Before I begin, I need to note that I should be spending more time on this WMNSS that I will be -- not only because there are eleven teams I need to cover, but this past Week may have been The Worst Week In Minnesota Sports Ever. (I know I say that a lot, but this time, I mean it. And I'll mean that the next time I say it, too.) But I need to wake up early to go to work, and I will go to work in the first snowstorm of the year, and there is no driver in the world worse than a Minnesota driver upon the first snowstorm of the year. So I am going to cut all these teams short shrift, then go to bed:
#-1: Wild (Last Week: -4). Thank Buddha for the Wild. They went 3-0 this screening Week, defeating The Bastard Hartford Whalers at home (albeit via a Shootout, hence why this club's still in negative numbers), then went on the road and notched back-to-back Shutouts in Pittsburgh and Winnipeg. Jesper Wallstedt, drafted as a Goalie wunderkind who was awful last season, has been backstopping their success (literally and figuratively), which has shaken off their bad start and now have them in a playoff birth. And they've won five in a row, too.
They play in Chicago tonight/Wednesday night, then come home to play their annual Black Friday afternoon Game vs. The Bastard Quebec Nordiques and then Buffalo the following evening. They then visit Edmonton Tuesday.
This is a way to finish the regular season: At home, but versus eleventh-ranked Purdue tonight/Wednesday night/Thanksgiving Eve, then vs. tenth-ranked Wisconsin late Black Friday night.
#-3: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -10). Split at home against fifth-ranked Penn St. These motherfuckers lost to Long Island at home!!! Only one Game this screening Week -- at fourth-ranked Denver Saturday night.
#-4: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3). Still not convinced. Yes, they beat South Florida by a dozen Monday afternoon in the Baha Mar Hoops Pink Flamingo Championship. But in the true test of their non-conference schedule, they faltered late and were beaten at Kansas, in a true road Game, by six. I don't think these Jayhawks are a wagon, so if the U. was going to take the next step, they should've beaten them. But they didn't.
They play Alabama this/Wednesday afternoon in the championship Game, I think, of this tournament in the Bahamas. They then host Samford Monday.
#-5: Timberwolves (Last Week: -6). I'm starting to hate this team, and I don't think I'm the only one. They started off beating lowly Washington at home, but then have gone on the road and blown leads and lost in tilts to Phoenix and Sacramento. Apparently, they also were talking shit before both choke jobs, too. A team that has fallen short in The Western Conference Finals in back-to-back Years but is now underachieving shouldn't be doing that. And the Loss to The Bastard Rochester Royals represents the first defeat the Woofie Dogs have had to a squad with a losing record. They were unbeaten against them up to Monday ... and they were, and are, winless vs. teams with winning records. Basically they are exactly who you think the Woofs are ... until Monday.
They're at The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics tonight/Wednesday night, host Boston late Saturday afternoon (?!) and San Antonio the next evening, then are at New Orleans Tuesday.
#-6: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -7). Lost by a dozen to San Francisco in Sioux Falls, S. D. Like I always say, I give a mulligan to a Head Coach's first season. That's why this club's the best of the winless teams this Week.
For Thanksgiving, they are in Palm Desert, Calif., for the 2025 Acrisure Series. They play Stanford Thanksgiving night, then either Saint Louis or Santa Clara the next night.
#-7: Gopher football (Last Week: -8). It feels as though (I don't have time to research if this is really true) that P. J. Fleck's Goofers are good for one howler, losing to a team they should beat. That happened Saturday, when, in Wrigley Field, they blew a 28-13 lead and allowed Northwestern to score 22 Points straight to take the lead. The U. needed to score just to get into Overtime, and then Jack Olsen had a Field Goal to send the contest to a second OT ... but he hooked it left.
Fleck isn't getting the U. over the hump. But really, who are you going to get who's better?
They finish the season hosting Wisconsin, a team that looked like they'd be a pushover, but have won two-of-three. The battle for Paul Bunyan's Axe will be a contested one.
#-8: Vikings (Last Week: -9). Green Bay is not that good of a team. But the Vikes lost anyway, and the six Points they couldn't help but muster is squarely on the shoulders of J. J. McCarthy. I was busy mulching leaves in my yards, but people who deigned to watch the Game were alarmed at how far "Nine" has regressed, and that's fucking scary. I will say that the Offensive Line is failing again; McCarthy was sacked five times, and one of his two Interceptions came from a deflected ball by an oncoming rusher. But yes, J-Mac is becoming a big issue. And it wouldn't've been an issue if the Vikings didn't say they could fly this plane as they built it.
And McCarthy is now in concussion protocol. It seems fishy, but apparently there is video evidence of a hit. That means that Max Brosmer, the backup QB/The Most Like Player On The Team, will probably start when they visit Seattle and their top-rated Defense. The season was virtually over after losing at home to Chicago (who leads the Division!!), but now it's really over.
#-10: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -5). This is unacceptable. Sure, South Dakota St. is ranked, but they're ranked 18th, the Gopher grapplers are ranked seventh ... and, well, they're South Dakota St. But the Jackrabbits upset them last/Tuesday night -- and at home, too. Of SDSU's six Dual victories, five of them were upsets of a lower-ranked or unranked Jack beating a higher-ranked or ranked Goof. The most embarrassing upset came at 125 Pounds, where fourth-ranked Jore Volk lost to South Dakota St.'s Brady Roark, ranked 21st, 6-4. It was the first Dual of the night; little did the Maturi Pavilion crowd know then what they were in for. Glad I wasn't fuckin' there.
They're taking a Week off, and shit, they fucking need it.
#-11: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -2). ... I think that pales in comparison to the Gopher lady icers -- the second-ranked lady icers -- getting fucking swept by, of all goddamn teams, Minnesota State-Mankato. No offense to the Mavericks, but ... they're fucking Minnesota State-Mankato. And not only did they lose both contests of a home-and-home, but they got beat handily: 3-1 here, 4-1 there. I thought that was the first goddamn time these Goofers capitulated to an inferior program, but apparently the Mavs did this to the U. back in 2006. OK, so it's not unprecedented, but it's still pretty fuckin' shameful. What a joke.
Home-and-home with St. Thomas in two Weeks. Hey, maybe the Tommies can sweep these underachievers, too!
#-Infinity: United FC (Re-Entry!). Of course they can't beat an expansion side, falling at San Diego FC Monday, 1-0. Season's over. Many fans believe that the in-season selling of Tani Oluwaseyi is the main reason they couldn't progress past the last eight. I say they couldn't win because they're a Minnesota sports team.
I have nothing else to say about this, so I want to say a quick word about recent word that Major League Soccer will change its calendar so that they start seasons in mid-July and finish around Memorial Weekend. I hate it. I'll expound on the big-world implications some other time (maybe), but now I want to say that the early part of the season now falls in the fall, when I am busy with game-watching organizing and working Vikings Games. MLS' current schedule, where they start around February and finish in early December, works much better -- for the league, I believe, but especially for me. And now, because I don't think I can regularly get to see all Loons home Games, I might have to give up my season ticket. And I fucking hate that.
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