I guess it was inevitable, even though I held out longer than I would have if I were younger.  But dammit, this wave of horniness has enveloped me this weekend, so I have had to surreptitiously rub one out each of the past two nights.  Well, when a man has to, a man has to, I guess.  I just hope I haven't got caught ... and I hope that I have cleaned up everywhere in the bathroom I needed to.  Because if I leave a trace of my, uh, life essence, and if someone sees -- or, worse, feels -- it ... sheesh. ...

If I participated in The Contest on Seinfeld, I want to think I already had won before last night.