Casting a pall over everything is the health of my uncle. I'm just really, really scared that he can go at anytime. But -- and I hate to be so fucking superficial about this -- I'm also paralyzed by the recent news that my parents are coming home ... to the States, apparently, not necessarily here. They're "back" in about two weeks, and remembering how those royally fucked me by coming home without goddamn telling me -- man, I'm so fucking scarred by those two assholes for life -- they might as well be home. And so I need to start cleaning up my house of the stuff I wanted to get around to but haven't. The house is a mess, so I need to arrange one of my stripper girlfriends to come clean. But I have not one but two swords of Damocles hanging over my head: Not just the possibility (maybe remote, maybe not) that my folks are coming home when they want to, but that my uncle can suddenly pass ... and then my folks will be coming home suddenly. There are a lot of what-ifs that have my absolutely panic-stricken.
And that's why, instead of going home to do some chores such as cleaning the dishes or washing the clothes, I went out to have a drink and then dinner, then come home directly to sleep. That's why I'm up now. That's why the Zynga Poker streak has reset back to Day 1/10%. And that's why, presented with everything I feel like I should be doing now, I'm doing absolutely nothing.
God, I fucking hate this all.
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