So on a whim I went out to Applebee's last/Thursday night for the first time in at least a decade because I want to try their O-M-Cheese, this dish where a burger is cut in half, then the flat side of both halves are sat down in a layer of melted cheese in a skillet alongside a plate of fries.  Very good, but there was Thursday Night Football (Cleveland survived Pittsburgh) and a pair of winner-take-all First Round Game 3's (Atlanta over Philadelphia in baseball, then Las Vegas over Indiana in women's basketball) still to watch, so I ordered a side dish of mozzarella sticks, which were half-off to end the night.  And then a guy from the end of the bar offered me a few mozzarella sticks of his own, to which I wholeheartedly said yes.  And then I thought I could eat all this mozza sticks ... and then my stomach said I couldn't.  So I brought two of the three sticks I was given by this kind strangers home with me.  I said aloud at Applebee's that it's impossible to re-heat mozzarella sticks, and now I am faced with doing such a task.

I can't eat as much as I used to, nor as much as I think I can.  Hate that.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher football (Last Week: -2).  This may be the most impressive victory the Gopher footballers have had under P. J. Fleck since Penn St.  I gave the Gophs pretty much no chance of going into Seattle and beating a Washington club that received a few votes in the polls.  But they raced out to a 21-10 Halftime lead, looked really good while doing it, and then held on to win.  Like I alluded to, when's the last time Fleck and his team upset someone, let alone on the road?  That is why I elevate the U. gridiron boys above both all the other local sports teams and negative numbers.  But can they continue on this run versus a Michigan team run by a legendary Head Coach (Kyle Whittingham) in his first Year.  If there's any season to take down the Wolverines and get The Little Brown Jug (and they're playing at Huntington Bank Stadium), it's this early Saturday afternoon.

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I still don't know how they're doing it.  Featuring a Third Quarter that had nine possessions alone, the Vikes managed to go 3-0 after going into Tampa and beating the Buccaneers late Sunday afternoon, 23-16.  Will Reichard should get some lush hosannahs, but right now, the Defense is carrying this team.  Isaiah Rodgers is fast becoming a household name and a highlight reel onto his own, but Dallas Turner may be The Most Improved Player In The NFL.  He seems to "get it" now, and he is developing moves that will terrorize Offensive Lines for years to come.  The only problem is that the Offense still isn't jelling: Kyler Murray, in his first Game back since suffering a concussion in Week 1, went only 15-of-29 for 168 Yards and a sweet Touchdown to Jordan Addison, which is his first TD of the season.

I'm getting paid to watch the Vikes host Miami late Sunday afternoon.  But since this is a Minnesota sports team, if I am a betting man, I would jump on the Dolphins as much as my fear allows.  Fun fact I heard last Week: Miami is the only team in the NFL that has not had a snap in the Red Zone.  That will change Sunday -- mark my words.

#-2: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -5).  Going to the Hoosier State, they beat Indiana Thursday, 2-1, but got blitzed by Purdue, 3-0, where all three Goals were scored over a span of ten Minutes early in the First Half, ouch.  Looking at one women's soccer bracketologist, Minnesota is not projected to be in the NCAA bracket.  But hey, maybe things can change beginning with tomorrow/Friday night's Rock The Robbie! Game vs. Maryland.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  I'm realizing there's going to be a lot of talk about Head Coaches in this Week's WMNSS.  Let's begin with Keegan Cook, whose Minnesota volleyballers started B1G play with a pair of four-Set defeats, at Illinois Thursday and home to ranked Oregon Saturday.  That has prompted a few volleyball diehards on a sports chatroom to begin the death watch on Cook.  And frankly, I can't blame them; Cook has been very underwhelming.  This Week they're home to host Northwestern tonight/Thursday night and sixth-ranked Wisconsin early Sunday evening.

#-4: United FC (Last Week: -7).  With a 3-1 Loss to Seattle, that's now five Losses in a row for the Loooooooooons, and they now sit next-to-last in the West, six Points behind the final playoff spot.  It's sad and maddening to see this XI rack up the defeats, and only now (IMHO) have they started to look like they're giving up.

And yet ... I got kind of into it on Bluesky over whether Cameron Knowles should continue to lead this squad.  I mean, some people think he should be fired right now.  I'm in the no camp.  MNUFC is trending in the wrong direction, no doubt.  But I believe the big problem is talent acquisition.  They lost or let go of four players (Dayne St. Clair, Robin Lod, Joseph Rosales and Hassan Dotson who, by the way, scored the Game-winning Goal in the Sounders' Win over the Loooooooooons) before the season started and haven't really bought someone who could link up play in the offensive third or finish (and no, James Rodriguez doesn't count, even though I bought his Colombia jersey, sue me).  While some see players not developing under Knowles' reign, I see guys who aren't up to snuff.  Now, I will say that their competence on Set Pieces is something that's gone missing.  But I'm pinning this lost season on the Front Office, not the Manager.  Besides, teams change Head Coaches too often in international soccer.  Oh, and finally, I heard Knowles is a nice guy off the pitch.

Off till the 10th, when they face Houston at Allianz.  So glad I have a conflict.

#-Infinity: Lynx (Last Week: -4).  I, I, I ... can't with this team.  I hope to God I'm not harder on the Jynx than I am with any other local sports team because of my misogyny.  (Wish I had a stable mother.)  Because, goddammit, fuck this team.  This year they had all the goddamn excuses at the ready as to why they became the first #1 seed to lose in the First Round of the WNBA Playoffs: The Liberty had a lot of Wins for an 8-Seed, New York has championship mettle, Olivia Miles is a rookie, Napheesa Collier still needed time to round into shape (I thought she already fuckin' did that), the refs fucked 'em ... blah-blah-blah, not only did they lost, not only did they get swept, they were completely uncompetitive in either Loss.  You can't just insult them merely asking in jest which team is actually the 1-Seed and which the #8; the Jynx looked like The Worst Team In The WNBA who miraculously stumbled into the postseason like Forest Gump.

I keep thinking about this, and I've come around to a change that I didn't think is possible and one I think many Jynx fans will regard as blasphemy: Cheryl Reeve needs to go.  I don't like it, and I am sure that she is a good person whose morals I love.  But shit, man, that team should have the past three league titles, and yet they are still without a championship since 2017.  And beyond the ritual humiliation that happened these past two Games were the strange moves and comments by Reeve after it.  The size the Liberty threw on the court completely locked down the Jynx, and Olivia Miles, who was just named Rookie Of The Year, has seen that achievement immediately tarnished when she was benched for the entire Second Half of Game 2, and that was after her shitty showing in Game 1.  And then Reeve said that the Jynx, who led wire-to-wire in the W, wasn't supposed to win the title this Year?  And then she says that she feels no pressure because she's a Hall Of Fame Coach??  Did she really say that???  Are you fucking kidding me???  That may be her trying to defend her players or deflect from a colossal failure, but this team has in fact retreated from a WNBA title stage by stage, from the WNBA Finals to the Semifinals to the Quarterfinals.  This franchise is going backwards, and Reeve, as Head Coach and General Manager, has to be held accountable.  Sorry not sorry.

This may be my emotions talking, but fuck it -- blow up this team.  Collier's a Free Agent, and since she's coming off a disastrous last month of play, she can chase that paper elsewhere.  Miles, for all her preternatural talent and success, still needs to bone up on Defense and learn how to get around bigger players.  And fuck it, get bigger!  I don't care if this means wasting two or three Years of Miles' career; it's time to turn the page, let go of Reeve's favorite players (alongside Reeve), and get a Coach and a roster hungry to win.  There's something that has ossified behind the scenes with this organization.  I thought that a championship or two or three would mean that putting up with that rot was worth it, but it has only turned the Jynx into The Buffalo Bills of the W.  Start the fuck over with this sorry-ass team.

The Mailing Tabs Saga Is Over (With A Twist)!!!

Well, at least Federal Express did its job.  Exceeded it, actually; while at work yesterday/Tuesday, Mother texted me saying she got the second tab from me.  Thank goodness.  Now maybe she can't get off my back.

But here's the thing.  She got the FedEx package at 11:06 a.m. their time -- a hell of a lot sooner than the 5 p.m. deadline I was given when I sent the second tab Monday evening, so kudos to them.  But at 11:57 a.m. their time, the first tab I sent through the United States Postal Service arrived.  It was almost four goddamn days late, but it arrived.  So I wanted to send one tab, for a whole weekend and then some Mother fucking freaked out because she had zero tabs, and now she has two/both.  Fuck us.

In the morning I will make one final journey out to the downtown post office, this time to get the refund I deserve.  They guaranteed the first tab would get there Friday evening, and it didn't, and the guy told me Monday morning I'm entitled to a refund, so that's what I'm going to do.  Damn, if this Republican government wants to break the government in order for the people to believe the government can't do anything so that services get privatized so that Republicans can get even more money ... well, they're doing too fucking good of a goddamn job.

When Will This Mailing Tabs Saga End??

So before work yesterday/Monday morning I go back downtown to the post office, which was where I mailed my parents' tabs.  It was supposed to be in their hands Friday evening, but according to the website, the last known location was St. Paul Thursday evening.  I was hoping that the postal worker could bring up more information beyond what I found punching in the tracking number onto a website, but it doesn't look like he did/could.

It was the right thing to do, going to the post office, but I would be lying if I wasn't badgered into doing it by Mother.  When she recommended going in the morning, she wanted me to call her.  It was around 5:30 a.m. her time, but, well, my parents are fucking crazy like that, waking up in the morning.  She was her usual panicky, overbearing self when I broke the news that there was no new news.  So she wanted to go to Plan B.  We get two tabs when we renew, but in Nevada you need only one license plate, so you need only tab.  Mother told me to send her only one tab for situations just like this, where the other gets lost in the mail.  That happened, so now she wanted me to send the other one -- but to Federal Express, not USPS.  Logical.

She wanted me to do this as soon as possible.  I thought to hell with that, and I told her I would go as soon as my workday was done, and no sooner.  I even turned off my phone from time to time at work because I didn't want her bothering me.  To be fair, she didn't call, and it just so happened that I got out of work at a decent time, so I went home to grab the tab, then go to FedEx.  (This is where I confess that I lied to Mother; when she asked me if I brought the tab I have to the Post Office, like she said she told me to do [and she did], I said yes when I knew I left it at home.  So glad I had time to go home, then go to Federal Express.)  Unfortunately, the cutoff time for packages to be sent overnight was five minutes after I got there.  However, I was directed to another FedEx place south of this location which has a later cutoff.  I went home, changed vehicles (I drove the minivan to the first Federal Express), kept my tab on me, and drove.

I made the mistake of calling Mother, which she wanted me to do when I was calling her from the first FedEx), when I was at this second FedEx.  She was telling me to do things with the tab that were obvious.  She was talking my ear off because she's anxious/upset she hasn't gotten the first tab I sent her.  So when I got to the front of the line, I hung up on her.

So for about $40 Federal Express says they will send it overnight, and it'll be in my parents' hands by 5 p.m. this/Tuesday evening.  Hope so.  Anyway, this fuck-up once again brings out the bitchiest in My Fucking Mother, which I abhor.  Saying that, none of this would have happened if the USPS just overnighted my package to my parents like they promised they would, and like I paid for.

I've lodged complaints.  Someone apparently from a post office in Las Vegas left me a message in response.  I'll hopefully hear from this person tomorrow, because I want this goddamn saga to end now.

And The Goddamn Motherfucking Pipe Is Leaking Again

So I blog posted about a leak in a pipe that happened the motherfucking day after my parents left town.  I don't know if I blog posted this, but a day or two later (I think) I tightened it up to the point where it didn't leak.  What a relief.  Heck, I felt like a man who could hold it down.

It was so "good" that I didn't bother looking at the plastic ice cream bucket below the clamp where the leak was for weeks.  Why?  If there is no reason to worry, I am free, you know?  Well, yesterday/Sunday I thought it was time to check, just in case, and goddammit, there was a small collection of water.  The bucket wasn't overflowing, thank Buddha, but if I had left it till, oh, Thanksgiving, maybe.

So I dumped out the water and looked at the clamp, and goddammit, the clamp is now dripping water.  All I could do -- all I want to do right now -- is tighten the screw some more.  My paranoid ass has checked it several times since, and it looks as though it is still dripping, but by an amount that appears livable ... maybe.  Shit, man, I don't know if homeowners just live with pipe leaks like this.  Besides, there was no leak for more than nine months.  I want that, not dealing with this bullshit.  And I'm afraid that if I try to tighten it more, I'll break the clamp and water would be shooting out from everywhere.

Why can't I have pipes that just don't leak?  Is that fucking too much to ask?

I'm so scared.

This Fucking Overnight Mail

The drama surrounding my parents' tab is not done yet, goddammit.  It hasn't been delivered yet.  I sent it Thursday morning, the guy said it'll be delivered by Friday evening, and it's now Sunday afternoon, and it hasn't been delivered yet.  Checking the USPS website, the last known sighting of this package was that it was sent to St. Paul Thursday evening.  And that's it.

I spent 40 fucking dollars to get this delivered in 1 1/2 days.  It's probably this fucker Louis DeJoy's doing, and this installed Republican government won't do a goddamn thing about it.

Mother was her usual panicking, bitchy self over this.  Last night she called me and demanded the tracking number so she can go to the website, put in the tracking number, and see the same fucking thing I see.  She then said I should've told her I was going to overnight this because then she would tell me how to send it through Federal Express.  Yeah, sure she would do that.  That bitch is only saying that because the fucking Post Office hasn't done its job.

I don't want to talk more about this, this is so fuckin' infurating.

Every local team losing on the same day, like yesterday/Saturday, sucks, but I'm Minnesotan, so I'm unfortunately used to it.  But when you add my alma mater losing an eminently winnable Game on top of that -- fucking sucks.  Like I may have said here before, don't ever become a sports fan.  All that will happen is you will have your heart broken and your guts ripped out of your body, and when you realize you're looking forward to that shit happening to you again, you'll know you're a goddamn sucker.

Is That You?

So I picked up my dry cleaning after work yesterday/Friday.  Not at first, but the face of the woman who got my suit and white shirts seemed familiar.  I didn't know from where, but considering my, um, hobby, I knew that if a face looks familiar but I don't know how, I should just keep my mouth closed and leave.

I think it was while I was driving to my next destination, Target, that I think I know where I might have seen her: My Favorite Stripclub (Non-Cover Edition), God bless it.  I think she stripped there.  She wasn't, or isn't, one of these girls who works parties.  In fact, she was as by-the-book as you can while she worked there.  But she is, or was, hot, cute, smart, and easy to talk to.  All I remember from her is that she said she had a receptionist job downtown.  That obviously is a long, long time ago.  I haven't seen her, assuming it is her, since the club closed just before the pandemic.  But hey, maybe she now works for the dry cleaner ... which gives me more reason to dry clean more clothes there!

Mother Sounded Crazy, Was Right

I continue to love Mother, but when I have to talk to her on the phone for more than five minutes, she gives me a goddamn headache.

Such was the case Wednesday night.  She asked me I didn't ask the DMV about getting her tabs.  I told her if I saw a bill from the DMV about tabs, I would've told her.  Here's the thing: My parents' tabs expired in June.  And neither of my parental units noticed until fucking Wednesday.  Can you believe it?  And My Fucking Mother has the balls to blame me.  This is why I don't have kids.

OK, so she asks me to e-mail the DMV.  She then says some bullshit about being able to buy tabs at yellow kiosk in this chain of grocery store.  I hear her squawk about this and I think she's starting to have dementia.  I mean, I have seen kiosks at this grocery store make keys (which I guess is kind of weird in and of itself), but creating tabs that you can stick on your license plate?  Get outta here with that bullshit, Mom, I'm going to see a play (narrator: Unforgivable Wetness did not go see a play because he thought it started at 7:30 when it actually began at 7, so he decided to have dinner at the acclaimed restaurant in The Four Seasons instead).

I went to the grocery store after having that leisurely dinner.  (Father calling me twice while I was there spurred me on, unfortunately.)  And I'll be goddamned ... there it is, a kiosk that prints out tabs.  I brought the car's information with me, and after five minutes and the tap of my credit card, out came tabs that we should have gotten almost four months ago.  No, Mother wasn't crazy.  She was right, and I told her that.  And then, luckily, I haven't had to talk to her since.  Let's keep that going; my head hurts less right now.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -1).  I go back and forth on how much Sunday's Win at Chicago was due to good fortune and how much was to extraordinary effort and outcomes.  Think about it: The Vikings forced a Fumble on a Bears run from the 1 that would've given Chicago the lead and blocked a Field Goal that would've tied the Game.  On the other hand, Caleb Williams probably would've scored a go-ahead Touchdown if he hadn't crumpled to the grass because of his hamstring which looked a lot worse than what it has turned out to be, thank Buddha.

To be a great football squad, you have to win ugly trench battles like this.  And it was raining all day in Chicago, so Offense would be at a premium.  But Minnesota didn't punch it in; their nine Points was just three Will Reichard Field Goals.  As great as the Defense is playing right now (Dallas Turner is blossoming, although it's too late for Kwesi Adofo-Mensah to use that to keep his job with the Vikes), the Offense is sputtering.  And while Carson Wentz at least looks like a competent backup Quarterback, he couldn't keep possession of the ball at any point in the day.  What I'm scared of is that we get what we saw most of the time last season -- Wentz hitting his low ceiling through his errant throws and scattershot decision-making.  Right now, the D is carrying the O.  How long can that last if they continue to have trouble scoring Touchdowns?

Sure, I'm a worrywart.  But I'll say that they lose late Sunday afternoon in Tampa Bay.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -6).  Finished their non-con Saturday ripping through and apart Akron at Huntington Bank, 41-7.  I feel safe in saying that the program is at a point where they won't lose to non-BcS teams.  But now they enter conference play, and they start with a B1G After Dark special, where they go to Seattle and play ranked Washington at 10 p.m. our time Saturday night.  Anytime you want to spring an upset, P. J. Fleck, we're ready.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -2).  Finished their non-con in Sioux Falls, S. D. beating South Dakota and South Dakota St. in the SD Lottery College Volleyball Classic.  But is there anything to dropping one Set to both non-BcS clubs?  I think so.  I think championship teams sweep schools beneath them.  But hey, we'll see how good (or not) this Year's Gopher volleyballers are in league play.  They're at Illinois tonight/Thursday night, then host #25 Oregon Saturday evening.

#-4: Lynx (Re-Entry!).  This team is ass right now, and they're about to complete a collapse for the third goddamn season in a row.  They have had a chance to clinch home-court advantage throughout the WNBA Playoffs for what seems like a Decade, but they have failed to finish this screening Week by dint of Losses at home to New York and at Indiana (they beat the Sun in Connecticut, though everybody beat the Sun in Connecticut this Year).  It got so bad in their defeat to the Fever Tuesday night that all five starters were benched for the Second Half.  The second-stringers actually cut their deficit to seven, but Indiana managed to pull away.

And yet fortuned smiled upon them.  The Golden State Valkyries were coming on like banshees for the #1 spot.  They would have been able to reach a tie by record with the Lynx atop the WNBA if they had beaten the Fire in Portland.  But after staking out to a 17-0 lead, Portland won it in OT, and so the Jynx were able to backdoor their way to the best record in the Dub.  Thank goodness their torrid start to begin the season is insulating their shit play as of late.  There are some galaxy brains that believe Cheryl Reeve & Co. have the league right where they want them.  Olivia Miles was nursing a hamstring, so she was held out of Tuesday's drubbing.  But there is load management and then there is not playing well down the stretch, and what's been happening to the Jynx for the past six Weeks is something you can't explain away.  Add to that the First Round is a best-of-three and the Semifinals remain a best-of-five, and the season that started out like gangbusters and raised the hopes for an entire state could slide away with two awful efforts, of which the Lynx have become quite apt.

I don't know and I don't care if any starters play tonight/Thursday night at home vs. Indiana.  They'd just better fucking show up at some point, and the sooner, the better.

#-5: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -3).  Salvaged a 2-all Draw at Robbie Sunday afternoon thanks to a Penalty Kick from Ava Westlund in the 87th Minute.  Could be better, could be worse.  They're at the Indiana schools this screening Week (Indiana tonight/Thursday night, Purdue Sunday afternoon).

#-6: Twins (Last Week: -5).  A 4-3 screening Week, the highlight being Taj Bradley's great start in defeating The Bastard New York Giants Tuesday, and very nice Year overall.  Nice, but they were eliminated Sunday and have been in an existential crisis this Week.  They finish the Year this weekend when they host The Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0.  It means nothing to the Twinks, but as of press time, Texas is tied with Houston atop The American League Western Division.  The Loser most likely is eliminated from postseason play.  Therefore, I expect the Twinks to end their Year by getting swept, which is something Twinks fans know all too well.

#-7: United FC (Last Week: -4).  I have tried to defend this organization through a trying and long season.  I still believe that Losses by a Goal aren't routs, despite what over-dramatic queens in supporters sections would say.  A run of one-Goal Losses suck, but I can blame that on statistical bad luck.

But do you know how you lose me?  Blow a lead.  If I were a neutral, I would've liked seeing the Loons' defeat to The Los Angeles Galaxy Saturday night.  L. A. went up in the 12th Minute off a Set Piece, but Marcus Caldeira and Kelvin Yeboah hit back to lead at Halftime, 2-1.  I was hoping like hell they could hold the lead, but too often the Backline failed them, and the Galaxy potted two late in the Match, four Minutes apart, to win, 3-2.  And they're not much better than MNUFC.  But now, with tie-breakers, they are next-to-last in the West.  Believe it or not, a Win Saturday night could put them in the final playoff spot -- still!  Unfortunately, that Game is at Seattle, a place they had recently one won for the first time ever.  Then again, this club appears to play better away from St. Paul.