#-1: Twins (Last Week: -2). Fuck these teams. Fuck both of these teams!!! There ain't no goddamn difference between these two fucking putrid clubs. I should put both of these squads at -Infinity, but I don't want to start a precedent. The only reason I'm putting the Twinkies first is because they won, once, 10-1 over Cleveland on Tuesday. It was the only time this week that any Minnesota professional team actually beat someone, for crissake. Tuesday was the only fucking time this week any team had both good pitching (thank you, 9-7 Scott Baker) and decent hitting (thank you, Mr. 4-RBI Guy Carlos Gomez). Otherwise they lost every which way, including getting emasculated at home by the Los Angeles Of Anaheim Angels Of Los Angeles Angels Of Anaheim Angels Of, by, like a combined 1,000,000-3. Every thing has gone to hell at the same time, they're under .500 again, and somehow they're still not completely out of it in the division. The question of whether they've done anything to deserve it, however, is getting answered in the negative very, very quickly. At Detroit, then home to Kansas City.
#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -3). The swoon continues. Apparently, a lynx curls up into a ball and die every August. Back-to-back losses at Detroit and home to Phoenix has made this team's early hot start completely irrelevant. They're technically in third place, but their 10 losses ties them with both the Los Angeles Farmers Insurance and San Antonio. They could be out of the playoffs by this time next week with games at home to hometown daughter Linsday Whalen and Connecticut on Friday and then the Silver Stars on Sunday. I could say more, but I have to go home and make sure My Fucking Mother hasn't changed the locks to the house.
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