The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#0: Vikings (Re-Entry!).  OK, yesterday/Sunday afternoon's gut punch Win in Seattle was pretty fucking impressive.  I was shopping for groceries, getting my sis lottery tickets, and washing my parents' minivan during a second half where the Seahawks climbed back into the Game and then took the lead.  As a fatalistic Vikings/Minnesota sports fan, I was totally prepared to hear that the Vikes lost; it just goes with the territory, you know?  And yet, goddamn, Kevin O'Connell, Sam Darnold, and Justin Jefferson took the team on a Game-winning drive that culminated with a Darnold-to-JJ Touchdown Pass that put the Vikings ahead for good.

It was a resilient victory over a game opponent in a situation where too many times before this franchise would just come up short.  While I can nitpick (they are playing a third-place schedule, and this organization has historically yo-yoed depending on the strength of the schedule), not too often do you see these Vikings beat a good foe on the road, especially in Seattle.  My goodness, they're tied with Detroit atop the NFC Central with a 13-2 record.  O'Connell is the first Head Coach in franchise history to lead the Vikings to two 13-Win seasons ... and he's done it in his first three seasons as HC.  I'm not totally believing, but more parts of me are getting on the bandwagon, if you know what I mean.

Now, there are still two Matches left in the Year.  First up is a crucial one at home versus Green Bay Sunday afternoon.  But these Vikings have shown they can come up with the crucial play when the situation calls for it, so I'm not ruling the club out.  Gosh, could these guys ... actually win it all?

With all the being said, while they obviously take the top spot in the WMNSS, I'm not putting them in Positive Numbers only because the rest of the sports scene had lackluster results, and none of the other squads that played over the last Week deserve 0.  Even ... 

#-1: Gopher women's basketball (Last Week: -2).  ... the U. of M. women's basketball team, who finished up their non-conference schedule by beating the shit out of Prairie View A&M Friday afternoon, 96-57.  Hope the check for the bodybag Game was worth it, because it proved nothing about your team's strength.  Hosting Penn St. Saturday afternoon, however, will.

#-2: Gopher men's basketball (Last Week: -5).  Beat Farleigh Dickinson, only the second school ever to defeat a #1 Seed in the NCAA Tournament while being a #16 Seed, at Williams Saturday, 74-60.  I can't help but think that if the Gophers were a better team, they would've beaten the Knights by a larger margin.  Anyway, they have one final chance to feel good about themselves Sunday afternoon, when they finish up the non-conference portion of their schedule hosting Morgan St.

#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: -1).  OK, now's the time to panic.  They had only two Games this screening Week, both of them were at home, and they were not competitive in either one.  On Thursday, Karl-Anthony Towns came back to the team that made him and he and the New York Knicks (with former Wolves Head Coach Tom Thibodeau in tow) embarrassed the Two Elves, 133-107.  Then on Saturday, they were playing catch-up all Game and fell to The Bastard Philadelphia Warriors, 113-103.

Any problems that could be ironed out to prove that the club has been able to adjust to new personnel should have been solved by now.  The Wolves are not an excellent team right now, and they just might not be a great team, either.  And they have slipped back down to tenth in the West.  Like I said, it is time to get seriously worried about the Timberwolves.

It is a privilege to be one of the ten teams selected to play on Christmas.  They will do so in the afternoon at Dallas.  That is the middle of a three-Game road trip that starts in Atlanta tonight/Monday night and concludes Friday night at Houston.  They then come home Sunday to host San Antonio.

#-4: Wild (Last Week: -3).  Shit, man.  You could say what happened to the Mild.  Then again, they are still under an onerous salary cap deficit and no one predicted they would even be in the playoffs this Year.  Still, it is injuries that are biting this squad hard right now, as evidenced by them getting totally wiped out this Week, losing at home to Florida and The Bastard Winnipeg Jets/Phoenix-Arizona Coyotes (both at home) and at The Bastard Atlanta Thrashers.  They once tied with Winnipeg for most Points in the NHL; as of now, five teams have more Points and two are tied with the Mild.  Oh, and they've lost five out of their last six.  But like I said, maybe they are who we once thought they were.

This Week: Home dates with Chicago and Ottawa bookend a trip Friday vs. The Bastard North Stars.

Can't Really Watch The NFL Today, But Who Cares, I Got A Full Night Of Sleep!

Didn't think I would sleep so long today, but I woke up a bit past 1 in the afternoon, which blows my mind.  I think I went to bed between 3 and 4 in the morning, so I got at least nine and possibly ten hours of sleep.  And it was glorious, man, I hadn't felt so energized when I woke up in a long, long time.

Now, that threw off everything I wanted to do today.  I was able to go out to get my car washed, get gas for it, get Mega Millions tickets for Father, and cash in on free fries at McDonald's before my points expire at the end of the month/year.  But as I was walking in to Mickey D's, I could see the sun going down.  Less than 90 minutes after I wake up, the sun's going down -- can't believe it.  The Winter Solstice was yesterday/Saturday, but we will still have a lot of meteorological dark days for a while.

I forgot, however, to grab supplies for the spaghetti I plan on making Christmas.  I might as well drive the minivan to get the outside washed, and my sister just asked me to get her Mega Millions, too.  I would be bummed to have to do all of this because of football.  But besides the Vikings Game that started in Seattle at 3:05, there was Rams-Jets at noon (the only Game on in that window here in the Twin Cities this Sunday) and, alongside Vikings-Seahawks, Bills-Patriots at 3:25.  Not a great slate of NFL Games.  Plus, I woke up at 1, so I kind of slept through a full Day of pro football.

Should go out soon.  Oh yeah -- I plan on visiting a speakeasy tonight.  I like it there, and I want to go there one more time before Christmas to wish them Happy Holidays.

Couldn't Hide My Annoyance

So whenever I buy coffee or a mocha before coming to work, I transfer the cup into my mug so it keeps hot.  I do this in the break room, obviously, so I can get a stirrer and to make sure I pour it into the mug over a sink in case I spill.

The break room, however, has only one sink.  I guess it doesn't need two, but when it gets crowded, and it oftentimes does at work because some departments get scheduled breaks, it would make sense.  But it would make sense for me in this different case because, the other day, as I was about to do this pour, this guy from the lab comes up and starts to wash his hands.  He has done this before, and that is what annoyed me on this day.  Since it would be weird to remain right next to him, I scooted a couple feet away.  

Because I didn't want him to splash water or soap onto or into my cup or mug (usually there is still coffee left in the to-go cup, so I drink what's left in that, pour out a little more from my mug back into the to-go cup, drink all of that, then drink from my mug -- it's my thing), I grabbed both (or maybe one of the two, I don't remember that distinctly) when I scooted over.  And then, well, I just looked at him.  I looked at him while he thoroughly washed his hands, then grabbed a couple sheets of towels to dry them, then he started to walk away from the sink as he was drying his hands.  And that's when I swooped in to do my thing.  So, I think he got the impression that I was impatient and annoyed with him and that I would have rather him not be there.

And you know what?  That's totally true.  He ruined my routine.  All I wanted to do was pour my coffee/mocha and he interrupted that, and it wasn't the first time.  My problem was that I didn't hide it or give off the idea that what he did was not a big deal.  But by staring at him and waiting, I was totally saying, "Are you done yet?"  I didn't sigh heavily, but I might as well have.

So I'm afraid this incident is going to come back on me.  What happens if he does this again?  What happens if we cross paths in the lab?  Will he throw soapy water into my drink when I'm not looking?  Will he tip it over?  I'm not saying it will happen ... but there's a non-zero chance.  Just sayin'.

Helping Mother Over The Phone ... Yeah, Kind Of A Time Suck

One of the things that, well, annoy me about my parents leaving for Las Vegas is that, if Mother wants something from me, it sometimes takes a lot of time.  The last two times I spoke to her, Tuesday and just now, I spent many, many minutes trying to help her -- and I just realized it's basically about the same issue.

On Tuesday she needed me to go through her records to look for a company associated with her real estate holdings.  I couldn't find what she was looking for.  We even Facetimed so she can direct me to where in her office she thought this information was, to no avail.  I think that was 45 minutes.  I was trying to watch the finals of the NBA Cup.  I think she called at the start of the Second Half; by the time I was done with the call, the Game was over.

Apparently, however, Mother found the info she was looking for.  Unfortunately, she had an issue talking to this company, who sent her e-mails she didn't understand.  So her English-speaking son had to boot up his computer to check out these e-mails and see what he can do to (and I think this is the problem) correct mailing information.  But I couldn't; anyone who could help doesn't seem to be there on the weekend, and even worse, next week is Christmas Week.  There might not be a chance this issue will get fixed until after the New Year.

Meanwhile, that call took about 15, 20 minutes.  Felt longer than that, and with my chores of, um, shopping at Target and at Total Wine, I feel wiped out.  I want to have fun tonight; I plan on going to a stripper party, then shopping at the Megamall and probably eating at Hooters.  But because of this call -- and don't get me wrong, both calls were important, even though they were also both futile -- I think I need to take a nap first.  Hopefully I will still have time, if I do conk off.

Analyzing The 2023 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue

Compared to the porn I watch on a regular basis, The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue completely pales in comparison.  Maybe that's been obvious ever since I turned 18, and maybe my last time to ever acknowledge that without losing any cis male/heterosexual credibility was around the time this issue went "woke," but if I haven't said it before, well, I'm saying it now.  I am buying these yearly issues based on tradition, the same way I keep accepting and paying for binded books of the yearly addendum of my World Book Encyclopedia (that gives me an idea for a future blog post, but I digress).

With all that said, I have to say that the 2023 issue is a ... good one, and it is a great one compared to previous years.  I think the main reason is that the, well, "progressive" angle has either been tamped down or successfully integrated into the issue in a way that doesn't distract from the women being photographed in the edition.  It doesn't look as though they're making that big of a deal that these "differently-sized" models are posing, and that all of these models have lives outside of modeling meant to advance a good cause or show that she's more than a model.  That's all in the background.  That, or I have gotten so used to the proselytizing that I don't notice it now, one or the other.

At any rate, it's easier in the '23 SI Swimsuit Issue to look at gorgeous women than in recent years.  For example, I am grateful for the veterans of this issue, such as Hailey Clauson, Camille Kostek, and Jasmine Sanders.  I am piqued at some of the returnees who have got some good pictures this time around.  For one, I will point out Brooks Nader, whose cover for this issue I chose to buy from Amazon.  She's got a powerful, bangin' shot on the cover (chunky-ass bracelets notwithstanding), and her shot on page 23 is hot as hell.  I'm also looking at Lorena Duran, who, I admit, I like most of all for her ass shot on p. 126.  (Yes, the ass shots are the best ones in SI's issue.  See also Kostek's butt on p. 30 and Kamie Crawford's on p. 73.  I will be jerking off to them soon.)  Again, there are models of all body types here, and that's never going to change.  But if you want them skinny and "traditional," they're here.  Oh, they're here.  (And before I forget ... a model in the ascendency: Olivia Ponton.  See her on pages 99, 104, and 108.)

And you know, maybe the reason this feels like a throwback is that the celebrities they convinced to pose are, for the most part, conventional beauties.  LSU gymnast and social media/NIL superstar Olivia Dunne has a spread here.  Is she a starter for LSU?  I don't think so; when I saw LSU win its first-ever NCAA championship in the sport at the bar this spring, it looked as though she was asking to be photographed with the trophy for her social media, and it didn't look like she broke a sweat helping out the team.  But I guess it doesn't matter, because she's fucking hot in Sports Illustrated too, and yes, she flashes her toned ass a couple times.  Another hot woman from LSU, rebounding maven (and big who can't shoot straight) Angel Reese has a couple photographs here.  Another spread is given to Padma Lakshmi, and there may not be a more underrated celebrity when it comes to physical beauty and the courage to show it off than Lakshmi.  Look at her pics -- she's a babe, hands down.  Too bad she doesn't flaunt her ass; it's probably nice.  German transsexual pop star Kim Petras also shows off her butt, and hey, it (as well as the rest of her) ain't bad.  And while Martha Stewart keeps her bikinis in one piece, the way she flirts with the camera suggests that if she gets enough wine in her, she might be prone to cattin' around.  Just sayin'.

This is the best Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in many a year, and it might be as good as it'll ever get.  If you haven't bought it, do so.

Alright, Guess It Wasn't So Bad

Using my scrapper as a psuedo-guide, I estimated 2 1/2 inches of snow already fell when I left for work yesterday/Thursday morning.  I thought I was in for a bad ride to work, but it was alright (I did take it slow and drove on side streets, of course).  I was able to drive up my driveway after I accelerated a bit.  And when I got my yardstick out to see how tall the depth of snow was after I got home from work, it averaged out to about 4 inches.  And the snow as the powdery kind, not the wet, heart attack type.

For those two reasons, I started off with using the mini-snowblower.  It jams and stops if I push it up against more snow than it can handle, and it jammed frequently when I started out using it because I began at the base of my driveway, after plowed snow from the street was thrown onto it.  That was not a good sign, but once I got up my driveway past the plow line, it didn't jam.  In fact, it was quick and easy to use.  A few problems, however.  One, the auger and the chute are aligned in basically the same housing, so what you're looking at is both the snow you're going to plow and the direction that snow is going to be thrown.  Also, the battery lasted only half an hour, so it conked off halfway up my driveway.  Finally, I'm still having trouble digging the bottom plate against the driveway, so I know I am leaving snow on it as I pass over.  A concurrent issue with that is that the snow I plowed got caught in the air and fell back onto the driveway.  That means that my driveway actually isn't completely clear, even though the four inches of snow is gone.  I moved my cars around the driveway to clear it all, but I had trouble driving them back up after I used the mini-snowblower, so I had to shovel the bottom half of the driveway to clear it of snow.  And a dusting of snow has fallen tonight, so I might have a problem getting up the driveway again after work today/Friday.

This wasn't the quack device I was afraid it was.  I saw my neighbor use a similar device when I got home, and I thought I heard the plastic whirring of the augur of a mini-snowplow out in the distance.  Maybe this is a thing after all.  However, my main problem is that, as easy and quick it is to use, it is also very small.  As big and kind of onerous it is to haul out a normal-sized snowblower, I think I could have cleared much more of the driveway, if not all of it, in 30 minutes.  I don't know if I'd have the patience to make, oh, 50 passes across my driveway in order to get all the snow out using this thing.  And what if it's the wet kind of snow?  Would it work then?  I have my doubts.

Anyway, the work was (just about) half done when the battery died, so I shoveled the rest, and since it was the dry type, it was a breeze to shovel that snow away.  Two hours after I started I was done.  And I didn't have to worry about potentially breaking the garage door because it doesn't have a backup battery, because I didn't have to use the normal-sized snowplow after all.

Man, I felt so energized after I got done.  I felt like I accomplished something, even if it was the laborious chore of clearing snow.  But this time 24 hours ago I didn't know if I had the strength to get through it.  I think I did, thank Buddha.

Pissed Off And Freaked Out Over The First Snowstorm Of The Season

There have been worse ones, but this one is forecast to be bad -- goddamn, maybe half a foot -- and this has sapped my mental energy since last night.  Last night it was going to be a nuisance, only 2-4 inches.  Fucking thing got amped up, apparently, and I am scared as fuck about it.

It is mainly falling over the course of my workday.  It'll start overnight, be at its heaviest just as I start work, and it might be ending by the time I get home.  So, driving is the first and the worst of my anxieties.  We've had dustings here and there, but this is the first fucking snowstorm of the season, and no one in the world is worse at driving than Minnesotans after the first snowstorm of the season, and I include myself in that.  I'm scared that I'll get stuck somewhere, or I'll drive myself onto oncoming traffic.

But there is so much fucking more to worry about.  That I have to go into the lab and pull out packages that might be leaking piss today gives me even less to look forward to on a day where I'm scared I'm not going to even make it into work.  I don't know if I can use the snowblower if I have to use it because I don't have a backup battery in my garage door opener.  I obviously have power, and I guess I could open it with it plugged in, but I don't know if I'm supposed to, and if I am afraid to, I can't open the garage door, which means I can't use the snowblower which sits in my garage.  Oh, Father bought a handheld snowblower, one of those things that looks like a metal detector but it's supposed to throw snow like a snowblower, except not.  He wants me to try it, and I might have no choice but to try it, but I just looked online at how it works, and I'm not sure if I can do it, and besides, if we're getting the amount of snow I'm afraid we'll get, using this thing to clear my driveway is like using a thimble to dump water out of my canoe.  Oh, and I don't know where the battery charger for this thing is, so I don't even know if I have the juice for it.

I'm scared that the city will dam up the end of my driveway so I can't drive up it.  I hate that I might have to park on the street, walk in the snow up to my house, potentially open my door manually and possibly decapitate myself if it falls on me, or run into the garage through the basement to get my shovel to start shovelling half a foot of goddamn snow, and even more at the end of my driveway.  Motherfuck, I don't need this shit now, goddammit. ...

Fuckin' Janitors Tossed My Liquids

The cleaning crew at work threw away my coffee creamers and the bottles of apple and grape juice I hadn't finished yet.  There are two refrigerators, and pretty much every other week (although not next week because of the holidays) they're supposed to clean one of them, and they will clean out and throw away anything in the fridge they're cleaning.  I think I lost bottles of creamer once, and about a half-hour after they threw away the sub I just put in a fridge this one time, I frantically asked the janitors if I could have it back.  (I found it, still completely wrapped up, IIRC.  And yes, I ate it.  I paid for it!)

This ... well, this one came as a blindside.  The janitors are supposed to put up a sign in front of the fridge that is supposed to be cleaned out Monday evening the week prior.  Because of that bad memory, I know I always am diligent to move my creamers out of the fridge that will be cleaned and put it in the other one.  But like I said, they don't alternate cleaning every week, and I fucking swear to God that I didn't see a sign last week.  Now, I took Thursday off, and Friday was that shitty day where I got hit with an avalanche of work in The Fourth Department (BTW, it still hasn't abated, and it won't for a while) and then I had to get to the Timberwolves Game, and I didn't work Monday (I blog posted about my off-on schedule here) because I was working the Vikings Game.  I was venting with my supervisor and co-workers late yesterday/Tuesday afternoon about this, and they speculated that the cleaners put up the sign later in the week, like Thursday, and that's why I missed it.  If so, goddammit, that's their fault because they need to give all of us a week's notice.  Shit!

I had three bottles of creamer.  One of them was brand new.  Didn't even open the fucking bottle yet.  And yes, I had two bottles of juice I hadn't completely drank.  But fuckin' A, they were mine.  Those two bottles of juice and three bottles of creamer cost (granted, I think one was nearly empty and one was half-empty) ... oh, $20, $25?  Again, that amount is not like a mortgage, and I drank through a lot of creamer and apple and grape juice up to Monday, and obviously I can't do anything about it now.  But I can't help but look at it in terms of money, and that's money that was fucking taken away from me.  And I think -- no, I'm not 100% certain -- that I got royally fucked because no one put up a notice when they were supposed to.

The thing is, I didn't realize this until the middle of work yesterday, when I had to break away from my desk because the avalanche of work in The Fourth Department kept rolling down on my head.  And that might allude to why I didn't move my stuff (assuming I was given ample warning, which I don't think I got): I was too distracted by other things this time around to notice.  Beyond that, I didn't have time during the rest of my day once I realized I lost my shit to lose my shit because I had work to do.  It's only when I'm dwelling on what I lost -- for example, as I'm writing this -- that I'm pissed off.  For most of the rest of the day, at least until I vented to my supervisor and colleagues, I wasn't pissed because I had other things I had to concentrate on.

And so delving into work, like I will have to do today, might be a good thing because it takes my attention away from being pissed off at the fucking janitors.  I have half a mind to confront them next Monday evening for "stealing" my stuff.  But if I plunge into my work -- and I left yesterday/Tuesday, like Friday, with a ton of work to do even after I gave myself two extra hours at work -- I won't have time to get mad, and therefore I won't do something reckless and futile.  It's the best I can do.

In the meantime, I have to go to Target after work this/Wednesday evening and buy more creamer.

Teamwork Really Does Make The Dream Work!

If the dream, of course, is to get down with strike as soon as possible.  And even though I haven't worked that hard physically since, well, working for these guys for Monday Night Football last year, I don't think it was as as bad or as long as strike was last year.  Two hours after the Game got done, and it flew by.  It helps tremendously that there were a lot of people on hand to do all the work.

And maybe because I felt so good that I wasn't bogged down by hard and interminable labor, I didn't immediately crash into bed like I thought I would.  In fact, I'm energized right now, even though I have about four hours of sleep I can cram before I have to go to my regular job.  I should go to bed now, even though I'm awake, because I might really crash at work today.

Just want to say that, like two weeks ago, I have taken two of the past three days I would be working at, uh, work off.  I did not work Thursday because I needed to take paid time off.  Friday I worked.  And today/Monday, even though I am working the Vikings Game today, I am not working at, uh, work.

I don't mind taking days off.  Just sayin'.