The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

I went to bed early last night, then I had work, then I saw MNUFC practice close to my house, then I had to talk to My Mother, who drained me of my will to live (naturally), and so I now have the time to do the WMNSS just less than an hour before the day turns.  I will do this quickly:

#0: United FC (Last Week: -4).  My good feelings for the Loons might be buoyed by the fact I saw this in a crowd, but I'm glad I did.  Saturday they were down in Columbus, 2-0, and they looked like a team that deserved to lose their third Match in a row.  But suddenly, they showed a resilience I haven't seen in these guys, or any local team for that matter, when they were in a bad deficit.  Three Minutes after the Crew scored their second, Kelvin Yeboah pulled one back.  Seven Minutes later, Yeboah scored again to tie.  Then eight Minutes after that, Anthony Markanich scored the Game-winner.  All three came on Set Pieces, by the way, so they shall be nicknamed Set Piece FC.

I can't remember the last time this XI came back to win after being down by more than one Goal, let alone on the road.  But if they can do that, they've got the moxie to never give up on any Game, and that's something I want to see from teams I'm rooting for.  Now, do they have the endurance now that they're coming up on playing three Matches in a calendar Week, beginning with a home date with Austin Sunday, followed by The Colorado Rapids at Allianz Field on Wednesday?

#-1 (tie): Timberwolves and Wild (Last Week, respectively: -1 and -1).  I thought about separating these conjoined twins because their respective Second Round series has been different.  The Wolves survived to pull off the upset of the Spurs in San Antonio in Game 1 on Monday, only to get the shit beaten out of them in Game 2 on Wednesday.  I'm very happy the T-Wolves have home-court advantage in the sport that parcels out the strongest home cookin', but I'm afraid that Game 2 reinforces the prediction most of us have, namely that San Antone would just run Minnesota out of the gym.  Might still happen, but that Game 1 Win allows us to dream.  A-Wooo!!!!!!!!!

Meanwhile, the Wild look cooked going down 0-2 to The Bastard Quebec Nordiques.  They're a fast, skilled-skating team ... kind of like what the Mild were in playoff seasons past.  Hey, I thought fast, skilled-skating teams usually get drilled in the postseason in favor of bruising, physical ones -- how come Colorado can run rings around Minnesota?  Still, this is hockey, and even though road teams are basically .500 (which means the Mild could get swept), I can feel as though Jesper Wallstedt can get his mind right and bring the series back even just by himself, and I don't need to provide evidence of that feeling beyond saying this is hockey.  Also, they beat The Bastard North Stars, and that means a fuckin' lot to me.

In the end, I couldn't separate the two.  This is the first year where both teams advanced past their respective First Rounds -- let alone on the same night, let alone at home.  They both tie last screening Week.  And if they both get eliminated, they'll end tied this screening Week.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  In their final series on the road, they won two-of-three at Penn St.  Will they reach the B1G Tournament?  I don't know, I'm not familiar with the format.  They host Michigan for three this weekend.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -3).  I had to re-check that the Twinks went 3-3 this Week because it felt like they went 3-333.  It's the fault of the Bullpen, who ain't worth shit right now and have piled on more chokejobs.  This organization is not giving any paying sports fans a reason to even be curious about how they're doing ... well, unless they want to see a shitshow in the late Innings.  And yet despite all of that, they're only 3 1/2 Games out of first in the AL Central (and yes, they are last in the Division).

#-Infinity: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  Finished the regular season losing two-of-three at Northwestern.  That put them 7-17 in The Big Ten ... which is good enough for twelth and a spot in the conference tournament ... where they lost to five-Seed Washington yesterday/Wednesday afternoon, 4-2, to end their season.  And I don't think there's an NIT or College Basketball Crown or anything like that.  Is Piper Ritter in danger of losing her job?

Hooters Ain't The Only One

I swear there has been a rash of restaurant closings this year that I lament.  They don't hurt as much as Hooters, of course.  And honestly, I have been trying to come up with a list, but can't think of too many.  I've already talked about the Taco Bell that was near me.  (By the way, nothing has gone in in its place yet.  Taco Bell disappeared, furnishings and signage and all, in a day, but that place has remained empty for weeks now.  The hell?)

The one that comes to mind right now is the local Subway.  When I was in high school, the place where it was, located at a strip mall not too far away from the high school, was the place to be, sad as it might seem now.  But it was dependable and good enough, and so that's where we all went (and for me, to get those stamps you lick and stick on those cards in order to get a free sub).

What the owners of that place more than several years ago was move to an even bigger place across the street.  That's investment, and I love that.  It was clean, and I was treated well every time I went there.  Unfortunately, it was empty too much of the time.  I wanted to go there more often, but there are so many other places to eat out, both in the fast food and the fancy lanes.  I tried to support them whenever I had the urge to, but it wasn't enough.  A few weeks ago, when I drove by during the day, I didn't see their "OPEN" light on and there was no car outside.  And maybe last week, all the Subway signage was taken down.  I feel sad because it feels as though the owner took a risk based on previous success, but whether it was the bigger size of the restaurant, the new location, something else, or all of the above, it, well, backfired.

And even though it's not my responsibility because I can't eat out every single day or else I'll go broke, I worry about the places I eat out at going under.  There's that speakeasy I haven't been to since March Madness.  It's expensive to go there, but I still want it to be around when I want to go there.  And there's a mom-and-pop panaderia close by me.  Their pastries and croissants and baked goods are fantastic, and the layout looks lush and wonderful, and I barely see anyone whenever I go there.  I hate to come across it one day and see it gone.  But again, I'm not made out of money.  What can I do?

I blame Trump.  Seriously, with all the shit he's done in order to line his pockets, I think it's sensible to blame his corrupt ass.

More Strainer Frustrations

So I blog posted about forgetting about putting in a strainer in the master shower for, like, a month or so.  Now, for the second time this year, as I was letting the washing machine wash my dirty clothes tonight/Monday night, I went downstairs once the machine was done to see the strainer dislodged from the drain.

Maybe I should remind you (I'm thinking I've blog posted about this before) that the drain coming from the washing machine isn't connecting to some drain pipe that automatically feeds down the main line and out of the house.  It's pointed right into the laundry room basin.  It's just pointed in there.  But, as I get occasionally reminded (especially these past two times this year), the force of the water coming out of the washing machine is enough to push the strainer, which is just sitting on top of the drain, off of the drain.

These two times I see the strainer popped out and just laying on the basin.  I also see wetness around the main drain on the floor.  If there is not anything holding back the water in the basin, there's so much water flowing through the pipe leading out of the house that it backs up, and to relieve pressure, it rises up through the cover on the floor's drain.  Hate when that happens.

And the thing is, when I was getting the clothes washed last/Monday night, I thought about checking in the middle of the wash to make sure the drain didn't dislodge like that.  But I was too busy zoning out on my laptop and TV.  If I had gone down there, I might have been able to put the strainer back in its place -- not in time, but possibly with enough time (if that makes any sense) that all the clumps of lint and fuzz wouldn't have gone into the drain and through the pipe.  I now have these unrelenting thoughts that the septic tank is backed up with all the crap that would've been trapped by the strainer, and I hate that I wouldn't pry my eyes from the two screens I had on and go downstairs to prevent that from happening.  Dammit, I hate myself right now.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2026

I've gotta admit that my enthusiasm for doing these monthly reviews has completely subsided now that the local Hooters has closed.  It's not as if the women I'm reviewing and jerking off to were working at MOA, but I had this ... well, irrational and vicarious feeling that they could.  Now that the closest Hooters is in, I think, Iowa, the servers in this calendar are just pictures to me.  There was literally no chance that I would meet any of these hot babes in person before, but now that there is no Hooters at the Megamall anymore, there is absolutely no chance.

But soldier on I will till the end of 2026.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a trend that I don't like: The crop top.  I like crop tops so long as the Hooters waitress wearing it isn't wearing anything underneath.  This isn't porn, however, so of the five Hooters girls who are wearing bare-belly shirts, four of them obviously  are wearing bikini tops underneath, and I'll just go ahead and assume that the fifth is wearing one, too.  That is way too much clothing for my liking.

There are a dozen servers for this month, and I can point out four of them.

In fourth place is Maddie, out of Loveland, Colo.  Dark blonde wavy hair, she is sporting a two-piece yellow bikini.  She's got a nice figure, but the things that place her on this list are her smile and the fact that she's wearing a cowboy hat with the Hooters logo.  Yep, that's enough for me.

In third place is Alyssa, from Newark, Del.  Long black hair, she's wearing a two-piece that is light purple/lavender in the important spots and are connecting with lime green string.  She's smirking.  With her left hand she's tugging down at at the middle of her bikini top.  And with her right hand she's placing/fake-tugging the knot that's holding up her bikini bottom.  It's all intimation, but yep, that's also enough for me.

In second place is Taylor, hailing out of O'Hare, Ill.  (Not O'Hare Airport, but the city of O'Hare, which I didn't know until now is a city in Illinois.)  The brunette is wearing a patterned two-piece bikini.  While she's tugging at the middle of her top, she's pursing her lips, and honestly, what I like about her is that she gives off a tomboy vibe.  She certainly doesn't look like a Hooters girl.  That makes her more real, and more approachable.

Finally, in first place is Anna.  The server with very long black hair (it goes all the way down to her hips, in fact) and deep and glistening black skin is sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's first because she is one of the few women from the now-dead Hooters at The Mall Of America I've seen in these calendars.  And, I was lucky enough for her to sign this calendar, right on her own picture.

Now that I've written my thoughts down, I realize that I spotlight all four because of technicalities.  Sadly, that is the nature of a very blah month that is further weighed down because most of the women are wearing too much clothing.  But don't worry -- I have already pleasured myself to this month.  Congratulations to Anna and the rest, and I hope Anna has found new and gainful employment.

The Impending Death Of Zynga Poker

Some time last week, Zynga Poker announced that they were shutting down around September.  They said Facebook/Meta no longer would support their ... coding infrastructure, or something.  Features within the game, like the slot machine, apparently are going to be done away with sooner than that.

This is like when they (and I'm not sure if Zynga is going to continue Poker somewhere else, although I think that's possible) killed off Mafia Wars.  I was sad, and I guess I'm still a bit bummed, but that was almost a decade ago, and I've been able to cope.  Same here.  And, like with Mafia Wars, even though I enjoy playing it, there are mechanisms within the game designed to keep you hooked, and eventually those things felt more like obligations because you were afraid of what you would lose or miss out on if you didn't play every day.  That will be taken out of my hands come September, so I will deal with the mixed feelings I'll feel then.

Only Ten Minutes, Laptop Battery??

My laptop battery is close to kaput now.  I had it completely full when I unplugged it just now so I could listen to AI jazz through YouTube while washing the dishes.  As I was in the middle of my chore, it stopped, it put itself into sleep mode, chimed the sleep chime, then went dormant which, according to this laptop, means it just goes to the lock screen, which is good because before, when it had no energy left, it would just go black.  By the way, I don't know when it went from going completely dark to going to the lock screen, but whatever happened or what prompted that change, good call!

Of course, since this happened about ten minutes after I unplugged my lap, this computer pretty much is a goner.  I'll need to get a new one because this one doesn't have the capacity to get Windows 11, but now I need to make sure this is plugged in if I ever want to be on this for a long period of time.  That shouldn't be a challenge, but it's one I now need to be cognizant of until I am forced to buy a new one, which should be some time in the fall.

On other thing: If I recall correctly, this is the second battery in this laptop.  I had it switched about four years ago because the very first battery simply had no juice.  That second battery had draining issues from the get-go, which leads me to believe that the motherboard or something else on this computer is the real culprit.  Again, whatever it is, I need to replace the whole thing before the year is out.

Farewell, Neighbor (Whom I've Talked To Maybe Twice)

The neighbor across the street is moving.  Have seen some stirrings for a month now, but the "For Sale" sign makes it real.  That came up maybe a week ago.  The huge dumpster (like the one I threw my trash into last week) was on their driveway maybe a couple weeks ago.  And the moving truck was there when I woke up today.

I literally may have spoken ... no, come to think of it, I should accurately describe it as "interacted" with the members of the family that lives/lived there two times.  Once, when my niece was little, one kid who lives there, while he was being held by his father (the head of the household) offered her candy, and my niece freaked out.  The other time, the sons were playing catch (they had baseball uniforms on, so they may have come back from practice or a Game) and a baseball rolled to the edge of my driveway; I threw it back, poorly, to one of them.  And that's it.  I never had an issues with them.  They were the perfect, quiet neighbors who left me alone.

So I feel bad that I'm not saying goodbye to them as they're moving.  But, what would I say?  What kind of small talk could I come up with, especially since I made no talk with any of them while they were here?  And yet, when I came home from shopping earlier this afternoon and I saw the whole family running about, I thought about going there and saying hi.  But, I haven't.  And I probably won't.

Gift Wrapping Is An Unlearnable Skill And A Niche Industry

So it's my niece's birthday.  For once I was proactive in getting the gifts.  The problem now is that I don't know how to wrap them.  I think I had done it while I was really young, but back then I realized how much I sucked at it, so I had Mother do it, or, to be quite honest, I didn't buy a gift at all.  That's right -- I learned not to buy gifts because I didn't learn the art of gift wrapping.

But I'm a grown-up now, and I have a niece to whom I want to show love, so I have to buy presents.  I have been able to avoid this situation because I would always send the presents (in the name of myself and my parents) to her mother/my sister-in-law, who knows how to wrap gifts.  But over the holidays she basically that she was done with all that.  I don't think she meant just me having her wrap gifts.  I think she meant being my brother's wife.  But I don't know that.  But I won't bring it up either.  Bottom line -- I am now on my own when it comes to getting gifts wrapped.

Where in the hell can I go in this town to have this done for me?  Hell, where do I even find just one damn box to put these gifts in?  A couple times a long, long time ago I got them wrapped at, of all place, the Rosedale customer service department.  Hell if I know how they did it, but the people who helped you find out where in the mall to go had this set-up where you could walk up to them, give them gifts that needed to be boxed and wrapped, and they'd do it.  That remains a mind-blowing thing a mall just offers to do, and year-round, not just for the holidays.  Alas, it is a bygone feature of their customer service; they say on their website that they don't do that anymore.

There is one store in the Twin Cities that says they just do gift wrapping.  I left them a message but haven't heard back.  There was also, I believe, a company that picks up and drops off gifts.  That seems way too complicated for my need to have someone find a box and wrap my gifts up in it, but come to think of it, having a brick and mortar spot just for that service probably makes no sense.  Regardless, I e-mailed them -- no response.

Shit, man, I have to do this myself.  I'm now reduced to shopping for boxes.  (I looked in the seldom-opened closet right next to my bedroom; there is wrapping paper in there.)  But wait!  How about a gift bag?  I don't need to wrap anything then; I'll just throw them in a bag, then put some fancy-ish tissue paper on it so my niece can't just peer into the bag and see what I bought her.  I need to buy a bag, but at least there are bags to be bought, unlike boxes!  And I won't get frustrated over cutting out too little wrapping paper, or butchering the folding and taping.  Yeah, gift bags -- that's the ticket!

So I need to buy all that stuff after I wake up.  Hopefully I won't fuck this up.  But maybe I will.

Holy shit ... both the Timberwolves and the Wild won last/Thursday night, and thus won their First Round series last/Thursday night.  It's the first time ever that both the Timberwolves and Wild made it to the Second Round of their respective playoffs in the same Year.  Ever.  That's how shitty Minnesota sports has historically been.

And moreover, the Twins won last/Thursday night, too!

Seriously, could yesterday/Thursday be The Greatest Day In Minnesota Sports History?

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1 (tie): Wild and Timberwolves (Last Week, respectively: -4 and -1).  I'll keep this short and sweet, mostly because I'm tired and I have to get up early in the morning.  Both winter pro sports teams have managed to get 3-2 leads in their respective series, they both get a chance to win their series at home, and they both attempt to do it tonight/Thursday night.  Honestly, I was dreading that both teams would get eliminated on the same night.  But both teams advancing on the same night?  Posh!  Of course, this sets up the dreaded possibility that both teams lose and face a Game 7 and oblivion on the road.  But for this time, I will try and be positive, and I will perch both clubs in the top spot in the hopes that they'll make Thursday, April 30, 2026, one of the most memorable days in Minnesota sports history.

By the way, while I was going to the Band Of Horses concert tonight, my friend texted me saying he has two tickets to the Timberwolves Game I could have.  I accepted.  I will either get to celebrate a fantastic series Win ... or see my local basketball team fuck this up.  Lord, I hope I don't make a mistake.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  With the exception of women's lacrosse, if you're a Big Team on a losing streak, the best thing to break that is to face fucking Northwestern.  The male Gopher Nine did so over the weekend, and the swept the Wildcats by a combined score of 27-6.  The U. mercy-ruled Northwestern on Friday's opener at Siebert, 13-1 in seven Innings.  That beatdown mentality carried over to Tuesday, where they slaughtered St. Thomas at home by a score of 12-1, also in seven Innings.  I highly doubt this changes their NCAA Tournament chances, but this squad have won five in a row.

At Penn St. for three this weekend.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2).  A couple Weeks ago, when it looked as though the Twins regulars have sorted things out and have begun to fight like a real team, I was ready to believe these guys were at least somewhat for real.  This organization has managed to surprise the fanbase with overachieving bands of nobodies many times over the years.  Alas, the cynics appear to be right in thinking the Twinks are who they thought they were, going 1-6 this screening Week which includes a three-Game sweep at Tampa.  The Bullpen has been absolute shit lately, including yesterday/Wednesday afternoon's 5-3 Loss at Target Field to Seattle where the Twinks held a 3-2 lead heading into the top of the ninth Inning, but some dude named Eric Orze got shaken down for three Runs that gave the Mariners the victory.

The 13-18 Twinks host Toronto for four this weekend, then travel to Washington to face The Bastard Montreal Expos for three starting Tuesday.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: 0).  The unbeaten streak the Loons enjoyed has ended with a mighty thud.  On Saturday afternoon, with James Rodriguez making his first start for MNUFC, they lost at Allianz Field to LAFC, 1-0, in a battle between teams tied for third place in the West on Points.  I remember once hearing, I believe, British soccer play-by-play man Derek Rae say, after Russia upset Spain in Penalty Kicks in the 2018 World Cup, "You have to remember that football, at its very core, is a stupid Game."  Minnesota United had the ball almost 62% of the time, they got 23 shot attempts, and their xG was almost at 2.  Meanwhile, David Martinez scored in the ninth Minute by an impossibly acute angle, and that's why Laugh-See won.  It almost makes one question why they're a season-ticketholder.

The Loons continue their strangely long streak of playing West Coast teams by visiting a suddenly game San Jose club Tuesday night for a U. S. Open Cup Round of 16 tie.  And, unfortunately, they were eliminated from that combination by a 4-2 score.  Oh, well; at least I won't feel pressured to buy tickets for any U. S. Open Cup Matches at home anymore.

They're at Columbus Saturday evening.

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  Alright, something with this program simply isn't working.  Not after Wisconsin came to Cowles and swept the Goofers by a combined 16-4 score.  What a way to end the home portion of your regular season, huh?

The end of the season can't come fast enough, but luckily for these softballers, it'll end this weekend with a trio at Northwestern.