Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: May 2026

Ten women this month, I've noticed, and I think I just realized that ten is the fewest number of waitresses I've seen in a month in a Hooter calendar.  Just a thought.

Not a bad month.  But I can only point out three because half of the ten have that stupid t-shirt-over-bikini-top thing I railed against last month.  I have to admit, though, I have made one exception.

I will point out three women.

In third place is Micayla, hailing out of Fort Lauderdale, Fla.  Long black hair that falls below her breasts, she's wearing a pink two-piece.  I note her because she is posing as if she is either climbing out of or into a pool.  And by grabbing the bars on the side of the ladder, she is one of the few servers in this month posing straight at the camera (well, she's a tad off to her right, but I'll count it).  She's got a great body, and in this picture, she's showing it off.

In second place is Atlanta's Gwyn.  She is wearing a t-shirt over a bikini top.  I am making an exception for her for three reasons: 1) She's standing straight at us; 2) she's wearing a straw cowboy hat, and I'm a sucker for a hot chick acting like she's a cowgirl; and 3) she's also wearing jean shorts with a bikini bottom which, like her bikini top, is orange (and BTW, the crop top she's wearing is Hooters-themed.)  I know she's wearing an orange bikini bottom because she's got her jean shorts unzipped and open all the way, revealing said bikini bottom underneath.  That makes it look as if she's undressing, which is only emphasized by my realization that bikini bottoms are really small these days, and that if she weren't grooming down there, we'd be seeing her pussy hair sprout right out of her bottoms.  Yowza!

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Jada, from Destin, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that cascades down to her waist, she is sporting a light pink two-piece bikini.  She is posing to her side toward us -- she's posing inbetween what looks to be curtains -- and it's also not great her right arm is obscuring her stomach.  But she is a stunner -- porcelain skin and light green eyes.  Also, even though we can't see it, I'd bet that she's wearing a bikini bottom that's showing her ass.

So congratulations to Jada and the other two Hooters girls for May 2026.  I will be touching myself to all of you in due time.

I've Given Up And Am Going Out A Lot This Week ... Again

So I've bitched often (though not in the past week like I thought) about "needing" to go out too many evenings in the week.  Man, sometimes I just want to go home from work and fucking stay there.

I was trying to reach some equilibrium with that this week, especially since it's a holiday weekend and you're supposed to just veg out.  But I had to chuck that all out the window.  First it's because of my cousin and her son.  She said that Friday might work, but that's The Official Start Of Summer, and I had plans to go to my speakeasy and ease into this Endless Summer by drinking.  Saturday could work, too, but United FC has a Match in the afternoon, I wanted to relax with pizza and a beer afterwards, and there is the possibility of the English Championship Play-Up Match that morning (I say possibility because as I type this, there is a hearing to determine whether Southampton, one of the teams playing, should be kicked out for spying on Middlesbrough, the club it beat more than a week ago to reach the Final).  Sunday and Monday are a lot freer, but I was hoping to fuck ****e one of those days and stay in the other, and I want to do both so badly that I consider seeing my cousin one of those days, as convenient that it might be, a frustrating spanner in the works.  I don't want to say I would rather not see my cousin, but ...

I'm getting over myself.  For one thing, all this soccer watching is still up in the air; Sunday, for example, is Decision Day in the EPL.  If Tottenham Hotspur is still in jeopardy of being relegated, I'm going out to watch it at a pub that morning, and in that case I probably won't have any time to myself at home this weekend.  Still, I'm looking for some solace, and I have to look to the workweek for that, too.  My plan during the workweek was to go out last/Monday night because I had a gas coupon that was going to expire, so I might as well work on my receipts and eat out.  Tonight/Tuesday night and tomorrow/Wednesday night I would stay in, finally.  Thursday I would, for the first time ever, go out to the State Fair, which now opens for Memorial Weekend.  Then Friday's the speakeasy.

That was all shot to hell when I came home from work last/Monday night.  Taped onto my screen door was a notice from the city.  They're doing something with the main sewer line tomorrow/Wednesday.  Between 8 in the morning and 8 in the evening, I am not supposed to use any water at all in the house.  Well, fuck.  I might as well not go home after work.  So, what to do?  How about go to the speakeasy then?  I don't want to "celebrate" summer two days early, but frankly, it makes a lot of sense to just do this tomorrow/Wednesday night.  Not only would I give the city time to not mess up the house's sewer system, going out (instead of staying in) tomorrow/Wednesday night frees up Friday night for me to hang with my cousin and cousin once removed.  Looking at it that way, a lot of problems get solved.

So I'm being a social butterfly again.  Yippee ... ?

(Aside: I am working the early shift at work today/Tuesday.  I should be in bed instead of blog posting this.  Anyway, if I get done with work early, well, it would theoretically allow me to go exercise at a decent hour in the evening.  Yeah, golly, I can do that.  But on that announcement by the city, I am supposed to pour water down all my drains in anticipation of this sewer line cut tomorrow/Wednesday.  It may not take up a whole lot of time, but if I'm doing that, I might as well do other chores ... like go through my stuff, finally.  Yeah, I need to get in shape, but if I really want to go home -- well, I should just do this, huh?  Might as well salvage one night to do nothing.)

They Stay The Same Age. But Me Getting Older Might Be A Problem After All

So after work last/Saturday night I went to this roast beef place just south of my company.  I was on my way to the Black Hart to see MNUFC play (and lose -- goddamn, what a fucking shit pass to give up the Game-winner).  I really, really wanted to see The Preakness Stakes, but because I decided to stay a bit over to grab even more overtime, I thought I resigned myself that I probably wouldn't make it to the Black Hart to see the race, especially since I had my heart set on getting this place's legendarily good roast beef after work last/Saturday night because it will be the only time in the foreseeable future 1) it would be on my way to doing other things and 2) I would naturally be hungry right after work.

I get there and the cashier taking my order is a beaut.  Fuck yeah, she is gorgeous.  But young.  I think, and hope, not teenager young, but she could not have graduated from college.  Seeing a hot young woman speaking to you, even only because she has to, brightens my day, so I order a roast beef sandwich cheerfully.  And what do you know -- this restaurant actually has a TV.  (I've been to this place before, but it's been years since the last time, so maybe they didn't have a TV then.)  I could relax and let go of my stress because I could see the horse race after all (well, the reception was poor, but at least I saw Napoleon Solo outrace the other horses at the stretch run without the feed cutting out).  I had an excuse to talk to this babe again; this time, I requested the TV be turned on to the Preakness, and because I had a reason to stay beyond eating my sandwich, I ordered french fries too, which I had planned to order until I decided to stay late at work and calculated that even though I couldn't catch the race in time, I should still make an effort to get to the Black Hart as quickly as possible ... which makes no sense now that I typed out that thought.

Anyway ... have no complaints with her service.  In fact, when I ordered fries, she just skipped past the tip screen, which I guess means she likes me ... ?  But it's not as if I could chat her up or anything.  She served me my roast beef and fries, and that was it when it came to interaction.

Still, she is fucking hot.  And as I finally left after eating and watching the race, it just so happened that three young women entered and immediately began speaking to that cashier.  They obviously are friends with the cashier from school who dropped by to chat or eat or both.  They were fucking hot, and unlike the cashier, who had to dress for work, these friends dressed for the hot weather we had and, well, dressed like young women, with their goddamn boner-inducing midriffs hanging out and shit.  If I didn't have to go -- and if I were younger and less savvy -- I would sit down and steal looks at these three babes.

And then I realized that it was most important for me at that time to go because I had plans.  I can say that my younger self would've dropped everything I would've done because ogling these chicks would be an urge I could not get over.  And beyond that, the age gap was so apparent as to be instinctive.  Even if I could assume these women were of college age, they still would be less than half my age.  Could I even think to have small talk with them?  What would we even talk about?  TikTok?  The new Olivia Rodrigo album?  What they're studying?  Finally, from the quick glance I took of the faces and bodies of these three hotties (do people say "hotties" anymore, or am I cringe saying that?) I think ... well, that they all look the same -- with each other, and with the cashier they said hi to.  Maybe if I sat and looked at them for a longer, creepier period of time, I can discern distinct differences.  I mean, they can't be quadruplets.  But am I wrong to think that all young women these days look alike?  I don't think I can say yes, but I'm going to stick to my guns and not say no.

Not going to lie; if I were a lot younger, I would be masturbating to the memory of these four babes.  That feels ... wrong now.  So maybe Matthew McConaughey was also wrong in Dazed And Confused -- even though what his character is saying would now be construed as Trump Disease:

Dealing With Too Much E-Mail

I tried.  OK, I kind of didn't.  I had the occasional impulse to go through my e-mails and see which ones I wanted to read and which ones I could delete.  But once that urge went, it didn't, or hasn't come back for months, if not years.

At its worst, I had 100,000 unread e-mails unread in my main inbox.  Nearly all of them are political donation e-mails, and goddammit, I totally regret ever donating to those campaigns, though I'm mad mostly because my side lost.  But the donation e-mails haven't stopped.  There was a time I could go through every single e-mail that I got each and every day.  But once those donation e-mails hit my inbox, I couldn't.  So I thought I could let it go for one day ... except one day became two, and then it became a week, then a month, and then 100,000 unread e-mails.

What finally forced my hand several months ago was that Yahoo! Mail said I was bumping up against my storage limit.  Though theoretically I would eventually have to worry about the limit with all the non-political e-mails I still have in my inbox since Day One, it's all those fucking donation e-mails that have taken up all my storage space.  So, with the proverbial gun cocked and aimed at my head, I finally had the excuse to say fuck it, I'll just delete e-mails without looking at them.

But how to do that?  Going through individual e-mails to make sure they were political ones defeats the purpose of a mass delete, so I went with deleting by keyword.  But which one?  I wasn't feeling a sense of urgency.  But I knew, deep down, that I wanted to just get under this limit as quickly as possible, so I just wanted to find one keyword, zap all the e-mails with that keyword even if some innocent and non-political ones get swept up, and be done with it.

I profess I didn't think too long and hard over the one word I decided to use -- "donate."  It seemed to be the one word in every political e-mail I had.  After all, the point of those e-mails is to ask for money.  So I searched for "donate," clicked the all e-mails box, and deleted away.  Yahoo! Mail gives you a box with a final warning.  In this case, it told me that I was going to delete, say, 100 e-mails -- and then gives me the option of deleting, like, 10,000 more e-mails that also have the word "donate" somewhere in the body.  And I'm all, OK!  And Yahoo! Mail actually had to take a few minutes, but those 10,000 e-mails were gone ... and yet there were more even more e-mails in my inbox that had the keyword "donate" but weren't deleted yet.  So I had to go through this cycle two or three more times before it apparently found and killed off all the e-mails with "donate."

Got to be honest: I'm happy.  I was never going to go through the e-mails in the way my ideal self wanted to because I simply didn't have the time nor the inclination.  This massive kill-off is untidy and inaccurate, but it quickly got me down below the limit.  And I had bumped up against that limit a couple more times not too long after this first time, but I guess I had more e-mails with "donate," so zap! they went.  Finally, I'm under, and hopefully for good (so long as I get rid of the political e-mails that will infect my inbox after I die).  I know that I will be sentimental for e-mails that I really, really wanted to keep but unfortunately had "donate" somewhere in the body of that e-mail ... that is if and when I ever realize they're gone.  But I finally dealt with too much e-mail in a way that, if I were telling the truth to myself, I really like and wanted to do.

The Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: April 2026

I've gotta admit that my enthusiasm for doing these monthly reviews has completely subsided now that the local Hooters has closed.  It's not as if the women I'm reviewing and jerking off to were working at MOA, but I had this ... well, irrational and vicarious feeling that they could.  Now that the closest Hooters is in, I think, Iowa, the servers in this calendar are just pictures to me.  There was literally no chance that I would meet any of these hot babes in person before, but now that there is no Hooters at the Megamall anymore, there is absolutely no chance.

But soldier on I will till the end of 2026.  Unfortunately, I am seeing a trend that I don't like: The crop top.  I like crop tops so long as the Hooters waitress wearing it isn't wearing anything underneath.  This isn't porn, however, so of the five Hooters girls who are wearing bare-belly shirts, four of them obviously  are wearing bikini tops underneath, and I'll just go ahead and assume that the fifth is wearing one, too.  That is way too much clothing for my liking.

There are a dozen servers for this month, and I can point out four of them.

In fourth place is Maddie, out of Loveland, Colo.  Dark blonde wavy hair, she is sporting a two-piece yellow bikini.  She's got a nice figure, but the things that place her on this list are her smile and the fact that she's wearing a cowboy hat with the Hooters logo.  Yep, that's enough for me.

In third place is Alyssa, from Newark, Del.  Long black hair, she's wearing a two-piece that is light purple/lavender in the important spots and are connecting with lime green string.  She's smirking.  With her left hand she's tugging down at at the middle of her bikini top.  And with her right hand she's placing/fake-tugging the knot that's holding up her bikini bottom.  It's all intimation, but yep, that's also enough for me.

In second place is Taylor, hailing out of O'Hare, Ill.  (Not O'Hare Airport, but the city of O'Hare, which I didn't know until now is a city in Illinois.)  The brunette is wearing a patterned two-piece bikini.  While she's tugging at the middle of her top, she's pursing her lips, and honestly, what I like about her is that she gives off a tomboy vibe.  She certainly doesn't look like a Hooters girl.  That makes her more real, and more approachable.

Finally, in first place is Anna.  The server with very long black hair (it goes all the way down to her hips, in fact) and deep and glistening black skin is sporting a yellow two-piece.  She's first because she is one of the few women from the now-dead Hooters at The Mall Of America I've seen in these calendars.  And, I was lucky enough for her to sign this calendar, right on her own picture.

Now that I've written my thoughts down, I realize that I spotlight all four because of technicalities.  Sadly, that is the nature of a very blah month that is further weighed down because most of the women are wearing too much clothing.  But don't worry -- I have already pleasured myself to this month.  Congratulations to Anna and the rest, and I hope Anna has found new and gainful employment.

Please Fuck Me For My Sweetness

So I was invited to a stripper party that was going on yesterday/Saturday.  I would go for only one reason: ****e, with whom I had a couple of wild times in the privacy of a room.  I asked about a month ago if she would be there; if she were, then I would, too.  But she has been ailing -- something with her hand last month, then, when I texted her again yesterday/Saturday morning, something about her hip.  She wasn't going, so I pivoted to doing some Record Store Day stuff instead.

I ask her if she needs anything.  It's not like we're close or anything, but, frankly, she's sucked my dick, so I want to help her if she's in need.  She said she didn't, but she said, "Aw, you're such a sweet guy!"  And I want to be sweet.  And I genuinely want to know if I can help her.  But, and I just noticed this myself, a couple times in the past after a stripper girlfriend has told me I'm sweet for offering to do something, I've gotten some action.  So, um, yes, I am kind of hoping that when ****e, or any stripper, says that, I'm getting sumpin'-sumpin' the next time we meet.  I hope that's an indication that if you're nice to a woman, that woman is willing to do nice, or naughty, things to you.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: March 2026

I have to admit that since the last Hooters in the state closed a few weeks ago, I haven't looked forward to reviewing the Hooters calendar as much.  It seems kind of pointless to point out which Hooters babes are the hottest when I can't see the real thing at the Mall Of America.  But I am duty-bound by my OCD to do this until the end of the year.  And you know, it's gonna be a bit funny to not do these breastaurant calendar reviews after this year ... unless Twin Peaks moves into the Hooters space, like I'm guessing it could.

Anyway, I have looked at all baker's dozen waitresses, and I'm very, very aroused by this month.  And I'm not saying that just because March is my birthday month.  OK, maybe I am a bit.  As you could probably imagine, because it's the month of St. Patrick's Day, many of the girls here are dressed in green, which happens to be my favorite color (probably because March is my birthday month, also granted).  But with all those caveats, I will list eight Hooters servers who caught my eye.

In eighth place is Erica, hailing out of St. Peters, Mo.  Long blonde hair, in a two-piece green bikini (you know, just to save myself some time and finger strokes, assume the Hooters woman is wearing a two-piece green bikini unless I describe what she's wearing).  Nothing else striking about her, but she's directly facing the camera.  Also, since she works in the St. Louis area, I want to think I would be able to have her sign my calendar if I went down there on vacation -- "if" being the operative word since I don't plan on going anywhere big or far on vacation until this current administration is deposed.

In seventh place is Haley, from Hialeah, Fla.  Long, dark brown (maybe black) hair.  She seems to be sitting between two walls made out of logs.  She's also posed three-quarters to the camera, which deprives us of her whole body.  But she's pulling up the sides of her bikini bottom, plus I just noticed that she has (or seems to have) thick hips.  Don't see that every day on a Hooters girl.

In sixth place is Mia, of Weston, Fla.  Curling, dirty blonde hair reaches down to her small tits.  She's also doing the bottom tug thing.  (Come to think of it, most of the waitresses here are doing that.)  Like I said, she's got a petite body.  She looks 18.  But that youth and innocence -- assuming she's of age! -- is really cute to see serving you wings.

In fifth place is Mia, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Think Zendaya.  With curly dark (probably black, possibly brown) hair, she is not wearing a green bikini.  Instead, she's wearing a light blue/periwinkle two-piece.  She's facing almost directly at the cam.  She's got that vertical slit on her stomach, a sign of a slim, lithe body.  Also, she's tugging a bit on the right side of her bottom down.  Forty years ago, that would mean a glimpse of her pussy hair.

In fourth place is Cass, from Buford, Ga.  Light blonde hair that cascades halfway down her body.  Don't know why in the hell she's holding a life preserver.  But she is sporting a red, one-piece, old-school bikini, and it's slit so low down to her stomach that you get a good shot of her left sideboob.  And with her hair thrown over her right shoulder, she looks absolutely gorgeous.

In third place is Karli, out of North Charleston, S C.  Long, jet black hair.  She's directly facing the camera.  She's not so much tugging her bikini bottom so much as pinching the right side of it with her fingers.  She's wearing a belly chain, ooh-la-la.  And you can tell that her tits are fake, but frankly, those bolt-ons look so good on her, I don't care!

Before I proceed with the top two, I want to remind you again that March is the month of St. Patrick's Day.  St. Patrick obviously is from Ireland, and Ireland is known for its redheads.  Thus, you would figure that Hooters would put redheaded Hooters girls in the calendar for March.  And I am a sucker, if not a whore, for redheads, so the two gingers in March '26 complete this list.  Ironically, though, neither of them are wearing anything green, even though that would make sense for the month.  That green and red would also provide, in my humble opinion, a sexy contrast (or would they be complementary to each other?) that has powered many of my sexual fantasies.

In second place, also hailing out of Mesa, Ariz., is Brittany.  She is knee-deep in a pool.  She mostly has her left side flashing toward the camera, which isn't great, but I see a tiny shot of her bikini bottom, and it's cut enough that I think I would see at least half of her ass.  She too throws her long hair over her right shoulder, and that combination, plus her slight grin, makes for an unstoppable picture.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Emma, from ... oh, what a coinky-dink, she's from Mesa, Ariz., too!!!  She is wearing a black, cut-through Hooters tank top and black Hooters bikini bottoms, the left side of which she is grabbing.  Most of her right side is facing the photographer, but that means you can see her left sideboob.  You can also tell she is wearing a (presumably Hooters-themed) bikini top, which is a bummer because I would rather not see anything underneath her tank top.  But she is arching her back to emphasize her hot torso.  She looks sexy posing with pursed lips.  And she has thrown her long hair over her left shoulder.  This photograph is just fucking sex personified, not gonna lie.

So congratulations to Emma, and the other seven hot women comprising an excellent March 2026.  And don't worry -- I already jerked off to y'all!!!

Have I Still Got My Libido At 50?

So after our volunteering event we hung out at a nearby restaurant to watch our alma mater play in the tournament.  And swear to God, there were so many hot women there with bazoombas underneath tight shirts (with bras, boo) that you know were so big they would go "Blammo!" as soon as they were unleashed.  And it probably was the one-off 75-80-degree weather that day that encouraged these hotties to look their hottest.  Damn!

I think I touched myself three out of the last four days.  Probably the aftereffects of feeling hot and horny for the first time on Saturday.  But it also might be me trying to hang onto my youth by convincing myself I could still get it up and unleash my splooge by jerking off as much as I could.  That might also be the reason I am going to try and see ****e this weekend ... or, it might be that I really, truly want to fuck her.

Oh, and there was the hot young thing (but old enough to be legal, trust me!) at Culver's, where I decided to spend money yesterday/Wednesday when I planned on not spending money yesterday/Wednesday, thinking that it's probably the best way to spread out all the free food birthday offers that are about to expire.  Glad I changed my mind, because this blonde was well built, had a huge chest, and wore a tight wifebeater that still showed off her gorgeous belly.  I think I got hard.

Yep, I think I still have a libido at age 50!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: February 2026

Really good month.  I mean, a really good month.  February '26 grew on me over the 28 days.  I think the red (all dozen women for the month are wearing red) is overkill.  Nonetheless, half of the twelve waitresses deserve recognition.

In sixth place is Monique, out of Downers Grove, Ill.  Pure blonde whose straight-ish hair falls just above her belly button.  She is clutching the rails of a pool ladder, but she's completely dry, so it looks like she's descending down it.  She has a slim build with tiny boobies, but her body is mostly front-facing, and it is nice.  Plus, I am amazed by her Rapunzel hair.

In fifth place is The Main Girl, Ireland, hailing from of Madeira Beach, Fla.  Straight and long (it ends around the base of her tits) black hair that looks wet, she is the only one of the dozen not wearing anything red at all.  Instead, she's wearing a pink two-piece with a pink Hooters-branded crop top.  I wish she'd show more, but she has alluring brown eyes that got more hypnotizing as the month went on.

In fourth place is Cameryn, of Round Rock, Tex.  Wavy blonde-ish hair that also cascades just short of her belly, she is mostly front-facing, but her main attraction is holding up her bikini bottom.  That always gets me, and this is no different.

In third place is Jaise, out of Fort Campbell, Tenn.  Platinum blonde whose curly hair ends just below her breasts, she's clutching the string inbetween her boobs, another trick that arouses me.  That blocks showing her whole body, which is completely facing the camera, but the illusion that she's tugging down her bikini top makes up for it, as does her posing straight at the camera, as does her smile.

In second place is Jacksonville's Blakelyn.  Wavy, dark brown hair that reaches halfway down her bust line, she is also tugging her bottom.  She has physical features that are not conventional for a Hooters girl, shall we say, but she's got a fantastic body.  Love her smile, too.  And she's wearing a really good-looking floral print bikini, like a Hawaiian shirt was fashioned into a two-piece.

Finally, in first place is Camryn, of Tucson, Ariz.  Wavy, dark blonde hair that almost touches the small of her back.  I use the back as the reference to how long her hair is and not her front because she is posed sitting to the side of a pool.  Her body is turned away, which usually isn't good.  But it gives us a chance to see her bikini bottom, which, to my delight, exposes about half of her really nice ass.  The automatic #1 stipulation kicks in; by default, she is the hottest babe this month.

So congratulations to Camryn, and to all the other half-dozen servers for February 2026.  And don't worry -- I have already touched myself to all of you!!!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: January 2026

Almost the first full month where I have the Hooters calendar back up on my wall so I can see it every day.  So I think I can say with some authority that ... this may be one of the worst months I have ever seen.  Again, I'm not saying that all the servers for this month or ghastly to look at.  But I can only pick out two of the dozen women here for special recognition, and frankly, the babe in second I am pointing out based on a guess.  The other pictures don't do anything for me, sorry to say.

The waitress in second place is Madison, from Weston, Fla.  Wavy dark blonde hair that ends at the bottom of her chest.  Her attire makes her look like a company girl.  She has orange bikini bottoms and is wearing a black Hooters crop top. It's the kind I used to see on Hooters women way back in the day, where it cuts off high on the waist so it shows off the Hooters girl's midriff.  That would be sexy as fuck to see in the restaurant, but for swimwear it looks a bit overdressed.  I am taking it on faith, however, that she is not wearing anything underneath the crop, which kind of makes up for size of the top.

And in first place is Emily, of Hampton, Va.  Wavyer dark blonde hair that reaches belly height, she is wearing a black-and-yellow two-piece.  Posing almost fully at the camera, she places her left hand against a stood-up surfboard while her right hand pulls up on her bikini bottom.  She's got a nice body, and I love her wide smile.  She's fucking gorgeous.

And, that's it.  So congratulations to Emily for winning.  And no worries -- I have already masturbated to these two!

The Downside To Having A Neighbor Who's Looking Out For You

As I have told all of you, my sister's childhood best friend lives a couple houses down from me/us with her wife and their baby.  We text from time to time, but we have been in touch more since her mom passed in December.  I wanted to give her me and my family's sympathies, and then I wished her Happy Holidays, and then this fucking occupation from our goddamn Republican government began, and that is when I really started to text/bug her about sightings and, if need be, having each other's backs if the shit hits the fan.

She has a background in security, plus she has always been observant, so in the days when I got really scared about them patrolling our neighborhood and even our street, I felt, and feel, good that she will at the very least let me know if she sees something scary.  I have not been one to reach out and be friendly to neighbors, but if and when the time comes to band together, that is when it's beneficial, if not vital, to know who the people who live next and close to you are.

With all that said ... a man has needs, and for the first time since my parents finally skedaddled, I asked one of my stripper girlfriends, ******e, to come over and play with me.  She was late, of course, and this was when I came home from downtown watching the EPL after waking up early enough to see some soccer.  My body, with the help of the Bloody Mary I had, told me to rest while I waited for her.

I woke up to both a knock on the door and a buzz from my phone.  Naturally, I checked my phone first.  There was a text -- not from ******e, whom I asked to let me know when she was close, but from my sister's best friend.  She said she saw a car pull up to the driveway, and did I expect it.  And this is what I feared: Her doing the neighborly thing all too well.

I have, or had, kept to myself because I didn't want anybody peeping on my business, especially my illicit one.  And yes, I have known her for a long, long time, so it's possible that she has seen cars come up to my house before.  But I haven't asked her to watch over me in case people are taking me away until now.  And now I know for sure that she has been looking.

So I race down the door to open it and invite ******e in.  That's when I had to think of a reply, so I just said, "Yeah, I was expecting company," and then for some goddamn reason I went, "Don't tell anyone!"  Great, now I have given her reason to think I am doing something my parents don't know I'm doing.

Look, I don't think she'd tell my folks.  After all, my parents refused to attend her mother's funeral, even though they were home and the service was virtually down the street.  My folks made her mom egg rolls, and she loved them.  That's a connection that should be celebrated, or at least memorialized, as she was laid to rest.  But they declined to go, and Mother's knee is a bullshit excuse, even though Mother never raised it (and no, I didn't ask why they didn't want to go).

So that makes me think that there's no way my sister's best friend would just blurt out one day to them that I had a chick come over.  But, would she tell my sister?  Maybe.  And that's what scares me.  I hope she plays it cool and understand I'm an adult.  And I don't think I can now ask her not to look when a suspicious car drives up to my house; these assholes are still around.  But I don't think I am going to stop asking my stripper girlfriends to come over, either.  In fact, I think I am going to ask *****y to drop by, and then, hopefully, ****e* will have time the following week to clean my house.  Will she suspect something if she sees a pattern of cars drive up to the house?  And if so, will she tell?

It's weird to think that she might be thinking I'm having sex workers at my house, I'll tell you that much.

I Still Live In A Safe, Peaceful Neighborhood

So I ended my lockdown -- which, once I stepped a bit after 9 at night, totalled a bit more than 75 hours -- I was confronted with a very nice surprise.  Not one but two of my packages, comprising of several of the many items I ordered online at once, were at my stoop.  I thought they would get here after my lockdown, but apparently that wasn't the case.

So I checked online.  As is often the case, their initial days of delivery were moved up.  One package, which were two windshield wipers, came, according to them, on Thursday.  The other package, a two-pack of water filters, arrived Saturday.  So, if they're right about when they actually arrived, I had two packages, one stacked on top of the other, sitting outside my front door, for one and three days?  And no one stole them???  I've heard of the rampant scourge of package thieves, and I don't doubt it, but I have to be honest with you, it's never happened to me, at least not yet.  I've come home late into the night to see packages at my stoop and I've wondered how no one has taken them.  But one day would be a record.  Three days, though?  It's pretty much a miracle that both packages were still there.

Or, maybe I live in a neighborhood where people respect other people's stuff, and don't feel the urge to take things that are not theirs because they have stuff of their own.  For as unsafe and scared I have felt these days, that's a reminder that this place is still pretty safe and peaceful, Buddha bless it.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: December 2025

Pretty good.  Maybe even great, now that I think about it.  Out of the dozen waitresses for this month, I will single out five of them for notable beauty, and I'm not reaching or being charitable about that number.

In fifth place is Natalia, hailing from Doral, Fla.  Straight black hair, wearing a very light pink two-piece.  She is posing with her right side to the camera and is sticking her ass up against ... something.  It's the ass that qualifies her for this list: Even though we could only see it from the side, from the little top of the bikini bottom I can see, I can confidently conclude that she is wearing a bikini bottom that exposes a lot of her (what I presume to be) nice ass.  Can I see it?  No.  But I think she's wearing something risque, so I am putting her here in fifth.  For a Hooters woman really showing ass, read all the way to the bottom.

In fourth place is The Main Girl, Sara, out of Daytona Beach, Fla.  Blonde hair parted in the middle, falling just below her breasts.  She is leaning up against ... uh, wood of some kind, and she throws her left arm above her head.  At three-quarters angle she sports a nice body.  Her smile and face are also nice.  What I like best is her two-piece bikini, a lively and very detailed one, with chains and jewelry festooning both its top and bottom.  Haven't seen a bikini quite like that in the calendar ever.

In third place is Selena, from Pembroke Pines, Fla.  Not a fan of her holding her left arm in front of her because it obscures her stomach.  Otherwise, there are a couple unique things I really like about this babe.  For one, you don't see Hooters girls with curly hair, like you see from this brunette.  For two, while the top of her white (or is it very faint pink?) two-piece is a banded one so you don't see cleavage or a whole lot of her tits, both the top and bottoms are decorated with balls attached by short pieces of string.  This is another bikini the likes of which I haven't seen before in this calendar.  And oh yeah -- her smile beams!

In second place is Mckenzie, hailing from Weston, Fla.  Dark brown hair that lands on her shoulders, she is wearing a hot pink two-piece bikini where the top looks like a vest.  It is pressed so tightly against her boobs that it's created cleavage deeper than the Little Colorado River Gorge.  Add that she's looking like she's pulling down on the almost-completely-open zipper holding the vest top together, this is a winning look.  And oh yeah -- her smile is also radiant!

Finally, in first place is Orlando's Alyssa.  Deep brown hair that gets down to the middle of her back, she is sporting a solid red two-piece.  She seems to be posed like she's manning the wheel of a speedboat.  Not a fan of her posing with her right side towards us.  In fact, if you want to get technical, she is posing a bit away from the camera.  However, that pose gives us a good peek at her bikini bottom, and you can clearly see that bottom is cut to show off 75-80% her soft ass.

So, congratulations to Alyssa and all the other fine honeys for December 2025.  This was a really good end to the calendar.  And oh yeah -- I jerked off to these lovely ladies tonight just before I did this!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: November 2025

Gosh, I am so, so late to do this one.  I just wanted to wait till my parents were out of the house, but maybe I should've done this in December anyway.

Maybe I could've used more time looking at this month on my wall, but of the dozen servers for this month, I will single out only three of them in what is a below-average month.

In third place is The Main Girl, Chicago's Alyssa.  Dark brown hair that ends at the bottom of her breasts, I like best her light pink two-piece bikini, which looks as though it's been knitted.  Her Mona Lisa smile and figure (she's just standing and completely facing the camera) are pretty good, too.

In second place is Riley, from Sarasota, Fla.  She also has dark brown hair, though it ends just a tad above the bottom of her boobs.  She is posing at an angle, but she's also tugging up the bottoms of her hot pink two-piece, which I like, as if, if I get to look real close, I can see her pussy.  I really like her slight grin as well.

Finally, in first place is Gracie, out of Brandon, Fla.  Also dark brown hair, but hers stops below the shoulders.  Standing straight at the camera, she fits her left thumb through the ring that connects the bottoms to the tops of what becomes a black one-piece bikini.  The top is more like an athletic top, not like what you expect from a traditional bikini top, so don't get to see too much titty or cleavage.  But the open hole of her bikini exposes her slim tummy, and that's nice.  Also, she shifts her body weight to her right leg, so that "S" bend gives her figure a sexy shape.  Finally, she gives a devastating Mona Lisa smile.

So, congratulations to Gracie and to the others whom I've talked about.  If I am still a free man and get home tonight/Friday night, I might have time to touch myself to all of you!

Addendum To: On Money -- When I Spend It And When I Complain About Spending It

OK, so this is what I did on Sunday.

I was still feeling the pull of the Megamall.  Moreover, I was feeling the pull of Grand Casino Arena, which was staging both Semifinals of the World Juniors.  I stay pretty late after Vikings Games to make sure the traffic thins out, but I could move it up and still leave without getting stuck.  So I formulated a plan to go down to the Mall Of America, buy some stuff at the pop-up store, eat at Popeye's (I had this digital coupon of three tenders for a buck), then drive to downtown St. Paul.  If I could find parking close enough to the arena (parking meters aren't enforced in St. Paul on Sundays, so yay for me), I would park, buy a ticket, then see the second Semi at 7:30.

That last bit was buoyed in part by the prices I saw at scalper sites.  I checked after Friday night's Quarterfinals, which included the United States losing to Finland in Overtime.  I thought the prices would crater because the host U. S. was no longer in it, but prices were too high for me to entertain.  In fact, I think StubHub told me there were no tickets to sell.  But I checked again Saturday, and not only were there many tickets, prices were falling like a stone.  SeatGeek's cheapest ticket Friday night was $93; it became about $50 Saturday, and while at work, I checked again and it fell to $39.  That's it, man; even though I was tired as hell and I would be driving all around the Twin Cities, I decided to do all this.

Well, first of all, me eating so much after the Game that I had to shit really bad threw the Popeye's deal out the window.  I felt this push out of my asshole while I was driving down to MOA, and if you know that feeling, it feels like you're about to fucking shit your pants so bad everyone will see and point at you and laugh.  Scariest feeling in the world, am I right?

But I made it to the public men's room next to the doors at MOA, aka the last place I would want to evacuate my bowels, but of course, I had no choice.  This diarrhea attack made me second-guess if I should even try and go to the Game.  Good thing, then, that I didn't plan on buying a ticket unless I found a space to park in St. Paul.

Systems back to normal, I went to the pop-up.  That orange quarter-zip that probably was going to be the thing I buy?  Well, it went from one or two of those to six or seven.  Unfortunately, the only sizes available were small and extra-large.  This was something I saw with several popular items while I was browsing for World Juniors clothing.  I couldn't buy that, and nothing else there interested me.  So I didn't buy anything there, like I thought I would.  Yeah, it was kind of a waste driving down there.  But I had to know.

Didn't feel the urge to crap after that excretory meltdown when I cashed in the winning Powerball tickets I bought (oh yeah, I did that, too) on my way out to the car, so I felt good going to the arena.  And maybe I shouldn't be surprised considering the half-empty crowds at Mariucci Arena for group and Quarterfinal Games, but I found a spot easy-peasy.  And so I turned off the car, leaned my seat back, and looked at SeatGeek and StubHub for a ticket to that 7:30 Game.  And I was surprised, and disappointed, that somehow prices for that Game went back up.  It can't be demand; these scalper sites are running fucking algorithms to maximize prices.  Makes me so goddamn frustrated.  But hey, I got there, and I wanted to go, so I bought a ticket for Canada-Czechia for, hrmph, $50.

By the way, great Game.  Back and forth, but the Czechs got the upset (even though this is the third straight year the country eliminated the Canadians), 6-4.  (That Semifinal, by the way, was delayed from its scheduled start because the first Semi went past Overtime into a Shootout, where Sweden slipped past Finland, 4-3.)  I'm glad I went, and this is the World Juniors, so maybe I shouldn't bitch so much over the price of the ticket.  Anyway, I had plenty of time to check out the merchandise tables at the "Gicka."  You remember my obsession/fear about "exclusivity," buying items that I could only find at Mariucci or the pop-up store at the Mall Of America?  Well, that OCD blew up in my face.  That hoodie with the huge 2026 IIHF World Juniors logo right on the front that I bought at Mariucci?  Saw it there.  And I also saw the Paul Bunyan & Babe t-shirts I also bought at Mariucci, as well as the first pair of t-shirts I bought, the ones that had the flags on the hockey blades on the front I bought at the pop-up.  Oh, and the pin, too.

So, when it comes to buying things that appeared to be at only one place, I got the scarf that I bought down at MOA and the winter hat with the logo on a plate stitched on it at Mariucci.  All the other stuff I bought I could've bought at any of the three places.  And the scarf and hat, for all I know, were being sold at the other two places before they sold out.  I'll rest in the peace of my ignorance.  But I think I could've been more judicious about what I would've bought if I could've went to Grand Casino Arena for that Sunday group stage Game if not for the snowstorm that blew in that day.  I think I would've gone up to the merch tables, realize that most if not all the items were the same as that at Mariucci, realize that some of the things I saw down at the Megamall I didn't see there (and vice versa), and purchased accordingly.  But now I have a lot of things that, right now, I'm not cool with (see Title of blog post).

But hey, it was the World Juniors!

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: October 2025

It's almost the end of November and I haven't had time to research October.  But, even with a quick glance, I find this month to be quite underwhelming.  I might call it The Worst Month In Hooters Calendar History, but that wouldn't be fair because if this is not the first time I perused the month, I don't remember it.

There are only ten girls this month, and I will single out four of them.  The top two are on top based on a technicality I should revisit.  Without further ado:

In fourth place is Anna, out of Grand Prairie, Tex.  Pure blonde whose hair reaches down to her belly button, she is sporting a deep blue two-piece bikini.  Her top hides her small boobs, but I love her posing with her left wrist on top of her head while she is leaning against a wall.  Her bikini bottom is tied up with what looks like 70 feet of string, what with how it's tying up her bikini bottom.  But that hair, man, that hair ...

In third place is Anastasia, hailing from North Arlington, Tex.  She is wearing a pink/salmon one-piece that is cut out on one side, if that makes any sense.  But she has very light and wavy red hair, and I am a sucker for redheads.  Also, she has a beautiful face.

In second place is Fort Worth's Ruby.  She's wearing either a dark green or black (yeah, maybe I'm weird for not being able to distinguish between those two colors) two-piece bikini, and her wavy brown hair reaches her hips.  She's posed with her left side to the camera.  I don't see her ass, but I can see from the angle of her bikini bottom that she is showing ass while wearing that swimsuit -- not a whole lot, but technically, that's nudity, and so I am ranking her above all others (except one).  I am not seeing her ass, though, I'm mostly projecting, so I might have to rethink or make more exceptions to my "ass = #1" rule.

And that rule applies to the Hooters server in first place, The Main Girl, Chyna, out of Fort Lauderdale Beach, Fla.  The reason there are only two women this month is because her photo takes up the top half of the month.  She is lying on her front.  She is wearing a black two-piece dotted with white ... somethings or other.  She has piercing light brown eyes, though.  Also, she too looks as though she is exposing her ass from what little of her bikini bottom I can see by the way she is posed.  Moreover, I can say with confidence that she is more ass, and that is why she gets the top spot.

Like I said, I might have to revise my rule so that I need to see a Hooters woman's ass in the picture before I elevate her above everyone else.  Till then, congratulations to Chyna and to the other three women.  I ... might have the time to beat off to y'all, but if I do, it won't be any time soon.  Sorry!

I totally need some relief tomorrow/Sunday, and I'll get that when I see ****e -- I think.  I thought I was going to see her a few Sundays ago, but her door was locked and I had no way to contact her asking what was up.  She texted me a few hours later that she was home, but by that time I was home.  I was perturbed, but she is the only one who'd do me like she does, so I kept my text short in case I needed her again ... and I do, tomorrow/Sunday.  God, I hope she's there.  She said so, even in the morning, when I'll be in her area.

I guess it was inevitable, even though I held out longer than I would have if I were younger.  But dammit, this wave of horniness has enveloped me this weekend, so I have had to surreptitiously rub one out each of the past two nights.  Well, when a man has to, a man has to, I guess.  I just hope I haven't got caught ... and I hope that I have cleaned up everywhere in the bathroom I needed to.  Because if I leave a trace of my, uh, life essence, and if someone sees -- or, worse, feels -- it ... sheesh. ...

If I participated in The Contest on Seinfeld, I want to think I already had won before last night.

Hottest Babe In The Hooters Calendar: September 2025

For this month, I don't know if a whole month of absorbing it while ensconced on a wall would change my evaluation that this is a below average month.  I think I can point out four of the baker's dozen that festoons Sep. '25.

In fourth place is a dual entry, the twins Holly and Amber out of Kissimmee, Fla.  I must've seen these twins in previous calendars.  Here, the women with light brown hair that impressively cascades down to their waists are wearing white wifebeater tops that have the Hooters logo and are cut off just below the tits, and thin purple bottoms.  They're beautiful, don't get me wrong, but the idea of twins posing in a swimsuit calendar gets them on the board.

In third place is Nikki, hailing from Mesa, Ariz.  Long, dark black hair, she is wearing a re-dish and yellow (think Starburst) one-piece bikini.  She has pale skin and is smiling only faintly, but she is beautiful, and she stands out for not being your typical-looking Hooters waitress.  She can actually pass as punk or goth, to be honest.  And even though she is posing with her side facing us, she does give us a little side boob.

In second place is Amber, of Melbourne, Fla.  Wavy blonde hair that reaches her breasts, she is sporting a deep blue two-piece bikini with an "X" on the top of the fabric covering both tits.  She's quarter-turned towards/away from the camera, but she has a tremendous body and a gorgeous face.  Just flat-out sexy.

Finally, in first place is The Main Girl, Sophie from Madison, Wisc.  Straight-ish blonde hair that finishes just below breast level, she has a simple pink two-piece on.  She is thigh deep in a pool, and even though she is completely dry, she is standing straight at the camera, showing off her delectable bod.  It helps that this is the biggest photograph in the month; that only amplifies her sexiness.  And I've got to say that's impressive that The Main Girl is from the corn-fed climes of Wisconsin!

So congratulations to Sophie and the rest of the best from September 2025.  Do not worry; I have already mastrubated to all of you!

I Should Try Getting Off Of Social Media

Well, ever since the Jynx lost in Game 2 on Tuesday I was dreading the worst.  And I knew that if I came across bad news, I would do so while scrolling through Twitter or Bluesky.  So I did my best to stay off of them.  I think I've blog posted before that the urge to look was strong, so strong that I think I'm addicted to it.  But, I did.

And you know what?  I didn't feel bad.  The feeling that I was missing out on something was still there, believe me.  But that subsided since I started my self-ban.  Moreover, I was able to concentrate more on watching TV.  I have complained about missing key plays (such as Goals in soccer) because I would always take even a short lull in play to pick up my phone and start looking.  Yesterday/Sunday, knowing I wanted to say away from all things Jynx, I just curled up in my bed and watched the NFL ... well, when I wasn't passed out and taking naps.  Those are good ways to note doomscroll, too.  But all day I went without checking social media, and I felt alright.

Alas, since I do The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey, at some point I had to learn about what happened.  I was going to wait till today/Monday to hear any montage from The Common Man Progrum to tell me.  When I reached for my phone to see how charged it was, a notification from The Athletic app told me what I had feared, indeed the worst-case scenario: Minnesota indeed lost Games 3 and 4 and were summarily eliminated from the WNBA Playoffs.  My full autopsy on this abortion of a season will go up on Tuesday, but suffice it to say, this is one of the all-time chokejobs in Minnesota sports history.

With that seal broken, I declared the self-ban broken, and I went back on Twitter and Bluesky again.  This time I knew full well that not only did I want to see a reason as to how the Jynx fucked up this championship run, I wanted to see tweets and skeets reflecting my hate of this failure of a team -- "Yeah, anonymous person whom I don't even know could be a Russian bot -- insult all of those worthless players!  You dumb motherfuckers fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!"  And then I saw the litany of tweets and skeets about what Trump did and said, and all the ICE raids happening in the country, and all the rude and mean things Republicans said and did over the weekend ... and then I remember that whenever I go on social media, I get very upset and angry.  In fact, social media is engineered to get you upset and angry.  And then I remembered how I felt since Tuesday, when I just didn't go on social media.  Sure, the urge to see what I was missing out was there.  But I was a hell of a lot less upset and angry.  And now, come to think of it, being clued into what I'm missing out on isn't worth the rage that boils inside me whenever I scroll.

I liked how I felt when I wasn't constantly going through social media.  And maybe this will cost me being a more attuned sports fan and American citizen, but I don't know if I want to do it anymore.  Maybe these past few days of being clueless is actually beneficial to my soul ... and maybe I should stay off of it, permanently, for my health and mental well-being.