Monday, December 2, 2024

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

Note: There will be no covering The Minnesota Frost of The PWHL.  Not now, not ever.  Well, first of all, that team won their league championship, and I have a rule that champions are left out of the WMNSS until they finish a season short of winning a championship.  But even if they didn't, I wouldn't cover them because team basically fucked General Manager Natalie Darwitz, who is One Of Us, so we are obligated to be pissed on her behalf.  Add the shitty origin story of the PWHL and the really shitty name and colors of the Frost (they own the name "Minnesota Whitecaps" and refuse to use its brand ... what the fuck?!?!?!), and I want no part of that band of pit vipers.

#0
: Wild (Last Week: -6).  OK, so it's very rare that I put a team that lost a Game during the screening Week in the top spot if other teams ran the table the same Week.  By all rights I shouldn't because they started off the Week getting thoroughly handled by The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers, 4-1, at the X on Monday in a clash of 1-vs.-2 (well, tied for 2; at the time, the Wild was tied with The Bastard Colorado Rockies for second place in the NHL).  But wouldn't you know, Minnesota since got hot by beating Buffalo (on the road) and Chicago and Nashville (both at home), all by one Goal, the Win over the Predators coming in Overtime.  Meanwhile, Winnipeg followed up their victory over the Wild with defeats at Los Angeles, Las Vegas and Dallas.

The result is that Minnesota is now tied with Winnipeg for most Points in the league.  And this is the latest the Wild have led (or co-led in this case) the league in Points this far into a season in three Years.  And they started off the screening Week with a Loss?  I am impressed.  And that's why not only do they top the survey, they rise about Negative Numbers as well.

The Week they finish up their three-Game homestand against Vancouver tomorrow/Tuesday night, then go to Southern California to face Anaheim (Friday) and the Kings (Saturday, 22 Hours after they drop the puck with the Ducks the night prior).

#-1: Vikings (Last Week: -4).  For a while there I was afraid they would lose to The Bastard Chicago-by-way-of-St. Louis Cardinals.  Brian Flores decided not to blitz Kyler Murray, but he was still scrambling for big runs and passing judiciously to Trey McBride.  Meanwhile, Sam Darnold got sacked five times and they couldn't convert on Third Down.

Arizona was up by 13, but somehow the complimentary football that has buoyed them through this tougher-than-thought stretch re-awakened.  The Defence was able to bend but not break, and the Offense finally got its mojo going.  Finally, in a tidy but still-affecting redemption arc, Aaron Jones, who had a Fumble early in the Game and couldn't haul in a Touchdown Pass that he laid out for, caught a Pass from Darnold and ran in from short yardage for the Game-winning Touchdown yesterday/Sunday afternoon, 23-22.

I think they're a cut below Detroit, and Philadelphia, which handled The Bastard Cleveland Browns in Baltimore Sunday, has jumped right into the contender picture.  But they are 10-2 through resiliency, and Sunday they host Atlanta and former Vikes Quarterback Kirk Cousins, who threw four Interceptions in their Loss to The Los Angeles Chargers Sunday.  With help, the Vikings can sew up a playoff spot with a victory.  Really??

#-2: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -3).  No, they're not world-beaters.  But the U. lady ballers did win The Big Easy Classic Tournament in New Orleans over Thanksgiving Weekend and convincingly, ripping Houston by 17 Black Friday afternoon and then trouncing Louisiana Saturday afternoon by 20.  Take it seriously or no, but the Golden Gophers are 9-0.  There should be some recognition for that.

Tomorrow/Tuesday night they host North Florida, then they get an amuse bouche of conference play when they travel to Nebraska Sunday.

#-3: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -7).  So the good news is the U. finished on a high note, beating Illinois (away) and Ohio St. (home) in four Sets to end their regular season on a three-Game winning streak.  And they reached the NCAA Tournament again, of course.  Bad news is that they are their Region's 6-Seed, and as such, they will not be hosting any Games at Maturi.  Instead, they go to that Region's 3-Seed, Kentucky, where they are the outlier of the four-team pod playing the First and Second Rounds this weekend.  (For the first two Rounds of the women's volleyball tournament, the first two Rounds are grouped so that as many participants don't have to travel far.  But for variety's sake, many pods have one team that's flying in while the other three can bus it.)  They play Western Kentucky Thursday afternoon.  Win that one and they face either the host Wildcats or Cleveland St.  Assuming it is Kentucky, I don't think Minnesota will advance to the Sweet Sixteen.

#-4: Gopher wrestling (Last Week: -2).  Decupled South Dakota St. in Brookings, 30-3.  The Jackrabbits are ranked, which makes the rout impressive, but Minnesota is ranked higher, so this once again shows how stratified even ranked teams are in college wrestling.

I see what's up next for the grapplers is the Cougar Clash in Edwardsville, Ill., Saturday.  I don't know if it's a tournament because I only see the logo for the host, Southern Illinois-Edwardsville.  So, it's a Dual?

#-5: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -1).  Don't care about the circumstances; you don't lose to a team from Alaska, let alone one that shut itself down during the COVID Year.  And blah-blah-blah about Friday's contest officially being a 1-all Tie; they lost in the Shootout, so the Nanooks beat the Gophers at Mariucci.  They rebounded the next evening with a 5-2 victory, but who cares?  How embarrassing.  Host Michigan for two this weekend.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -9).  Ever since migrating to Bluesky, a lot of my feed is dominated by Wolves talk, and when I went to their Wednesday Game vs. Sacramento, I can see why so many of them are down on this club.  As I was lounging in my suite next to my friend who invited me, I saw the Wolves start out well in the First Quarter, then play poorly in the Second, giving up inside basket after inside basket.  What the name of Rudy Gobert is going on?  They clogged the paint in the Third to wrest back control and take a double-digit lead.  But for fuck's sake, they were outscored 20-2 in the last five-plus Minutes of the Game to lose, 115-104.  And Anthony Edwards wasn't fucking around after the Loss, saying the team was playing like a bunch of "soft" "front-runners."

That may have spurred them on to hold off The Bastard Buffalo Braves Friday, 93-92, but the Timberwolves squad of a Year ago would've blown those guys out.  (Also, they are now officially eliminated from the NBA Cup Playoffs.  Pffft.)  And because they lost at home to a rapidly-improving Houston club, they remain out of the picture, 11th in the West with a 9-10 record.

They host The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers tonight/Monday night.  (I had plans to exercise, but I need to make it out to one of their Games at one point; I don't know if and when LeBron James decides to retire.)  They are then on the road the rest of the Week, visiting the Clippers and that new Intuit Dome Wednesday, then playing at Golden State Friday and Sunday.

#-7: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  A weird screening Week where they squeezed in a quick tournament between bodybag Games at Williams -- or is it bookending bodybag Games around one of those pre-season tournaments.  Anyway, ignore the team shellacking Bethune-Cookman by 17 yesterday/Sunday afternoon or just getting by Central Michigan, 68-85, Monday.  Instead, look at the results of the ESPN Events Invitational in Orlando.  This club surrendered a Game-tying Three at the buzzer and eventually lost to Wichita St. in Overtime Thanksgiving afternoon, 68-66, then coughed up a 29-27 Halftime lead and lost Black Friday afternoon, 57-51, to Wake Forest.

Will these Gophers beat someone from a BcS conference?  We'll find out now because the annual weekly hors d'oeuvres of conference Games in December is upon us.  They host Michigan St. Wednesday.

#-Infinity: Gopher football (OOPS!!).  I forgot to include them in last Week's survey after their Loss to Penn St. last Saturday.  (I mentioned that I wrote about a record-breaking [maybe] 11 teams in last screening Week's WMNSS when it should have been a 12.)  They had a bye before their Penn St. Game, at home, and by God, they were in it for most of it.  (I still believe that the Nittany Lions, who probably are ranked third in the country and will face Oregon in the B1G Championship Game Saturday, aren't that good; they barely escaped with the Win over my alma mater, and we are terrible.)  In fact, they led them at Halftime and pushed the lead to 22-16 in the Third Quarter before Penn St. pulled ahead.  The Gophers responded with a Field Goal to cut the deficit to 26-25, but they just couldn't make a stop in the Nittany Lions' final drive, converting off a fake Punt and sealing the tilt with a Pass from a broken play near the Gophers' Goal Line for a First Down.

That close defeat probably is a sign that this squad has some talent and are able to beat inferior clubs.  That includes Wisconsin, whom they humiliated in Madison Saturday, 24-7, in order to grab back Paul Bunyan's Axe.  So the U. finishes 7-5 -- still pretty mediocre, but hey, at least that's a better record than my alma mater.  And given the lowered expectations, they lived up to their current reputation as a middle-of-the-road Big Ten outfit who can't beat the teams above them but can beat the ones below them (well, besides Rutgers, their annual Game They Should've Won But Lost).  Is that enough to keep P. J. Fleck around?  Yes.  Consider the low of the season was the ass-kicking they took at home versus Iowa, the turnaround, capped by a rivalry Win, means a lot.  That might not assuage those tired of Fleck's act.  Those people will have to hope he decides to move on.

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