Spit On My Scarf

I was going to the the MNUFC Match yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  I still love autumn, but the colder weather is stuffing up my nose, and so I am spitting up more often.  I know it's a bad-looking habit, but I still spit on the ground, and I really had to spit because my nose was all stuffed up.

I found a sewer grate (I try and aim my spit through the grates; I usually fail) and was about to spit.  I still love autumn, but I notice that it often gets windy this season.  So I spit onto the grate just as the wind picks up and picks up one end of the scarf I was wearing, and goddammit, I spit onto my scarf.  First time I've ever done that.

I tried dabbing it with tissues and towels, but I now have to clean it to get my spit out, ick.  And that means I need to figure out if I can machine-wash the scarf.  If not, I'll have to learn how to hand-wash these things.  I want to start cleaning my ballcaps, so I'm glad that I just bought a stain brush and a mesh bag for laundry in case that's the only way I should clean my scarf.  Right now, I feel an intense urge to wash that thing to get the spit out of it, but I wonder if that urge will dissipate after those items are delivered.  Regardless -- fucking itck, spit on my scarf. ...  Shit, why didn't I hold the ends of my scarf down to make sure I don't spit onto it?!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2026

A baker's dozen this month, and while I will only point out three (still way too many Hooters women being told to put on a crop top over a bikini top to my liking), those three are way, way above most servers I have pointed out in months past.  In fact, my #1 here may be an all-timer.

In third place is Kianna, coming out of Roswell, Ga.  She is sporting both wavy brown hair and a tiger print two-piece.  She is just about standing straight at the camera, and she's doing that thing where she's pulling up her bikini bottom.  But the most striking thing about her are her impressive abs.  I ... would consent to her do things to me because of her abs.

In second place is, um, Kiana (only one "n"), hailing from Odessa, Fla.  Straight black hair, she is pictured in a pink and deep purple floral two-piece bikini print.  She is sitting poolside, and posing with her right side toward the camera.  She also is slightly pulling her right bikini top.  Not the best pose, but posing almost perpendicular to the camera means we get a shot of her ass ... kinda.  OK, maybe a peep.  See, I can see a smidgen of the top part of the back of her bikini bottom, and from little I can see, it's, well, little enough that I believe that, if we saw her whole ass, we would be able to see, maybe, 80-5% of her ass.  But I'm just extrapolating.  I can't see it.  Now, you may remember that I once had an overriding rule that any Hooters waitress that shows off her ass floats to the top of my list.  You may also remember that I have modified that rule whereby that only holds true if I can actually see that bare ass.  I might be splitting the baby here.  Frankly, I might be giving her too much of the benefit of the doubt.  But the extrapolation alone is enough for me to put her, and her picture, in second place.

In first place is The Main Girl, Camila, of Tucson, Ariz.  She has straight brown hair, and in this photo, it's wet and slicked back.  She's wearing a black two-piece with a sporty bikini top.  She's posing in or next to a shed with a surfboard behind her, and she's grabbing at what looks like an orange on a shelf with another orange just behind the orange she's grabbing at.  It's a weird setting.  But she's posing with her right side at the camera, she's grabbing her bikini bottom with her right hand ... and she's swung her ass enough to the camera that you can clearly see she's wearing a thong.  Her really fine ass is mostly pointing to the left, but you can clearly see both cheeks, and nearly all of her ass is exposed for the world to see.  Goddamn, she's making me hard now. I've been staring at it all month.  I want to take out my hard cock and lance that ass.  Add her come-hither look, and this probably is The Best Picture Of The Hooters Calendar 2026.

So congratulations to Camila, and to the other two girls of September 2026.  I will masturbate furtively to all of you soon.  (Considering how much I love the best picture, why haven't I done it yet?)

Don't Know What I'm Going To Do The Rest Of This Week Because I Don't Know If And When I'm Getting Wanked

OK, so for the past week or I've been in touch with *a*** about arranging a meeting with her.  And it's usually with her and another stripper girlfriend, for some reason.  I don't know the last time, if ever, I've gotten any action with her and just her alone.  I have had a devil of a time working out a session with her, and I think it's because she insists that we have a three-way with another woman, and somehow, inevitably, something falls through with that woman, and so we can't meet at all.

*a*** has been stringing me along about trying to do something in the evening.  Well, we're shooting for this/Wednesday evening -- maybe.  She has to include another stripper that she knows, and one that I know way back from My Favorite Stripclub (RIP).  It'd be exciting if I get some play with her because it would be the first time.  But nothing is set in stone.  *a*** is supposed to let me know over the course of today/Wednesday if we're doing this at this third's place or not.  I have been as in touch with her about this tryst as I have ever been, so chances are 50/50, which is still pretty bad.

The rest of my week hinges on whether or not I get to rock out with my cock out tonight/Wednesday night.  I feel the urge to get my pee-pee touched right now, which is why I've been in constant contact with *a*** lately, yet I need 48 hours to "reload."  Meanwhile, I have a plan B, ******e, which I have promised to spend a first one-on-one with for a long time, too.  If we go through with this three-way with *a*** and this other chick, I will ask if ******e can see me Friday.  If this falls through, I'll try and have ******e come tomorrow/Thursday night and, frankly, I can go to a play tonight/Wednesday night.  Just between you and me, I kind of prefer the latter.

See, I want the pieces to fit, yet I can't fit them until I know what's going on with *a***.  Everything else this week falls into place, and quickly, but that cannot happen until I hear from her.  I am also spontaneous (at times), so I can't grouse too much.  But I am grousing, because this is holding up a lot.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: August 2026

A good, solid month.  Of the dozen women posing here, I will point out half of them.  I notice that five of the six I will not point out are wearing tops on top of their bikini tops, and the sixth is wearing a boring one-piece swimsuit.  I don't think that's become an automatic "thing" for me to judge these servers on ... but maybe it is.

In sixth place is Monique, of Albuquerque West, N.M. (is that a city?).  Long, black hair that reaches down to her hips, she's wearing a two-piece bikini that is colored in baby blue and bordered in white.  Nothing remarkable about her pose (well, beyond the fact that her right hand might be clutching onto, um, fireplace pokers), but she's standing straight and almost directly facing the camera.  She's got a bam! body.

In fifth place is Orlando's Ashlyn, whom I swear I've seen before in previous calendars.  Straight, dark brown hair that cascades to her hips, she's sporting a baby blue two-piece.  She is standing up and just a canter from directly facing the camera.  (In that sense, she's a mirror image of Monique; while Monique is slightly twisted to her right, Orlando is twisted to her left.)  Her hitching up the sides of her bikini bottom elevates her a tad.

In fourth place is Ava, hailing from Ontario, Calif.  Straight, dark brown hair that go down to the bottom of her tits, she's wearing a purple two-piece bikini that gets to the bottom of her titties.  She's leaning against a stood-up, girthy bamboo pole (never seen anything like that before), so her left arm is nowhere to be seen.  But her body is facing directly at us, and she's showing off her nice bod and porcelain skin.

In third place is Jess, working out of, ooh, Newcastle, England.  Stringy black hair that gets to her breasts, she is wearing a dark and patterned two-piece.  Nothing quite stands out about her, either; she's got a good body, but her boobs are on the petite side.  But she is facing the cam, and she does the thumb-under-her-bikini top thing that gives her a nonchalant aura in her photo.

In second place is Brittany, from Portage, Ind.  Wavy black hair, she's wearing a two-piece bikini that looks like it's made out of a doily.  She's kind of big compared to other Hooters waitresses you see in the calendar, but she is by no means obese.  Better than that, she is wearing a Hooters baseball jersey that is wide open, showing said doily bikini underneath.  It makes me want to think she unbuttoned her jersey right in front of me.  Oh, and she's tugging the front string between her two bikini tits.

Finally, in first place is Zakyla, out of Clearwater, Fla.  Everything about her is exotic.  Her hair is black at the roots, but died blonde at the ends.  Also, some strands of her hair (which extend all the way down below her hips!) are messily kinked, and some are in cornrows.  What's best on her, however, is her two-piece, which looks like it's made out of yellow surgical masks.  Her top is a bandeau, so that bikini top is quite skimpy -- the "masks" cover just enough of her knockers.  Oh, and she's dug both of her thumbs underneath her bikini top -- fap-fap-fap!!!

So, congratulations to Zakyla, and to all the other Hooters girls I've pointed out here.  I've already masturbated to them, but Aug. '26 is so good, I wouldn't mind jerking myself to this month again!!!

My Libido Is Back!

Hanging out at the State Fair and seeing all these hot women with their bellies hanging out and their hot tan lines (I'll blog post more about that soon) has gotten my blood racing down to my dick again.  (Shout-out, by the way, to the bartender I saw after the MNUFC Tie last/Saturday night who rolled up her t-shirt -to show off her hot midriff -- fap-fap-fap!!!)  Maybe I haven't been in a rut, per se, but I haven't been around so many good-looking women in a long time, and now I'm raring to cash in on my arousal.  I am trying to see someone today, but if that falls through, I have a Plan B and C, so I am gonna get cranked, dammit!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: July 2026

A pretty simple month: Only two of the dozen can I recommend.  I'm not quite ready to say this is a disappointing month, though, and I don't know why.  There are just ... two of them that catch my eye.

In second place is The Main Girl, Gracie, out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  Sporting a light blue two-piece bikini, she is shot seemingly on the ocean, what with the way the Sun glints off the back of her long, straight hair.  She may be posed at a quarter-turn, but she's got a nice body, and her (light brown?  Hazel?) eyes are quite striking.

And in first place is Brittany, from Albuquerque, N. M.  Long, curly black hair (that's something you don't see often in the calendar), she is wearing a white, Hooters-branded two-piece.  The hat's a nice touch.  That she's posing straight at the camera is even better.  Best of all are her big, fake titties.  Nummy!!!

So congratulations to Brittany and to Gracie!  Have I masturbated to them yet?  Maybe not ... nah, I think I already did, at a time when I was desperate to.

This Stripper Really Loves Me

So I made it to a stripper party last/Friday night.  I wish I could say I was more relaxed, but the stripper I was with really took things in stride.  She's a really cool chick.  I hope to get with her again soon.

I was planning on going home because I was, well, spent.  But *****y, even though she wasn't technically hosting (*****a was because it was her birthday), she wouldn't let me leave until I stayed there for a while longer.  *****a had made me a strong frozen margarita a few hours before, and *****y didn't want me to just drive off.  Now, this is not the first time *****y has asked me not to leave so soon after a house party.  Also, and make of this what you wish, I felt fine driving home.  (She has continually said to other strippers working parties I've been to that I don't drink much.  I don't know when I should tell her that, uh, isn't quite the case ... which makes me think I should cut down on the drinking, but that should is a blog post for another time.)  But like the first time she asked, I was struck by this stripper, the ethos of whom I normally associate with being a free spirit, and with acting with wild abandon, being so concerned about me, let alone anyone.

*****y gave me a bottle of water and told me to stay, so I just drank water and doomscrolled.  After an hour of this (again, I was all tapped out, so I didn't have any fun with the other strippers there), I thought I was good to go.  She let me go, but she insisted on me texting her once I got home.  Now, don't tell her, I went to Chick-Fil-A first because I had an urge for a peach milkshake.  But then I got home, and I got home in one piece.  And when my cellphone picked up my house wi-fi, there waiting was a message from *****y asking me if I got home safely.

Yes, our relationship is built on sex work.  I cannot deny that when we always "hang out," money changes hands.  But that shows me that *****y loves me.  I am absolutely convinced of that.  You do not go out of your way to prevent someone from getting into an accident, and then proactively text someone whether he got home safe, if you don't love him.  Now, I know she's not in love with me; it's not like that, and I don't think it can be like that.  But our relationship, and I can't think of a better term to call it, has become different over the many, many years I have known and, well, gotten serviced by her.  This is not meaningless.  The concern for my well-being she showed me yesterday is something by which I am deeply moved.  And I guess I am still processing all that.

Ironically, I could see My Mother doing this same thing to me (not at a house party like this, of course), to which I would probably scream at her, "You're suffocating me!!!!!!!!!!"  But I don't feel that way from *****y.  Probably because *****y isn't My Mother who has confused me whenever she hasn't psychologically tortured me all my life.  Plus, I've seen *****y naked ... and I quite love seeing her naked!

Eggplant Emoji Or No Eggplant Emoji?

So I'm Facebook friends with this hot woman who is not a model (at least I don't think) but is a swimwear designer.  She takes many photos of herself in her creations.  She's got a great body, but it's not as if she's showing off her ass or anything, which in my opinion is nudity.  So while she's beautiful, it never gets to the point where I have the perverted urge to send her an eggplant emoji.

Yesterday/Tuesday her Reels pop up.  She's in her swimsuits again, only this time she has a younger woman with her.  She never says, but I suspect she's her daughter.  And she's modeling her (maybe) mom's swimsuits too.  She's fucking hot as well, and this time, she's showing off her ass.

Two hotties, one of whom showing her bare ass?  Yeah, that's enough for me to send an eggplant emoji -- actually two, one for each of them.  But then I paused.  Do I really want to do that?  I scroll through our Messenger to see if I sent her eggplant emojis before -- I haven't.  If I give her the double eggplant, will she be mad at me?  Worse yet, would she show her followers what I Messengered her?

I hope not, but I can't take that risk.  So despite my horniness, I decided not to respond.  It makes me sick to my stomach that I'm censoring myself.  But I'm getting older, though, and maybe more paranoid.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: June 2026

A very, very good month.  This month largely ditches the tanktop-with-bikini-top disappointment (I make one prime exception) and just has women in bikinis, the way God intended.  And of the ten this month, there are seven bomb-ass women I want to point out.  That might be a record!

In seventh place is Carlie, who has long brown hair that almost reaches her waist.  She is wearing a blue two-piece (and her bikini bottoms have squiggly ties).  She's posing next to a running shower, which kind of sucks because the water and her hands cupping the water coming out of the shower obscures what appears to be a solid body.  Mostly, though, I am listing her because she works out of Fairview Heights, Ill., a place I've been to a few times.  If I ever get the courage to vacation down in the St. Louis area any time this year, I'll go down and try and get an autograph from her.

In sixth place is Kate, hailing from Albuquerque, N.M.  Black hair and a turquoise two-piece bikini.  Not digging her posing at a 45-degree angle to the camera, and her smile is, uh, not a smile.  But she is tugging on the piece of bikini between her tits, and that always turns me on.

In fifth place is Toronto's Sara.  Blonde sporting a deep blue two-piece, she's acting like she's pulling the tie in front of her bikini top.  Have to note that her figure is more alike your normal woman not your typical Hooters waitress.  And that's something to note, and to encourage.  She may have a fuller figure, but she's still a babe, and I think it's brave of her to pose for the Hooters swimsuit calendar because she had to know that it is unconventional for someone who looks like her to appear here.

In fourth place is Mikayla, out of Pelham, Ala.  Pure blonde whose wavy hair reaches below her breasts, she is wearing a black two-piece bikini.  Her whole package is great.  But what is most beguiling about her is her toothy smile.  It's kind of really sexy, you know?

In third place is Anna, from Grand Prairie, Tex.  Her blonde hair with dark roots reach all the way down to her hips.  She sports a magenta two-piece with these beads all over.  She's posing at 45 degrees, which ain't all that hot.  But she shows some dynamism by putting her right hand on her head.  Best of all, she's showing underboob; I don't I've ever seen that from a Hooters server in the calendar before.

In second place is Chyna, working out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  This gorgeous beauty with long, straight black hair is laying down on the edge of a lake or sea or ocean.  Don't see much of her boobs, but we get to see a fine shot of her ass in her thong, and that qualifies her automatically for the top spot in this list ...

... or it would if that rule wasn't superseded by my first rule.  But it is.  In first place is Alyse of the gone but never forgotten Mall Of America Hooters, so out of provinciality/tribalism, I have to put her first.  To her aesthetic credit, she is wearing a barebelly Hooters-branded tank top and a lavender bikini bottom, and she looks cute.  Also, I have seen her in person a couple times when I bought calendars at the restaurant (although, ironically, never when she was actually working there), and trust me, the hottie with long and straight light brown hair is a spinner!

So, congratulations to Alyse and all the other hot women for June '26.  No worries -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!

Three Things From Yesterday

All I wanted to do is wish Father and Happy Father's Day yesterday.  And sure, it's innocuous, but dammit, he reminded me that they plan on coming home some time.  When?  Who knows.  But he launched into this story where he was told by some guy who called him that there was a hailstorm here, which there was, and do you want us to check the house for any damage?  These shady, fly-by-night shakedown jobs always are on the make, promising to replace the roof quickly and for cheap.  Not to say that the roof on our house doesn't need at least a once-over.  But if it is, I'd rather go to a reputable company and not some half-ass dimwit who are just cold-calling people in the hopes of suckering them out of their money later.  Anyway, they're coming home, and that day is getting closer, and I am not ready for that.

---

On a brighter note, all day yesterday/Sunday I hung out in downtown Minneapolis.  MNUFC and Brit's Pub held a joint soccer celebration where, for free, you can watch World Cup Matches.  During the last Game of the quadruple-header, Egypt-New Zealand, I looked up from where I was at the sunken Peavey Plaza.  There were strangers of all countries and background watching the Match from a huge TV screen.  Meanwhile, the setting sun managed to cast its rays on the tall buildings downtown.  And I felt happy and safe.  Downtown Minneapolis being dangerous is absolute bullshit.  What I experienced downtown yesterday?  That's the real downtown, and don't let any MAGAt make you believe otherwise.

---

Even though Michael Boxall, who's MNUFC's longtime Centerback, was playing for New Zealand, Egypt fans overwhelmed Peavey Plaza.  I swear there were about four dozen Egyptians and Egypt Fans at the Game-watching party, and that is four dozen more Egyptians and Egypt fans than I believed live here.  Oh, and there are some fine-ass Egyptian chicks, I tell you what. ...

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: May 2026

Ten women this month, I've noticed, and I think I just realized that ten is the fewest number of waitresses I've seen in a month in a Hooter calendar.  Just a thought.

Not a bad month.  But I can only point out three because half of the ten have that stupid t-shirt-over-bikini-top thing I railed against last month.  I have to admit, though, I have made one exception.

I will point out three women.

In third place is Micayla, hailing out of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.  Long black hair that falls below her breasts, she's wearing a pink two-piece.  I note her because she is posing as if she is either climbing out of or into a pool.  And by grabbing the bars on the side of the ladder, she is one of the few servers in this month posing straight at the camera (well, she's a tad off to her right, but I'll count it).  She's got a great body, and in this picture, she's showing it off.

In second place is Atlanta's Gwyn.  She is wearing a t-shirt over a bikini top.  I am making an exception for her for three reasons: 1) She's standing straight at us; 2) she's wearing a straw cowboy hat, and I'm a sucker for a hot chick acting like she's a cowgirl; and 3) she's also wearing jean shorts with a bikini bottom which, like her bikini top, is orange (and BTW, the crop top she's wearing is Hooters-themed.)  I know she's wearing an orange bikini bottom because she's got her jean shorts unzipped and open all the way, revealing said bikini bottom underneath.  That makes it look as if she's undressing, which is only emphasized by my realization that bikini bottoms are really small these days, and that if she weren't grooming down there, we'd be seeing her pussy hair sprout right out of her bottoms.  Yowza!

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Jada, from Destin, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that cascades down to her waist, she is sporting a light pink two-piece bikini.  She is posing to her side toward us -- she's posing inbetween what looks to be curtains -- and it's also not great her right arm is obscuring her stomach.  But she is a stunner -- porcelain skin and light green eyes.  Also, even though we can't see it, I'd bet that she's wearing a bikini bottom that's showing her ass.

So congratulations to Jada and the other two Hooters girls for May 2026.  I will be touching myself to all of you in due time.

I've Given Up And Am Going Out A Lot This Week ... Again

So I've bitched often (though not in the past week like I thought) about "needing" to go out too many evenings in the week.  Man, sometimes I just want to go home from work and fucking stay there.

I was trying to reach some equilibrium with that this week, especially since it's a holiday weekend and you're supposed to just veg out.  But I had to chuck that all out the window.  First it's because of my cousin and her son.  She said that Friday might work, but that's The Official Start Of Summer, and I had plans to go to my speakeasy and ease into this Endless Summer by drinking.  Saturday could work, too, but United FC has a Match in the afternoon, I wanted to relax with pizza and a beer afterwards, and there is the possibility of the English Championship Play-Up Match that morning (I say possibility because as I type this, there is a hearing to determine whether Southampton, one of the teams playing, should be kicked out for spying on Middlesbrough, the club it beat more than a week ago to reach the Final).  Sunday and Monday are a lot freer, but I was hoping to fuck ****e one of those days and stay in the other, and I want to do both so badly that I consider seeing my cousin one of those days, as convenient that it might be, a frustrating spanner in the works.  I don't want to say I would rather not see my cousin, but ...

I'm getting over myself.  For one thing, all this soccer watching is still up in the air; Sunday, for example, is Decision Day in the EPL.  If Tottenham Hotspur is still in jeopardy of being relegated, I'm going out to watch it at a pub that morning, and in that case I probably won't have any time to myself at home this weekend.  Still, I'm looking for some solace, and I have to look to the workweek for that, too.  My plan during the workweek was to go out last/Monday night because I had a gas coupon that was going to expire, so I might as well work on my receipts and eat out.  Tonight/Tuesday night and tomorrow/Wednesday night I would stay in, finally.  Thursday I would, for the first time ever, go out to the State Fair, which now opens for Memorial Weekend.  Then Friday's the speakeasy.

That was all shot to hell when I came home from work last/Monday night.  Taped onto my screen door was a notice from the city.  They're doing something with the main sewer line tomorrow/Wednesday.  Between 8 in the morning and 8 in the evening, I am not supposed to use any water at all in the house.  Well, fuck.  I might as well not go home after work.  So, what to do?  How about go to the speakeasy then?  I don't want to "celebrate" summer two days early, but frankly, it makes a lot of sense to just do this tomorrow/Wednesday night.  Not only would I give the city time to not mess up the house's sewer system, going out (instead of staying in) tomorrow/Wednesday night frees up Friday night for me to hang with my cousin and cousin once removed.  Looking at it that way, a lot of problems get solved.

So I'm being a social butterfly again.  Yippee ... ?

(Aside: I am working the early shift at work today/Tuesday.  I should be in bed instead of blog posting this.  Anyway, if I get done with work early, well, it would theoretically allow me to go exercise at a decent hour in the evening.  Yeah, golly, I can do that.  But on that announcement by the city, I am supposed to pour water down all my drains in anticipation of this sewer line cut tomorrow/Wednesday.  It may not take up a whole lot of time, but if I'm doing that, I might as well do other chores ... like go through my stuff, finally.  Yeah, I need to get in shape, but if I really want to go home -- well, I should just do this, huh?  Might as well salvage one night to do nothing.)

They Stay The Same Age. But Me Getting Older Might Be A Problem After All

So after work last/Saturday night I went to this roast beef place just south of my company.  I was on my way to the Black Hart to see MNUFC play (and lose -- goddamn, what a fucking shit pass to give up the Game-winner).  I really, really wanted to see The Preakness Stakes, but because I decided to stay a bit over to grab even more overtime, I thought I resigned myself that I probably wouldn't make it to the Black Hart to see the race, especially since I had my heart set on getting this place's legendarily good roast beef after work last/Saturday night because it will be the only time in the foreseeable future 1) it would be on my way to doing other things and 2) I would naturally be hungry right after work.

I get there and the cashier taking my order is a beaut.  Fuck yeah, she is gorgeous.  But young.  I think, and hope, not teenager young, but she could not have graduated from college.  Seeing a hot young woman speaking to you, even only because she has to, brightens my day, so I order a roast beef sandwich cheerfully.  And what do you know -- this restaurant actually has a TV.  (I've been to this place before, but it's been years since the last time, so maybe they didn't have a TV then.)  I could relax and let go of my stress because I could see the horse race after all (well, the reception was poor, but at least I saw Napoleon Solo outrace the other horses at the stretch run without the feed cutting out).  I had an excuse to talk to this babe again; this time, I requested the TV be turned on to the Preakness, and because I had a reason to stay beyond eating my sandwich, I ordered french fries too, which I had planned to order until I decided to stay late at work and calculated that even though I couldn't catch the race in time, I should still make an effort to get to the Black Hart as quickly as possible ... which makes no sense now that I typed out that thought.

Anyway ... have no complaints with her service.  In fact, when I ordered fries, she just skipped past the tip screen, which I guess means she likes me ... ?  But it's not as if I could chat her up or anything.  She served me my roast beef and fries, and that was it when it came to interaction.

Still, she is fucking hot.  And as I finally left after eating and watching the race, it just so happened that three young women entered and immediately began speaking to that cashier.  They obviously are friends with the cashier from school who dropped by to chat or eat or both.  They were fucking hot, and unlike the cashier, who had to dress for work, these friends dressed for the hot weather we had and, well, dressed like young women, with their goddamn boner-inducing midriffs hanging out and shit.  If I didn't have to go -- and if I were younger and less savvy -- I would sit down and steal looks at these three babes.

And then I realized that it was most important for me at that time to go because I had plans.  I can say that my younger self would've dropped everything I would've done because ogling these chicks would be an urge I could not get over.  And beyond that, the age gap was so apparent as to be instinctive.  Even if I could assume these women were of college age, they still would be less than half my age.  Could I even think to have small talk with them?  What would we even talk about?  TikTok?  The new Olivia Rodrigo album?  What they're studying?  Finally, from the quick glance I took of the faces and bodies of these three hotties (do people say "hotties" anymore, or am I cringe saying that?) I think ... well, that they all look the same -- with each other, and with the cashier they said hi to.  Maybe if I sat and looked at them for a longer, creepier period of time, I can discern distinct differences.  I mean, they can't be quadruplets.  But am I wrong to think that all young women these days look alike?  I don't think I can say yes, but I'm going to stick to my guns and not say no.

Not going to lie; if I were a lot younger, I would be masturbating to the memory of these four babes.  That feels ... wrong now.  So maybe Matthew McConaughey was also wrong in Dazed And Confused -- even though what his character is saying would now be construed as Trump Disease:

Dealing With Too Much E-Mail

I tried.  OK, I kind of didn't.  I had the occasional impulse to go through my e-mails and see which ones I wanted to read and which ones I could delete.  But once that urge went, it didn't, or hasn't come back for months, if not years.

At its worst, I had 100,000 unread e-mails unread in my main inbox.  Nearly all of them are political donation e-mails, and goddammit, I totally regret ever donating to those campaigns, though I'm mad mostly because my side lost.  But the donation e-mails haven't stopped.  There was a time I could go through every single e-mail that I got each and every day.  But once those donation e-mails hit my inbox, I couldn't.  So I thought I could let it go for one day ... except one day became two, and then it became a week, then a month, and then 100,000 unread e-mails.

What finally forced my hand several months ago was that Yahoo! Mail said I was bumping up against my storage limit.  Though theoretically I would eventually have to worry about the limit with all the non-political e-mails I still have in my inbox since Day One, it's all those fucking donation e-mails that have taken up all my storage space.  So, with the proverbial gun cocked and aimed at my head, I finally had the excuse to say fuck it, I'll just delete e-mails without looking at them.

But how to do that?  Going through individual e-mails to make sure they were political ones defeats the purpose of a mass delete, so I went with deleting by keyword.  But which one?  I wasn't feeling a sense of urgency.  But I knew, deep down, that I wanted to just get under this limit as quickly as possible, so I just wanted to find one keyword, zap all the e-mails with that keyword even if some innocent and non-political ones get swept up, and be done with it.

I profess I didn't think too long and hard over the one word I decided to use -- "donate."  It seemed to be the one word in every political e-mail I had.  After all, the point of those e-mails is to ask for money.  So I searched for "donate," clicked the all e-mails box, and deleted away.  Yahoo! Mail gives you a box with a final warning.  In this case, it told me that I was going to delete, say, 100 e-mails -- and then gives me the option of deleting, like, 10,000 more e-mails that also have the word "donate" somewhere in the body.  And I'm all, OK!  And Yahoo! Mail actually had to take a few minutes, but those 10,000 e-mails were gone ... and yet there were more even more e-mails in my inbox that had the keyword "donate" but weren't deleted yet.  So I had to go through this cycle two or three more times before it apparently found and killed off all the e-mails with "donate."

Got to be honest: I'm happy.  I was never going to go through the e-mails in the way my ideal self wanted to because I simply didn't have the time nor the inclination.  This massive kill-off is untidy and inaccurate, but it quickly got me down below the limit.  And I had bumped up against that limit a couple more times not too long after this first time, but I guess I had more e-mails with "donate," so zap! they went.  Finally, I'm under, and hopefully for good (so long as I get rid of the political e-mails that will infect my inbox after I die).  I know that I will be sentimental for e-mails that I really, really wanted to keep but unfortunately had "donate" somewhere in the body of that e-mail ... that is if and when I ever realize they're gone.  But I finally dealt with too much e-mail in a way that, if I were telling the truth to myself, I really like and wanted to do.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2026

I've gotta admit that my enthusiasm for doing these monthly reviews has completely subsided now that the local Hooters has closed.  It's not as if the women I'm reviewing and jerking off to were working at MOA, but I had this ... well, irrational and vicarious feeling that they could.  Now that the closest Hooters is in, I think, Iowa, the servers in this calendar are just pictures to me.  There was literally no chance that I would meet any of these hot babes in person before, but now that there is no Hooters at the Megamall anymore, there is absolutely no chance.

But soldier on I will till the end of 2026.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a trend that I don't like: The crop top.  I like crop tops so long as the Hooters waitress wearing it isn't wearing anything underneath.  This isn't porn, however, so of the five Hooters girls who are wearing bare-belly shirts, four of them obviously  are wearing bikini tops underneath, and I'll just go ahead and assume that the fifth is wearing one, too.  That is way too much clothing for my liking.

There are a dozen servers for this month, and I can point out four of them.

In fourth place is Maddie, out of Loveland, Colo.  Dark blonde wavy hair, she is sporting a two-piece yellow bikini.  She's got a nice figure, but the things that place her on this list are her smile and the fact that she's wearing a cowboy hat with the Hooters logo.  Yep, that's enough for me.

In third place is Alyssa, from Newark, Del.  Long black hair, she's wearing a two-piece that is light purple/lavender in the important spots and are connecting with lime green string.  She's smirking.  With her left hand she's tugging down at at the middle of her bikini top.  And with her right hand she's placing/fake-tugging the knot that's holding up her bikini bottom.  It's all intimation, but yep, that's also enough for me.

In second place is Taylor, hailing out of O'Hare, Ill.  (Not O'Hare Airport, but the city of O'Hare, which I didn't know until now is a city in Illinois.)  The brunette is wearing a patterned two-piece bikini.  While she's tugging at the middle of her top, she's pursing her lips, and honestly, what I like about her is that she gives off a tomboy vibe.  She certainly doesn't look like a Hooters girl.  That makes her more real, and more approachable.

Finally, in first place is Anna.  The server with very long black hair (it goes all the way down to her hips, in fact) and deep and glistening black skin is sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's first because she is one of the few women from the now-dead Hooters at The Mall Of America I've seen in these calendars.  And, I was lucky enough for her to sign this calendar, right on her own picture.

Now that I've written my thoughts down, I realize that I spotlight all four because of technicalities.  Sadly, that is the nature of a very blah month that is further weighed down because most of the women are wearing too much clothing.  But don't worry -- I have already pleasured myself to this month.  Congratulations to Anna and the rest, and I hope Anna has found new and gainful employment.

Please Fuck Me For My Sweetness

So I was invited to a stripper party that was going on yesterday/Saturday.  I would go for only one reason: ****e, with whom I had a couple of wild times in the privacy of a room.  I asked about a month ago if she would be there; if she were, then I would, too.  But she has been ailing -- something with her hand last month, then, when I texted her again yesterday/Saturday morning, something about her hip.  She wasn't going, so I pivoted to doing some Record Store Day stuff instead.

I ask her if she needs anything.  It's not like we're close or anything, but, frankly, she's sucked my dick, so I want to help her if she's in need.  She said she didn't, but she said, "Aw, you're such a sweet guy!"  And I want to be sweet.  And I genuinely want to know if I can help her.  But, and I just noticed this myself, a couple times in the past after a stripper girlfriend has told me I'm sweet for offering to do something, I've gotten some action.  So, um, yes, I am kind of hoping that when ****e, or any stripper, says that, I'm getting sumpin'-sumpin' the next time we meet.  I hope that's an indication that if you're nice to a woman, that woman is willing to do nice, or naughty, things to you.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: March 2026

I have to admit that since the last Hooters in the state closed a few weeks ago, I haven't looked forward to reviewing the Hooters calendar as much.  It seems kind of pointless to point out which Hooters babes are the hottest when I can't see the real thing at the Mall Of America.  But I am duty-bound by my OCD to do this until the end of the year.  And you know, it's gonna be a bit funny to not do these breastaurant calendar reviews after this year ... unless Twin Peaks moves into the Hooters space, like I'm guessing it could.

Anyway, I have looked at all baker's dozen waitresses, and I'm very, very aroused by this month.  And I'm not saying that just because March is my birthday month.  OK, maybe I am a bit.  As you could probably imagine, because it's the month of St. Patrick's Day, many of the girls here are dressed in green, which happens to be my favorite color (probably because March is my birthday month, also granted).  But with all those caveats, I will list eight Hooters servers who caught my eye.

In eighth place is Erica, hailing out of St. Peters, Mo.  Long blonde hair, in a two-piece green bikini (you know, just to save myself some time and finger strokes, assume the Hooters woman is wearing a two-piece green bikini unless I describe what she's wearing).  Nothing else striking about her, but she's directly facing the camera.  Also, since she works in the St. Louis area, I want to think I would be able to have her sign my calendar if I went down there on vacation -- "if" being the operative word since I don't plan on going anywhere big or far on vacation until this current administration is deposed.

In seventh place is Haley, from Hialeah, Fla.  Long, dark brown (maybe black) hair.  She seems to be sitting between two walls made out of logs.  She's also posed three-quarters to the camera, which deprives us of her whole body.  But she's pulling up the sides of her bikini bottom, plus I just noticed that she has (or seems to have) thick hips.  Don't see that every day on a Hooters girl.

In sixth place is Mia, of Weston, Fla.  Curling, dirty blonde hair reaches down to her small tits.  She's also doing the bottom tug thing.  (Come to think of it, most of the waitresses here are doing that.)  Like I said, she's got a petite body.  She looks 18.  But that youth and innocence -- assuming she's of age! -- is really cute to see serving you wings.

In fifth place is Mia, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Think Zendaya.  With curly dark (probably black, possibly brown) hair, she is not wearing a green bikini.  Instead, she's wearing a light blue/periwinkle two-piece.  She's facing almost directly at the cam.  She's got that vertical slit on her stomach, a sign of a slim, lithe body.  Also, she's tugging a bit on the right side of her bottom down.  Forty years ago, that would mean a glimpse of her pussy hair.

In fourth place is Cass, from Buford, Ga.  Light blonde hair that cascades halfway down her body.  Don't know why in the hell she's holding a life preserver.  But she is sporting a red, one-piece, old-school bikini, and it's slit so low down to her stomach that you get a good shot of her left sideboob.  And with her hair thrown over her right shoulder, she looks absolutely gorgeous.

In third place is Karli, out of North Charleston, S C.  Long, jet black hair.  She's directly facing the camera.  She's not so much tugging her bikini bottom so much as pinching the right side of it with her fingers.  She's wearing a belly chain, ooh-la-la.  And you can tell that her tits are fake, but frankly, those bolt-ons look so good on her, I don't care!

Before I proceed with the top two, I want to remind you again that March is the month of St. Patrick's Day.  St. Patrick obviously is from Ireland, and Ireland is known for its redheads.  Thus, you would figure that Hooters would put redheaded Hooters girls in the calendar for March.  And I am a sucker, if not a whore, for redheads, so the two gingers in March '26 complete this list.  Ironically, though, neither of them are wearing anything green, even though that would make sense for the month.  That green and red would also provide, in my humble opinion, a sexy contrast (or would they be complementary to each other?) that has powered many of my sexual fantasies.

In second place, also hailing out of Mesa, Ariz., is Brittany.  She is knee-deep in a pool.  She mostly has her left side flashing toward the camera, which isn't great, but I see a tiny shot of her bikini bottom, and it's cut enough that I think I would see at least half of her ass.  She too throws her long hair over her right shoulder, and that combination, plus her slight grin, makes for an unstoppable picture.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Emma, from ... oh, what a coinky-dink, she's from Mesa, Ariz., too!!!  She is wearing a black, cut-through Hooters tank top and black Hooters bikini bottoms, the left side of which she is grabbing.  Most of her right side is facing the photographer, but that means you can see her left sideboob.  You can also tell she is wearing a (presumably Hooters-themed) bikini top, which is a bummer because I would rather not see anything underneath her tank top.  But she is arching her back to emphasize her hot torso.  She looks sexy posing with pursed lips.  And she has thrown her long hair over her left shoulder.  This photograph is just fucking sex personified, not gonna lie.

So congratulations to Emma, and the other seven hot women comprising an excellent March 2026.  And don't worry -- I already jerked off to y'all!!!

Have I Still Got My Libido At 50?

So after our volunteering event we hung out at a nearby restaurant to watch our alma mater play in the tournament.  And swear to God, there were so many hot women there with bazoombas underneath tight shirts (with bras, boo) that you know were so big they would go "Blammo!" as soon as they were unleashed.  And it probably was the one-off 75-80-degree weather that day that encouraged these hotties to look their hottest.  Damn!

I think I touched myself three out of the last four days.  Probably the aftereffects of feeling hot and horny for the first time on Saturday.  But it also might be me trying to hang onto my youth by convincing myself I could still get it up and unleash my splooge by jerking off as much as I could.  That might also be the reason I am going to try and see ****e this weekend ... or, it might be that I really, truly want to fuck her.

Oh, and there was the hot young thing (but old enough to be legal, trust me!) at Culver's, where I decided to spend money yesterday/Wednesday when I planned on not spending money yesterday/Wednesday, thinking that it's probably the best way to spread out all the free food birthday offers that are about to expire.  Glad I changed my mind, because this blonde was well built, had a huge chest, and wore a tight wifebeater that still showed off her gorgeous belly.  I think I got hard.

Yep, I think I still have a libido at age 50!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: January 2026

Almost the first full month where I have the Hooters calendar back up on my wall so I can see it every day.  So I think I can say with some authority that ... this may be one of the worst months I have ever seen.  Again, I'm not saying that all the servers for this month or ghastly to look at.  But I can only pick out two of the dozen women here for special recognition, and frankly, the babe in second I am pointing out based on a guess.  The other pictures don't do anything for me, sorry to say.

The waitress in second place is Madison, from Weston, Fla.  Wavy dark blonde hair that ends at the bottom of her chest.  Her attire makes her look like a company girl.  She has orange bikini bottoms and is wearing a black Hooters crop top. It's the kind I used to see on Hooters women way back in the day, where it cuts off high on the waist so it shows off the Hooters girl's midriff.  That would be sexy as fuck to see in the restaurant, but for swimwear it looks a bit overdressed.  I am taking it on faith, however, that she is not wearing anything underneath the crop, which kind of makes up for size of the top.

And in first place is Emily, of Hampton, Va.  Wavyer dark blonde hair that reaches belly height, she is wearing a black-and-yellow two-piece.  Posing almost fully at the camera, she places her left hand against a stood-up surfboard while her right hand pulls up on her bikini bottom.  She's got a nice body, and I love her wide smile.  She's fucking gorgeous.

And, that's it.  So congratulations to Emily for winning.  And no worries -- I have already masturbated to these two!