Yesterday my boss caught me on the Internet three times when I was supposed to do the mail. One time she said, "Are you bored?" to which I said, "A little." But I don't know if she was being sarcastic or passive-aggressive. At some point, she actually took the mail away from me and had me do something else. I did it so fast that she gave me the mail back to finish, which I did; I get the feeling that I thought she thought I would be done with the mail a lot sooner, instead of dinkin' around the Internet.
See, a part of me thinks that because she caught me on the Internet (and why she was over at my cube three times yesterday I don't know), she actually wanted to help me by making me do tasks that I was actually engaged in. I appreciate that sentiment, if that was her intention, but I want to convey the notion that I will do anything that is asked of me. And I want to say, above all, that I like this job, and I like her, and I like working at this company. But beyond that, a part of me believes that she is disappointed in what I am doing compared to the projection I gave of myself when I interviewed with her. I don't know if she's cool with what I've done or if she's secretly roiling inside. Then again, I don't think I know the intention of any person. Hell, I don't know my own intention many instances. In any case, if she is truly not liking me just dinkin' around the Internet, maybe it's best if I don't stay.
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I am to look for another job. The guy who's been helping said last week that the job he thinks I'm perfect form will now pop up this week. I thought it was supposed to pop up last week, which makes me wonder whether this job will appear at all. And I barely know the specifics of what this position entails, so I don't know whether I'm good or even appropriate for it. I want to stay positive; this guy is looking out for me. But I have to know whether or not I'm a good fit.
However, my recalcitrance over leaping over to this new job, potentially, has subsided a bit. What happened yesterday is a part of it; just in case, maybe I should leave because my current boss thinks I'm slacking. I'm also worried that these tasks I'm flitting about doing means that eventually there won't be any work. This job I have has already morphed away from its original purpose. While I have been kept busy doing other things, my boss mentioned that I will be jumping from job to job "as long as I am here." Well, I would like to be here permanently, which means I may have to go look at this other job. Hope she understands. Then again, if she doesn't like me on the Internet, maybe she isn't totally loving my work ethic either, in which case maybe I should leave.
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