Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: May 2026

Ten women this month, I've noticed, and I think I just realized that ten is the fewest number of waitresses I've seen in a month in a Hooter calendar.  Just a thought.

Not a bad month.  But I can only point out three because half of the ten have that stupid t-shirt-over-bikini-top thing I railed against last month.  I have to admit, though, I have made one exception.

I will point out three women.

In third place is Micayla, hailing out of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.  Long black hair that falls below her breasts, she's wearing a pink two-piece.  I note her because she is posing as if she is either climbing out of or into a pool.  And by grabbing the bars on the side of the ladder, she is one of the few servers in this month posing straight at the camera (well, she's a tad off to her right, but I'll count it).  She's got a great body, and in this picture, she's showing it off.

In second place is Atlanta's Gwyn.  She is wearing a t-shirt over a bikini top.  I am making an exception for her for three reasons: 1) She's standing straight at us; 2) she's wearing a straw cowboy hat, and I'm a sucker for a hot chick acting like she's a cowgirl; and 3) she's also wearing jean shorts with a bikini bottom which, like her bikini top, is orange (and BTW, the crop top she's wearing is Hooters-themed.)  I know she's wearing an orange bikini bottom because she's got her jean shorts unzipped and open all the way, revealing said bikini bottom underneath.  That makes it look as if she's undressing, which is only emphasized by my realization that bikini bottoms are really small these days, and that if she weren't grooming down there, we'd be seeing her pussy hair sprout right out of her bottoms.  Yowza!

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Jada, from Destin, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that cascades down to her waist, she is sporting a light pink two-piece bikini.  She is posing to her side toward us -- she's posing inbetween what looks to be curtains -- and it's also not great her right arm is obscuring her stomach.  But she is a stunner -- porcelain skin and light green eyes.  Also, even though we can't see it, I'd bet that she's wearing a bikini bottom that's showing her ass.

So congratulations to Jada and the other two Hooters girls for May 2026.  I will be touching myself to all of you in due time.

Well, I'm still drinking way too much alcohol; drank a Bloody Mary for the second consecutive day.  But hey, at least ****e finally got back to me this morning.  It would've been too late anyway, but she said next weekend would be better.  And then she sexted me a picture of herself in a dress with convenient holes, shall we say.

So, next weekend is it.  But I have this nagging feeling she'll change her mind, damn it.

They Stay The Same Age. But Me Getting Older Might Be A Problem After All

So after work last/Saturday night I went to this roast beef place just south of my company.  I was on my way to the Black Hart to see MNUFC play (and lose -- goddamn, what a fucking shit pass to give up the Game-winner).  I really, really wanted to see The Preakness Stakes, but because I decided to stay a bit over to grab even more overtime, I thought I resigned myself that I probably wouldn't make it to the Black Hart to see the race, especially since I had my heart set on getting this place's legendarily good roast beef after work last/Saturday night because it will be the only time in the foreseeable future 1) it would be on my way to doing other things and 2) I would naturally be hungry right after work.

I get there and the cashier taking my order is a beaut.  Fuck yeah, she is gorgeous.  But young.  I think, and hope, not teenager young, but she could not have graduated from college.  Seeing a hot young woman speaking to you, even only because she has to, brightens my day, so I order a roast beef sandwich cheerfully.  And what do you know -- this restaurant actually has a TV.  (I've been to this place before, but it's been years since the last time, so maybe they didn't have a TV then.)  I could relax and let go of my stress because I could see the horse race after all (well, the reception was poor, but at least I saw Napoleon Solo outrace the other horses at the stretch run without the feed cutting out).  I had an excuse to talk to this babe again; this time, I requested the TV be turned on to the Preakness, and because I had a reason to stay beyond eating my sandwich, I ordered french fries too, which I had planned to order until I decided to stay late at work and calculated that even though I couldn't catch the race in time, I should still make an effort to get to the Black Hart as quickly as possible ... which makes no sense now that I typed out that thought.

Anyway ... have no complaints with her service.  In fact, when I ordered fries, she just skipped past the tip screen, which I guess means she likes me ... ?  But it's not as if I could chat her up or anything.  She served me my roast beef and fries, and that was it when it came to interaction.

Still, she is fucking hot.  And as I finally left after eating and watching the race, it just so happened that three young women entered and immediately began speaking to that cashier.  They obviously are friends with the cashier from school who dropped by to chat or eat or both.  They were fucking hot, and unlike the cashier, who had to dress for work, these friends dressed for the hot weather we had and, well, dressed like young women, with their goddamn boner-inducing midriffs hanging out and shit.  If I didn't have to go -- and if I were younger and less savvy -- I would sit down and steal looks at these three babes.

And then I realized that it was most important for me at that time to go because I had plans.  I can say that my younger self would've dropped everything I would've done because ogling these chicks would be an urge I could not get over.  And beyond that, the age gap was so apparent as to be instinctive.  Even if I could assume these women were of college age, they still would be less than half my age.  Could I even think to have small talk with them?  What would we even talk about?  TikTok?  The new Olivia Rodrigo album?  What they're studying?  Finally, from the quick glance I took of the faces and bodies of these three hotties (do people say "hotties" anymore, or am I cringe saying that?) I think ... well, that they all look the same -- with each other, and with the cashier they said hi to.  Maybe if I sat and looked at them for a longer, creepier period of time, I can discern distinct differences.  I mean, they can't be quadruplets.  But am I wrong to think that all young women these days look alike?  I don't think I can say yes, but I'm going to stick to my guns and not say no.

Not going to lie; if I were a lot younger, I would be masturbating to the memory of these four babes.  That feels ... wrong now.  So maybe Matthew McConaughey was also wrong in Dazed And Confused -- even though what his character is saying would now be construed as Trump Disease:

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2026

I've gotta admit that my enthusiasm for doing these monthly reviews has completely subsided now that the local Hooters has closed.  It's not as if the women I'm reviewing and jerking off to were working at MOA, but I had this ... well, irrational and vicarious feeling that they could.  Now that the closest Hooters is in, I think, Iowa, the servers in this calendar are just pictures to me.  There was literally no chance that I would meet any of these hot babes in person before, but now that there is no Hooters at the Megamall anymore, there is absolutely no chance.

But soldier on I will till the end of 2026.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a trend that I don't like: The crop top.  I like crop tops so long as the Hooters waitress wearing it isn't wearing anything underneath.  This isn't porn, however, so of the five Hooters girls who are wearing bare-belly shirts, four of them obviously  are wearing bikini tops underneath, and I'll just go ahead and assume that the fifth is wearing one, too.  That is way too much clothing for my liking.

There are a dozen servers for this month, and I can point out four of them.

In fourth place is Maddie, out of Loveland, Colo.  Dark blonde wavy hair, she is sporting a two-piece yellow bikini.  She's got a nice figure, but the things that place her on this list are her smile and the fact that she's wearing a cowboy hat with the Hooters logo.  Yep, that's enough for me.

In third place is Alyssa, from Newark, Del.  Long black hair, she's wearing a two-piece that is light purple/lavender in the important spots and are connecting with lime green string.  She's smirking.  With her left hand she's tugging down at at the middle of her bikini top.  And with her right hand she's placing/fake-tugging the knot that's holding up her bikini bottom.  It's all intimation, but yep, that's also enough for me.

In second place is Taylor, hailing out of O'Hare, Ill.  (Not O'Hare Airport, but the city of O'Hare, which I didn't know until now is a city in Illinois.)  The brunette is wearing a patterned two-piece bikini.  While she's tugging at the middle of her top, she's pursing her lips, and honestly, what I like about her is that she gives off a tomboy vibe.  She certainly doesn't look like a Hooters girl.  That makes her more real, and more approachable.

Finally, in first place is Anna.  The server with very long black hair (it goes all the way down to her hips, in fact) and deep and glistening black skin is sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's first because she is one of the few women from the now-dead Hooters at The Mall Of America I've seen in these calendars.  And, I was lucky enough for her to sign this calendar, right on her own picture.

Now that I've written my thoughts down, I realize that I spotlight all four because of technicalities.  Sadly, that is the nature of a very blah month that is further weighed down because most of the women are wearing too much clothing.  But don't worry -- I have already pleasured myself to this month.  Congratulations to Anna and the rest, and I hope Anna has found new and gainful employment.

Please Fuck Me For My Sweetness

So I was invited to a stripper party that was going on yesterday/Saturday.  I would go for only one reason: ****e, with whom I had a couple of wild times in the privacy of a room.  I asked about a month ago if she would be there; if she were, then I would, too.  But she has been ailing -- something with her hand last month, then, when I texted her again yesterday/Saturday morning, something about her hip.  She wasn't going, so I pivoted to doing some Record Store Day stuff instead.

I ask her if she needs anything.  It's not like we're close or anything, but, frankly, she's sucked my dick, so I want to help her if she's in need.  She said she didn't, but she said, "Aw, you're such a sweet guy!"  And I want to be sweet.  And I genuinely want to know if I can help her.  But, and I just noticed this myself, a couple times in the past after a stripper girlfriend has told me I'm sweet for offering to do something, I've gotten some action.  So, um, yes, I am kind of hoping that when ****e, or any stripper, says that, I'm getting sumpin'-sumpin' the next time we meet.  I hope that's an indication that if you're nice to a woman, that woman is willing to do nice, or naughty, things to you.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: March 2026

I have to admit that since the last Hooters in the state closed a few weeks ago, I haven't looked forward to reviewing the Hooters calendar as much.  It seems kind of pointless to point out which Hooters babes are the hottest when I can't see the real thing at the Mall Of America.  But I am duty-bound by my OCD to do this until the end of the year.  And you know, it's gonna be a bit funny to not do these breastaurant calendar reviews after this year ... unless Twin Peaks moves into the Hooters space, like I'm guessing it could.

Anyway, I have looked at all baker's dozen waitresses, and I'm very, very aroused by this month.  And I'm not saying that just because March is my birthday month.  OK, maybe I am a bit.  As you could probably imagine, because it's the month of St. Patrick's Day, many of the girls here are dressed in green, which happens to be my favorite color (probably because March is my birthday month, also granted).  But with all those caveats, I will list eight Hooters servers who caught my eye.

In eighth place is Erica, hailing out of St. Peters, Mo.  Long blonde hair, in a two-piece green bikini (you know, just to save myself some time and finger strokes, assume the Hooters woman is wearing a two-piece green bikini unless I describe what she's wearing).  Nothing else striking about her, but she's directly facing the camera.  Also, since she works in the St. Louis area, I want to think I would be able to have her sign my calendar if I went down there on vacation -- "if" being the operative word since I don't plan on going anywhere big or far on vacation until this current administration is deposed.

In seventh place is Haley, from Hialeah, Fla.  Long, dark brown (maybe black) hair.  She seems to be sitting between two walls made out of logs.  She's also posed three-quarters to the camera, which deprives us of her whole body.  But she's pulling up the sides of her bikini bottom, plus I just noticed that she has (or seems to have) thick hips.  Don't see that every day on a Hooters girl.

In sixth place is Mia, of Weston, Fla.  Curling, dirty blonde hair reaches down to her small tits.  She's also doing the bottom tug thing.  (Come to think of it, most of the waitresses here are doing that.)  Like I said, she's got a petite body.  She looks 18.  But that youth and innocence -- assuming she's of age! -- is really cute to see serving you wings.

In fifth place is Mia, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Think Zendaya.  With curly dark (probably black, possibly brown) hair, she is not wearing a green bikini.  Instead, she's wearing a light blue/periwinkle two-piece.  She's facing almost directly at the cam.  She's got that vertical slit on her stomach, a sign of a slim, lithe body.  Also, she's tugging a bit on the right side of her bottom down.  Forty years ago, that would mean a glimpse of her pussy hair.

In fourth place is Cass, from Buford, Ga.  Light blonde hair that cascades halfway down her body.  Don't know why in the hell she's holding a life preserver.  But she is sporting a red, one-piece, old-school bikini, and it's slit so low down to her stomach that you get a good shot of her left sideboob.  And with her hair thrown over her right shoulder, she looks absolutely gorgeous.

In third place is Karli, out of North Charleston, S C.  Long, jet black hair.  She's directly facing the camera.  She's not so much tugging her bikini bottom so much as pinching the right side of it with her fingers.  She's wearing a belly chain, ooh-la-la.  And you can tell that her tits are fake, but frankly, those bolt-ons look so good on her, I don't care!

Before I proceed with the top two, I want to remind you again that March is the month of St. Patrick's Day.  St. Patrick obviously is from Ireland, and Ireland is known for its redheads.  Thus, you would figure that Hooters would put redheaded Hooters girls in the calendar for March.  And I am a sucker, if not a whore, for redheads, so the two gingers in March '26 complete this list.  Ironically, though, neither of them are wearing anything green, even though that would make sense for the month.  That green and red would also provide, in my humble opinion, a sexy contrast (or would they be complementary to each other?) that has powered many of my sexual fantasies.

In second place, also hailing out of Mesa, Ariz., is Brittany.  She is knee-deep in a pool.  She mostly has her left side flashing toward the camera, which isn't great, but I see a tiny shot of her bikini bottom, and it's cut enough that I think I would see at least half of her ass.  She too throws her long hair over her right shoulder, and that combination, plus her slight grin, makes for an unstoppable picture.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Emma, from ... oh, what a coinky-dink, she's from Mesa, Ariz., too!!!  She is wearing a black, cut-through Hooters tank top and black Hooters bikini bottoms, the left side of which she is grabbing.  Most of her right side is facing the photographer, but that means you can see her left sideboob.  You can also tell she is wearing a (presumably Hooters-themed) bikini top, which is a bummer because I would rather not see anything underneath her tank top.  But she is arching her back to emphasize her hot torso.  She looks sexy posing with pursed lips.  And she has thrown her long hair over her left shoulder.  This photograph is just fucking sex personified, not gonna lie.

So congratulations to Emma, and the other seven hot women comprising an excellent March 2026.  And don't worry -- I already jerked off to y'all!!!

Have I Still Got My Libido At 50?

So after our volunteering event we hung out at a nearby restaurant to watch our alma mater play in the tournament.  And swear to God, there were so many hot women there with bazoombas underneath tight shirts (with bras, boo) that you know were so big they would go "Blammo!" as soon as they were unleashed.  And it probably was the one-off 75-80-degree weather that day that encouraged these hotties to look their hottest.  Damn!

I think I touched myself three out of the last four days.  Probably the aftereffects of feeling hot and horny for the first time on Saturday.  But it also might be me trying to hang onto my youth by convincing myself I could still get it up and unleash my splooge by jerking off as much as I could.  That might also be the reason I am going to try and see ****e this weekend ... or, it might be that I really, truly want to fuck her.

Oh, and there was the hot young thing (but old enough to be legal, trust me!) at Culver's, where I decided to spend money yesterday/Wednesday when I planned on not spending money yesterday/Wednesday, thinking that it's probably the best way to spread out all the free food birthday offers that are about to expire.  Glad I changed my mind, because this blonde was well built, had a huge chest, and wore a tight wifebeater that still showed off her gorgeous belly.  I think I got hard.

Yep, I think I still have a libido at age 50!!!

NO, NOT HOOTERS!!!

Heard it on Common while working yesterday/Thursday afternoon: Hooters and The Mall Of America is closing for good.  Last day's next Sunday, the 22nd.  Goddammit.

First things first: I have kind of an obsession with stores that have been at the Megamall from the start.  (The store can't move from its original footprint.  Also, it can be renovated, but it might not count in my eyes if it, say, closed down in order to make those renovations.  Length of time is important in this case.)  Hooters was one of them.  With it being gone, what's left?  Macy's?  Nordstrom?  Cinnabon on the 1st floor?  That alpaca place that somehow stays in business?

But I am sad about what I think of as an institution closing down.  That breastaurant made me a man.  I'm joking.  Well, only half-joking.  Well, that half-joking part is perverted as hell, because going there was the first time in my life I felt good about being proud of looking at gorgeous women dressed daringly (or at least how I thought daring was at the time).  I think the first time I went to Hooters I went with my high school buddies.  My friend noticed that our (hot) waitress was stuffing a pack of cigarettes in her fanny pack, and I thought that was the hottest goddamn thing ever.

Hooters MOA overcame a flurry of sexual harassment lawsuits early in its tenure to just be the place teenage boys go to begin to get in touch with their heterosexual desires, and for parents to bring their boys to prevent them from becoming gay.  I went from time to time to ogle, of course, but there are a few servers there that I'm familiar with.  No way are we friends or anything, but I think that we are acquainted enough that whenever we see each other, we smile, and that's great.  My "relationship" with Hooters was cemented over the past several years once I decided to buy the Hooters calendar every year and, if possible, get it autographed.  It was nice to have the sexiest Hooters girls sign.  I even took the calendar to other parts of the country if I were vacationing so I could have other Hooters girls in other branches sign it.  And, of course, I came back ... well, not because of the food per se, but for the coupons that came with the calendar.  If I spend $15 when I visit this month, I get a free dessert.

I planned on going Thursday to get that free dessert, and to watch the actual start of March Madness, but now I must go.  And I probably will go that Sunday too, its final day.  Thirty-three years, man, a third of a century, and they said it wasn't making enough money.  I will miss the fuck out of that place.

You know, come to think of it ... I know the perfect place to replace Hooters -- Twin Peaks.  Same concept, they're growing (the company, not my dick), and even though the closest stores are in Fargo and Omaha, it might be time to bring one to the Twin Cities.  And who knows, maybe those Twin Peaks girls will do things beyond my wildest dreams.  No, probably not.  But a lonely hetero perv can dream, and Hooters allowed me to do that.  RIP, Hooters Megamall.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

So ****e cancelled on me today.  Said she has a bad cold.  I believe her.  This is the first time she texted me in advance to say that she can't do it.  There was that weird day where I came over and a man was there telling me she couldn't have company.  And there was another time where I let myself in, stayed for half an hour, thought she wasn't there, left, and then got a call from her, while she was home, saying she just had overslept.  (I had plans that day, so I figured I would just start them early instead of going back to her place.)

What can I do?  She's sweet, I like her, and she is the only person I know who will, uh, let me love her like I want to.  I just don't know the next time I'll be able to see her.  Hopefully soon.

In the meantime, I'm still, unfortunately, horny.  I have thought about asking one of my stripper girlfriends to come over.  But nah; instead, I'll eat or do laundry, and then I will exercise in the evening.  I'll keep it holstered for another time.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: January 2026

Almost the first full month where I have the Hooters calendar back up on my wall so I can see it every day.  So I think I can say with some authority that ... this may be one of the worst months I have ever seen.  Again, I'm not saying that all the servers for this month or ghastly to look at.  But I can only pick out two of the dozen women here for special recognition, and frankly, the babe in second I am pointing out based on a guess.  The other pictures don't do anything for me, sorry to say.

The waitress in second place is Madison, from Weston, Fla.  Wavy dark blonde hair that ends at the bottom of her chest.  Her attire makes her look like a company girl.  She has orange bikini bottoms and is wearing a black Hooters crop top. It's the kind I used to see on Hooters women way back in the day, where it cuts off high on the waist so it shows off the Hooters girl's midriff.  That would be sexy as fuck to see in the restaurant, but for swimwear it looks a bit overdressed.  I am taking it on faith, however, that she is not wearing anything underneath the crop, which kind of makes up for size of the top.

And in first place is Emily, of Hampton, Va.  Wavyer dark blonde hair that reaches belly height, she is wearing a black-and-yellow two-piece.  Posing almost fully at the camera, she places her left hand against a stood-up surfboard while her right hand pulls up on her bikini bottom.  She's got a nice body, and I love her wide smile.  She's fucking gorgeous.

And, that's it.  So congratulations to Emily for winning.  And no worries -- I have already masturbated to these two!

Bored Me Napping, Then Shopping For Big-Ticket Items

Braced myself for another long day at work yesterday/Friday ... but it wasn't; it was actually tame, and very tame compared to Thursday ... and yet I have to brace myself for today/Saturday, because my bosses said that today/Saturday could bring in a bunch of work which I don't understand why it couldn't have come yesterday/Friday, and so I'm coming in to work as soon as I wake up.

So my plan of staying in today/Saturday has blown up, but hey, I am getting beaucoup overtime this week, so I'm not too upset.  Still, I wondered what I would do once I got home (on-time, which I did not expect) yesterday/Friday.  I thought I would be awake enough to start on the leftover pizza that I had decided I would eat, but the setting sun convinced me to take a nap first.  If I wasn't tired, I'd pop up early, and work on the pizza before the sports Games I wanted to watch would start at 7.

I crawled into bed before 6.  I woke up a couple minutes past 9.  Didn't expect to do that.  I thought I didn't have time to eat pizza and should pivot to spaghetti, which I planned to eat today/Saturday, but I am getting Pizza Hut to watch for the Super Bowl, so I went through with the pizza.

Yeah, nothing exciting.  So, in my bored state, I was reading up on the latest on how these assholes continue to plague and besiege our state.  One person believes that the announcement earlier this week that they're withdrawing troops was just a way to get people in the state and the national news media off their backs.  Then, the next step is for the remaining pricks to go hard not necessarily after non-Whites but observers that have made their loud objections to what is going on here a state-wide issue.  Intriguing, and I can see that that works, and is working now.

And then I clicked on a link recommending the best gas masks to buy.  If I have to physically commit to this struggle, I'll probably get tear-gassed, so I might as well prepare, right?  I looked through not one but two websites dedicated to the best gas masks, and me being a thoroughly-researching consumer, I think I settled upon one.  And, to make things even more tantalizing, the gas mask is on sale.  (I'm not going to link the websites that reviewed the masks or the company that sells the one that appears to be the top-rated one, just in case they're snooping around here.)  I think maybe I'm sounding too paranoid, but dammit, the thing's on sale.  I'll wait till tomorrow/Sunday; if I remember, and if it's still on sale then, I think I'll buy one.

What I did pull the trigger on is a new robe.  After seeing the two website review gas masks, I went to the website that does nothing but review consumer products (to think gas masks are a consumer product -- what a world we live in), The Wirecutter.  And bored me went down another rabbit hole, to their review of robes.  Now, I have thought about buying a robe for the past, oh, few years.  On the one hand I didn't think I needed one; either I would wrap myself in a towel and just hang out on my bed in the nude, or, if I'm alone in the house, I'd just waltz around naked.  But there is a limbo state where you are not totally dry but still want to putz around in the house without your man bits hanging out -- well, unless you want to open up your robe to thrust out your dick.  I'd reserve that occasion when I want to surprise one of my stripper girlfriends.

Anyway, the main obstacle to buying a robe, believe it or not, is price.  The ones The Wirecutter recommends are routinely in the triple digits.  One hundred dollars for a damn robe?!  I may have seen one for $90, but even that's expensive.  However, when I am bored, I am weak.  And thus I was ripe for the picking when I saw one of the recommended robes being sold for about 30% off if I use a promo code tied in with the website.  At $65 ... well, it's still expensive, but it'll be as cheap as these robes will ever get.  Also, I didn't plan on spending any money tonight, but the company said I could pay through PayPal, and my stupid brain has convinced myself into thinking that is not real money, so I bought it under the illusion that I haven't really paid anything today.

So I threw my sleep pattern off last night, I bought a robe, and tomorrow/Sunday I think I'll be buying a gas mask.  This is what bored me does.  Now, off to bed.

Expenses Without Receipts

Starting from Saturday, January 17:

• We go back to Wednesday, January 14, when I summoned up the courage and went down to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Division) to see my ATF, whom I hadn't seen in a while because my parents were in town.  Cover, tips, drinks for her and for me and 19 table dances that I rounded up to 20 to make the money exchange easier and I spent: $233.
• On Saturday the 10th I took my friend, who was in town for work, to my favorite speakeasy.  I feel like I need to impress people when I take them there, but I hope they like it.  I think my friend did.  There was a jazz band there and I wanted to tip them even though I mainly wanted to speak with my friend.  I tipped the band: $5.
• Tuesday, January 6 ... after I took my parents to the airport, I went over to ****e's place and fucked her.  She didn't go after my cock a second time in the living room like she did the time before.  But she seemed really enthusiastic when I finally got inside her.  Well, first I really ate her meat curtains, which looked really, really full.  Then, while I was plunging into her, she sounded really, really enthusiastic, like she really needed to be nailed.  I tried arcing her back (she was on the bed and I was doing her missionary style) and lifting her up and into me.  It probably wasn't smooth, but she acted like she loved it, and therefore I loved it.  Cost: $120.
• So now we go back to 2025, specifically Tuesday, December 23, when my parents paid me back for grabbing both Kentucky Fried Chicken and lottery tickets.  Mother gave me ten bucks when I came home that night with KFC, and either Mother or Father left a pair of $20's for me when I came back from shopping.  All told, this was an Infusion of: $50.
• Oh, and before I shopped I went downtown to make sure our watering hole was cool with us watching our Game down there.  With tip, I spent for a little snack and drink there: $10.
• To Sunday the 21st ... Father paid me back for more Powerball tickets I got for him.  And Infusion of: $11.
• And early that afternoon I went to my downtown watering hole (the same place I'd be going to on Tuesday) because I wanted to finally put in for new glasses with my new prescription, and I wanted to see the Vikings Game at a place besides my bedroom, and Warby Parker was just around the corner.  I was going to go to Warby Parker first, but I thought they would open at 11, and they opened at noon, which is when the Vikings Game kicked off, so I went to watch and eat first before ordering my new eyeglasses.  Anyway, with tip I spent at the bar: $38.
• To Friday, December 19 -- went to order in-person at Caribou a small ho ho mint mocha.  With tip it came out to an expensive: $7.38.
• Tuesday the 16th I had off because that's when I brought my car in for service.  Once it got a clean bill of health and routine maintenance was the only thing(s) it needed, I went to get it washed for all the snow, salt and gunk that had accumulated.  Charged the wash so the cash is for the tip only: $5.
• With my car being as brand new as it could be, I had the confidence (as well as the time; if there was something major that needed to be replaced, I would have had to spend my day at the shop) to call up *****y and say if I and my penis could make a house call.  She had moved to her new place close to the border, but my car could make it the morning after getting new oil and its tires rotated.  The apartment she shares with her son feels more like a cottage.  No matter; unlike the townhome she used to live in, where we had to hide in her bedroom, she wanked me on the couch in the living room, right where the front door is.  If the blinds weren't closed, someone would have been able to see *****y pull up her sweater to show her big tits inside her bra, me getting hard from seeing that, me slipping out of my jeans and her jacking me off.  I don't know if I would drive all the way to see her again, but maybe!  Total: $150.
• Later, when I came back home for dinner with Kentucky Fried Chicken in tow, Father paid me back for the chicken and for Powerball tickets.  An Infusion of: $31.

This list was getting long in the tooth, but I did this EWR faster than the past couple ones.  Good through January 17.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: December 2025

Pretty good.  Maybe even great, now that I think about it.  Out of the dozen waitresses for this month, I will single out five of them for notable beauty, and I'm not reaching or being charitable about that number.

In fifth place is Natalia, hailing from Doral, Fla.  Straight black hair, wearing a very light pink two-piece.  She is posing with her right side to the camera and is sticking her ass up against ... something.  It's the ass that qualifies her for this list: Even though we could only see it from the side, from the little top of the bikini bottom I can see, I can confidently conclude that she is wearing a bikini bottom that exposes a lot of her (what I presume to be) nice ass.  Can I see it?  No.  But I think she's wearing something risque, so I am putting her here in fifth.  For a Hooters woman really showing ass, read all the way to the bottom.

In fourth place is The Main Girl, Sara, out of Daytona Beach, Fla.  Blonde hair parted in the middle, falling just below her breasts.  She is leaning up against ... uh, wood of some kind, and she throws her left arm above her head.  At three-quarters angle she sports a nice body.  Her smile and face are also nice.  What I like best is her two-piece bikini, a lively and very detailed one, with chains and jewelry festooning both its top and bottom.  Haven't seen a bikini quite like that in the calendar ever.

In third place is Selena, from Pembroke Pines, Fla.  Not a fan of her holding her left arm in front of her because it obscures her stomach.  Otherwise, there are a couple unique things I really like about this babe.  For one, you don't see Hooters girls with curly hair, like you see from this brunette.  For two, while the top of her white (or is it very faint pink?) two-piece is a banded one so you don't see cleavage or a whole lot of her tits, both the top and bottoms are decorated with balls attached by short pieces of string.  This is another bikini the likes of which I haven't seen before in this calendar.  And oh yeah -- her smile beams!

In second place is Mckenzie, hailing from Weston, Fla.  Dark brown hair that lands on her shoulders, she is wearing a hot pink two-piece bikini where the top looks like a vest.  It is pressed so tightly against her boobs that it's created cleavage deeper than the Little Colorado River Gorge.  Add that she's looking like she's pulling down on the almost-completely-open zipper holding the vest top together, this is a winning look.  And oh yeah -- her smile is also radiant!

Finally, in first place is Orlando's Alyssa.  Deep brown hair that gets down to the middle of her back, she is sporting a solid red two-piece.  She seems to be posed like she's manning the wheel of a speedboat.  Not a fan of her posing with her right side towards us.  In fact, if you want to get technical, she is posing a bit away from the camera.  However, that pose gives us a good peek at her bikini bottom, and you can clearly see that bottom is cut to show off 75-80% her soft ass.

So, congratulations to Alyssa and all the other fine honeys for December 2025.  This was a really good end to the calendar.  And oh yeah -- I jerked off to these lovely ladies tonight just before I did this!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: November 2025

Gosh, I am so, so late to do this one.  I just wanted to wait till my parents were out of the house, but maybe I should've done this in December anyway.

Maybe I could've used more time looking at this month on my wall, but of the dozen servers for this month, I will single out only three of them in what is a below-average month.

In third place is The Main Girl, Chicago's Alyssa.  Dark brown hair that ends at the bottom of her breasts, I like best her light pink two-piece bikini, which looks as though it's been knitted.  Her Mona Lisa smile and figure (she's just standing and completely facing the camera) are pretty good, too.

In second place is Riley, from Sarasota, Fla.  She also has dark brown hair, though it ends just a tad above the bottom of her boobs.  She is posing at an angle, but she's also tugging up the bottoms of her hot pink two-piece, which I like, as if, if I get to look real close, I can see her pussy.  I really like her slight grin as well.

Finally, in first place is Gracie, out of Brandon, Fla.  Also dark brown hair, but hers stops below the shoulders.  Standing straight at the camera, she fits her left thumb through the ring that connects the bottoms to the tops of what becomes a black one-piece bikini.  The top is more like an athletic top, not like what you expect from a traditional bikini top, so don't get to see too much titty or cleavage.  But the open hole of her bikini exposes her slim tummy, and that's nice.  Also, she shifts her body weight to her right leg, so that "S" bend gives her figure a sexy shape.  Finally, she gives a devastating Mona Lisa smile.

So, congratulations to Gracie and to the others whom I've talked about.  If I am still a free man and get home tonight/Friday night, I might have time to touch myself to all of you!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: October 2025

It's almost the end of November and I haven't had time to research October.  But, even with a quick glance, I find this month to be quite underwhelming.  I might call it The Worst Month In Hooters Calendar History, but that wouldn't be fair because if this is not the first time I perused the month, I don't remember it.

There are only ten girls this month, and I will single out four of them.  The top two are on top based on a technicality I should revisit.  Without further ado:

In fourth place is Anna, out of Grand Prairie, Tex.  Pure blonde whose hair reaches down to her belly button, she is sporting a deep blue two-piece bikini.  Her top hides her small boobs, but I love her posing with her left wrist on top of her head while she is leaning against a wall.  Her bikini bottom is tied up with what looks like 70 feet of string, what with how it's tying up her bikini bottom.  But that hair, man, that hair ...

In third place is Anastasia, hailing from North Arlington, Tex.  She is wearing a pink/salmon one-piece that is cut out on one side, if that makes any sense.  But she has very light and wavy red hair, and I am a sucker for redheads.  Also, she has a beautiful face.

In second place is Fort Worth's Ruby.  She's wearing either a dark green or black (yeah, maybe I'm weird for not being able to distinguish between those two colors) two-piece bikini, and her wavy brown hair reaches her hips.  She's posed with her left side to the camera.  I don't see her ass, but I can see from the angle of her bikini bottom that she is showing ass while wearing that swimsuit -- not a whole lot, but technically, that's nudity, and so I am ranking her above all others (except one).  I am not seeing her ass, though, I'm mostly projecting, so I might have to rethink or make more exceptions to my "ass = #1" rule.

And that rule applies to the Hooters server in first place, The Main Girl, Chyna, out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  The reason there are only two women this month is because her photo takes up the top half of the month.  She is lying on her front.  She is wearing a black two-piece dotted with white ... somethings or other.  She has piercing light brown eyes, though.  Also, she too looks as though she is exposing her ass from what little of her bikini bottom I can see by the way she is posed.  Moreover, I can say with confidence that she is more ass, and that is why she gets the top spot.

Like I said, I might have to revise my rule so that I need to see a Hooters woman's ass in the picture before I elevate her above everyone else.  Till then, congratulations to Chyna and to the other three women.  I ... might have the time to beat off to y'all, but if I do, it won't be any time soon.  Sorry!

I Love Being Desired

What I find hot is a woman just reaching into my open fly and yanking out my cock.  I love aggressive women.  And goddammit, I love being treated like a piece of meat, because that makes me feel desired sexually, and I ain't no sexual being.

That's what ****e did to me today.  I have never seen her feisty like this before.  But I helped her out with some issues regarding cellphones and her privacy settings, and so she, um, rewarded me with her nasty ways.  And her mouth.

Fuck yeah, I love that.  Emphasis on fuck!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2025

For this month, I don't know if a whole month of absorbing it while ensconced on a wall would change my evaluation that this is a below average month.  I think I can point out four of the baker's dozen that festoons Sep. '25.

In fourth place is a dual entry, the twins Holly and Amber out of Kissimmee, Fla.  I must've seen these twins in previous calendars.  Here, the women with light brown hair that impressively cascades down to their waists are wearing white wifebeater tops that have the Hooters logo and are cut off just below the tits, and thin purple bottoms.  They're beautiful, don't get me wrong, but the idea of twins posing in a swimsuit calendar gets them on the board.

In third place is Nikki, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Long, dark black hair, she is wearing a re-dish and yellow (think Starburst) one-piece bikini.  She has pale skin and is smiling only faintly, but she is beautiful, and she stands out for not being your typical-looking Hooters waitress.  She can actually pass as punk or goth, to be honest.  And even though she is posing with her side facing us, she does give us a little side boob.

In second place is Amber, of Melbourne, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that reaches her breasts, she is sporting a deep blue two-piece bikini with an "X" on the top of the fabric covering both tits.  She's quarter-turned towards/away from the camera, but she has a tremendous body and a gorgeous face.  Just flat-out sexy.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Sophie from Madison, Wisc.  Straight-ish blonde hair that finishes just below breast level, she has a simple pink two-piece on.  She is thigh deep in a pool, and even though she is completely dry, she is standing straight at the camera, showing off her delectable bod.  It helps that this is the biggest photograph in the month; that only amplifies her sexiness.  And I've got to say that's impressive that The Main Girl is from the corn-fed climes of Wisconsin!

So congratulations to Sophie and the rest of the best from September 2025.  Do not worry; I have already mastrubated to all of you!

Fuck, They're Gonna Be Here Forever ...

First of all, I was wrong about what Mother has.  She doesn't have sciatica in her hip; she has a torn meniscus.  Ouch!  And second of all, the worst-case scenario is happening.  You don't magically go in, have knee surgery, and leave the same day like it's outpatient surgery.  In fact, I know that they need to be scheduled, and they need to be scheduled weeks in advance.

And goddammit, that's the case here.  My Mother is getting surgery Thanksgiving Week.  And as I feared, there is going to be a minimum of eight fucking weeks before she can fly out of here.  Moreover, there is an entire schedule of visits -- a couple before the surgery, many rehab and physical therapy sessions after it -- that have to be assembled around the surgery date.  I totally get that, but the fusillade of post-op sessions, not to mention the date of the surgery itself, means that ... goddammit, they're going to be here through January.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

Everything is ruined, man, everything.  This obviously means I won't get to hang out with my wang out during the holiday season.  Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's -- I'm going to have to holster my pee-pee, continue to hide my porn, and worry about how they fucking feel.  (I know that at some point I'll be bursting to go to a stripper party and get turned out by a stripper.  It's just so weird to do it while My Fucking Parents are in town.)  I can't make cocktails for myself for four months.  I won't have the mental space to figure out the storage situation, which is still up in the air, and since they probably will leave in late January, it doesn't give me much time to figure out a drastic plan if my current situation is no longer tenable.  I have a lease through the end of March, and I might have to haul shit out of a 5' x 5' stall, and that will take a lot of time.

And yeah, sure, what really matters is how My Mother feels.  I need to know her schedule because, shit, I have to help out when I can.  Problem is is that with work, I don't know how much I can be of help.  I don't think I can drive her to every single rehab visit she'll have.  And this is wintertime -- what happens if there is a huge snowstorm on a day she's supposed to go in for physical therapy?  Fuckin' A, I really didn't want her to do this here in Minnesota.  I mean, I think the health system here is much better than most other places, but she needs to walk around after getting her knee fixed, and she can't do it in the snowy and icy roads of a Minnesota winter.

Worse than that is my sister.  I honestly thought that she would be the one helping Mother rehab.  She's not doing anything now, so she has the time to assist her with her exercises and taking her to physical therapy.  But, and I need to talk to her about this, now that we have a surgery date, it looks as though she is making plans to leave.  Dammit, man, I hate that all of this planning might fall on me.  I'm too much of a dick to be of any use.  And knowing My Mother will be in pain means that she will become a huge pain-in-the-ass the first week or so after surgery, where I'm told the pain will be at its worst.  I will have to deal with a bitch for the next four goddamn months, yet I don't know how to handle a bitch who is in physical pain.

The only solace I have is that My Mother is on a waitlist.  If there is a cancellation, this surgery can be moved up.  And My Mother wants this surgery done, like, yesterday.  If by some miracle this can be done next week (and I wonder if that's even possible given that there are two pre-op visits; doesn't there have to be some time between these visits and the surgery?), we all would jump at the chance.  But it probably won't happen, which means I'm fucking stuck with these two reasons I want to kill myself.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: August 2025

Well, this is what I get when I have to stash calendars out of sight -- I feel ill-equipped to make judgements from women's photographs, especially if I probably only have seen them two, maybe three times.  But this is as good a time as any to make this list, so I am going to take the plunge.

Out of the dozen Hooters servers pictured for August '25, I will point out five of them.  Overall, I would say it's a bit below average, but I might sing a different tune if I had more time to look at the month.

In fifth place is Charlotte's Hope.  Long black hair, sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's standing against the side of a house, we only see her side, and she's holding the straps of her bikini top in a distracting way.  But posing in profile emphasizes her big breasts.  Also, bikini tops are hanging on hooks right next to her on the side of the house, making one think that she might change bikinis right in front of you -- right?!

In fourth place is Cloe, of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.  Long, wavy brown hair that stretches below her boobs, she looks to be wearing a black two-piece bikini bordered in pink.  She is tugging that string between the fabric that covers the titties -- an easy but nice touch.

In third place is the Main Girl, Skylar, hailing from Fort Myers, Fla.  Lightish brown hair that falls to her tits, she's wearing a pink one-piece with that one strap that goes over her left shoulder.  She has her wrists resting against a round standing table.  She shows no emotion, but she has some piercing hazel eyes that you get lost in.

In second place is Gianna, out of North Tampa, Fla.  Straight, jet black hair that reaches down to the small of her back, she's sporting a gold two-piece bikini.  She appears to be sitting and/or straddling something to the side of the pool.  That means she is in side profile, which isn't always great, but she shows us a little bit of her bare backside, so she barely qualifies for that "If she shows ass, she goes straight to the top" principle I have.

Finally, in first place is Kayla, from Tucson.  She is also posing in side profile, but you can see just a little more of her ass anyway.  Add to it that her left thumb is tugging on the string between her boob coverings (she's wearing a pink two-piece).  What gets her over the top is how distinctively gorgeous she is: Unlike many of the other Hooters waitresses who pose, she has short (blonde) hair and she has small, perky titties.  Not who you would normally see in a Hooters calendar ... which makes her stand out even more.

So congratulations to Kayla and the other four who pose with distinction.  I will make sure to touch myself to all five of you before the house gets even more crowded.