#-1: United FC (Last Week: -3). There remains not a whole lotta rizz (am I using that right?) regarding the Loons. But that boredom isn't justified by the facts in evidence. I had low hopes heading into Saturday's Match at home against the Sounders, a team that they finally beat in Seattle for the first time in history. I was afraid that recent bad form would do MNUFC in.
But hey, by dint of a Joaquin Pereyra cross that everybody thought was going to be knocked around the box but instead landing past Seattle's Goalkeeper and in, United FC in fact swept the Sounders this Year (for the first time ever, obvi). Couple that with Vancouver blowing a 1-0 lead to a Goal to Houston conceded in the 97th Minute, and the Loons are now in second place in The Western Conference, one Point ahead of the Whitecaps. Moreover, there is finally some movement in the Transfer Window, as MNUFC is signing Austrian Winger Dominik Fitz, a player Minnesota and other Major League Soccer teams were looking at. The Transfer Window isn't close yet ... but while United FC might be signing, there are reports that other teams higher up the food chain are looking into grabbing Pereyra or Tani Oluwaseyi. I hope they can be loaned back to Minnesota for the rest of the season.
They're in Salt Lake City Saturday.
#-2: Lynx (Last Week: -1). They finish 2025 going 3-1 against The New York Liberty. They played the Libs their past three tilts, destroying them in Brooklyn by a dozen, surviving them in a thriller at Target Center Saturday afternoon on free national television, but then succumbed to a Liberty squad trying to stave off a sweep last/Tuesday night, 85-75. I guess you can say that if Napheesa Collier were playing (and what bad timing that both Phee and Breanna Stewart were hurt; this condensed season series had to have been built on their appearances, so this must be an incredibly frustrating turn of events for the WNBA), the Loss would be a Win and the Wins would be blowouts. Yeah, I'll take that for now, as well as the fact the Lynx remain in the driver's seat for home-court advantage throughout the playoffs.
They have to worry about their next contest, at surging Atlanta tomorrow/Thursday night. They then play a home-and-home (first away then home) versus the injury-ravaged Indiana Fever.
#-3: Twins (Last Week: -2). Went 2-4 this past screening Week, with many of the past series being ones where they dropped all but the last Game. It's become a dispiriting pattern that makes you think the other team knows it can beat the hell out of the Twinks, but they wanted to show mercy by giving them the last one.
With all that said, there has been stray, random accomplishments by those left behind. And that's the problem: There is enough effort and success you can see in the youngsters that are getting all this playing time to believe that hey, maybe the future is brighter since all that talent was traded away. And then you see The Bastard Seattle Pilots, situated in the smallest metropolitan area in Major League Baseball with a bottom-third payroll, currently owning The Best Record In MLB. The problem is that, while in theory every club in pro baseball has a chance of winning The World Series (and I believe that there is more competitive balance than in the nineties when The New York fucking Yankees were fucking winning everything), you have to take into account the skinflint ways of the Pohlad family, as well as the weaselspeak they employed when, after months of saying they want to sell the team, basically said "Psyche!" and pulled it off the market. They then released a statement that the passion Twins fans who decided to remain is one they share. Bullshit. They are going to trade Joe Ryan in the offseason and the cupboard won't be any barer than it will be by then.
Ryan, by the way, took the Loss in last/Tuesday night's 6-3 doubling up (at home) by the (blank) Athletics. The announced attendance was around 23,000, which is about 24,000 more people than the Twinks deserve. Are those people loyal, or are they suckers? Or are they loyal suckers?
After finishing up at home vs. The Bastard Philadelphia/Kansas City/Oakland Athletics, they will in Comiskey against the White Sox over the weekend, then cross the border to play Toronto for three starting on Monday. Hope the Latino players make it back!
#-4: Gopher soccer (NEW SEASON!!). This should be a make-or-break season for Head Coach Erin Chastain. And while they romped over St. Thomas at Robbie Stadium Sunday night, 3-0, I can't get over their season-opening defeat (also at home) to BYU Thursday night. The Match was scoreless until, in the 30th Minute, the Cougars' Avery Frischknecht was given a Red Card for what I guess was a pretty brutal Tackle while the Gophers were attacking. Not on the end of that attack but on a subsequent one about three Minutes later, a Cross to Caroline Birdsell gave the U. a 1-0 lead.
But in the Second Half, BYU scored not once, not twice, but thrice, and they won going away on the road, 3-1. Remember, the Cougars were down to ten players but managed to score three times and win comfortably. I'm sorry, but that not only is inexplicable, but it's fucking inexcusable. You have the man advantage and not only can't you beat the other team, but you allow that ten-player side to score three on you??? What the fuck?!
These Goofers host Northern Illinois, the third of a four-Match homestand, Sunday afternoon.
#-Infinity: Aurora (Re-Entry!). Oh, I need to give some raspberries to Minnesota Aurora FC, the local semi-pro women's soccer team, before it gets too late. About a Month ago, they lost in the Semifinals of the USL-W playoffs to Utah United, 1-0. Get this: This organization has never lost a Match in the regular season ... and they have never won a championship. That's the goddamn motherfuckingest Minnesota sports team bullshit I've ever fucking seen.
I threw in some money when the Aurora was born. I was there in Eagan when they hosted the title Game their first Year in existence. They blew a Penalty Kick that would have put them in the lead late into Extra Time; little did we know at the time that that would be an echo of Gary Andersen's missed kick. And then I saw them allow a Goal from, like, 30 Yards away. I immediately got up and marched towards my car because I goddamn knew they just fucking blew their shot at winning a title. I was right, and I am still glad I had the good sense to escape before the parking lot was backed up with thousands of stunned chumps. So I gladly disown this perennially underachieving bunch of losers right now. Fuck them all.
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