I was planning on going home because I was, well, spent. But *****y, even though she wasn't technically hosting (*****a was because it was her birthday), she wouldn't let me leave until I stayed there for a while longer. *****a had made me a strong frozen margarita a few hours before, and *****y didn't want me to just drive off. Now, this is not the first time *****y has asked me not to leave so soon after a house party. Also, and make of this what you wish, I felt fine driving home. (She has continually said to other strippers working parties I've been to that I don't drink much. I don't know when I should tell her that, uh, isn't quite the case ... which makes me think I should cut down on the drinking, but that should is a blog post for another time.) But like the first time she asked, I was struck by this stripper, the ethos of whom I normally associate with being a free spirit, and with acting with wild abandon, being so concerned about me, let alone anyone.
*****y gave me a bottle of water and told me to stay, so I just drank water and doomscrolled. After an hour of this (again, I was all tapped out, so I didn't have any fun with the other strippers there), I thought I was good to go. She let me go, but she insisted on me texting her once I got home. Now, don't tell her, I went to Chick-Fil-A first because I had an urge for a peach milkshake. But then I got home, and I got home in one piece. And when my cellphone picked up my house wi-fi, there waiting was a message from *****y asking me if I got home safely.
Yes, our relationship is built on sex work. I cannot deny that when we always "hang out," money changes hands. But that shows me that *****y loves me. I am absolutely convinced of that. You do not go out of your way to prevent someone from getting into an accident, and then proactively text someone whether he got home safe, if you don't love him. Now, I know she's not in love with me; it's not like that, and I don't think it can be like that. But our relationship, and I can't think of a better term to call it, has become different over the many, many years I have known and, well, gotten serviced by her. This is not meaningless. The concern for my well-being she showed me yesterday is something by which I am deeply moved. And I guess I am still processing all that.
Ironically, I could see My Mother doing this same thing to me (not at a house party like this, of course), to which I would probably scream at her, "You're suffocating me!!!!!!!!!!" But I don't feel that way from *****y. Probably because *****y isn't My Mother who has confused me whenever she hasn't psychologically tortured me all my life. Plus, I've seen *****y naked ... and I quite love seeing her naked!
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