Black Used Toothpaste, Ick

I was having trouble finding something quick to blog post about, and then I remembered I wanted to talk about something that happened to me last week.

Last week I brushed my teeth.  Admittedly, it had been some time since the last time I brushed my teeth up to that point.  When I spat out the toothpaste, it was, I kid you not, black.  Maybe not pitch black, but it was noticeably dark, man, so dark that I stared at spent toothpaste more than you usually would.  Then and there, I resolved to brush my teeth more.

And then I broke that promise to myself because I don't think I've brushed my teeth with any more frequency than I did before.

I brushed my teeth just now.  However, what I spat out wasn't anywhere close be being black, thank God.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  Another impressive defensive and special teams outing Sunday to defeat the Saints in New Orleans ... and this time, there is enough offensive firepower -- mostly thanks to the arm and legs of Kyler Murray and the continued rugged running by Aaron Jones, Sr. -- to make me believe there can be balance with this team.  And they remain undefeated at 5-0, so I think they've earned the right to be above negative numbers.

There are two other undefeated clubs, The Bastard Dallas Texans (who did not play last weekend and so they're 4-0) and San Francisco.  The 49ers and Vikings are slated to play in Week 11.  It's a Sunday Night Football Game.  And it'll be played in Mexico City.  If they can remain undefeated till then, damn, watch out.  In the meantime, they're enjoying their bye Week; they'll host The Bastard Baltimore Colts on the 25th.

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  Road victories are always good, and this team got a pair over middling Rutgers Friday evening and Ohio St. Sunday afternoon.  However, they dropped a Set to the Scarlet Knights.  Gopher clubs in the past would've made this two sweeps.  An armchair bracketologist has the U. pegged as a seven-Seed for the NCAAs.

Back-to-back home Games against Michigan and Maryland tomorrow/Friday and Saturday night.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  Swept their East/West Showcase over the weekend -- 4-0 over Maine Friday, 4-2 over in-conference school Bemidji St. Sunday afternoon.  Still, isn't it weird that the Head Coach demands that he has his nickname listed in his bio -- and that his nickname is "Boom?"  Well, "Boom" now gets a chance to test his mettle.  Ohio St., currently the top-ranked team in the nation, comes to town for a pair of contests tomorrow/Friday night and Saturday afternon.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Lost at Tampa Bay, had strong Wins at Florida and home vs. (Las) Vegas, then had a Game at The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers get away from them to a 5-2 score.  I don't have anything else to say about this club beyond that.  The Week is calming down, relatively, with three contests: Home to St. Louis and Columbus, then at Edmonton.

#-4: United FC (Re-Entry!).  I've already told you a way a losing squad can lose my patience is by blowing a lead.  Well, another way to lose my patience (soccer squads only) is to allow Goals when they're down to ten men.

They did the former Saturday night vs. Houston.  They gave up the first Goal in the 18th Minute, but Kelvin Yeboah tied it up in the 48th, then Marcus Caldeira (he's a keeper, and the only Loons player to break through this Year) got them ahead in the 78th ... only for them to cough up two Points in the 92nd fucking Minute.  They still haven't won a league Match at home since May 2.  Then, last/Wednesday night, they were tied at 1 at Colorado when the Rapids' Sayed Abu Farchi, with the help of VAR, was red-carded for slapping Michael Boxall across the face.  (Boxall provoked Farchi into doing it by flipping him over as the two of them were at the sideline fighting for a ball.  Boxy's a dick, but he's our dick ... at least for the rest of the season.)  Conditions were good for MNUFC to get a go-ahead Goal, right?  Nope; the Backline allowed Colorado to score in the 74th to take a 2-1 lead.  But then, ten minutes later, the Match was tied at 2-all.  Note that I didn't say Minnesota United scored.  Instead, the Rapids potted an Own Goal ten Minutes later when Colorado's Loic Williams tried to clear a shot from Yeboah when Yeboah was at the End Line and Williams was in front of his own net; the ball may have had some spin, but Williams muffed it, and the english from the ball scooted it past the Goal Line.  Soccer is a dumb Game, and even though MNUFC did nothing from the Red Card on, they get a Point.

That Point, and the Point they got against Houston, don't fucking matter; they're still next-to-last in the West and are now five Points behind for ninth place.  And they host St. Louis Saturday afternoon.  I couldn't attend the Game against the Dynamo, thank Buddha, but this weekend I have no other plans (well, I could go to a stripper party, but I'll pass), so I'm using the money I've spent and going to this one, and considering how St. Louis City is scoring and winning seemingly at will right now (until last/Wednesday night's scoreless draw at home versus Vancouver in a showdown between The Western Conference's two-best teams, St. Louis had netted at least three Goals in their previous five tilts), this could get very, very ugly very, very quickly.

#-5: Gopher football (Last Week: 0).  They're not at the bottom of this Week's WMNSS (I had trouble deciding, so I feel back on one Game vs. two), but the most disappointing Loss I've seen in a while has to belong to the U. gridironers losing at moribund Purdue.  The Boilermakers suck, and yet this was an ass-kicking by the tune of 41-13.  They had so much goodwill and momentum after winning at Washington and making the most of Michigan's miscues in reclaiming The Little Brown Jug.  I really thought P. J. Fleck had a program where they wouldn't lose to teams clearly beneath them.  Guess not.  And to completely no-show is just inexplicable.  Is this club's motivation dependent on the opponent?  If so, is hosting Iowa for Floyd Of Rosedale next Saturday (coincidentally, both the Vikings and the Gopher football team have the same bye Week in 2026) going to get their attention?

#-6: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Granted, the XI faced a pair of Top 10 squads this past screening Week, so the damage may not be as bad as I think it is.  Still, they got waxed at second-ranked Michigan St. 4-0 last Thursday and dominated by then-sixth-ranked Ohio St. at Robbie 2-0 Sunday afternoon.  They may still be in the tournament conversation, but it didn't help that they got shut out last Week, so getting right at Wisconsin Sunday afternoon would not be a bad thing.

One Downside To The Fall: Being Late For Work

The leaves are starting to turn around town, and it's gorgeous, obviously.  All the yellows, browns and reds dot the landscape wherever I walk or drive.  Add that yesterday/Tuesday was almost totally a cloudy day and was just above 60, and that is how I want to the weather to be every day for the rest of my days.

I subscribe to Racket, the online Twin Cities alternative created by four writers formerly of City Pages.  A couple weeks ago, as part of their "Friday Open Thread" prompt, they asked readers to rank the seasons.  I think it's unanimous that we all said autumn's #1.  It dawned on me, though, that whenever I've seen a rank of seasons (and I think I've seen more than one would estimate), that rank is published around the fall, meaning that the beautiful colors prompt a ranking of the seasons.  I'm fairly certain of that "coincidence."

For all the pros of the fall, I have noticed an annual drawback -- almost without fail, traffic going to work is so bad compared to the summer that I am routinely late for work.  We lay back in the summertime, but once we get past Labor Day it feels as though the entire state starts to get serious again, so everybody's going to work, and at the same time.  Add to it that the Sun is casting its oppressive rays on east-bound traffic around the time I go to work, and it's a massive challenge to get to work on-time.  I have been tardy a few times the past couple weeks and flat-out late a couple times in that same period.  That includes yesterday/Tuesday morning.  It doesn't help that the cold weather disincentivizes me to bolt out of bed and begin getting dressed.  But yesterday there was a huge car crash that happened right in front of me.  The two-lane I was on is busy that time of day, of course, so it took me several minutes before I found a gap in the traffic so I could get around what I found out was a three-car accident.

This should prompt an adjustment to me getting out of the house.  But like I said, it feels so much better to stay in bed.  Yep, the turndown in temperature is conducive to staying in my pajamas and underneath my sheets.  So, not only does that make it harder for me to get to work on-time, it makes me more likely not to care that I'm not at work on-time.

Should go to bed now.  Maybe getting more sleep will get me up early in the morn.

Addendum To: No One Tells Me Anything

Oh yeah, I wasn't told that someone was going to drop by and plop a new tree in the front yard, either!  I talked to the Head of Forestry for my city (yes, my city has a Head of Forestry) because I was curious as to what kind of species this tree is.  I left a message when I called the city on Friday; I got a return voicemail at work yesterday/Monday, and I left a VM, and he called back.  Before he told me what tree he selected for our residence, he told me that we should've gotten a letter saying that a tree was going to be planted soon.  Nope, I didn't get a letter.  Now, I did get a letter earlier this year saying, albeit after the fact, that they removed the stump from the old tree that they removed around the holidays and that it was our responsibility to water the grass seeds they put in place of the stump (I didn't do that; I might blog post about why some other time).  But like I said, even though the markings of gas and water lines should have tipped me off, the city did not warn me ahead of time that they were planting a tree.

Yep, no one tells me anything.  That makes me scared that my parents will come home, again, and not tell me beforehand.

No One Tells Me Anything

I woke up on my own accord Friday morning anticipating the sprinkler guy to come.  Frankly, I couldn't begin my day off from work until he came over to winterize the system.  I was getting antsy, but I took the time in the morning to water the plants and work on stuff on my computer.  Then, as it got to the late morning, I figured I could give the tree that magically appeared in the front yard that morning some more water beyond what is encased in that plastic bag around the 8' tree.

It was a bit past 11:30, when I put the sprinkler system through its third cycle of watering that tree, that I suddenly heard the doorbell ring followed immediately by banging on the door.  It was the sprinkler guy.  Not of fan of how he announced he was here, but considering he was courteous yet fast, and that he recommended I trade in the old backflow plug for a new one made of brass, I can't complain.  I was on my way half past noon.

The only lingering issue I have is something I have asked the sprinkler company every year I call in and pay for the winterization.  I always ask that the driver call or text me ahead of time.  That way I, at the very least, will be awake for when he comes.  That courtesy isn't always given, and this dude didn't do it either, or else I wouldn't have had the sprinkler system on when he got here.

A bit later in the day I realized that fit a pattern.  The sprinkler guy didn't tell me he was coming before he did, like I asked.  The previous day, the inspector climbed on top of the house even though I told the roofer I was going to come home to open the side door for him.  And of course there's Mother, who told me that the inspector was coming less than one day before.  No one tells me anything, or at least won't tell me anything till the last minute, well past any time I could prepare for it.  And I fucking hate that.  I mean, what the hell is wrong with letting me prepare, goddammit?  (sigh)

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

There is an urban walking street festival series called Open Streets that has held a few events every year for the past several.  One street in one neighborhood is closed down -- no car traffic, just walkers only, and there are food trucks and music and local stores offering their wares.  I've been to these and they're great -- I get to walk while exploring a neighborhood I might not be familiar with.  But mostly due to conflicts, I haven't been to one in a couple years.

I only knew, or remembered, there is an Open Streets event today because someone skeeted it on Bluesky.  It's going on right now as I blog post this.  It's Hennepin Avenue, a place I've been to, though not lately.  And I want to go ... but.  First of all, I planned this to be a no-money day, and if I'm going to do Open Streets, I will buy something to eat.  Second of all, while I love South Minneapolis, I didn't plan on using my good car and drive down there.  Gas is more than four bucks a gallon!  (Thanks, you installed cheat.)  And finally, while I like it, I don't think I've gone to any Open Streets events in the fall because of football.  And the Vikings are playing right now, and they might be good.

So now the pros to going.  It's supposed to be a no-money day, but I did plan on going out -- tonight to the gym.  Is it that big of a leap to go out and enjoy myself?  Also, it's a hot day -- it's already 80 as I type this, and it'll reach the mid-80's before Open Streets ends.  It would make sense to be outside, right?

Well, I doubt I'm going, I'm afraid.  I have leftovers to eat, plus I should wash dishes and, if I have the energy, do the laundry.  I'll go out to work out -- maybe.  And Open Streets, by the way, ends at 5.  If I wanted to put in a solid day at Hennepin Ave., I probably should leave now.  Eh, I'll just watch football instead.

Sorry to answer my subject line.  I didn't think I would decide to stay when I started this blog post.  So I'm going to embed The Clash, OK?

Changing My Whole Day So Some Dude Could Climb On My House

OK, so this blog post is so sprawling I might not be able to gather all my thoughts, so this could go several places.  I just hope to remember what happened when. ...

On Wednesday, after I helped Mother with getting insurance information, she told me that she had arranged for an inspector to look at the roof, siding and gutters ... the next day.  She asked me to unlock the side door (but put the recycling bin behind it -- you know, to keep it "shut") so he and the second roofer we spoke to could inspect everything.  Mother knew I was working then, but thought nothing of having some fucking stranger climb on top of and meander behind our property without me or her or Father being there to see him.  And she said all this shit would happen the next afternoon.

This pissed me off to no end.  But there are two dimensions to my pissed-off-ness.  There is, of course, the idea that I, or she, would let anyone look at our house, our home, our sacred castle, without us there.  What I have just realized, however, that I am a bit more upset that, once again, she has sprung one of her hare-brained ideas on me without telling me, without giving me any time to process it, and without having my say as to whether it's a good idea or not -- again.  She once again just went through on her fucking bullshit flights of fancy, and she just goddamn assumed I'd be OK with it.  I don't care that she felt like I didn't have to do anything more than unlock a door.  If someone sees that door open, I have to deal with that fucker breaking into the house, not her.  But she didn't give a flying shit.

Having to catch this hot potato of news, I (once again) wasn't as clever on my feet as I should have been.  I told her that this was a bad idea, having some guy crawl around the home without me there, and once again, fuckin' A, My Fucking Mother retreated back into defensive mode.  "What do you want to do then?" she asked, without realizing for one goddamn second that this was all my parents' idea.  "I am the one who has to come up with ideas!"  Ideas for what?  Who said that the roof and siding and gutters needed repairing??  She acts like something hard and unavoidable has fallen into her lap when she's the one telling me what the fuck's going on ... and telling me poorly, by the way.

---

Going to bed (well, after going to this volunteer event and then getting an HJ by ******a -- man, did I need that!), I thought I had no choice but to do what she says.  I swore that I had told Mother that I had Friday off, and that was the perfect time for them to come over.  I didn't think when she dropped this fuckin' bomb on me to remind her in case she forgot -- thank Buddha for ******a; she thought saying that to her would be a way to draw boundaries that obviously aren't there right now -- but I figured it was too late.  But I live in this house, and right now, I am the only person who lives in this house.  It does not sit right with me to unlock a door that is always secured when I leave so some stranger can come look, even if everyone else says it's OK, because it's not OK with me.  It doesn't matter that I live in a good neighborhood; I should not and will not leave my house unlocked.

So I woke up and decided that I would ask/tell my boss I have to take an extended lunch break to go home and oversee whatever it is this inspector wants to look at.  I didn't want to do that to my boss, but My Fucking Mother left me with no goddamn choice.  And even though I'm sure My Fucking Mother told the roofer that the side door was not going to be locked, I texted her in the morning that it would be locked and that I would come home to unlock it.  Once again, I have to make room for My Fucking Mother's whims and demands, but now I had some control in how it was going to happen.

---

Or so I thought.  I went home earlier than planned in case the inspector got there early.  And by God, he was there earlier than me.  I went home to see some dude on top of the house with a ladder.  I took umbrage at that, so I parked my car, looked up at him and said, "Who are you?"  He was the inspector, of course, and he was there to look at the roof.  And I think I said some other things that conveyed how upset I was that he was on my house when I wasn't there.

I saw the roofer talking on the phone next to her car parked a ways from in front of my house.  She was talking a mile a minute about our homeowner's policy, but I didn't care about that.  I cared about why in the hell this guy was lording over my house when I told her that I was coming over to oversee everything.  She told me that she just got there and that the inspector was parked.  She said that the inspector thought that he could start his inspection as soon as she (the roofer) got there because he was told that the only person supervising the property would be her.  So, once she got on site, he thought he was good to go, locked side door be damned.  Maybe she should have told him to wait until I got there, but My Fucking Mother apparently got into the middle of this arrangement too and ... ah, fuck it, I don't know what else was said.  There was no need for me to continue to be angry at some guy who didn't seem to deserve it.  He even said that he thought he got the go-ahead as soon as the roofer drove up.  Also, he says that he climbs on roofs all the time without the homeowner or anyone living the house there.  Is that true?  That sounds reckless to me.  Whatever; I opened the side door once I got there, and I saw him, well, inspect and leave.

---

So he's supposed to whip up a report that he's going to give to the insurance company since we (well, Mother) made a claim.  The insurance company will give it to us and, if we want to go ahead with repairs, we can send that report to the roofer.  However, the roofer is now pooh-poohing our chances of justifying any repairs or replacement.  She understands our policy better than we do, and it looks like our deductible is too high and that we don't have enough of the components (?) that would induce the insurance company to pay for most of any repairs.  My Fucking Mother asked me later Thursday evening what to do.  Once again, she's throwing on my lap some lame-brained fantasy she cooked up in her own goddamn head.  I don't know.  Maybe as the person who technically owns the home, maybe I should know.  But right now, I'm still too pissed at my narcissist mommy to set my anger aside and make the most out of her scheme.

But back to my original point.  No harm, no foul on leaving work for more than half an hour; there was such light work that, even if I had a normal half-hour break, there wouldn't have been enough work for me to stay eight hours.  Still, all of this would have gone much smoother if the inspector came Friday.  I was home and the person winterizing the sprinkler system would've been there, too.  Kill two birds with one stone, and I wouldn't have had to impose upon my boss to see through some bullshit idea by My Fucking Mother.  God, she sucks.

Missing: My Hawaiian Shirt

I don't know where my alma mater Hawaiian shirt is and it's really frustrating me.  I know I wore it once, a few weeks ago, but I don't know where it is now.  I would like it to wear it because it is really, really hot right now (above 80 degrees as I type this), so a Hawaiian shirt would be the appropriate thing to wear.  But I don't know where it is, dang it.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2026

A baker's dozen this month, and while I will only point out three (still way too many Hooters women being told to put on a crop top over a bikini top to my liking), those three are way, way above most servers I have pointed out in months past.  In fact, my #1 here may be an all-timer.

In third place is Kianna, coming out of Roswell, Ga.  She is sporting both wavy brown hair and a tiger print two-piece.  She is just about standing straight at the camera, and she's doing that thing where she's pulling up her bikini bottom.  But the most striking thing about her are her impressive abs.  I ... would consent to her do things to me because of her abs.

In second place is, um, Kiana (only one "n"), hailing from Odessa, Fla.  Straight black hair, she is pictured in a pink and deep purple floral two-piece bikini print.  She is sitting poolside, and posing with her right side toward the camera.  She also is slightly pulling her right bikini top.  Not the best pose, but posing almost perpendicular to the camera means we get a shot of her ass ... kinda.  OK, maybe a peep.  See, I can see a smidgen of the top part of the back of her bikini bottom, and from little I can see, it's, well, little enough that I believe that, if we saw her whole ass, we would be able to see, maybe, 80-5% of her ass.  But I'm just extrapolating.  I can't see it.  Now, you may remember that I once had an overriding rule that any Hooters waitress that shows off her ass floats to the top of my list.  You may also remember that I have modified that rule whereby that only holds true if I can actually see that bare ass.  I might be splitting the baby here.  Frankly, I might be giving her too much of the benefit of the doubt.  But the extrapolation alone is enough for me to put her, and her picture, in second place.

In first place is The Main Girl, Camila, of Tucson, Ariz.  She has straight brown hair, and in this photo, it's wet and slicked back.  She's wearing a black two-piece with a sporty bikini top.  She's posing in or next to a shed with a surfboard behind her, and she's grabbing at what looks like an orange on a shelf with another orange just behind the orange she's grabbing at.  It's a weird setting.  But she's posing with her right side at the camera, she's grabbing her bikini bottom with her right hand ... and she's swung her ass enough to the camera that you can clearly see she's wearing a thong.  Her really fine ass is mostly pointing to the left, but you can clearly see both cheeks, and nearly all of her ass is exposed for the world to see.  Goddamn, she's making me hard now. I've been staring at it all month.  I want to take out my hard cock and lance that ass.  Add her come-hither look, and this probably is The Best Picture Of The Hooters Calendar 2026.

So congratulations to Camila, and to the other two girls of September 2026.  I will masturbate furtively to all of you soon.  (Considering how much I love the best picture, why haven't I done it yet?)

I Thought There Were Clever Elves Living In My Front Yard

I'm at home because the water sprinkler person is coming to winterize/close down the sprinkler system for the season.  I got dizzy and therefore went to bed early (at least for me), around 12:30, and I woke up around 5:30 because, in all the drama surrounding the adjuster coming to the house yesterday afternoon (I'll blog post about that, but I thought I was going to blog post about it now), I forgot to turn off my alarm.  Luckily I fell back asleep around, oh, 7 and woke up around 10.

Groggy of course, I go to the bathroom and, of course, I look out to the front yard.  There's a tree.  It's a young one, but it looks about a dozen feet tall.  It's not planted where the previous tree was taken out earlier this year.  But it's there, and I didn't ask for it, and sure as heck no one told me about it.

No one told me about a utility company marking down water and gas lines in my front yard with paint, either, but I saw those over the past couple weeks or so, too.  I didn't have time to check with the city about the painted markings, but now, with a day off and some darn tree in my front yard, it was time.  So I called the city and, yes, they knew about it.  It was their plan to plant the tree, and since it involves digging a hole, the utility had to come out and mark where the gas and water lines are.

Ah, so I see.  One thing that gives me pause, though, and I guess I should have been more cognizant about this when people stepped onto the front yard to remove the old, diseased ash tree.  The person I spoke to at the city said that they can plant (and, theoretically, remove) trees because it's a "boulevard" tree ... and the front yard is city property.  Wait -- my front yard is city property?  So why in the hell am I mowing it half a dozen times a year?  If it's not my property (and I don't know how it could be my property if it's city property), why in the hell isn't the city coming over to mow the lawn?

Feh.  I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons; I asked what kind of tree it is.  I had thought that if we wanted a replacement tree for the front yard, we had to buy it and plant it.  So I had gone down a rabbit hole of trees that are good to plant in our climate, like this page.  I had dreams about what trees I wanted in the front yard, but the city obviously has other plans.  The city's supposed to get back to me.  Hopefully the tree up front is a hardy, Upper Midwest tree and not one that will get emerald ash borer.