The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

I fell asleep around 10:30 because I was so tired, but I woke up at around 3 and, knowing I have to wake up for good at 6 for work, here I am trying to do this now.  This will be quick and dirty:

Positive Numbers: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!).  OK.  From here on out, everything's gravy.  Even after my adjusted expectations for this program after I saw them in-person defeat my alma mater, they have done everything they probably could have done this year, and hopefully this will be a stepping stone for the Golden Gophers club to build on.

The First Round Game vs. Wisconsin-Green Bay Thursday was ugly.  Apparently (according to one skeet I saw on Bluesky) the Gophs couldn't shoot, couldn't rebound and was making stupid play after stupid play.  The Phoenix led by four Points after three Quarters and were about to crap out in the First Round at home in a 13-4 upset, something that still rarely happens in women's top-flight college basketball.  But thank God for The Blanket Lady.  It's around this time she started running around the perimeter of The Williams Arena court, rallying the crowd, and the team responded by wiping out Wisconsin-Green Bay in the Fourth, 30-9, to win, 75-58.  Phew!

And still, I believe they were the underdog, at home, in their Second Round Game Saturday versus Ole Miss.  With the step up in competition, the team responded better.  And yet the Rebels outscored the U. in the middle two Quarters, 42-29, to take an eight-Point lead into the Fourth.  But Minnesota rallied again, outscoring the Rebs, 19-9, capped off by this Amaya Battle last-second baseline jumper:

Minnesota wins, 65-63, and advance to the Sweet Sixteen for the first time since 2005.  Dawn Plitzuweit has finally taken this program back where it should be.  And sure, they face a daunting task tomorrow/Friday in Sacramento when they face the 1-Seed, UCLA, whose starting five will probably all be drafted in the First Round of The WNBA Draft.  That's OK with me.  All expectations for the season have been met.

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  OK, guys, time to lock it in.  Defeating the Celtics in Boston Sunday for the first time since '05 (the same Year the Gopher women's basketball team reached the second weekend of the NCAA Tournament, coincidentally) was good, especially after being down by so much in the First Half.  And beating Houston at home last/Wednesday night in Overtime (in a Game, by the way, that tipped off for national TV at 8:30) was also good, even though it had a whiff of the Rockets deciding they could drop this one.  But even if they are fighting for a spot in the Play-In, you don't lose in the clutch at Target Center to Portland, like they did Friday.  The Two Elves are still hovering above play-in limbo, but if they just didn't keep losing to teams they should beat, I could see them as true contenders this season instead of being a frustrating enigma.

A light schedule this screening Week: Hosting Detroit Saturday (in a special tipoff time of 4:30 in the second nationally-televised Game Minnesota will play in a row), at Dallas Monday.

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  How rare will a series Win this Year be?  They went down to Iowa over the weekend and took two-of-three, sandwiching a 3-2 Loss to the Hawkeyes with a pair of Shutout victories.  Don't get your hopes up, though; they're still 3-3 in Big Ten play and 11-20 overall.  They host Illinois for a three-Game series in the first Games at Cowles Stadium this weekend, then play at St. Thomas Wednesday.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -4).  I was expecting the worst coming into Sunday afternoon's home tilt against Seattle.  Vancouver just destroyed them, 6-0, and the Sounders probably have revenge on their minds since losing their playoff series last season on Penalty Kicks in both Matches.  So I think the Loons deserve some credit for holding Seattle to a scoreless Draw.  What I was jazzed about the most, however, was that I finally got to see James Rodriguez take to the pitch.  I really thought this was going to be a Kyrie Irving situation, in which he was on the Duke men's basketball team for one season and he was injured (or "injured") for more than half the Year, so he wasn't really on the team.  Actually, it could still be that.  But one of the most electrifying soccer players on the planet stepped onto Allianz Field at the 78th Minute and, frankly, he made the most of it.  He is credited with, I believe, two progressive Passes, one of which was a future-looking one to a streaking ... Anthony Markanich (?) that he crossed over the bar.  Alright.  Now let's see if he can get subbed in sooner.  And let's see if he can assist, or, even better, score.

Off till April 4.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Dropped their first two Games at Indiana before they mercy-ruled the Hoosiers in the getaway Game Sunday, 14-2 in eight Innings.  Then, in the first Game of the season at Siebert Field Wednesday, they ended their matchup with St. Thomas in eight Innings also, walloping the Tommies, 15-5.  Geez, where did this power come from?  Hosting Ohio St. this weekend.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -2).  I guess it doesn't matter what the Mild from here till the end of the regular season.  Barring a complete collapse, they're making the postseason, and they'll make it as the third-place team in the Central.  But they're coming in far from being a complete package, and yes, as a pessimistic Minnesota sports fan, that bothers me.  Sure, beating The Bastard North Stars Saturday gets them brownie points, but that was in Overtime, and since they're five Points behind them, I doubt they're gonna catch The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.1.0.  Beyond that, they began the Week losing in regulation at home Thursday to Chicago, who is in last in the Central, and they ended it getting doubled up in Tampa Tuesday, 6-3.  This team has the strong whiff of one-and-done, again, and Bill Guerin actually traded for players for a playoff run, again.  Oy.  I still think that all of this stagnation is due to them not fighting to name themselves The North Stars.

Like the Timberwolves, the Wild have light Week.  They complete a three-Game road trip with meetings with Florida tonight/Thursday night and Boston Saturday afternoon.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's hockey and Gopher men's hockey (Last Week, respectively: -Infinity and -Infinity).  It's been some time since I've wrote about teams here only after hirings, but I really did want to talk about both because they're so ... uninspired.  Really, Mark Coyle, this is the best you can do?

Want to start with women's hockey.  Nineteen Years of The Brad Frost Era, the last half of which returned no championships and diminishing returns, and you replace him with ... his assistant?  Really?  The program got stale.  If there was any situation in which you should hire a true new voice, this was it.  Instead, you get Greg "Boom" May, Frost's right-hand man since '23.  You really think the most important thing with this squad is continuity?  And what's with the added emphasis that Greg May has  a nickname of "Boom?"  Who cares?  All this talk about his nickname is going to do is set up the team when they lose.  Stuff like, "Boom -- Gophers lose!"  And what happens if these Goofers blow a lead and lose against Wisconsin and Ohio St. (again)?  The headlines will be, "The Gophers have a boom-boom!"  Did Coyle even reach out to Nadine Muzzerall?

And what about the men's hockey club?  Coyle pushes out Bob Motzko because he had a penchant for blowing it on the big stage, and so you hire ... his assistant, Brett Larson, who succeeded Motzko at St. Cloud St.?  What, are the Huskies now the U.'s feeder team?  And I've heard Larson's tenure at St. Cloud St.  It was only middling, and he didn't develop many of his players to get into the NHL.  This team also needed and out-of-the-box hire, because this is only eliciting yawns.  Gosh, what a tremendous double letdown.

Goddamn, Car Trouble Fucks Everything Up

Man, don't you hate it when you have to stop everything just because of car trouble?  OK, I am exaggerating what happened and didn't happen yesterday/Tuesday, but it's still a pain in the ass.

So I go out to sleep in my car at work for my lunch break.  My paranoid eyes always makes me think I'm seeing something that's not there, but on this day, they latched onto something unusual and, turns out, scary: A bulge/blister/bump on my passenger-side tire.  Honestly, I didn't think anything of it.  I just thought I needed to deflate the air in that overinflated tire (didn't help), and then I went inside my car to nap.  But that bubble concerned me anyway, so I had to go to my cell and Google, "is it dangerous to have a bump on the side of your tire?"  And all the entries in the search said, "Hell yes, it's fucking dangerous!"

(Aside: I seem to have more problems with tires on this car than I ever had with my old one.  Is it because it's a subcompact whose tires are naturally lower profile?  I remember getting one of my tires punctured the Friday before Labor Weekend, and now this.  By the way, that bubble is probably the result of hitting one pothole, or one too many potholes.  Goddamn potholes.)

After making a couple calls to see if I could get a tire after work, I decided that after work I needed to swap out that tire for the spare.  But dammit, my mechanic screwed those lug nuts in so tight I couldn't loosen them.  I did not believe at all that I needed to call AAA, but because I am too weak, I had to.  Luckily, even during afternoon rush hour traffic and him helping me being led astray by his Google Maps, the guy who was about to save me arrived at work after one hour.  The last time I called AAA (and I think it was when I had to stop the minivan around St. Thomas for what was a broken alternator), it was at least twice that long.  And after using WD-40 and a long-handle lug nut remover to get as much torque working, he got the bad tire off.  Roadside assistants are angels, they truly are.

Also angels are, I now realize, the only car mechanic in the neighborhood that's open evenings.  Why aren't there more car shops that are open evenings, or weekends for that matter?  Cars don't break down at night or on weekends?  Anyway, the place I babied my car to was the only one around the area open at 7 at night.  And even though they couldn't get the same exact tire for me that evening, they can do so this morning.  Also, they did what I asked them to: Check the other tires to make sure they're fine, and to check the air pressure on the spare (even though I asked the roadside assistant to check and to pump it up.  I always forget to check the air in the spare).

So I talked about having plans ruined.  Specifically, I wanted to eat at either Culver's or Potbelly, two places where I can get free dessert for my birthday.  I then wanted to go home, look through the mail, call Mother about the mail if need be, then maybe nap before I caught the 8 o'clock showing of Ready Or Not 2: Here I Come.  But after I got everything arranged for the (hopefully) quick tire swap this morning, I got my car back, spare tire still affixed, and I still had time to make the movie.  I didn't feel completely safe that I could drive to the theater to watch when I could, and maybe should, drive back home.  But a mixture of relief that people were able to help me and defiance that I didn't want my car trouble to stop me from the fun I planned on having compelled me to get to the movie.  And I made it in time.  And the film was ... um, bloody and profane, but OK, just like the first one.

One problem after I left the shop and before I went into the theater.  I locked the door with the key fob, but I didn't see the light flicker on indicating everything got locked.  I then noticed that the hood was slightly open.  Now I noticed when I was at the shop, looking through the window into the bay where the mechanics were looking at my car, that the hood was opened up, presumably for the guys to go through their customary check of everything in my car even though I was just there to get a tire replaced.  I didn't think anything else of it, though, because I assumed they would slam the hood shut.  But they didn't.  I didn't drive really fast; you're not supposed to on a spare, plus I used side streets to get from the mechanic to the theater.  But I realized that I drove several miles with the hood open.  The hood of my old car flew open while I was driving to the gym a baker's dozen years ago, and that was the scariest fucking thing that's happened to me on the road ... well, OK, maybe top five.  My point is is that it seems very, very dangerous to drive with the hood open.  I don't think anything got ruined, and yet I feel my car is beyond repair because I drove it with the hood open.  Look, if anything did get damaged, I probably won't know till much, much later.  Fuckin' A, man -- these guys were quick, and they treated me well.  But they fucking forgot to slam my fuckin' hood shut?!

No, I probably won't bring it up.  Again, if there's damage because I drove with the hood open, how would I know?  Oh, well, you take the head-slappingly bad with the good when you're in a jam.  Hopefully they can just get me my new tire and do so quickly and easily.

My Time Is Not My Own (Again)

See, I was so busy this weekend ... that I didn't get around to blog post something about the weekend until the weekend was over.

This past weekend was one where I was, yeah, super busy.  I had a volunteer event down south of here Saturday afternoon, and I had the Loons Match Sunday afternoon.  Both of them were in the afternoon, like I said, but those were things I was planning on doing, so that means I was busy over the weekend.  So much so that I had to set the alarm on my phone for both days, something I usually don't do and usually do dread.  To be completely fair, I woke up on my own on Saturday -- early enough, in fact, to water the plants in the morning.  But the phone woke me up on Sunday, and it felt like I was going to work.  Blech.

Come to think of it, I'm busy this week, too.  I had an alumni watching event last/Monday night and saw my team get their asses kicked.  Tonight/Tuesday night I am planning on seeing my first movie in a while, Ready Or Not 2: Here I Come.  I thought the first one was a kick, so I am looking forward to a sequel I didn't think the box office on the first one would call for.  Tomorrow/Wednesday I might stay in, so there's that.  Thursday I work early, so I might work out for the first time in a long time, or I could see this band in south Minneapolis, or I could take a nap so long that it extends into the evening.  Friday I think I'm going to my first roller derby event in years.  And this weekend I need to use this birthday offer at a bar in south Minneapolis while also hoping to see ****e for a fuck.  I really could use a day to myself, but my libido is forcing me to give up time to things I may regret doing later.  Well, maybe not fucking ****e, but all the other stuff. ...

Where My Scatterbrained Stupid Self Pretty Much Fucked Everything Up

I want to think things went downhill as soon as Florida got upset by Iowa last/Sunday night in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament.  I had them losing in the title Game.  With that pick gone to seed, I think my chances of winning either of my bracket pools has also gone to seed.

I got the notification from The Athletic while I was about to go into Target.  I had that 5% birthday discount I wanted to use, but I had been thinking all day on how to and even if I should use it.  I knew I wanted to buy baking soda and a new silicone scrubber to replace my dirty loofah (I should blog post about that loofah later).  But what else?  I need to maximize my discount by buying things I need to get, but I kept going back and forth about whether there are items I only wanted to get.  A circle lock, for when I rent out a second storage unit so I can finally really get down to organizing my stuff?  Well, they didn't have one.  Motor oil?  Nah -- I checked prices on my phone while I was in there; it's cheaper in a few other stores.  Should I get a lime?  I think I'll be out and about again next weekend, so it wouldn't make sense.  I swear there was something else I thought I needed to get, but for the life of me, I couldn't remember.  But I did remember the baking soda and scrubber, so that's what I got, and I was able to strike a whopping 60 cents off my total.  Happy Birthday to me!

And then I come home and, once I went into my bathroom, I realized there was something else I really wanted to get: Tea tree oil to put on the back of my head to get rid of the acne back there.  And I knew I was going to forget something when I went to Target.  I thought about writing a grocery list, but I didn't want to write it down, and I didn't want to bring a piece of paper with me.  Still, I knew there would be a good chance I would forget something, and still I didn't want to write anything down.  And so the tea tree oil I really want to buy I will have to buy without that 5% birthday discount.  I'm so ashamed I think I'll have to buy it at Wal-Mart, where I think it's probably a bit more expensive than if I bought it at Target, even without the 5%.  Can't walk back in to Target without hanging my head in shame.

---

I just ate a Krispy Kreme donut with milk.  The Krispy Kremes were free through its application because it was my birthday.  But I didn't want to eat them all at once.  In fact, my OCD compels me to eat them only every other day.  And it turns out I skipped a day.  Hopefully the last one lasts till Tuesday.

Doughnuts, of course, go with milk.  And this quart of milk I had bought, hmmm, some time ago.  I thought it was still good because the use by date stamped on top of the bottlecap reads today/Monday.  So, just like I have done, I poured some milk into a bowl into which I dunk the doughnut.  Once I finish with the doughnut, I slurp up the rest.  But this time, motherfucker, it tasted funny.  And then I smelled it.  Honestly, it smelled kind of funky for, like, a week before today, but it smelled even worse now.  Goddammit, I think I just drank spoiled milk.  I dumped the rest out of the bowl, then dumped the rest out of the bottle.  I thought it would still be good!  But come to think of it, when I opened it for the very first time (I don't remember how long ago), I saw that part of the cap was already pulled away from its rim.  And maybe I'm being a hypochondriac, but I am feeling really dizzy right now.  A little dissociative, too, like I'm not a part of this body that is typing this right now.

But the thing that kills me (literally?) more than wasting milk is the fact that I had, oh, three weeks to finish off a quart of 2% milk and I couldn't fucking do it.  It was just a quart!  Maybe my lactose intolerance gave me second thoughts.  But I had plans on using a lot of it in a smoothie I was going to make.  I have the fruit in the freezer.  But I was going to make it only after I work out, and I've been too damn busy to work out, so I haven't made the smoothie, so I haven't used the milk that way.  Reminds me that I also have greek yogurt inside my refrigerator.  It has a stamped sell-by date of April 16, but that fuckin' stamp did me no favors with the milk, so for all I know, the yogurt's already bad, too.  Might need to bring it with me to work this week.

---

You know what?  I thought I had a third thing I needed to blog post about illustrating how my dumb ass was fucking myself in another, but I forgot.  Oh, my self-destruction is so meta!

List Of Free Birthday Food/Stuff

You probably suspected this: If you sign up and/or get applications from restaurants, they will give you free food on your birthday.  I think you should take advantage of this because when you signed up, you already gave them all your information upon which they sell to other companies.

I already got my three free original glazed doughnuts from Krispy Kreme because it's walking distance from Great Clips, and I figured I might as well get them after I got my hair cut.  But that may be the only birthday-related free gift I have taken advantage of so far -- plus, I know that I already passed up a free, um, flavoring from Starbucks (?) because I could only use that on my birthday. I really appreciate offers that I don't have to use too soon after my birthday, of which there are some.

There are so many I have received that I need to write them down to figure out how much time I have to get each offer, and to see if there's an order to which I should get them if I am under a time crunch.  Then, I figure I might as well blog post about them, and in chronological order.  So, here goes:

• Caribou: free drink (any size, any type), 3/24
• McDonald's: free eligible item, 3/24
• A Bar Of Their Own: $5 off, 3/31
• my alumni association, 20% off purchase online at the bookstore, 3/31
• Potbelly: free cookie, dream bar or shake, 3/31
• Culver's: free single scoop dish or cone with purchase, 3/31
• Subway: free cookie, 3/31
• Arby's: free dessert (with purchase), 4/2
• Chipotle: free guacamole with purchase of $5+, 4/15
• Target: 5% off next purchase, expires 4/15
• Jimmy John's: free Original sandwich, 4/16
• Visionworks: 50% off prescription eyeglasses or sunglasses, 4/16
• Nike: 10% off a purchase of $100+, 5/16

My Buddha, I Think I'm The Bracket King

So I have bitched and bitched here for years about how badly I start off the men's basketball tournament.  This year is different, by far.

I still can't believe this, but I just finished Round 1 with a record of, get this, 29-3.  I have never done better in a Round 1 in my life, and it ain't fuckin' close.  I'm sure my best is, like, 17-15, or maybe even 18-14.  But only three wrong?  Moreover, those three I got wrong (Ohio St., St. Mary's, and Villanova) I had going out in the next Round.  That means that my champion pick (Michigan), the title pairing (Florida), my Final Four (Duke and Arizona), my Elite Eight and my Sweet Sixteen are all intact.  Obviously I have never, ever been able to say that before.

While this puts me in a position way better than I ever have been before in the two bracket competitions I'm in, I know that, because there are so many people playing in the giant pool I care more about (because I could win a lot of money), there are people who are doing even better than me.  It sucks to have a year where you nearly nailed all of the upsets and, just as important, knew to avoid the wrong upsets.  I thought I was Senor Hotshit when I went 14-2 after Thursday.  I wasn't even on the leaderboard.  I wasn't even on the second page.

So the Games continue, and once I again my nearly-pristine bracket will stand in judgement.  There are many Games in Round 2 I need to break the right way, and if, somehow and someway, I can get the picks right at the same rate as I have up to this point ... I might have a good tournament.  Wish me luck!

Sign Of Inattention Or Sign Of Old Age?

I'm just so mad at myself for fucking up the Horse's Neck I made for myself.

I should back up.  I didn't plan on drinking alcohol yesterday/Thursday.  I should blog post about it soon.  Anyway, I went to Hooters because I wanted to use the March coupon before the chaos of them closing down on Sunday.  The chaos has already begun, however.  I just wanted a Coke, but they didn't have it.  Guess there's no use to order more stuff if they're closing down in three days, but I thought they would still have Coke.  (I'm going back before they close for good Sunday evening.  Let's hope they still have running water.)

Anyway, I didn't want a Sprite to go with the wings and swirl cake I purchased, and I didn't want to just have water.  So, with a bit of regret, I got an Angry Orchard, which they still have.  And since I got one alcoholic drink to drink, I might as well have another one, and I decided on a Horse's Neck because the ginger ale in the fridge has been in there for a long while.

I rely on the International Bartenders Association formula for a Horse's Neck, which is 40 mL (they're international) of cognac and 120 mL of ginger ale in a Collins glass.  That's a ratio of three parts ginger ale to one part cognac, right?  That's important for the story.

So I pour out 40 mL from the ABK6 into a small measuring cup I use instead of a jigger because The Wirecutter recommends it.  Then I pour the Boylan ginger ale to the maximum line, which on this measuring cup is 60 mL.  I add it to the Collins.  I pour to the max again.  I add it to the Collins.  Then I pour to the max a third time, because it's a 3:1 ratio, right?  I assumed I had enough ginger ale, so I was shocked that I was short by 10 mL.  I thought I should maybe use ginger beer to top it off, but fuck it, it's late in the day and I have work in the morning, I'll just have to deal with drinking a messed-up cocktail.

I don't have a huge Collins glass.  It might not be a Collins glass.  But some drinks require a long, rectangular-looking glass, and that's what I have.  And for all the cocktails I can make that require them to be stirred, they all fit into this glass.  But this one was different.  Even though I was short of the 3:1 ginger ale-to-cognac ratio, the last pour of ginger ale brought the cocktail right to the rim.  That's odd.  I'm pretty sure past Horse's Necks I've made weren't that full.

And then I realized I fucked it up.  I was fixated on the 3-to-1 ratio, but I completely forgot about dealing with the actual fucking numbers.  Forty times three is 120.  I just needed to pour the ginger ale out to the max twice, not three times, to get the formula right.  But no, I poured out the cognac once (and not even up to the top at 60 mL, just two-thirds of the way at 40 mL), so I had to pour the ginger ale thrice.  That's how my mind operated.  It's probably how it operates.  And I fucked it up.

---

Later I played Zynga Poker.  I continually make the mistake of misjudging what kind of a hand I have.  I play speed-up, so I only have, like, ten seconds to fold, call or raise, and I still make a decision without completely understanding what I actually have.  A few times I actually think I have a better hand than I do, but more often than not I think it's an OK hand when it's, like, an ace-high straight or a full house.  I didn't see I had a full house on this one hand and I could have taken the other "players" in my table to the cleaners if I had accurately seen that.

Pairing my poker blindness with blowing the Horse's Neck, I don't know if me not paying attention is symptomatic of my old age.  I have been not paying attention all my life, and yet I can't help but think that if I were younger, I would have gotten the formula right, and I would be much quicker at deducing what type of poker hand I've got.

If it's old age, I don't know what to do.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -5).  I didn't factor in the upside to a tight race in the standings: It doesn't take too much to move up.  The Wolves go 3-1, and so they go back up to fourth place in the West.  Sure, they're only one Game from sixth place, but they're only 1 1/2 Games away from third.  That's how congested things are over there.

The T-Wolves have won their last two Games, both at home, to Phoenix and Utah.  And they won both Games without Anthony Edwards, who will be week to week because of his inflamed right knee.  Frankly, they played great in those two Games without him.  Hmmm, maybe those two things are related. ...

They finish up a three-Game homestand tomorrow/Friday night versus Portland, then they go to Boston Sunday, then host Houston on Wednesday.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -1).  ETTD, man, ETTD.  They started their busy screening Week losing to three teams currently out of the playoff picture in The Eastern Conference, Philadelphia, The New York Rangers, and Toronto.  And all of those humiliations were at home.  They finally turned around their fortunes on the road, where they beat Chicago in OT on St. Patrick's Day.

So why are they up here after a 1-3 Week?  Because they are still firmly ensconced in third place in The Central Division.  They currently sit six Points behind The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0., and 14 ahead of The Bastard Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix-Arizona Coyotes.  Wins or Losses, no matter -- the Wild are going to be in the playoffs.  From that point on -- that's when we'll start to care.

They finish their home-and-home with the Blackhawks tonight/Thursday night at the Gica.  They then host said Bastard North Stars, then travel to Tampa Bay.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: 0).  A low-scoring series to begin league play for the Gophs, but they dropped two-of-three, winning 1-0 in the first Game of a Doubleheader Saturday.  (I am absolutely sure there was no scheduled Doubleheader when I previewed the series in last Week's survey.  I see no announcement of it on the athletic department's website.)  They then finished off their U. S. Bank Stadium schedule by losing to North Dakota St. in eleven Innings, 7-4.

I have a feeling sports is going to be really quiet around Dinkytown for the rest of the school Year.  At Indiana for a trio over the weekend, then the club opens up Siebert Field for the season Wednesday against St. Thomas.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -3).  This takes me back to the expansion days for the Loons.  On Sunday afternoon they got the absolute shit beat out of them by the Whitecaps in Vancouver, 6-0.  Maybe this is a case where Vancouver is really, really good.  But how much of this just bad players?  And this is the time I finally get around to talking about their off-season and what message they sent from their transactions before the season started.

MNUFC was coming off a scintillating playoff series Win over Seattle, a franchise that historically has gotten their number.  Sure, a 1-0 Loss in the Quarterfinals to San Diego was dispiriting, but there was nothing that indicated that changes needed to be made.

Alas, changes happened.  Dayne St. Clair, who was named Goalkeeper Of The Year, was MNUFC's top signing priority because his contract expired.  But while the two sides were negotiating, Inter Miami swooped in and said, "Hey, we want you," to which St. Clair responded, "Hey, I want you, too."  Meanwhile, Hasani Dotson, St. Clair's teammate at Oregon St. who was also drafted in the same class as St. Clair, was thanked by the organization for his service to the Black and Blue; he signed with the Sounders.

Then, Robin Lod, a man who became a fan favorite up here, was not given a contract offer at a length to his liking, so he signed with Chicago, who did.  Finally, for some inexplicable damn reason, the Loons traded hard-nosed Defender Joseph Rosales to Austin FC.  Oh, and Head Coach Eric Ramsay moved after two seasons to West Bromwich Albion ... where he was fired after only eight Matches and 44 Days.  Soccer coaches, man. ...

So anyway, that's four players, veterans and stalwarts, plus the Manager, all moving on.  They're bringing in new pieces, and I know they're trying, but how good could they really be, and how good can they be this quickly?  The signing of James Rodriguez is awesome.  I don't know how in the fuck MNUFC was able to convince a soccer player of that caliber and popularity to come to Minnesota.  But he only subbed in on Sunday.  How often will he play?  And remember that his contract keeps him here only through the summer, even though there's an option for him to stay the whole Year.

On top of all that, Major League Soccer is revamping its calendar.  This is the last Year where they play from February to November/December.  They will have what they call a "sprint" season from February to May 2027, then join up with the rest of the world when they begin their season in the late summer of 2027.  Beyond my grievances over The Flip, I can see MNUFC brass looking at the next year-and-a-half and punting.  Maybe the James signing was just window dressing to appease the masses and keep the dollars flowing in.  But it feels very possible they just want to suck for the next 18 Months in order to, hopefully, get better after May 2027 -- at which point I may not be a season ticket-holder.

United FC play a second consecutive Sunday Game, this one at home vs. ... well, whaddya know, The Seattle Sounders.

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4).  Well this is fucking shit.  The softballers lost all three of their Games of the Missouri Tournament held over the weekend in Columbia, Mo., to Iowa St., hosts Missouri, and South Dakota.  Maybe another Head Coach might need to be on the hot seat.  Playing at Iowa over the weekend.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's hockey and Gopher men's hockey (Last Week, respectively: -6 and -Infinity).  Well, fuck, that was swift.  In back-to-back days, University of Minnesota Athletic Director Mark Coyle cleaned out the rinks in Dinkytown.  An athletic program that sometimes feels stuck in inertia just fired up the coaching carousel in both women's and men's top-flight college hockey.

On Tuesday, Coyle axed Gopher women's hockey Head Coach Brad Frost.  Well, the way I have it, Frost was on the last Year of his contract, and Coyle announced that he won't be offered a new contract, so I think the term "fired" that's been bandied about is inaccurate and a bit harsh.  Also, Frost was here 19 Years, by all accounts he's a nice and good guy who ran a clean program, and he did bring Minnesota four national championships in a five-Year span.

Unfortunately, the last title was a Decade ago.  Since then, it is a bona fide fact that both Wisconsin and Ohio St. are the best programs in top-flight women's college hockey, and Minnesota, for all their insular boasting, are a clear cut below.  And Saturday's upset Loss to Northeastern at home -- and they didn't seem to be competitive as they allowed the Huskies to race out to a 4-0 lead before Abbey Murphy played Heroine Puck and scored twice in the Third Period -- was a blaring sign (if only to the fanbase) that things weren't trending in the right direction.  I don't like it when good people lose their jobs, especially when they've been at that post for a long time.  But I agree with this move.

So, if Minnesota clearly is The State Of Hockey, who do they turn to?  There is one and only one top target that could revive the program's fortunes: Nadine Muzzerall, current Head Coach at Ohio St., who has the overall #1 Seed in this Year's tournament and who has won two championships under Muzzerall's helm.  She is One Of Us in the sense that she played for the Maroon and Gold and was an assistant under Frost before the Buckeyes hired her away.  The problem, of course, is money.  I am always skeptical if the U. can pony up the funds necessary to pry the best away from another powerhouse school.  And this is The Ohio St. University, who will not pinch any penny in order to hire and keep the best.

With that said, besides the pull of trying to revive her alma mater, there is one thing the U. has that Ohio St. doesn't have: A decent rink dedicated to the women's team.  I hear that Ohio St.'s arena sucks.  And the university has promised Muzzerall for years that they would build her a new arena that could stand alongside Ridder and Wisconsin's LaBahn Arena, but that promise has been delayed season after season.  Does she get fed up?  And if Muzzerall decides to stay, who then does Coyle go for?  If not Muzzerall, I would take a top assistant from either the Buckeyes or the Badgers.  Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Bob Motzko I didn't see coming.  Coyle actually did fire Motzko yesterday/Wednesday (after eight seasons here) because Motzko had one Year left on his contract.  The U. announced that he and the school "had a mutual parting of ways," but I don't believe that at all.  I don't think the men's program was trending in the wrong direction.  What was troubling, even infuriating, was that Motzko never was able to deliver a title despite mostly having great teams.  And he developed a reputation, unfortunately, as a choker.  I just researched this fact to make sure it is true: In the last three NCAA Tournament Games where the Gophers and Motzko lost and were eliminated, they had a two-Goal lead and blew it.  The One That Got Away surely was the 2023 title Game, where they had Quinnipiac on the ropes early, but let them off the hook so the Bobcats could win in Overtime.

I could see Coyle firing Motzko after another collapse in the NCAAs, but not in a situation like this, where everyone could foresee a rebuilding Year after all the talent they lost.  Yes, their record this Year was the worst since the '71-2 season.  But I thought that would put Motzko on the hot seat, where he would have one season to negotiate the transfer portal and see if NIL money could attract junior players from Canada and the like.  Maybe, and similarly to Frost and the women's team, embarrassing defeats at home -- reportedly, during the last home series against Michigan St., people were booing Motzko -- forced Coyle to make a move now before fan apathy and antipathy became even more severe.

OK.  So where does Coyle go with the men?  One early name has popped up: Garrett Raboin, current Head Coach at Augustana, which is about to get into the NCAAs for the first time in only the Vikings' third season in existence.  He was an assistant under Motzko at the U. and, before that, at St. Cloud St., Raboin's alma mater.  And he's One Of Us; he's from Detroit Lakes.  I think I've talked myself into liking this pick.

You know, I hate screwing over other people.  But opting for a fresh starts feels very invigorating, doesn't it?

An Easy Day Turned Into A Busy Night

I did one of the main chores I wanted to do on my birthday: Rake the roof.  I did that after I took a hard nap, so I was energized going into the evening, where I wanted to watch the World Baseball Classic title Game (won by Venezuela, 3-2 over the Americans) while working on my bracket.

There was one other thing I wanted to do: Clear the back deck of the half-foot of snow.  I was going to do it during the WBC, but I wanted to wait until it stopped flurrying.  Then, I got caught up on the close Game, plus I was really crunching the data on the bracket.  Then the Game got really interesting, so I decided I would shovel after the Game was over.

But gosh darnit, right after the trophy ceremony, my sister called.  And of course I had to talk to her for an hour about stuff.  Just then I remembered I had to do something else: Send out an important e-mail that had to be sent today/Wednesday or else my alumni association was going to get pissed.  That's when I had to end my phone call with my sis.  But then, instead of immediately going out to shovel, I went back to number-crunching for my bracket.  I finally got out to shovel around midnight.

Thankfully, sending out the e-mail was easy.  But I still need to think about my bracket, and I finally got around to blog posting this.  And I am tired, and I should go.  Peace.

Songs Playing The Minute Of My Birth

• The Current: Tame Impala, "Dracula"
• Cities 97.1, Evanescence, "Bring Me To Life"
• 104.1 Jack FM: Guns 'N' Roses, "Paradise City"
• 104.7 KCLD: Lewis Capaldi, "Someone You Loved"