Showing posts with label bad mood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad mood. Show all posts

Monday, October 27, 2025

This Week Has Sucked/Is Going To Suck

Asked my co-worker yesterday/Sunday about my schedule.  I'm going into the lab weekly now, seems like, goddammit, and I do that tomorrow/Tuesday.

I realized last/Sunday night while exercising that today/Monday I have the MNUFC Playoff Match, and that starts at 8.

That means that I am getting home late from a soccer Match being played late, very late, on a school night, and then I have to wake up early for work the next day.

It's out of my control when I have to report early to work in the lab; it just happens it's the morning after a late soccer Match.  The soccer Match usually isn't played on a Monday night, let alone at fuckin' 8 at night, but it is, and it just so happens to be the night before I have to report early in the next morning.  This constellation of bad timing didn't have to happen.  It took a lot of bad breaks for this shitty situation to occur.  And yet it has.

I fucking hate everything right now.  I'm worried for Mother's surgery, my sister accused me of not flushing the toilet when I did, I didn't get to fuck my sex worker (I think I'll save that for another blog post), I'm scared I'm overworking my car, and most of all, pretty much every single Minnesota sports team got fucking embarrassed, from the Vikings Thursday through the Gopher football team on Saturday and the Gopher men's hockey team this weekend.  And Losses by the Wild (yeah, the Timberwolves won last/Sunday night, but they lost to The Bastard Minneapolis Lakers over the weekend), and I have been in a foul goddamn mood since Thursday and I will be at least until I get to rest tomorrow/Tuesday night.

Till then, everything fucking sucks.

Friday, September 26, 2025

Don't Ever Be A Sports Fan

Ever since the Jynx choked Tuesday and lost home-court advantage, I have been in a bad mood.  Well, moreso than usual, and that includes the meddling, I-know-what's-best-for-you bullshit I've been dealing with from My Fucking Parents for the last goddamn month.  But I'm upset, and I shouldn't.  Why?  Because it's fucking sports.

Yes, I'm a fan.  But it's not as if these players know who the hell I am.  And I could easily ignore what's going on with the Lynx and live my life in peace.  Instead, I allow this to affect my attitude, my behavior, and my day.  If you step back and think, that is both reckless and stupid.

I have married that seething anger with a fear in anticipation for today.  Game 3 is tonight, and if the Jynx lose and go one Loss away from being eliminated in a season where they were far and away the best team (that we don't celebrate teams for being the best over the course of the regular season is purely an American thing; if this were any soccer league elsewhere in the world, there would be trophies raised and parades on the street for the Lynx already, but that's a blog post for another time) ... man, I will hate the man I will become.  And then I will hate myself further for allowing myself to have my life influenced by the results of a sports team.

These are the times when I curse myself for loving sports so much.  Because if and when my teams lose, the pain and anger that well up inside me -- which is often venerated as a characteristic of "a true fan" -- is something I can't shake for a long time.  You can say that it's worth it when they win a championship, but this is Minnesota -- we don't win championships here.  So it's all just pain and anger.  And I stepped into this realm, and I am too stubborn and/or stupid to step out of it.

I guess you're going to have to save me by winning, Lynx.  See how pathetic that sounds, asking a bunch of people who don't know you from Adam to win so I can feel better?  Don't ever be a sports fan.

Tuesday, June 17, 2025

Evil Is Winning

So my parents are home.  No, that's not bad in and of itself, but still ... I don't want them here.

So I'm in a foul mood because of that and because I think a part of the house is starting to fall apart (haven't told them yet, maybe tomorrow if I get home from work in time, which is 50/50).  But this Republican terrorist assassinated a state Senator, her husband and their dog, and no amount of justice is going to bring them back.  Donald Trump still holds power, and Republicans will still get their way.  There are enough people who will support these fascists to the end, and many more who don't care that democracy is slipping through our fingers.  Finally, and I don't care that I am equating sports to all this "real world" stuff, but The Bastard Seattle SuperSonics won Game 5 of the NBA Finals last/Monday night and might be able to finish it up Thursday.  And while I respect The Florida Panthers, I still do not like when cities that do not get cold enough for ice to form naturally wins Stanley Cups over cities that do, especially when they are about to do it two Years in a row, like what probably will happen in Game 6 tonight/Tuesday night.

The bad guys are winning.  Evil is winning.  And I now have to be careful around a house that might be falling apart because my parents have come back home.  Fuck all this unfair bullshit.

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Things just kind of suck now.  I'm not happy that they're coming home, and I am not ready for them to come home, but there's no time for me to do anything to prepare for them coming home besides the absolutely necessary and basic.  And it's just a buzzkill, man, it feels like an immense invasion of privacy.

Doomscroll Addiction Got Me Again

It was a combination of things again.  The big thing, of course, was the political assassinations of former Speaker of the Minnesota House Melissa Hortman and her husband by that Republican terrorist (and goddammit, we have to start describing them as they are: Republican terrorists) who's still fucking running loose.  My parents coming home has got me down.  The weather was extremely cold (well, temperatures in the fifties and sixties, which isn't too bad in and of itself, but it was drizzling off and on, and it totally matched the mood set by the devastating murders overnight).

Plus, I had to work a Game this/Saturday afternoon before going to the United FC Match in the evening.  I thought I would have time to get in a solid nap, but my best friend and his wife were in town.  Downtown Minneapolis, in fact, so it was too easy to just walk from Target Center to their hotel to chat with them for 75 minutes.  It's been about a decade since I've seen them, so yeah, I skipped a nap, which I desperately needed, to talk.  And then, once I got home, diarrhea attacked me.  I think my bowels were just stuck in me and the breakfast I ate before the Game was just the thing to loosen my stool.  Unfortunately I couldn't get as much sleep in as I wanted because I had to go back to the bathroom.  (Still, I think I got, maybe, ten minutes.  But it was a hard sleep; the alarm woke me up and I was all, "What?  What happened?"  That's a sure sign that you were out like a busted light.)

Anyway, I got to the MNUFC Match, which featured two of the weirdest Goals you'll ever see: A backpass which got past the Goalkeeper for a Loons lead, and a golazo from halfway that tied the Match.  It was a good Game, even after San Diego FC tied it up early in the Second Half at 2.  So why did I get the urge to start scrolling through my social media feeds again?  Well, the above excuses, and again, there was a dead spot during the soccer Game where, like, someone was hurt, and I took the opportunity to pick up my phone.  From there, I got sucked into looking at all the posts over the Hortman assassinations and the No Kings rallies going on in the afternoon.

And while I was down that rabbit hole, I heard an audible gasp around the stadium.  I looked up and saw the backup Loons Goalkeeper lying on his side and SDFC celebrating.  They took the lead, and they would eventually score another one to seal a 4-2 Win.  Now, missing the opponent scoring isn't the worse thing in the world, but I did buy a ticket to a sport where Goals aren't something you see all the time.  It was the Game-winning Goal, so it was important.  But I skipped watching because I am a goddamn addict for my phone.  Beyond the excuses, and I can't do anything about it now, I gotta fucking pay attention to the reality I see before me, especially if I am paying a pretty penny for it.

Monday, March 3, 2025

Snow? Still?

The last goddamn thing I need is to deal with a snowstorm.  Haven't been paying attention to the weather report, so hearing last/Sunday night that there is going to be a potentially nasty snowstorm that will start tomorrow/Tuesday morning as rain and switch at some point over to snow by the time it wraps up some time Wednesday was a rude blindside.  And it doesn't help that the initial range of snow forecast is between two and six inches of snow.  I can handle two inches; I might not even shovel.  Half a foot?  Well, shit, I have to break out the snowblower again, and I haven't even tried to clean the carburetor, which prevented the plow from working at its peak.

I have to devote as much time as possible to gathering my things and taking them to storage.  The last fucking thing I need is to take that time to shovel and or plow snow.  Fuckin' A, man.

Saturday, February 22, 2025

Work Sucks Right Now, In So Many Ways

Before I rant and feel sorry for myself, I want to say that I am grateful for the overtime I'm getting.  The money is worth the grief.

Well, at least I say that now.  While I was working yesterday/Friday, it sure as fuck didn't feel that way.  The Third Department is utter fucking chaos now.  It didn't help that all the work that got stuck down South Wednesday finally reached us.  The work that came for me ... I don't know if I have ever left so much work for my co-worker, who is doing The Third Department today/Saturday.  I apologized to her before I left work.  I stayed an extra two hours, like I usually do.  I could've stayed till nine o'clock and not gotten everything done.  Seriously.

There are so many things to keep apprised up in that particular position that I am constantly bombarded with things that crop up which I need to immediately address.  Toward the end of my day (which, because it ran so long, became my night), I saw something that essentially became a "STAT" thing that I had to drop everything to do, and I know I let out a "Fuck!" that I meant as a whisper but was probably loud enough for everybody in the room to hear.  It was that frustrating a day.

It didn't help that I screwed up, which I did right before I saw this "STAT" thing I just had to do.  I basically signed off on, like, a dozen reports that I should not have signed off on.  And so I had to go through each report and fix my mistake.  I had a shit ton to do already, and I didn't need to make it harder on myself by fucking up like I did.  But I realized that I made this mistake because I was not doing these reports every day, and that makes me susceptible to forgetting a process of, say, doing a report.  I see now how hard it is to step into work someone else started.  I can't just apply my training at any point in a particular process.  If I didn't start it, I am likely to screw it up.  And in a job where I hop from position to position, that will mess me up, man.

Aside, and I need to make this vague because, frankly, this may blow up into a shitshow: I may have made a mistake, but I sure as fuck don't like her tone.  There were so many other ways to tell me via e-mail to stop.  And by the way, the mistake started with the person not writing down the date.  What condescending bullshit.  And if she decides to take it up with my supervisor or boss, man, I could be in deep trouble.

With all my venting here, I'm going back to work today/Saturday to help out.  They're still behind, so much so that they might bring in people for Monday.  But goddammit, I'd rather this have happened last weekend, or next weekend.  'Cause this weekend was the only Saturday over at least the next month where I could watch EPL downtown, something I haven't done yet this season.  The combination of Matches kicking off at 9 this/Saturday morning doesn't involve any team that would take over the pub I want to go to, and I can't say that for any day until at least April.  But then this opportunity of working ten hours again has to come up this fucking Saturday.  I could decide to work a full day, but I have decided not to.  One, I really was looking forward to watching soccer, and work like this won't change my mind.  Also, I have pulled ten hours several days over the past few weeks, and I was so stressed after leaving work last/Friday night that I am trying to take time for myself.  I'll watch soccer, then go into work for an abbreviated day.  And if that means passing up some money, so be it.  I'm making plenty this time period.

With all that said, this incident from this e-mail may blow up.  There is a non-zero change that I won't have a job by the time today/Saturday ends.  Just a head's-up.

Thursday, February 20, 2025

Bad Work Avoided

Got some devastating news in the evening, but I will keep that for my next blog post.  This time, though, I want to look towards the light and be grateful.

I was scheduled yesterday/Wednesday at My Main Department at work.  That meant I had to wake up at 5:30 for my start time of 6:30, a full 90 minutes earlier than I usually need to rise.  That sucks in and of itself.  But they're doing some things new in My Main Department, and I was going to be dropped into the middle of these new procedures.  And, well, I wasn't in the mood to figure out what I can't do anymore, where things are now, what I'm responsible for, etc.  Add that I would be tired while I'm figuring this all out because I had farmers' hours, and I was dreading going in to work.

What I did not anticipate, however, was that there would be a storm in the mid-South of the country.  That's where the shipment of forms, also known as our work, comes from.  It apparently blew through late Tuesday and, because they're Southerners who can't overcome winter storms, many of the feeder planes providing the work that would get lumped together into one big shipment that would be flown into MSP were cancelled.  That meant that, by my estimation, a quarter of the work that was expected yesterday didn't come.

The other people in My Main Department told me this just as I was about to turn on my computer.  My supervisor, who I guess started her day earlier, anticipated that there was just no work for all of us (at least to start out the day; what little that did get flown up here was delayed), so she sent out a department-wide e-mail telling me that I would be in filing, at least until the shipment finally came in.

Now, normally I'm not a fan of filing.  But that change actually brightened my mood because I didn't have to do what I feared I was going to do.  And once it became clear that this meager delayed shipment would be the only shipment yesterday, I was in filing for the whole day (at least until I was cut by my boss about a half-hour early), and thus I was spared sludging through whatever new crap I had to learn out in My Main Department.  There were other benefits that I didn't realize.  What I specifically did all day was re-file forms that were taken out of the folder they need to go back into.  That involved a lot of sitting down and getting up -- a lot of energy, in other words, and so I was forced to be alert throughout my day.  That was good; otherwise, I would be battling drowsiness as I typed away (well, whenever I was grumbling under my breath at figuring out what new thing I needed to re-train myself to do), which would have made the day interminable.  Also, all that motion discouraged me from bringing up satellite radio, and lately listening to that pisses me off because I would have naturally gravitated to SiriusXM Progress to learn what new crap President Muskrat has done.  I need to unplug from worrying about democracy once in a while, and this change to filing was an unexpected excuse to break away from it.

So, what was a day at work I expected to hate became one I turned out to like a lot.  You have to find ways to be grateful every day, you know?

Friday, October 25, 2024

When All The Time In The World Turned Into No Time At All

Had it all planned out yesterday/Thursday afternoon.  After I got my COVID shot, I would go to the drive-thru at Jimmy John's, pick up the sandwich I ordered through the application on Tuesday, drive to work and, until I had to punch in, rest in my car and, maybe, nap.  My shot was for 11:30, and I didn't have to report until 12:30, so maybe I was giving myself too much time, but I thought I would be OK.

Well, man, things got fucked up.  The drive-thru was backed up.  And then I saw a note on the speaker that said it was out, so everyone who ordered had to order at the window.  How long does it take to get a sub you order at the drive-thru window?  I didn't really think about that question.  Instead, I waited.  I waited for about 25 minutes at the drive-thru.

What I should have done I didn't even think of until I finally got up to the window and said to the guy that I ordered and paid for a sandwich -- and saw my sandwich, leaning up against the window.  I had a fleeting thought through my head as I was waiting in line that my sub was already done; I just needed to pick it up.  Well, why in the hell didn't I just park, go in to the store, and ask for it?  I designated my order as a drive-thru, but really, I could've just went in there and told them I didn't want to wait.  They would've gone to the drive-thru window, grabbed that sub (which I think was done at around 11: 15, according to the receipt, so more than an hour before I got it), and I could have been well on my way.

So, why didn't I?  And this is when I get so critical of myself.  I just wanted to shut my brain off, I guess.  It was just very, very easy to wait in my running car for as long as need be.  Also, I queued up at around 12:05.  Again, I don't know how long it takes for a sub to be made, especially one where you order at the window because the speaker doesn't work, so the other workers don't have advance time to make it before you get up to the window and pay.  But I thought I had time.  And by the time I realized it was going to take a long, long time, and I was running out of time to get to work, well, there were cars behind me and I was stuck in the drive-thru lane.  They should make sure drive-thru lanes are two lanes long so you can bypass, for whatever reason.  By the way, I was five minutes late.  Could've been worse, but it obviously it could've been better.

Maybe there are extenuating circumstances.  I really do think that if the speaker box was working, that would've meant enough lead time for the cars ahead of me to get their sandwiches and leave faster.  Also, it was lunchtime, so maybe I should've known that there would be a long line.  But I'm figuratively kicking myself for not realizing and/or not thinking that I could have spared myself a lot of time and drained energy if I just changed my thought process.

Then again, I have had cases where it took longer for me to go in and order than it was to just drive through.  Maybe I need to set some routines in my head so I don't need to use much brain power but use enough of it to help me.  If I can order, and if it can be made, in advance (and I already paid through my mobile app), it would then be better for me to park my car and go in.  If not all of those conditions are met, there is no great advantage gained than if I go through the drive-thru.  Maybe that's a hard and fast rule I should put into long-term memory.  Of course, I don't think I'll be working 12:30-9 for a long time, if ever, so maybe I won't have to set this thought process in mental stone.

I'm just pissed that this happened.

Thursday, October 10, 2024

Have I Mentioned How Much I Hate Going Into The Lab?

I don't know why my work schedule is getting to me this week, but it is.  I was in The Fourth Department to start off the week, and then yesterday/Wednesday I was in Filing for the first half of the day, then keying the back half.  Today/Thursday I am in The Third Department to start off, but only for two hours, then I'm in My Main Department the rest of the day, working the scanner in the afternoon, and I don't know how good I feel about that.  Finally, tomorrow/Friday I'm out there all day, including my weekly trip into the lab to cut open packages and reach into piss.

My time in My Main Department increases throughout the week from zero to four to six to eight, and while I usually like varying my workday because it keeps me awake, seeing my workweek end in the lab this week puts me off.  It ends my week with a thud.  I prefer (at least right now; my mood can change if you ask me another time) getting the worst part of my job out of the way in the middle of the week because my workweek only gets better from there, while this week will end in a nadir.

It probably is my own fault, but I have made little to no effort to make my time back there a good or even an endurable one.  Case in point was my time in there last week.  I unfortunately had to work next to the old hag, the one who threw a package I shoved her way in order to get all the work done.  Partly because of that, uh, incident, but also because I was in hell, I just kept to myself -- I didn't grouse or bitch, but I certainly wasn't gregarious.  I just did my job in order to be done with it.

It is possible that this, uh, lab worker was making entreaties to me, but I admit that any time she said something to me, I kept my comments to a brief "OK" without making eye contact.  Was it possible that my terseness was the reason that, when I moved over an open package from one side of the table to the other, she angrily yelled, "Leave that over there!  We are closed!"?  Probably, possibly, who knows?  All I know is that because of that moment, I am justified in not acting totally friendly to her.  Seriously, what is her fucking problem?

Meanwhile, my problem is that I hate this part of the job so much that it's beginning to affect my whole job.  I don't have to do this crap until tomorrow and I'm allowing it to piss me off.  But I can't help but think about it because I know I will have to do it.  You know, that reaction should be impetus enough to find a new job.  And I guess I will ... when I have the time and the energy to do it.  Which is not now.

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Never Follow Sports

Have I told you the Game I went to to see my alma mater over Labor Weekend was, like, one of the 20 best days of my life?  It was a great vacation.  And, to be honest, it was a great vacation because my team won.  If they had lost, I would have been glad to stay a holiday weekend in Las Vegas, of course, but it wouldn't have been the same.  (That pessimistic prospect didn't stop me, of course; I had a discount I needed to use through SeatGeek.)

My mood is dependent on the sports teams I follow.  Sad, very sad, but true.  My alma mater lost yesterday/Saturday in the worst way possible: Getting blown out early, then coming back to lead, only to blow that lead and lose.  Losing big and losing close are pits of hell only separated by type, not degree, and it felt like my team lost twice.  And I'm not in a good mood, quite frankly.

I had a notable interaction with a cashier at the Hard Rock Cafe's memorabilia store in Vegas the afternoon before going to the Game.  She noticed a lot of people were wearing cardinal like me as well as purple for the other team.  She asked me what was going on, and I told her I was going to a big Game at the Raiders stadium.  And then, while giving me back the pin I bought, she says something like, "Oh, I see.  Well, I don't follow sports, so I didn't know what is going on."

And so I replied with something like: "Good.  That's a good thing.  It's not good for you."  If I had time to think up a more articular answer, I would have said, "Good.  You don't want your mood to depend on how your sports teams do."  I was right.  I am right.  And even though things broke my way out in Las Vegas, they didn't yesterday, and I'm letting it make me feel bad and pissed right now.

Too late for me now.  I'll be addicted to sports till the day I die.

Sunday, September 1, 2024

Having This Condo All To Myself Is ... Now Good

I was bedeviled since getting in last night that I couldn't get the TV to work.  I just got it to work.  All I had to do was unplug the cable receiver.  Guess it needed some resetting.

Honestly, not being able to get the TV to work harshed my mellow last night, and it was driving me crazy till just now.  I will obviously be going around the city while I'm here, but dammit, I needed my TV, and if I couldn't get it to work all weekend, I would be quite upset.

The fridge is also unplugged.  I will be going without chilled food and drinks all weekend.  But I understand, because it's not the TV; it makes no sense to go out of my way to plug that in only to unplug it after three days.  But I'm drinking room temperature water, which is kind of useless in hot Las Vegas weather.  And I have to drink the rest of the Coke I got from leaving the Peppermill, and it's been sitting on the couch all night.

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Uh, what else?  I am sleeping in the guest room, and I just noticed that my parents have put up a picture of a nude woman.  So that's a choice.

Friday, July 19, 2024

We're About To Shiv A Good Man

I've been mostly down for the past day or so.  I've been able to tutt-tutt away story after story about how Biden is going to drop out.  But now that a story has put a timeline on that decision -- Axios says he will drop out this weekend (I won't link to it because I will not promote bad news) -- somehow a lot of people now believe it to be the case.  Including me, I'm afraid.

I still think it's a bad idea.  He has been a very successful President.  The economy is booming and crime is down.  Most importantly, he ain't Trump.  And yet for all that good news, he looked bad one night and everybody (and all of them allies) have leaked news pieces about how senior leadership wants Biden to quit.  I don't know why that story was the one where I thought, "My God, he's actually going to do it," but my mood has changed since I saw that headline.

It continues to amaze me how many liberal writers and talking heads whose opinions I had trusted have basically gone over to The Dark Side and are openly demanding Biden step down.  Just yesterday at work, Thom Hartmann, who I think is a very cerebral guy, was not only confident Biden was quitting but spoke about this impending move with such confidence and glee.  And then he had the audacity, the balls, to say, "It's best for Joe Biden.  I don't think anyone wants to see his legacy tarnished like that."  What, the Dow Jones at a record high, the country's reputation restored around the world, jobs aplenty and the most progressive agenda this country has seen since The New Deal -- that legacy?  He had one bad night, and he has looked sharp and even feisty ever since.  And no, a bout with COVID doesn't change a damn thing.  The concern trolling by Hartmann was so startling in its juvenalia.  I don't think I can listen to this guy until Biden actually quits or after the election is over.

I am still holding out hope that these stories, sourced by anonymous people, is bullshit.  Some people I'm trusting on Twitter/X believe that to be so, and the steady drumbeat of Biden-hating has not persuaded him to quit, thank Buddha.  And yet I still marvel at the near universality of news sources and people in the entertainment industry (and I can't believe that either) who, in my humble opinion, have turned on Biden.  I wonder why, and the only thing I can think of is evidenced by the surprising fact that the progressive wing of the Democratic party is backing Biden to the hilt.  He came in as the moderate, but his legislative victories have helped millions of people that are middle- and low-income.  Somehow, this centrist has become a leftist.  And it looks like the moneyed class, the donor class that somehow pays Democrats, don't like it.  And they're the ones pulling the strings, telling Democratic leadership Biden goes or no other Democrat gets money, or telling their reporters to run hit pieces on Biden and the "worries" over his old age.

I keep falling back on a mantra -- Biden is still with it, Biden has been enormously successful, Biden kicked Trump's ass once and he can do it again, etc.  Also, we don't vote just for a man but for an administration.  There is no need to rush this; let's get Biden elected and then go from there -- if we have to.  Furthermore, there are so many obstacles the party has to overcome in order to switch candidates midstream like this, some aspects of which are unprecedented.  I believe there are two or three swing states that won't even allow a different candidate on the ballot besides Biden at this point in time.  And this will provide so many entry points for Republicans to gum up the works and inject themselves into our side of the selection process, and that would be a fuck-up that we brought on ourselves.

And there is one final point.  I believe that this coup attempt (and let's face it, that's what this is) is being spearheaded by rich donors who would thrive regardless of who is president.  The fact not enough people are heeding is that there was a chance to get Biden out of the race.  It was primary season.  I have to apologize to Dean Phillips, one of my state's representatives.  He may have been lonely leaning against the back of a rented pick-up truck waiting for someone to take his donuts earlier this year, but he was the one complaining about how Biden was old when he was supposed to challenge Biden.  Yeah, we all ridiculed and mocked him.  But it turns out he was the one who obeyed the process.  Everyone now thinks we can just name a new nominee when 12 million votes for Joe Biden have been cast.  No one can be certain that all 12 million will just be happy voting for some other person.  And no Democrat should take for granted that they would vote for the replacement just because fascism lies on the other side.  It's a fucking heavy thing to take away your vote then say, "I know what's good for you."  I think many Black voters voted for Biden in the primary.  If they all just get cancelled, this will be another case where minority voting interests are haphazardly punted to the side because some White dude wants something.  I can totally see them getting so pissed off that they won't vote for the replacement.  Why the fuck would they?  They had their opinions and they were summarily rejected.

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I went to exercise in the evening.  There were no sports on besides the NBA Summer League.  (Aside: The WNBA should have all their teams playing Games during the All-Star break.  Now, the league did have Games Tuesday night [the night of the All-Star Game] and Wednesday, but there should be Games all four Days there isn't any regular MLB action.  And yes, I'm aware that the WNBA's Olympic break is coming up and that may be a reason why Games weren't held Monday and yesterday/Thursday.)  I dipped into political coverage gingerly, partly because The Republican National Convention was on and partly because I didn't want to get more depressed by seeing more anti-Biden news.  But I saw some better news instead.  The co-Chair of the Biden campaign went on MSNBC and insisted, again, he is not quitting.  Also, there are some other polls that show Biden remaining tied and sometimes even leading Trump, thereby blunting other polls that show Biden behind.  I still cannot and will not believe Biden can't beat Trump, and that all the zeitgeist saying Biden can't be Trump is fed by oligarchs and The Media (who, I have to tell you, has been extremely disappointing.  I used to use #IStandWithTheMedia when I tweet.  I can't fucking do that anymore).  By the way, people continue to creak open the door of possibility of him stepping down, but only if it is "his decision."  Well, a lot of people are trying to convince him to make the decision to leave, and fuckin' A, that's just fucking coercion, so IMHO, that ain't exactly "his decision."

Add to all that Trump's acceptance speech last night.  He was talking about Hannibal Lecter?  He hugged and kissed the fireman's hat and coat of the guy who died in the assassination attempt on his life like he was saying, "Thanks for taking that bullet for me."  (And you know that is what that motherfucker was thinking.)  And Biden has to quit???  Fuck that.  Seriously, fuck that.  Hey, if Biden says he's still in after the weekend is over, that Axios piece was bullshit, and I won't trust The Media ever again.  The key to the election really isn't "Vote blue no matter who."  It's "Ridin' with Biden" because that is who people who cared enough to vote when they were supposed to vote voted for.  And goddammit, cut out this divisive backstabbing!!!

Wednesday, July 10, 2024

Anxiety Over Work, Car, Energy, Weather Again

The next two days at work may be insufferable.  Don't know why because I think today/Wednesday will be alright (and I know that I have said this, I've jinxed myself, and some bullshit is going to just ruin my fucking day).  And I should be happy because I'm not going home.  Instead, I might dink around after work to work on my receipts, then I plan on going to Brit's to catch the Uruguay-Colombia Copa America Semifinal.

Should be happy, right?  No, it's never that easy for me.  For one thing, I wanted to stay up to watch the Argentina-Canada Copa America semi last/Tuesday night, but I got so tired that I slept through pretty much all of the First Half (and, for the record, the Game-winning Goal, and that sucks).  Will I feel that run down when I try to stay on a stool at Brit's for two hours?

Moreover, I'm in the lab tomorrow/Thursday, probably cutting open packages and reaching into leaky bottles of piss.  I'm already in a bad mood just thinking about it, and I'm not sure if staying out the previous night is going to give me the right energy level or put me in the right frame of mind to do that shit.  And who knows if any motherfuckers in there are going to talk about me cutting myself again.  I might do some cutting of my own if I hear that, if you know what I mean.

And topping all that is my car.  I drove slow yesterday/Tuesday, so I didn't hear any rattling.  (It helps, I think, that I only drove to and from work.)  But a pop-up video I saw when I checked the AccuWeather Twitter feed scared the hell out of me.  It's been so hot in southern California that there have been many cars that have been abandoned on the side of the road.  (I wish I could find that video, but I can't.)  Immediately I'm scared of why those cars died -- no coolant, running the air conditioning, low oil -- and I'm relating to how those problems could happen to my car as I plan on driving around this weekend, especially Sunday, when I plan to go to two different places for both continental soccer Finals that day: The Black Hart for the Euros, Brit's for the Copa America.  The part of California where all those cars were abandoned may have been mountainous, but no matter; I'm scared that my car won't make it this weekend.

I still have plans to bring my car in in two weeks.  Hope the car makes it.  Hope I make it.  Hope I don't cut anyone in the lab.  And I hope I can stay awake all day tomorrow.

Tuesday, July 2, 2024

The Source Of My Heart Pain? Maybe It's This Fucking Country!

I remember seeing that motherfucking cheater Trump win 2016 -- and he did cheat to win in 2016; everything that happened during his presidency should be wiped away -- and, after thinking I'd be celebrating at a bar, going home and, hoping against hope, I took out this bottle of shoju a fellow alum gave me when I visited his sushi bar and kept in the kitchen.  I should have drank it in good times, but I sometimes reach for the bottle in bad times, and that, goddammit, was a bad time.

And yesterday/Monday was almost as bad.  Even though Dobbs is awful, and Chevron now means there are no federal regulations whatsoever, this case (and I don't want they're calling it) that gives presidents absolute immunity to all official acts done while holding office, seems like the coup de grace of the balance of power, the idea of checks and balances in our tri-headed government, and of democracy in America.  I believe Elie Mystal of The Nation when he says this allows the President of the United States to do fuck-all while he's in office and he cannot be prosecuted.  Of course, since this decision fell along party lines, 6-3 for Republicans, I think it's safe to say that if Joe Biden were to do something seemingly illegal -- like, oh, shoot someone on 5th Ave. -- and argue is "official," some Republican might challenge that, and I'm not sure if the Supreme Court would follow its precedent and say that Pres. Biden can.

This is all for Trump.  This is all for Trump getting away with the insurrection he wanted on January 6, not to mention all the other fucking crimes he committed when he was installed.  And Mystal is right, unfortunately; Trump won.  The Supreme Court let him get away with it.  The Supreme Court (at least the Republican justices) think he and other Republican Presidents (and not Democratic ones) are above the law.

---

You know, I have had a hard-beating heart pretty much since I was a teenager, but I haven't been feeling all that well since, oh, the fall of 2016.  And I've been down pretty much since I read the Mystal piece, but my mood darkened once I heard on The Stephanie Miller Show that the Supremes have installed Presidents (Republican ones, not Democratic ones) kings.  There has been a pall over my mood, but it's a familiar one, one that has cast over me for about eight years now.  And I guess it'll be around for quite a long time.

I fret about my car, about my job, about money, about my parents.  But maybe a lot of the source of my health problems is the world around me, and in particular the country that governs me.  Because what's going on with the fascists taking over the United States is some fucking bullshit.

I know I should exercise more.  But goddamn, I need a drink.

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

I Need This Fucking Trash Day To Be Over

So I woke up before work yesterday/Monday morning from a text from my boss that puts me in a different department for the day because someone called in.  That's fine; my job is to be a jack of all trades, so shifting jobs at the drop of a hat is part of the job description.  The problem started when I was told to sit at a desk that I wasn't expecting.  It's not mine per se, but it's the spare one I and the others who have the same job description usually use.  But I couldn't use it because my supervisor is still training in one of the people who share this same specific job as I have.

Instead, I had to sit at the desk of the person who called in "sick."  I hate taking over a person's desk, even though this is a company where that happens from time to time.  I have a desk of my own.  Not many people in the departments I work in can say that, and that is a privilege I don't take for granted.  (Actually, it's one of the few perks I get at this job that I still enjoy.)  I would be bothered if someone just fuckin' bogarted my desk just because.  It may be out of necessity, but I invaded my co-worker's space, and I was not happy all day.  And, to be honest, I hated the setup of his area.  He has no space for me to write, which I had to do constantly during the workday.  And I had all these calls I needed to make, and somehow he has his desk phone so recessed against the partition that I had to strain whenever I made a call, which was about 30 times.  That was an annoying pain-in-the-ass.

Finally, since I was in a department I hadn't worked in in a while, there were a few different protocols I had to follow.  I was told about these new procedures, or at least I believe I was told about them; I just hadn't put them into practice because I hadn't worked in this department in a long while.  One of them were these phone calls.  I would normally do my best to skip them, or at least half-ass them, but I was told that my boss and his bosses were cracking down, so I needed to do them.  So that was 30 calls (more than I have ever made in a day while working for this company), and 30 times I had to reach out to the phone, grab the receiver, make sure I don't drop the receiver so it snaps back to the console, reach out to punch the number in, wait for someone to pick up, and once I was done, put a tick mark on a Post-It (to keep track of how many calls I made, which is something I was told to do when I began training, to be fair) and reach out to put the receiver back in the cradle.  That took half of my day.  I know that in this job I could have been way more productive doing something else that making some goddamn calls.

Moreover, I was told that some quirk I just ignored during the course of my workday suddenly became important.  Sometimes we fax, and sometimes these faxes don't go through.  We are given these e-mails saying so, but I just ignored them because I was never told to care.  Well, apparently I do have to care now.  I need to go through the e-mail, identify which specific fax it was, determine if I was the one who faxed it, then figure out what to do to make that fax go through.  I needed to do that three times.  I wound up e-mailing instead of faxing twice.  Do you know how much time that took?  That is another distraction from the main task of this job, and I am embarrassed that I basically spent only half a day doing that main task, and instead building up all these forms to pass on to my co-worker, who may or may not have the time to do it herself.

Finally -- and I haven't thought about this much, even though if I were in a different mindset this would be the thing that triggers me -- my supervisor was trying out something for the printer, and we were told to look out for it while going through the course of our day.  I wanted to know who was doing it and why, and I asked my supervisor so.  And from around the corner, my boss, who I think was on his phone talking to a co-worker, I think shouted in answer to my legitimate question, "Doesn't matter!"  Uh, excuse me?  At that point I was already in a pissed-off mood, so my mood didn't change.  Did it worsen?  Believe it or not, I might have to think about it.  But let me say this: If I weren't so busy doing other things tonight, you better believe I would be pounding the online want ads again.  And I hope to get around to doing that this week.

I can't remember a day at this job where I was so looking forward to getting out.  Unfortunately I had to come back to the building because I forgot to fucking take the banana and peach Pepsi I brought.

---

About that banana: I just ate it -- with a knife so I could carve out the bruised parts.  I sliced off a piece on its side, but the banana was so heavy that it tipped over and tore off.  Thankfully I was eating this over the kitchen wastebasket.  Sadly, about 60-5% of the banana fell into it.  Most of it looked like a banana, too.  What a waste.  And I will admit that I thought for a good, oh, 15 seconds to pick it up and eat the parts that haven't touched the trash.  But I didn't, I swear.

---

Oh, and I wanted to go out and work on the things I needed to work on last/Monday night.  I wanted to go to Pryes Brewing because there were no events going on.  But when I drove across the place was packed.  I guess there was an event: It's a Monday night and it was beautiful out.  So I drove to Caffetto (which was not packed, which surprised me; I didn't plan on going there because I thought it was going to be packed) and did all I needed to do.

And then, as I reached home, the goddamn low tire pressure light came on.  Yeah, this is what I get for trying to blow off some steam by driving around town.  I rushed out to check the pressure on the tires, even though I checked them just before I left work.  The driver's-side front had way more air than the passenger's-side front, but all of them had enough air.  I went inside to grab my headlamp and tried again, just because -- same pressure levels.  And then I lost the valve cap to one of the tires.  Luckily I had a spare cap in my car.

I'll get the old valve cap (and make it my spare) as I roll down the car in the morning.  That's after I check the tires to make absolutely sure none of the tires deflate.  If so, this fucking trash day is going to become a fucking trash streak, and I don't need that shit, even though I'll text my boss to say I'm late because of my car, and that means I won't have to go into work, and that's actually fucking fine by me.

Wednesday, May 8, 2024

Gonna Catch Hell At Work Again. Gonna Lose It

Thought that given the decrease in work coming in and the increasing number of times the people working at The Main Department have been allowed to leave early, I thought yesterday/Tuesday could be a day where I could leave early and talk to my psychotherapist early.  Nuh-uh.  Every one of us was late getting out of work -- me by only 15 minutes, but everyone else by 45.  There was a slight uptick in the number of forms that came in, but I say it's mostly due to the fact that we didn't all those forms until late, and that the software we use to key information into our database got so slow and buggy that it froze, no joke, up to three dozen times over the course of the day.

But the paranoiac in me thinks that I will be blamed for the time overrun.  I was scanning these forms in, and I am, shall we say, methodical.  OK, I could be described as slow.  And I wonder if people in that department wonder if they could have left on time if not for my supposed slow-pokiness.  I did my best, but this might be a case where my best isn't good enough.

That's important to note if any accusations get run up to my boss.  See, I'm in The Fourth Department from today/Wednesday through the end of the week, and I know I will be faced with going over again.  I'm already about 20 minutes on the plus side.  It's inevitable that I stay late at least one of the next three days, thus getting over 40 hours for the week.  I'm not going to go out of my way to leave early; I know what I'm doing back there, and I think how I'm doing the job is right.  But that means the eventual and inevitable, "What the hell are you doing staying late again?!" e-mail from my boss, and frankly, I have had it.  I'm pretty sure I'll get crap for saying late the first two days of the week, so I'm dreading the worst.  And I am in such a bad mood anticipating these accusations that I might just blurt something out that I will regret after I say it.  I'm still looking for another job, but for now, I still have this one -- and I still need it.  But I swear, if my boss gives me any grief about staying late again, I think I will lose it.

Thursday, April 11, 2024

Unforgivable Wetness Needs His Rest

Didn't happen on my vacation until yesterday/Wednesday morning, and I didn't think it would happen.  But on my last day at my hotel and in St. Louis, I was woken up by the alarm on my phone, which I set for 10 a.m., an hour before I had to check out.

Yes, in one sense I'm glad I had set it.  But the previous three days I woke up around mid-morning and, even though I was tired, I wasn't tired tired, you know what I mean?  I was able to wake up Sunday when I had to because the Cardinals were having a matinee.  I did the same on Monday because of the eclipse.  And upon further reflection maybe it wasn't a great time to schedule so, but on Tuesday I had to wake up and was able to wake up because I had arranged a phone-in session with my shrink, followed up with a job interview on Microsoft Teams.

In all three previous instances I didn't get a full night's sleep, but I was nonetheless able to get up in the morning and function.  I think that took a toll on my body, because I think I would have been able to sleep till, like, 1 in the afternoon if I had my way.  Unfortunately, I had to check out, and moreover, there were some things I needed to check out online before I left my room and the wi-fi that came with it.  An hour, then, wasn't enough; I was frantically trying to shower, pack up my things, check that I didn't forget anything, and still go online to map out my drive to get back to the airport and to arrange a massage in the afternoon.  And I did all that while my body was craving for more than the six hours of sleep it got today.  And so, I am not in a great mood.  That's not good when going back to a job that I hate ... and I'm going to do that on about 4 1/2 hours of sleep.

Monday, April 8, 2024

Oh, look at me.  I'm taking time off to blog post because I still don't quite know where the hell I should go for the eclipse.  I hate my job, I can't stand my boss right now, and I feel like I can't breathe when I go to work.  At the same time, I've sent my resume to a couple places and I called a couple people asking for jobs, but no one has called me back yet.  (By the way, I deleted my last blog post where I was complaining about my current job in case I don't have another job to go to.)  Meanwhile I begged off Thursday afternoon because I think I am going to the Frozen Four that afternoon, but I think I'll visit my friend for some fun first.  And now I'm scared as hell I will go to the wrong place and miss the eclipse because of clouds.  The only reason I'm taking this vacation is the eclipse.  Then again, I could also be at the job I hate right now.

I have no good choices.  Fuck my life.

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

Not In A Good Place Right Now/Running Away From My Problems

Sorry, y'all, but I'm not in a good place right now.  I was just a scatterbrained, introverted zombie all at work today because my mind was not just somewhere else but everywhere else, you know?

Casting a pall over everything is the health of my uncle.  I'm just really, really scared that he can go at anytime.  But -- and I hate to be so fucking superficial about this -- I'm also paralyzed by the recent news that my parents are coming home ... to the States, apparently, not necessarily here.  They're "back" in about two weeks, and remembering how those royally fucked me by coming home without goddamn telling me -- man, I'm so fucking scarred by those two assholes for life -- they might as well be home.  And so I need to start cleaning up my house of the stuff I wanted to get around to but haven't.  The house is a mess, so I need to arrange one of my stripper girlfriends to come clean.  But I have not one but two swords of Damocles hanging over my head: Not just the possibility (maybe remote, maybe not) that my folks are coming home when they want to, but that my uncle can suddenly pass ... and then my folks will be coming home suddenly.  There are a lot of what-ifs that have my absolutely panic-stricken.

And that's why, instead of going home to do some chores such as cleaning the dishes or washing the clothes, I went out to have a drink and then dinner, then come home directly to sleep.  That's why I'm up now.  That's why the Zynga Poker streak has reset back to Day 1/10%.  And that's why, presented with everything I feel like I should be doing now, I'm doing absolutely nothing.

God, I fucking hate this all.