Expenses Without Receipts

Oh, shit.  I haven't done one of these in more than two months.  Starting from Saturday, December 7:

• I filled in for someone at work.  Based on the paucity of work that has come in lately, I thought I would be able to leave early.  Good thing too, because I wanted to go to Hooters because the local waitresses who posed for their calendar were doing a signing.  Then, I figured I would go to My Favorite Stripclub (Cover Edition) to see my ATF there and have a few dances before Christmas and while the weather was good.  Too goddamn bad that somehow, work ran long.  It ran so long that I pretty much missed the signing.  I say pretty much because I had to get out of the line waiting for a table -- that was something I was not anticipating -- to go over to the signing table.  They were packing up -- a little before they said they were going to end the event, by the way -- so I asked one of the women who posed if they were closing up shop.  They have ... but, would I like to buy a calendar?  Now, my plan was to use the calendar as part of the requirement to use a coupon for free fried pickles.  But I wasn't going to wait in line to eat there, plus I kind of felt committed to a hot babe offering to not only sell me but, it turns out, sign the calendar too.  Besides, I wanted to go the strip club, and if I couldn't eat, I might as well leave ASAP.  So I bought the calendar.  And even though the price was $19.52, it was not as if she had a cash register there.  I gave her $20.52, but she had to run to the back to get my buck in change, so she said if I could just leave the $20 I laid down at the table.  So I did: $20.
• So glad I saw ******a.  Cover, a bottle of cider for me, a Shirley Temple (!) for her, 23 couch dances, five bucks in tips for her at the stage and another for security on my way out, and that all adds up to: $261.
• Back to Thursday the 5th, where I stopped for money before work and then walked over to the nearby Caribou.  I was going to get oatmeal, but with the long line waiting for food and me (once again) not building in time to eat, I just went for a medium mocha.  With tip: $5.80.
• That evening I got wanked by *****y.  I love the idea of getting jerked off by her even though the actual, ah, act has not been as enjoyable now that I'm old.  But that's on me, not her.  Cost: $150.
• Monday, December 2 ... this was the day I had to see the title company.  After this momentous, uh, moment, I needed to eat something.  So, I went to a spot that opened up in the summer that has gotten rave reviews, Wells Roadside, which was formerly a drive-in.  I don't think the burger, jazzed-up fries and cocktail are at drive-in prices, but it was good, and it hit the spot at a time I needed to cram my anxieties down my throat.  With tip, and don't be shocked: $33.81.
• Later in the afternoon, ******e came out to touch my cock until I had an orgasm.  Lately she's been texting me asking if she could play with my penis.  I know she's just looking for my money, but the way she says that turns me on, even if I don't, uh, physically respond that way anymore because I am old.  Cost: $120.
• Holy shit ... I have to go all the way back to Monday, October 7, where I finally got around to seeing The Searchers, thought by many to be The Best Western Ever.  I was disappointed, I have to say.  Westerns back in the day are very black-and-white when it comes to issues and morals, but I was thinking this John Wayne movie was fantastic because of its ambiguity.  There wasn't; instead, there were subplots regarding a mixed-race nephew and a surprise marriage, and, to me, a central plot that continued the antiquated notions of White cowboys = good/them Indians = bad.  Anyway, the tips I gave to concessions and the pre-show organist were cash: $2.
• Thursday, October 3: There was a party where *****y, after some hesitation (she never hesitated at parties given at this house before), cranked my cock.  She wanted a tip, too; damn, these things are getting more and more expensive.  Also, I paid the host an extra $10 because I didn't have enough money for the cover the last time I went to a stripper party he hosted.  All told: $200.
• September ... it was still warm back in September.  Anyway, on Wednesday, September 25, I went and got a haircut.  With tip: $25.
• And I found a penny.  An Infusion of: 1 cent.

This went on ridiculously too long.  But I am caught up through December 7.