I Tried To Wash My Ballcap Last Night ...

... and it didn't go well.  It was time I tried again, so I looked it up on YouTube and online, and I followed the instructions, which told me that I needed to get a stain spray and, because I needed to make sure it would retain its shape while drying, I decided to also buy one of those ballcap holders that's supposed to hold its shape when you put it in the washing machine.  I had one of those holders once when I was in college and it didn't work; somehow, the clasps holding the top and bottom parts together pulled open, so my cap got washed alongside all the other loose pieces of clothing and it got frayed on parts of it.

Anyway, because trying to wash it using the machine didn't work all those years ago, I didn't wash them at all.  But all my hats were getting really dirty, so that's why I tried again -- and, ironically enough, I started with the ballcap that got torn up.  If I don't know what I'm doing, might as well use my first try on my most beat-up hat.  So I washed it first, then put that stain remover all over it, brushed it into all the dirty and sweaty spots (oh, I also bought a some laundry brush to do that), then soaked it in water filled with detergent and dish soap for about 20 minutes.  I then rinsed it, put it into the holder, and it's drying, slowly, in the laundry room right now.

And to be honest, I don't see a change.  I didn't see my ballcap brighten or look cleaner after I grabbed it from the bucket, the water in the bucket in which I submerged my hat didn't look dirtier, and just now, before I left for chores, it still looks as dirty as ever.  Great.  Maybe I needed to dunk it for, like, a day, or maybe that cap has seen better days.  I just thought that what I did was going to do something and, uh, it looks like it didn't.  Might as well try again, since I bought three things for this task, but seeing as how this first try didn't do anything, it's demoralizing.

Work was light enough today -- and actually the entire week -- that I was able to move up my appointment to finally get my COVID shot at my clinic's pharmacy.  Came home, replenished the new tree with about a dozen gallons of water, then I made myself a sandwich with the very last slice of turkey, ham and chicken, and now I am watching college hockey (two Games actually, but I'm concentrating on the Minnesota/Penn St. Game on Channel 9-2 because the analyst for the St. Cloud St/Arizona St. Game on Channel 23-1 is being annoying) on free TV.

This is bliss.  And I was about to post something about my parents, but I don't think I want to jinx myself by publishing my true thoughts.

No One Tells Me Anything

I woke up on my own accord Friday morning anticipating the sprinkler guy to come.  Frankly, I couldn't begin my day off from work until he came over to winterize the system.  I was getting antsy, but I took the time in the morning to water the plants and work on stuff on my computer.  Then, as it got to the late morning, I figured I could give the tree that magically appeared in the front yard that morning some more water beyond what is encased in that plastic bag around the 8' tree.

It was a bit past 11:30, when I put the sprinkler system through its third cycle of watering that tree, that I suddenly heard the doorbell ring followed immediately by banging on the door.  It was the sprinkler guy.  Not of fan of how he announced he was here, but considering he was courteous yet fast, and that he recommended I trade in the old backflow plug for a new one made of brass, I can't complain.  I was on my way half past noon.

The only lingering issue I have is something I have asked the sprinkler company every year I call in and pay for the winterization.  I always ask that the driver call or text me ahead of time.  That way I, at the very least, will be awake for when he comes.  That courtesy isn't always given, and this dude didn't do it either, or else I wouldn't have had the sprinkler system on when he got here.

A bit later in the day I realized that fit a pattern.  The sprinkler guy didn't tell me he was coming before he did, like I asked.  The previous day, the inspector climbed on top of the house even though I told the roofer I was going to come home to open the side door for him.  And of course there's Mother, who told me that the inspector was coming less than one day before.  No one tells me anything, or at least won't tell me anything till the last minute, well past any time I could prepare for it.  And I fucking hate that.  I mean, what the hell is wrong with letting me prepare, goddammit?  (sigh)

And The Goddamn Motherfucking Pipe Is Leaking Again

So I blog posted about a leak in a pipe that happened the motherfucking day after my parents left town.  I don't know if I blog posted this, but a day or two later (I think) I tightened it up to the point where it didn't leak.  What a relief.  Heck, I felt like a man who could hold it down.

It was so "good" that I didn't bother looking at the plastic ice cream bucket below the clamp where the leak was for weeks.  Why?  If there is no reason to worry, I am free, you know?  Well, yesterday/Sunday I thought it was time to check, just in case, and goddammit, there was a small collection of water.  The bucket wasn't overflowing, thank Buddha, but if I had left it till, oh, Thanksgiving, maybe.

So I dumped out the water and looked at the clamp, and goddammit, the clamp is now dripping water.  All I could do -- all I want to do right now -- is tighten the screw some more.  My paranoid ass has checked it several times since, and it looks as though it is still dripping, but by an amount that appears livable ... maybe.  Shit, man, I don't know if homeowners just live with pipe leaks like this.  Besides, there was no leak for more than nine months.  I want that, not dealing with this bullshit.  And I'm afraid that if I try to tighten it more, I'll break the clamp and water would be shooting out from everywhere.

Why can't I have pipes that just don't leak?  Is that fucking too much to ask?

I'm so scared.

Addendum To: Addendum To: Fucking Sprinkler Head ...

There was such little work that, even though I came in early, I got done at 2.  Another sign that I should try and fix the sprinkler head!

The old and busted one worked, or "worked."  I just wanted to know if the head would stay screwed in, and it did.  (I also saw, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it's broken; the inside sprung out of its case so much that is began spurting water from behind, and not just from the small hole in the front.  That's the reason why there was such a flood around the part of the backyard it was in.)  So it wasn't the pipe but the sprinkler.  I breathed a sigh of relief that all I need to do was buy a new sprinkler head ... but I decided to try and put in the one that was in the hole, just one more time.  I made sure it was screwed in ... and it worked, perfectly.  Well, I have to adjust the arc again, but besides that, I am where I was Sunday afternoon before I yanked the whole damn thing out.  I don't know how it worked now.  Like I've said, I screwed it in before, I swear.  But it, well, works now.

I'll turn on the cycle Saturday afternoon at the duration I want it to run.  If there are no problems then (Lord willing), I have fixed yet another cycle of sprinkler heads!

Addendum To: Fucking Sprinkler Head ...

So since I got out of work on time (and I don't know the last time that happened when I was tasked to do The Fourth Department), I figured this was an opportunity to go back to working on the fucking sprinkler head.

The first time I turned on the cycle it was worse than Sunday.  Not only did the shitty head pop out from the pipe, one of the other heads didn't pop up and water.  I presumed that this sprinkler system relies on pressure, so that when this shitty head popped out of its socket, there wasn't enough pressure for this other one to rise up and do its thing.  But this shitty head popped out on Sunday, and that other head worked just fine.

Anyway, after putting a wood pallet into my second storage unit, I came back and took another shot.  I made damn sure the sprinkler head was screwed into the pipe opening.  I pulled it up to make sure it was secure.  I turned on the system ... and I'll be goddamned, the head was just floating in its hole because it popped out of the goddamn pipe opening again.  (By the way, the sprinkler head that wasn't working earlier in the evening popped up and watered like it was supposed to, so there's that.)

I'm beside myself right now.  Swear to fucking God that thing was screwed in tight.  So I'm working on another theory, though I might be doing so just because any alternative would drive me up a wall.  Maybe, when I yanked the whole fuckin' thing off of the pipe, I broke the sprinkler head.  I took a close look and it, well, looks like the thing isn't retracting completely.  And for all I know, the threads (either on the bottom of the sprinkler head or on the pipe opening) were stripped, either through me or through years of wear and tear.

So what I'm going to do (possibly tomorrow since I work and presumably get home early) is take the old and busted sprinkler head and replace it with the old and busted sprinkler head I replaced in the backyard.  Yes, it's not working, and yes, it's just been laying around the past several weeks.  But what I'm worried about right now is if the issue with that sprinkler head is the sprinkler head or the opening it's supposed to be secured to.  If it's the head, I can just buy another one, and many of my problems would be solved.  But if the fucking thing pops out again ... well, I might need to call in the lawn maintenance company.  There is a bunch of dirt in the opening, and try as I might, I couldn't completely clear out the pipe.  It's possible that dirt is creating such a build-up of pressure that it's going to turn any sprinkler head that's screwed onto it into a projectile missile.  And so if it needs to be cleaned out, that'll require equipment, expertise, and patience I don't have.

God, I just hope a new sprinkler head will do the trick.  Fuckin' Christ, man, if I had just waited for the cycle to end, I think I could've kept the old sprinkler head and the cycle would have been perfect because there would be no water splashing onto the driveway or street.  Fuck!

Fucking Sprinkler Head ...

I thought I knew what I was doing after I fixed (I think) two others.  Next up was checking the arcs for a different cycle, also in the front yard.  Yesterday/Sunday afternoon I did, and I was OK with all but one, which was arcing in both directions so much that it was clearly wetting our driveway twice.

Learning what I learned before, I made sure to wait until the water got absorbed into the dirt enough to clearly twist off the head.  I oriented the arc so that its right-most would line up with the edge of the grassline bordering the driveway and no farther.  From there, I put in the key that shortens the arc to its left.  I had the cycle going on for 15 minutes, giving me plenty of time to see how far this head would go and either cut it or lengthen it so that it wouldn't sprinkle water on the driveway.

And I got it done.  It was perfect.  So, I pulled the key out of the top of the sprinkler head ... and the goddamn, motherfucking whole thing came out.  Without the sprinkler head, the water was coming out of just the open end of a pipe, so it just looked like water coming out of the ground.  I needed to stop it; fortunately, by the time I got to the garage, there was only one minute left in the cycle.  Water dribbled its way down to the street, but it stopped before it got really, really bad.

Swear to God I screwed it in.  But I have to admit that I had trouble when I didn't think I would have to worry about lining up the threads.  And for the goddamn life of me, I couldn't screw the fucking sprinkler head back in a second time.  I don't know what it was.  The threads at the bottom of the head seemed to be fine.  It's hard to look five inches deep into the grass, but I think the threads at the open end of the pipe are just fine.

There is only problem I could see, and it might be a big one.  There was dirt on and in the open end of the pipe.  I was able to scrape off enough so there was nothing blocking the threads so that I could screw in the sprinkler head -- I think; shit, I thought I did that the first fucking time, but apparently not.  The issue is that opening should be completely clean.  No dirt at all should be on or in it, because if there is, it would block the flow of water coming up through the pipe and into the sprinkler head.  I don't have a way of completely cleaning that opening, so now I have to wait until I have time (probably tomorrow/Tuesday evening, assuming it isn't raining) to turn on the cycle and see if water is flowing freely through that sprinkler head.  If it isn't ... shit, man, I could see enough pressure building that the goddamn head flies up in the air, or hits one of the cars, or dents the house, or conks some neighbor who's just walking.  If it's that bad, that sprinkler head is unusable, and since I can't turn off a sprinkler head, that whole cycle has to be shut down until, I don't know, I get the company to do what it does in order to blow out all the dirt that's in that pipe.

Motherfucking Christ, why in the fuck do we have this goddamn sprinkler system, huh?  In particular, I hate that My Fucking Father has saddled me with the responsibility of maintaining it.  It wasn't my goddamn idea to install a whole fucking system which, by the way, I have only used to only water the lawn only, like, four times so far (I've turned it on way more times to fix the arcs one some of the heads, a practice I'll continue to do until they're all correct).  He got off on something that made him feel like a tried and true homeowner, but the silly and stupid details like fixing this shit?  No, I deal with that because that bullshit is beneath him.

Let's go beyond that: Why do we have lawns?  Why do we need to constantly need to tend to grass?  What is giving a lawn a crew cut proving?  I think we do it just to keep up appearances, and as you all know, I don't give a good goddamn about keeping up appearances.  Fuckin' A, man, you should see how brown my lawns are.  And I don't care, and I don't have my parents here to make me care.

But now I have to fucking find some time to check out this sprinkler head and hope it's screwed on tight enough that it won't go flying from all the water pressure and smash one of my car windows or kill a stranger.  Oh yeah, then I have to hope that it still has the arc that I want.  This is just a frustrating pain-in-the-ass, man.  I just wanted to take the key out of it, that's all. ...

I Definitely Have Brain Rot

Woke up this morning to the sound of my sprinklers going.  Now, lately I've (or my body has) gotten into a pattern of going to sleep and waking early (at least when compared to when I usually go to bed).  But this/Sunday morning, man, I think I would've been able to sleep in ... if not for the damn sprinklers being my alarm clock.  I don't need an alarm clock this morning, especially since I did need one yesterday/Saturday because I was working.

The sprinklers were on because I turned on the sprinkler system yesterday/Saturday because I wanted them to water the lawns while I was off to work and not in the house.  I just forgot to shut the system off last night so it wouldn't wake me up.  And I forgot because I have brain rot.  I got home late from dinner after work last/Saturday night, and sure, I went off for some late night Taco Bell, too.  Oh, yeah, there was a lot of soccer I was watching, too.  (Hey, the Loons won -- whadathunkit!)  But I spent the vast majority of my evening doomscrolling.  Goddammit, man, my mind has atrophied not due to old age but because I'm on my fucking phone all the time, filling my brain up with short dopamine hits of what gets me off.  I think that if I wasn't so addicted to my phone, I would be way more attentive at doing things, like chores, or just remembering stuff, like turning off the water sprinkler system.  Shit, I have a bunch of things I should do now, and yet my cellphone is just waiting for me like a dealer in the alley.  And of course I'm going back to him -- definitely some time today, and possibly right after I blog post this.

I have a lot of stuff to do -- going through my stuff, the laundry, etc.  And I do want to fix the sprinklers; after I did a couple heads in one section of the front lawn last weekend (at least I think they're fixed), I want to try to fix the other heads in the front lawn.  But I wanted to do it on my own time ... well, my body's time, but my body was forced to wake up to the sound of the sprinklers out front, and I think because of that, I will be tired later on this evening when I want to go out.  May be overdramatizing, but maybe not.

Need to stop looking at screens and start looking at real life.

I think I was able to fix the two sprinkler heads I wanted to work on this weekend so that they arc on my lawn and not our house or the neighbor's driveway.  (Unfortunately, there is still the possibility that wind could push the water from those sprinklers onto the driveway, like it did yesterday/Sunday afternoon.  I don't know if that can be helped.  What I needed to make sure was that those two sprinklers didn't arc beyond grass, and I think I accomplished that.)

But after getting a wood pallet from work home, I ... didn't do much of anything.  Sure, I've done some laundry, but that was yesterday/Sunday morning.  I still haven't really done anything with my stuff because I've been busy doing yardwork.  And I could, for example, work on my fantasy football draft, but now I'm too tired to do anything.

Damn, I feel like such a lazy failure.

My Sprinkler Head-Fixing Issues Apparently Continue

I have become obsessed (at times) with fixing the arc of the heads of the sprinkler system Father put in years ago.  When I see the cycle, most of the heads arc so far that they wet the sidewalks, curbs and, eek, the neighbor's driveway.  And so I have looked at the instructions to see how to fix that.

In case you don't know, the system comes with a key.  I had been using the metal, hex-style end to put into one of the holes on the top of each head; I twist it one way or the other and that is supposed to shorten the left-most side of the arc.  Alas, the arc didn't change.  After carefully reading the instructions, I realized that I needed to use the other end, the plastic end that's wider and have notches on the end.

I did that ... and it's gotten worse.  Not only do the heads (and I only tried to fix two of them; there are several others I still need to get to) still water pavement, they arc even further, jutting out onto the street and well into my neighbor's driveway.  I'm scared as hell one of the sprinklers will hit my neighbor as they're walking to the car, or they'll see their car drenched in water and that'll piss them off.  Worse off, the right-most side of the arc is different, too.  You can't use that key to fix the right side.  Instead, you have to literally take out the sprinkler head and re-orient it so that its right-most extent lines up with the edge of the grass you want to water.  I was able to twist off one of them, and I thought I had put it in correctly, but now that's watering my walkway.  I think it's hitting the side of the house, too.

Add that those sprinkler heads are a bitch to take out of the ground -- you have to dig around the head, and sometimes twisting and pulling them is difficult, and by the way, I was unable to find the ones I tried to fix without turning on the cycle so that the heads pop out from the dirt and grass that seemingly was buried above them, and that's a pain in the ass -- and after a bit more failed tinkering (I did all of this on Wednesday because I came home from work early), I quit.  Maybe I'll try again Sunday.  But even though the grass is yellow and crusty, I dare not turn on the sprinklers now, now that I've made a slightly bad situation a lot worse.  I just need to fix these damn things.

Addendum To: Where The Fuck Is She?

So I texted ****e* around 2.  She texted around 2:15 she'll be there in half an hour.  She suggested I leave with the door unlocked so she can just go in and start cleaning.  I thought about that, especially when she said she was taking at shit at a quarter to 3, but I decided to wait because she lives about 40 minutes away.

But then it's 3:30, and I haven't seen her and I haven't heard from her.  I asked for an ETA.  She says she's 27 minutes away.  So at 3:45 I really did say fuck this, shut the door but kept it unlocked, and just fuckin' left for Clear Lake.  ****e* said she would've gotten there earlier if she had known I was going down to Iowa, but I thought I made that clear when she initially postponed on Thursday.

Whatever.  I checked in with her at a gas station at 4:15.  I said my piece about the mix-up and that was that.  ****e* said she got there at 4.  Going to the The Day The Music Died Memorial took a lot longer than I thought, three hours as opposed to two.  And I don't like gravel roads, and I hated the humidity while I walked from the parking lot to the gravesite.  But I got there, a shrine embedded right in the middle of a cornfield.  Wish I could've stayed longer, but it was hot and it was getting late.

The nearest gas station to the memorial had 88 gas for $2.78-9/gal., 12-3 cents cheaper than I can get it here.  Still had to gas up before dropping off the rental (and by the way, I wanted to pre-pay so I could send the car back as close to the full line without going over, so I could save myself some money.  But six bucks brought me up short, goddammit, so I had to put my credit card to make sure it did go past the full line).  Anyway, after eating at Taco Bell and freaking out because one of the water leak pucks went off, I finally got home to see ****e* cleaning away.  (I think a hose in the boiler room overflowed because she was using hot water to wash out the kitchen sink.  Is that normal?)  And, per usual, she left everything spotless.  There were marks in the upstairs toilet I couldn't rub out, but she did.  Finally, she let me touch and even bite into her new tits.  She stopped me when I dropped my pants to start touching myself to her, though.  Oh, well.  Can't win them all.  And she's one hell of a cleaning lady, so I will once again tolerate her aloofness and tardiness next time.

The Time Where I Almost Fucking Lost It Watching The World Cup

So I made the mistake of going to downtown to catch the last Matches of Group G almost a month ago.  I heard downtown was dead because it was dangerous (which of course is bullshit), plus there were no Twins or Lynx Games whose crowds I would have to worry about, so I thought I would have a good time digesting both Matches in relative peace.

I found a table where I would be able to see two TVs, each showing one of the Games.  One was farther from my vantage point than the other, but that was fine, or so I thought.  Shortly after I sat down, this group of three people sat at the table next to me.  That was OK, even though they got a little loud.  One guy ordered a round of shots and another guy was wondering if he could eat, and then I got a bit concerned.

Then, this fucking group grew like metastatic cancer.  A fourth dude came, then another group of some number, then another, then another.  They started blocking my view of the TV further from my eyesight, which was Egypt-Iran, the better of the two Matches going on simultaneously.  (That finished 1-all; in the other Game, Belgium routed New Zealand, 5-1.)  They of course started getting really loud, which only worsened when this same motherfucker who bought the first round of shots decided he was a bigshot and ordered a couple more rounds with even more shots.

As bad as that was, I really started to boil inside when they invaded my personal space which, in this specific environment, was my table.  The group got so big that a couple of them began standing inbetween my table and theirs, and their clothes and, for all I know, their body fat pushed up against and hovered over the side of my table.  I was already upset that I couldn't hear or see the World Cup Games I was there to see, so that shit really put me on red.

Then, some guy who probably was not part of their group (I'll get to why I say that in a bit) put his glass of water on my table.  The other end of this short table I was sitting at, but this was My.  Fucking.  Table.  And this asshole just walked away without it.  This was my red line.  This was the point where I lost it, or I had to do something while knowing I couldn't yell or punch someone.  I saw him talking to his group around the other side of the pillar against which my table was at.  I just grabbed the glass of water, went up to this dude, and said, "Hey, this is your water," then sat back down.  And he probably thought I was crazy and/or an asshole, but he, I guess, was puzzled enough to find another place to put the glass of water and then forget about it.  But at least that goddamn cup wasn't at my table.

As for these fuckers to the left of me, which seriously grew to about 20 or even two dozen people, it didn't get any better.  They got even louder and rowdier, and they even started pushing up against my table.  But hey, at least they got into the Eqypt-Iran Match like I was.  The only thing I can think as to why they seemed to be so OK with getting sorta close to me, and this is a complete guess, is that, and I was able to hear this with little difficulty because they were talking so fucking loud, they were in town for a conference of Asian journalists.  They were all Asian, as, of course, am I and, even though I didn't have that good of a look at him, the shit who left his water at my table.  They may have thought we were all a part of this conference in downtown Minneapolis.  I find it kind of funny since I have a degree in journalism.  I am out of the industry, way out.  And while looking at these drunk and dumb fucks ruin my night, it crossed my mind how many of these young, over-confident shits will wash out of the industry like I did.  From those who are able to carve out a career, I wonder how many of them will become "insiders" whose egos will be so big they'll become insufferable pricks who fall in love with the smell of their own shit.  Then again, they're Asian.  They might not be allowed to get that big.

Thinking/Wishing all of these journalists-to-be will fail was the only socially-acceptable way I could get back at these assholes that ruined my World Cup viewing.  Good luck in journalism.

Sleeping Like Normal People Might Be A Thing I Do Now

I could have stayed up to watch the Matt Damon/Noah Kahan rerun of Saturday Night Live, but the cold open was him acting as Brett Kavanaugh having a beer with Colin Jost's Pete Hegseth and Aziz Ansari's Kash Patel, and ... well, I know they aim for parody, but I just did not want to see them, so I didn't see it.

So, after doomscrolling, I shut my eyes.  That was around 11:30.  And I woke up around 7.  I was fully energized and also a tad upset I didn't get to the things I wanted to do last night.  But I had time to do them this morning -- watering the plants, watering the lawn, going out for groceries (in particular a banana; I had time to eat cereal for breakfast!), doing the dishes and, now, doing the laundry.

And I'm pooped.  But I still have time to blog post for the day, then go out to get some pop and maybe some ginger beer and/or ale), then go home and nap before The World Cup Final.  Maybe sleeping like normal people is not only a thing I do now, but something I like to do.

How Did Draining The Water Heater Go?

Well, I haven't burned the house down and I have hot water, so I don't think I've fucked up severely!

But the problem is I don't know if I did it right.  See, as I drained the water, I didn't see any dirty water.  I was initially putting this supposedly bad water in buckets to note how dirty it was, but the first few bucketfuls were completely clear.  That's when I decided to take out a garden hose from the shed, attach it to the short leader hose I also found in the shed, connect them (with a bit of difficulty; I sprayed some water all over the floor, dammit), and laid the other end in the floor drain in the laundry room.

I think I waited half an hour before it appeared as though the water from the hose slowed to a trickle.  I also checked where the garden hose connected to the leader hose, which I put in a bucket to collect the water coming out of the poor connection.  That seemed to also slow to a trickle, and that Internet tells me that means the water heater is completely empty.  So, I began flushing it by opening up the water valve for between five and 20 seconds and then shutting it off.  That start and stop is supposed to rustle up any sediment that settled in the bottom of the tank of the water heater so it could be sucked out of the drain plug.

At first, the water was dirty -- well, not brown like I was afraid it would be, but not as clear as the water that was taken out of the heater.  So I dumped the first bucket in the front yard while I took out a second bucket in which to continue to drain the tank.  Once in a while I would open and shut the water valve.  And the water continued to be dirty.  What it didn't appear to do, I'm afraid, is get better.  I kept dumping out bucket after bucket for, I believe, 45 minutes.  And while I could trick myself into thinking it was getting clearer, it was not getting clear.

I didn't know what to do.  I Googled and the damn AI said that this flushing method should take no more than 15 minutes.  Then why in the hell was I still getting brown-ish water after flushing for damn near 45 minutes?  Could it be the buckets I'm using making it look not clear?  They buckets aren't clear.  They're white; maybe that's the issue?

I stopped at a quarter to 11, about 2 1/2 hours after I started this ordeal.  Not because I was done, but because I indeed did not know what to do.  I closed the drain plug and opened up the water valve all the way.  After dumping the last bucket and wrapping up the garden hose I used, I saw that all the faucets I left open while doing this gravity drain was gushing out water and not air.  I didn't think that took a long time, however, so I kind of wonder whether I emptied the whole tank after all.

Oh, well.  It's all over.  Maybe I don't have to do this maintenance every year like I thought I needed to.  Me spilling water everywhere, because of the bad connection of the hoses and because of spilling hoses and the filled buckets on the floor, is something I don't want to revisit.  But I have just extended the life of the water heater -- maybe?

Water-Centered Plans Ruined By Sleep

Before draining (or attempting to drain) my water heater, I wanted to do three things last night: Shower, wash dishes, and wash clothes.  But I fell asleep around 10:30 and woke up around 4:30, and since I really want to do this this morning/right now, I can't do any of those three things.  Not showering sucks the most; I got sweaty again due to the hot weather yesterday/Friday, and I fell asleep on my sheets without wearing a shirt, so I know that the sheet has absorbed all my sweat, but I don't want to wash it, so I'm just going to continue to sleep on it until I just can't take it anymore, which could be up to two months.

Well, I'm sticking to my plan of draining this thing this morning, so I'm going to do it now.  Like I already said, wish me luck.

I think I have read up on the Internet enough that, tomorrow, I will attempt to drain my water heater.  It is an attempt to get the dirty water out of it and to extend its lifespan.  And hopefully I won't fuck it up.

Wish me luck, and if you're so inclined, pray for me.

Yardwork (Water)

Went to bed around 3, woke up just about at 8 exact.  This is my second and final day off, and I was hoping I would sleep in, but alas, I did set aside some time over these past couple days to work around the house, so if my body says I need to be up at a time like everyone else, well, so be it.

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I wanted to take another crack at adjusting the sprinkler heads so that they wouldn't shoot so much water onto the pavement.  I thought all I needed to do was to take this key, shove it into the hole in each sprinkler, and crank it counter-clockwise.  But I tried that before and it didn't work, and I don't think it worked this morning.  I think the instructions said I had to use my off-palm to crank the top of the sprinkler head all the way to the right, and I can't do that.  It's hard to do when they're all moving.  So maybe there's nothing I can do.

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That's important because the sprinklers alongside the boundary with one of my neighbors sprayed that neighbor's driveway and, because they were parked there, the cars, too.  I was hoping the water wouldn't spray the cars, but it did.  Then, as luck would have it, someone came out to drive away from their home.  They must have seen the front door all went from the sprinklers.  So maybe, even though there's nothing I can do, I have to do something to not piss off my neighbor.  Maybe not run the sprinklers at all?

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Last time I ran them, on Sunday, I saw a huge pool behind one of the sprinkler heads in the backyard.  That's one of the things I wanted to investigate in my two days off.  So when I ran the cycle through, I found the culprit: One of the other sprinkler heads is loose or leaking or something, because water is just gushing out of it from every which way.  So now that needs to be fixed.  But how?

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OK, not a blurb about yardwork, but it is about water.  I am now committed to trying to maintain the water heater.  And I am going to do it this weekend.  We have garden hoses to attach to the water heater, but they are all, like, 25 or 50 feet.  I am more comfortable using a short one so I can dump the water into a bucket and then take it outside.  (I'm worried about leaks in the hoses, plus I need to see how dirty the water in the heater is.)  This morning I saw in the shed that we have a three-foot hose, but that only has two female ends, so I can only flush the water heater.  I want one to attach to the, what, temperature and pressure (or T&P) switch so I can see if that works, and so I need a hose with a male end.  I went to The Home Depot to buy one, and there was one that was six feet long, but attached to that is an adapter.  So I just realized: Why do I need to buy a hose when I can just buy an adapter and attach that to the small hose we already have.  So now I need to find a place that has that adapter.  So maybe I won't maintain the water heater this weekend after all.

This Stripper Really Loves Me

So I made it to a stripper party last/Friday night.  I wish I could say I was more relaxed, but the stripper I was with really took things in stride.  She's a really cool chick.  I hope to get with her again soon.

I was planning on going home because I was, well, spent.  But *****y, even though she wasn't technically hosting (*****a was because it was her birthday), she wouldn't let me leave until I stayed there for a while longer.  *****a had made me a strong frozen margarita a few hours before, and *****y didn't want me to just drive off.  Now, this is not the first time *****y has asked me not to leave so soon after a house party.  Also, and make of this what you wish, I felt fine driving home.  (She has continually said to other strippers working parties I've been to that I don't drink much.  I don't know when I should tell her that, uh, isn't quite the case ... which makes me think I should cut down on the drinking, but that should is a blog post for another time.)  But like the first time she asked, I was struck by this stripper, the ethos of whom I normally associate with being a free spirit, and with acting with wild abandon, being so concerned about me, let alone anyone.

*****y gave me a bottle of water and told me to stay, so I just drank water and doomscrolled.  After an hour of this (again, I was all tapped out, so I didn't have any fun with the other strippers there), I thought I was good to go.  She let me go, but she insisted on me texting her once I got home.  Now, don't tell her, I went to Chick-Fil-A first because I had an urge for a peach milkshake.  But then I got home, and I got home in one piece.  And when my cellphone picked up my house wi-fi, there waiting was a message from *****y asking me if I got home safely.

Yes, our relationship is built on sex work.  I cannot deny that when we always "hang out," money changes hands.  But that shows me that *****y loves me.  I am absolutely convinced of that.  You do not go out of your way to prevent someone from getting into an accident, and then proactively text someone whether he got home safe, if you don't love him.  Now, I know she's not in love with me; it's not like that, and I don't think it can be like that.  But our relationship, and I can't think of a better term to call it, has become different over the many, many years I have known and, well, gotten serviced by her.  This is not meaningless.  The concern for my well-being she showed me yesterday is something by which I am deeply moved.  And I guess I am still processing all that.

Ironically, I could see My Mother doing this same thing to me (not at a house party like this, of course), to which I would probably scream at her, "You're suffocating me!!!!!!!!!!"  But I don't feel that way from *****y.  Probably because *****y isn't My Mother who has confused me whenever she hasn't psychologically tortured me all my life.  Plus, I've seen *****y naked ... and I quite love seeing her naked!

Why Did I Think Cleaning The Condenser Unit Would Be Easy?

When it comes to maintaining the AC, I didn't think it would be hard.  I studied up on cleaning the condenser unit.  What I did not take into account is screwing back in the lid.  I should have, because screwing things back in is never as easy as unscrewing them.

This whole rigmarole surrounding cleaning the outdoor unit was a pain in the ass.  I had to first get the water system up and running.  I got everything set up in the backyard, but forgot that the gate valve in the basement had to be turned on, and when I did, I heard this scary as hell banging as the water started flowing.  And then I went outside and the pipe leading to the spigot (where I hooked up the hose I used to rinse the unit) was dripping water like crazy.  I thought there was a bad leak, but it stopped, so (shrug).

I then was able to unplug the condenser.  I was able to yank the, and I just learned this is what it was called yesterday on YouTube, the cartridge in the outdoor breaker, and then the cartridge in the main circuit breaker in the basement.  Unscrewing the cover to get inside the condenser was easy.  Applying the cleaner seemed fine, even though I though there would be a lot more froth.  And the hose worked in rinsing off the cleaner.  But goddammit, I kept lining up the lid, but the holes through which I had to screw the screws wouldn't line up for all five screws.  I was getting both frustrated and hot, and that's not a good combination, so I went back inside to eat the rest of my chicken wrap and cool off.  I tried again, got three screws in, then said screw it with the other two screws.  Everything works and I finally turned on the air conditioning for the first time this year.  But I have two screws extra.

My bedroom is right above the unit.  I don't think it's noisier than it would be if it had all five screws in.

Making My Schedule Based On Time, Money, Car Vibes, And Semen

Fitting my schedule to accommodate chores, outings, and time with my stripper girlfriends have just overwhelmed me.  I need to budget my time, I need to make sure I have enough money to do everything I want to do, I'm getting kind of freaked out over driving everywhere because of the obscene price of gasoline, and, most important of all, I need to make sure I'm able to cum on demand.

It's the stripper girlfriends where all of this comes to a head (in a manner of speaking).  I wanted to get with ****e for the longest time, and I thought last weekend was it, but she didn't answer my texts in a timely manner.  Finally, last weekend she said that this weekend was good.  After some back-and-forth, I am supposed to see her tomorrow/Sunday.  Then, ***e* blindsided me by telling me she was in town this weekend and wants to cum visit.  Not a great time, but I slotted her in for this/Saturday morning.  I don't know if my penis can perform back-to-back, but consider ***e* is only here this weekend and I already promised ****e, I kind of have to turn back the clock.

On top of all that, I've been going back-and-forth with my ATF regarding a massage.  I thought Monday would work, but when I texted her that I would be home Monday, my goddamn cellphone auto-corrected it to I would be gone Monday.  I caught it last/Friday night and said that I could be available after the weekend, and she apparently agreed.  Phew!  (By the way, if my ATF surprises me by doing something freaky, it won't matter that I shot the day before.  I know that, even in my advanced age, surprising trysts with women for the first time will have me ejaculating left and right!)

Now, beyond having fun (which seems kind of forced right now), I have things I need to do -- stuff like getting a shave, replenishing my alcohol, and seeing my junior prom date at the cemetery.  But before all that, I have stuff around the house I need to do -- stuff like getting my irrigation system up and running and, more importantly, cleaning my outdoor condenser unit.  Summer jumped me this week, and even though I partly am backing off on turning on the air conditioner because I don't want to spend money (being the primary caretaker of a house now turns you into a miser, believe me), I think it's high time I clean the outdoor condenser.  After all, my ATF should be giving me a rubdown on Monday, and I want her to be as comfortable as possible.  Running a fan won't be enough to cool her down, and besides, I want to close the windows in case she touches me to the point where I start screaming.

But I've never done it before.  I've looked through the YouTube videos, and I know I should clean out the debris that's inside it, then use a cleaner to clean the coils from the inside out, then use a hose to rinse it from the inside out.  But, they suggest I cut the power.  And even though I have turned off both the thermostat and the AC, I have no idea how to cut off power from the circuit breaker right next to the condenser unit.  I open up the cover and all I see is a metal loop.  What the hell is that?  Oh, well.  I think I am going to try and clean everything after I just turn off the AC and thermostat.

Oh, wait ... I can't hose the unit down after I clean everything because I haven't connected the water yet.  And I can't do that until I screw the nut into the, um, thingy that was pulled out in the fall in order to winterize our irrigation system.  I tried screwing it by hand, but I can't screw it in tight, so some time this/Saturday afternoon I am going to get a wrench and twist it in.  Then, I can use the water, and then I can begin cleaning the condenser because I can then rinse it.  Will I get this all done in one afternoon?  Who knows?  I might screw up, or hesitate at a step and decide screw it, I'll just turn the whole AC on.  I'm keeping my options open.

How does driving fit into this?  Shaving involves me driving in one direction, shopping for alcohol and visiting my deceased prom date means I need to drive in the other.  I do not want to drive both directions this/Saturday afternoon, especially if I need to do this thing with the condenser and irrigation system.  Since I'm seeing a friend next week, I think I'll get my shave and do everything else next weekend.  I think.  I'm keeping my options open!

Yeah, I'm busy.  And I haven't even mentioned sleep.  I want to budget one day where I can sleep in.  But I have to get up at a certain time to make sure I go out to the bank to get money today/Saturday to pay ***e*, and then I have to wake up at a certain time tomorrow/Sunday to drive over to ****e's place because she asked me to.  I won't like being woken up by an alarm up to a dozen days in a row (through next Saturday, when I'm supposed to meet this long-lost friend for which I'm getting my face shaved).

Gosh, I'm dealing with a lot of moving pieces I need to fit over the next two weeks -- and that's just for now, who knows what else is coming down the pike.  I know it's not serious in the big picture, but right now it feels serious to me.