My Buddha, I Think I'm The Bracket King

So I have bitched and bitched here for years about how badly I start off the men's basketball tournament.  This year is different, by far.

I still can't believe this, but I just finished Round 1 with a record of, get this, 29-3.  I have never done better in a Round 1 in my life, and it ain't fuckin' close.  I'm sure my best is, like, 17-15, or maybe even 18-14.  But only three wrong?  Moreover, those three I got wrong (Ohio St., St. Mary's, and Villanova) I had going out in the next Round.  That means that my champion pick (Michigan), the title pairing (Florida), my Final Four (Duke and Arizona), my Elite Eight and my Sweet Sixteen are all intact.  Obviously I have never, ever been able to say that before.

While this puts me in a position way better than I ever have been before in the two bracket competitions I'm in, I know that, because there are so many people playing in the giant pool I care more about (because I could win a lot of money), there are people who are doing even better than me.  It sucks to have a year where you nearly nailed all of the upsets and, just as important, knew to avoid the wrong upsets.  I thought I was Senor Hotshit when I went 14-2 after Thursday.  I wasn't even on the leaderboard.  I wasn't even on the second page.

So the Games continue, and once I again my nearly-pristine bracket will stand in judgement.  There are many Games in Round 2 I need to break the right way, and if, somehow and someway, I can get the picks right at the same rate as I have up to this point ... I might have a good tournament.  Wish me luck!

Sign Of Inattention Or Sign Of Old Age?

I'm just so mad at myself for fucking up the Horse's Neck I made for myself.

I should back up.  I didn't plan on drinking alcohol yesterday/Thursday.  I should blog post about it soon.  Anyway, I went to Hooters because I wanted to use the March coupon before the chaos of them closing down on Sunday.  The chaos has already begun, however.  I just wanted a Coke, but they didn't have it.  Guess there's no use to order more stuff if they're closing down in three days, but I thought they would still have Coke.  (I'm going back before they close for good Sunday evening.  Let's hope they still have running water.)

Anyway, I didn't want a Sprite to go with the wings and swirl cake I purchased, and I didn't want to just have water.  So, with a bit of regret, I got an Angry Orchard, which they still have.  And since I got one alcoholic drink to drink, I might as well have another one, and I decided on a Horse's Neck because the ginger ale in the fridge has been in there for a long while.

I rely on the International Bartenders Association formula for a Horse's Neck, which is 40 mL (they're international) of cognac and 120 mL of ginger ale in a Collins glass.  That's a ratio of three parts ginger ale to one part cognac, right?  That's important for the story.

So I pour out 40 mL from the ABK6 into a small measuring cup I use instead of a jigger because The Wirecutter recommends it.  Then I pour the Boylan ginger ale to the maximum line, which on this measuring cup is 60 mL.  I add it to the Collins.  I pour to the max again.  I add it to the Collins.  Then I pour to the max a third time, because it's a 3:1 ratio, right?  I assumed I had enough ginger ale, so I was shocked that I was short by 10 mL.  I thought I should maybe use ginger beer to top it off, but fuck it, it's late in the day and I have work in the morning, I'll just have to deal with drinking a messed-up cocktail.

I don't have a huge Collins glass.  It might not be a Collins glass.  But some drinks require a long, rectangular-looking glass, and that's what I have.  And for all the cocktails I can make that require them to be stirred, they all fit into this glass.  But this one was different.  Even though I was short of the 3:1 ginger ale-to-cognac ratio, the last pour of ginger ale brought the cocktail right to the rim.  That's odd.  I'm pretty sure past Horse's Necks I've made weren't that full.

And then I realized I fucked it up.  I was fixated on the 3-to-1 ratio, but I completely forgot about dealing with the actual fucking numbers.  Forty times three is 120.  I just needed to pour the ginger ale out to the max twice, not three times, to get the formula right.  But no, I poured out the cognac once (and not even up to the top at 60 mL, just two-thirds of the way at 40 mL), so I had to pour the ginger ale thrice.  That's how my mind operated.  It's probably how it operates.  And I fucked it up.

---

Later I played Zynga Poker.  I continually make the mistake of misjudging what kind of a hand I have.  I play speed-up, so I only have, like, ten seconds to fold, call or raise, and I still make a decision without completely understanding what I actually have.  A few times I actually think I have a better hand than I do, but more often than not I think it's an OK hand when it's, like, an ace-high straight or a full house.  I didn't see I had a full house on this one hand and I could have taken the other "players" in my table to the cleaners if I had accurately seen that.

Pairing my poker blindness with blowing the Horse's Neck, I don't know if me not paying attention is symptomatic of my old age.  I have been not paying attention all my life, and yet I can't help but think that if I were younger, I would have gotten the formula right, and I would be much quicker at deducing what type of poker hand I've got.

If it's old age, I don't know what to do.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  I didn't factor in the upside to a tight race in the standings: It doesn't take too much to move up.  The Wolves go 3-1, and so they go back up to fourth place in the West.  Sure, they're only one Game from sixth place, but they're only 1 1/2 Games away from third.  That's how congested things are over there.

The T-Wolves have won their last two Games, both at home, to Phoenix and Utah.  And they won both Games without Anthony Edwards, who will be week to week because of his inflamed right knee.  Frankly, they played great in those two Games without him.  Hmmm, maybe those two things are related. ...

They finish up a three-Game homestand tomorrow/Friday night versus Portland, then they go to Boston Sunday, then host Houston on Wednesday.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1).  ETTD, man, ETTD.  They started their busy screening Week losing to three teams currently out of the playoff picture in The Eastern Conference, Philadelphia, The New York Rangers, and Toronto.  And all of those humiliations were at home.  They finally turned around their fortunes on the road, where they beat Chicago in OT on St. Patrick's Day.

So why are they up here after a 1-3 Week?  Because they are still firmly ensconced in third place in The Central Division.  They currently sit six Points behind The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0., and 14 ahead of The Bastard Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix-Arizona Coyotes.  Wins or Losses, no matter -- the Wild are going to be in the playoffs.  From that point on -- that's when we'll start to care.

They finish their home-and-home with the Blackhawks tonight/Thursday night at the Gica.  They then host said Bastard North Stars, then travel to Tampa Bay.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0).  A low-scoring series to begin league play for the Gophs, but they dropped two-of-three, winning 1-0 in the first Game of a Doubleheader Saturday.  (I am absolutely sure there was no scheduled Doubleheader when I previewed the series in last Week's survey.  I see no announcement of it on the athletic department's website.)  They then finished off their U. S. Bank Stadium schedule by losing to North Dakota St. in eleven Innings, 7-4.

I have a feeling sports is going to be really quiet around Dinkytown for the rest of the school Year.  At Indiana for a trio over the weekend, then the club opens up Siebert Field for the season Wednesday against St. Thomas.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -3).  This takes me back to the expansion days for the Loons.  On Sunday afternoon they got the absolute shit beat out of them by the Whitecaps in Vancouver, 6-0.  Maybe this is a case where Vancouver is really, really good.  But how much of this just bad players?  And this is the time I finally get around to talking about their off-season and what message they sent from their transactions before the season started.

MNUFC was coming off a scintillating playoff series Win over Seattle, a franchise that historically has gotten their number.  Sure, a 1-0 Loss in the Quarterfinals to San Diego was dispiriting, but there was nothing that indicated that changes needed to be made.

Alas, changes happened.  Dayne St. Clair, who was named Goalkeeper Of The Year, was MNUFC's top signing priority because his contract expired.  But while the two sides were negotiating, Inter Miami swooped in and said, "Hey, we want you," to which St. Clair responded, "Hey, I want you, too."  Meanwhile, Hasani Dotson, St. Clair's teammate at Oregon St. who was also drafted in the same class as St. Clair, was thanked by the organization for his service to the Black and Blue; he signed with the Sounders.

Then, Robin Lod, a man who became a fan favorite up here, was not given a contract offer at a length to his liking, so he signed with Chicago, who did.  Finally, for some inexplicable damn reason, the Loons traded hard-nosed Defender Joseph Rosales to Austin FC.  Oh, and Head Coach Eric Ramsay moved after two seasons to West Bromwich Albion ... where he was fired after only eight Matches and 44 Days.  Soccer coaches, man. ...

So anyway, that's four players, veterans and stalwarts, plus the Manager, all moving on.  They're bringing in new pieces, and I know they're trying, but how good could they really be, and how good can they be this quickly?  The signing of James Rodriguez is awesome.  I don't know how in the fuck MNUFC was able to convince a soccer player of that caliber and popularity to come to Minnesota.  But he only subbed in on Sunday.  How often will he play?  And remember that his contract keeps him here only through the summer, even though there's an option for him to stay the whole Year.

On top of all that, Major League Soccer is revamping its calendar.  This is the last Year where they play from February to November/December.  They will have what they call a "sprint" season from February to May 2027, then join up with the rest of the world when they begin their season in the late summer of 2027.  Beyond my grievances over The Flip, I can see MNUFC brass looking at the next year-and-a-half and punting.  Maybe the James signing was just window dressing to appease the masses and keep the dollars flowing in.  But it feels very possible they just want to suck for the next 18 Months in order to, hopefully, get better after May 2027 -- at which point I may not be a season ticket-holder.

United FC play a second consecutive Sunday Game, this one at home vs. ... well, whaddya know, The Seattle Sounders.

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  Well this is fucking shit.  The softballers lost all three of their Games of the Missouri Tournament held over the weekend in Columbia, Mo., to Iowa St., hosts Missouri, and South Dakota.  Maybe another Head Coach might need to be on the hot seat.  Playing at Iowa over the weekend.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's hockey and Gopher men's hockey (Last Week, respectively: -6 and -Infinity).  Well, fuck, that was swift.  In back-to-back days, University of Minnesota Athletic Director Mark Coyle cleaned out the rinks in Dinkytown.  An athletic program that sometimes feels stuck in inertia just fired up the coaching carousel in both women's and men's top-flight college hockey.

On Tuesday, Coyle axed Gopher women's hockey Head Coach Brad Frost.  Well, the way I have it, Frost was on the last Year of his contract, and Coyle announced that he won't be offered a new contract, so I think the term "fired" that's been bandied about is inaccurate and a bit harsh.  Also, Frost was here 19 Years, by all accounts he's a nice and good guy who ran a clean program, and he did bring Minnesota four national championships in a five-Year span.

Unfortunately, the last title was a Decade ago.  Since then, it is a bona fide fact that both Wisconsin and Ohio St. are the best programs in top-flight women's college hockey, and Minnesota, for all their insular boasting, are a clear cut below.  And Saturday's upset Loss to Northeastern at home -- and they didn't seem to be competitive as they allowed the Huskies to race out to a 4-0 lead before Abbey Murphy played Heroine Puck and scored twice in the Third Period -- was a blaring sign (if only to the fanbase) that things weren't trending in the right direction.  I don't like it when good people lose their jobs, especially when they've been at that post for a long time.  But I agree with this move.

So, if Minnesota clearly is The State Of Hockey, who do they turn to?  There is one and only one top target that could revive the program's fortunes: Nadine Muzzerall, current Head Coach at Ohio St., who has the overall #1 Seed in this Year's tournament and who has won two championships under Muzzerall's helm.  She is One Of Us in the sense that she played for the Maroon and Gold and was an assistant under Frost before the Buckeyes hired her away.  The problem, of course, is money.  I am always skeptical if the U. can pony up the funds necessary to pry the best away from another powerhouse school.  And this is The Ohio St. University, who will not pinch any penny in order to hire and keep the best.

With that said, besides the pull of trying to revive her alma mater, there is one thing the U. has that Ohio St. doesn't have: A decent rink dedicated to the women's team.  I hear that Ohio St.'s arena sucks.  And the university has promised Muzzerall for years that they would build her a new arena that could stand alongside Ridder and Wisconsin's LaBahn Arena, but that promise has been delayed season after season.  Does she get fed up?  And if Muzzerall decides to stay, who then does Coyle go for?  If not Muzzerall, I would take a top assistant from either the Buckeyes or the Badgers.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Bob Motzko I didn't see coming.  Coyle actually did fire Motzko yesterday/Wednesday (after eight seasons here) because Motzko had one Year left on his contract.  The U. announced that he and the school "had a mutual parting of ways," but I don't believe that at all.  I don't think the men's program was trending in the wrong direction.  What was troubling, even infuriating, was that Motzko never was able to deliver a title despite mostly having great teams.  And he developed a reputation, unfortunately, as a choker.  I just researched this fact to make sure it is true: In the last three NCAA Tournament Games where the Gophers and Motzko lost and were eliminated, they had a two-Goal lead and blew it.  The One That Got Away surely was the 2023 title Game, where they had Quinnipiac on the ropes early, but let them off the hook so the Bobcats could win in Overtime.

I could see Coyle firing Motzko after another collapse in the NCAAs, but not in a situation like this, where everyone could foresee a rebuilding Year after all the talent they lost.  Yes, their record this Year was the worst since the '71-2 season.  But I thought that would put Motzko on the hot seat, where he would have one season to negotiate the transfer portal and see if NIL money could attract junior players from Canada and the like.  Maybe, and similarly to Frost and the women's team, embarrassing defeats at home -- reportedly, during the last home series against Michigan St., people were booing Motzko -- forced Coyle to make a move now before fan apathy and antipathy became even more severe.

OK.  So where does Coyle go with the men?  One early name has popped up: Garrett Raboin, current Head Coach at Augustana, which is about to get into the NCAAs for the first time in only the Vikings' third season in existence.  He was an assistant under Motzko at the U. and, before that, at St. Cloud St., Raboin's alma mater.  And he's One Of Us; he's from Detroit Lakes.  I think I've talked myself into liking this pick.

You know, I hate screwing over other people.  But opting for a fresh starts feels very invigorating, doesn't it?

An Easy Day Turned Into A Busy Night

I did one of the main chores I wanted to do on my birthday: Rake the roof.  I did that after I took a hard nap, so I was energized going into the evening, where I wanted to watch the World Baseball Classic title Game (won by Venezuela, 3-2 over the Americans) while working on my bracket.

There was one other thing I wanted to do: Clear the back deck of the half-foot of snow.  I was going to do it during the WBC, but I wanted to wait until it stopped flurrying.  Then, I got caught up on the close Game, plus I was really crunching the data on the bracket.  Then the Game got really interesting, so I decided I would shovel after the Game was over.

But gosh darnit, right after the trophy ceremony, my sister called.  And of course I had to talk to her for an hour about stuff.  Just then I remembered I had to do something else: Send out an important e-mail that had to be sent today/Wednesday or else my alumni association was going to get pissed.  That's when I had to end my phone call with my sis.  But then, instead of immediately going out to shovel, I went back to number-crunching for my bracket.  I finally got out to shovel around midnight.

Thankfully, sending out the e-mail was easy.  But I still need to think about my bracket, and I finally got around to blog posting this.  And I am tired, and I should go.  Peace.

Songs Playing The Minute Of My Birth

• The Current: Tame Impala, "Dracula"
• Cities 97.1, Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"
• 104.1 Jack FM: Guns 'N' Roses, "Paradise City"
• 104.7 KCLD: Lewis Capaldi, "Someone You Loved"

Results Of Bracketology 2026

Team 64, also known as The Last Team In In A Just World: Texas A&M

Teams 65-8 (in order): N. C. St., Texas, SMU, Miami (OH)

Team 69, also known as The REAL Last Team In (In Reality): Oklahoma

For Shits And Giggles, Teams 70-2: Auburn, San Diego St., Indiana

So for the first time in maybe ever, the hive mind correctly predicted the last four teams out.  N. C. St. got sucked into the Play-Ins, and Texas A&M was a little closer to that morass than all the bracketologists thought.  And shockingly, Missouri was free and clear into the actual bracket.  So there you go.

Bracketology 2026

Man, I used to really love watching the Selection Show.  But then they crammed the fucking Play-In Games down our throats, and then Turner got their shit-ass hands on half the tournament, and then Chuck Barkley and Jet Smith started commentating on it even though they haven't done fuck-all about talking college hoops up till then, and then half of the tournament Games were put on cable, and then they spread out tipoff times so that there's only Game coming down to the wire at a time and if that Game is boring there's no reason to watch, and then CBS stopped whipping around to the best Game happening at that time (and this is the worst decision that was made, and it is fucking unforgivable) ... and now I don't care.  I might just plow the rest of the driveway then.  Or, I might just sleep through the show.  I don't care.

Anyway, as of press time, Bracket Matrix has aggregated the following teams into the following categories.  Teams are listed in order:

The REAL Last Teams In: UCF, Texas A&M, N. C. St., Santa Clara

Play-In Games: Missouri, Miami (OH), SMU, Texas

Actually, They're The LAST Teams Out: San Diego St., Auburn, Oklahoma, Indiana

I'm scared about trying to use the snowblower tomorrow.  I'm sure I've said that on this blog before.  I probably was scared then, and I'm scared now.

The enormity of the snow -- I just went out at 2 in the morning to shovel the stoop and the top part of my driveway; even though I didn't measure, I eyeballed 4 inches, give or take an inch -- makes me afraid what I'll do if I can't get the blower to start.  But I checked the snowblower last night, and everything was set where it wasn't supposed to.  By that I mean that the choke was on, the, uh, speed thing was all the way fast, and most worryingly, the gas was on when it should be off.  The entire carburetor had to be replaced in the last summer, and I think it was because the gas switch was on for a long time, thus flooding the carb.  I think that Father tried to run it once before my parents left for Las Vegas and just didn't put all the settings back.  But I looked at the snowblower a couple times before last night and I didn't see anything wrong with it.  In fact, I know I looked at the gas switch and though it was turned off.  So if the snowblower doesn't work again, it's probably because it wasn't "put back" properly, and it'll serve me right that I failed to check.

We'll see in the morning.  Or afternoon.  OK, whenever I wake up. 

"Preparing" For The Biggest Goddamn Snowstorm I've Ever Seen

So this is the literal calm before the storm.  What began brewing Sunday turned, around Thursday, into something big, real big.  And unfortunately for me, the track began curving upward.  Unless I've interpreted things wrong, this blizzard is going to be a direct hit right on top of us.  Two motherfuckin' feet are possible.  What we probably should call The Ides Of March Blizzard might top The Halloween Blizzard of 1991, and that fuckin' storm is affixed in lore.  And even if it's not, it looks like we're clearing a foot here easily, and I don't remember the last time a blizzard that huge has ever registered with me (and that includes The Halloween Blizzard of 1991; I was just a kid who had no cares then).

So ... what to do?  I am bemused by everyone rushing out to do grocery shopping before it hits, which should come in around dinnertime and might not relent for 24 hours thereafter.  Come on, guys, this isn't the Siege Of Leningrad here.  It's going to be bad, and it might be historically bad, but it's only one day ... well, maybe a day and a half, tops.  You should have enough food now to get you through, and if you don't, frankly, you live in a bad situation beyond this blizzard.

With all that said -- well, I looked outside and, like I said, it's calm.  It's just a late-winter day out there -- overcast, too cold for my liking, but otherwise a day that you can travel without incident.  A part of me wants to hunker down and let the snowstorm do what it wants, but that does not sit well with the other part of me.  I will go out, and I probably will twice. I need to dump this trash, get some cash for my stripper girlfriends, and then probably grab lunch.  Later, I might check in and see this band, then probably get dinner to go before the storm kicks in.  It's not going to be horrible until overnight, but I want to be hunkered down before I even touch a flake.  And see, even I am beginning to feel like I want to "prepare" before the storm hits, even if it's just having an empty trash can to begin this storm.

I'm scared.  I'll admit that.  I just went into my backyard to make sure there's no hole in the roof or something.  I just feel that something bad will happen alongside this blizzard because it feels like my lot in life.  Maybe the worst plausible thing I can think of is that the snowblower won't work.  If it doesn't, I might not be working Monday.

I'm starting to understand why people panic-shop at the grocery store now.

I should go now.  Well, I'll juice this lemon, then go.  I think I'll need a cocktail after looking out from my window tonight.

NO, NOT HOOTERS!!!

Heard it on Common while working yesterday/Thursday afternoon: Hooters and The Mall Of America is closing for good.  Last day's next Sunday, the 22nd.  Goddammit.

First things first: I have kind of an obsession with stores that have been at the Megamall from the start.  (The store can't move from its original footprint.  Also, it can be renovated, but it might not count in my eyes if it, say, closed down in order to make those renovations.  Length of time is important in this case.)  Hooters was one of them.  With it being gone, what's left?  Macy's?  Nordstrom?  Cinnabon on the 1st floor?  That alpaca place that somehow stays in business?

But I am sad about what I think of as an institution closing down.  That breastaurant made me a man.  I'm joking.  Well, only half-joking.  Well, that half-joking part is perverted as hell, because going there was the first time in my life I felt good about being proud of looking at gorgeous women dressed daringly (or at least how I thought daring was at the time).  I think the first time I went to Hooters I went with my high school buddies.  My friend noticed that our (hot) waitress was stuffing a pack of cigarettes in her fanny pack, and I thought that was the hottest goddamn thing ever.

Hooters MOA overcame a flurry of sexual harassment lawsuits early in its tenure to just be the place teenage boys go to begin to get in touch with their heterosexual desires, and for parents to bring their boys to prevent them from becoming gay.  I went from time to time to ogle, of course, but there are a few servers there that I'm familiar with.  No way are we friends or anything, but I think that we are acquainted enough that whenever we see each other, we smile, and that's great.  My "relationship" with Hooters was cemented over the past several years once I decided to buy the Hooters calendar every year and, if possible, get it autographed.  It was nice to have the sexiest Hooters girls sign.  I even took the calendar to other parts of the country if I were vacationing so I could have other Hooters girls in other branches sign it.  And, of course, I came back ... well, not because of the food per se, but for the coupons that came with the calendar.  If I spend $15 when I visit this month, I get a free dessert.

I planned on going Thursday to get that free dessert, and to watch the actual start of March Madness, but now I must go.  And I probably will go that Sunday too, its final day.  Thirty-three years, man, a third of a century, and they said it wasn't making enough money.  I will miss the fuck out of that place.

You know, come to think of it ... I know the perfect place to replace Hooters -- Twin Peaks.  Same concept, they're growing (the company, not my dick), and even though the closest stores are in Fargo and Omaha, it might be time to bring one to the Twin Cities.  And who knows, maybe those Twin Peaks girls will do things beyond my wildest dreams.  No, probably not.  But a lonely hetero perv can dream, and Hooters allowed me to do that.  RIP, Hooters Megamall.