My violent thoughts, where I relive past grievances and imagining taking revenge on them by yelling and/or hitting them ... they've come back, stronger and more vivid than ever, to the point where it's affecting my health. It manifests itself by making my blood boil, and then it hurts my heart to the point where I start to feel dizzy. I have been so worked up with bad memories that I feel as though I will pass out before. But the past week or so it has been extremely intense, as if continually dredging up these violent thoughts has finally caught up with my heart, and that I really could be having high blood pressure, or a heart attack.
Rest and thinking good thoughts help with this. But I feel my left arm is kind of weak, at most parts of the day. And without fail, my spacing out comes back to a time where I got unfairly screwed over, and my pressure would rise again and my chest feels heavy again and I feel light-headed again. Maybe it's the test scoring job, but I think cutting my work hours back down to eight should do the trick.
Nevertheless, I should speak to my doctor about this, right?
Oh, and if I die soon, remember this.
Rest and thinking good thoughts help with this. But I feel my left arm is kind of weak, at most parts of the day. And without fail, my spacing out comes back to a time where I got unfairly screwed over, and my pressure would rise again and my chest feels heavy again and I feel light-headed again. Maybe it's the test scoring job, but I think cutting my work hours back down to eight should do the trick.
Nevertheless, I should speak to my doctor about this, right?
Oh, and if I die soon, remember this.
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