Back To Vegas -- Maybe -- At 11 Tonight

OK, so this is what I was going to blog post until fatigue piled on me overnight ...

So my parents are coming home -- to the States definitely, probably only to Las Vegas -- at 11 o'clock (my time) tonight.  Thought they would be in Hong Kong a little while longer, but either they got bored or they had stuff to do.  Either way, they're in the States and it's freaking me the fuck out because there is every possibility that they'll fly home and not tell me, and the house is littered with my stuff.  Shit, there's a non-zero chance that they'll fly home in the morning.

That bullshit my parents pulled years ago, coming home and seeing the house laid out the way I want to (with my porno mags and cum towel out), traumatized me in a way that I have never healed from.  Goddamn them.  Goddamn them to fucking hell.  Because I am now frightened that they'll blindside me, and embarrass me, by coming home when I wasn't expecting them.

But I am doing anything?  No.  My stuff is still here, and while I've done some light packing, I haven't thrown anything away, and I haven't put anything in storage.  All my stuff ... fucking Christ, it's so overwhelming!  I have so much stuff, and I cannot part with any of it.  And I have gotten so depressed that my sentimentality is weighing me down that I get paralyzed.  Anything I do is not going to get me closer to my goal of going through my stuff.  And that was the plan when my parents left a month ago.

For all my trauma and the threat that they'll come home, I don't plan on doing any cleaning or storing, at least not yet.  I am banking on them being honest that they are not coming home for at least a month because they need to get their affairs in order in Vegas.  But they've lied before.  They always lie.  And yet I'm banking on them not lying because that gives me time to not panic and finally get around to my shit when I want to.

My self-hate that I haven't been able to go through my stuff like I wanted to is an issue I have to deal with later.  I need to worry about being able to go and throw everything into my storage unit when the time comes ... and if I know it's coming.

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Oh, there are two other things I need to worry about.  One is the health of my uncle.  If something bad happens to him, of course the timeline moves up.  The other is all the alcohol I still have to consume.  If they come home when I least expect it, what do I do with it?