Goddamn, My Cock's Getting A Workout

So I went to a stripper party after work on Monday.  I am going to one after work tonight/Friday night.  Another one of my stripper girlfriends is hosting one at her place next Friday.  And I just got a text from ***e* that she is in town and wants to see me for a "quickie" this weekend.  I told her I am free Sunday afternoon.

That means that over the next dozen days, I'll get wanked (and maybe moreso) four times.  I've wondered if I'm still virile enough to put out now that I'm the big 5-0.  My potency has gone down in the last decade-plus, but I can still pud out a bit.  Will that change now that I have to perform four times over the next twelve days?  We shall see!

(Aside: Not only is my dick getting a workout; my wallet is, too.  Need to mind that.)

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: 0).  Since getting cucked 6-0 in Vancouver on The Ides Of March, they've been riding a six-Match unbeaten streak.  Better yet, they won both of their Games this Week, shutting out Portland at Allianz Field Saturday by a 2-0 scoreline (even though the Loons had the run of play and could have scored at least two more Goals), then going to down to Dallas last/Wednesday night and pulling out a 1-0 victory when Owen Gene (look how his Game has grown!) found Anthony Markanich, who rebounded his own miss at the 32nd Minute.

They're currently tied for third in Points in MLS' Western Conference.  And they will host the club with which they're tied -- star-studded LAFC in a Match Saturday that was moved up from the nighttime to the afternoon so this could get on network TV.  Then on Tuesday, they play in the Eighth-final of the U. S. Open Cup at San Jose, which currently leads the West in MLS and just scored four Goals in about 11 Minutes late in the Second Half last/Wednesday night to obliterate Austin in Cali, 5-1.

Oh, by the way, I feel like this team is doing quite well right now.  But this past Week was a down Week for local sports, and frankly, since the Timberwolves were stopped in The Western Conference Finals the past two Years, I don't feel as though they deserve a 0.  (A 2-0 lead when you win both Games on the road?  I would think about giving a 0 in that case a lot.)  Then, I rely on my principle of no digit gaps in the WMNSS.  In other words, I don't want to put MNUFC in Positive Numbers and then put the Wolves at -1.  There has to be a 0, and I decided it was going to be United FC backing down.

#-1: Timberwolves (Last Week: -2).  It's only two Games, but damn, what a turnaround after a humbling Game 1 Loss at The Denver Nuggets.  Tim Connelly built Denver, so he knows how to defeat Denver, and even though they won only one Game so far this series (let alone only once in the regular season), the T-Wolves have traditionally had the Nuggets' number.  Now, to hold serve for Games 3 and 4.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The fucking worm turned.  They were leading their Division this time last screening Week, but a 1-4 record this past Week, low-lighted by a sweep at home by Cincinnati and then enabling The New York Mets to win and break a 12-Game losing streak last/Wednesday, has dropped them back to earth at terminal velocity.  It's still early in their season, which is why I ranked the Twinks over the teams below them in a very bad Week for local sports teams.  But let's see if they can turn things around visiting Tampa this weekend, then hosting Seattle for three starting Monday.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Should we be glad somewhat that their sweep at #1 UCLA could have been worse?  We shouldn't be counting moral victories, but yeah.  They lost by scores of 4-2, 6-4, and 5-2 -- all not heinous embarrassments.  Take it as a life lesson.  And they quadrupled up North Dakota St. Tuesday at Siebert, 12-3.  They finish a five-Game homestand by hosting Northwestern over the weekend, then St. Thomas Tuesday.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -4).  I don't think they'll beat The Bastard North Stars because I think God hates me.  Still, I want them to beat the ever-loving shit out of The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0.  And things were good to start off the series, with Minnesota absolutely emasculating Dallas in Dallas, 6-1.  They lost Game 2, but at least they got home-ice advantage ...

... which they lost just now.  Game 3 was at the Gica last/Wednesday night, and since it went to double Overtime and the Game itself started at 8:30, it ended around 1 in the morning and it ended with those motherfuckers winning back home-ice.  So glad I wasn't there.  But we're facing yet another Mild elimination in the First Round, and yet again at the hands of The Team That Was Stolen From Us.  Don't go out like bitches.  Don't go out like that!

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5).  The hits ... well, they keep on coming in the sense that the Goofer softballers continue to get battered around this season.  They didn't hit that much over the weekend, when Nebraska (ranked either sixth or fourth depending on which poll you go to) swept them.  Yes, the U. baseballers also got swept, but 1) the softballers were hosting and 2) they got mercy-ruled twice, following Friday's 4-0 Shutout with a 17-2 ass-kicking (which, of course, ended after only five Innings) Saturday and an 11-2 humiliation Sunday afternoon that ended after six.  They "rebounded" Tuesday and tripled up North Dakota at Cowles, 6-2.  But the sweep is the true mark of how this squad, and this program, is going -- namely two-thirds bad, with a Big Ten record of 6-12 and an overall record of 15-30.

For the first time I can remember, Minnesota ain't playing Wisconsin only twice in the form of a Doubleheader played mid-Week.  They host the Badgers this weekend, the final three Games of a seven-Game homestand.

So I went to the dentist yesterday/Tuesday.  And goddammit, I have another cavity for which I need to go in again.  Well, it looks like all those days I was frozen in terror when this corrupt and installed Republican government took over our city, and all those times I got home from work so tired, caused me to not feel like brushing my teeth ... nah, who am I kidding, I just didn't floss and brush my teeth as often as I should have.  I definitely will get back into the habit ... nah, who am I kidding, I'll be as half-ass about it as I've always been.  I know I should do it daily (actually they recommend twice daily), but teeth brushing has never been something I do as a routine.  As with other matters of hygiene, for that matter.

Well, ******a texted me out of the blue and said that she can finally massage.  Before she said we'd shoot for Saturday, but this afternoon she told me she could come over tonight!  No exercise for me today, but that's OK if she's going to rub me down!

Seriously, I'm not looking for anything.  The furthest I'll go is getting completely naked for her, which is how I usually am for any massage.  If she says yes, I'm totally happy.  I would expect a normal, clean massage from then on out.  If there's anything more than that ... well, that would be a complete surprise.

I'm just hoping that I don't scare her off -- either by asking if I can be completely unclothed or, more likely, by all the stuff that's strewn around the house.  I hope she doesn't hate messy.

Old Chicken Not As Good As New-ish Chicken

So yesterday/Monday I was invited to this house party that was happening later into the evening.  Normally I wouldn't go because of the last-minute notice ... and I usually haven't.  But it was at a place much more convenient to me, plus ****e was there, and it just so happened I texted her on Sunday.  Work was a bear, but I managed to get out in time so that I could go home, change, get money, and then get to the party in time to get my rocks off.

While waiting for ****e and *****y (who told me about the party) to double-team me, I sat in the cramped kitchen which was hosting this shindig with three-to-four other guys who have either gotten serviced or were waiting to be serviced by at least one of those two women.  There's always food at these stripper parties.  And even though food is the furthest thing I need when I go to these parties, there's nothing else to do there except eat.  Someone, probably one of the dancers, bought take-home chicken and fries, presumably from Cub Foods.  I ate it.  And even though it had been laying around of at least 90 minutes, it tasted good.

I planned to have Kentucky Fried Chicken for dinner last/Monday night.  Well, let me go back a bit ... before I even knew there was a party going on, I was planning on going to the Ty Segall concert at First Ave.  But I checked his recent playlist.  He doesn't seem to deviate from concert to concert, and the one song for which I would have gone to see him play (his awesome, stomping cover of Hot Chocolate's "Every 1's A Winner") he has not played at all in his tour, at least not yet.  I'm not a big-enough fan of Mr. Segall that I would go see him play songs I don't know, so I decided not to go.  Maybe I should've researched his tour set earlier so I could have made this decision earlier.

Anyway, because I decided not to go to the concert, I quickly pivoted to eating KFC after the party.  I recently signed up for the fast food restaurant's application, and because I'm a first-time signee, I got this deal where, for the first seven days I signed in, I could get my first order through their app for half off.  I had planned this after looking over the menu, so I knew that I was going to order a four-piece chicken meal, which came with a side (I settled on fries), a biscuit, and a Pepsi.  That would originally go for about $14.50 (!), so seeing as I was going to get it for half-off, I figure this would be the only time I would ever get it.

When my parents were here (ish), they would make me get KFC on Tuesdays.  They still have a deal where a bucket of eight pieces of chicken sells for ten bucks.  Those were always hot.  These weren't.  Still, I thought it would taste good, so I sat down and at them and ... they weren't.  I don't know why.  I don't think it's quality control, at least beyond the warmth.  But it wasn't as good as the leftover chicken I ate at the party.  That can't be right.  The only thing I can think of is that, besides having popcorn and a Cpari-Sun-like juicebox at work, given to us by the company, I was really hungry, and that leftover chicken hit the spot.  I ate all my KFC with little difficulty, but when I started, admittedly, I wasn't hungry.

Maybe I should've saved that Kentucky Fried Chicken order for another day.  Or maybe this KFC store had a bad run of chicken and if I had gone somewhere else that night I would've gotten better chicken.  Who knows?

Tingling/Numbness Now Scaring Me

Just want to put down for the record that there has been tingling and numbness I've been feeling -- mostly in my right hand and wrist and forearm, but really everywhere, for the past ... oh, seven days or so.  It's carpal tunnel, even though I feel a lot of pain on the corner of my wrist just below the pinky, if you're asking me to pinpoint one thing.

I think this is a combination of factors coming home to roost -- having my work mouse too far from my reach, all those times I've had to grip an exacto knife to cut open packages at work, my nasty habit of holding up my cellphone with one of my chargers attached to it, and lying down while looking up at my laptop, which I too hold with my hands and thus with my forearms holding it up.

Keep doing exercises all week, but it's not working out.  I still feel this general numbness that sticks around at times, and in certain gripping positions I feel a sharp pain at the corner of my wrist.  I sleep with a brace on now, and it sometimes works.  I've begun to take pills, too, but I don't know if that will work.

Honestly, as far-fetched as this sounds, I'm just hoping that it's some virus, or some blip that my body is going to take care of, and this will all be gone in a week.  But I've had this pain, although in a slightly less acute and frequent form, for months now.  This might get worse, I'm afraid.

Nightmare

This nightmare happened this morning.

I was working, or at least at, a casino.  I was gathering up matchsticks in a junk drawer and gave them to either a security guard who, if I was working there, would be my co-worker.  I then walked around the casino, but it wasn't walking, really.  It was more like floating down the hallway.  Oh, and I guess I wasn't at the part of the casino where all the slot machines and table games were.  I was, like, at the outer portion, the lobby portion (?), where you're getting into the casino proper.  Anyway, I wasn't floating free.  Something was holding me back.  I wasn't floating as fast as I wanted to.

While floating not free, I noticed this person who didn't work at the casino go into, like, a security desk.  But he was told not to, and either as or after I passed this desk, I heard a security guard shouting that this guy was not allowed inside the security desk.  That is when I felt this wave of panic, as if something bad was about to happen.

That's when I woke up.

I haven't had a nightmare in some time.  Guess I haven't slept so deeply in a long time.

Please Fuck Me For My Sweetness

So I was invited to a stripper party that was going on yesterday/Saturday.  I would go for only one reason: ****e, with whom I had a couple of wild times in the privacy of a room.  I asked about a month ago if she would be there; if she were, then I would, too.  But she has been ailing -- something with her hand last month, then, when I texted her again yesterday/Saturday morning, something about her hip.  She wasn't going, so I pivoted to doing some Record Store Day stuff instead.

I ask her if she needs anything.  It's not like we're close or anything, but, frankly, she's sucked my dick, so I want to help her if she's in need.  She said she didn't, but she said, "Aw, you're such a sweet guy!"  And I want to be sweet.  And I genuinely want to know if I can help her.  But, and I just noticed this myself, a couple times in the past after a stripper girlfriend has told me I'm sweet for offering to do something, I've gotten some action.  So, um, yes, I am kind of hoping that when ****e, or any stripper, says that, I'm getting sumpin'-sumpin' the next time we meet.  I hope that's an indication that if you're nice to a woman, that woman is willing to do nice, or naughty, things to you.

Forgot Shower Strainer

Right now I'm bothered (admittedly from other things too) that I failed to put a strainer in the master bathroom shower.  I had swapped out the one that was there and put that in the master bathroom sink, and I was going to toss the one that was in the master bathroom sink because it was getting all clogged up.  Somehow, I forgot to grab a new one (or an old one -- get this, My Father takes the time to unclog strainers in order to re-use them.  Yes, it saves money, and I put one of those cleaned ones in the shower, but I feel like this is a First World privilege that we should indulge in -- don't scrape shit off of a strainer, they're only two bucks apiece!), and worse than that, I put the plastic strainer that goes on top of the strainer back where it was, as if I had already put that second strainer back in.

Worst of all is I don't remember how long ago this all was.  I think, though, that it had to have been at least a month, and possibly it's been longer than that.  Lord knows how much of my hair and dead skin was able to get through that's currently clogging up the pipes.  Dammit, man, how could I forget something like that?  I had an entire process I needed to do, and I just stopped halfway through it.  What the hell was I thinking?

So That's Why The Rear Seat Wouldn't Stay In Place!/Poor Pen/How Angry My Father Gets

I think this happened, I think, shortly after my parents left.

I have my back seats arranged, well, strangely.  The back seat on the driver's side is put all the way down.  That way I can throw a blanket on top of it so that, when I crawl into my car to sleep for lunch at work, I can just get into the passenger seat, reach over and bring it up to the front.  Also because I need to sleep at work, I lift up the bottom of the back seat on the passenger side.  That way I can completely recline the passenger-side front seat so I can rest.  It's a perfect system.

For reasons I now forget, I had to fold down the back seat on the passenger side so that it looks normal.  (I think I did this at work, even though that's immaterial to this story.)  There is a bar on the bottom of the seat that is supposed to latch to an anchor on the floor, and for the life of me I couldn't get it to latch.  Finally, I looked at the floor ... and I saw almost a dozen bits of a pen, just strewn on the floor mat.  It wasn't just snapped in two; it was obliterated.

Seeing this, I think I realized how that came to be.  During a time when my parents were still home, I wanted to lift up the rear seat on the passenger side because I wanted to put my computer bag there.  I could have just stood it up against the laid-down seat, but I guess I was going somewhere where I wasn't completely sure my car wouldn't get broken into, so my plan was to fold up the seat, lie my laptop bag flat on the floor, and put my car shades on it so no one could see it.

I distinctly remember laying the computer bag flat with one of its pouches unzipped.  It was a pouch in which I keep my pens.  I also distinctly remember thinking I should zip it up because I don't want anything to roll out of the bag, but I thought nah, it won't happen.  Well, I'm guessing that poor pen did roll out of the bag and onto the floor, and when I grabbed my laptop bag, I didn't notice it got loose.

I don't remember this part, but I have to think that at a later day, without my knowledge, My Father put that back seat down.  That pen must have gotten into the anchor, preventing him from locking the seat in.  The only way he thought he could get it to go down and stay down was through force, so he just pushed down the seat repeatedly and violently, not knowing that the reason the seat wouldn't anchor was because that pen was in the way.  So he basically broke a pen into pieces by smashing it with the bar of a car seat.

I get the frustration.  But I'm hung up on how much force, and really how much violence, you would need to destroy a pen just because a car seat wouldn't secure.  But then again, I could see My Father being so angry to the point of using brute force to get what he wants.  I've seen it.  I've been a victim of it.  Preposterous or not, seeing those pen remnants is a reminder of how vicious My Father could be.

I will zip up the pouches on my computer bag from now on.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: United FC (Last Week: 0).  The Loons played in California three times over eleven Days ... and won all three Matches.  I honestly didn't believe they'd win any of them.  But after beating The Los Angeles Galaxy in Carson, Calif., on the 4th, they went down to San Diego and beat the IX that eliminated MNUFC last season by a 2-1 scoreline.  And they did it after giving up the FC Goal seven Minutes in.  But Kyle Duncan (who?) tied it up in the 15th, and then Nectarios Triantis danced along the endline and was able to hike the ball to Kelvin Yeboah (thank goodness he's producing, thus alleviating the team's preseason Striker problem) to give United FC the lead in the 40th they would not relinquish.  It helped even further that, one Minute into the Second Half, SDFC's Christopher McVey collected his second Yellow Card of the Match and was sent off.

U. S. Open Cup play also started for the Loons, and they had to play at The Sacramento Republic in The Round of 32.  Neither side scored, and Penalty Kicks went to twelve Rounds, but MNUFC outlasted the Republic, 9-8.  So, three Wins over two competitions?  They sit ninth in the West, so it's not as if they're flying high, but I think I can get them over negative numbers for this Week.

We begin two-a-weeks this Week: They host Portland Saturday night (it'll be cold), then they'll visit Dallas Wednesday evening.

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1).  The screening Week ended with a 9-5 Loss to Boston at Target Field that prevented a Twins sweep.  That after Minnesota won a weekend series at Toronto, which happened after the Twins beat the Tigers at home on Thursday to complete a four-Game sweep of Detroit.  That's three consecutive series victories and a 5-2 record for the Week.  And somehow, someway, they lead The American League Central Division.  It's very early, of course.  But these players have shocked the shit out of me, and because of that, I need to give them their flowers by placing them here.

The run of Pitchers they've beaten has been particularly impressive -- Tarik Skubal, Framber Valdez, Max Scherzer (even though the Hall Of Famer-to-be's best days are behind him, beating him is still a hell of a feat) and Garrett Crochet, who, on Monday, suffered his worst and shortest outing of his career, getting chased out of the Game after just 1 2/3 Inning and getting shaken down for eleven Runs (one of them Unearned).  The Lineup is raking.  And the starting rotation, with the possible exception of Simeon Woods Richardson, who was the one who got lit up yesterday/Wednesday, has been solid.  A great start so far for this young team ... which may be a smack in the face for Pohlad haters because, once again, the club is playing well after ownership refused to pay money for star players.

They have today/Thursday off, host Cincinnati for a three-Game series beginning tomorrow/Friday night, have Monday off, then have a three-Game series in Queens vs. The New York Mets starting on Tuesday.

#-2: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  Sure, they completed their regular season by beating the Rockets in Houston and The Bastard Charlotte Hornets at Target Center.  But they were already locked into the 6-Seed, so playing out the string without getting any players injured was the only goal.  I got a ticket to Sunday night's regular season finale versus New Orleans, and only Donte Divincenzo, Terrance Shannon, Jr., and maybe Joan Beringer and Joe Ingles will see playing time in the playoffs.

And they still only won by six.  Man, I want to think that the squad was just mailing it in during the regular season and now they'll turn it on.  And they've always played Denver, the team they're facing in the First Round of the NBA Playoffs, well, especially in the postseason.  But my eyes saw a frustrating, sometimes lackadaisical group of people whose play with and without the ball have fallen off.  And now we need to see how hurt Anthony Edwards and Jaden McDaniels are without them being honest with us.  I hate to say it, but the Wolves are getting eliminated by the Nuggets.  And then where will this organization be?

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2).  I wish the athletic department would announce when they adjust baseball schedules.  For example, I know, for a fact, that their weekend series at Siebert versus Washington was a weekend trio to be played Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  And yet they swapped out the Sunday Game for a Doubleheader that began Friday afternoon.  Don't get why; there was no inclement weather on Sunday.  In fact, it was sunny and hot -- perfect baseball weather.

Anyhoo, they split the Doubleheader, but the Gophers nipped the Huskies in the Saturday getaway Game, 5-4.  Then they put a hurtin' on St. Thomas at their park on Tuesday, mercy ruling the Tommies in seven Innings by a score of, wow, 24-2.  I doubt they're getting into the NCAA Tournament, but at 22-14 overall (yeah, they're 5-10 in-conference) with the ability to hit, I've seen worse from this program.

And now they face the tallest task: At the #1 team in the country, UCLA, this weekend.  They then come back home to play North Dakota St. in a one-off Tuesday.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: Positive Numbers).  Wound up their regular season 1-3 this Week, which started off with a 5-4 Loss at The Bastard North Stars in which they blew leads not once but twice.  That's bad enough (as a principle I always weigh Wins and Losses against The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0 heavier than other Games the Wild and all other local teams play), but it portends poorly for the postseason since the Wild will play The Bastard North Stars in the First Round.  (Aside: I've heard a lot of bitching about the first two Rounds of The Stanley Cup Playoffs being intra-Division because two powerful teams like Minnesota and The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0 will meet sooner than maybe they should.  I don't give a fuck.  This is how the NHL postseason was for me growing up, and I don't mind it at all.  Just fucking win, Wild.)

With this matchup set in stone since Valentine's Day, Minnesota has had time to set up their roster.  But one roiling question as they begin the series over the weekend is who to start in net.  Filip Gustavsson was the Goaltender in Monday's 6-3 shellacking in St. Louis, and a couple of the Goals, if reports are correct, should have been stopped, and easily.  Jesper Wallstedt was the Goalie in Tuesday's season finale at the Gica vs. Anaheim, and he allowed only two Goals and, by all accounts, played great.  And yet there are rumors, of fears, that Gus Bus will handle the goaltending duties for the series instead of The Wall Of St. Paul.  We'll see, won't we?

Aw, fuck it; I'll predict they'll get swept.  I don't care about the law -- the Wild refusing to embrace the legacy of The Minnesota North Stars will damn them to yet another early exit, and deservedly so.

#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -3).  We might need to start talking about how moribund the U. softball program is these days.  They were facing a ranked Washington club in Seattle, but they got swept anyway.  The softballers now sit at 6-9 in B1G play, but 14-27 overall.  They're going to miss the tournament for the third Year in a row.  And I get the feeling things aren't getting better.

Maybe some home cookin' will do them some good.  They start a seven-Game homestand with a weekend series against Nebraska, then host North Dakota for a one-off at Cowles Tuesday.

I Want To Know When I Need To Go Into Work, That's All

Now, I preface this by saying that I'm blog posting this due to unusual circumstances, namely that my co-worker is going to be out for a while because she is hurting in a big way, though I don't specifically know why or how.  One would think that would be an acceptable reason to see one's schedule change, even though that would mean a change in time you start your shift, like my job does.

But most of the time -- and again, I'm not blaming anyone, this rises only to the level of annoyance -- I don't know what I'm doing at work, and therefore I don't know what time I need to get in, sometimes until my last day of my workweek (usually Friday), and sometimes I don't know until I get in to start my workweek (usually Monday).  Beyond knowing what time I need to get in and thus knowing what time I need to set my alarm, I would want to know what I'm doing -- whether I'm doing data entry, I'm in The Third Department, or The Fourth -- before next week starts so I can get into the right frame of mind.  Each different position requires doing different things, obviously, and I want to know what I'm expected to do each day of the week before that week begins.  Again, I understand I might not know when I want to know.  Things come up, such as my co-worker being in traction for a while.  Also, my boss is real busy.

But when things change on me, I have to alter my plans.  Let me be selfish and rant here.  I was given my work schedule for this week on Friday.  There, I was supposed to come in to work early on Friday only.  And considering we have been asked to stay beyond our shift to key almost on a regular basis since, oh, the year started, my plan was to work a bit extra yesterday/Tuesday, go to the post office downtown, mail my taxes, then celebrate by going to a fancy restaurant downtown.

My co-worker being out injured switched around my entire week.  Now, my early day was, actually, yesterday/Tuesday.  And while I had to stay a bit after to get all the data entry done, I got done before the post offices (at least the ones here) closed at 5.  That meant I didn't have to pay for parking downtown to file my taxes at the downtown post office, which closes at 8.  Yeah, that could be seen as a good thing.  But I don't like it when my plans are changed for me, even if it means I could get home earlier than I thought and wouldn't have to pay for parking, which is a huge pet peeve of mine.  I spent a substantial portion of my workday wondering if I should just go to downtown anyway, even though I would be there way earlier than I thought.  Ultimately, though, the facts that I could mail my taxes before the conventional workday was over and could do it without paying for parking convinced me I should move this dinner at the fancy restaurant, which I was looking forward to, to another day.  (I also realized that the Twins were playing at Target Field last/Tuesday night.  I don't think they're getting any crowds, even though they're playing quite well right now, but I didn't want to risk any chance of losing my temper over traffic.)

However, having my evening freed up invited another opportunity I had to spend some mental bandwidth contemplating: Working out.  I haven't been to my gym in weeks, and after bellyaching over, well, my aching belly after eating so much while watching the WNBA Draft Monday night, this might be a sign that I could, and should, work out.  But I remembered I also had a plan of finishing off the two ginger beers that have been open for weeks in a dark 'n' stormy.  Not knowing what to do, I decided to go home after eating dinner at a mom-and-pop Mexican restaurant and try and sleep.  If I couldn't lose consciousness in half an hour, I'd get up and work out.  Instead, I woke up around 7:30.  I walked up and down the street for exercise instead.  And I drank my cocktail.

Still feel kind of bad I haven't gone to the community center.  But that's what happens when your work schedule changes on you.

I Make Bad Choices

So I was at this bar last/Monday night for the WNBA Draft (the Lynx will rue that they chose Miles over Fam Thiam, book it).  I wanted to stay for the whole thing, but the wings I got weren't enough for me.  So I got these "Chicken Dunkers," and when the server asked me what else I wanted to go with it, I realized I may have gotten myself way over my head, or stomach.  And lo and behold, I got this small but bountiful basket of chicken ... well, they're smaller than tenders but bigger than nuggets, put it that way.  And there were tater tots, which I chose, interspersed with those.  I finished, but barely, and now I feel fat.  Because I am fat, and I make bad choices when it comes to eating.

I was so tired after coming home I went to bed after the news.  As I was falling asleep I realized that there's a bruise on my left knee.  Have no idea where I got it from.  I didn't bang something hard at work or at the bar.  Maybe it happened spontaneously.  Maybe my body's breaking down.

I make bad choices.

Have I Passed Up A Massage For Good?

So out of the blue, ******a, my ATF from My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition), asks if I'm free tonight/Monday night.  I have been angling for a massage session since the New Year, and she kept putting it off, and frankly, I was wondering if it was ever going to happen.

She had said that she was shooting for the end of the month, so it was kind of surprising that she turned around and texts me if I were free tonight.  To be fair, she has not said specifically she was offering me a massage.  She could be offering to do something else.  I thought, because I saw her at a Lynx Game once, that she had a ticket to a WNBA Draft party at Target Center or something.  I have plans tonight, and ironically, it's watching the WNBA Draft, mostly because I wonder how it's going to shake out (I've seen four players projected to go #1) and the Lynx need to hit on #2 because they have lost almost half their squad, including starters Bridget Carleton and Alanna Smith.  But hell yeah I would ditch them if she only had time tonight to rub me down.  I tell her this, and she asks me to go on with my plans.  She might be free Friday or next Monday night.

I like that she's chill with what I've got going on.  Then again, I'm scared that I missed my chance of getting touched by her.  This is like the time I passed up on fucking ****e* because I was scared of sticking my dick in her.  Will I get another chance, or have I fucked this up because of a draft?

Tax Form Filling-Out OCD

I'm trying to finish doing my taxes, and I keep making mistakes on these forms.  Not big, mathematical ones, but, like, one digit wrong in the tens place, or writing the amount on the wrong line.  My OCD is kicking in big-time, so I keep printing out forms and doing them, only to fuck up again so I reprint more.  I have printed them out at work, which I know is frowned upon.  I also have printed them at the library, where I am typing this blog post right now, but it's 20 cents a copy, which is why I printed them at work while I was at work.

This library sometimes has free copies of the main forms, like the 1040, lying about, which is great and another reason why the Twin Cities is a good, moral place to live in.  But I fucked it up, again, and I'm tired of re-doing it, so I am just going to give the federal government the 1040 where I wrote a whole amount on the wrong line.  Even my OCD, as bad as it fucking is right now, has limits.  Besides, I just printed out another form and I think I did it completely right, so yay, me, be happy with that one win.

Downtown Thrice

I have completed the first of not one, not two, but three trips to downtown Minneapolis I will take over two days, or technically (from the time I got into downtown for my first trip in yesterday/Saturday till the time I will leave downtown for my last trip out tonight/Sunday night) about 31 hours, give or take.  It really doesn't make sense for me to hit the same place thrice in such a short amount of time, but I'm doing it.

The two times today/Sunday are the "important" times.  In the afternoon I have to go get a hard hat I won at an auction (if I explain this in a blog post, that means I've overcome my shame), and six hours later there's a Timberwolves Game for which I got a free ticket.  I will not stay in downtown Minneapolis for six hours, especially when I can work on my taxes instead.  I guess I could have skipped going to my college Game-watching bar and just listened to the Frozen Four Final on satellite radio instead, but I wanted to see it in public.

I wonder, though, if I should use the minivan in the afternoon.  I don't want to tax my car, and it seems stupid overkill to drive it to the same place twice.  Plus, I need to put the van through a more rigorous trip than just the grocery store.

Buying Wiper Blades Has Become So Complicated

Finally put on the new wiper blades I bought through Amazon yesterday/Friday.  Bought them for both my car and my parents', so there are six total blades that have been on both since ... oh, I want to say March of last year.

I bought five total.  One of them is the wrong length -- maybe (see below).  So there are two that still need to be replaced: My passenger side and the rear on the minivan (which, I want to say, has been back there for years).  Yeah, it's kind of a half-assed job seeing that two blades still need to be swapped out and I bought one that doesn't fit.  And surprisingly, Amazon wasn't much of a help; I ordered these through them before, but for some reason, like you see, I couldn't all of the right ones ordered.

It still seems strange that I would buy wiper blades through Amazon when Wal-Mart has them, so a few months ago, I went there.  I've bought a replacement or two there in the past, but this time around, things were different.  I'm going by the length of the blade, which used to be printed, in big digits, across the top of each blade package -- you know, "25," or "16," etc.  For some goddamn reason, there aren't just digits there anymore.  Some of them have a letter in front, and then a dash, and then what appears to be the length of the blade, and then some of them have a dash and yet another number after it.  What the fuck, man?  I just want a blade that fits my car, and they're complicating it, and I know it doesn't have to be.

About that blade I may have ordered by mistake: It's 13 inches long, and I swear I was told that is the length of my car's passenger-side wiper.  But I have seen in other places that it's actually 14 inches.  And believe me or not, the manufacturer can't give me a straight answer, and Google can't aggregate the websites that will tell me definitively whether it's supposed to be 13" or 14".  I looked through the links, and I see both lengths given.  Can it be either?  That seems dangerous to me.

Maybe it's my fault for not writing the lengths down.  But damn, they're just wiper blades.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: March 2026

I have to admit that since the last Hooters in the state closed a few weeks ago, I haven't looked forward to reviewing the Hooters calendar as much.  It seems kind of pointless to point out which Hooters babes are the hottest when I can't see the real thing at the Mall Of America.  But I am duty-bound by my OCD to do this until the end of the year.  And you know, it's gonna be a bit funny to not do these breastaurant calendar reviews after this year ... unless Twin Peaks moves into the Hooters space, like I'm guessing it could.

Anyway, I have looked at all baker's dozen waitresses, and I'm very, very aroused by this month.  And I'm not saying that just because March is my birthday month.  OK, maybe I am a bit.  As you could probably imagine, because it's the month of St. Patrick's Day, many of the girls here are dressed in green, which happens to be my favorite color (probably because March is my birthday month, also granted).  But with all those caveats, I will list eight Hooters servers who caught my eye.

In eighth place is Erica, hailing out of St. Peters, Mo.  Long blonde hair, in a two-piece green bikini (you know, just to save myself some time and finger strokes, assume the Hooters woman is wearing a two-piece green bikini unless I describe what she's wearing).  Nothing else striking about her, but she's directly facing the camera.  Also, since she works in the St. Louis area, I want to think I would be able to have her sign my calendar if I went down there on vacation -- "if" being the operative word since I don't plan on going anywhere big or far on vacation until this current administration is deposed.

In seventh place is Haley, from Hialeah, Fla.  Long, dark brown (maybe black) hair.  She seems to be sitting between two walls made out of logs.  She's also posed three-quarters to the camera, which deprives us of her whole body.  But she's pulling up the sides of her bikini bottom, plus I just noticed that she has (or seems to have) thick hips.  Don't see that every day on a Hooters girl.

In sixth place is Mia, of Weston, Fla.  Curling, dirty blonde hair reaches down to her small tits.  She's also doing the bottom tug thing.  (Come to think of it, most of the waitresses here are doing that.)  Like I said, she's got a petite body.  She looks 18.  But that youth and innocence -- assuming she's of age! -- is really cute to see serving you wings.

In fifth place is Mia, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Think Zendaya.  With curly dark (probably black, possibly brown) hair, she is not wearing a green bikini.  Instead, she's wearing a light blue/periwinkle two-piece.  She's facing almost directly at the cam.  She's got that vertical slit on her stomach, a sign of a slim, lithe body.  Also, she's tugging a bit on the right side of her bottom down.  Forty years ago, that would mean a glimpse of her pussy hair.

In fourth place is Cass, from Buford, Ga.  Light blonde hair that cascades halfway down her body.  Don't know why in the hell she's holding a life preserver.  But she is sporting a red, one-piece, old-school bikini, and it's slit so low down to her stomach that you get a good shot of her left sideboob.  And with her hair thrown over her right shoulder, she looks absolutely gorgeous.

In third place is Karli, out of North Charleston, S C.  Long, jet black hair.  She's directly facing the camera.  She's not so much tugging her bikini bottom so much as pinching the right side of it with her fingers.  She's wearing a belly chain, ooh-la-la.  And you can tell that her tits are fake, but frankly, those bolt-ons look so good on her, I don't care!

Before I proceed with the top two, I want to remind you again that March is the month of St. Patrick's Day.  St. Patrick obviously is from Ireland, and Ireland is known for its redheads.  Thus, you would figure that Hooters would put redheaded Hooters girls in the calendar for March.  And I am a sucker, if not a whore, for redheads, so the two gingers in March '26 complete this list.  Ironically, though, neither of them are wearing anything green, even though that would make sense for the month.  That green and red would also provide, in my humble opinion, a sexy contrast (or would they be complementary to each other?) that has powered many of my sexual fantasies.

In second place, also hailing out of Mesa, Ariz., is Brittany.  She is knee-deep in a pool.  She mostly has her left side flashing toward the camera, which isn't great, but I see a tiny shot of her bikini bottom, and it's cut enough that I think I would see at least half of her ass.  She too throws her long hair over her right shoulder, and that combination, plus her slight grin, makes for an unstoppable picture.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Emma, from ... oh, what a coinky-dink, she's from Mesa, Ariz., too!!!  She is wearing a black, cut-through Hooters tank top and black Hooters bikini bottoms, the left side of which she is grabbing.  Most of her right side is facing the photographer, but that means you can see her left sideboob.  You can also tell she is wearing a (presumably Hooters-themed) bikini top, which is a bummer because I would rather not see anything underneath her tank top.  But she is arching her back to emphasize her hot torso.  She looks sexy posing with pursed lips.  And she has thrown her long hair over her left shoulder.  This photograph is just fucking sex personified, not gonna lie.

So congratulations to Emma, and the other seven hot women comprising an excellent March 2026.  And don't worry -- I already jerked off to y'all!!!

Expenses Without Receipt

Starting from Thursday, April 9:

• Well, we should really start on Easter, aka Sunday, April 5, when I went out to the Heights to finally see Psycho.  Man, that shower scene is killer.  Ticket, popcorn, pop and tip: $26.
• Later that evening *****y whacked me off.  I wanted to see her on Easter because she is a regular churchgoer and I find it somewhat ironic that she goes to church and then later that day she gives me an HJ for money, specifically: $150.
• Friday, April 3: I didn't expect to spend money, but Father wanted Powerball tickets, so out I went.  And because I have to stick to my rule of spending cash or using credit cards on a least two things in a day, I decided that I wasn't going to have veggie chips and veggie dip for dinner and instead try a mom-and-pop Latin American restaurant.  There are a few places around here that are recommended.  But they were closed by the time I went out -- I stayed to listen to the end of the South Carolina-UConn women's college basketball Semifinal and in particular Geno Auriemma's meltdown at Dawn Staley -- so I went to a place that was open but fell just below 4 1/2 stars on Google Maps: Que Taco.  Not bad.  I got their birria tacos, and they are the biggest tacos I've seen around the area yet.  Wanted to use the bathroom, but they cordoned that part of the restaurant off with chairs and a mop wringer bucket.  Might go there again if only because it's open when I want to nightcrawl.  I have the receipt, so this EWR is for just the tip: $2.
• Now we go back to Sunday, March 29, where I laid into ****e.  She was unstable on this day, sadly.  She called me while I was still driving to her place asking me where the hell I am.  Her cock-sucking wasn't as on point as it has been in the past.  And after we got done fucking and I laid in bed all tuckered out, she took my underwear and socks and placed them in a pile next to what what was either clothes she was going to launder or trash she was going to throw away.  I was glad I was getting dressed before she did anything to it.  But when I grabbed my boxers, I saw that they were right above a wad of either wet toilet paper or paper towels either she cleaned up the bathroom with or I used to wipe up all my cum.  There was a huge wet spot on the boxers, and I needed to wear them because I was going to a brewery afterward.  I asked ****e if I could use a hair dryer, and that did the trick.  But this is the first time something like this happened.  Whatever; I'm thinking of seeing her again next weekend.  Price: $120.
• So this brewery is doing this thing where I could bring in a Minnesota United jersey and they would remove the Target logo in the front and replace it with the Rebel Loon, a symbol of the Twin Cities' resilience and defiance in the wake of this Republican government's oppression earlier in the year.  I waited and had an early dinner and beer while they were hacking my replica Loons jersey.  But for some reason I couldn't use my card to pay for this service.  Thankfully I had enough cash on me to do it: $30.
• Back further to Monday, March 23, the date of my alma mater getting their butts handed to them by South Carolina.  Our Game-watching bar charges extra when you pay by credit card, so I now pay by cash as often as I can, and I did so on this night.  With tip: $40.
• Sunday the 22nd was the last day Hotters at The Mall Of America was open.  Sad, sad day.  Glad I got there when I did; they got so busy, and they got so cleaned out, that they closed their doors at 6 even though they usually close on Sundays at 10, I think.  Oh, and when I asked if there was any food available, my Hooters girl said they still had burger patties.  Not burger buns, but patties.  And shit, I almost ordered one.  But I settled on my Big Daddy-size Bud Light and the two shirts they still had on sale.  Didn't think I wanted such memorabilia, but when one shirt was only five bucks and another server came around saying the other shirt, really a cancer-themed crop top, was only a buck, well, I had to jump at the chance.  My last total I spent at the Megamall MOA, with tip: $40.
• And on my way out I think I saw a Girl Scout Cookies stand.  That's where I bought the Lemonades.  Glad it was a Girl Scout who did the sale and not her mom; these kids are supposed to learn how to sell and do business, right?  Paid: $6.
• Back to Saturday, March 14 ... a fellow alumni's kid is in this covers rock band.  The band is really good, and I saw on Facebook that they were playing at a brewpub close to me.  I stayed there until the snowstorm everyone was dreading started to look really bad.  But before I left I left tips for the young whippersnappers: $4.
• Shit, man, now we're really going back ... to Sunday, February 22, in fact, when I went to the Heights for the first time since I think the theater got new owners.  I went to see Battleship Potemkin, a silent film classic I have wanted to see for a long time.  It was accompanied by a solo musician who played the piano.  What I wasn't expecting was her to use a snare drum and a crash cymbal.  I have seen a silent film once or twice with a full band, but never have I heard percussion used -- but it was a very, very welcomed new experience.  Paid for the ticket with my credit card, so this total is for the popcorn, pop, and tipping the concession stand: $13.
• On Saturday the 21st I got a shave from the local barber school.  The person shaving me acted like he didn't give a shit, so I didn't give much of a tip.  See, this is why I'm willing to pay five times as much to get my face shaved.  Or, maybe I should just do it myself again.  With tip: $12.
• For Valentine's Day I went to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Version) to see my ATF.  Where else would I go on February 14?  So glad she was there working; she had said she didn't know if she was going to take the day off.  Cover, tips, drinks from me and ******a and 20 table dances from her ... well, I see that I didn't write the total amount down after I left the club, so I'm just going to pull an amount out of my ass and say that I spent: $230.
• Sunday, February 8: Went to Grandpa Joe's (formerly Blue Sun Soda Shop) to get some premium ginger beer and ginger ale for the cocktails I wanted to make.  I also grabbed a bottle of RC and a bottle of root beer from some company.  Six bottles that cost: $14.33.
• I think later that day, *****y came over to wank me: $150.
• Finally, on Sunday, February 1, ******e came over to wank me: $120.

Yes, I keep saying this: I need to do these more frequently.  Done through April 9.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Positive Numbers: Wild (Last Week: -2).  There's very little chance they're going to move from their slot of third in the Central in which they've been in since what seems like The Gilded Age.  And I still have a bad feeling they're going to fall flat on their faces in The Stanley Cup Playoffs.  But I have to acknowledge they're playing as good as they have all season, and it's even better that they appear to be ramping up just as the postseason is starting, which is the best way to go into the postseason.

They had a busy penultimate Week to the regular season with four Games, but they won all four.  They had a close Win Sunday, winning in Detroit, 5-4, but smashed the other three contests (home to Vancouver Thursday, at Ottawa Saturday, and home to Seattle Tuesday) by three-Goal margins.  And, to be fair, they are only two Points behind The Bastard North Stars for second.  And it just so happens that they face off in Dallas tonight/Thursday night.  That begins a final three-Game road trip that continues in Nashville Saturday and finishes in St. Louis Monday.  Finally, the last tilt of the regular season is the next night, home versus Anaheim.  They could finish with home ice for the First Round series vs. The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0.  Not too shabby.

#0: United FC (Re-Entry!).  Didn't think it would happen, so kudos to the Loons for finally winning on the road for the first time all Year, and doing it in Carson, Calif., against glamour team The Los Angeles Galaxy.  Anthony Markanich scored the first Goal.  Marco Reus tied it up for the Galaxy, but Nectarios Triantis fed an endline pass to Kelvin Yeboah for the Match-winner.  It is also only the second MNUFC victory at the Galaxy ever.

They still have a grueling portion of the schedule to get through.  They continue out west where they play San Diego FC, the team that bumped United FC out of the playoffs last season.  I wonder if the XI came back home before flying back out west. ...

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -4).  This organization they were so disinterested in winning that home fans have stayed away from Target Field for the first homestand of the Year (the cold weather doesn't help).  So of course that would be the time when the club's merry band of youngsters and never-weres rise up and score a 5-2 screening Week.  The most impressive Win by a country mile was Tuesday's, when they defeated the Tigers at home, 4-2.  Back-to-back defending American League Cy Young Champion Tarik Skubal was on the mound for Detroit, and he struck out seven Twins batters.  But he got chased in the Fifth Inning and got the Loss.  Skubal issued his first two Walks of the season.  Moreover, he got upstaged by ... Taj Bradley, the Pitcher the Twins picked up from Tampa in exchange from Griffin Jax at the Trade Deadline last Year.  He went 6 1/3 Innings, walked none and fanned ten.  Could pitching performances like that be enough for the Twins fanbase to come back to the stadium and pay good money to the Pohlads, who'll only pocket the cash?

They go for the sweep of the Tigers this/Thursday afternoon.  They then travel to Toronto for three over the weekend.  They then come back to host Boston for a trio beginning Monday.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -5).  Dropped the three-Game series at Iowa, although both defeats on Saturday and Sunday afternoon were only by one Run.  They took out their frustrations on South Dakota St., whom they destroyed, 16-7, at Siebert last/Wednesday night.

This Week: A Trio at home against Washington for three, then the return home-and-home date with St. Thomas Tuesday afternoon.

#-3: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  Caught a glimpse of the last Out(s) of Minnesota's 10-1, five-Inning, Mercy Rule verdict on cable in a bar and, quite frankly, I like the fight in these players.  Can they keep it up with a three-Game series at Washington?

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -3).  While the Wild have been soaring, the Woofie Dogs have been sinking.  A 1-3 Week featuring a Win at Indiana against a Pacers team that had none of their most frequent starting 5 playing.  That victory clinched at least sixth place in the West, aka an actual playoff spot.  But golly, Jaden McDaniels played through a concussion and Anthony Edwards is still out, and may not be 100% by the time the Wolves need him.

Their season ends this screening Week.  They finish a three-Game roadie with a road date against Houston tomorrow/Friday night.  They then host The Bastard Charlotte Hornets Sunday night ... and then that's it for the regular season.

My God, I am so tired.  And I have been tired around this time of night (which is after midnight) for the past week or so.  What's causing this?  Spring forward got implemented a month ago, and sometimes I react negatively with changes at work, so I don't think my recent inability to stay up has anything to do with that.  But what is it?  I don't know.  All I know is I am too tired to blog post anything more than what you are seeing right now.

I Need To Stop Worrying About Bad Things That Might Happen And Instead Celebrate The Good Things That Actually Happen

Had to call Mother last/Monday night because there were a lot of bills that came in.  There were also a couple letters I thought she needed to know.  One of them dealt with a credit card that is about to close if my parents don't use them soon.  She told me to put it in a bag for mail she needs to look at "When she comes back home."  And I realized that it's been three months since they left and, even though I believe them when they say they're going to stay out in Las Vegas a little longer than they usually do, eventually they are going to come back.  And that makes me sad.  Not only have I not done a damn thing in regards to going through all my stuff, but I like living here on my own, as I usually do when they're wintering.  Them coming back, whenever that is, truly feels like an invasion of privacy.  And I will rue the day when they tell me they're returning here.

But I get down like that even though I don't know when that'll be -- or, and maybe I'm thinking wishfully, if they come back.  I know I need to look at the bright side -- very bright side in the case of Michigan winning the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament later last night.  That means I have won about a grand in this big bracket pool I've competed in for the past two decades.  While I always play hoping I would win, never in my wildest dreams would I think I could beat out almost 1,300 entries to place, get this, fourth.  Sure, I would have rather won and pocketed the five-figure jackpot along with it.  But I was much, much closer to the bottom for last year's Big Dance.  Honestly, I am more proud of myself for finishing in 4th place in this than getting my degree.

That's something worth celebrating, and if I celebrate hard enough, I'll forget that one day, and maybe soon, my parents will come back home.

RIP, Taco Bell Near Me

So two weeks ago, after seeing my alma mater fall to South Carolina in the NCAA Women's Basketball Tournament, I drove home.  Sometimes I take a path home that takes me past the closest gas station to my home.  Can't complain about the gas station.  It has a Taco Bell there that I go to all the time.

Well, had.  I think it was the weekend where I actually went to this gas station because I wanted to get some Taco Bell.  And it shocked the shit out of me when I saw one of those industrial-sized dumpsters.  I then noticed that all the Taco Bell signage is gone, completely.

This was coming.  The gas station was a Holiday, but several years ago (I don't know exactly how many), it was sold to Casey's Retail Company, so the Holiday became a Casey's.  They are well known for making and selling their own food under their own Casey's brand.  But even after the changeover and makeover, the Taco Bell was still operating in the left half of the building housing the now Casey's.

I heard the story of how this happened shortly after the changeover when I grabbed some Taco Bell by eavesdropping on a conversation between a Taco Bell worker and a customer who may have been his or her friend.  Taco Bell had a lease for this location.  When Holiday Stationstores or Couche-Tard, the company that acquired Holiday Stationstores, sold this particular gas station to Casey's, they did so on the condition that Taco Bell would be able to stay through the life of its lease.  The Taco Bell employee did not know how long that lease lasted, however.  Well, I guess that lease ran out two weeks ago.

This closing seemed fast.  I got home late that Monday, and Taco Bell drive-thrus are usually open late every night.  So I want to think that late Monday night (technically Tuesday morning) was the very last day they were open.  Casey's then shut everything down and cleaned out the entire Taco Bell (including appliances and tables -- seriously, I went into the gas station yesterday/Sunday and there's absolutely nothing there).  I absolutely marvel at how fast they emptied the place of any and all Taco Bell life.  But they can also completely replace that space with Casey's restaurant just as fast, at least I am convinced they could, and it's been completely empty for two weeks.

Is there something wrong?  I would think that Casey's was biding its time before the lease ended so they could then sweep in, clean house, and put up their own signage and equipment.  So, where are the tables and chairs -- and breakfast pizza Casey's is known for?  In the meantime, I am going to miss this Taco Bell.  It is the closest fast food place to me, so I relied on it for dinner and lunch many, many times over the years.  And now it's gone, just like many other places I believed would continue to exist.

Rest In Peace, TB.

Giving The Van A Little Love, I Guess

I now think I remember what I was going to originally blog post about yesterday/Saturday afternoon.

So I brought in my parents' minivan last week.  I have no idea what maintenance Father did or did not have on it before my folks left, so I just assumed I should not trust him and asked for an oil change and a tire rotation.  This was also the time to find out if there's anything more to the exhaust smoke I saw coming out the passenger side of the van earlier in the year.  And finally, if there was anything else the mechanics saw, let me know; I might get it fixed.

Well, they never said anything about the oil looking fresh, so they changed the oil and rotated the tires.  The exhaust was something; they showed me that there is a hole in the muffler.  But this is one of those cases where one thing could lead to another.  They could replace the muffler for a grand, but they would then have to disassemble the whole exhaust system, and the mechanic was afraid some other part that is closer to the front of the car would get loose or break off, and that would mean, at the very least, three more thousand dollars.  That is one repair that I will not have fixed.

But, while looking around, the mechanic saw that the stabilizer link, whatever that is, on the passenger-side front tire was broken.  To level with you all, the mechanic(s) described its, uh, brokenness in vague and relatively benign terms -- "You'll feel it bounce over bumpy roads," one of them said.  He made it sound like it wasn't worth fixing, frankly.  He gave me the same advice, and in the same tone, when he advised me not to fix the muffler.  But honestly, I felt a little guilty saying no over the muffler -- not to the mechanics, but to the car.  Yes, I'm treating the minivan like it's a living creature.  But I feel guilty that I won't fix what appears to be a major issue because it's just too damn expensive.  And in exchange, I want to "make it up to the car," and throw some money at some repairs to make it run better.  And the van still runs well.  I think it'd make it up north, even though I dare not do it.  I think having a second car around is a good idea, and I will spend some money for its upkeep, just not a few thousand dollars in one heap.  Several hundreds dollars, though?  I said yes, even against what seems to be the advice of the mechanics who spent only half an hour switching out these stabilizer links or whatever.

Am I a fool?  Sure.  But I want to let my car that I still care for it, even a little.

I Continue To Miss Soccer Goals

I've started my day on Apple TV watching the MLS Toronto-Colorado Match while thinking up what I want to blog post about.  And with the Rapids up 2-0 and this being, well, soccer, I let my attention wander, both to my phone and also to this laptop.

I have spoken before about missing Goals because I was looking at my phone.  Well, Toronto scored while I was looking at my lap (specifically theoretical high-speed rail networks in the Midwest), then they tied it up while I was looking at my The Athletic app.  And I'll be goddamned: That is when I finally got the inspiration to blog post, and as I started this blog post, TFC scored again to take a 3-2 lead.

This would have been a sensational Game to pay attention to.  Instead, I saw none of the three Goals of this comeback, and right now, I want to kill myself.

Yellow Poles? For Me?

Weirdest thing when I got home from work last/Friday night.  I noticed that the screen door was opened.  Then I saw a bunch of plastic thin yellow rods propping up the door.  And no, I didn't buy them from Amazon.

Freaking out at this "gift" left for me, I ran to the door.  It was a half-dozen stakes -- you know, things you would put in the ground of your front yard to let you know where your gas and water lines are.  But why in the hell would they piled up against my front door?  And backing up here, what the hell are they?  It looks like the closest thing they could be are like these reflective driveway poles.  I think a part of each rod, close to one end, is painted white, and it's that white part that is supposed to reflect light from a headlight to guide a driver onto the driveway.

Or something.  I didn't take a close look at them because I didn't know why in the hell would someone leave those for me.  It's not like they were lying around my front yard.  Who would even think to give these to me?  That's why I'm still suspicious as hell why they're there.  And yet ... well, these things might come in handy.  I don't know for what, but they might.  So I threw them over my side door.  I'll get around to them when I have the time and if I am no longer scared as to why and how they got to my front door.

Seriously, though -- who would give me these ... yellow poles?  Is this a set-up of some sort?

Fucking Sister's Fucking Mad At Me

So on Tuesday I was downtown at our college Game-watching bar watching the Match for the final World Cup spot between Iraq and Bolivia (the Iraqis won) when I got a text from WhatsApp.  My sister texted me a picture of a piece of mail she got ... and it was in my name.  I don't live where she lives -- how in the hell is my name on a piece of mail sent to my sister's place?

So I texted her, not really upset as she was, I soon realized.  I was hanging out by myself watching some important soccer, so I texted back something innocuous but showing that I am empathizing with her.  That conversation petered out, though, so after I got home and then when I woke up Wednesday morning I thought I would check up on her.  "Do you need me to do anything?" I basically asked, to which she replied, "No, just stop talking about it."  Now I know she's mad about this, and I have to now understand whether she is mad at me.  So I ask her, and she says, "Yes, but stop talking about it."

Well, fuckin' A.  She obviously is upset that my name appears on a piece of mail (junk mail she said -- she threw it away) that has my name on it.  I don't know why or how that happened.  But it's dawned on me that she blames me for this. I texted her, both Tuesday night and Wednesday, how she wants me to help solve this.  But telling me to stop talking about it isn't solving a goddamn thing.  She just shut me down, and not only is that not productive, but it's pretty damn hurtful, too.  She won't let me fix this, so the only thing I can think of as to why she is acting like this is because she's mad at me and she wants to stay mad at me.

I thought for a long, long time to just end the conversation by giving her the middle finger emoji.  Shit, I'm still thinking about giving her that.  But I have to look to the long term, stop needing to have the last word, and not do anything that could really, really piss her off, even though by what she said she's already plenty pissed.

We have very occasional blow-ups.  I don't remember the last time she was this upset with me.  But whenever we do, it's a damn knock-down drag-out.  She can be extremely petty and unreasonable, and in turn, I decide I need to be defensive.  So, instead of giving her the finger, I didn't come back on her at all.  In fact, I muted her on WhatsApp.  And I would mute her on Facebook too if I knew how to do that without blocking her entirely.

I hate how she's making me feel.  Out of all the family members, I'm the closest to her.  She's the only one I think I can be honest and even a bit vulnerable with.  I think she understands me more than the others.  But I don't understand her right now, and I have spent a long, long time since this "exchange" thinking about what she thinks of me right now and when all of this is going to be over.  I'm trying to help, but her silent treatment is making me angry because I don't deserve that.  And I really, really don't know how in the fuck my name got on a piece of junk mail sent to her place.

This fucking sucks.  I feel like the black sheep of this family, but moreso now that I'm fighting with the only family member I am on good terms with.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  On the whole, this screening Week has been very lackluster.  In fact, of all the local teams in action, I feel best about one that had their season end; that's below.

And yet the clear best team this Week are the Gopher softballers, who won their series at Cowles over Illinois over the weekend (despite getting bludgeoned in the middle Game Saturday, 14-6).  They've nosed over .500 in the B1G ... but if you can do that, you shouldn't be losing to smaller programs, and yet the U. did at St. Thomas yesterday/Wednesday afternoon, and by a score of 7-2.  Seriously?

They host Ohio St. for a three-Game series.  And I find this pretty odd -- the series goes from Saturday to Monday afternoon.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -4).  Sure, they're just about assured of a First Round playoff series versus The Bastard North Stars, and they probably won't have home ice, but can you see this team doing anything with the way they're playing right now?  They managed to scrape by Florida, beating the two-time defending Stanley Cup champs (who now sit in last place in The Atlantic Division) 3-2 Thursday at Sunrise, but got doubled up at Boston on Saturday, 6-3.  This team looks tired, so having several Days off before resuming at home versus Vancouver, The Worst Team In The NHL, could be a nice reset.  But they'll be busy with about two Weeks left in the Regular Season; they travel to Ottawa and Detroit this weekend back-to-back, then come back to face Seattle Tuesday.  How about some consistency, boys?

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0).  The thought that they could spark to life and gain momentum to end the season is rapidly fading, what with a 22-Point ass-kicking at home on Saturday to leaders of the East, Detroit, and no, winning by 30 at Dallas on Monday means little to nothing.  They currently sit in sixth place in The Western Conference by 4 1/2 Games above Phoenix, so getting pulled into the Play-In probably is no longer a concern.  But Denver is in fourth place by 2 Games, and there are less than two Weeks left in the Regular Season.  And now, not only is Anthony Edwards still rounding back into shape (and missing the start of Games because he needed to take a shit), now Jaden McDaniels is out from week to week with an injury.  The mojo isn't there with this team, and so the expectation that they're contenders is quickly becoming a delusion.

Holy fuck: They have a five-Game screening Week.  It starts punishingly, with visits to Detroit and Philadelphia tonight/Thursday night and tomorrow/Friday night.  They come home to face Charlotte Sunday evening, then have another Eastern Conference back-to-back on the road, namely Indiana and Orlando, Tuesday and Wednesday night.

#-4: Twins (NEW SEASON!).  Whoo, baseball's back!  And whoo-whoo, the Twinks are already 1-4, whoo-whoo!!  I could break down the upcoming season, but who cares?  They have three established guys of note: Byron Buxton, Joe Ryan, and Pablo Lopez.  Lopez is out for the beginning of the season.  I and many others would bet good money that both Lopez and Ryan will be traded in the middle of the season.  There are a bunch of youngsters trying to figure things out with the big ballclub, none of whom move the needle and capture the imaginations of Twins fans to make them think he's the next Kirby Puckett.  I swear that the Pohlads could sell the team right now to someone in Nashville and we would be like, "See ya!  Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out!"  So who cares what they're going to do now?

And tomorrow's/Friday's Home Opener might not start due to rain!  No one's going to show up to see them because they suck, and now more people might not show up because they might not even play it!  Serves them right this could be the most embarrassing home opener in the history of the franchise!!!  Whoo-whoo-whoo!!!

#-5: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Got swept at home to Ohio St.  Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!!!  The baseballers are now 2-7 in-conference, so this season feels lost already.

This Week: At Iowa for three, then have a one-off vs. South Dakota St. at Siebert Field on Wednesday.  The weird thing is all times for First Pitch is listed at two Minutes after the Hour.  Two?  Is this some sort of promotional thing?

#-Infinity (tie): Gopher women's basketball and Gopher wrestling (Last Week, respectively: Positive Numbers and Re-Entry!).  OK, so the Gopher women's b-ball team got routed by UCLA Friday by 24 in Sacramento.  Not saying it's not a big deal -- all seasons that end short of a championship are, in its most distilled essence, failures -- but we all knew it was going to happen.  And like I said last Week, this is what I could have hoped for for this program before the Year began, and what I expected as the team finally founds itself during conference play.  The recruits Lindsay Whalen brought in, Amaya Battle most notably, were finally developed because of Dawn Plitzuweit, and this season the results came through.  So this is the proof of concept that there is a plan and it could work.  These are the roots from which hopefully blooms even stronger and better recruits and yields greater outcomes for next Year and beyond.  You never know what will happen, but at the risk of getting ahead of myself, this program is finally looking good for the immediate future.

In the meantime I forgot to talk about the NCAA (men's) wrestling championships back on March 21.  Minnesota as a whole finished an irrelevant ninth place.  But maybe I shouldn't be so hard on the entire team; Penn St. won the title again, so as of now, every other school is as irrelevant as the U.

But, one Golden Gopher won an individual championship.  Max McEnelly, out of Waconia, won the NCAA title at 184 Pounds.  And he did it as the third-ranked wrestler at the weight and upsetting the top-ranked wrestler, Rocco Welsh out of, natch, Penn St., 4-3.  According to the U. athletic department, McEnelly's individual title is the 25th in Gopher wrestling history (won by 19 Gophers total); it's the first individual championship for Minnesota since the great Gable Steveson won back-to-back at Heavyweight in 2021 and 2022; and it's the first title won at a weight other than Heavyweight since Jayson Ness at 133 Pounds back in 2010.  At least that's something.

We could get not one, not two, but three shots of winter weather this week ... and there are chances for ice in all of them, beginning tonight/Wednesday night?  Yeah, fuck winter, and fuck ice.  And oh yeah, fuck ICE, too.  I gotta go to bed.