She bugs the fuck out of me while they're here, but it appears as though she bothers me even more when she's in Vegas. I think that's due to expectations: Since they are so far away from me, I presume that we would talk less. And I think we do; for example, even though I thought we would talk Christmas Day, we didn't, probably because we talked Christmas Eve. And that's A-OK with me.
But when she texts me saying she needs help ... goddamn, the thing she needs help with is such a huge energy drain. It literally takes hours to deal with her issue. And it's an issue only she believes is an issue. But I have to help her because that bitch acts so fucking helpless.
She texted me at work yesterday/Monday afternoon: "Need help!" I get home and call her. She tells me these real estate forms need to be filled out. The government wants them, and she's scared as hell that, like, the FBI will arrest her if we don't do it before the end of the year ... even though the stuff she said told her that actually said she had a couple more weeks. These forms are in English, of course, so she immediately ran to me, only to switch up her tone and just fuckin' saddle me with all this bullshit I need to deal with with an urgency only she has. So fucking typical of her and her goddamn "issues."
These forms the government wants filled out I didn't even know existed until today. And I had to waste two motherfucking hours with My Fucking Mother to do them online. Worse than that, I screwed up one of the forms, and I'm not sure the website on which I did these forms took up the corrected information. So I think I have to follow up today, some time after work, to see if some AI chatbot can let me know if the "government" has the correct information. And who knows how long I'll have to fucking waste on that. It's New Year's Eve, for fuck's sake. I'm supposed to mark the death of the old year and say hello to the new one. I don't want to spend it dealing with goddamn forms.
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This year was bad because I lost my uncle. I feel bad because I hadn't contacted him much before he died. I think the last communication I had with him was wishing him a (Western) New Year via text. He was gone within two months. He didn't want anyone to talk to him in his decrepit state. I don't care; I wanted to at least say goodbye to him and tell him I love him. And I'll be honest (if I haven't stated this here in WAF already): I'm mad at him for not talking to me before he went.
Come to think of it, 2024 brought more signs my body is breaking down. I saw someone for my knees after work yesterday/Monday. She said it's probably arthritis, which everyone my age is going through. Use exercises to get manage it. I think I heard that before when my physical therapist told me to exercise my back. I was given a referral for physical therapy for my knees, and there's a chance it's the same person who I met with five years ago. I don't think the guy likes me, though, so I don't think I'll take up the referral.
Gaining weight, too. I know I should eat better, but I'm still holding onto the delusion that I can eat what I want and not get too fat. That's not happening, but I'm not changing my diet. Oh, and I'm still dealing with trying to do my desk job with bifocals on. Had a lot of trouble seeing with my eyeglasses in 2024. My eyes got so strained looking at my computer screen that it began to hurt. I even take them off and see my screen through blurry eyes. It beats getting a headache.
Everything else, I guess, is the same, including dealing with My Fucking Mother. Every fake emergency she makes me deal with reminds me that I got my anxious state of mind from her. She has grafted every part of her insecurities onto me, and I cannot and will not forgive her for that.
Happy New Year!!!
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