Wednesday, November 5, 2025

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Vikings (Last Week: -6).  Nope, I sure as shit did not see this coming.  I thought they would march into Detroit and walk out pissing and shitting down their legs after the Lions beat their asses.  It would have been their third defeat in a row, accelerating talk that this should be a rebuilding year and the main goal for the rest of the season is to see if J. J. McCarthy is The One.

I keep forgetting that the NFL is The Best League In The World because you don't know what the fuck is going to happen week to week.  Playing ten Days after their worst Loss in quite some time, where no player wearing purple seemed prepared to be on the same field as The Los Angeles Chargers, they confidently went into Ford Field and eked out a close but well-earned 27-24 Win.  It ranks up there with that historic comeback Victory over The Bastard Baltimore Colts as The Best Win in The Kevin O'Connell Era.

It looks like it matters very much when you get your best players back from injury.  Especially Andrew Van Ginkel, the Linebacker who helped control the Detroit run game and sacked Lions Quarterback Jared Goff five times.  Meanwhile, the Vikings run game looked stout and even mighty at times, a testament to how the Offensive (as well as the Defensive) Line actually dictated the tenor of the Game.  It looked like Minnesota was pushing Detroit around on both sides of the ball, something I didn't think could happen even if the Vikes were at 100%.  And still, the Lions had a chance to win it at the end.  But McCarthy, who had an up-and-down performance, came through in the clutch, firing a Pass to Jalen Nailor that gave Minnesota a First Down under two Minutes that allowed them to crouch in Victory Formation until time ran out.

Yes, Minnesota is 4-4 and, technically, in last place in the NFC North Division.  But given they just beat a Super Bowl contender at their house, and suddenly hopes springs anew.  For sure that's why they get the top spot this screening Week, and why they get to rise above negative numbers.  But now they have to parlay this upswing in hope at home vs. The Bastard Cleveland Browns, who, like the Vikings, had high expectations but have underachieved in the face of injury so far this season.  Both clubs want to get onto better playoff footing, but only one team will actually do it.  We will see who on Sunday.

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (NEW SEASON!!).  Year 3 of The Dawn Plitzuweit Era began with a 91-47 immolation of North Dakota at Williams Arena last/Tuesday night.  While her Gophers won the WBIT last season, I was hoping the upward trajectory would be a bit higher by now.  Still, there is an expectation that the U. will finally get into the NCAA Tournament.  We shall see.  In the meantime, they continue the four-Game homestand that begins their season with tilts versus Manhattan on Friday and, and this is nothing to sneeze at, Marquette on Tuesday.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (NEW SEASON!!).  This is Year 1 of The Niko Medved Era.  Ben Johnson was a nice guy who has maroon and gold in his DNA, but I can see why Mark Coyle decided to end his tenure as Head Coach after four Years.  Coyle brought in who any Athletic Director would bring in to jumpstart a program: A hotshot Coach from a lower school who should flashes of brilliance, hopefully within the NCAA Tournament.  Oh, and it helps that Medved is from Roseville.

And the Gophs started out well, crushing Gardner-Webb at The Barn Monday, 87-60.  We'll see how this works, but I always rely on my edict -- give a Head Coach in their first Year a mulligan.  Oh, by the way, I ranked the male b-ballers below the female ones because of lower margin of victory.

They host Alcorn St. early Saturday afternoon.

#-3: Gopher football (Last Week: -5).  Michigan St. may be The Worst Team In The Big Ten (although two once-proud programs, Wisconsin and Penn St., might give the Spartans a run for their money), and yet the Golden Gophers only beat them in OT Saturday, 23-20.  This is the kind of struggle-against-a-bad-opponent result too indicative of The P. J. Fleck Era when they should be beating such clubs as a matter of course.  But hey, this isn't the Minnesota of the Bronco Nagurski years.  What is Coyle going to do, fire Fleck when LSU, Penn St., Florida and UCLA are looking for Head Coaches, too?  All you can do is shrug and accept the Wins no matter how hard they come.

Oh, winning isn't coming for the U.'s next Game.  They are at Oregon on the 14th.

#-4: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  The good news is is that they shook off that inexplicable loss to The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers last Wednesday (via a miracle by Austin Reaves) with Wins at Charlotte and Brooklyn.  But those two squads suck.  Without considering the opponent, the T-Wolves appear to be blending in solidly on Offense, particularly Julius Randle, but so far, the intensity on Defense that was there the last two Years has yet to show up.  Maybe it will -- and definitely it should -- show up on this busy screening Week.  The Wolves visit Karl-Anthony Towns and The New York Knicks in Madison Square Garden tonight/Wednesday night, then they travel home to host The Bastard New Orleans Jazz in their first NBA Cup Game, then travel again to face The Bastard Rochester Royals Sunday night and Utah (again) Monday night.

#-5: Wild (Last Week: -8).  Still not liking the vibes.  They began the screening Week losing emphatically at home to Pittsburgh Thursday, 4-1.  It was so bad that certain players refused to speak to The Media, which is a sign of an immature, unprofessional team, if I may say.  But they wrapped what would have been a horrid long homestand with a pair of Wins.  Saturday's 5-2 victory was nice.  Last/Tuesday's 3-2 Win over Nashville had to go into Overtime because Steven Stamkos scored for the Predators with .3 Seconds left, and then the Wild were awarded the Win on a Goal by Marcus Johansson even though the Preds' net was dislodged.

They're still near the bottom of the West, though.  And now they have to go on the road to start a busy Week: The Bastard Hartford Whalers tomorrow/Thursday night, at The New York Islanders Friday, then home to face The Bastard Atlanta Flames (Sunday) and San Jose (Tuesday).

#-6: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  The good news is that they went to Madison and beat top-ranked Wisconsin on Halloween, 5-1.  The bad news is that they lost to the Badgers the next night by a score of 7-2.  Did Wisconsin just allow Minnesota to win on Friday, or is this a sign the Gophers can finally hang with one of the true powers of women's hockey?  I really don't know.  But through half of the eight regular season Games that only matter, they're 2-2.  Could be better, could be worse.

The squad has the weekend off before hosting Bemidji St.  While the Saturday afternoon contest will be at Ridder Arena, the one Friday afternoon will be at Mariucci Arena.

#-7: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -3).  At home this Week they swept Illinois Wednesday, but lost to my alma mater in five Sets Saturday.  Don't know what to make of that, but one volleyball maven on a chatboard I lurk from time to time says the Gophs are a 4-Seed and thus get to host the first two rounds of the NCAA Tournament.  Unfortunately, the ol' resume is going to get a couple blotches because this might be The Worst Regular Season Week In Program History: They are at 11th-ranked Wisconsin tonight/Wednesday night, then host top-ranked Nebraska Saturday afternoon.

#-8: United FC (Last Week: -2).  Yeah, this is what I was afraid of.  Our oppressors, The Seattle Sounders, tied up their First Round series with the Loons (very) late Monday night with what I consider to be a fairly solid 4-2 Win in Seattle.  It was the kind of victory over MNUFC that is typical of their outings at Lumen: They made it 3-0 right near the end of the First Half.  I am heartened, just a bit, that United FC stormed back with two Goals in First Half Injury Time; Nectarios Triantis got the Loons on the board in the 45th+1, then old reliable Robin Lod drew another one back in the 4th+5.  They just couldn't score the equalizer, and Obed Vargas scored his second to shut the door.

So the series is tied going into Saturday afternoon's rubber match back at Allianz.  It kicks off at 3, which is kind of a pain in the ass because my sister is doing something until 1:30 and I think the whole area will be buzzing for Game 3.  Minnesota might not be a main draw in MLS, but Seattle is, and yet both Hell Is Real and Miami-Nashville will play later in the evening.  Regardless, as much as I hope they break free of their chains and advance to the Quarterfinals, I have a bad feeling that I and all Loons fans will leave the stadium disappointed, again.

#-9: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -7).  I forgot that this program lost so many veterans during the offseason.  Maybe their rank threw me off, or I thought that the young talent wearing the "M" sweater will be able to get quickly.  I was wrong, decisively so, after these lambs to the slaughter went to Madison (maybe along with the U. female icers) and got swept by scores of 5-2 (Thursday) and 4-0 (Saturday).  I don't remember the last time this team lost four Games in a row.  Anyway, they must be unranked now (when's the last time that happened?), and they host Notre Dame for Games Friday and Saturday.  It might be a long Year ahead for these guys.

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