#-1 (tie): Wild and Timberwolves (Last Week, respectively: -4 and -1). I'll keep this short and sweet, mostly because I'm tired and I have to get up early in the morning. Both winter pro sports teams have managed to get 3-2 leads in their respective series, they both get a chance to win their series at home, and they both attempt to do it tonight/Thursday night. Honestly, I was dreading that both teams would get eliminated on the same night. But both teams advancing on the same night? Posh! Of course, this sets up the dreaded possibility that both teams lose and face a Game 7 and oblivion on the road. But for this time, I will try and be positive, and I will perch both clubs in the top spot in the hopes that they'll make Thursday, April 30, 2026, one of the most memorable days in Minnesota sports history.
By the way, while I was going to the Band Of Horses concert tonight, my friend texted me saying he has two tickets to the Timberwolves Game I could have. I accepted. I will either get to celebrate a fantastic series Win ... or see my local basketball team fuck this up. Lord, I hope I don't make a mistake.
#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3). With the exception of women's lacrosse, if you're a Big Team on a losing streak, the best thing to break that is to face fucking Northwestern. The male Gopher Nine did so over the weekend, and the swept the Wildcats by a combined score of 27-6. The U. mercy-ruled Northwestern on Friday's opener at Siebert, 13-1 in seven Innings. That beatdown mentality carried over to Tuesday, where they slaughtered St. Thomas at home by a score of 12-1, also in seven Innings. I highly doubt this changes their NCAA Tournament chances, but this squad have won five in a row.
At Penn St. for three this weekend.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2). A couple Weeks ago, when it looked as though the Twins regulars have sorted things out and have begun to fight like a real team, I was ready to believe these guys were at least somewhat for real. This organization has managed to surprise the fanbase with overachieving bands of nobodies many times over the years. Alas, the cynics appear to be right in thinking the Twinks are who they thought they were, going 1-6 this screening Week which includes a three-Game sweep at Tampa. The Bullpen has been absolute shit lately, including yesterday/Wednesday afternoon's 5-3 Loss at Target Field to Seattle where the Twinks held a 3-2 lead heading into the top of the ninth Inning, but some dude named Eric Orze got shaken down for three Runs that gave the Mariners the victory.
The 13-18 Twinks host Toronto for four this weekend, then travel to Washington to face The Bastard Montreal Expos for three starting Tuesday.
#-4: United FC (Last Week: 0). The unbeaten streak the Loons enjoyed has ended with a mighty thud. On Saturday afternoon, with James Rodriguez making his first start for MNUFC, they lost at Allianz Field to LAFC, 1-0, in a battle between teams tied for third place in the West on Points. I remember once hearing, I believe, British soccer play-by-play man Derek Rae say, after Russia upset Spain in Penalty Kicks in the 2018 World Cup, "You have to remember that football, at its very core, is a stupid Game." Minnesota United had the ball almost 62% of the time, they got 23 shot attempts, and their xG was almost at 2. Meanwhile, David Martinez scored in the ninth Minute by an impossibly acute angle, and that's why Laugh-See won. It almost makes one question why they're a season-ticketholder.
The Loons continue their strangely long streak of playing West Coast teams by visiting a suddenly game San Jose club Tuesday night for a U. S. Open Cup Round of 16 tie. And, unfortunately, they were eliminated from that combination by a 4-2 score. Oh, well; at least I won't feel pressured to buy tickets for any U. S. Open Cup Matches at home anymore.
They're at Columbus Saturday evening.
#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -4). Alright, something with this program simply isn't working. Not after Wisconsin came to Cowles and swept the Goofers by a combined 16-4 score. What a way to end the home portion of your regular season, huh?
The end of the season can't come fast enough, but luckily for these softballers, it'll end this weekend with a trio at Northwestern.
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