.  She took so long that I finished, so I have to admit waiting for her and eventually missing most of the Georgia-Drake game wasn't time totally wasted.  Afterwards she wanted me to go to the library to print and scan some documents related to this call.  I did that after I went to Dinkytown to watch the last two Outs of the Bulldogs' elimination of the ... uh, Bulldogs (for free, by the way, thank goodness).  I had to redo a couple of the scans because they were too dark, so the total comes out to: 50 cents.
• At the night test scoring job, one of the enticements is that they offer pop in their vending machines for just a quarter a can.  I don't remember in my lifetime cans of pop being that cheap.  So I took the opportunity to drink a can of Coke and a can of Pepsi during the course of my eight-hour day there.  Total: 50 cents.
• Back to Sunday, May 19 -- I had the entire day out, and frankly, not much productive to do.  I was holding out for a chance to watch the U. softball Regional.  The Golden Gopher softball twitter said that they were going to play that afternoon.  But it felt as though I left the library for Cowles Stadium right after they tweeted that all games were postponed till the next day.  I walked all the way to the stadium in a gently pelting rain to see the tarp on the infield (sigh).  Well, that gave me a reason to go to Wonders Ice Cream close by.  They are the first and so far only place where I've had Thai rolled-up ice cream, and it's really cool.  I have a receipt (and I hope to Buddha I still have it), so this EWR is only for the tip: $1.
• Somewhere I found a penny, an Infusion of: 1 cent.
• There was a fun thing happening on Sunday: A food truck festival at the condos of the North Loop.  Sure it was raining, but for the weather there was good turnout.  The front door to the condos was open.  Still not sure if this was organized by the condo association as a de facto open house, but if it were, well, maybe I should have taken a tour.  Anyway, of all the food trucks that were there, I chose one of the few non-Asian ones: Mama G's (is that the name?) Pizza.  Slice plus tip: $8.
• Saturday, May 18 -- after the match, there was still a food truck outside, Los Ocampo.  Heard great things about them, so I got a single taco from them because I wasn't too hungry.  The menu said a single taco was $4.  From the change I got, the taco apparently was $4.25.  I don't get it, but I was so surprised that I did not argue.  Maybe I should have.  But I didn't see a tip jar, either, so I guess that makes up for the lying sign.  So again, the total was: $4.25.
• On Friday the 17th I got a booty call from ****e.  She had said that she does not do one-on-ones anymore, but she now needs the money.  Well, if she just thought of me out of the blue, I can't help but think this is something I needed to cash in on.  So even though this was last-minute, I got some money and went up to her new place where, after catching up, we 69'd.  She had mentioned she hadn't had sex in a long time, and now after thinking about it, I feel bad I couldn't give that to her.  I should think about the needs of my partner a little more often.  I paid: $140.
• To Monday the 13th, where I went in earlier at the night test scoring project to get eight hours in.  I have Mondays free; I might as well make some money and get out of the house.  Did my best to avoid coffee.  I don't know if I did that, but I did grab a dirt-cheap Pepsi from the vending machine: 25 cents.
• This project is at an office building that is part of an office park just south of the Mall of America.  I have seen it a ton of times while going to MOA.  It has a hotel and restaurant next door.  On the other side of the building is another hotel with a TGI Friday's right next to it, and I ate there after work on two Mondays.  On the other side of the TGI Friday's is yet another hotel, and I think it is attached to an IHOP.  This particular place I have been to once when the restaurant was serving free pancakes and I just happened to be in the area one morning because I had to drop off my parents at the airport.  Anyway, I went to IHOP after work this night for an early breakfast.  Turns out, eating at this non-alcoholic place is a lot cheaper than eating Happy Hour at the alcoholic TGI Friday's next door.  Total with tip: $20.50.
• Sunday, May 12 ... only EWR was at My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Division).  No dances.  Did buy a beer, a Budweiser.  With stage tips: $10.
• Apparently I need to go back to Saturday, May 4 now.  After the MNUFC game I was just rooting around.  I had nothing else to do, but I was hungry.  And then I remembered that at Rosedale, where I parked, a Portillo's recently opened up.  Bought an Italian beef and a Coke.  When I retrieved my change, I saw that someone left his or her change at the dispenser.  Sure, I'll take the free money!  So with the defraying change, the total is not what it says on the receipt but actually: $7.95.
• Oh, I decided to go to My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition) after Portillo's.  Bud Light, tips and a lapper from the sweet Willow all comes out to: $34.
• Back to Monday, April 29.  Went to my old Caribou for old time's sake.  With tip: $6.55.
• And then back to Saturday the 28th, when I went to the United match in the afternoon.  Hot dog and Loon Cider: $17.
• I then went to Caffetto at some point (morning?  Afternoon?  Evening?).  Raspberry croissant, large hot chocolate and tip comes out to: $8.29.

I Know I Should Take This Better, But I'm Not

Today, Memorial Day, was supposed to be my day.  I would wake up in the morning, go downtown, and watch the Play-Up (as I like to call it) match between Aston Villa and Derby County (it's called The Richest Game In The World because the winner is promoted to the English Premier League and will receive a cut of its huge TV rights deal, so yeah, the stakes can't get any higher).  After that I would go to Hooters and use my calendar coupon, and then Caffetto and blog and surf until I had to go home.  And that would be that.

But no.  My brother, sister-in-law and niece are coming over.  I know that it's been some time since they visited, but what ever would they do there?  My niece is now 4 1/2, so the old tricks to entertain her don't work.  It might be easier now to keep her from boredom, but if she's just going to play on her phone while she's here, well, why is she here?

Yeah, and just as I typed that I felt like a dick for saying it.  I know I should be a good person and enjoy when family comes around.  But I have to own (well, own up is the more appropriate phrase) my feelings, and frankly, my feelings are that they've ruined my plans.  Well, kind of.  I learned that they are coming over this morning through My Father, and since he bitched at me to clean my room early yesterday, I kind of got triggered when he said another thing I didn't like.

Anyway, I am trying to get past my visceral feeling about him being an asshole.  When he said that, I was trying to parse my day.  Maybe I can still go watch the match and cut Caffetto short.  But he said that they were coming in the morning.  So I texted my sister-in-law to make sure sure that they're coming in the morning, and she said, maybe, but it looks more like after 12.

Well, if that's the case, I can go out and come back -- assuming the match doesn't last past regulation.  But ... goddammit, as much as I hate being blindsided, and as much as I hate My Fucking Father leveling me with the news, I can't just up and leave when family might be coming.  I don't want to be a dick about this.  I have no clue how to act around them when they come over, but dammit, I should ... try, you know?  Just going out isn't going to look good, even if I come home in plenty of time.

So this is what I'm going to do.  I will wake up early.  I will tool around, maybe even fucking clean my room.  If it somehow comes about from Father that my brother, sister-in-law and niece are coming later in the day, I will go out to watch the match and then fly back home.  But that probably won't happen.  I will wake up early, clean my room, then wait and wait and wait and wait for them to come, just to show my folks what a dutiful family member I am.  And then they'll be here at, like, 1 in the afternoon and I'll be tired and cranky all day.

It's supposed to be my day.  But really, I think every day is supposed to be my day.  So I'm just going to give this one day up and see if it works out for the better.

Bad Day Already

So Mother needed me to scan something else in conjunction with something I helped her with on Monday.  But like all things concerning my parents, it's a lot more complicated.  It doesn't help that she was vague when it comes to what exactly needed to be done.  I'm now here at the library where I can finally look at this e-mail she referred to as something she needed to reply to, and it's encrypted, and I don't have the password.  And I still don't know if this is what Mother was referring to.  Shit, I have to go home now and ask what the fuck she's talking about.

Oh, and I shouldn't be getting a handjob now.  A few days ago ******e, a woman who I have had off-and-on contact with, texted me out of the blue and asked if I could meet up with her.  Sure, I thought, maybe my sexual activity can be a weekly thing.  We agreed on Sunday afternoon -- now, as I type this.  But when I asked her for the address, she said she'll give it to me later, like this is a fucking rave or something.  Well, I'm still waiting.  In fact, we were supposed to wrap up our HJ session by now, so it ain't happening.  I would have blue balls, but now I have to worry about getting into an argument with Mother over this fucking scanning thing.

I already was supposed to start Memorial Weekend vacation, for God's sake.

Last night, for her big blowout as the last meal I need for two jobs (even though my night test scoring one ended Thursday), Mother went all out: Chicken she bought from, I guess, Cub Foods, and pasta -- rigatoni, it looks like.  But as is her wont, she packed so much rigatoni into the glass container that, when I tried nuking it for two minutes, it wasn't hot all around.  So I dumped it all out onto several paper plates, put another plate on top of it (to keep some of the moisture on the pasta), then heated it up for another minute, thinking that was enough.

And it was ... until I dug into more of the pasta.  There were still cold spots, as evidence by my eating, well, cold rigatoni.  But I was too dug into my food to care, plus I already dumped the chicken (thoroughly cooked) onto it, so I kept eating.

Maybe I shouldn't have, since my stomach was kind of rumbly this morning.  Felt alright through work and eating hot dinner just now, farting aside.  But I have to make sure I err on the side of overcooking instead of undercooking from now on, lest I poison myself or something.

No, Don't Need The Fucking Flu

For the record, the test scoring job wrapped up around 8 p.m. yesterday (Thursday) evening.  Thought it would last a little longer, but I'm not totally surprised.  We were once told that once we were done with this project we would go over to help finish off another project before the week was out, but last night we were told that they had enough people, so what we had was it.

After losing my job, I went to the Megamall, which was just across the street, to dink around, get some exercise, watch the Raptors-Bucks game and just figure out how to waste enough time so that I could get home at a time commensurate with the previous nights so my parents won't get suspicious.  Once I figured enough time had passed, I went to the bathroom before driving home.

While walking in I passed by a white guy wearing a suitcoat, a plaid shirt that was tucked in, and jeans.  Stereotypically I saw him as a smartly dressed man.  But as I was peeing, out of my peripheral vision, I saw that same guy sternly walk back in, go into a stall and, without shutting the door, loudly retch into the toilet.  And whatever was vomiting out of his mouth was voluminous, judging by the loud and expansive "plop" I heard as the, uh, contents hit the surface of the toilet water.

The fuck was that?  Why in the hell is this sharp-dressed man vomiting?  Does he have the flu?  That would be shitty if he did, because I have to walk on the same steps he did, and I'm scared as hell right now that I have breathed in his flu -- somehow, like it was on his natty suitcoat, or that he coughed (and I didn't hear it) and the germs remained airborne and I just inhaled it all.

I felt nauseous on the drive home.  Felt my throat swell up, too, which is a sure sign for me that my body is fighting something.  I feel fine now, but I could wake up and feeling as though I need to puke.  So just in case, I'm blog posting about it here.  To think that I could go from healthy to ill all because of some sick stranger who subverted my superficial judgement of him.  Damn that guy.

Violent Ideations Getting To Me Again

My violent thoughts, where I relive past grievances and imagining taking revenge on them by yelling and/or hitting them ... they've come back, stronger and more vivid than ever, to the point where it's affecting my health.  It manifests itself by making my blood boil, and then it hurts my heart to the point where I start to feel dizzy.  I have been so worked up with bad memories that I feel as though I will pass out before.  But the past week or so it has been extremely intense, as if continually dredging up these violent thoughts has finally caught up with my heart, and that I really could be having high blood pressure, or a heart attack.

Rest and thinking good thoughts help with this.  But I feel my left arm is kind of weak, at most parts of the day.  And without fail, my spacing out comes back to a time where I got unfairly screwed over, and my pressure would rise again and my chest feels heavy again and I feel light-headed again.  Maybe it's the test scoring job, but I think cutting my work hours back down to eight should do the trick.

Nevertheless, I should speak to my doctor about this, right?

Oh, and if I die soon, remember this.

Skipping Work!

While I stand by the overall gist in my last blog post -- that there are many joys that come with my test scoring job -- I ain't going there tonight.  Instead, I have a United match to go to.  It's a Friendly vs. Bundesliga squad Hertha Berlin.  But I paid good money for it, and I could use the night away.


I do sort-of regret buying the ticket.  It is an exhibition after all, and I feel as though not a whole lot of people are going to the match.  But I bought the ticket because of the exoticism of the opponent, plus I thought I would have the night free.  So yes, I bought the ticket before I agreed to score for this project, which is, as far as I know, projected to end tomorrow or Friday morning.


I have thought a lot about selling or giving away the ticket, or just eating the cost and working.  What made me decide taking tonight off was OK is that there is a bonus for everyone who works enough on the project.  I have been told by my boss' boss that I have already done enough to earn that bonus, and that one night off will not affect that.  There is no way to guarantee that, but that man seems to be a straight shooter, so I will trust him.  Besides, I would have had to be at my computer by now, and I'm at a library typing this up, so it's too late for tonight.


Hope the game is fun, and hope there is work for me there tomorrow night.

Oh, And Another Small Thing I Like About The Test Scoring Job:

Our main room is partitioned off.  Obviously there are gaps in the partition which serve as entrances.  There is the main one, the big one, which is on the back half of the room, and I don't think that's where that entrance should be.  If you are sitting in the front half of the room (and most of the ones who are scoring in the room with me sit up there), it'll take a long way to walk up there.  It seems as though there should be an opening closer to the front, you know?

Anyway, there is a second one -- in the way back, the end of the partition stops just short of the back of the room.  Therefore, there is a gap, probably a person-and-a-half wide, where people can come through.  You will be at the back row to start ... and it just so happens that I sit in the back row.  This back entrance wasn't the reason I sit back there.  I actually started this project sitting in the middle, right where the "front" entrance is, in fact, but the next day some scorer in a wheelchair bogarted it.  And even though I initially was told that I couldn't sit in the back, over the rest of the week I moved further and further until I could not go any further, all because I just wanted to be left alone.

And left alone, for the most part, I am.  There is one other person who now sits in the back row, and at times there have been a couple others, although I don't seem them scoring anymore.  So, at least to me, when I get to the room, I slip into this corner gap back entrance (the front of the room faces away from the front of the entire building) like it's a VIP entrance, just for me!  Moreover, there is a room right at that corner, and its door opens up to close much of this back entrance.  That makes it even more exclusive, and that makes me feel even more special!  So when it's open, I slip between that door and the partition and walk down to my desk, like I'm The Man.

Pathetic?  Sure.

This test scoring project ends this week, so I will miss this perk of self-ascribed exclusivity.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Again, a rush job because I'm tired as fuck.  I look forward to this being the last time I need to do this under such circumstances:

Positive Numbers: Gopher softball (Last Week: 0).  This was a great week for local sports, possible the best ever in WMNSS history.  And it's all led by the University of Minnesota softball team, which completed its second Regional title yesterday/Monday by beating Georgia, 8-1.  Of the three Games the Golden Gophers played in the Regional they hosted, the toughest was their first go-around with the Bulldogs, on Saturday evening.  The U. was actually down 1-0 in the last chance Seventh Inning, but MaKenna Partain singled up the middle to bring in Ali Lindner to tie the game.

Then in the bottom of the Eighth (and I tried to find video, but I can't and again, I'm tired), on the second pitch of her at-bat, Hope Brandner (a transfer from Oregon St.) launched the ball past the wall in Left-Center Field to walk off the game for Minnesota.  (Oh, the team began Regionals by blanking North Dakota St. Friday, 3-0; and Drake was the other participant in the Regional.)

The U. now advances to its second-ever Super Regional (the other time was 2014), and it'll be the first they've ever hosted.  The opponent for the overall #7 Seed Gophers?  The over #10 Seed LSU.  The best two-out-of-three series is this/Memorial Weekend.  Sunday at 3 is far from an ideal time, but I think I can make that Game -- if it goes that far.

#0: Twins (Last Week: -1).  You know, this has been a superlative week for the Twins.  Sure, they couldn't complete a four-Game sweep of the Mariners in Seattle, falling to them Sunday, 7-4.  But that was this squad's only loss in a 6-1 screening week.  Moreover, they have become the first team in Major League Baseball history to hit five or more Home Runs in five Games before June 1.  This team is on a power surge.  You wonder, in fact, if this club has peaked.

They have two more games in Anaheim.  Then, after taking Thursday off, they host the White Sox for three over the weekend and Milwaukee for one of those strange two-Game series starting on Monday.

#-1: United FC (Last Week: -3).  I could not pass up recognizing a team that had a tremendous week even with one defeat because 1) these guys are doing things no previous Twins iteration has done before and 2) the Twins have sucked for far too long.  Nonetheless, I also want to recognize the Loons for eking out a 1-0 win at Allianz Saturday over Columbus, their only Game of consequence.  The winning Goal, off a Free Kick, was a thing of beauty: Darwin Quintero lofting the ball just to the right of goal; Brent Kallman laying out the body to make sure he headed the ball towards the far side of the net before the ball went out of bounds; and Ethan Finlay being one of about a baker's dozen United FC team members who was able to pounce on the ball and kick it into the wide-open net.  They have still yet to lose at their new home.

This Saturday they host Houston, but not before a Wednesday home Friendly against German club Hertha Berlin.  I am still vacillating on whether to go; I have work, but I also have already bought a ticket.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  I don't want that this squad has fallen by the wayside.  After all, they finished their regular season over the weekend by winning two-of-three vs. Northwestern.  But there remains no talk of Minnesota making the NCAA Tournament.

Their fate lies in winning the Big Ten Tournament, and the automatic bid that comes with it.  I'm kind of surprised that Minnesota snagged the four-Seed.  As such, the Gophers begin play Wednesday night versus Nebraska.  This is a double-elimination tourney, so they will face either top-Seeded Indiana or eighth-Seeded Iowa, either with a win or a loss, the next day.  The tournament, which is being held in Omaha, Neb., ends Sunday.

#GameOfThronesFinale

I spent my Sunday evening trying to watch the Game Of Thrones series finale.  My first step was to ask on Facebook if people were watching.  I didn't even get a like; I got one reply, from my friend, and he told me I couldn't come over because he needed to concentrate.  Ha!

My next step was something I normally do when trying to hijack events I am too poor to see: Going on Periscope.  But those damn people are hip to my ways, and shut all feeds down fairly early into the episode.

So I did the next best thing: I followed on Twitter.  I should talk about this more because it's indicative of how I spend my free time now, but for the next, oh, 70 minutes or so after Periscope shut illegal feeds down, I just scrolled through my feed, sometimes looking through posts with the show hashtagged, sometimes not (my regular feed is mostly about politics, with a few tweets about the few sports games going on around that time).  And as pathetic as it sounds, I actually was able to follow the main plot points of the show.  I even saw a couple screengrabs, especially the really cool, potentially historic one of a dragon sprouting wings and flying up into the sky right behind Daenerys Targaryen as she walks forward to claim the kingdom ... or, something.

So yeah, that's how I spent my night.

Haven't eaten fast food in a while.  Did it just now at Wendy's.

Their ketchup dispenser was broken; the pump didn't work.  Went back to the cashier to get packets, and after a couple minutes I saw that there was a tray of them off to the side.

I grabbed, like, a dozen.  Don't know why I did; I can usually measure how much ketchup I need for a regular order of fries, and now, come to think of it, I usually need only three or four packets.  Why did I grab a dozen?

I had six packets left over once I was done.  I planned on just putting them back in the tray.  And then, on my way out, I dumped my tray of trash -- with the packets on it.  When I slid everything off the tray and into the trash, the "plop" seemed louder and, thus, heavier than usual.  That's when I remembered I didn't take the packet off of the tray.

Yeah, I'm not at my sharpest right now.  And this is after I got a full night's sleep.

Challenging Day Ahead

The crux of it is work, where I will be largely left on my own in the latest department I had been trained in.  There will be someone just in case shit goes sideways, but in a few hours, I'm doing all this shit by myself ... even though it's been weeks since I was last in this department.  I've got my notes, but at some point I feel as though someone's going to confront me at my desk and go, "Why haven't you done this yet?!?!" and I'll just shrug while putting on my most innocent-looking mug I can.

Meanwhile, after a lot of uncertainty over the weather forecast, I decided that I was not going to sell my MNUFC ticket and instead will actually go to the match this evening.  Still have no idea if it's going to rain before, during or after the match, but I went with the forecast that said the heaviest rain will end by noon.  I'm going to get drenched, won't I?

I made that decision when I went to my night test scoring job last night.  Wanted to give my parents as much time to plan a quick dinner as possible, so I called Mother who, by the way, I have neither seen nor spoken to since Monday, so I wanted to see how she was doing.  Caught her at the library -- whoops.  After I told her my plans for tonight, she asked me to wake up early because she wants me to help her out with, I think, a text she wants worded professionally.  OK, for someone whom I haven't seen in days and who has made fantastic leftovers for me, I can do this.

But this is now how my day is mapped out.  I wake up early, help Mother in a way that is smooth (but you never know), get to work on time (but not before getting fake frap at the gas station), spending eight hours trying to remember things on my own while controlling my anxiety, then hopefully getting out of work in time to have dinner with my parents for, like, 45 minutes before I head off to watch a soccer match potentially in a downpour.

So please wish me luck.

The Little Miracle Which Is Having An Early Dinner Inbetween Jobs

Having two jobs is kicking my ass, I won't lie.  I really thought I could pull this off with breaks in order to nap, but every single day, at least at some point, I felt I was going to pass over and lose consciousness, I am so tired.  I'm not half the man I was.

And yet there is one thing I have enjoyed as I have taken on this test scoring project: Enjoying lunch, by myself, after I get to the test scoring place before my shift begins.  I usually do not like that my parents insist they send me a paper bag lunch to work, but I felt like I needed it so I could have something to eat during the day.  But it has become not only sustenance, but a vessel through which I can reset myself and at least tolerate my night.

After my day job I get a second cup of coffee into my Japanese thermos and drive south.  I have to drive as soon as I get done with work because of traffic and construction so I don't feel rushed in eating.  And I don't.  I then stroll into work with my bag, get to the microwave up front and heat the leftovers -- usually rice and some protein such as beef or chicken.  My parents put it in two microwavable containers which they then put into either a Godiva or Zara bag (we switch off; they prepare the meal and put it in the other bag [which they then put in the fridge] before I get home, soak the containers I used that day and stash the bag away); Father finishes it off with a banana, which I once thought was unnecessary and just a power move by him, but I don't mind it now.  At any rate, walking in with this box lunch seems perfect.  It looks like the perfect size, and it's the perfect portion for me to eat between jobs.

Once I heat up both containers I put the lids back on both, put them back into the bag to let them cook some more, and go from the first floor (where I usually score papers) to the basement.  There there are tables, both at the cafeteria that serves lunch (and is closed by the time I usually get there) and in what is a dining room with more than a dozen tables.  Most of the time I have the run of the place (either site) all to myself.  I find a table, set down the bag, remove the containers, remove the cancer-causing plastic off of the tables, tumble the protein from one container into the container containing the rice, and eat.

Ooh!  But not before adding some hot sauce!  You see, my first week I was hanging out at the cafeteria.  The next week (which was last week) I switched it up and lunched at this dining room.  My parents' leftovers are great, but after nuking them the food, especially the rice, is on the dry side.  I am desperate for any liquid condiment that will slicken the victuals.  And so, one day, I spied with my little eye a small bottle of Cholula Original Hot Sauce on a table.  Where did that bottle come from?  Did it come from the cafeteria?  If so, do they know about this?  Anyway, even though I am not a hot sauce fan, I wanted to add it to my rice.  And I tell ya, it is not so hot that it overpowers any flavor from the leftovers.  In fact, it's the pow! I need to make my folks' leftovers even better.

On top of all that, I wash my meal down with water from upstairs.  And I usually lunch while going through my phone.  I need to use my data plan since no one knows if the office building I'm in even has wi-fi, but that's OK.  I spend between 20-30 minutes there.  Once I'm done, and my shift's about to begin, I throw away the plastic wrap and the utensil I got from the break room.  Up until this week I went out to my car to stash the bag and rest for a few minutes; now, I just march upstairs and swipe in.  (Oh, I usually eat the banana at my desk before I go home.)

Those 20-30 minutes, eating a free lunch made by my parents, hanging on the phone and catching up on my e-mail and Twitter, being by myself with silence surrounding me ... man, it's bliss.  It is absolute bliss.  And I'll miss it once this project wraps up next week.

Just wanted to say this.

You Wanna Wash The Thing That's Making My Closet Smell Like Asparagus Too, Pops?

My Father does my laundry nowadays.  I still want to do it, but the right way, meaning that I actually look at each item's tag and see how it's supposed to be washed and dried.  But My Fucking Mother kept bitching about how I was doing a load a week, and I think My Fucking Father started to bitch at how I had, like, two pieces of clothing that was wash warm/gentle-dry low.  Plus my old man is retired and needs shit to do during the day, so I just let him do it.  His one-cycle-fits-all routine will ruin all my clothes, but I need to keep the peace.

Got home from my night job last night to see that he did all the dark clothes that were in my hamper.  (I did do the whites Monday.)  But I saw something else: My yellow Abercrombie & Finch hooded, zippered sweatshirt hanging on my desk chair with a coat hanger.

How in the hell did he get a coat hanger?  Well, of course I know where he got one -- my closet.  Where, stuffed down near the floor and wedged against a hamper of clothes, lies my cum towel.

My Fucking Father is a perceptive son-of-a-bitch.  Cunning, too.  And although he's old, I'm sure he looked at all the shit that's in my closet and took a sniff, expecting something musty and instead getting something ... uh, cummy.

There's an outside chance he saw the towel.  Regardless, I'll have to toss that into storage before the next time he fucking invades my privacy and opens up my closet.  In the meantime, I'm sure he'll come down on me, either this morning or this weekend at dinner, by suggesting I should start throwing away the clothes sitting in the floor of the closet.  Half of those clothes is shit you two bought me, asshole.

Thanks For Jerking Me Around!

Well, a person who was following up on my screener I filled out online for a product test had tried to contact me a couple times -- at least according to her -- and she finally reached out to me through e-mail, where I can finally see that it wasn't some spammer trying to phish or spoof me.  She was trying to find someone that would test out this noise cancellation ... thingy, and with a quick phone call over morning break yesterday morning, I kind-of, sort-of gave her a yes.  It was all contingent upon being able to print out a form she was going to send me through e-mail, signing it, scanning it, then e-mailing that form back to her.  I had no idea whether I could get to a library in time to do it by yesterday or today, like she wanted, but for $400, I would try, or even go to a 24/7 Kinko's (I know it's not Kinko's anymore, but you know) after the test scoring job in order to do all of this.  I told her I would let her know.

I underestimated how much I would have inbetween jobs.  So after covering my ass by e-mailing at my day job that she can send the form now (I checked my e-mail; she hadn't sent it yet), I jetted off to the nearest library to the test scoring place, but goddammit, Google Maps did not say it was being rebuilt.  That's when I psychologically started thinking that maybe I did not want it after all.  So, I thought, I might somehow be too late to get this form in, but hey, this focus group meeting is clear on the other side of town, so maybe I wouldn't make it in time.  And besides, I would have to lie saying that I am in charge of procuring products for my company -- how would I be able to bullshit these people without getting thrown out?  I don't need this money after all!

Checked my e-mail after I aborted the library and just went straight to work; didn't see an e-mail from her.  One last-ditch effort after scoring, and I got an e-mail from her ... saying that never mind, she found someone who sent in the form.  Well, shit, thanks for letting me know now that you had someone else also in mind.  You keep asking me questions and goading me, but you had someone else in your back pocket just in case.  Thanks, woman.  YOU JUST USED ME!!!

Eh, whatever.  So I didn't get it.  I would have to go after work, and if I'm tired now, who knows how tired would I be in a couple weeks.  And besides, this focus group meeting is clear on the other side of town, so maybe I wouldn't make it in time.  And I would have to lie saying that I am in charge of procuring products for my company -- how would I be able to bullshit these people without getting thrown out?  I don't need this money after all!

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Once again I am working a double shift today, so I once again will make this survey short.

#0: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  Congratulations to the Golden Gopher softball team!  Although they fell short of winning the Big Ten Tournament in Bloomington, Ind. over the weekend -- they squeaked by Purdue and upset Northwestern before losing in the title game to Michigan -- Minnesota was awarded its first Regional since 2002.  Moreover, the NCAA placed the U. as the #7 overall seed -- meaning that if they get out of this weekend (in a field that includes Georgia, Drake and North Dakota St.), they will be in line to host a Super Regional Memorial Weekend, presumably against LSU.  And if the Gophers come through that, they will be in the Women's College World Series for the first time in program history.

But first things first ... and unfortunately, it may be a very tough sell getting out of its own Regional.  Mitchell Northam of NCAA.com just about describes this Regional as the Group Of Death.  Why that isn't ascribed to either Northwestern or Michigan (the two teams that finished about the Gophers in the conference regular season standings, but were named the overall #15 and #16 seeds, respectively) doesn't make sense.  I will be busy this weekend with work, but I hope to see any and all of the games on Sunday, when the Regional wraps up ... hopefully with Minnesota coming out victorious.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -3).  I feel really bad busting the Twins down to second place, what with the squad having the best record in Major League Baseball for most of the screening week.  But as of press time they are tied for third, a full Game behind Houston, after going 4-3 this week.  Their hot-like-a-pistol start has been mainly due to a lineup on steroids (sorry, couldn't resist), but it has been married with a rotation and bullpen that has, so far, been between adequate and lights-out.

Unfortunately the grandeur of baseball kicks in; it's not a sprint, but a marathon.  And even though the Twins' hot start should be a cause of celebration, and even though statisticians now say that Minnesota, not Cleveland, is the favorite to win the American League Central, a lot can happen over six months -- injuries can (and will) occur, players go on slumps, entire teams can have a horrific second half of the season.  This week, poor pitching performances by Miguel Pineda/Pinata has been matched by uncharacteristic ones by Martin Perez and Jose Berrios.  A four-Game split over the weekend vs. Detroit at Target Field, followed by a tight loss to Anaheim (where Berrios was not sharp) Monday/last night has erased that three-Game sweep in Toronto.  Are these hurlers' blips a sign of what's to come?

Two more games against the Angels, then they hit the road for four games over the weekend in Seattle followed by three more against said Angels.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4).  In a week-long stretch that ends the Siebert Field portion of their regular season schedule, the local college nine blanked South Dakota St., cancelled their Game versus Nebraska-Omaha, and won two-of-three against Maryland.  Still not sniffing the NCAA Tournament unless they win the B1G Tournament.  That starts after the Gophs wrap up the regular season with a three-Game series in Northwestern.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -1).  A 2-0 thud at Chicago.  But what is worse is that the XI's has now scored just two Goals in the past four Games.  Granted, it's the team's first loss in the past four Games, but Darwin Quintero is not playing like he's at 100%.  Hmmm, didn't we have a Striker who played well and largely stayed off the injured list?

Saturday they host Columbus.  There is rain and even thunderstorms in the forecast.  I wish I could bring in an umbrella.

Uh, Another Case Where My Fucking Father Is Being An Annoying, Insulting Asshole

So, Saturday night, while we're watching a news story about a girl who has had more than 100 brain surgeries graduating from college, My Fucking Father asks me, "So, how long has it been since you graduated from college?"  I knew he was fucking gonna say that.  I knew I should have changed the channel.

Yesterday morning I heard him stomping about, going to and fro, from the dining room to the pantry, which is right next door to my bedroom.  I heard him loudly banging the kitchen cabinet doors either Saturday or Friday morning.  He may not give a shit that he's being so loud so early in the morn, or he may passive-aggressively trying to wake me up because I should be up at the "right time."  In any case, as soon as I leave for EPL Decision Day/Championship Sunday, where I see him sweeping up the living room, he asks me what I'm doing.  And even though I thought it was important for him to know because it was Mother's Day, I forget that he pulls this shit all the time; I fall into his trap of, "Well, I'm gonna go exercise and then ..." and he immediately interrupts me and says, "Yeah, when you have time, why don't you clean your room?" again.

Oh, piss off.  That's why I left after we had Mother's Day dinner at home.  And that's why I am not cleaning my room, in fact.  Pssh.

Um, I'm Gonna Hold Onto My Umbrage

So I was working yesterday, and I was doing this thing where I needed to put down a fax number, but I didn't have it.  What usually happens -- well, at least what I thought was supposed to happen -- was that I would e-mail someone about getting it.  So, that's what I did.

A few hours later, I get back this e-mail saying that, instead of her sending it out, I am supposed to do this instead in order to look it up myself.

OK.  This came from my co-worker who uttered "I said" when answering my oh-so-innocuous question about a vegan restaurant.  There hasn't been any micro-aggressions from her in some time, so I thought it was cool.  And in the morning, before all this shit happened, she said hi to me in the hallway.  But I was surprised to see her, so I didn't say hi back.

Moreover, I understand that it is dangerous to glean tone from an e-mail.  Sometimes it's obvious that someone's telling you off.  Sometimes it's obvious that someone's not.  But sometimes it's not obvious.  And frankly, knowing our history, and knowing what happened this morning, and given that I'm paranoid by nature ... yeah, I'm not completely sure she's being condescending toward me, that she's basically saying, "Do this your damn self, Mr. I Don't Say Hi Back To People."

Now, to be fair, I've been working on a sleep deficit.  Last night I crashed after work and dinner -- two hours of sleep falling asleep just after United FC kicked off and I missed listening to the entire game, (they lost 2-0 to Chicago, so no big loss), then, after shutting off the radio, another two hours or so before remembering Emma Thompson was on Saturday Night Live (did she kill?).  So with rest, I think I can at least see that maybe she was just telling me what I needed to do.  Maybe she wrote that with the perspective that I'm learning.  (I don't really like that perspective, since I've done this before, and I can just chalk this up to making a mistake.)  And, maybe the bottom line is I didn't do it right; I talked to both my co-workers about the e-mail and they both said I was supposed to look up the number first.

But ... well, I'm a defensive son-of-a-bitch, so, um, I'm just gonna hold onto my umbrage, at least until I go back to work there Tuesday.

Feeling Scared For Work Today

I am being shifted to a job I haven't done in a long, long time for today.  I'm in this position because, well, it's Saturday, and even though our workweek ends Saturday, well, it's Saturday, and the company gives away personal time like candy, and so people try to get Saturdays off as often as possible.  That has happened for today, and one of my co-workers is taking a (well-deserved) day off.  Combined that with another co-worker working another department, at least for half the day, and that means I need to slide in to this position.

Now, I've done this job, mainly re-checking folders, from time to time in spots -- I'd take one or two folders and do them, whenever it looks like they're backed up or I'm bored and have nothing else to do.  But to be dedicated to this task, for four and possibly eight hours, and to be tasked to do it as quickly as possible, when it's been weeks if not months since I've last been asked to do so ... yeah, that scares the hell out of me.  I feel like I know I will screw this up.

I will have a co-worker helping me out on this -- That Bitch who, well, hasn't been that bitchy lately, at least to me, at least I don't think.  Whatever the case, it'll just be the two of us, so I assume that we will not have time to run into any friction.  But I gotta tell ya, I really wonder if she's going to do or say something passive-aggressive, especially if I struggle with keeping up with work.  And by the way, has she noticed that I haven't showered in two or three days?  Or that I have continued to wear the same pants to work for the whole week (something that I do on the regular)?  She could have.  Let the bitchy hijinks ensue!

Turns Out I Still Don't Know What The Fuck I'm Doing At Work (With Tone!)

OK, I should talk about the pissy tone my supervisor took in yesterday's e-mail to me.  I have been doing something wrong, and he decided he was going to point it out to me in an e-mail.  But fixing this problem, in my certain estimation, was not his main point.  His main point is this phrase: "We have discussed this already."

Ooh, have we?  Maybe me not understand is your goddamn fault.  Like I've said before, I hate people who say or insinuate something like "We have discussed this already."  I don't care what anyone else thinks: When someone says "We have discussed this already," your main point is not trying to correct a mistake, nor is it emphasizing the ridiculousness of repeating something that, maybe, might be complicated to understand.  You are making sure that the person you're talking to knows that you don't like to repeat yourself.  That is the main point you want to make.  Full stop, that's it, I don't want to hear any alternate interpretations.  And once again, to that main point, I DON'T GIVE TWO FLYING FUCKS HOW MAD YOU ARE THAT YOU THINK YOU NEED TO REPEAT YOURSELF TO ME.  I DON'T.  Just remind me what I need to do, then move the fuck on with your life.  That's what I'm doing.

Well, that is what I was doing until late in the day, where I got confronted with another thing.  Not to get into detail -- couldn't get into detail even if I wanted to -- but I was going to erase something until I saw a "being used" message, meaning that a person was putting in the thing that I was about to delete.  I thought my job was to delete this thing.  But why should I delete this if someone else -- someone else who probably knows better -- is putting this thing in?  So I didn't delete this thing that was just put in, nor did I delete the other thing that I was going to after this first thing.

So I was in a bind.  I'm now at risk of getting caught, and yelled at, for not doing my job and deleting those two things.  But what if I am wrong in my original thinking, and therefore, even though I did not delete both of those things, I will get yelled at for deleting two other things I had already deleted in this folder before I stopped myself in my tracks?  And by the way, I need to loop back up to the actual mistake in that pissant e-mail my authority figure sent to me, because, frankly, I did fuck up.  Many times, and I know that I had gone over this with him in the past, and I have done this mistake many times since while thinking, "Hey, am I doing this right?"  And I guess I didn't, though he didn't have to piss like a bitch in reminding me.

So my main takeaway with all this is that I have been at this job for nine or ten months now, and I still am both making mistakes I should not make and being confronted with things I don't understand, and it's really goddamn frustrating.  I should be past this by now, but this one-two punch of bullshit is really making me start to believe that I don't have the confidence of people above me that I can do this job.  I may not be perfect, but can I learn?  Or is this some final straw that gets me demoted, or worse?

Yeah, but anyway, he needs to fix his goddamn tone. ...

My Two Jobs Are Getting To Me

For my day job, it has now become routine for me to feel drowsy, really drowsy, between 8 and 11 a.m.  Thank God for The Stephanie Miller Show, even if it comes in with heavy interference through my Walkman.  But with not being able to sleep either immediately after work or after dinner because of the test scoring job, the supreme lack of sleep is getting to me, and it bit me as hard as it ever had yesterday evening while I was reading papers.  Man, between 5 and 7:15 I don't believe I was even awake.  I had to reread pages I thought I had read seconds ago, and I swear I had to stare at the page for two minutes before giving a score I had very little confidence in.

This is going to happen again tonight, especially since, well, I'm up to blog post this.  I swear I should just immediately plop into bed after I get home, and yet I never do.  I just hope to pass out before 2.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April

I have just realized that I have not even looked at the month of April because it's been hidden in my drawer the entire month.  That's what happens when you live with disapproving parents.

Anyway, from what little I can glean from this, I will make some snap judgments.  No sense at this point to try and carefully weigh the merits of these 14 beautiful babes:

• In a sign that the epidemic has not slowed down, there are five more women in this month that have made the cardinal sin of crossing their arms in front of their bodies, thus obscuring said hot bodies.  Show off your front!  Don't be afraid!
• The main girl, Heather of Addison, Tex., looks great in a two-piece.  But she has this expression on her face that, to me, reads frightened.
• The runner-up is Daryl, out of Peoria, Ariz.  Her back is mostly turned to us, but she is wearing a bikini bottom that is cut just enough to show off some sideass.  Like the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, this should be a sign that Hooters waitresses will be allowed more and more to show off full ass!
• The winner: Kansas City's own Michaela.  Cute blonde wearing a gold two-piece bikini, she has her hands sexily on her hips, thus showing off her fucking hot ab crack.

When I have time, probably after this night test scoring job is over, I'll jerk off to these women.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

I realized just now I have to do this real quick because I'm working two jobs today and might not make it home until 11, at which point I might be too tired to do anything.  Could've done this a few hours ago, but I had to blog post about my parents being rude to me, again.  Anyway, here's a truncated WMNSS:

#-1: United FC (Last Week: 0).  In a week where Twin Cities team took it on the chin, I am forced to give the top spot to the only one that did not lose: The Loons, who tied Saturday at Allianz versus a Seattle team which was suffering from runaway attrition due to injuries and suspensions.  The Cristian Roldan rebound strike was a beauty, but since that equalized Ike Opara's Free Kick Goal, plus my belief that MNUFC should have beaten such a depleted squad, it feels like a loss.  The bigger news, however, is the trade of once-captain Francisco Calvo to Chicago, and maybe I'll touch on it next week ... after United FC travel to Chicago to face the Fire Saturday night.

#-2: Gopher softball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Won two-of-three over the weekend over Northwestern at Cowles (weirdly enough, all three Games were shutouts), but that was not enough to overcome neither the Wildcats nor Michigan.  In a lopsided spread, the Gophers finish 20-2 in the Big Ten and are seeded third heading into the conference tournament this weekend in Bloomington.  Amber Fiser (who has won her sixth B1G Pitcher Of The Week Accolade) & Co. will play Friday night in the single-elimination tourney against either Rutgers or Purdue.  The Semifinal and Final will be played Saturday.  For what it's worth, College Sports Madness still projects the U. to host a Regional.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Won two-of-three at home vs. Houston, then lost two-of-three in the Bronx -- but hey, at least they won a Game!  Currently in the middle of a series in Toronto, but they blanked the Blue Jays yesterday (Monday) evening, 8-0, on yet another strong outing by Martin Perez, who has a new cutter and thus an impressive scoreless Inning streak going.  After Toronto and an off day, the club comes back home to face Detroit for four (including a Doubleheader for the rained-out 4/12 date) and the Angels for three beginning Monday.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  Hmmm ... 11-7 in the B1G and, ick, 21-23 overall.  The good news is they swept Ohio St. at Siebert, including an 18-Inning, 5-4 marathon win Saturday that pushed the second Game of a DH (which was created after Friday's Game was rained out) to Sunday.  Unfortunately, they lost at home to, ick, Wisconsin-Milwaukee Wednesday, 5-4.  This week they're busy: Back-to-back non-cons against South Dakota St. (tonight/Tuesday night) and Nebraska-Omaha (tomorrow/Wednesday night), then hosting Maryland for a trio.

Fuck You, Parents

Too tired to think about this too much, but let me say this: I was a fucking question.  And I don't you fucking people to laugh about this shit and then hang up.  And when I immediately call back, I want a real, honest-to-God answer, and I sure as fuck don't want to hear either of you fuckers chortle about some made-up amount of money I need to pay you back for getting my tires changed.  Take the money, by the way, Mother -- keep it as your Mother's Day present.  Get yourself something nice, fucker.

Oh, and through all this shit mess you put me through I lost of the Starbucks cards you gave me, Mother.  Goddammit -- if I could've just done this myself I would still have both.  Fuck you.  Fuck both of you.

I Just Want To State, For The Record ...

... that I was goaded into trying to get my new tires installed by this guy my parents know instead of the chain store place I wanted to go to.  Last night, when they finally gave me this person's contact information, they revealed that they got this recommendation from their (only) friend, who has used them twice.  But I was thinking that my folks know this guy, too.  No, it turns out -- they only strenuously recommended this person because their friend recommended him to them.  They have never used them for anything.  And they expect me to take my car over to a complete stranger ... who, by the way, does not have a shop and would be doing this out of his house garage???

I don't want to do this.  I want to bring this to an actual professional who, if things go wrong, I can blame for fucking up.  But both my parents' nagging has broken me.  I cannot defy them any longer, lest I get thrown out of the house.  So, I am waking up in several hours to call the tire people, again, and this time asking them to just hold the tires I ordered at its warehouse so I can pick them up.  If the customer service rep says that they have already sent them to the (second) place I wanted them installed, frankly, I'm going to ignore my damn folks and just pay the extra money so they can change my tires.  If they've already been sent, what's the fucking point of taking those tires and bringing them home?

However, if they have not gone out, I'll get the tires my goddamn self, take them home, and tell my parents, whose cockamamie idea this was, to go out to this rando and tell him to change the tires of my precious car.  Better believe that if anything fuckin' happens to my car, they're responsible.

Whether this works or not, I just want them to shut their goddamn mouths about this.  These people are so motherfucking cheap that they'll nag and nag and nag on me to take these tires from a professional shop to some guy (WHO THEY DON'T EVEN FUCKING KNOW!!!) because they can't stand me spending $130 more than I could otherwise.

(By the way, they would not even know about this shit if the original place I wanted to send these tires to did not leave a voicemail at the landline.  Didn't think of that, goddammit.)

I have this morbid dream that this guy fucks up the installation.  I'm driving my car back from work, there's a bend in the highway ... and one of the tires just pops off of the wheel.  I skid to a stop just as the semi behind me tries to veer around me, but fails.  No, that driver plows right into me, killing me just like that.  The police go to the house and break the bad news to my parents.  Upon investigation, where they find the popped-out tire sitting immaculately against the barrier of the highway and the police ask who installed the tires, they're going to goddamn fucking lie and say that going to some private citizen's house was my idea, that I was fanatical in getting these tires done for cheap.

I so hate my parents right now.  I really, really do.

Goddamn, one voicemail to the landline fucking blows up to this.  Want to get my tires changed, but the voicemail was the one from the first shop, the one that said they don't do Japanese cars.  Well, my parents heard the voicemail, and over dinner yesterday they kept digging and asking insipid questions before saying, "Hey, I know a guy who does this, and will do them cheap?"

This place (or this shop -- for all I know it's just a driveway) is owned by friends of the friend who is the best (and only) friend of my parents.  I don't trust that jerk-off, so I think that his friends'll do such a shitty job mounting my tires I'll either have to go back to them so they can correct their mistake(s), or go somewhere else -- assuming that such a shit job won't lead to, like, one of the tires rolling off the axle assembly while I'm driving on the highway.  At any rate, going back for re-balancing tires a second time basically eats away any savings I could get eschewing some chain store and its just-more-expensive prices.

I don't know what to do.  But the pressure's on to go to these jagoffs to get my tires replaced before guilt and resentment between me and my parents really kicks in.

I'm tired and don't want to think about this anymore.  I'm not thinking straight.

So, You Don't Want My Business?

Last night, after I blogged, I checked my e-mail and saw that I received a voicemail from someone from the tire shop that I wanted to switch my tires.  She said that they couldn't do that because -- and this blows my dick off -- they only work on European cars.  Wha-wha-WHAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!

Two things.  One, this place (and I'm not going to out them; I'll explain below) has had "Euro" in their name since the last time I went there, when I got tires switched on my old car.  And that was a Lexus.  If they worked on my Japanese car then, what prevents them from doing it now, 15 years later?  And two, I'm not saying I could do this myself, but I think that installing new tires and all the stuff that goes with that (what do you call it ... balancing?) is a thing any mechanic could do.  It's not a big deal to do this, at least not from my perspective.  So why in the hell are these people refusing my business just because of the national origin of the make of my car?

That shop, as well as the online tire shop, was actually going to go through with the shipment as is.  That meant that I would have to go this shop, pick up the tires myself, and drive them to a Japanese-friendly shop that would put them on.  That sounds fucking ridiculous to me.  Besides, will the tires fit in my car?  So yesterday morning I called the tire online store and asked them to send the tires to a different place, a franchise one.  Tracking my shipment online, it looks as though they were able to intercept my tires before it was physically shipped.  Better yet, this new place is open Saturday and Sunday; my first-choice shop is only Monday-Friday.  So, if these guys ship over the weekend, and if this new place gets my tires, it might be possible to go through this tire change Sunday/tomorrow, a day where I will have some free time.  These guys are part of a chain, so I'm scared I'll get shitty service.  But at least I've found a place that will take my business, for crissake.

I Am Phasing Out Of Time

I am starting to feel the effect of working days and then working nights.  I really didn't think the fatigue would hit me, but yesterday I had, possibly, the three deepest naps I have ever had -- over lunch and afternoon break at my full-time job, and then during my only break at the test scoring place.  Boy, I am tired.

So tired that I swear I did something without proof at work.  Don't want to get into specifics, but with a folder, if I see a problem, I need to document it so people in another department can start tracking it down.  To document that problem, we go to a screen to fill out information.  That's what I did -- I swear, that's what I did.  But upon checking that folder (which is something we always have to do to make sure we went through every single application in every single folder), I saw no record of it.  I asked for the folder back, and then another folder in case I got the wrong folder.  And then a co-worker, God bless her, helped me look for it.

We never found it.  It's as if the record of my documentation disappeared.  Or did it?  I think it's kind of strange to even envision, but I actually thought, after we looked everywhere, that I did this documentation Wednesday.  My co-worker pulled out that day's record and there was no indication I did any folders.  I eventually had to let it go because this was making me crazy.  But I don't know what is worse: Not being able to find this documentation anywhere, or thinking that I did this Wednesday, as if I am so tired from working two jobs that I entertained the thought that something I thought I had done mere hours ago I in fact had done a day ago.  If that were even plausible, I shouldn't be working two jobs.

Yeah, I Think I'm Going To Change My Tires ... Uh, Now-Ish

This might be paranoia, but last night and tonight, while driving to and from the test scoring place, my car felt really, really wobbly.  I was driving in the rain -- not a driving rain, but not a drizzle either -- and when I was turning I didn't feel in complete control of my car.  That's a hella scary feeling.

I know that my tires are old.  I think I am approaching four complete years of having this car, and I still have the tires that came with it.  But ... well, I got busy, plus I would rather wait too late than change the tires too soon and "leave" some "tread" on the Original Equipment tires.  Might as well get as much "value" out of them, right?

And besides, it had been a while since I checked the air in the tires.  I checked between jobs and, yes, they were all low, so after my workday ended I went to the gas station and pumped my tires up.  But that is where I finally noticed the tread bars that those arrows on the sides of tires are pointing to.  They are actually in the tread, and if they become flush with the tread, that means, well, you have no tread left.  And when I ran a penny across a couple treads, and then touched inside the groove and felt that there was no "inside" to touch (boy, I'm using a lot of quote marks on this blog post), I finally understand how bald my tires are.

Yeah, I'm suddenly feeling not very safe in these cars.  I'm guessing they'll be just fine in good weather.  But maybe, even with my tires properly inflated, these tires are as bad as I felt the last two nights.  Finally, we are going through a run of days with rain in the forecast, plus I want to see Grandmother's friend all the way on the other side of town this weekend, plus Mother's Day is next weekend, and knowing my bad luck, we'll get into a car crash because of the balding tires.

So that settles it.  I wrote in my previous blog post about all these expenses piling up.  I really wanted to delay getting tires until my credit card's next cycle.  But I can't wait much longer.  I'm doing it Monday.  Well, I want to wait to actually purchase the tires tomorrow (Friday) and hopefully get them installed Monday.  Hope to Buddha the shop I plan on sending my tires to can do it then, otherwise it'll be at least a week before I can finally change them.

This will set me back about $600, for tires and labor.  That was the main reason I wanted to push this tire change until after Memorial Weekend.  But not only can I not wait to switch these out, the sudden infusion of cash actually is allowing me to feel good about pushing up this expense.  The check from the Final Four actually doubled my checking account.  I get paid on Friday.  I think I get paid next week, plus I have yet another check for working the Final Four I can cash in next week.  After all that, I think I have enough money to completely pay off one credit card and its $1,700+ statement.  And then I'll have yet another payday from my day job one day before I need to start paying on my other credit card.  It's much less than $1,700 (before charging the tires), so I can carry over some of my charges and completely pay it off next month.

Now, I just need to survive on the road ... four-ish more days before I (hopefully) get the tires changed.  Have to drive everywhere around town, hither and yon.  Just have to drive slow and smart.  Man, I hope I don't get into an accident.

Money In, Money Out

I had blogged (in a tired daze, apparently) at how broke I am.  Well, I have gotten through the worst.  I can't cat around with my parents are here, so I'm not going to as many stripper parties.  I had worried about how much money I was going to make working the Final Four for a week; turns out that not only was my compensation fair, I was kind of surprised how much money I made.  When I get a stratospheric hourly rate compared with working for these guys for Vikings games, I cannot complain.  And even though doing this night test project will catch up to me (probably as I doze off on the road), I am getting a little more money -- and, if I overheard correctly, my biweekly payday for at the test scoring place will alternate with that of my day job, meaning I will be collecting money every week for the next six weeks!  Yippee!!  No more feeling as though I'm unemployed every other week!!!

I guess that's a good thing, because I still have massive bills I need to pay.  I still have, somehow, a $1,700 bill on one credit card, and I've built up a $500 bill on the other.  Though the money is coming in, it'll still take me two, probably three months till I am done with the charges I am responsible for right now.  And that does not take into account some big charges I either just made, will make soon, or want/need to make in the future:

• tabs for my car;
• insurance for my car;
• new tires for my car (aside: owning a car is very expensive);
• putting aside money for my alumni club's scholarship;
• a vacation in the fall;
• Mother's Day;
• Father's Day;
• putting aside a lot of money to change my car's timing chain, which I know will come next year at a cost of around two grand;
• and still using some money to rock out with my cock out -- a man has needs, after all.

I am glad that I have the extra money to pay for this all; it makes me feel like I can get ahead of this, even if I'm just deluding myself.  Plus, working evenings takes away chances for me to spend money.  Like I say, oftentimes I either am making money or spending money, but rarely doing both at the same time.  I just hope that I have enough money for all of this.

Maintaining a budget -- what's that???