I Know I Shouldn't Worry About Timing The Stock Market But ... Bad Timing

Since the pandemic lockdown began I have looked at my stock portfolio with a fine- -- well, a finer- -- toothed comb.  I had neglected it for months, even years until a few months ago.  But time, along with the extra $600 in unemployment I got from the government the past nine weeks, gave me the opportunity to look at, prune, and grow my portfolio.  Hey, the stock market has taken a beating these past few months, so this makes it a perfect time to invest.

And I have.  First of all, I have begun to ... I think it's called re-balance my portfolio.  Before the vast majority of my investment has been on one United States-based growth mutual fund.  That was a great engine for my portfolio until the coronavirus hit.  It was high time for me to diversify, and I have.  To what?  Well, that's where all this time has allowed me to look at some cheap individual stocks I could finally pour some money into.  There's a drug company I doubled my shares in.  And, among others, I poured in some money in a second drug company that has shot up tremendously in value.  I invested in four new companies more than a month ago, and they've rebounded from the lows at which time I jumped in with both feet.

My timing with those four stocks was good.  Yesterday, not so much.  For what I think will be my final new investment for a while (I'm back to working full-time so that extra $600 dole money ain't comin' in no more), I finally got around on acting on my idea to invest in Carnival Cruise Lines.  I know it was one of the cruises which had a nightmare situation where the entire damn ship got infected with COVID-19 (I think two people died there?), and with the resulting lockdown, no one was going on cruises and so the entire industry has gone to shit.  But that's precisely when you should invest in it!  I don't think shares will be this cheap for a long time, if ever.  And although I hate being stuck on those floating germ wagons, a lot of people love cruises, two of them being my parents.  So once (not if) the cruise industry rebounds, I'll be raking in the dough.

I just have to invest in it now.  But ... now-now?  Carnival has been well off its highs for months now, but it had seen a slight uptick in price.  So, just before I placed my buy order, I thought about whether I should wait, and also whether I should just buy 50 shares and not the 100 I intended to purchase.  "What happens if the price plummets the next day?" I thought.  I decided to bite the bullet and just buy the 100 shares (I arranged it to be bought first thing yesterday/Thursday morning when trading began) because those shares could go up in value and I would have to pay more for them, and I would hate myself for trying to time the market.

Well, the Dow had its worst day since March instead.  Apparently the zeitgeist is such that the worldwide spike in coronavirus cases made investors think the tourism industry is not going to come back as soon as they thought, so they just sold off their shares of any company in that industry.  And I just checked the current price of a share of Carnival (for some weird reason that stems from an acquisition it made a few years back, there are two separate classes of Carnival stock, each with its own floating price; I bought the cheaper one, which is based in London) and it dropped two bucks from the price I think I bought it at.  So that's $200 I lost.

I time the market even when I don't time the market.

But I have to let it go.  Can't panic now, dammit.

I'll Work ... Wherever And Whenever You Need Me

Today begins the first week-plus of a weird schedule at work.  I am filling in for someone in a different department today, and that different department is weird these days in the sense that it's, well normal.  This department, for lack of a better word, is required to be staffed for much of the day to assist with other departments.  Yet, the people who are working there (and their substitutes, such as myself) are now working part-time hours.  Therefore, unlike my main department, where people are just working half-days, it's easier for people in this department to work two whole days and one half-day.  That is what I will be doing today.

Which means I am waking up at my normal time, which is super early.  And as someone who has enjoyed waking up 90 Minutes later than I usually do (even though I still get woken up by alarms and/or My Father), I'm not sure I'm going to like getting up at 6.  Hell, a part of me is afraid that I won't get up at all.  Maybe eating peanuts and drinking the coffee I got yesterday morning at McDonald's just before going to bed isn't the smartest thing to do.  Blog posting this with 5 1/2 Hours before I am planning to wake up may also not be the smartest thing to do.

I am also filling in for someone (same department) Sunday, just an hour earlier.  Waking up at 5 sucks, and going to bed early on Saturday also sucks.  That might be made up the rest of the week.  I will have Monday off for Memorial Day.  Moreover, I am filling for another person on the third department I work in next week.  Those days are half-days, and unlike my main department, I am covering afternoons.  That allows me to sleep in ... which I might do one day.  I'll probably talk to my therapist another day, and wake up early another day to get an early lunch.  Oh, and I have Thursday off, and I hope to find a girl I can get down with.

In other words, things are going to be weird, weirder than they have been.  Maybe I should go to bed now.

Oh yeah -- I just checked my mail because I need to check my hours for unemployment.  Yesterday afternoon, well after I left work, my boss -- surprise, surprise! -- asked me if I could fill in for yet another person Saturday.  Being a good soldier, I said yes.  Cobbling together this schedule makes me feel like I'm back full-time!

Sure Is Not Yes

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It Is A Sign After All ...

Today at work my boss e-mailed everyone to ask for an update to their unemployment weekly benefit.  He says it could change.  I don't think it ever has for me when I was on the dole, so that doesn't make much sense.  But he wanted an answer, so this evening I looked it up -- and, so long as I needed to be on the unemployment website to look up this answer, I might as well move applying for last week's benefits up a day and do it last/Thursday night.

To apply, I needed to punch in the amount I made last week.  To compute that I needed to know precisely how many hours I worked.  (It is supposed to be 20 hours, but I had to stay late a couple days so it ended up being more than that.)  However, I inadvertently logged into my company e-mail.  There were a couple new messages for me, and one piqued my curiosity.

It was from the CEO of the company updating us on the company's employment situation in the face of the various lockdown orders due to the novel coronavirus pandemic.  It said that even though some parts of the company are picking up, the dearth of testing for anything not related to COVID-19 has forced the company to, uh, make decisions on future employment for employees.  The announcement of said changes, whatever they are, is supposed to made some time next week.

Now, what my boss asked makes some sense.  And it frightens me.

Well, work today changed a lot.

My boss said that the trickle of work we've received the past two weeks is going to be the nadir.  Didn't feel like that today.  I was in this last wave of staggered shifts in my department, sure, but the last 90 minutes felt like hours.  I got so bored that I got tired of going on the Internet.  My bosses understood we got so bored that they said some of the others (I got there too late) could take a second break.  And this is for a four-hour shift.

So, even though I didn't think even my bosses thought this would happen this week, maybe I understand what my boss was saying about being strict about minutes at work ... and about unemployment.  Maybe he is now worried that we won't have enough work.  You see, once we get below 20 minutes hours of work, we lose our benefits (at least that's what he says).  So, maybe our higher-ups are in fact trying to keep us around instead of pushing us out.  Maybe I'm being generous.  After all, with the "encouragement" we're getting to go on unemployment, it kind of feels as if my bosses, and thus the company, is trying to game the system, and I didn't think that was going to happen, especially after what I consider to be a rah-rah, rally-around-the-company e-mail we all received last week.

But the writing's on the wall.  We're getting 50% of our paycheck for the time being.  I would be OK with 60%, but seeing as if we're not going to get an uptick on work for some time, I don't think I want to be pulling half of my paycheck for the intermediate future.

One sweetener to accepting unemployment: I didn't pay attention to the part of the stimulus plan where everyone on the dole gets $600 dollars a week on top of the determined unemployment benefit.  See, I talked about that with my boss yesterday; I looked at the Minnesota Unemployment Insurance website and that $600 part wasn't sussed out yet, but I looked at that site again today (at work) and it said, plainly, that whatever we're getting, we get an extra $600 on top of that.  That's ... extraordinary.  I still don't believe it.  Minnesota is, thank Buddha, more generous than other states when it comes to UI, and I still wasn't able to pull down a whole lot of money.  (And frankly, I didn't believe it when my boss told me that was the deal, even though the state UI website still says they were hammering out details.  I think I have more experience being on the dole than he does, so I need to forgive myself for not being able to, uh, imagine that such largess would be possible.  He thinks I don't get it.  Whatever, man.)

Add up those factors and I should be applying right now.  One problem: That thing about telling my parents about UI at dinner yesterday?  Yeah, well, I couldn't do that.  And I couldn't fess up today either.  A combination of Father being kind of a dick and the news about 10 million people filing and, well, it didn't seem like the right time.  Tomorrow, though, the last day this week I can apply, and after I get home super early ... well, maybe I won't tell my parents this week either. ...

OK, Things Have Fucking Done Changed Now ... In More Ways Than One

Two unfortunate developments at work, which remains meager.

We now have new hours.  I am supposed to come in at 8:30 instead of 7.  That's great for me to sleep in, but bad, in my opinion, because of the other shoe to drop: My boss is encouraging all of us to get on unemployment.  He probably was before, but I spoke with him to make sure where he was going with this, and he said that even though I didn't have to, he thinks it's the the smart thing to do.

He then said something I possibly should have understood, but I really think this needed to be spelled out: Because of lack of work, everybody's getting cut down to 20 hours of work.  Now, I did say that I didn't mind getting only 70% of my check.  Frankly, I would be OK if I get only 60% of my check, and I would get 60% of my check under this situation if I declare Paid Time Off for one day this week.  However, maybe I should not do that and instead just go through unemployment and accrue Paid Time Off.  Otherwise, I will go through that Paid Time Off, then borrow for future Paid Time Off (I'm allowed to do that in this company) until I couldn't any more, and then come to a dead end.

But ... dammit, I don't want to go on unemployment.  I know a part of every paycheck I've received is taken from me for unemployment insurance, and therefore I have already "paid" for this.  But since this is considered wages, it will be taxed, so next year (and possibly next year) I'll get socked with a tax bill when I file next year.  Yeah, that might be a worry to worry about next year, but it's a pain in the ass and I don't want to.  I also don't like this because I am about to have dinner with my parents and confess that that is what work wants me to do.  Maybe they'll understand that, maybe they won't.  Mostly, though, I don't want to do this because of pride and ego.

With that being said, going on the dole may be too logical for me to reject.  This is money that is supposed to help me.  Meanwhile, I have car insurance and car repairs coming, and even though I do have cash on reserve, I could use some more.  I'll think on it.

---

One other thing.  My company, and thus my bosses, are now taking a very close eye on hours.  I thought that means I should make sure I don't accrue overtime.  But now, I think I have to keep myself under 20 hours.  That's because, over the course of my meeting, he had to bring up the fact that I stayed 20 minutes after I "should have" clocked out Monday.  I needed to sanitize my desk, but I was under the impression I had to process all these applications before I leave ... it's a long and dumb story.

In my way of thinking, if I keep myself under 40, it doesn't matter if I go above the total number of hours I'm supposed to go over.  In other words, if I ostensibly work 24 hours this week (20 hours plus four Paid Time Off), does it really matter if I technically work 24 hours and 20 minutes?  Apparently so, with the way my boss oh-so casually brought it up.  (wanking motion)

I guess I have to watch the clock now.  And this makes me think that my boss is also controlling the pursestrings; whatever more money unemployment pays out, the less money the company pays out.  That may be why we have this 20-hour edict, and this may possibly be a strict edict.  Whatever.  Unfortunately, this also means that I am being scrutinized for something that I don't think is a big deal.  This might change if we get back to full-time work.  Maybe not, and if this scrutiny gets really irritating, I might have to look for other work.

Getting Paid At 70%

Yes, so my worry about being called "essential" even though we're really not "essential" has taken a twist.  There is work coming down the pike, but even we are not immune (in a manner of speaking) to shutdowns affecting other sectors of the economy, because those sectors test people for drugs, and we are still in the business of testing.

The slowdown started, at least for me at work, last week.  That Thursday, for the first time in a long time, if not ever, there was no work to be done.  None.  Normally, after our main work is done, we would be told to work on entering other applications, and after that, we would go into the lab and rip those applications out of their envelopes.  If there wasn't that, we would get to the business of putting inserts into glass tubes and folding small trash boxes.  Starting last week, there was none of that.  So, we were given a choice by our bosses: You have to leave, but you can either take Paid Time Off (and we've done that from time to time during slow periods) and going unpaid, which was a first for me. 

I was told by veterans that our position used to be part-time, aka work-until-work-is-done.  They then converted to full-time with benefits, and I thought that was fantastic, because I sure as hell would not go from being a temp to a job where I would not be guaranteed 40 Hours per week.  Well, I'm not guaranteed that now, although, to be fair, my company hasn't been hit by a global pandemic before.

Isn't it ironic?

I bitched a lot about having to go to an environment in which I will be working with people who will frequently be within six feet of me.  So, theoretically at least, I should be happy with being free of that environment.  And in many ways, I am.  Not only can I distance physically now, I have been able to go to a park or to Lakewood and take a walk, which helps with my anxiety.  Also, despite being fed very well at dinnertime, I have taken to drive-thru to indulge in as much fast food as I possibly can.  I'm getting fat, and this is money that I'm spending, but damn, fast food tastes good.  Cokes, too.

But even last week I could tell that getting cut early was going to happen more frequently, if not be "The New Normal" everybody's talking about.  And that is going to affect my paycheck, which is something I need to look after.

I was OK last week.  Thursday was the only workday where I was cut earlier than expected.  See, I came in late and left early on Wednesday and Friday, but that's because I worked Sunday, and the company right now is forbidding overtime, and I decided I was going to alter my hours Wednesday and Friday.  When I made that decision I didn't expect work to dry up like this.  The whole department was cut early Wednesday and Friday as well as Thursday, but somehow I made my modified hours on Wednesday and Friday.  Add that I leave a little later than I should and my reimbursement for the gym membership I can't use, I actually got paid more than 40 Hours last week -- which is usual.

It bit hard this week.  We were cut early Tuesday through Thursday.  Tuesday was the day it really hit home for me, because Tuesdays are usually our busiest day (a workweek starts on a Monday and shipments usually take a day to get here, plus many companies save up their work from Friday and Saturday, yadda-yadda-yadda).  If we get cut early Tuesdays, then there really is no work.  They were cut early on Friday, but I took PTO for yesterday.  And with the way things are going, taking PTO one day a week isn't the worst thing in the world to do -- for social distancing as well as monetary reasons.

Nevertheless, with half-days three days last week, I estimate that took 30% off my paycheck.  I can deal with that, for now; it helps that I can't go anywhere to spend my paycheck anyway.  If it get worse, however, then I'll worry ... especially since I just logged onto my work e-mail and my boss and boss' boss is letting everyone know that they can get unemployment if work really dries up.

We might be "essential," but I might wind up staying at home anyway.  Like I said, isn't it ironic?

OK, Millennial

Going to get this off my chest.

Shortly after I was told by my boss no, I could not use the ubiquitous piles of gloves I see all around me at work, he sent out a department-wide e-mail both assuring all of us that our company and he are taking infection control seriously while at the same time enforcing policies to make sure that we don't step out of line.  Not only are we reminded we cannot use gloves (it's obvious that was just for me); he had warnings about overtime and leaving on time as well.

Two things that are irksome about this e-mail.  First, he insists that if we take all precautions at work -- wash your hands, cover your mouth, disinfect your area before and after your shift -- we should be fine.  He's my boss, and he certainly knows more about the company than I do, but he sure as hell is not an epidemiologist, so forgive me, but I'm not going to take his word that we'll be fine.  He damn well knows that our department isn't spaced six feet apart, and that people walk through our area all the time.  If one of us is sick, that person probably infects the whole department, and then the whole department is wiped out -- and if it gets really bad, the company might be liable.  Then, that'll be on his ass.  We probably won't be fine then.

The other thing that pissed me off was the last line.  He wanted us to keep things "in perspective."  Paraphrasing, he said that he would rather be grateful that we still have jobs, unlike many people who have been fired and are now on unemployment.  Dude, I live with my elderly parents.  If I get the coronavirus from work, and I give it to them, there's an elevated chance they'll get sick, or worse.  Add to it that our job is essential in name only, if that.

I'm kind of taking a risk of bringing this virus home with me.  I guess I'll be the first person I'll have to hold accountable if that happens, but I sure as shit am not thanking him or anybody else for putting myself in this position just so I can get a paycheck.  Sure, people who've been let go of their jobs aren't bringing in any money and they're worried as hell about it.  But first of all, they'll get on unemployment, and that's Minnesota unemployment, which is a fuck-ton better than other states.  And second of all, assuming they love their fellow statespeople, they'll be able to just chill at home, physically distant from everybody.  And you know what?  I kind of envy them being able to be totally safe from this invisible, invincible disease that's going to ravage our state.  So he can fucking pump the brakes when he says we all should feel grateful.

And besides that, we've been cut from work several times over the past couple weeks, an indication of the slowdown in the national (and global) economy.  I'm not sure we should be that grateful for work we don't have and money we can't make.  But hey, at least I get to get home faster, don't I?

It's surprising how willing he is to toe the company line.  I couldn't say I know him, but I kind of wished he would understand the plight we worker bees are going through.  (I also wished he knew I live with my folks, but to be fair, I've never told him.)  This isn't a "let 'em eat cake" situation.  But he sounds flippant, and I am chalking that up to him being young.  And despite all the data saying that this will adversely affect the old (such as my parents), people his age can get sick from this.  In fact, a couple people his age have died, I believe.  I would think that he would cool it with this ... well, cool it with this arrogance about not getting down with the sickness.  But to me, him thinking we'll all just be fine (when the governor says 80% of Minnesotans will get infected, BTW) and we should all just shut up and be grateful about having somewhere to go every day (for only half a day) is a sign that he isn't taking goddamn COVID-19 seriously -- like many people of his generation aren't taking it seriously.  So what I'm saying is, Gen Y dude, stop.

Maybe I Should Quit

First real bad day at work in a long time.  And it all has to do with the coronavirus.

First thing happened near the top of the day.  You know how more and more states are issuing these "shelter in place" orders in order to keep people distant from each so that the virus doesn't spread?  Now, "essential" services are exceptions to this, of course -- health care workers, civil servants, and grocery store workers (something I have never thought was ever "essential," but, you know, they are).  Surprise, however; my boss gave both of us a letter stating that our job is also "essential."

How?  Truck drivers need to pass drug tests, and apparently there are still truck drivers in this crisis.  Those samples need to be tested.  We don't test them.  We just put in the information into our records.  That's how we're essential.  We are tangential to the actual work that needs to be done, and if he were honest, my boss would admit that.  This letter essentially is a doctor's note telling our gym teacher we don't have to change clothes, basically.  But, if Minnesota gets a "shelter in place" order, allowing the cops to stop people and ask where they're going (and there was potential for Governor Tim Walz to give that executive order this afternoon but didn't), I'm supposed to show that police officer this note and I should be on my way.  That feels so elementary school.

We both asked our boss about the note, specifically how seriously we are supposed to take it.  Because, and I think we implied this enough to him that he understood, if the situation in our state escalates to this, maybe it's best if we just comply and shelter in place.  To which our boss says that if we wanted, we could call in sick.  That'll get impractical after a while; we can't call in sick for the next six months.

So that was bad.  What was worse was my boss e-mailing me, out of the blue, that I cannot use gloves anymore.  I am paranoid that the virus would be living on one of the papers I work on.  There are plenty, and I mean plenty.  But for some goddamn reason, my job, according to him, is not allowed to use gloves.

Frankly, I'm pissed off.  I am trying to protect myself from this mysterious, insidious evil.  I live with parents who are at-risk.  And,like I said, there are plenty of gloves around.  I do not understand it, and I resent how little he seems to care about the protective measures I'm taking so that I don't bring this virus into my home.

But I don't know what to do.  Well, maybe I do.  I may have alluded to this before: When mentioning that I still have to appear on-site at work, one friend says I should call in sick and the other said what my workplace is doing is disrespectful.

You know, inbetween the giving of this letter and the e-mail warning me not to use gloves, I was actually defending this job.  With so many people getting laid off, is my company really treating me worse for telling me to come in than other companies that have just let go of their people for, if they ever do get their jobs back, an indeterminate amount of time?  (Both of my friends now work from home, and maybe I should find a job where I can do just that ... or go back to school to get enough education to find a job that'll let me work from home.)  But then my boss gives me this unreasonable, ridiculous request, and I think I need to quit my job because my job is going to endanger my parents.  Why am I boxed into a situation like this?

Back To The Unemployment Line Already?

OK, so this happened just yesterday afternoon, but I'm already freaked out about it.

Well, the roots of this actually started as soon as I started work there.  I had been assured that, as a full-time job, there will always be work for us.  I didn't realize until I began work there that they sometimes have to bend over backwards in order to ensure that.  Once the forms we get are done for the day, there are other forms for us to enter -- usually.  Sometimes those run out, and so we have to put these glass inserts into these small tubes.  And sometimes we run out of that, so the next thing we do is fold up these Chinese-takeout-style boxes for the lab techs to use.

Well, what happens once there are no more boxes to fold?  That has happened a few times already, most notably in that week between Christmas and New Year's, but I had no idea that it would also happen yesterday.  But after afternoon break, coming back from training, they apparently were out of work -- completely out of work.  In fact, while others were away from their desks -- presumably on break -- some of them stayed around to talk about the extraordinary circumstances the entire department was in.  One of them, who has worked at this company for 15 years, says she has never, and I mean never, seen work peter out so early into a workday as it happened yesterday.

I could be wrong about this, but the other women at the department who I thought was out on break had actually been released for the day.  These are full-time jobs.  I was told these jobs were full-time.  But, at least yesterday, it wasn't full-time for them.

For the others who stayed, there were some other boxes they found, but ultimately they were reduced to, ugh, fucking cleaning.  The company has custodians for that.  "It's been so long since I last interviewed," my co-worker said.

(gulp)

Do I really have to worry about losing this job?  After less than six months on the job?  Again, this might just be free-floating anxiety, but there are some signs out there.  The work has been slow -- at least since the fall, according to my co-worker.  I have heard in the corridors of work that upper management is at least acknowledging this slowdown.  I just read that the company has had layoffs in some of their other locations.  And, most important of all, there are too many economics and people in the know who believe the country and the world will be in a recession by the end of this year.  That means layoffs ... and there is no reason to think this company would be immune to it.

Now, to be fair, I am paranoid as fuck.  For all we know we could be assailed with forms that will keep us an extra 90 minutes after work like that one Saturday.  We do a lot of work with the federal government, and so it stands to reason that this slowdown may be due to lack of money towards hiring people whose information we handle.  Also, I am training in another department right now, and I doubt that they'll just pull the rug out from under me while I'm in the middle of learning something.  Finally, my job requires me to put on different hats, sometimes throughout the course of a day.  That flexibility is key in being a person who stays in the midst of layoffs.  Well, that and my lack of tenure; when people get laid off, they go after the longest-tenured ones because they make the most money.

Still, I cannot guarantee, 100%, that I will have my job, and considering the massive switch in my attitude in order to commit to a full-time job, I am scared as fuck.  Pissed, too -- committing to a job and putting my whole heart (OK, maybe half a heart) into it, only to maybe see it taken away from me, so I am back to being a temp after less than a year??

Oh, well.  If that's the case, at least it's something I'm used to.  And I still have yet to unsubscribe to all those online want ads I signed up for before getting this job.  There is a use for them after all.

I Have How Much In My Checking Account?!?!?!

Whenever I go on a spending binge, I avoid looking at the balance of my checking account because I'm scared of how much I've actually spent and how much I actually have left.  In other words, I nearly always avoid checking my checking account.

But I usually come around to it whenever I sense that I'm getting really, really low.  Such was the case during my two-week "furlough" inbetween jobs last month.  I don't know how it happened -- that's always my excuse -- but it felt as though I had spent an inordinate amount of money over the summer, and so my unemployment, just around the time my credit card bill was due, came at an extremely inopportune time.  And sure enough, when I looked, I saw that I was hovering just above two grand -- my self-imposed Mendoza line between solvency and ... well, I don't know how my left would change if I fell below that.

Well, it's gotten worse.  My only significant change to seeing my bankroll that low is to charge everything until I started getting paychecks at my new job.  But that hasn't stopped my spending.  And something else bad has creeped up on me: I have realized that being paid bi-weekly, instead of weekly as I always have been at my temp jobs (and why is that?) really, really sucks.  Twice the money is nice, but not if I have to wait every other week to get them.  The wait is interminable, and I believe that at least for this cycle and possibly for the next, my paycheck won't come in time for me to use it to pay my credit card bill.

So the reckoning has come.  Some time this past week I checked my checking account and I am below two grand.  On top of that, I actually did some shuffling around with my money.  I actually took $500 out of my PayPal and put it back into my personal account in order to fatten it up and, frankly, to make myself feel better.  Confession: I don't know if all the money I took out of my PayPal is technically mine.

It really didn't matter.  I am below my Mendoza line after I stuffed it with my PayPal money.  Which means that however fallow my account is right now, it actually is $500 dollars worse.  In other words, I have -- gulp ... close to a grand to my name.  Really, it's just a thousand bucks.

I don't know where the money went.  And I have to be honest with myself: If I really cared, I'd stop spending money.  But hey, my parents are away, the State Fair is here, and I need to get a blowjob from someone I haven't seen in months, so I ain't stoppin'.

The only thing I can promise myself is to pay my bills.  Whenever my paycheck comes, I know it'll immediately go back out to pay my credit card bills.  After that I need to replenish (somewhat) my PayPal account, then if there's money left over, I might give some to the alumni club.  And that means I will be ... back to where I am, money-wise.

Good bleepin' Lord, where did all my money go?!

This is my last day before starting my first full-time ever job.  These past couple weeks of not working I have still been waking up early to keep up this work façade for my parents and, admittedly, they say that keeping a regular schedule is good for your body.

Nevertheless I have slipped on my wake-up time.  I still have kept my alarm clock set at 7, but with each passing day I have left the house at a later and later time.

One thing has been consistent, however: Although I listen to The Stephanie Miller Show on the radio each morning, by the time I get to a coffeeshop, order, set up my things, get on the Internet and click on AM 950 KTNF to listen online, the show already started.  I sometimes start in the middle of the very first segment of the show every morning.  Sometimes I start in on the first commercial break.  And sometimes I am so late the show begins while I'm in the car, I listen to a bit, then go inside. And whenever I pop into the middle of Stephanie Miller interrupting her own thought, I always regret not waking up earlier in order to get to the coffeeshop earlier so I can listen to her show from the top, entirely, and all the way through.

Of course I haven't done anything about it.  But it's a thought I thought I should note since this is, for all intents and purposes, My Last Free Day Ever.

Should Start Thinking About My New Job/Life

It's less than a week before I start training for my full-time job.  It still doesn't seem real.  As far as I know, my day-to-day duties largely consist of tasks I have done in my 20-year life as a temp.  In that sense, it won't be much of a departure from what I've been doing.  But then again, this relationship isn't transactional; it's more than that, much more.  They're giving me benefits.  I am getting Paid Time Off (and I have to get up to speed on how that works).  There is a commitment beyond be going there and leaving at the end of the day.  For that I have to give ... something.  Maybe it's more of a focus on what this "relationship" means, moreso than I'm doing now.

At any rate, I'm getting used to this two-week furlough, which means readjusting back into work (even if it's just training) is going to be rough.  I won't have to hide not working from my folks, but actually working, even though this is the start of my ... career?  (Wow, can't believe I just said that.)  I should get my attention straight, shouldn't I?

It's Not How Much You Spend, It's How Much You Save!

Herberger's is just about closing down for all eternity.  There is a huge store in The Mall Closest To Me, and with them advertising that their shit is now 60-80% off (maybe they could have saved some of that money advertising to shore up its bottom line instead), I thought it best to drop by there last evening on my way to Glam Doll.

I was surprised to see so many things still on the shelves.  I know that the announcement that Herberger's was going to liquidate was at least a couple months ago, and seeing that it's selling its stuff for more than half off, I thought the parasitic vultures people seeking a bargain turn into would have picked the place clean.  That is not the case.  Moreover, on a Friday night it was a hell of a lot emptier than I thought it would be.  Contrast that with the St. Paul Macy's closing down several years ago, or better yet, the Macy's in Minneapolis.  It was not too far before they were gone for good, but when I went, both stores already looked abandoned.

I was able to amble around and look at everything that was priced to move.  I then thought about what I needed to buy ... which was nothing.  But dammit, if I have all of this I could buy at prices I won't see for a long time (oh, who am I kidding, stores are dying, I'll be going through another clearance like this again very soon), why not get something?  I mean, who cares if I'm unemployed right now?

You know what I could get?  Another suit.  Unfortunately, suits still seem to be way too expensive for my taste, even though they're 65% off right now.  I also have to see if the suits fit me, and to do that I would need to find my measurements.  Sadly, I thought I had them here in WAF and I can't friggin' find them.  Moreover, even if I can find them or if I could have them determined or if I just bluff my way into so me guesses I then have to piece them together because I did not see any sets together.  In other words, it's complicated.

Besides a suit I guess I could use a dress shirt or two.  Maybe some jeans and/or khakis.  And maybe some nice pants with an easy fly to open so I could flash my dick to strippers.  And see, this is where I drop down the rabbit hole.  I really don't need all these things, but the pull of getting a huge bargain at the expense of a company that's about to destroy itself had already got me dreaming of buying stuff.  Actually I still am dreaming.  I'm dreaming about when I can go back, about whether I can risk holding out to see if Herberger's starts marking prices 90% off or if I should go back sooner and get the stuff I want now before someone else gets them.  I don't generally like shopping and yet, shopping is what I'm thinking about now.

Barren On The Job Front

Need to talk myself down because of the shit-ass 1-2 punch of mistreatment in customer service, and I thought I came up with something that at least wasn't a downer, but like so many things, I immediately forgot about it.  So I have to talk about something depressing: Finding a job.

Three things about it.

1. I realize just now I haven't talked about this; I was furloughed yesterday.  I knew going in that because the law firm was closed I would have both Tuesday and Wednesday off.  But Tuesday afternoon I received an e-mail from my temp agency that I was taking yesterday/Thursday off as well.  Why?  I think they don't know what the hell we're going to do.  Shit, we're supposed to do "quality control" when we get back in the morning, but I've done most of that already.  This is a sure sign we're winding down.  I don't know how much work there is left.  I don't know if we'll have a full week next week.  Fuck, today could be our last day for all I know.  What I do know is that I'm getting paid for only two days, and coupled with taxes and parking eating into my hourly wage, it's not going to make a dent in the huge credit card bill I'll need to pay off.
2. So I've been casting about for the next vine to keep my head above water.  I'm still trying to work this lab job, and I'm still undecided over it.  On Tuesday evening I see an e-mail from the company's PR person stating that she wants me to call her back.  Since it was late Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday was Independence Day, I felt no rush to get back to her until Thursday morning and say that I would call her around noontime, which is when I was at the dealer getting my car serviced.  She e-mailed me back saying that was cool.  But she didn't pick up her cell, so I left a message.  Getting anxious, I called her about four hours later, before I started exercising.  No answer.  Left another message.  She lets me know she wants me to call her, and when I do call her (at a time she agreed to), she ghosts me?  I'm scared as fuck that I got rejected for the job.  Well, I won't be all that heartbroken -- we have to talk about all the Saturdays I'll need to miss, and for that reason alone I don't know if this is the right job for me.  But that determination may have been made already, if this person's refusal to pick up the phone is any indication.
3. But there were some things that popped in all the other areas where I applied for jobs.  I received a lot of voicemails from out-of-state by people with Indian accents, for some goddamn reason.  But there was one native voice, with a local phone number, telling me about a job that was very close to where I live.  So I get on the horn (several hours after I saw this message) hoping to talk about the job with her.  Instead, she starts interviewing me and asking me for my resume.  At the end of it I asked her if the job I applied for, for which she ostensibly is looking for, is still available.  She basically said -- and this is weird -- "Oh, I think that was for a different website ... hey, I have to track so many things that some details fall by the wayside.  So, how about that resume?"  I appreciate her calling me, but this isn't the first time I got bait-and-switched like this, and it's starting to piss me off.  I don't think she had that job lined up for me at all.  She's just trolling for people she can make money out of.  And she probably won't be able to deliver, and I'll be back on the street, homeless and penniless.

Upon further reflection, I think I would have felt better of myself if I just blogged about those two rude bitches I encountered yesterday.

Yeah, I Should've Kept My Mouth Shut

So last week I told the state that I lost my job.  That would've cancelled out the premiums I needed to pay for my health insurance.  I had recently been starting to pay for state health insurance, but after I lost my job, I didn't know when or even if I would be able to pick up another job.  Since every penny counts, I thought letting them I was back on the street was the wise move in order to move back down to total subsidized health insurance, like before.

I should have seen there was a problem when I went to St. Paul to break the news to them in-person.  I thought I was just sent on my way with a quick thank-you.  But nope, they had to ask about my other seasonal jobs, and then said to call them back when I got on unemployment, a prospect I was going to forestall for as long as possible.

And then I get this letter from the state.  Didn't help that it was mailed while I was in Denver and that, ahem, I couldn't find the letter in my room for a week.  Finally found it on Sunday.  It said that they "needed more information" and they needed it by Saturday.  Shoot.

In a panic I called before work Monday and profusely apologized.  The person on the other end said that all they needed was actual income totals for this year and projected income totals from here on out.  But then I called yesterday/Tuesday and stayed on the line for a total of 20 minutes because he had to review the status of all those other seasonal jobs.  And it turns out I didn't have to get actual and projected income for this year.  I could just ballpark an amount I'm supposed to make for 2018.

I straightened everything out.  I think.  So let's see if I get to pay a smaller premium, or maybe if I need to pay a premium at all, as a result of this "adjusted income."  Hopefully I'm not missing a blindside where I somehow become ineligible for state-sponsored health insurance.  But all of these hoops makes me regret going to the state and telling them I'm out of a job.  For one thing, I have a job, at least for now.  But more than that, inviting the government to pry into your business is a chance for my best-laid plans to be ruined, and I'm still not out of these woods yet.

Hey, what's $16 a month of health insurance, anyway?  I should have kept my mouth shut.

I'm Just So Fucking Pissed Right Now

I shouldn't be this keyed up, but I am.  I think I had a pretty successful day out.  Hit El Taco de Mexico, considered to be the place with the best green chile in town, for breakfast.  Then, after a nap, I hit the original Chipotle for lunch and was able to use the free burrito card given to me by the stripper who cleaned the house.  Then I had a pretty good hike to walk off all those calories, made it to the Rockies game on time, and then finished my night off seeing the hype behind Voodoo Doughnuts.

With all that, there were plenty of things that pissed me off.  Let me list them for you:

1. Eating Mexican followed by Chipotle did a number on my plumbing.  I had to shit, real bad -- once coming home from breakfast, once after the baseball game, and once trying to find my way home from Voodoo.  But the worst of it was at the hike.  I thought I was going to see the end of the trail when I felt this huge ... mass in my abdomen.  I knew I was going to blow shit all in my underwear if I didn't find a bathroom.  Luckily I was at the end of my hike and I reached a visitor's center's bathroom.  And then, after ten minutes, I had to use it again.  But that didn't stop my painful gas, which kept me uncomfortable, if not downright ornery, all day.
2. There was a huge line for the Coors brewery, which I wanted to knock off my list.  Probably will try and do that today, if I have time.
3. OK, the worst of all this.  My Rockies ticket was mobile, but on Stubhub it said that I could go to Rockies Customer Service to get my ticket printed off instead.  They did it ... at a price of $5.  Five goddamn dollars just to print a ticket?!?!  They had me over a barrel at that point, but fucking Christ, that is extortion.  I need to bitch at someone for that shit.
4. Oh, and I got lost, too.  It was OK in the afternoon, but coming home from Voodoo I was fucking lost.  And since I had this painful farting emanating from my colon, I started to panic whenever a gas attack came on.
5. One more: I'm leaving for home tomorrow.  It's going to be so fucking awkward after Mother supposedly called me out for yelling and having a temper.  Like I said: Where in the fuck does she think I get my yelling and temper from?  And I still don't have a job, either.
6. Yeah, I should add one more: For the first time, or at least since I can remember, a background check wasn't perfunctory.  I have my temp agency asking for more information about past jobs.  Seriously, didn't the background check uncover that?

Maybe I should just stay in bed today.

I Haven't Packed Yet

I leave tomorrow.  In the early morning, in fact.  And I haven't packed yet, not a thing.  Got my suitcase; it was in my sister's room and I took it to my room last night, and I planned on packing things in there, but I didn't.

I have started planning -- how to get to my hotel, what things I want to do there, got tickets to a Rockies game even -- but packing?  Pshaw!

Why not?  On the one hand, it's only three days and I've done this quick vacation thing before, so I think I can wing it and procrastinate until today.  But I've got to be honest: A part of me is not looking forward to this trip.  How can one not look forward to a vacation?  Well, if there's no work waiting for him when he comes back, like me, I'm not.  I don't have a whole lot of money, and if anything, I should be home and not spending money.  But for one thing, I know I will be spending money if I were here this weekend, and for another, Southwest was running their annual deal (or deals), and I can go to Denver for about $100.  I'm a sucker for a deal, even when poor.  But should I spend money while I'm there.  Guess I will anyway, but I'll feel guilty while doing it and regret it once I come home.

See, if I can't fully enjoy myself, feel like I can do whatever the hell I want while I'm there and be OK with everything once I get back, why go?  All I will be is preoccupied with going broke and figuring out what I should do next.  That's not the mindset one should take on a vacation.  But that's mine, and I'm going anyway, prepared or not.

Too Much Goddamn Food

Since I'm out of work right now, I really don't know what the hell I'm going to do with the lunch my parents give me.  Actually, I should be grateful.  Instead of buying food I really can't afford, I have a free lunch.  But with having my days free, the pull of buying what I want is way too strong.  Maybe I don't want a free lunch; maybe I want my lunch instead.

Such is the case today.  Well, let me take this back.  To relieve the food I'm tasked to pack with me, I asked my parents not to pack a lunch for me tomorrow (Wednesday) because I told them I was going to see the doctor.  Or the dentist.  I don't remember what I told them during dinner yesterday (Monday), but I'm taking a half-day and then I'm "seeing a friend for lunch."  That's good; it gives me time to get my own thing, for once, without feeling burdened to eat something I did not choose to eat.

I did not say that for today.  To my folks, I'm working -- or at least I hope they think I'm working.  So they packed a lunch for me -- a banana, de rigeur these days, and two hard-boiled eggs, something Father had stopped doing.  Mother dyed them red for the birth of my first cousin once removed, aka my cousin's daughter.  She's a month old, so all the eggs must be dyed red.

OK.  But now I have a banana and eggs to eat … plus I want to go see RBG early this afternoon, so that of course must mean popcorn and pop … plus I am at a coffeeshop right now, where I had a mocha with a small cookie.  A part of me thinks I should have asked to "take" today "off" to balance the food I would be eating today and tomorrow.  But then, wouldn't it be weird to be taking today off to "go to the doctor's/dentist," then go back to work for a day before going on vacation?

So I am going to get really fat today from the coffeeshop and the movie and my parents, but then really lean out with just fast food tomorrow.  Oh, who am I kidding -- I'll be fat both days.

Hello? Does Anyone Want Me?

So I signed up to work the NCAA Baseball Tournament Regional at Siebert.  The guy actually called me up and left a voicemail, which I read on Google Voice.  I was busy with work, so I thought I could wait until later in the afternoon, and when I did, I couldn't get reception, so I waited until after work, when I would try again in the car.  That's where I finally connected with him.  Unfortunately, someone got back to him before I called him back, and that person got the runner job.

Look, I didn't answer the phone because I was unfamiliar with the number; for all I knew, it was a spam, and I'm not going to answer that.  And I waited to call him back after because I was busy with work for people and a company that I respect.  Plus, frankly, I thought I had time; I didn't think this guy was calling people around for people to work for him.  This particular, uh, set-up is new to me, so I want to forgive myself for not knowing how this works.  But dammit, it would have been nice to work this, especially now that (don't tell my parents) I'm out of work.

Meanwhile, the spate of jobs I've applied for last week I apparently sent out into outer space, because I have heard from absolutely no one, and I mean goddamn no one.  I really have no idea how in the fuck this is happening.  I see all these jobs, which means they're going unfulfilled, and I know they aren't great, which means there is still a need for someone to take them.  Shit, I'm overqualified for these jobs -- that's why I applied for them!  So why is no one contacting me?  The only reason I can think of is that people have made up their minds about me, whatever it is, even if they have never spoken to me, and therefore they don't want to even talk to me.  I wonder if it's my resume.  Maybe I shouldn't include my recent work because that leads people to exclude me.  If I use a less recent, or vaguer, resume, maybe I can get those jobs.  Oh, I don't know.

Finally, there's nothing coming from the temp agency I'm hearing from.  I am lined up for a two-week job, which, paycheck aside (and yes, it's important), is useless to me long-term.  On top of that -- and this is fucking weird, so I'll talk about it later -- My Father's cousin is staying with us for a couple weeks.  We may have to take her to Chicago to entertain her, and that might mean I can't take this job.  Again, since it's so short-term it doesn't matter, but ... oh, fuck it, I'm so lost right now.

I need work.  There is work.  I can't find long-term work.  And I can't even find goddamn short-term work.  I don't know what to do.