The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  No offense to the male Nine, but there won't be too many chances for them to capture the top spot in a WMNSS this Year.  But they are on a really good run right now.  Over the weekend they swept through their Cambria Classic, which they hosted at U. S. Bank Stadium.  They actually mercy-ruled the most notable team playing in Minneapolis, Nevada-Las Vegas, by a score of 10-0 in seven Innings Friday night.  I was there for the tripleheader Saturday and saw the Gophers walk it off, 3-2, on South Dakota St. in the bottom of the Tenth Inning on a Bases-Loaded Bunt right in front of Home Plate.  Genius.  And then, after downing Nebraska-Omaha Sunday night, 6-4, they "won" their own tournament.

But that's not all!  They took both tilts at Oooooos-Bahnk Stadium vs. Gonzaga, 11-8 Tuesday (I was there) and 6-2 last/Wednesday night.  A perfect 5-0 screening Week and a current seven-Game winning streak ... again, sorry, but they might not have it this good for the rest of the season.  Unfortunately, the other local teams had poor showings, so none of them deserve to be #0 in order for the baseballers to get to Positive Numbers.

At Illinois for three this weekend.

#-1:Wild (Last Week: -5).  Doubled up the Golden Knights in Las Vegas, lost at The Bastard Quebec Nordiques in a Shootout, then annihilated The Bastard Winnipeg Jets-cum-Arizona/Phoenix Coyotes 5-0 at the Gica.  But they are still in a liminal state: Too far behind Colorado for first in the Central, too far ahead of Utah for fourth.  They're fighting The Bastard North Stars for second, but they are 9-1 in their last ten Games, so the First Round series is just about set.  This squad is playing well; now, it's just a matter of fine-tuning the chemistry come playoff time.

Very busy screening Week for the Wild.  They complete a four-Game homestand with Matches against Philadelphia, the Rangers and Toronto, then they start a home-and-home with Chicago playing down there Tuesday.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  It's not great that the fourth-seeded U. women b-ballers dropped their first and only Game in the B1G tourney, getting upset by fifth-seeded Ohio St., who had to play the day before, Friday afternoon by a score of 60-55.  It doesn't look like that defeat will impact Charlie Creme's belief that the Gophers will still be a 4-Seed and thus earn the right to host First and Second Round Big Dance contests at Williams Arena.  Still, it would've been nice to play to seed.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -2).  I swear that once I have time, I'll break down my feelings about what this organization has gone through during the off-season.  But until a couple more teams end their seasons (beyond the two that do this Week; see below) and the survey gets more manageable, I'm just trying to keep my head above water by only talking about Games.  And sadly, the Loons suffered their first Loss of the season at Nashville Saturday, 3-1.  They visit Vancouver this Saturday.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -7).  Like with men's basketball, it appears as though Big Ten softball will play conference Games before completing non-con schedules.  The U. began league action losing two-of-three at Indiana over the weekend, then blanking Southern Illinois-Edwardsville in Edwardsville, Ill., 5-0, Tuesday before getting blanked by Lindenwood in nearby St. Charles, Mo., 3-0 last/Wednesday night.  Another below .500 Week is devolving into a below .500 season.

This Friday and Saturday they play in the blandly-named Missouri Tournament, where they will face Iowa St., host Missouri, and South Dakota.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  I admit that I have given a pass to this club's season-long penchant for laziness and not trying because, more often than not, the players have been able to turn it on and turn in great Wins over great teams and/or find themselves still above the Play-In zone in a tough and congested Western Conference.  But the Games are dwindling down now, and if they continue to phone it in, playing in the Play-In is exactly what they'll do -- and they'll deserve it.

This past Week they outlasted Toronto, but then got blasted at Target Center by Orlando and got their asses kicked at both Los Angeles teams.  This is a bad, bad time to go on a three-Game losing streak.  The Wolves, who were once in third place by a nose, has fallen back to sixth.  And they continue to look too disinterested to take them seriously.  Come on, guys, step it up!

They have to remain out of town because of the high school basketball tournament.  They play at Golden State tomorrow/Friday night and in Oklahoma City Sunday afternoon.  They finally return home to play Phoenix and Utah back-to-back.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6).  This is what I fucking mean when I say I'm continually down on this program.  Coming off an infuriating series where they dropped a Game to puny St. Cloud St., these women try to face up to behemoth Ohio St. in the Semifinals of the WCHA Final Faceoff (which is being played at St. Thomas' brand-new arena, which I didn't know until the Game was going on), and the Buckeyes beat the ever-lovin' shit out of them, 4-0.  Not even competitive?  What the hell are we even doing here then?!

Moreover, when the field (of eleven teams -- my fucking God, why that odd number, and in particular why that prime odd number of 11?  Ten was too few?  Twelve was too many?) for the NCAA Tournament was revealed Saturday, the U. was, in fact, the 4-Seed, falling behind Wisconsin, Ohio St. ... and Penn St.  And the Nittany Lions just got one of their players listed as a finalist for the Patty Kazmaier Trophy.  So they slipped to fourth-best, and they host 5-Seed Northeastern Saturday afternoon.  Honestly, with the way things are going now, I'm predicting an upset Loss on home ice, and it'll serve this listless team of perpetual bridesmaids right.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher men's hockey and Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3 and -4, respectively).  So two programs expected to have down, rebuilding Years wind up doing exactly that, being dispatched early in their respective B1G Tournaments, extinguishing any flicker of hope they could make a miracle run and capture an automatic bid by winning the whole thing before such a possibility could be even remotely entertained.

I'll begin with the b-ballers, who should not have been expected to go anywhere because they're under their first season under Niko Medved.  Sure, they went out in the B1G losing to lower-seeded Rutgers in their first Game of the tourney by five last/Wednesday night.  But again, you've got to throw out a Head Coach's first Year.  Also, there were some highlights, such as their last-second bucket to defeat Northwestern at The Barn in Saturday's regular season finale, or beating then-tenth-ranked Michigan St. back on February 4.  The program needs to convince their best players to stay, then convince other players to join them.  That'll take NIL, a lot of money.  If they can do that (a big if), the squad should only get better.

The male icers don't have the luxury of breaking in a new HC.  After making an appearance in the NCAA Tournament last Year, these young Gophs were expected to take their lumps and learn.  And they did, splitting the last regular season series of the season at home versus Michigan St. (they won the final Game, but that was in Shootout).  But they were next-to-last in-conference, and under their new format, they played, and lost, their sole Quarterfinal Game last/Wednesday night at Penn St., a 6-2 last laugh in a season unfortunately full of jokes on the U.  This club really needs to straighten out their NIL situation, then get wise to how the pipeline to Canadian junior teams works.  Otherwise, Minnesota will be out in the cold of this brave new world of top-flight men's college hockey.  Fingers crossed, but who knows if Minnesota can get their ducks in a row?  Does this put Bob Motzko on the hot seat?

Which Birthday Time Treat Should I Get?

I am noticing more and more that the happy things (as opposed to the sad things) that occupy my mind right now are looking forward to what I want to eat once I get out of work.  Maybe most people think that way.

Anyhoo, I was thinking yesterday/Tuesday if I want to eat after attending the Golden Gopher baseball Game at U. S. Bank Stadium.  It would depend on how snowy it would be; if it was manageable, I would go through the drive-thru (the Game, and the Gophers beat Gonzaga, went three hours, so there was no way I would be able to sit down at a restaurant) and suffer the sleet that came in through the open car window to order.  And it was manageable, so I did.

But which place?  I had in my mind getting this Mountain Dew Baja Blast Freeze whatever thingy from Taco Bell, which deposited it in my app because it's going to be my birthday soon.  I don't know if I will like it, and I hate Mountain Dew.  But it's free, so I'll get it.  And I thought I would get it last/Tuesday night.  But out of the blue I then remembered that this is also Shamrock Shake time, and those are tasty as hell.  I also think, although I'm not sure, that McDonald's (or at least the ones around here) pull them and the Oreo Shamrock McFlurry quickly, like the moment St. Patrick's Day is done.  That sucks, and I want to have them as much as possible.  So, assuming I'm right, I have only a week to enjoy them.  And that's what I was suddenly thinking when I pivoted from Taco Bell to McDonald's.

I got a regular Oreo Shamrock McFlurry as dessert for the Filet-O-Fish I used my points for.  I'm paying for it with my bowels -- darn lactose intolerance -- but I'm glad I remembered to get that green McFlurry at least once this year.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

It's July 2025 All Over Again

So last week I was at My Favorite Coffeeshop doing, among a couple other things, going through my receipts.  Serves me right to get them all in order but not bring my day planner so I could write the amounts down.  Anyway, I have this leather pouch from culture and lifestyle magazine Monocle, which I bought when I went to Hong Kong, that I purchased just so I can shove all my receipts in it.  I haven't done a good job of cleaning it out, though, because as I was doing some digging, I saw a few receipts that were in there should have been accounted for.  They were from July 12 of last year.

In my day planner, I write down all the things I paid cash for, then see whether I spent more money than I got from the bank or not, and by how much.  To be honest, and this may not make sense, in all but, oh, three months since I started this way back in my twenties, I have finished a month taking out more money from my account than spending it.  Anyway, at the end of every month, I make a table and write all my cash transactions (what I spent and what I took out of an ATM) down.  For the month of July, I now had to re-do that table.  Moreover, I am rewriting it for a third time; it turns out there were some receipts from July 12 of last year I found, presumably in that pouch, after I did this month-end table the first time.

It's all done.  Wait -- I can't say that with any conviction.  There could be other receipts.

Help Me, Bill Shatner, I'm Not Regular!

At the college baseball Games yesterday/Saturday, I had coffee before the first Game, had a cheeseburger, fries and a beer between the first and second (aside: They screwed up my order ... I ordered a cheeseburger, I overheard someone order just a hamburger [even though a hamburger isn't on the menu and I don't ever ask for modifications from ordering food at a Game], someone was about to give me a cheeseburger but then yanked it back to swap it with a hamburger ... when I told the workers I wanted cheese, someone in the back just threw a cold slice of cheddar on top of the burger ... I saw the cheeseburger they were about to give me; that cheese was melted ... lazy bums), and a hot dog and a souvenir Wild Cherry Pepsi between the second and third.  And then, once the Games were done, I stopped by Taco Bell.

You know what this should mean, right?  Colon blow, stuff like that.  Nope.  I am not regular.  It's bothering me to no end.  Maybe the spaghetti I'm about to make will do the trick, but the trick should already have been done.

Now, about relieving yourself: Have you seen that cereal commercial with William Shatner?  The one where he calls himself "Will Shat?"  I believe this ad, which aired in the Super Bowl, is a sign of the end times:

I blame Trump.  But sheepishly I admit that I really, really want to try this to regulate my gut.  It's for Kellogg's Raisin Bran, by the way.  I rarely remember what memorable commercials advertise for.

My Sister The Proxy

So I told Mother that I got my passport book and card two and three weeks (respectively) after I applied online, and she asked for my help to coach her through the online application process for her and Father at a day I had time to help her with it.  I told her on Sunday that I could help her Monday evening.

Now, I've told all of you how much of a mental and emotional drain being on the phone with My Mother can be.  I think that planning a long phone call ahead of time, like it obviously was going to be when dealing with an online passport renewal application over the phone and not while I'm sitting next to her, helps remind me that I need to be patient.  What I didn't know, however, was that my sister just so happened to be visiting my parents in Las Vegas for a few days.  Awesome!  She basically became my on-site translator and extra set of hands!!  So sis, can you do the application process for the 'Rents ... and ooh, by the way, can you help me install a new modem and router in their condo, too?

This problem of theirs goes back at least a year.  Mother complains of dead spots, namely their dining room table, which is at the opposite end of the part of their condo where their old, slow, obsolete modem resides.  It needed a new one, I suspected, and then it needed something to boost its range and help the signal break through the condo's walls.  But I wasn't planning on going out there anytime soon, not as long as this Republican administration has the gall to snatch up anyone at the airport they decided they don't like, so I figured my folks would have to just suck it up.  My sister being there, however, changes everything.  I could tell her what the problem is and how to fix it.  So once I decided she could do this (and my sis made the online application process for both Mother and Father go so smoothly), I spent the rest of the night looking up the best modem and router to buy at an electronics store and bought them, then I texted her all the information for the three of them to pick up, bring home, and set up so Mother can finally stop bitching about their shitty wi-fi.

That part did not go smoothly.  First of all, the modem I bought for them has to be hooked up with a coaxial cable.  I thought every place had a coax, but apparently this condo only connects to the Internet outside via Ethernet.  My sister tried to see if the modem would work just hooked up through Ethernet, but she told me (on the phone Tuesday night while I was at the Timberwolves Game) that it didn't.  Also, the router I got for them was just one unit of those "meshes" or "pods" or whatever you call it.  I thought one would be enough.  I thought that if I bought them a second (which, presumably, would be placed as far away as the first "mesh" or "pod," which has to be connected to the modem, in order to maximize the range), they would complain that, like, "It looks bad," or something.  My folks can be that shallow.  Well, Mother complained (after my sis attached this new router to the old modem, which she had a bit of trouble reconnecting) that there still wasn't any range.

My sister was leaving Thursday, and there was no way my parents would even dare try hooking up this second router, so my sister got my brother to buy that second router, which could be delivered the next day (which was Wednesday) because he has Amazon Prime.  (This is where I expand the universe of this blog post by reminding you that after I got home from the Game, I saw that my thermostat didn't work and, ironically, decided to accept a free trial of Amazon Prime in order to buy the same brand of thermostat so that I didn't have to do any wire work to put in a different brand of thermostat, and get it delivered as soon as possible ... even though I put in a second different set of batteries which made the old thermostat finally work.)  My sister got this second router, she installed it Wednesday, and it ... well, I haven't asked Mother yet if the range is better.

All through this ordeal, I profusely thanked my sister for doing this favor -- for our Mother, because our Mother wanted it, but frankly, for me, too.  I don't think she had running to Best Buy and spending a good chunk of one afternoon installing new wi-fi as part of her plans while visiting my parents.  I recognize that I ask ... no, use my sister a lot when I want something done.  Most notably, when I feel like I can't talk to my brother about something I need him to know, I tell my sister and she tells him.  We were in Hong Kong for Grandmother's funeral several years ago, and we were not on speaking terms then, so we asked our sis to relay any messages we needed the other to know.  She recognized that; the night after the funeral service, when I took her to this bar I wanted to go to because I needed a drink, she told me she knows what both of us are asking her to do in order to keep the peace between us.  And she almost broke down crying.  The gravity of burying Grandmother had something to do with it, of course, but being the peacemaker brings its own anguish, and that is something we make her do.

She acted as if she didn't mind putting in a new modem and router, even though she had no previous experience.  Still, besides thanking her a lot for being my proxy, I wonder if there's something else I could do for her ... or does she have a favor I'll have to pay her in kind.  Either way, that's an obligation I should do for her.  She did this for me, after all.

Ice Out Date: March 5

Golly, I just realized that now, when I say "ice out," it has a whole different connotation.  I don't mean those thugs who are kidnapping non-White people and murdering observers.  I have an annual tradition (sort of) where I note the day there is no more snow on the ground in the front yard.  There can be snow and ice in the back yard and the sides of my house (and I checked yesterday/Thursday and there are), but I declare no more snow once I no longer see it in the front yard.  And I saw none when I came home from work yesterday/Thursday.  So the ice (actual) out date is March 5.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -6).  For this Week's Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, I am giving the top spot, and the ultimate superlative of Positive Numbers, to the U. of M. women's basketball team after I treat them with the all-22, so to speak, perspective.  They just played one Game this screening Week, a 78-73 Win over at Illinois on Sunday that finished their regular season.  But that gave the Golden Gophers a 13-5 record in the Big Ten, a 22-7 record overall, and, most impressive to me, fourth place and thus a double bye (you can't get more than two) in the B1G Tournament, which will start (for them) tomorrow/Friday.

On top of that, Charlie Creme says that the U. is in line for a 4-Seed in the NCAA Tournament, and thus the right to host Games for the First and Second Rounds of the Big Dance.  Compared to her first two seasons as Head Coach here, Dawn Plitzuweit has finally engineered the big turnaround in the program she was hired to do.  I wish it came much sooner.  But from what I consider the squad's nadir, blowing a nine-Point lead late at home to Maryland around the holidays, they have been in the ascendancy with a bullet.  I couldn't imaging these Gophs fighting for hosting slot.  But here they are, with a fighting chance to do that and to reach the second weekend for the first time since 2005.

They will play either Ohio St. or Indiana in their first tournament matchup.  This is a conference tournament, where motivations for teams that are already in the tourney are suspicious.  Could the U. make a run toward the B1G title Game ... and maybe win it?

#0: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  I was at Tuesday's victory over The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies.  But it didn't look like they were going to emerge victorious.  Memphis started out hot, especially from deep.  But Minnesota finally took a lead they didn't relinquish with about 6 1/2 Minutes left in The Third Quarter.

As wobbly as they looked, that Win completed a 3-0 screening Week for the Wolves.  They've won four in a row.  They sit fourth in the West, tied in Games behind the conference leader (which are The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics) with The Bastard San Diego Rockets.  They're not looking polished as they win, but they're winning.  This Week will be a busy one.  They finish a three-Game homestand with Games against Toronto and Orlando, then they'll visit both Los Angeles clubs Tuesday (The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers) and Wednesday (The Bastard Buffalo Braves-cum-San Diego Clippers).

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  I feel bad that this club had a really good Week, going 4-1, but I put them down here because of what the Gopher women's b-ball team and the T-Wolves.  The only blemish was Sunday's 8-3 Loss at U. S. Bank Stadium to Kansas, which gave the Jayhawks a split of the four-Game series vs. Minnesota.  The Gophers did sweep Wisconsin-Milwaukee in a two-showdown set, also at Oooooos-Bahnk Stadium, Tuesday and last/Wednesday night.  I don't know if this is the apex of their season.  I hope not; they deserve more shine than I'm giving them this competitive Week in local sports.

This weekend is the Cambria Classic, formerly sponsored by Dairy Queen.  Unlike in years past, the field is, well, a caliber below.  No BcS schools here besides Northwestern.  The others are Southern Illinois (the Salukis and the Wildcats are the two teams Minnesota will not play), UNLV, South Dakota St., and Nebraska-Omaha.  I will hopefully be there to see all three Games, and all six teams, play on Saturday.  After that, the Gophs have a mid-Week two-fer at the Vikings stadium versus Gonzaga.

#-2: United FC (Last Week: -3).  I want to delve into their tumultuous off-season, but not this Week, because I'm tired and I have to wake up for an early shift today/Thursday.  Till then, I'll note that the Loons outlasted FC Cincinnati, 1-0, on a below-freezing Saturday afternoon at Allianz Field.  It was Kelvin Yeboah cleaning up a rebound off a Free Kick.  Glad to see Yeboah contributing early in the season.  And hey, James Rodriguez should be playing soon, maybe as soon as this Saturday night, when MNUFC travel to Nashville.

#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Re-Entry!).  It's hockey, so upsetting ranked teams will happen.  Nonetheless, considering the rough year the Gophers are having, there are still some signs of encouragement that the youngsters on the team are learning and growing.  They were at second-ranked Michigan last Thursday and Friday and got a split.  They beat the Wolverines by a 4-2 score last Thursday before they returned the favor with the exact same score Friday.  But beating an excellent team, and on the road?  Encouraging!

Final series of the regular season is tonight/Thursday night and tomorrow/Friday night, when they host second- or third-ranked (depends on which poll you look at) Michigan St.  All seven teams in the Big Ten Hockey Conference will play in the conference tournament, the Quarterfinals of which (and which the U. will play) is Wednesday.

#-4: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -4).  Beat UCLA by five at Williams Saturday afternoon, got throttle at Indiana by 30 -- egads -- Wednesday.  Eh, it's Niko Medved's first season here.  They wrap up the season home to Northwestern Saturday night.  The B1G tourney begins Tuesday, and unlike the B1G's women's tournament, all 18 teams will play in a six-round tournament.  Thankfully, Minnesota cannot be one of the four worst teams in the league and must play that Tuesday.  However, they will play Wednesday, hoping to reel off five victories in a row.  Man, conferences are too big now.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -Infinity).  Their post-Olympics sprint begins with a 2-2 Week.  Ass-kickings at Colorado and home to Tampa Bay sandwich Losses at Utah and home to St. Louis, a Game that was tied till very late.

Because of this recent swoon, Minnesota sits in third in the Central, three Points behind The Bastard North Stars.  And it's not getting any easier: This Week they visit (Las) Vegas and said Bastard Quebec Nordiques, then come home to start a four-Game homestand with contests against The Bastard Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix Coyotes and Philadelphia.  Hopefully Quinn Hughes will stop his starfucking, else he'll be the next example of both TDS and, more importantly, ETTD.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -7).  No, I don't give a fuck that the Gophers won their WCHA First Round series over St. Cloud St. over the weekend.  The Huskies took the Goofs to a third Game in their series.  They did that by battling the U. to a scoreless tie in regulation of Friday's Game 1, only for SCSU to pot one and steal the tilt in Overtime.  Sure, Minnesota roared back with a vengeance, taking Game 2, 4-1 and Game 3, 6-1.  But it shouldn't have taken them three goddamn Games to advance to the Frozen Faceoff, where they will square off against 2-Seed and second-ranked Ohio St. at St. Thomas' new arena in St. Paul.  I fear for the Goofs' fates.

#-7: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  Got blanked Thursday at for-profit diploma mill Grand Canyon, 6-0.  Then, in the Hillenbrand Invitational in Tucson, Ariz., they defeated Howard, 4-1 in eight Innings, before getting creamed by Arizona (11-2), Long Beach St. (7-0) and ... Howard again.  They now sit at 7-13 with a strength of schedule that won't dazzle anyone.  They have not demonstrated they will be an even decent team this season.

They begin conference play at Indiana for three over the weekend, then travel to the St. Louis area to play mid-Week one-offs at Southern Illinois-Edwardsville (Tuesday) and Lindenwood in St. Charles (Wednesday).

I Hate It When I Panic, And I Really Hate It When I Don't Have To Panic

I wasn't in a good frame of mind when I came home last/Tuesday night after the Timberwolves Game (which they won, even though they finally took the lead on The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies just before halfway through the Third Quarter).  Naturally I checked the thermostat first thing when I got home.  And the thermostat was blank.

Ah, so the batteries ran out.  Well, Father bought a huge stash of AA batteries, so I replaced them.  But the thermostat still didn't work.  Oh, no.  The thermostat we have is just a programmable one.  It also has been there as far as I can remember.  It's been so long since it's been replaced, it makes sense that the damn thing just conked out.

Unfortunately, I suddenly realized I was in the lurch.  You can't really go without a thermostat, can you?  Well, I should take that back; if it were not too long ago, when the temperature was below freezing all day, not having the ability to heat the house with the help of a thermostat would be dangerous.  But we are, thankfully, having a mild (if not necessarily a heat) wave with temps punching into the fifties most days this week.  I have been told that you don't want to let the ambient temperature of the house drop below 60 degrees.  That would happen if it were below freezing, but probably not now when it's much warmer than that.

That would give me time.  To do what ... well, that's what I have been doing the next couple hours.  I ran into a YouTube video whereby you could hack the furnace on using this special two-way wire that does the work of a thermostat, including stopping when it reaches a certain temp.  But my main concern, obviously, is getting a new thermostat.  I tried looking for the exact type of thermostat, but that thing is damn old, so it's not in stock at any hardware store.  It's plentiful online, but that obviously would take time to get shipped, and as much as I think the house could survive without regular heat because of the milder temps, I don't know how long I want to tempt that.

Unfortunately, the thermostats that I could just go and buy are way, way different from the one that's in the house now.  First of all, I see these smart thermostats and they are way too smart for me.  Then, as I fell further down the rabbit hole of learning about the world of thermostats, I saw that the wiring pattern behind the thermostat is very, very important to note and even take a photo of.  Each brand and maybe even each model of thermostat will or might have a different configuration of the ends of the wires being plugged into its socket.  Moreover, the configuration of how the sockets are arranged vary by brand and even by model.  So if I bought one of these things off the shelf, I would have to unscrew the wires, unscrew the mounting plate, put the new mounting plate in (while making sure it's level), then carefully matching up the wires to its socket in the new configuration.  And I'm supposed to make sure the HVAC is completely unplugged while I do this, and I don't know how the hell to do that.  I was going to just wing it and do this intricate wiring work without shutting the power off to the HVAC.  Hey, I'm a big boy now, right?

Ultimately, though, I decided I was too chickenshit to do that.  My dumb ass was sure to get electrocuted.  And then I went on Amazon, saw this particular brand of thermostat, and then saw that magic word: "Prime."  If I sign up -- and, of course, it's only a free trial! -- I can get this same brand of thermostat delivered in two days.  I think the house can go without heat for two days in this weather, right?  So I signed up to get it this Friday.  I just have to remember to cancel Amazon Prime in 30 days because Amazon is the devil.  I just had to dance with him because otherwise I would have no heat.

With that bought ... well, why don't I try new batteries in the old thermostat again?  There are plenty down there, and maybe I just got two bad ones or something.  So I took that old thermostat downstairs, found two other "new" batteries, put them in ... and the display was back on.  Jesus fucking Christ, did I pick two new batteries that just didn't fucking work?  Or is this thermostat being so flighty that it just decided to work then and there?

So I have heat now, and it seems to be working fine.  I thought about cancelling delivery of the new/old thermostat and Amazon Prime.  But remembering how panicked I was, I'm keeping it.  This is a prime example where it's smart to have a back-up.  Of course, I have to remember that I have a back-up thermometer.  If this one conks out for real, there's a good chance I will forget I bought a replacement.  Where would I even put this one once it comes in?  Well, that's not the worst problem to have.

---

I told you at the start of this blog post that I was not in a good frame of mind.  That's because of the car.  I'm scaring myself into thinking it's way too low on oil.  I have checked, or tried to check, the level a few times over the past week or so, but the goddamn thing is so hard to read.  I have a dipstick that has a plastic orange end.  It's hard to read when there's clear, new oil, and it's also a bitch to decipher because it seemingly has oil above the full dot and below the empty dot, and then it's completely drenched in oil on one side of the dipstick but completely dry on the other.

I checked the oil level before driving out of downtown after the Wolves Game.  The dipstick was how I described it above, and it wasn't the first time it looked like this.  So is my car completely tapped out of oil?  I can't believe that; I got an oil change about 2 1/2 months ago, and I don't think it's leaking oil.  And what if I have overfilled it, which is something I am scared as hell I have done if I fully believe what I saw on my dipstick these past few times, acted as if my engine was empty, but got suckered because it was in fact full, or even more than full?

I am in a bind.  Or, I have put myself in a bind of my own delusions.  I have blog posted before that I might be scaring myself into thinking I am about to do catastrophic damage to my car by doing and/or not doing something when the best thing I could do is just chill and drive.  Maybe that's the case here, and I should just relax ... no, fuck no, I need to take this into the dealership.  Maybe they can figure out how much oil is in my car without charging me for an oil change, or something.  And then they can teach me how to fuckin' read the oil level on their shitty dipstick.

And I am changing my mind on that, maybe.  I am leaning toward putting in just a little more oil.  Maybe that'll be the thing that finally gives me the results I want to see on the dipstick.  But what if I overfill it?  I've seen so many fucking disaster films.  Man, why do I have a car?  Why do I even drive?  It's just one more burden you're placing on yourself.

Deep breaths, trying to take deep breaths. ...

Hello, City Workers, And Goodbye, Tree Stump

So almost three weeks ago I was woken up by a city surveyor who I thought was ICE, but really just wanted access to my gas meter so he and his co-worker could mark the gas and water lines on my front yard when people come back and grind the stump of the diseased tree that had to be removed.  He said people would come by the following week.  I called the city the next day to make sure they are who they said they were, and the person I spoke to said the following week was being optimistic.

The person I called was right; they didn't come the following week.  But they came yesterday/Monday morning.  Like, kind of early.  Like, I was hitting the snooze button for the first time when I heard some people talking outside.  It wasn't distracting, but I didn't hear such loud talking at 7:10 in the morning.  Just after I hit the snooze button for the second time, I heard this loud machine noise from what I thought was just down the street.  That was enough to convince me getting just a few more winks of shuteye wasn't in the cards, so I got up, and went to the bathroom -- to pee, of course, but to also look outside to see what was the matter.  And that's when I saw two dudes on my front yard.  One of them was standing a few feet from to this chest-high partition that was surrounding the stump, and another on a payloader with a stump grinder on the front, grinding away on the tree stump.

I go out and, as someone who didn't expect anyone to see a dude working on his front yard at 7:30 in the morning, wave to the guy standing.  "Good morning!" the nice man waved back.  Yep, totally normal.  Also totally normal to back down the driveway and then drive in reverse around the huge dump truck parked askance so I had to be careful that there wasn't another car driving through from the other side because I could've hit them.  But hey, I'm just glad they weren't there to abduct me and whisk me down to Whipple.

Came back in the early evening and the stump was gone.  The person with the city I spoke to on the phone said there was a possibility that the workers would throw grass seed where the stump was to get the grass growing process started, but there wasn't any, and I think that's because the ground is still too cold.  But it does appear like they threw dirt on it.  I touched the hole the stump left behind.  I have never felt dirt that soft, to be honest.

Weird how it all came about, and I do feel bad about the tree, and the circle of dirt left behind isn't aesthetically pleasing.  But hey, I don't mind seeing my tax dollars at work.