The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

With both U. basketball teams starting their seasons, we've reached the busy part of The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey.  Because of so many clubs and that I'm tired af, I think I'm just going to whip through them:

#-1: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -6).  These women are in like Flynn.  They went to Los Angeles and won both Games.  They were already in the NCAA Tournament, but this boosts their chances to move up on the S-Curve.

OK, I don't quite understand this.  The Gophers play Penn St. at Maturi Pavilion Friday, then play at Iowa Sunday afternoon.  Never seen a pair of one-offs like this before.

#-2: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2).  A pair of 3-2 Wins at ranked Duluth.  They have this weekend off.

#-3: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Yes, they lost at home to The New York Islanders.  But that was in Overtime, they won the other three Games this Week -- and all on the road, mind you -- and they're tied with Edmonton for Most Points In The Western Conference.  (BTW, they're up five Points in The Central Division.)  Most impressive of all, the Wild are doing this without Brock Faber, who could be back on the team soon.  This team is impressive because Jesper Wallstedt may be The Best Goalie In The NHL.  The sky could be the limit.

This Week: Home to San Jose and Tampa Bay (whom they're playing back-to-back), then at Montreal.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -7).  With Anthony Edwards out for an extended period of time, it looks like leadership responsibilities fall to the new guy on the squad, Lamelo Ball.  And, despite a Loss in San Antonio everyone saw coming, they're weathering the loss of their teammate well, cruising past The Bastard Buffalo Braves by 26 Friday, outlasting Milwaukee Monday and, most impressive of all, hanging tough and defeating The Bastard San Diego Rockets in Houston.  This Week will be a relatively light one: At New Orleans tomorrow/Friday night, hosting Utah Sunday evening.

#-5: United FC (Last Week: -5).  They continue their possibly-too-late late-season run by going to South Central and beating Laugh-See convincingly, 3-1.  (Joaquin Pereyra, with his Brace?  God bless you, you beautiful, beautiful man.)  They're undefeated in their last six Matches, and because of that they're still technically alive in the playoff race, which is something to behold.  Now, to actually get in the postseason.  They obviously have to win Saturday evening at home versus San Jose, and then they have to hope that things go pear-shaped for three of five XIs that are also fighting for the final three births in the West.  Again, probably not.  But we all put this club out of their (and our) misery after the World Cup ended, and they've chose to fight instead.  Gotta respect that.

#-6: Gopher men's basketball (NEW SEASON!).  The male ballers started 2026-7 with a 35-Point beatdown of North Dakota at Williams Arena Monday night.  I have no idea how good they are projected to be.  All I know is that St. Thomas comes to Dinkytown Friday, and then they will visit Cincinnati Monday.  

#-7: Gopher women's basketball (NEW SEASON!).  The Gopher team that reached last Year's Sweet Sixteen began their new season with a 20-Point cruise past Harvard at the Barn Monday evening.  Bright start despite the devastating loss of wunderkind Tori McKinney, who suffered an ACL tear in practice and is out for the rest of the season.  How will they survive?  Who knows?

This screening Week: At Marquette Saturday afternoon (a rare visit by a BcS school to a non-BcS-affiliated establishment), then home to Southern Tuesday.

#-8: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  A Shootout Loss and an Overtime Win, both at home vs. Penn St.

I remember the graphic being put up during Friday's contest: Minnesota is in the middle of a nine-Game homestand.  I've never heard of that before.  The fifth and sixth Matches are tonight/Thursday night and Saturday night against ... well-well-well, Wisconsin, the top-ranked team in the country.

#-9: Gopher football (Last Week: -1).  Fuckin A, man, they had 'em.  The defending national champion Indiana Hoosiers were the opponent, and the Gophers were in Bloomington, and they had the then-fourth-ranked team in the nation on the ropes.  But the kicker for the Hoosiers, who was only 1-of-3 Saturday afternoon (and that one made Field Goal was from only 21 Yards), nailed one from 60 Yards to send the tilt to Overtime.  Indiana's backup Quarterback (the starter got benched) threw a Pass for a Touchdown on the first play in OT, and Minnesota couldn't answer.  Frankly, by all rights, the Gophs should have pulled the upset.  Alas, they have another chance to make College Football Nation notice when they host UCLA this/Saturday afternoon.

#-10: Vikings (Last Week: 0).  Another sterling performance turned in by Brian Flores and the Vikes' D (I don't know for sure; I didn't see it because I fell asleep for pretty much the whole Game), but this time the Vikes' O couldn't hold up their end and they lose for the first time all Year, 19-14, at Detroit.  It's not all bad.  For one, I think a defeat is good because that focuses a team to fix what went wrong.  But the problem, as well as the reason I have the Vikings ranked lower than the Gopher gridiron outfit, is that what's wrong has been obvious for some time: The entire Vikings Offense.  It hasn't gotten out of second gear all season.  Aaron Jones, Sr. can do only so much at his age, and he gets bogged down in front of a line, the interior of which is holding on by threads.  That means Kyler Murray can't key off of that for play action.  Meanwhile, and I saw this in the Win over the Colts, he's missing a lot of throws.  I think he's a bit more accurate than Carson Wentz (and Murray will avoid Turnovers almost to a fault), but he hasn't proven he can have his guys climb on his back and lead them down the field to score.  I am tempted to put Wentz in there; he won't run (and Murray might be the team's best rusher if Jones continues to be hurt), but he'll at least be tall enough to not have his passes batted down.

And all of this could unravel if the Defense finally buckles.  Things can't last forever, and even though Buffalo is a tough opponent, losing to the Bills Monday night might bruise the team's aura a bit.

#-Infinity: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -4).  OK, so in the final Game of the 2026 women's soccer regular season, they got routed, 4-1, at Illinois.  Chris Henderson (he's a dude that follows soccer) now puts the U.'s chances of getting into the NCAA Tournament as very slim (my words, not his) because the Gophers did not qualify for that tournament and therefore don't have the chance to polish up their resumes by beating quality squads.  So ... that's it, and I feel pretty confident this race will not go to a run-off.  Don't think too hard.