I bought her some of the gifts she wanted (which her mother/my maybe-still sister-in-law texted to me). That's the best way for me to buy gifts for Christmas: I ask someone what he or she wants, and I give it to him or her. It's better than me trying to figure out something that person would like, because I never know what he or she likes, and so the gift will be worthless to him or her. I have bad memories of giving gifts to people, and they cannot hide their reaction of, "Ooooooh, great ... yeah, thanks for this," and my heart immediately sinks.
Possibly an in-between case that happened at work. Our departments put out calls for a Secret Santa last week. My supervisor handed over this piece of paper to which our Secret Santa will either get inspiration from or directly buy a gift; we will hand them out just before Christmas. As the deadline was approaching I finally got around to reading this cheat sheet for my giver as well as the general guidelines. The cheat sheet wasn't direct: It had vague themes such as, "My favorite scent is," and "If there was one thing I've been obsessed over all year, it's," etc. The guidelines gave the parameters of the gift giving: Nothing over 30 bucks ... and no gift cards.
Dammit. Our department didn't do a Secret Santa last year. Instead, my supervisor just put up little stockings for each of us and encouraged all of us to drop small presents into them before Christmas. I thought this was a great idea, so I bought a bunch of $20 gift cards from Target and wedged them in (the stockings were smaller than the width of the gift cards). Maybe it was overkill, but I thought it was a great pick-me-up for the holidays (even though I was not there because I was doing my family vacation over the holidays in Hawai'i).
I decided not to do the Secret Santa. Partially it was because I didn't know if I wanted to spend the time looking for a gift for someone who was not family. Partially it was because I was looking at the cheat sheet and felt overwhelmed. I don't know if I want my Secret Santa to know this stuff about me, I thought to myself. But honestly, I think my decision not to do it comes from my feeling that I did not want to be confined to getting gifts for which I had no input. I think I am of the mind that if you know what you want, why don't you get it yourself?
And obviously that mindset is ... well, dick-ish for this time of year, but also hypocritical. For one, I need my niece to tell me what she wants me to give her. Isn't my hypothetical recipient just doing the same thing? And for another, I feel like a damn heel for not doing the Secret Santa while lustfully tossing money around for my co-workers last year. Gift cards are an easy gift to give, maybe too easy. But I felt good doing it because it was my idea, and my gift to you -- even though I gave you no say in what I am going to give you. Isn't gift giving supposed to be for the person receiving the gift, not the one giving it? That should be the case. And if so, why in the fuckety-fuck do I have a problem giving someone a present he or she wants?
I feel absolutely awful now for not participating in the Secret Santa at work. Moreover, I feel bad for giving out all those Target gift cards last holiday season and then not participating in the Secret Santa at work this holiday season. My co-workers know about what I did last year and decided not to do this year, and my co-workers will probably think that I am at the very least strange and at the very worst a freakin' Grinch. And they, I'm afraid, wouldn't be wrong.
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