Results Of Bracketology 2026

Team 64, also known as The Last Team In In A Just World: Texas A&M

Teams 65-8 (in order): N. C. St., Texas, SMU, Miami (OH)

Team 69, also known as The REAL Last Team In (In Reality): Oklahoma

For Shits And Giggles, Teams 70-2: Auburn, San Diego St., Indiana

So for the first time in maybe ever, the hive mind correctly predicted the last four teams out.  N. C. St. got sucked into the Play-Ins, and Texas A&M was a little closer to that morass than all the bracketologists thought.  And shockingly, Missouri was free and clear into the actual bracket.  So there you go.

Bracketology 2026

Man, I used to really love watching the Selection Show.  But then they crammed the fucking Play-In Games down our throats, and then Turner got their shit-ass hands on half the tournament, and then Chuck Barkley and Jet Smith started commentating on it even though they haven't done fuck-all about talking college hoops up till then, and then half of the tournament Games were put on cable, and then they spread out tipoff times so that there's only Game coming down to the wire at a time and if that Game is boring there's no reason to watch, and then CBS stopped whipping around to the best Game happening at that time (and this is the worst decision that was made, and it is fucking unforgivable) ... and now I don't care.  I might just plow the rest of the driveway then.  Or, I might just sleep through the show.  I don't care.

Anyway, as of press time, Bracket Matrix has aggregated the following teams into the following categories.  Teams are listed in order:

The REAL Last Teams In: UCF, Texas A&M, N. C. St., Santa Clara

Play-In Games: Missouri, Miami (OH), SMU, Texas

Actually, They're The LAST Teams Out: San Diego St., Auburn, Oklahoma, Indiana

I'm scared about trying to use the snowblower tomorrow.  I'm sure I've said that on this blog before.  I probably was scared then, and I'm scared now.

The enormity of the snow -- I just went out at 2 in the morning to shovel the stoop and the top part of my driveway; even though I didn't measure, I eyeballed 4 inches, give or take an inch -- makes me afraid what I'll do if I can't get the blower to start.  But I checked the snowblower last night, and everything was set where it wasn't supposed to.  By that I mean that the choke was on, the, uh, speed thing was all the way fast, and most worryingly, the gas was on when it should be off.  The entire carburetor had to be replaced in the last summer, and I think it was because the gas switch was on for a long time, thus flooding the carb.  I think that Father tried to run it once before my parents left for Las Vegas and just didn't put all the settings back.  But I looked at the snowblower a couple times before last night and I didn't see anything wrong with it.  In fact, I know I looked at the gas switch and though it was turned off.  So if the snowblower doesn't work again, it's probably because it wasn't "put back" properly, and it'll serve me right that I failed to check.

We'll see in the morning.  Or afternoon.  OK, whenever I wake up. 

"Preparing" For The Biggest Goddamn Snowstorm I've Ever Seen

So this is the literal calm before the storm.  What began brewing Sunday turned, around Thursday, into something big, real big.  And unfortunately for me, the track began curving upward.  Unless I've interpreted things wrong, this blizzard is going to be a direct hit right on top of us.  Two motherfuckin' feet are possible.  What we probably should call The Ides Of March Blizzard might top The Halloween Blizzard of 1991, and that fuckin' storm is affixed in lore.  And even if it's not, it looks like we're clearing a foot here easily, and I don't remember the last time a blizzard that huge has ever registered with me (and that includes The Halloween Blizzard of 1991; I was just a kid who had no cares then).

So ... what to do?  I am bemused by everyone rushing out to do grocery shopping before it hits, which should come in around dinnertime and might not relent for 24 hours thereafter.  Come on, guys, this isn't the Siege Of Leningrad here.  It's going to be bad, and it might be historically bad, but it's only one day ... well, maybe a day and a half, tops.  You should have enough food now to get you through, and if you don't, frankly, you live in a bad situation beyond this blizzard.

With all that said -- well, I looked outside and, like I said, it's calm.  It's just a late-winter day out there -- overcast, too cold for my liking, but otherwise a day that you can travel without incident.  A part of me wants to hunker down and let the snowstorm do what it wants, but that does not sit well with the other part of me.  I will go out, and I probably will twice. I need to dump this trash, get some cash for my stripper girlfriends, and then probably grab lunch.  Later, I might check in and see this band, then probably get dinner to go before the storm kicks in.  It's not going to be horrible until overnight, but I want to be hunkered down before I even touch a flake.  And see, even I am beginning to feel like I want to "prepare" before the storm hits, even if it's just having an empty trash can to begin this storm.

I'm scared.  I'll admit that.  I just went into my backyard to make sure there's no hole in the roof or something.  I just feel that something bad will happen alongside this blizzard because it feels like my lot in life.  Maybe the worst plausible thing I can think of is that the snowblower won't work.  If it doesn't, I might not be working Monday.

I'm starting to understand why people panic-shop at the grocery store now.

I should go now.  Well, I'll juice this lemon, then go.  I think I'll need a cocktail after looking out from my window tonight.

NO, NOT HOOTERS!!!

Heard it on Common while working yesterday/Thursday afternoon: Hooters and The Mall Of America is closing for good.  Last day's next Sunday, the 22nd.  Goddammit.

First things first: I have kind of an obsession with stores that have been at the Megamall from the start.  (The store can't move from its original footprint.  Also, it can be renovated, but it might not count in my eyes if it, say, closed down in order to make those renovations.  Length of time is important in this case.)  Hooters was one of them.  With it being gone, what's left?  Macy's?  Nordstrom?  Cinnabon on the 1st floor?  That alpaca place that somehow stays in business?

But I am sad about what I think of as an institution closing down.  That breastaurant made me a man.  I'm joking.  Well, only half-joking.  Well, that half-joking part is perverted as hell, because going there was the first time in my life I felt good about being proud of looking at gorgeous women dressed daringly (or at least how I thought daring was at the time).  I think the first time I went to Hooters I went with my high school buddies.  My friend noticed that our (hot) waitress was stuffing a pack of cigarettes in her fanny pack, and I thought that was the hottest goddamn thing ever.

Hooters MOA overcame a flurry of sexual harassment lawsuits early in its tenure to just be the place teenage boys go to begin to get in touch with their heterosexual desires, and for parents to bring their boys to prevent them from becoming gay.  I went from time to time to ogle, of course, but there are a few servers there that I'm familiar with.  No way are we friends or anything, but I think that we are acquainted enough that whenever we see each other, we smile, and that's great.  My "relationship" with Hooters was cemented over the past several years once I decided to buy the Hooters calendar every year and, if possible, get it autographed.  It was nice to have the sexiest Hooters girls sign.  I even took the calendar to other parts of the country if I were vacationing so I could have other Hooters girls in other branches sign it.  And, of course, I came back ... well, not because of the food per se, but for the coupons that came with the calendar.  If I spend $15 when I visit this month, I get a free dessert.

I planned on going Thursday to get that free dessert, and to watch the actual start of March Madness, but now I must go.  And I probably will go that Sunday too, its final day.  Thirty-three years, man, a third of a century, and they said it wasn't making enough money.  I will miss the fuck out of that place.

You know, come to think of it ... I know the perfect place to replace Hooters -- Twin Peaks.  Same concept, they're growing (the company, not my dick), and even though the closest stores are in Fargo and Omaha, it might be time to bring one to the Twin Cities.  And who knows, maybe those Twin Peaks girls will do things beyond my wildest dreams.  No, probably not.  But a lonely hetero perv can dream, and Hooters allowed me to do that.  RIP, Hooters Megamall.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -1).  No offense to the male Nine, but there won't be too many chances for them to capture the top spot in a WMNSS this Year.  But they are on a really good run right now.  Over the weekend they swept through their Cambria Classic, which they hosted at U. S. Bank Stadium.  They actually mercy-ruled the most notable team playing in Minneapolis, Nevada-Las Vegas, by a score of 10-0 in seven Innings Friday night.  I was there for the tripleheader Saturday and saw the Gophers walk it off, 3-2, on South Dakota St. in the bottom of the Tenth Inning on a Bases-Loaded Bunt right in front of Home Plate.  Genius.  And then, after downing Nebraska-Omaha Sunday night, 6-4, they "won" their own tournament.

But that's not all!  They took both tilts at Oooooos-Bahnk Stadium vs. Gonzaga, 11-8 Tuesday (I was there) and 6-2 last/Wednesday night.  A perfect 5-0 screening Week and a current seven-Game winning streak ... again, sorry, but they might not have it this good for the rest of the season.  Unfortunately, the other local teams had poor showings, so none of them deserve to be #0 in order for the baseballers to get to Positive Numbers.

At Illinois for three this weekend.

#-1:Wild (Last Week: -5).  Doubled up the Golden Knights in Las Vegas, lost at The Bastard Quebec Nordiques in a Shootout, then annihilated The Bastard Winnipeg Jets-cum-Arizona/Phoenix Coyotes 5-0 at the Gica.  But they are still in a liminal state: Too far behind Colorado for first in the Central, too far ahead of Utah for fourth.  They're fighting The Bastard North Stars for second, but they are 9-1 in their last ten Games, so the First Round series is just about set.  This squad is playing well; now, it's just a matter of fine-tuning the chemistry come playoff time.

Very busy screening Week for the Wild.  They complete a four-Game homestand with Matches against Philadelphia, the Rangers and Toronto, then they start a home-and-home with Chicago playing down there Tuesday.

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  It's not great that the fourth-seeded U. women b-ballers dropped their first and only Game in the B1G tourney, getting upset by fifth-seeded Ohio St., who had to play the day before, Friday afternoon by a score of 60-55.  It doesn't look like that defeat will impact Charlie Creme's belief that the Gophers will still be a 4-Seed and thus earn the right to host First and Second Round Big Dance contests at Williams Arena.  Still, it would've been nice to play to seed.

#-3: United FC (Last Week: -2).  I swear that once I have time, I'll break down my feelings about what this organization has gone through during the off-season.  But until a couple more teams end their seasons (beyond the two that do this Week; see below) and the survey gets more manageable, I'm just trying to keep my head above water by only talking about Games.  And sadly, the Loons suffered their first Loss of the season at Nashville Saturday, 3-1.  They visit Vancouver this Saturday.

#-4: Gopher softball (Last Week: -7).  Like with men's basketball, it appears as though Big Ten softball will play conference Games before completing non-con schedules.  The U. began league action losing two-of-three at Indiana over the weekend, then blanking Southern Illinois-Edwardsville in Edwardsville, Ill., 5-0, Tuesday before getting blanked by Lindenwood in nearby St. Charles, Mo., 3-0 last/Wednesday night.  Another below .500 Week is devolving into a below .500 season.

This Friday and Saturday they play in the blandly-named Missouri Tournament, where they will face Iowa St., host Missouri, and South Dakota.

#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  I admit that I have given a pass to this club's season-long penchant for laziness and not trying because, more often than not, the players have been able to turn it on and turn in great Wins over great teams and/or find themselves still above the Play-In zone in a tough and congested Western Conference.  But the Games are dwindling down now, and if they continue to phone it in, playing in the Play-In is exactly what they'll do -- and they'll deserve it.

This past Week they outlasted Toronto, but then got blasted at Target Center by Orlando and got their asses kicked at both Los Angeles teams.  This is a bad, bad time to go on a three-Game losing streak.  The Wolves, who were once in third place by a nose, has fallen back to sixth.  And they continue to look too disinterested to take them seriously.  Come on, guys, step it up!

They have to remain out of town because of the high school basketball tournament.  They play at Golden State tomorrow/Friday night and in Oklahoma City Sunday afternoon.  They finally return home to play Phoenix and Utah back-to-back.

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -6).  This is what I fucking mean when I say I'm continually down on this program.  Coming off an infuriating series where they dropped a Game to puny St. Cloud St., these women try to face up to behemoth Ohio St. in the Semifinals of the WCHA Final Faceoff (which is being played at St. Thomas' brand-new arena, which I didn't know until the Game was going on), and the Buckeyes beat the ever-lovin' shit out of them, 4-0.  Not even competitive?  What the hell are we even doing here then?!

Moreover, when the field (of eleven teams -- my fucking God, why that odd number, and in particular why that prime odd number of 11?  Ten was too few?  Twelve was too many?) for the NCAA Tournament was revealed Saturday, the U. was, in fact, the 4-Seed, falling behind Wisconsin, Ohio St. ... and Penn St.  And the Nittany Lions just got one of their players listed as a finalist for the Patty Kazmaier Trophy.  So they slipped to fourth-best, and they host 5-Seed Northeastern Saturday afternoon.  Honestly, with the way things are going now, I'm predicting an upset Loss on home ice, and it'll serve this listless team of perpetual bridesmaids right.

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher men's hockey and Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -3 and -4, respectively).  So two programs expected to have down, rebuilding Years wind up doing exactly that, being dispatched early in their respective B1G Tournaments, extinguishing any flicker of hope they could make a miracle run and capture an automatic bid by winning the whole thing before such a possibility could be even remotely entertained.

I'll begin with the b-ballers, who should not have been expected to go anywhere because they're under their first season under Niko Medved.  Sure, they went out in the B1G losing to lower-seeded Rutgers in their first Game of the tourney by five last/Wednesday night.  But again, you've got to throw out a Head Coach's first Year.  Also, there were some highlights, such as their last-second bucket to defeat Northwestern at The Barn in Saturday's regular season finale, or beating then-tenth-ranked Michigan St. back on February 4.  The program needs to convince their best players to stay, then convince other players to join them.  That'll take NIL, a lot of money.  If they can do that (a big if), the squad should only get better.

The male icers don't have the luxury of breaking in a new HC.  After making an appearance in the NCAA Tournament last Year, these young Gophs were expected to take their lumps and learn.  And they did, splitting the last regular season series of the season at home versus Michigan St. (they won the final Game, but that was in Shootout).  But they were next-to-last in-conference, and under their new format, they played, and lost, their sole Quarterfinal Game last/Wednesday night at Penn St., a 6-2 last laugh in a season unfortunately full of jokes on the U.  This club really needs to straighten out their NIL situation, then get wise to how the pipeline to Canadian junior teams works.  Otherwise, Minnesota will be out in the cold of this brave new world of top-flight men's college hockey.  Fingers crossed, but who knows if Minnesota can get their ducks in a row?  Does this put Bob Motzko on the hot seat?

Which Birthday Time Treat Should I Get?

I am noticing more and more that the happy things (as opposed to the sad things) that occupy my mind right now are looking forward to what I want to eat once I get out of work.  Maybe most people think that way.

Anyhoo, I was thinking yesterday/Tuesday if I want to eat after attending the Golden Gopher baseball Game at U. S. Bank Stadium.  It would depend on how snowy it would be; if it was manageable, I would go through the drive-thru (the Game, and the Gophers beat Gonzaga, went three hours, so there was no way I would be able to sit down at a restaurant) and suffer the sleet that came in through the open car window to order.  And it was manageable, so I did.

But which place?  I had in my mind getting this Mountain Dew Baja Blast Freeze whatever thingy from Taco Bell, which deposited it in my app because it's going to be my birthday soon.  I don't know if I will like it, and I hate Mountain Dew.  But it's free, so I'll get it.  And I thought I would get it last/Tuesday night.  But out of the blue I then remembered that this is also Shamrock Shake time, and those are tasty as hell.  I also think, although I'm not sure, that McDonald's (or at least the ones around here) pull them and the Oreo Shamrock McFlurry quickly, like the moment St. Patrick's Day is done.  That sucks, and I want to have them as much as possible.  So, assuming I'm right, I have only a week to enjoy them.  And that's what I was suddenly thinking when I pivoted from Taco Bell to McDonald's.

I got a regular Oreo Shamrock McFlurry as dessert for the Filet-O-Fish I used my points for.  I'm paying for it with my bowels -- darn lactose intolerance -- but I'm glad I remembered to get that green McFlurry at least once this year.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

It's July 2025 All Over Again

So last week I was at My Favorite Coffeeshop doing, among a couple other things, going through my receipts.  Serves me right to get them all in order but not bring my day planner so I could write the amounts down.  Anyway, I have this leather pouch from culture and lifestyle magazine Monocle, which I bought when I went to Hong Kong, that I purchased just so I can shove all my receipts in it.  I haven't done a good job of cleaning it out, though, because as I was doing some digging, I saw a few receipts that were in there should have been accounted for.  They were from July 12 of last year.

In my day planner, I write down all the things I paid cash for, then see whether I spent more money than I got from the bank or not, and by how much.  To be honest, and this may not make sense, in all but, oh, three months since I started this way back in my twenties, I have finished a month taking out more money from my account than spending it.  Anyway, at the end of every month, I make a table and write all my cash transactions (what I spent and what I took out of an ATM) down.  For the month of July, I now had to re-do that table.  Moreover, I am rewriting it for a third time; it turns out there were some receipts from July 12 of last year I found, presumably in that pouch, after I did this month-end table the first time.

It's all done.  Wait -- I can't say that with any conviction.  There could be other receipts.

Help Me, Bill Shatner, I'm Not Regular!

At the college baseball Games yesterday/Saturday, I had coffee before the first Game, had a cheeseburger, fries and a beer between the first and second (aside: They screwed up my order ... I ordered a cheeseburger, I overheard someone order just a hamburger [even though a hamburger isn't on the menu and I don't ever ask for modifications from ordering food at a Game], someone was about to give me a cheeseburger but then yanked it back to swap it with a hamburger ... when I told the workers I wanted cheese, someone in the back just threw a cold slice of cheddar on top of the burger ... I saw the cheeseburger they were about to give me; that cheese was melted ... lazy bums), and a hot dog and a souvenir Wild Cherry Pepsi between the second and third.  And then, once the Games were done, I stopped by Taco Bell.

You know what this should mean, right?  Colon blow, stuff like that.  Nope.  I am not regular.  It's bothering me to no end.  Maybe the spaghetti I'm about to make will do the trick, but the trick should already have been done.

Now, about relieving yourself: Have you seen that cereal commercial with William Shatner?  The one where he calls himself "Will Shat?"  I believe this ad, which aired in the Super Bowl, is a sign of the end times:

I blame Trump.  But sheepishly I admit that I really, really want to try this to regulate my gut.  It's for Kellogg's Raisin Bran, by the way.  I rarely remember what memorable commercials advertise for.