Mother Sounded Crazy, Was Right

I continue to love Mother, but when I have to talk to her on the phone for more than five minutes, she gives me a goddamn headache.

Such was the case Wednesday night.  She asked me I didn't ask the DMV about getting her tabs.  I told her if I saw a bill from the DMV about tabs, I would've told her.  Here's the thing: My parents' tabs expired in June.  And neither of my parental units noticed until fucking Wednesday.  Can you believe it?  And My Fucking Mother has the balls to blame me.  This is why I don't have kids.

OK, so she asks me to e-mail the DMV.  She then says some bullshit about being able to buy tabs at yellow kiosk in this chain of grocery store.  I hear her squawk about this and I think she's starting to have dementia.  I mean, I have seen kiosks at this grocery store make keys (which I guess is kind of weird in and of itself), but creating tabs that you can stick on your license plate?  Get outta here with that bullshit, Mom, I'm going to see a play (narrator: Unforgivable Wetness did not go see a play because he thought it started at 7:30 when it actually began at 7, so he decided to have dinner at the acclaimed restaurant in The Four Seasons instead).

I went to the grocery store after having that leisurely dinner.  (Father calling me twice while I was there spurred me on, unfortunately.)  And I'll be goddamned ... there it is, a kiosk that prints out tabs.  I brought the car's information with me, and after five minutes and the tap of my credit card, out came tabs that we should have gotten almost four months ago.  No, Mother wasn't crazy.  She was right, and I told her that.  And then, luckily, I haven't had to talk to her since.  Let's keep that going; my head hurts less right now.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I go back and forth on how much Sunday's Win at Chicago was due to good fortune and how much was to extraordinary effort and outcomes.  Think about it: The Vikings forced a Fumble on a Bears run from the 1 that would've given Chicago the lead and blocked a Field Goal that would've tied the Game.  On the other hand, Caleb Williams probably would've scored a go-ahead Touchdown if he hadn't crumpled to the grass because of his hamstring which looked a lot worse than what it has turned out to be, thank Buddha.

To be a great football squad, you have to win ugly trench battles like this.  And it was raining all day in Chicago, so Offense would be at a premium.  But Minnesota didn't punch it in; their nine Points was just three Will Reichard Field Goals.  As great as the Defense is playing right now (Dallas Turner is blossoming, although it's too late for Kwesi Adofo-Mensah to use that to keep his job with the Vikes), the Offense is sputtering.  And while Carson Wentz at least looks like a competent backup Quarterback, he couldn't keep possession of the ball at any point in the day.  What I'm scared of is that we get what we saw most of the time last season -- Wentz hitting his low ceiling through his errant throws and scattershot decision-making.  Right now, the D is carrying the O.  How long can that last if they continue to have trouble scoring Touchdowns?

Sure, I'm a worrywart.  But I'll say that they lose late Sunday afternoon in Tampa Bay.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -6).  Finished their non-con Saturday ripping through and apart Akron at Huntington Bank, 41-7.  I feel safe in saying that the program is at a point where they won't lose to non-BcS teams.  But now they enter conference play, and they start with a B1G After Dark special, where they go to Seattle and play ranked Washington at 10 p.m. our time Saturday night.  Anytime you want to spring an upset, P. J. Fleck, we're ready.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  Finished their non-con in Sioux Falls, S. D. beating South Dakota and South Dakota St. in the SD Lottery College Volleyball Classic.  But is there anything to dropping one Set to both non-BcS clubs?  I think so.  I think championship teams sweep schools beneath them.  But hey, we'll see how good (or not) this Year's Gopher volleyballers are in league play.  They're at Illinois tonight/Thursday night, then host #25 Oregon Saturday evening.

#-4: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  This team is ass right now, and they're about to complete a collapse for the third goddamn season in a row.  They have had a chance to clinch home-court advantage throughout the WNBA Playoffs for what seems like a Decade, but they have failed to finish this screening Week by dint of Losses at home to New York and at Indiana (they beat the Sun in Connecticut, though everybody beat the Sun in Connecticut this Year).  It got so bad in their defeat to the Fever Tuesday night that all five starters were benched for the Second Half.  The second-stringers actually cut their deficit to seven, but Indiana managed to pull away.

And yet fortuned smiled upon them.  The Golden State Valkyries were coming on like banshees for the #1 spot.  They would have been able to reach a tie by record with the Lynx atop the WNBA if they had beaten the Fire in Portland.  But after staking out to a 17-0 lead, Portland won it in OT, and so the Jynx were able to backdoor their way to the best record in the Dub.  Thank goodness their torrid start to begin the season is insulating their shit play as of late.  There are some galaxy brains that believe Cheryl Reeve & Co. have the league right where they want them.  Olivia Miles was nursing a hamstring, so she was held out of Tuesday's drubbing.  But there is load management and then there is not playing well down the stretch, and what's been happening to the Jynx for the past six Weeks is something you can't explain away.  Add to that the First Round is a best-of-three and the Semifinals remain a best-of-five, and the season that started out like gangbusters and raised the hopes for an entire state could slide away with two awful efforts, of which the Lynx have become quite apt.

I don't know and I don't care if any starters play tonight/Thursday night at home vs. Indiana.  They'd just better fucking show up at some point, and the sooner, the better.

#-5: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Salvaged a 2-all Draw at Robbie Sunday afternoon thanks to a Penalty Kick from Ava Westlund in the 87th Minute.  Could be better, could be worse.  They're at the Indiana schools this screening Week (Indiana tonight/Thursday night, Purdue Sunday afternoon).

#-6: Twins (Last Week: -5).  A 4-3 screening Week, the highlight being Taj Bradley's great start in defeating The Bastard New York Giants Tuesday, and very nice Year overall.  Nice, but they were eliminated Sunday and have been in an existential crisis this Week.  They finish the Year this weekend when they host The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0.  It means nothing to the Twinks, but as of press time, Texas is tied with Houston atop The American League Western Division.  The Loser most likely is eliminated from postseason play.  Therefore, I expect the Twinks to end their Year by getting swept, which is something Twinks fans know all too well.

#-7: United FC (Last Week: -4).  I have tried to defend this organization through a trying and long season.  I still believe that Losses by a Goal aren't routs, despite what over-dramatic queens in supporters sections would say.  A run of one-Goal Losses suck, but I can blame that on statistical bad luck.

But do you know how you lose me?  Blow a lead.  If I were a neutral, I would've liked seeing the Loons' defeat to The Los Angeles Galaxy Saturday night.  L. A. went up in the 12th Minute off a Set Piece, but Marcus Caldeira and Kelvin Yeboah hit back to lead at Halftime, 2-1.  I was hoping like hell they could hold the lead, but too often the Backline failed them, and the Galaxy potted two late in the Match, four Minutes apart, to win, 3-2.  And they're not much better than MNUFC.  But now, with tie-breakers, they are next-to-last in the West.  Believe it or not, a Win Saturday night could put them in the final playoff spot -- still!  Unfortunately, that Game is at Seattle, a place they had recently one won for the first time ever.  Then again, this club appears to play better away from St. Paul.

Don't Know What I'm Going To Do The Rest Of This Week Because I Don't Know If And When I'm Getting Wanked

OK, so for the past week or I've been in touch with *a*** about arranging a meeting with her.  And it's usually with her and another stripper girlfriend, for some reason.  I don't know the last time, if ever, I've gotten any action with her and just her alone.  I have had a devil of a time working out a session with her, and I think it's because she insists that we have a three-way with another woman, and somehow, inevitably, something falls through with that woman, and so we can't meet at all.

*a*** has been stringing me along about trying to do something in the evening.  Well, we're shooting for this/Wednesday evening -- maybe.  She has to include another stripper that she knows, and one that I know way back from My Favorite Stripclub (RIP).  It'd be exciting if I get some play with her because it would be the first time.  But nothing is set in stone.  *a*** is supposed to let me know over the course of today/Wednesday if we're doing this at this third's place or not.  I have been as in touch with her about this tryst as I have ever been, so chances are 50/50, which is still pretty bad.

The rest of my week hinges on whether or not I get to rock out with my cock out tonight/Wednesday night.  I feel the urge to get my pee-pee touched right now, which is why I've been in constant contact with *a*** lately, yet I need 48 hours to "reload."  Meanwhile, I have a plan B, ******e, which I have promised to spend a first one-on-one with for a long time, too.  If we go through with this three-way with *a*** and this other chick, I will ask if ******e can see me Friday.  If this falls through, I'll try and have ******e come tomorrow/Thursday night and, frankly, I can go to a play tonight/Wednesday night.  Just between you and me, I kind of prefer the latter.

See, I want the pieces to fit, yet I can't fit them until I know what's going on with *a***.  Everything else this week falls into place, and quickly, but that cannot happen until I hear from her.  I am also spontaneous (at times), so I can't grouse too much.  But I am grousing, because this is holding up a lot.

The Autumn Equinox Is Killing Me

I love fall.  I really do.  But that might just be my mind, because my body is not adapting well, at least I don't think.

I had enough sleep over the weekend, and yet because I only slept about four hours overnight Sunday night, I felt really, really achy at work yesterday/Monday.  Also, not for nothing, my co-worker had a bad, bad case of the sniffles.  She put on a mask, thank Buddha (I have a stash, she asked for one), but it ain't no N95 or KN95, so let's see if I'm sick, too.

I had to go this place I was at Thursday because I have a deal that expires today/Tuesday.  There was a deal that was for one day only on Thursday.  Before these two times, the last time I was at any place at this chain maybe was a decade ago, and that was in the western metro at a place I think has closed down now.  Anyway, I got there and stayed for two hours while watching Monday Night Football.  The deal was a free full order of garlic bread so long as I buy some other food, and stupidly (even though it is good), I went for a personal-sized pizza.  I didn't finish either.  And when I brought it home, I fell back into my doomscrolling stupor, then went to bed just after watching the weather forecast.

I got up for good around 6 (an hour ago as I type this), but I must have been tossing and turning in bed for, oh, an hour before that, so even though I am awake, I think I've been up since 5.  My body feels better.  But last night I did what I've done often in the past month or so.  Sure, going to bed may be healthier for me, but my parents' coming back is looming, and I haven't done a damn thing.  I need to start cleaning up, but I had a chance to do that on Sunday because I stayed in all day, but I chose to do the laundry, start (but not finish) my receipts, eat and watch football.  I will bang my head against a wall the moment my parents tell me they're coming home because I had all this time to put myself in a better position and I haven't done it.  Right now I'm sorting my week as to when I will have time to start doing that, and I still feel the pull of going out and, say, watching a play or a movie.

Maybe the oncoming winter is killing me.  Or maybe it's my bad decisions.  Or maybe it's the specter of my parents coming home, like a bleepin' sword of Damocles.  Or probably, it's all of the above.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Sunday, September 20:

• We actually go back to Wednesday, September 16, when I fucked ****e.  She took me into her mouth thrice!!!  Cost: $120.
• I noticed I got three crisp, consecutive $1's in change, and even though this was not the date, I decided to record storing these dollar bills on this date: $3.
• On Monday the 15th I went to the Trylon to see It Happened One Night.  Still holds up as a brisk screwball comedy after all these years.  And now, seeing it a second time, I had not appreciated how, um, saucy the final sequence is.  It was made pre-Hayes Code, after all.  The thing about the Trylon is they do not rely on credit cards at all.  That's admirably old school, but they do allow payment by check.  Shit, man, I thought I last saw someone pay by check in-person at a grocery store two decades ago.  But I didn't have enough money to buy a ticket and popcorn and Coke (the ATM on the way there from work does not have after-hours access), so I went back out to my car to grab my checkbook.  So I filled out a check for $8 for the ticket, which freed up the remaining money I not only for some concession, but a large popcorn and a bottle of Mexican Coke, exactly what I wanted!  And I paid: $8.
• Back to Labor Day, the last day of The Minnesota State Fair.  For the record, I stayed there for, I think, six hours, which is possibly a record amount of time I stayed there.  I charged the Blue Barn's Cracklin' Ribs, a second Pina Colada I got from Manny's Tortas, Tot Boss' elote tots, and the twist raspberry-and-peach beer cone from Lulu's.  I paid cash for the Bee-Nut pie, the lemonade slushie from Holy Land, the Sausage Sisters' When Pigs Fly, and a small Lift Bridge root beer.  That all came out to: $37.
• Saturday, September 5: Went to see ******a at My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition).  Cover, tips, drinks for her and me, and 20 table dances from ******a: $231.
• On Thursday the 3rd I went to Charito's for a wrapped package of day-old cookies.  The guy gave me a discount, and I still gave him a tip.  Total: $8.50.
• Later that evening I went to the Dakota to see Bob James, a smooth jazz pianist best known for the theme song to Taxi.  It's weird, but the Dakota gives a discount to anyone paying for their ticket in cash.  I had enough to spare, so I was ushered from the front desk to another guy who handles cash for tickets, or something.  He didn't have a register with him, so I could only give him cash if I had exact change -- well, it was $50.41, but he was OK with $50.40 because I didn't have a penny.  Whew!  I went on and used more cash for the black caesar salad, gumbo and drink I had.  With tip for my meal, it all added up to: $125.40.
• Going back to Sunday, August 30, and there's a whole of shit I paid cash for.  Start with Chipotle, where the cashier rounded down.  With tip: $11.10.
• I then got wanked by *****y: $150.
• I then went to Dairy Queen, which, according to my notes, was my second meal that evening, which I don't quite understand now that I'm doing the final draft.  There was a deal through the DQ app I used for a small chocolate malt.  Then, there was a fuck-up where I had to wait almost half an hour to get the malt.  Apparently my order was "bumped," and only after I asked did they go back and find it.  The person who rang me up up-sized my malt to make up for it, which I didn't necessarily want because the small was the portion I wanted, but OK.  Oh, and this Dairy Queen rounds up, so I had to pay: $3.25.
• Late that night, for the first time ever, I went to Bunker's to see Dr. Mambo's Combo, which may be the longest-running residency in the country.  Nice hang, especially for a late Sunday night.  Cover, cider, Coke and tips (plus free popcorn!): $28.
• More EWRs for Saturday the 29th ... I was able to wake up very early that morning, which allowed me to do something I wanted to for some time and eat at Al's Breakfast before parking meters began getting enforced.  With tip I paid, and this seems expensive to me: $21.
• Went to my game-watching bar to see my alma mater's football team start up the season.  I paid cash because this is one of the places that has a credit card surcharge.  I don't take advantage of this all that often due to the convenience of credit cards, alas.  But on this date I used legal tender, to the tune of: $40.
• Finally, I went to the Midway Saloon after the MNUFC Match.  Don't know why.  I think I should go only after they won, and they only drew with Orlando City.  Plus, they coughed up the lead late into Second Half Stoppage Time.  Maybe I wanted to celebrate that they scored thrice in four Minutes.  Anyway, shoutout to the babe bartender baring her belly.  Cider and tip: $10.

Good through September 20.

No Foresight When It Comes To Toilet Paper

So I ran out of toilet paper just now, and I didn't have a back-up.  So I walked downstairs, shirt on but nothing covering me below the waist, to go to the master bathroom and grab the roll from there.  We've got rolls, I just don't want to grab a whole pack right now.  Anyway, I obviously didn't wipe my ass before going down there, so my shit gets to be on more of my skin.  And I overlook that I was walking around the house naked, including at my front door, so if someone stepped up to the front door just as I was walking down the stairs, I'd be fucked.  And of course, I overlook that I have walked around the house naked many times before, especially after fucking around with my stripper girlfriends, so why would I be worried that I would get caught now, and to that I say, well, I'm more embarrassed at just what happened and when I'm fucking around with my stripper girlfriends I would, well, not be ... unless my parents blindside me.

I have stayed out late a lot, especially lately.  And even though I endeavor to do things once I get home, I am usually too tired.  Well, I often eat and/or drink, and that makes me too tired to do things I should do -- the laundry, the dishes, my stuff, you know, the usual things I complain about.

And today is one of those nights.  I was going to go to sleep and blog post something in the morning because I didn't have anything to write about.  Well, I do now ... and now that I've done it, as pithy as it is, I am going to try and sleep.

Deleted Zynga Poker

Just did it, around 11:28 a.m. now/Saturday.  A lot of reasons why I did it after years of Zynga Poker (and, before that, Mafia Wars, from which I was gatewayed into playing Zynga Poker after Zynga shut down Mafia Wars).  The big reason, if there is one I can point to above all, is that Facebook/Meta has de-platformed Zynga, and I find I don't want to play Zynga Poker if I can't easily get to it through my Facebook.  Also, they took away the Daily Bonus, where I was given up to, and then more than, a million "dollars" just by checking in every single day.  That is how I was able to play Omaha, with their huge initial antes, and then win, thereby propelling myself up the leaderboard and rise in status.  How high did I get to?  Master I, apparently, the lowest stage of the second-highest tier in the Zynga Poker pyramid, looks like.  Well, if I can't get money, I won't be able to win the money I need to keep up my status.  And tumbling down the pyramid is no fun.  Finally, even though they say the cards are random, too many times I felt like I got screwed in the end when an opponent (or a bot -- another reason I'm quitting is because I simply don't believe the people I am playing against actually are people) backdoored me.  For all those reasons, I decided to quit.

Maybe I shouldn't be as surprised by this, but I don't miss it.  Zynga Poker didn't feel like an obligation to play every night per se, but I've been to the website, oh, maybe twice in the past ten days since September 1, around the time they got tossed off Facebook.  I've been busy, and it has been too, too easy to forget that I haven't played poker.  And I'm OK with that.  If that's the case, maybe it's best to delete it.

Like a drug pusher, Zynga Poker has somewhat emphasized that I have seven days from now to change my mind.  All I have to do is go back to their website and push a button, and all my relegating settings will be restored.  I hope I don't get sucked back into playing again.  Hopefully, I'll forget that I even requested all my data be deleted.  And then I'll be done with Zynga Poker.

RIP, Psychologist

So I attended the funeral of my therapist yesterday/Friday afternoon.

It was raining all day -- not the ideal weather conditions to travel to a church and then attend the post-funeral reception, but it was the appropriate mood.  I didn't know anyone there except his secretary, but I was allowed to just stand and pace and look around in the church and wait for the ceremony to begin.

Nice-looking church.  Churches are always nice looking.  I'm not Catholic, but some of the psalms and beats and call-and-responses were actually familiar to me.  Then I remembered that I attended the funeral of my sister's best friend's mother back in December.  She too was Catholic, so I remembered what I had seen yesterday from back in December.  And then it dawned on me that I've been to two funerals within the past 12 months, and that I may be going to a lot more as I get older.

I will never know what to say, or how to behave, at a celebration of life memorial.  I mean, what can you say?

I saw the family march out in the steady rain to bury him.  It was not my place to accompany them, so I drove to his son's townhouse for the reception, then waited about a half-hour to make sure I saw people park and go to what I hoped was the right address.  (In the meantime I fell asleep, or at least tried to; a couple of times, as I was about to doze off, I could feel my Adam's apple press up against my collar and tie, and I felt this fear that I was drowning shoot up inside me, and I woke up again.  Wearing a collar and tie will always feel like I'm choking myself.)

Feels tacky to say this, but I will: The son has a nice place.  For a townhome whose driveway they split with another family, it's really spacious.  The food was decked out in what looked like a small indoor racquetball court.  I could totally see a family live here.  Heck, with the downstairs wet bar, I could see myself living here, even though it might be a big too spacious for just myself.  There, I did what a person who was not the deceased's immediate circle would do: Eat and keep to myself.  Eventually the daughter-in-law introduced myself, and that was nice to not feel like a total stranger.  I wanted to shake hands with her husband, the son, but on my way out (I didn't want to stay too long) I did what I thought was the absolutely necessary thing to do and give my condolences to my therapist's wife, the widow.  I remember a couple times calling him  where she picked up and handed the phone to him.  She said she knows who I was and remembers him raving about me.  I can't imagine being one of the people he remembers so fondly, but that's nice to know.

---

Seeing a man so loved made me tear up a little at the church.  It is jarring to see his two sons break down as they memorialized him.  And it is sad to watch, but it's a testament that he was so loved and valued, and what more can you want from a life?  I only know him from our relationship, but it was at the church where I saw how many friends he made, and how many lives he touched.  He was a hell of a guy who did a whole bunch of nice things, for his family and his professional community.  And his patients too, like me.

I have friends, but I don't confide in them like I did with my psychotherapist.  There are things I've told him I haven't told my family.  It's mostly my fears and sexual urges, and frankly, those are things I am not completely certain I can tell my friends, and definitely not my family.  (Sidetrack: Those things, especially my sexual urges, I would totally tell my stripper girlfriends.  But nearly all of them do not seem to want that level of emotional intimacy I am ready to give them at the drop of a hat.  That favoritism is something I think I told my shrink.)  And through all my rants and paranoia and erotic fantasies and violent ideations, for the 10-5 years I had known him, he just ... listened.  And that's what I miss about him the most.  He was a sounding board, someone I could not only talk to but talk at, and he just listened to me without judgement.  That isn't a healthy relationship, but that is definitely what my damaged, damned soul needed, to be listened to without judgement.  OK, so his advice the past several times we spoke over the phone were strange and not productive.  But that doesn't take away the fact that over the years he was someone I could talk to, and he helped, and tried to help, me when I needed someone to speak to in private.  I don't know if I can find another one like him again.

RIP, sir.

Goddammit, I Hesitated And Lost!!! (I Think)

Late Tuesday night I was doomscrolling through Bluesky when I came across a skeet that posted a screenshot of another skeet or tweet from someone who either works for an organization that watches oil prices or is just an obsessive oil market watcher.  That person said that he predicted a huge jump in the price of gas within the next 24-48 hours.

Hmmm.  When I saw this I had half a tank.  The next morning (yesterday/Wednesday) I was going to drive a ways so I could see/have sex with ****e.  If I woke up early enough, I thought I could top off.  But that skeet/tweet said this was going to affect the Great Lakes States.  Well, Minnesota borders Lake Superior, but the skeet/tweet did list states east of us -- Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Michigan, and Wisconsin (although not quite, according to this person ... Wisconsin has lower gas tax), and not Minnesota.  Frankly, I didn't have time, so I was going to check prices when I came back from laying pipe into her, and if I see prices shoot up, I'll go searching.

On the way down the prices were what they were Tuesday: $4.25, which is obscene, but that was the price it had been for a few days.  OK, I still have time, or so I thought.  But when I came back home, I see all these signs for $4.50.  Shit, the early afternoon was when everybody raised their prices.  I go to my go-tos which usually have the lowest prices in the area, but it was too late.

So I should've not taken any chances and just filled it up all the way on my way to seeing ****e.  My only saving grace is that I have just downloaded a new gas station application, and my reward for signing up is getting 25 cents off my next five fuel-ups (even though they expire in about three months).  Sure, that would mean I'm still paying $4.25 a gallon, but it is a discount.  That's all I got.  Seriously, though, these fucking prices are ridiculous.  There is one man to blame directly, but there are about 77 million Americans who should also share the blame for this bullshit.  Fuck you, you stupid motherfuckers.