I Thought There Were Clever Elves Living In My Front Yard

I'm at home because the water sprinkler person is coming to winterize/close down the sprinkler system for the season.  I got dizzy and therefore went to bed early (at least for me), around 12:30, and I woke up around 5:30 because, in all the drama surrounding the adjuster coming to the house yesterday afternoon (I'll blog post about that, but I thought I was going to blog post about it now), I forgot to turn off my alarm.  Luckily I fell back asleep around, oh, 7 and woke up around 10.

Groggy of course, I go to the bathroom and, of course, I look out to the front yard.  There's a tree.  It's a young one, but it looks about a dozen feet tall.  It's not planted where the previous tree was taken out earlier this year.  But it's there, and I didn't ask for it, and sure as heck no one told me about it.

No one told me about a utility company marking down water and gas lines in my front yard with paint, either, but I saw those over the past couple weeks or so, too.  I didn't have time to check with the city about the painted markings, but now, with a day off and some darn tree in my front yard, it was time.  So I called the city and, yes, they knew about it.  It was their plan to plant the tree, and since it involves digging a hole, the utility had to come out and mark where the gas and water lines are.

Ah, so I see.  One thing that gives me pause, though, and I guess I should have been more cognizant about this when people stepped onto the front yard to remove the old, diseased ash tree.  The person I spoke to at the city said that they can plant (and, theoretically, remove) trees because it's a "boulevard" tree ... and the front yard is city property.  Wait -- my front yard is city property?  So why in the hell am I mowing it half a dozen times a year?  If it's not my property (and I don't know how it could be my property if it's city property), why in the hell isn't the city coming over to mow the lawn?

Feh.  I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons; I asked what kind of tree it is.  I had thought that if we wanted a replacement tree for the front yard, we had to buy it and plant it.  So I had gone down a rabbit hole of trees that are good to plant in our climate, like this page.  I had dreams about what trees I wanted in the front yard, but the city obviously has other plans.  The city's supposed to get back to me.  Hopefully the tree up front is a hardy, Upper Midwest tree and not one that will get emerald ash borer.  

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher football (Last Week: 0).  Urban Meyer noted that these back-to-back Wins by the Gopher footballers may be the most impressive of ... did he say the P. J. Fleck era?  If so, he can't be wrong.  Oh, sure, Michigan has an anemic Offense and, IMHO, that handed the Gophers the victory.  But you have to admit that you would think that previous U. football clubs would lose to the Wolverines.  These guys didn't.  In fact, they came back to defeat Michigan, with the help of 13 Points off a trio of inexplicable Wolverine Turnovers.

I was on the field working the Game Saturday.  Around Halftime it didn't feel as though the Gophers were capable of getting back into it, let alone winning it.  But somehow, they won The Little Brown Jug for the first time since 2014 and won it at home for the first time since 1977.  I could sense that the crowd was ready to storm the field when victory was at hand.  And when it did happen, all I could do is swing around and see the youth of Minnesota jump out of their chairs and bleachers and take to the field.  And all I could think was, "Be young.  Have fun."

And this Saturday they travel to Purdue, who truly sucks.  This probably is going to be an impressive three-Game winning streak the Gophers will have.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I'm sounding like a broken record, but the Vikings' Defense (and Special Teams) is carrying the Offense right now.  That one-sidedness works in beating (barely) a winless Miami Dolphins squad whose Quarterback, Malik Willis, goes 0-for-4 passing on Third Down.  But besides T. J. Hockenson, who had a monster day (13 Catches on 13 Targets for 119 Yards), there is still something painfully wrong on that side of the ball.  And it looks as though that pains Head Coach Kevin O'Connell, who knows his forte needs to start doing their fare share. On the other hand, it's possible the Vikings can beat the Saints in New Orleans Sunday just by kicking Field Goals again, and so they would enter the bye Week a perfect 5-0.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (NEW SEASON!).  Started the season sweeping Bemidji St. at Bemidji.  All well and good, but like I always say, the only Games that matter to this program are the ones vs. Wisconsin and Ohio St., who are now a clear tier (maybe two) better than the U.  How will/could that decrease in stature change now they're under the direction of a Head Coach who insists on putting his nickname in his online bio?  (Seriously, he's listed as "Greg 'Boom' May."  Isn't that ... weird?)

The U. hosts something called The East/West Showcase.  Interesting -- they play Maine at Ridder Friday evening and ... Bemidji St. again Sunday afternoon?!?!  The fuck kind of schedule is this?!?!?!

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -2).  This XI's only meaningful action came Friday, when they dominated Maryland, 4-0.  But they have a herculean task ahead of them this Week.  They visit second-ranked Michigan tonight/Thursday night, and then they host current #6 Ohio St. Sunday afternoon.  It looks like they're playing well enough to get on the good side of the bubble.  They'll get pushed off that bubble if they lose both Matches, of course, but if they can draw or even win one of these ... well. ...

#-4: Wild (NEW SEASON!).  The drama surrounding this anonymous team that many consider a dark horse candidate to win The Stanley Cup is all due to Quinn Hughes, last Year's big acquisition and arguably a Top Ten player in the NHL, beginning the season without signing an extension.  Hughes has been quite coy as to why that's the case.  Meanwhile, fans are shitting bricks wondering if he wants out and, if so, can General Manager Bill Guerin get even 50 cents on the dollar to flip Hughes.  This will be a pain-in-the-ass as long as Hughes doesn't sign.

And yet the Wild won their first two Games of the season, 3-1 in Nashville and then 4-1 in their home opener versus Boston.  But then they blew a two-Goal lead and lost in Overtime to Buffalo.  OK, so the Mild aren't going 84 (?)-0.  But they so far look good considering the Hughes Sword of Damocles and the long-term injury to Defenseman Brock Faber after taking a puck to the face.

Very busy screening Week ahead -- at both Florida schools, then they host (Las) Vegas Monday night, then they travel up north to face The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers.

#-5: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  Swept Northwestern Thursday but lost in four Sets to Wisconsin.  Both Games were at home.  And I can remember not too long ago that the sixth-ranked Badgers would come into the Sports Pavilion and piss down their pants.  Those days are long gone.  They travel to Rutgers and Ohio St. this Week.

#-6: Gopher men's hockey (NEW SEASON!).  One of the most storied programs in top-flight men's college hockey started their season getting swept at ranked Michigan Tech.  They were supposed to play Friday, but the ice was so bad that pushed both Matches back to Saturday and Sunday.  Doesn't matter; this is not a promising start for new Head Coach Brett Larson.  They're off for the next Week or so.

#-Infinity: Twins (Re-Entry!).  I'm tired, so all I can say is that, while ownership this season at least tried by trading for some Bullpen arms, the same anonymous fate befell this Year's squad similar to last Year's -- a below .500 Year.  I can't give the Pohlads any credit for saying they tried.  Try harder!!  Succeed, goddammit!!!

The woman who looked at the house Monday texted me at work yesterday saying the claim with the insurance company has been filed.

What does this mean?  I don't know all the ins and outs.  But Mother said, when I spoke to her also on Monday, that if they can get reconstruction on the house going, they'll be flying home to oversee it, probably next month.

Well, on the one hand it sucks that they're not going to just stay away from Minnesota for a whole year even though it's now the coldest time of the year (or at least it should be -- damn you, El Nino).  On the other hand, I don't have time to oversee people re-do the house's roof, siding and gutters.  Plus, this is my parents' idea.  If they want this done, they can come home and watch the house.  In the meantime I need to work ... and then at night go to concerts ... or sporting events (like I did last night -- USMNT beat the Canadians, 1-0!) ... or plays ... or do nothing.

Glad I got that off my chest.

I Am Just Doing This Blog Post To Get Back On Schedule

I'm going to the USMNT-Canada Friendly tonight, so I might be too tired to blog post tonight, so I'm just doing this now.  Alas, I also have a volunteer event tomorrow night, and I might be too tired to blog post once I get back then, but I'll worry about whether I'll have time to blog post tomorrow's blog post tomorrow.  I'm busy and I'm tired, what can I say?

Booty Call Answered

Well, ******a couldn't make it -- crossed wires; she could have stayed in the area, but I didn't know how long I was going to be at work, I realized I could come home at a decent hour and even have the roofer inspect the house, but she was out in the western part of the area -- but I just got money and I wanted to get wanked, so I lit up a solar flare to both *****y first, then ******e.

They both got back to me late.  ******e texted saying she was taking a nap.  That was after *****y got back to me saying she turned her phone off because she was seeing the movie Verity.  I was going to go exercise, but *****y, after checking, made it work, and even though it took a little while for me, she, uh, got me off.  She looked sexy tonight -- tight black dress that hugs her curves and BBL, ponytail, and glasses she kept one while wanking me!

Glad I stayed home!

Another Conflict Preventing Me From Seeing My ATF

My parents now seems hellbent on getting the roof fixed.  Don't know why, but I think tomorrow/Monday, after work, a second person is going to inspect it, and maybe the siding, too.  Look, I don't know the first thing about home insurance, so I'm just going to defer to Father and this roofer and the insurance company (maybe, this is an insurance company after all).  It's yet another thing I've been thrust into "knowing" because Father wants it done.

What I know, and care, about is that it might be cock-blocking me from ******a coming over.  See, this all started late last week, when Mother asked me to call her while I was at work.  Once I got home, I called her, and she told me this second roofer wants to see the roof Saturday morning.  That would've worked until, like, Wednesday, when I picked up a gig at the Gophers football Game.  (Glad I took it, if only to have a great vantage point of the fans storming the field after they beat Michigan at home for the first time since '77.)  Mother gave me the roofer's number to text an alternate day and time.  We agreed on Monday evening, which is a little late considering the time of night the Sun sets nowadays.  But Mother wants this done ASAP, even though I have Friday free.

Once we agreed to Monday, ******a texted me.  She has been busy, plus she is dealing with a bad back that appears to be preventing her from giving me a massage, but out of the blue, she asked me what I was doing ... Monday.  Shit.  I told her what's happening, so right now, I'm going to text her once she's done.  She wasn't totally committing, either, because she doesn't want to come over too late.

There are so many variables to deal with this -- when within the two-hour time period she gave me she can get here, how long she's going to be here, if I can get home earlier than that, etc.  The big wrinkle, in my estimation, is that this roofer is friends with my sister's best friend.  This roofer actually re-did my sister's best friend's roof last year.  In fact, I want to say that my sister's best friend gave Mother the roofer's information.  Well, I think I said this here on WAF before, but my sister's best friend lives down the street from me.  And by the way, the roofer apparently is friends with my sister's best friend.  Now, imagine that once she gets done inspecting the roof, she'll just mosey on down and talk to my sister's best friend for a while.  If they're there talking long enough, maybe they'll notice that someone's dropped by my house for a visit.  And then the roofer (and maybe my sister's best friend -- who knows, maybe she and Mother are besties now) will tell Mother, and then she'll ask, "Who visited you?!?!?!"  Fuck that shit.

So I'm trying to see if the roofer might be able to reschedule.  Mother won't like that she might not come tomorrow/Monday, but I need to get all my muscles worked over (including the one that matters the most, hint-hint), and I want that HE in peace.  Maybe it'll work.  Or, maybe this will be the second time ******a has offered to touch me, only for me to decline because I have plans.  First it was the WNBA Draft (Olivia Miles doesn't look so good now that she was benched for all of the Second Half of Game 2, so me throwing my glasses on the table when she was announced as the pick now seems prescient), and now it's this roof inspection I'm told needs to be done.  Bad timing is so much of my life.

For The First Time In A Long Time, I'm Trying Something New

I will be working a game today, and I will be working as a parabolic microphone holder, or a "parab."  I don't know if you've seen these people holding these clear, curved cups or dishes in front of them, but today, that'll be me.  It is my first time ever being a parab, and it's scaring the hell out of me, but I think that is the definition of "growth," such as it is.

Strange how I got this job.  I've worked this type of production before, but while I knew the company would be in town, they had not said they were hiring until this week, and technically Wednesday, three days before the game.  Then, I was sent an e-mail asking for people who could be parabs and, this is important (at least in my mind), no experience is necessary.  You don't come across opportunities like that too often, especially at my age.  But I wanted to demonstrate I wanted to be a part of this company's production, and the pay is pretty good.  Plus, I need to spread my wings a bit.  I don't work games from the sideline too often, so this will be fun to experience.  Well, until a football player runs into me.  That's what I'm really scared of.

Anyway, I answer this e-mail that I am interested.  I then go through e-mails I received after that ... and that's when I see an offer to work this same production, but in a capacity I've worked at before.  I said yes to this, but the person making hiring decisions texted me and said I'm working the parabolic.  OK, but what about this other job?  I would prefer to continue on a position I've done with these guys before, so now that I'm not, am I showing this production that I'm flexible, or has a door been shut because I go through e-mails in order, answer them one by one, and was pegged to the first job I said yes to?  Because I know there are a few people there I'm familiar with, and it'll be strange to see them where they always are and I am not, and I have no assurances I can go back to my old job ever again.

I get uncomfortable in unfamiliar surroundings, and that's why I'm getting a bit testy.  This will always happen when I go to somewhere new, but I don't know where I'll be today, I don't know who I'll work for, and so I don't know how it'll turn out.  I know how things are with the position I've been at before, but I don't understand how I wasn't even considered to come back.  Because I would have said yes, they just didn't say anything until three days ago.

Well, alas and alack.  I have a few hours before I need to report.  Maybe not the best idea, then, to blog post now, and then eat those leftover mozzarella sticks from Applebee's Thursday night.  (I'm chasing them down with a Coke at 2 in the morning as well.)  But I was crashing around 7 in the evening, so I listened to my body and went to sleep, only to wake up a bit past midnight.  Hopefully I won't be asleep as I stand during the game.  That's a surefire way to be tackled by a football player on the sideline.

So on a whim I went out to Applebee's last/Thursday night for the first time in at least a decade because I want to try their O-M-Cheese, this dish where a burger is cut in half, then the flat side of both halves are sat down in a layer of melted cheese in a skillet alongside a plate of fries.  Very good, but there was Thursday Night Football (Cleveland survived Pittsburgh) and a pair of winner-take-all First Round Game 3's (Atlanta over Philadelphia in baseball, then Las Vegas over Indiana in women's basketball) still to watch, so I ordered a side dish of mozzarella sticks, which were half-off to end the night.  And then a guy from the end of the bar offered me a few mozzarella sticks of his own, to which I wholeheartedly said yes.  And then I thought I could eat all this mozza sticks ... and then my stomach said I couldn't.  So I brought two of the three sticks I was given by this kind strangers home with me.  I said aloud at Applebee's that it's impossible to re-heat mozzarella sticks, and now I am faced with doing such a task.

I can't eat as much as I used to, nor as much as I think I can.  Hate that.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  This may be the most impressive victory the Gopher footballers have had under P. J. Fleck since Penn St.  I gave the Gophs pretty much no chance of going into Seattle and beating a Washington club that received a few votes in the polls.  But they raced out to a 21-10 Halftime lead, looked really good while doing it, and then held on to win.  Like I alluded to, when's the last time Fleck and his team upset someone, let alone on the road?  That is why I elevate the U. gridiron boys above both all the other local sports teams and negative numbers.  But can they continue on this run versus a Michigan team run by a legendary Head Coach (Kyle Whittingham) in his first Year.  If there's any season to take down the Wolverines and get The Little Brown Jug (and they're playing at Huntington Bank Stadium), it's this early Saturday afternoon.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I still don't know how they're doing it.  Featuring a Third Quarter that had nine possessions alone, the Vikes managed to go 3-0 after going into Tampa and beating the Buccaneers late Sunday afternoon, 23-16.  Will Reichard should get some lush hosannahs, but right now, the Defense is carrying this team.  Isaiah Rodgers is fast becoming a household name and a highlight reel onto his own, but Dallas Turner may be The Most Improved Player In The NFL.  He seems to "get it" now, and he is developing moves that will terrorize Offensive Lines for years to come.  The only problem is that the Offense still isn't jelling: Kyler Murray, in his first Game back since suffering a concussion in Week 1, went only 15-of-29 for 168 Yards and a sweet Touchdown to Jordan Addison, which is his first TD of the season.

I'm getting paid to watch the Vikes host Miami late Sunday afternoon.  But since this is a Minnesota sports team, if I am a betting man, I would jump on the Dolphins as much as my fear allows.  Fun fact I heard last Week: Miami is the only team in the NFL that has not had a snap in the Red Zone.  That will change Sunday -- mark my words.

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5).  Going to the Hoosier State, they beat Indiana Thursday, 2-1, but got blitzed by Purdue, 3-0, where all three Goals were scored over a span of ten Minutes early in the First Half, ouch.  Looking at one women's soccer bracketologist, Minnesota is not projected to be in the NCAA bracket.  But hey, maybe things can change beginning with tomorrow/Friday night's Rock The Robbie! Game vs. Maryland.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  I'm realizing there's going to be a lot of talk about Head Coaches in this Week's WMNSS.  Let's begin with Keegan Cook, whose Minnesota volleyballers started B1G play with a pair of four-Set defeats, at Illinois Thursday and home to ranked Oregon Saturday.  That has prompted a few volleyball diehards on a sports chatroom to begin the death watch on Cook.  And frankly, I can't blame them; Cook has been very underwhelming.  This Week they're home to host Northwestern tonight/Thursday night and sixth-ranked Wisconsin early Sunday evening.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -7).  With a 3-1 Loss to Seattle, that's now five Losses in a row for the Loooooooooons, and they now sit next-to-last in the West, six Points behind the final playoff spot.  It's sad and maddening to see this XI rack up the defeats, and only now (IMHO) have they started to look like they're giving up.

And yet ... I got kind of into it on Bluesky over whether Cameron Knowles should continue to lead this squad.  I mean, some people think he should be fired right now.  I'm in the no camp.  MNUFC is trending in the wrong direction, no doubt.  But I believe the big problem is talent acquisition.  They lost or let go of four players (Dayne St. Clair, Robin Lod, Joseph Rosales and Hassan Dotson who, by the way, scored the Game-winning Goal in the Sounders' Win over the Loooooooooons) before the season started and haven't really bought someone who could link up play in the offensive third or finish (and no, James Rodriguez doesn't count, even though I bought his Colombia jersey, sue me).  While some see players not developing under Knowles' reign, I see guys who aren't up to snuff.  Now, I will say that their competence on Set Pieces is something that's gone missing.  But I'm pinning this lost season on the Front Office, not the Manager.  Besides, teams change Head Coaches too often in international soccer.  Oh, and finally, I heard Knowles is a nice guy off the pitch.

Off till the 10th, when they face Houston at Allianz.  So glad I have a conflict.

#-Infinity: Lynx (Last Week: -4).  I, I, I ... can't with this team.  I hope to God I'm not harder on the Jynx than I am with any other local sports team because of my misogyny.  (Wish I had a stable mother.)  Because, goddammit, fuck this team.  This year they had all the goddamn excuses at the ready as to why they became the first #1 seed to lose in the First Round of the WNBA Playoffs: The Liberty had a lot of Wins for an 8-Seed, New York has championship mettle, Olivia Miles is a rookie, Napheesa Collier still needed time to round into shape (I thought she already fuckin' did that), the refs fucked 'em ... blah-blah-blah, not only did they lost, not only did they get swept, they were completely uncompetitive in either Loss.  You can't just insult them merely asking in jest which team is actually the 1-Seed and which the #8; the Jynx looked like The Worst Team In The WNBA who miraculously stumbled into the postseason like Forest Gump.

I keep thinking about this, and I've come around to a change that I didn't think is possible and one I think many Jynx fans will regard as blasphemy: Cheryl Reeve needs to go.  I don't like it, and I am sure that she is a good person whose morals I love.  But shit, man, that team should have the past three league titles, and yet they are still without a championship since 2017.  And beyond the ritual humiliation that happened these past two Games were the strange moves and comments by Reeve after it.  The size the Liberty threw on the court completely locked down the Jynx, and Olivia Miles, who was just named Rookie Of The Year, has seen that achievement immediately tarnished when she was benched for the entire Second Half of Game 2, and that was after her shitty showing in Game 1.  And then Reeve said that the Jynx, who led wire-to-wire in the W, wasn't supposed to win the title this Year?  And then she says that she feels no pressure because she's a Hall Of Fame Coach??  Did she really say that???  Are you fucking kidding me???  That may be her trying to defend her players or deflect from a colossal failure, but this team has in fact retreated from a WNBA title stage by stage, from the WNBA Finals to the Semifinals to the Quarterfinals.  This franchise is going backwards, and Reeve, as Head Coach and General Manager, has to be held accountable.  Sorry not sorry.

This may be my emotions talking, but fuck it -- blow up this team.  Collier's a Free Agent, and since she's coming off a disastrous last month of play, she can chase that paper elsewhere.  Miles, for all her preternatural talent and success, still needs to bone up on Defense and learn how to get around bigger players.  And fuck it, get bigger!  I don't care if this means wasting two or three Years of Miles' career; it's time to turn the page, let go of Reeve's favorite players (alongside Reeve), and get a Coach and a roster hungry to win.  There's something that has ossified behind the scenes with this organization.  I thought that a championship or two or three would mean that putting up with that rot was worth it, but it has only turned the Jynx into The Buffalo Bills of the W.  Start the fuck over with this sorry-ass team.

The Mailing Tabs Saga Is Over (With A Twist)!!!

Well, at least Federal Express did its job.  Exceeded it, actually; while at work yesterday/Tuesday, Mother texted me saying she got the second tab from me.  Thank goodness.  Now maybe she can't get off my back.

But here's the thing.  She got the FedEx package at 11:06 a.m. their time -- a hell of a lot sooner than the 5 p.m. deadline I was given when I sent the second tab Monday evening, so kudos to them.  But at 11:57 a.m. their time, the first tab I sent through the United States Postal Service arrived.  It was almost four goddamn days late, but it arrived.  So I wanted to send one tab, for a whole weekend and then some Mother fucking freaked out because she had zero tabs, and now she has two/both.  Fuck us.

In the morning I will make one final journey out to the downtown post office, this time to get the refund I deserve.  They guaranteed the first tab would get there Friday evening, and it didn't, and the guy told me Monday morning I'm entitled to a refund, so that's what I'm going to do.  Damn, if this Republican government wants to break the government in order for the people to believe the government can't do anything so that services get privatized so that Republicans can get even more money ... well, they're doing too fucking good of a goddamn job.