Thursday, August 13, 2009

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Timberwolves (Re-Entry!).  David Kahn finally got a new Head Coach, and it's the guy I always knew as The Lone White Guy On Showtime.  He certainly has the pedigree and achievements (namely the four NBA titles he won with the Bastard Minneapolis Lakers) that'll give the Woofie Dogs some credibility. But as the Star Tribune's Jim Souhan cleverly points out, some of the best coaches pay their dues in places a hell of a lot less cushy than besides Phil Jackson. Maybe, as he says, he couldn't wait to fulfill his role as the Zen Master's heir apparent, but besides a less-than-full season (the '99 season, which, in case you forgot, was the lockout year), he hasn't been a Head Coach before. He's an unknown for a team filled with unknowns after they traded guys who didn't play too shabbily and weren't completely useless. Well, at least he'll have sympathy for being clotheslined by Kevin McHale, the Man Who Fucked The Wolves. And now, out of obligation, is the infamous Clothesline:



#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1).  A 2-3 week, including a home ass-kicking by Kansas City, of all fuckin' teams.  You know things aren't going your way when your recent pitching pickup, Carl Pavano, may be the best hurler on your team right now.  (Saw him pitch inbetween writhing by a belly dancer; I actually was torn between the two all night.)  It's not the hitting really.  This week's runs: 8, 11, 7, 6, 7.  They finish up against the Royals this afternoon, host Cleveland this weekend, then visit the Bastard Washington Senators v.2.0 for four.

#-3: Lynx (Last Week: -2).  A 1-1 week means they're still at .500 (11-11), still trying to beat back San Antonio, still trying to recapture the mojo of the first half of the season.  They snapped a three-game losing streak (and a five-game losing streak at home?!?!?!) with a win over Connecticut on Friday.  But although they lost on a buzzer-beater by the Silver Stars' Ann Wauters, they were down by as much as 17 in the middle of the third quarter.  There has been little perimeter defense from this team since their swoon began.  Brian Martin of WNBA.com points a surprisingly encouraging sign, however: Although the Lynx play only one-third of their remaining schedule at home (a fancy way of saying 4 of 12), they now have a better record away from Target Center.  What will happen when they play at Chicago and Los Angeles this week (after hosting class of the league Indiana Thursday)?

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