The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -1).  I really can't complain about the Lynx right now.  They had an easy screening Week, and they blistered through both opponents, the Sky in Chicago by 21 on Friday (avenging the team giving them their other Loss so far this Year [Atlanta being the other]), then the Mercury in Phoenix by, whoa, 34 in Monday that began Commissioner's Cup play (avenging, sorta, their upset Semifinal Loss in last season's playoffs).  They're 7-2, tops in the league, and I think they're leading virtually every statistic, normal and advanced.  I'm just remembering that they had similar gaudy numbers last season and not only did they not win the title, they didn't even reach the WNBA Finals.  So no, sorry, can't put them above negative numbers.  Maybe next Week if they continue their winning streak, which could reach eight because the Lynx are at home versus Golden State (tonight/Thursday night, and I've got tickets to the Game), Seattle and Paige Bueckers and The Bastard Detroit Shock.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -2).  The Pittsburgh Pirates are above .500 this Year, and they were playing in Pittsburgh, but goddammit, don't get swept by them, ever.  At least the Twinks were able to snap their losing streak at home Monday vs. the White Sox, the club that began the Twinks' losing streak last Wednesday.  They won the series by winning Tuesday, but they got shut out yesterday/Wednesday afternoon, 8-0, as Taj Bradley, who is having a very good season so far, got shaken down for seven Hits and four Runs in 4 2/3 Innings.

And yet they're third in the Central.  Last is Kansas City, and they come to Target Field for three starting tomorrow/Friday night.  Next to last is Detroit, and after a day off Monday, Minnesota travels to them to play three starting on Tuesday.

#-Infinity: Gopher gymnastics (I think I've blog posted about these athletes before ...).  Yeah, I know that the championships were all the way back on April 18.  I wanted to talk about this fantastic team, but I just didn't have the energy or the time.  Now that we are on the really fallow portion of the sports Year, I do have time to honor and, in a contradiction to my normally pessimistic self, signal that this is a good sign of things to come.

Yes, they didn't win the NCAA title.  But they sure as hell weren't given any chance, up to and including the NCAA Championship Semifinals (the penultimate stage of the postseason), to reach the NCAA Championship Finals, aka The Four On The Floor.  They were good, seeded 13th once postseason play began, but this is a sport (and please tell me if I'm wrong) where teams normally play up to seed, so the Gophers' season was supposed to end in the NCAA Regional Finals (aka the second of four stages of the preseason).  But they followed up besting Iowa and Washington in the NCAA Regional Semifinals (the first stage) by upsetting 5-Seed Alabama and 12-Seed Utah in the NCAA Regional Finals.  (Side note: Utah, whose women's gymnastics team is called The Red Rocks, had never failed to reach the NCAA Championship Semifinals ever -- and that's half a century.  I figured that the Head Coach, Carly Dockendorf, would be told to resign because of this first-in-a-lifetime disappointment, but apparently, she's still HC.)

That was good.  What they did in the NCAA Championship Semifinals was even more spectacular.  UCLA, the 4-Seed, competed in the same meet as the Golden Gophers since the NCAAs began, so they advanced together.  The Bruins were so generous in rooting for Minnesota as they began their Cinderella run.  So, um ... it got awkward when the U. outpointed UCLA (as well as 9-Seed Arkansas) to become one of The Four On The Floor for the first time in program history.  I feel kind of bad for the Bruins, even if I'm supposed to hate them.  Anyway, they finished last in the NCAA Championship Finals, behind 1-Seed Oklahoma, 2-Seed LSU, and 3-Seed Florida, who finished, respectively, first, second and third.  (Another side note: I glanced at the TV once when the Finals were winding down, and I swear that Minnesota was third in scoring.  Either LSU or Florida was way behind; was that a screw-up by ESPN?)

See what I mean when I say this sport's titles usually go to seed?  That's why I wanted to note this squad here.  What they did was unprecedented; Minnesota is the lowest Seed to ever reach the Finals.  And considering that they have had some recent success, and that (I think) the state is really involved in women's gymnastics, I think this could, and should, be the start of something great.  I don't allow myself to feel optimistic about pro sports in this way.  For one, they haven't won shit since 2017.  But also, with the possible exception of baseball, the financial rules of pro sports leagues are such that bad teams are given the means (meaning very good young players) to become good teams.  Not so much with college teams.  Coaching matters, and with the NIL Era upon us, spending money to pay players may cause a shake-up in the hierarchy.  But there is a hierarchy, and not to get too detailed with what I mean, the bottom line is that in a college sport, there are traditional blue bloods that win everything and then there are schools that never win.  And you see, Minnesota in 2026 broke that rule in women's gymnastics.  For that reason, there is an opportunity here to be seized upon.  Money, attention, recruits ... I want to think that all of that is beginning to be funneled toward this program because of this level of achievement.  And maybe, just maybe, this could be parlayed into the rise of a new power in women's gymnastics.  Yes, this sounds pie in the sky.  But after what these gymnasts pulled off, I want to believe.

Exercise Or My Stuff?

Today/Wednesday I have the day off.  Well, I need to go to the dentist in the morning, but I don't have anything I have to do after that.  I could finally delve into clearing out my stuff ... but, because the community center is now closed on Sundays for several weeks, tonight/Wednesday night would be a good time to work out.  It's not like I'll get home too late and be too tired to exercise, which is the excuse I always use to not work out after a workday.

Last/Tuesday night I actually got out of work early.  (I think it had to do with mechanical problems down south.  The work that was supposed to come yesterday/Tuesday will come today/Wednesday ... when I'm not there.  Heh-heh.)  I could have gone home and gone through my stuff.  But no, I wanted to celebrate instead by eating Mexican because it's Taco Tuesday.  Then I saw a movie -- The Sheep Detectives, which is a neat movie, but I was going to see Mortal Kombat II.  When I got to the theater, however, they said the movie had already started.  The cashier gave me a showtime a half-hour earlier than the one I saw.  He said I may have been looking at the wrong theater, but I checked my phone -- it said the MKII was starting at 5.  (No matter; I wanted to see it because I thought it was the sequel to the Mortal Kombat film I saw back in 1995.  Tonight I learned that there was not one but two movies between that and this film.  If I missed a flick in a series, I don't feel the need to see the later ones.)

And Monday I got home, but I was, um ... worked over by my ATF.  I wanted to just sit in bed and mentally bask in what she just did to me, so I felt no need to give myself angst by going through my stuff.  Right decision, too.

All's that to say that, once again, I have had ample opportunities to go through the stuff I say I need and want to go through, and yet I don't.  I think the excuses I give are credible.  Still, they're excuses.  And still, my stuff piles up.

I'll go work out anyway.  Got to stay in some sort of shape.

Can't believe she did it!  Beyond my wildest dreams!!  And I didn't have to worry that I shot three days in a row, because the third day, last night, was -- pow!!!

But does this change things?  Hope not. ...

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Sunday, May 31:

• Fucked ****e.  Maybe I shouldn't have done it after getting wanked by ***e*, but I already promised ****e.  I wish I had given myself more time to recuperate.  Total: $120.
• Saturday the 30th ... said HJ from ***e*.  "Responded" perfectly fine.  Total: $120.
• In the afternoon I went to the barber school to get a shave.  Seeing some from high school whom I haven't seen since high school, and I reckon I should clean myself up a bit, even if I'll have a week's worth of stubble on my face.  With tip: $12.
• I then went to Nelson's Cheese for a chicken wrap, a medium corn bacon chowder, and a bottle of RC Cola.  I said that the corn bacon chowder was a diuretic for the ice cream I had the night before, but it was a very tasty diuretic.  It was expensive, so the I gave back all the change from the $20 I handed over, so I spent: $20.
• On Thursday the 28th I went to the Moonwater Gin Bar, specifically for the sushi pop-up.  I'm still on a high from the yellowtail tuna I had.  While I tipped through the receipt, for some reason the restaurant-within-the-restaurant also had fishbowls out asking for tips for both the itamae and the wait staff.  I kind of think it's overkill, but hey, I was totally happy with everybody and everything there, so I tossed in three bucks in both bowls, so the total comes out to: $6.
• Back to Sunday, May 24 ... I first went to Brit's Pub for EPL "Decision Day."  To celebrate the big spectacle (and big crowd), I got two dishes to go along with my Bloody Mary.  With tip: $53.
• I then went to Bebe Zito to grab ice cream.  These guys don't have pennies (I think), so they do the "nearest nickel" thing, and mind rounded up.  With tip -- and golly, that much for ice cream?!: $8.60.
• See, I went to Bebe Zito for ice cream because I wanted to try an affogato by going next door to Caffetto and ordering a double shot of espresso.  Pour the espresso over the ice cream and voila, affogato!  (This wasn't my idea; one day when I went to Caffetto, the barista told me outside food is allowed and in fact told me this hack.)  With tip: $5.
• On Saturday the 23rd I was also at Brit's Pub, this time for the English Championship play-up Game, won by Hull (on a Goal in Second Half Stoppage Time) over Middlesbrough.  I was going to get a second dish if it were going to Extra Time, so that late tally saved me money.  Still, with what I got (a bacon butty [?] and a Bloody Mary), I spent, with tip: $38.
• Later that afternoon, I went to the Loons Match.  Then, after the Tie, I went to Bang Brewing.  It's a nice, humble, easygoing place.  They have great pizza (from a different company).  And they are trying to be sustainable with everything they do, including using the grains for their beer.  I charged the pizza, but I paid cash for the Kernza.  With tip: $9.
• And then I saw that they offer products from this Patagonia Provisions line, items from the Patagonia outdoor wear company that also promote sustainability.  I'll bite; I bought crackers and, even though I swore I'd never eat them and think they're gross on pizza, a tin of anchovies.  Total for both: $11.
• Thursday, May 21 -- it was the very first day of the Kickoff To Summer At The Fair, The Minnesota State Fair.  I saw it as an opportunity to get the fair food I always wanted to get but never got around to getting, get the fair food I usually get so I could try other fair food when the actually State Fair rolls around, and eat all of that without the crazy crowds.  Well, the first thing I did was line up at Amish Annie Donut.  What am I doing?  I mean, the chocolate chip donut was great, but why am I replicating the bad part of the State Fair, and first thing?  The fairgrounds itself, a lot of it cordoned off (BTW, there was no Midway because the rides aren't there), was sparse, actually, so there was room to roam without getting bodied up creepily.  (There are limits to crowds for all four days of this pre-Fair Fair; Saturday and Sunday sold out.)  I went back and forth for both food and drinks and using cash and a credit card.  I used cash for the donut (with tip), cheese curds, a small mini donut beer (with tip), and a Minneapple Pie with cinnamon ice cream.  (For my own sake, I want to note here that I used my credit card for a blue raspberry lemonade from Little Prairie Coffee, a pickle pizza from Rick's, and a Big Fat Bacon, something I've always wanted to try.)  Cash total: $44.
• Back to Sunday the 17th, where I spent my afternoon at Art-A-Whirl, eating and drinking while walking around and looking at art.  I was going to have separate bullet points for every food and drink I bought, but I just realized that, like the Minnesota State Fair, there's nothing stopping me from aggregating all the stuff I consume into one bullet point because this was all for one occasion and one "event," albeit a big one.  So, my OCD satisfied and to spare myself a few more seconds of time, I can tell you that the elote, a special beer from Pryes Brewing just for Art-A-Whirl (with tip), and a can of Coke (also with tip) I paid for with cash to the tune of: $19.
• I will separate donations from victuals and libations.  I saw someone carrying a very light-looking safe on her shoulders.  She was getting the word out about a Narcan first aid kit.  She and the person she was with were soliciting donations, so the second time I saw them, I kicked in: $1.
• Friday, May 15: This is when Art-A-Whirl started, and I bought three pieces of art, two of them with cash, and I feel better of I separated them since they are things that, well, I still have.  In front of this art gallery I patronize was this artist selling small pieces of art.  One of them was an egg chair.  It came disassembled in a small plastic case, like a toy you would get when you put in a quarter in a vending machine, you know?  I found it whimsical enough to buy, even though I assembled it real quick and I think this is a chair only for small eggs.  Regardless, it was cheap: $1.
• I took a break from "arting" and went to Stargazer.  This place may be the hippest part of the Twin Cities for food, and I'm glad I hit Stargazer for the first time in a long time.  One drink, a Stargazer Burger (which actually is the size of a slider), pasta and tip came out to: $48.
• A small parking lot was cleared out for a couple art stalls and a couple pop-ups for food and drink.  The pizza and drink I got (both of which I charged) were great.  But I spied a freezer from this company called Chunk Chunk, and I had to get an ice cream sandwich.  Paid: $7.
• I finally bit the bullet, went back to the art gallery I've been going to for decades, and decided I had the money and the courage to buy a piece of art from the owner, another person I've been acquaintances with for decades.  It is a small framed print which I now have at my work desk.  Yeah, I buy art now.  By the way, I don't know if it's just art, but one does not pay sales tax if you can pay with money.  Cost: $35.

Good through May 31.

I had to evacuate my bowels four or five (probably five) times yesterday.  I had a chicken wrap, and an RC Cola for lunch, but I think the big thing was the medium corn bacon chowder I had.  It was good, and I don't think it was the diuretic in and of itself.  But it triggered all the excrement in my colon from the ice cream I had Friday night.  Things happen like that, at least with my body.  But I didn't think I had four-to-five visits to the bathroom's worth of it.

I think I'm all better now!

Why Did I Think Cleaning The Condenser Unit Would Be Easy?

When it comes to maintaining the AC, I didn't think it would be hard.  I studied up on cleaning the condenser unit.  What I did not take into account is screwing back in the lid.  I should have, because screwing things back in is never as easy as unscrewing them.

This whole rigmarole surrounding cleaning the outdoor unit was a pain in the ass.  I had to first get the water system up and running.  I got everything set up in the backyard, but forgot that the gate valve in the basement had to be turned on, and when I did, I heard this scary as hell banging as the water started flowing.  And then I went outside and the pipe leading to the spigot (where I hooked up the hose I used to rinse the unit) was dripping water like crazy.  I thought there was a bad leak, but it stopped, so (shrug).

I then was able to unplug the condenser.  I was able to yank the, and I just learned this is what it was called yesterday on YouTube, the cartridge in the outdoor breaker, and then the cartridge in the main circuit breaker in the basement.  Unscrewing the cover to get inside the condenser was easy.  Applying the cleaner seemed fine, even though I though there would be a lot more froth.  And the hose worked in rinsing off the cleaner.  But goddammit, I kept lining up the lid, but the holes through which I had to screw the screws wouldn't line up for all five screws.  I was getting both frustrated and hot, and that's not a good combination, so I went back inside to eat the rest of my chicken wrap and cool off.  I tried again, got three screws in, then said screw it with the other two screws.  Everything works and I finally turned on the air conditioning for the first time this year.  But I have two screws extra.

My bedroom is right above the unit.  I don't think it's noisier than it would be if it had all five screws in.

Making My Schedule Based On Time, Money, Car Vibes, And Semen

Fitting my schedule to accommodate chores, outings, and time with my stripper girlfriends have just overwhelmed me.  I need to budget my time, I need to make sure I have enough money to do everything I want to do, I'm getting kind of freaked out over driving everywhere because of the obscene price of gasoline, and, most important of all, I need to make sure I'm able to cum on demand.

It's the stripper girlfriends where all of this comes to a head (in a manner of speaking).  I wanted to get with ****e for the longest time, and I thought last weekend was it, but she didn't answer my texts in a timely manner.  Finally, last weekend she said that this weekend was good.  After some back-and-forth, I am supposed to see her tomorrow/Sunday.  Then, ***e* blindsided me by telling me she was in town this weekend and wants to cum visit.  Not a great time, but I slotted her in for this/Saturday morning.  I don't know if my penis can perform back-to-back, but consider ***e* is only here this weekend and I already promised ****e, I kind of have to turn back the clock.

On top of all that, I've been going back-and-forth with my ATF regarding a massage.  I thought Monday would work, but when I texted her that I would be home Monday, my goddamn cellphone auto-corrected it to I would be gone Monday.  I caught it last/Friday night and said that I could be available after the weekend, and she apparently agreed.  Phew!  (By the way, if my ATF surprises me by doing something freaky, it won't matter that I shot the day before.  I know that, even in my advanced age, surprising trysts with women for the first time will have me ejaculating left and right!)

Now, beyond having fun (which seems kind of forced right now), I have things I need to do -- stuff like getting a shave, replenishing my alcohol, and seeing my junior prom date at the cemetery.  But before all that, I have stuff around the house I need to do -- stuff like getting my irrigation system up and running and, more importantly, cleaning my outdoor condenser unit.  Summer jumped me this week, and even though I partly am backing off on turning on the air conditioner because I don't want to spend money (being the primary caretaker of a house now turns you into a miser, believe me), I think it's high time I clean the outdoor condenser.  After all, my ATF should be giving me a rubdown on Monday, and I want her to be as comfortable as possible.  Running a fan won't be enough to cool her down, and besides, I want to close the windows in case she touches me to the point where I start screaming.

But I've never done it before.  I've looked through the YouTube videos, and I know I should clean out the debris that's inside it, then use a cleaner to clean the coils from the inside out, then use a hose to rinse it from the inside out.  But, they suggest I cut the power.  And even though I have turned off both the thermostat and the AC, I have no idea how to cut off power from the circuit breaker right next to the condenser unit.  I open up the cover and all I see is a metal loop.  What the hell is that?  Oh, well.  I think I am going to try and clean everything after I just turn off the AC and thermostat.

Oh, wait ... I can't hose the unit down after I clean everything because I haven't connected the water yet.  And I can't do that until I screw the nut into the, um, thingy that was pulled out in the fall in order to winterize our irrigation system.  I tried screwing it by hand, but I can't screw it in tight, so some time this/Saturday afternoon I am going to get a wrench and twist it in.  Then, I can use the water, and then I can begin cleaning the condenser because I can then rinse it.  Will I get this all done in one afternoon?  Who knows?  I might screw up, or hesitate at a step and decide screw it, I'll just turn the whole AC on.  I'm keeping my options open.

How does driving fit into this?  Shaving involves me driving in one direction, shopping for alcohol and visiting my deceased prom date means I need to drive in the other.  I do not want to drive both directions this/Saturday afternoon, especially if I need to do this thing with the condenser and irrigation system.  Since I'm seeing a friend next week, I think I'll get my shave and do everything else next weekend.  I think.  I'm keeping my options open!

Yeah, I'm busy.  And I haven't even mentioned sleep.  I want to budget one day where I can sleep in.  But I have to get up at a certain time to make sure I go out to the bank to get money today/Saturday to pay ***e*, and then I have to wake up at a certain time tomorrow/Sunday to drive over to ****e's place because she asked me to.  I won't like being woken up by an alarm up to a dozen days in a row (through next Saturday, when I'm supposed to meet this long-lost friend for which I'm getting my face shaved).

Gosh, I'm dealing with a lot of moving pieces I need to fit over the next two weeks -- and that's just for now, who knows what else is coming down the pike.  I know it's not serious in the big picture, but right now it feels serious to me.

On A High From Eating Sushi

Had sushi, as well as sashimi, last night at this pop-up by a guy making a name for himself.  My bleepin' Buddha, that was great.  In particular, the yellowtail roll I had was excellent.  I'm not even a sushi guy, but since that first bite into that sushi, I've been on cloud nine.  It's so good, I will feel bad once I eat something else because I would feel like I'm disrespecting both the yellowtail roll I consumed and this guy who made it.  I should starve myself to death, because that is an appropriate last meal.

I think this sushi master wants to open up his own place, he just doesn't have the capital yet.  Well, if he keeps this up, he'll be able to line up the finances in due time.  And I will go eat at his place.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  I'm still scarred by seeing up close them blowing a big lead and losing to Atlanta in the season opener.  But they avenged, if something like that were even possible in sports, by taking a lead on the Dream and actually maintaining through the end of the Game last/Wednesday night at Target Center 96-81.  That capped off a 3-0 screening Week for the Lynx that included victories over Toronto at home and at Chicago, the only other team who has beaten Minnesota so far in this young season.  The Lynx now sit at 5-2 and lead the entire WNBA.

I should say a little bit about Olivia Miles.  I still think she needs to develop a jump shot and could be better defending the perimeter.  But perhaps I was a bit too harsh when the Lynx passed over Awa Fam Thiam for Money Miles.  After all, the one position this franchise has sorely needed since the retirement of Lindsay Whalen was a bona fide Point Guard, and Miles was just sitting there at #2 in the draft.  This was an immediate plug-and-play solution to a problem, and it has paid off in spades.  Whenever the team plays, I go on social media and hope to see replays of Miles sending the basketball through a keyhole to an open teammate that I still can't believe was that open.  Miles's court vision is off the charts, and that skill alone both justifies the selection and should earn more recognition from women's sports skeptics.

Light Week this Week: After playing in Chicago Saturday, they play at the Sky again tomorrow/Friday night, then visit Phoenix, the squad that upset them in last Year's playoffs (which was earmarked for the Lynx, who'll go down as The Best Team Never To Win A WNBA Title), Monday night.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  A 4-2 Week, which, in the starkly mediocre American League (at least for right now), puts them in a tie for the final Wild Card spot alongside Toronto.  This is the point where I bring up the Twinks' record as of press time, which is 27-29.  (Aside: The entire American League West is below .500???)  They began the screening Week sweeping the Red Sox in a three-Game series at Fenway Park over the weekend, the first time they've swept them in Boston since 1994.  They have since been involved in a strange tussle with the White Sox at Comiskey Park, losing two-of-three so far, including last/Wednesday night's 15-2 humiliation.

After finishing up with the Pale Hose this/Thursday afternoon, they'll play three in Pittsburgh over the weekend.  That ends their maximum road trip; they'll host The Chicago White Sox, but only for three Games, starting on Monday.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -3).  These guys are still in a funk, especially offensively.  These Loons couldn't be that dependent on James Rodriguez to feed players the ball in the final third, but lately they seem incapable of getting even a shot off.  Saturday's Match is a prime example.  They were down to Real Salt Lake at Allianz Field since the 21st Minute, but they looked absolutely incapable of stringing a pass sequence together.  They also committed Offsides eight times; that's like shooting yourself in the foot eight times over 90 minutes.  Finally, in the 92nd Minute, MNUFC were able to tie the Game, and steal a Point, off the head of, of people, Mauricio Gonzalez.

Great they didn't lose, but they are winless in their last four, so in that sense, having a break of almost two Months might actually do this organization some good.  MLS' Transfer Window, BTW, begins July 13, so right near the end of the Men's World Cup.  Also, United FC go into the break eighth in the West, so barely holding onto a playoff spot.

Car Fluids Spoil??

Yesterday I learned that motor oil goes bad if you don't use it after a certain point.  You know, maybe I should've known better, but I thought that motor oil, you know, never goes bad.

That may be why the big jug of oil Father used never seemed to work when I put it in my car.  The level on my dipstick never went up, and if I didn't put in more soon after I put in some, I felt enormous stress that I should.  It seems as though I never have an issue seeing the oil level in my engine go up after I use one of the newer quart bottles I have in the back of my car.

But I continue to look through the Internet for tips on using motor oil that's been lying around.  I've seen sites that say that you should dump motor oil if it's been open for year, others two years, still others five.  I was of the mind of giving the leftover oil in our garage to the county hazardous waste site, but some corners of the World Wide Web say I can still use it.  So, what's the correct answer?

And I did more research and discovered that the coolant I lug around in my car also expires.  Do I need to get rid of that, too??

Damn, this is getting confusing, and expensive.