The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher women's hockey (Last Week: -1).  A team in a sport that appears to be in stasis tends to just be at their level.  In other words, the U. has settled into a Tier 1-ish position, where they are annihilating squads that are ranked just to fill out a poll -- in this case, sweeping a home-and-home from then-tenth-ranked St. Cloud St. by a combined 9-4 -- but routinely get spanked by the true blue bloods.  Going 4-0 against ranked clubs isn't chopped liver.  However, until evolution finally shifts, the only Games that truly matter are the ones against Wisconsin and Ohio St.  And the first of these four series comes this weekend, when the Buckeyes come to town for showdowns Saturday and Sunday afternoon.

#-2: Gopher football (Last Week: -6).  I've been thinking about how the worst team in the Big Ten this Year is after Penn St. fired James Franklin.  You can make a case that is the Nittany Lions.  It also could be Wisconsin, who, if they get their asses kicked at home Saturday by Ohio St., could fire Luke Fickell Sunday.  It could be Michigan St., who might fire Jonathan Smith.  (It might not be UCLA, who had the bottom all to themselves until two Weeks ago and are now The Team You Don't Want To Face right now.)  Or it could be Purdue, who were the absolute pitts the past two seasons.  They have won twice this Year and gave the Gophs a game, but the U. was game enough to put the Boilermakers away, 27-20.  Thank God they did that; it was Homecoming.  And hey, Chad Smith of Red Hot Chili Peppers was there to perform with The University of Minnesota Marching Band at Halftime!

I saw him and RHCP play at U. S. Bank Stadium.  After they were done, Chad Smith stepped up to the mic and tell/remind everyone he was born here.  Really?!  Also, both of his parents are Gopher alumni!  And he just set up a scholarship at the U.!!  Cool!!!

Now comes an intriguing Friday night Game at home vs. Nebraska, who might actually be back now.  Is that BS?  Can the Gophers win in what will be an electric atmosphere for a nationally-televised Match over free TV?  I will be there to work it, and I think I can't wait.

#-3: Gopher soccer (Last Week: -7).  The results have been middling enough where they probably won't make it into the NCAA Tournament yet again this season.  But they had a pretty good screening Week considering, going undefeated at home hosting the Los Angeles schools.  On Thursday they took it to my alma mater and won, 2-1, on a Goal in the 83rd Minute by Caroline Birdsell.  (Aside: My alma mater was ranked in the pre-season, but now it looks like they too will miss the tourney.  What the hell happened?)  Then on Sunday afternoon, they held then-ninth-ranked UCLA to a scoreless Draw as Goalkeeper Sarah Martin saved a dozen shots.  For her heroics over the Week, she was named B1G Goalkeeper Of The Week.

The end of October is approaching, meaning the end of the season is approaching as well.  They travel to the Pacific Northwest to battle Washington tomorrow/Thursday night and Oregon Sunday afternoon.

#-4: Gopher men's hockey (Last Week: -4).  A legendary program that, I finally noticed, has not made a ton of noise during the off-season that has turned the sport into the Wild West, what with allowing players from Canadian juniors to play college hockey in the States.   That might be reflected in their disappointing early weekend at Mariucci, where they lost to ranked Boston College Thursday night by a score of 3-1 and took the Shootout Point after skating to a 2-all Tie Friday evening.  This is a young group who saw all their veterans and stars leave after last season's failure of a run, so no one is expecting them to be a contender.  Still, it's a bummer to believe that The Pride On Ice will be humbled a lot this season.  It could come at the hands of hated rival (and eighth-ranked) North Dakota, with whom they will pick up the rivalry by playing at Grand Forks Friday and Saturday night.

#-5: Wild (NEW SEASON!!).  Wow: This is the first time this season I'm talking about the Mild, and they've already played four Games.  And typifying the mediocre nature of this entire fuckin' franchise, they sit at 2-2.  Their season-opening Win, 5-0 at St. Louis, was a great start.  But their other victory was home to Los Angeles via Shootout, and their two defeats were massive ones -- 7-4 over Columbus at the X Grand Casino Arena, then 5-2 in Dallas versus The Team That Was Stolen From Us.  As a reminder, I amplify results against The Bastard North Stars because, well, they should still be here in Minnesota.  Since they lost to them, and lost badly, I rank them behind a U. men's icers team that, if you look at it cynically, won only half a Game.  Two bright spots: Kirill Kaprizov, The Richest Man In The NHL, has four Goals, and Matt Boldy has scored once in each Game so far.  They certainly aren't the problem.  But you once again get the feeling that this season will end with yet another goddamn First Round exit.

Yesterday's/Tuesday's Loss starting a five-Game road trip that now swings east.  They play Washington and Philadelphia on back-to-back nights (namely Friday and Saturday), then visit The New York Rangers at Madison Square Garden Monday night.

#-6: Gopher volleyball (Last Week: -5).  I hear that this club has been racked by injuries.  Still, this group has a shaky 4-2 conference mark which was made much worse by a humiliating home sweep by unranked UCLA Wednesday when the Goofers were ranked 14th.  I was watching parts of the Game while exercising and I couldn't believe that this team, this program, is being pushed around at home.  They somewhat made up for it by sweeping Ohio St. at Maturi Sunday afternoon, but that made the Loss to the Bruins even more inexplicable.

While there's not even anyone thinking this team is a contender, they remain safely in the NCAAs, according to advanced metrics.  Still, there are fish to fry -- in the PNW, as they visit Oregon Friday and Washington Saturday.