#-1: United FC (Last Week: -1). This was a pretty shitty Week for local sports, not going to lie. (Ironically enough, the two teams that had two decent Weeks are the ones at the top and at the foot of the table -- see all the way to the end.) It was easy to put the Loons first this Week because they went into Yankee Stadium and beat NYCFC Sunday afternoon, 2-1. But I have to admit they were gifted three Points. For one, while Tani Oluwaseyi had a scintillating run and finish to slot home Kelvin Yeboah's centering Pass in the first Minute of the Match, he looked offsides to me, and seeing replay, it wasn't close, yet VAR let it stand. Also, the Pigeons got a Penalty Kick in First Half Injury Time after the Ref determined Michael Boxall fouled in the box, but NYCFC's Alonso Martinez hit his attempt hard against the post. Keaton Parks drew one back in the 89th, but MNUFC managed to hold on for the road Win.
I have dogged Wil Trapp from time to time here, but I read an article once that if anyone from this club were ever to appear for the USMNT, it would be Trapp. And he was acting frisky in this one, hitting the ball from beyond the box, and then receiving an Indirect Free Kick from Joaquin Pereyra and finding the back of the net with his second boomer. I don't ever remember seeing Trapp score. Meanwhile, it look as though Head Coach Eric Ramsay has found his attacking tandem in Yeboah and Oluwaseyi. If so, may it reap dividends for seasons to come.
With all that said, the competition they have faced that has gotten them to a virtual tie for second place in the West (alongside expansion squad San Diego FC) wasn't like facing the SEC in basketball this past Year. And they'll get to face another tomato can as they head north across the border and visit winless Toronto FC Saturday afternoon.
#-2: Wild (Last Week: -2). The teams from here until we got to the very bottom have flashed more warning signs than good signs. I was torn when it came to putting the Mild in second place this screening Week. After all, they started off losing at both New York City clubs (although they scratched out a loser Point vs. the Rangers on Wednesday). But on Sunday at home in Overtime, they withstood The Bastard North Stars and won, 3-2, ending their losing streak at four contests. And it's a rule for me in the WMNSS that a victory over The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0 counts a little more than any other Win.
With all that said, The Bastard Atlanta Flames are charging hard; they are now only four Points behind the Mild for the final playoff spot in the West, and Calgary has one more Game to play. And goddamn, in the final Week of the NHL regular season, those two play in Calgary Friday night. Also, they host San Jose tonight/Wednesday night, travel to Vancouver the night after playing at Calgary, then finish the season hosting Anaheim Tuesday. We'll see if they even each the playoffs this time next Week.
#-3: Timberwolves (Last Week: 0). See, once again, the Timberwolves had a Week that looked like the exact opposite of the Wild. While the Wild went 1-2, the Wolves went 2-1, routing the Nets in Brooklyn and outlasting the 76ers in Philadelphia, then losing last/Tuesday night at Milwaukee to end their winning streak at five tilts. The problem is that in the ultra-competitive Western Conference, they have slipped back into Play-In position -- and in eighth place, to be exact, albeit one Game behind four teams (the Clippers, Nuggets, Warriors and Grizzlies) for fourth. Their lackluster play against teams they should beat is coming back to bite them in the asses now, and even though it won't take much to catapult them to home-court advantage in the First Round, they are back stuck in the Play-In limbo they've been in much of the Year. So, even though they had a better screening Week than the Timberwolves, I'm looking at the overall picture and believe the Woofie Dogs are in a worse position now.
With that said, they, like the Wild, are entering the final Week of the regular season. They have their final road Game of the season at The Bastard Vancouver Grizzlies tomorrow/Thursday night, but finish at home against two teams they're supposed to beat, Brooklyn Friday (after playing them just eight Days before) and, finally, The Bastard New Orleans Jazz Sunday. That's three Games in four Days -- can the Timberwolves survive that finishing stretch?
#-4: Twins (Last Week: -3). Dogshit, these guys. Many analyzers thought these guys would win the American League Central Division because they had the best Rotation, Lineup and Bullpen. I saw that they added only three players over the offseason to the tune of less than $11 million total and conclude that the Twinks are running it back with the same fucking squad that played itself out of the postseason by playing at a .333 clip for the last Month of the season, so how could they win? And it turns out my pessimistic ass was right, for the finished the Week 2-4, losing their opening home series versus Houston and now trying to avoid getting swept in Kansas City tonight/Wednesday night. Griffin Jax helped the Astros come back from six Runs down on Sunday to win in extra Innings, Pablo Lopez left his start last/Tuesday night (a 2-1 Loss to the Royals) early with some sort of injury, Carlos Correa is batting around The Mendoza Line and Harrison fucking Bader has the highest Batting Percentage of anyone on the team. And they're already four Games behind Detroit in the Division. Suckage.
After finishing up in K. C., they host the Tigers over the weekend and the Mets starting on Monday, both for three Games.
#-5: Gopher softball (Last Week: -5). Like the Wild and Timberwolves, I face a similar dilemma differentiating between the Golden Gopher softball and baseball teams. Let's be honest: They're both fucking terrible. But while the softballers lost their series at Purdue over the weekend, at least they won the getaway Game Sunday, 11-8, snapping an icky-poo nine-Game losing streak. Maybe some home cooking in a weekend series against Oregon will turn things around. (It probably won't.)
#-6: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4). Holy shit, the diamond teams in the Twin Cities are fucking terrible! The baseballers won one Game, but it was last/Tuesday night at home over South Dakota St., but the final score was 4-3, and they had to come back from an early deficit to the Jackrabbits by plating three Runs in the Third Inning. Unlike the U. softball team, they can't say they broke their losing streak to a Big Team team. No, they got swept by Penn St., and at home. And that was the second straight sweep at Siebert to a conference team; they dropped all three Matches against Iowa the weekend before.
They'll host St. Thomas tonight/Wednesday night to finish their 12-Game, two-venue homestand (which currently stands at 4-7) before playing a trio at Ohio St. The Golden Goofers are 12-17 overall and 2-10 in-conference, and thank Buddha they will play against the only conference team that technically is worse than them.
#-Infinity: Gopher women's basketball (Re-Entry!). Congratulations, I guess, go out to the Gopher women's b-ball team, who defeated Belmont last Wednesday, 75-63, to win the Women's Basketball Invitational Tournament, or the WBIT, or what I would like to call the "Wabbit." I normally don't care about winning inferior tournaments. I still don't. But I want to note that Head Coach Dawn Plitzuweit has gotten her charges to the finals of a secondary tournament for the second season in a row. Could be worse, but at some point these appearances should be a springboard to the NCAA Tournament, aka the one that really counts.
Immediately after The Big Dance is over, news organizations put out their Way-Too-Early Top 25 for next Year, and you can guess that there are huge differences between the lists. Charlie Creme of ESPN.com has the U. as part of the "Receiving Votes" category, but Sabreena Merchant of The Athletic has them 16th. (To further emphasize the lack of agreement between the two writers, Creme has my alma mater 12th, but Merchant has them off her Top 25 entirely.) There was much deserved hype over Minnesota coming into the past season, but they tailed off at the end and wound up playing in the Wabbit. It's Plitzuweit's third season. Time to level up.
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