The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2). In a significant -- and, I think, should be rare -- upset, the Gophs take the top spot on the strength of their 3-1 week. Sadly for me, I attended their one loss, a frustrating 7-2 defeat where at one point they were retired 13 at-bats in a row and, more dispiriting, didn't get a single hit after the second inning. It actually was a mighty feat for their opponent, Indiana -- until I saw that they were blown out the other two games in their series, 14-0 and 10-0. I'm even more pissed off that I went to the one loss now. (I thought college baseball had a mercy rule?) And they broke a two-game losing streak to middling schools in midweek games, beating North Dakota St. at Fargo, 11-6, Wednesday.

Fairly exciting week coming up. Did you know that Iowa is the only bigtime name school in the state that furnishes a baseball program? Yeah, with Iowa St. discontinuing theirs early in the decade and Northern Iowa shutting theirs down after last season, if you want to be a baseball player and stay in Iowa, you'll have to be a Hawkeye. Anyway, the Gophers play at Iowa this weekend. And then they go to the Big 12 and play a pair with Kansas St. Tuesday and Wednesday.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -1). A .500 week (3-3) which featured their first series loss (this one just finished to Detroit), and their first back-to-back defeats of the season, the last team in Major League Baseball to do so. Plus, they have lost three of their last four. I smell a regression! Scott Baker isn't stepping as the potential ace the Twins still believe he could be. Only because I have him on my fantasy team, what the hell happened to Jason Kubel? Finally, it seems like they're nursing some injuries, in particular Justin Morneau. Hopefully they'll get these dings and tweaks out of the way now instead of September and October.

This week they finish their jaunt through the A.L. Central, visiting Cleveland this weekend and hosting the Tigers midweek before beginning a set with Baltimore.

#-3: Vikings (Re-Entry!). Hmmm. ... They needed a cornerback, and they drafted one in Chris Cook. But there were at least four CB's rated better than him. Could they have moved up to get, say, Kyle Wilson, or even Devin McCourty? Toby Gerhart as a complement to Adrian Peterson was done for one reason only: Fumbles. In 710 carries and catches, he has fumbled 10 times. That's what the draft's for. Can't give it a grade, but I think it was good.

#-4: Swarm (Last Week: -3). Well, you can't go into a postseason on more of a cold streak than the local box lacrosse club. They lost to the Orlando Titans last Saturday at the X, 12-11. That gave the Titans the Eastern Conference, and the Swarm a six-game losing skid. They went completely winless (0-5) in April. But, does it count that the four losses at home were all by a single goal? No? Nope, didn't think so.

Saturday night they're in Everett, Wash. to play the Washington Stealth, the team with the best record in the National Lacrosse League and home-field advantage throughout the playoffs. If they win this one ... well, it'll be a fluke and I'll have to see what the Swarm do next. I wish them luck anyway.

Oh, now you wanna be a little bitch, Father? I always get snippy when you fucking nag about recycling the papers, so deal with the piddles of newsprint I put out this week, bitch. So you're just anticipating my enmity for you when I stand around and even extend my hand for the rag to wipe down the table when you just fucking do it yourself? Even Mother noticed I wanted to help, but you were like "No!" like a baby.

Fuck you. God, how much I fucking hate you. ...

My Nightmare

Oh yeah! I forgot I had a vicious fucking nightmare this morning, my first one in ages!

I don't know how, but I remmeber being attacked by a swarm of ... something. Maybe it was bees, but I don't remmeber seeing any yellow. Could it be ants, maybe fire ants? Pirahnas? Mosquitos?

And then I felt a giant octupus or squid latch its suckers onto the back of my head. I remember struggling and shaking in my bed. I may have even screamed out as I was trying to "get away" from the sucky monster.

And then I woke up. I woke up suddenly; I even remember opening my eyes just a slit and seeing the light come through the window. And then I fell asleep.

Wow, what a fucking nightmare.

Why did I go and eat a huge, eight-dollar meal at Culver's Sunday mid-afternoon when I knew there was going to be Sunday dinner a few hours later? I don't know.

Why did I try this new place close to my house and eat a seven-dollar lunch past my self-imposed lunch deadline of one o'clock on Monday, knowing that I wasn't even that hungry (even though their white chicken chili was excellent)? I don't know.

My guesses: Boredom or my allergies.

The Sudden Closing Of Java Classics

I was beginning to like Java Classics. At first when I saw this pop up in Northtown, like, a year ago, I thought it was a certain fail. Who ever heard of a coffeehouse inside a mall, especially when I can name two around the area that are bigger?

But then I got burned out at those two places and I wanted to hang out at the mall I've known all my life, so I gave this place a try. It wasn't even a real coffeeshop with a barista and all that. No, they had these self-serve drink machines, like a gas station; you push a button to pour this drink into your cup and have to release it, like, two-thirds of the way through so it won't overflow and burn your hand.

At first I thought I was turned off by it, but then I started to notice the good parts of this place. There was a plasma TV. There were many tables and many sockets to juice up my computer. And the "coffee" was cheap, almost a third much as Dunn Bros. or Caribou. And since it was not horribly busy so I can just put on my headphones and surf the Internet in peace, I realized I was wrong; this was a great place.

I drank there about a half-dozen more times. I soon grew to like the place. There were no run-ins with strangers. I saw that a disproportionate number of customers were hot chicks (although that number was dwarfed by the number of mall walkers who would swoop in for a quick hot one). The girls working the counter were cute, too. I once wanted to pay with a credit card and the manager said he couldn't take them for purchases that cheap; he then volunteered to write up a note reminding me to pay him the next time! I was so moved by his gesture I decided to let go of my no-cash day and give him the money. The last time I was there the hot girl behind the counter (she had piercings everywhere, including her clavicle!) let me change the channel on the TV to sports. In short, I was falling in love with the place because it felt like home.

I wanted to go there again this afternoon because ... well, just because; I was in a weird state, so I wanted to just go there. I then had to run back home because Home Depot's a parking lot away and I should get an estimate on the new kitchen countertop Father's planning to put in on my way to enjoying some coffee.

I park on one side of the mall to walk all the way through the other side and Home Depot, then plan to come back to my car, dump the estimate, pick up my laptop and veg. But on my way to the Depot I check out Java Classics ... and it's all black. And when I look inside I see an even graver picture: The tables are gone. It's as if someone looted the place.

I can't believe it. The last time I drank there was Saturday. Hell, I was at the mall yesterday and walked by it. It was never packed to the gills, but every time I went by it it looked like someone was there. I thought I was wrong to believe this business would go under. I guess I was wrong about being wrong.

This sudden loss depresses me. I had no idea this was coming; I don't think the cute girls who worked there knew the store was closing. I am faced with the sudden absence of a place I had grown to love, trust and feel safe in. I think I'm OK right now because the impact of its demise hasn't sunk in yet; I suppose this denial. But this will hit me soon.

Walking back from Home Depot I looked through the closed doors one more time, except that this time one of the doors was open. I noticed the TV was also not there. Who were there were these two ladies; either one of them was showing the other what the space is like, or they're planning how to gut the remaining furnishings.

I had no choice but to stare. I wanted to know what the hell happened to Java Classics (which, turns out, is just a franchise-heavy coffee concept/business that boasts its energy drink category will "grow 67% in the next two years" [good luck with that]). But I didn't want to sound stupid. And yet I stared, enough to that one of the women there noticed me. Now I'd look dumb to scram because she noticed me, like I was a thief and she was a cop. So I just kind of looked around to make sure she was approaching me because of me.

She did -- "Can I help you?" she said.

"No, just looking," I replied, keeping my deep, abiding love for and this sudden, shocking pain of the death of Java Classics a secret.

Just in case she felt I was going to ask if this was going to be a new store, after she asked me she went around to one of the windows and took down a sign. Yes, definitely, Java Classics is done. And another place has been taken from me.

Another Reason Why I Hate Humanity: No One Cares

Heard about this story on the nightly news tonight. Would it bother them to even fucking call 911? I mean, there was one guy who took a photo of this man; if you're going to bother with doing that, why not use your phone the way it was originally intended and call someone?

The thing that bugs me the most: This guy stuck his neck out to help a stranger, yet no stranger would return the favor. Shit, the woman he helped took off and ran, too. I hope I have the common decency to at least call when I see someone dying.

All those fuckers who let this Good Samartian bleed to death are barely better than the man who stabbed him. You guys should go to hell, too.

So, are you mad at me or not mad at me? You stealing my money and you tell me to fuck off, then call me baby when serving me coffee? You don't seem to want to flash people, yet you're very affectionate to your regulars (who probably give you money -- like I did). I want to like you again because I want you to stroke my cock again. But I don't know if you like me. So why should I be warm to you and act like nothing happened when everything happened?

I'm such a clutz. I was entering the house after buying something yesterday. Somehow, after I opened the front door, I stuck my right foot behind it, on the outside. But, me being a clutz, I thought my body was free and clear of it. So when I force the door shut "behind" me, it actually hits my foot, which rebounds and hits me on the right side of my face. Ouch!

I can feel the pain all throughout my temple and my TMJ, which I had an injury from about a decade ago after snowboarding. It shook me so bad that I got a headache and had to lie down instead of writing and working outside in the garden.

Great; my TMJ's back.

---

To shut My Father's fucking mouth about doing shit around the house, I chose to be passive-aggressive. I won't clean the furniture, but I will start to patch the bare spots of the front and back lawns with seed. And I didn't have to buy it, like I originally planned; Father bought a bag, so I used that.

My headache was better, and I wanted to lay down this seed/mulch/fertilizer combo before the rains came last night. So, without an hour to go before dinner, I went out and quickly separated this huge sponge of material in the bag and laid it down on this huge bare spot inbetween one of our trees and the deck.

It was a quarter to 5 when my parents came home, way early even for a Friday. My Father didn't see me at first when he went out to the propane stove in the back deck because I was just under him. When we locked eyes and he saw the blue-green mass of crap I was laying down, he got whiny and I got infuriated because he said, "You don't have to do that! We're going to put in a new deck!"

The fuck?! Why didn't you goddamn say that?? I now have all this shit on the ground and it's just going to be dug up over the summer??? Fuck you!!! And now I had no choice but to go find another bare spot in the backyard and dump the rest of it over there. I'm not going to just pick it all up and put it back in the bag. What a fucking waste. And all because he wouldn't tell me that he's putting a new deck in.

My Fucking Father yells at me to do something, and when I do do something, he yells at me to not do it. Pisses me off.

---

Want to think Grandmother isn't going crazy, and she probably isn't, but when I don't want to talk about something, I think I make it abundantly clear.

She put this Chinese mentholated oil on my head when I banged it against the door. I was hoping that was the end of it. But during dinner she told my parents, "He banged his head against the door!"

At first I wanted to strangle her and the way she doesn't move her above her food and instead lets the food drop onto the table just under her placemat. But then I realized that I didn't want her to reveal that I banged my head against the door because my parents would then start to piss and moan about it, and me. If that's the case, who the fuck cares that I banged my head against the door? Still didn't want her to say it, but I calmed down a bit after that.

---

One of the main reasons I hate working outside is that it gets so hot I forget stuff. Happens every time. And it happened last night when going out to the gym.

I took a long shit and I needed to exchange the thing I bought earlier today for something bigger, so after finishing in the bathroom I immediately put my Tevas on and headed for the flower shop and then the gym. I hesitated for a millisecond when I put my sandals on; this didn't seem right, and I knew I was missing something, but I didn't know what it was. But I did know I'll know what I was missing as soon as I miss it, if that makes any sense.

And that moment came when I headed to the lcokerroom of the gym; wearing my sandals meant that I didn't wear socks, and I need to wear socks to work out. Shit. I could've turned back but there was only two hours to work out, so I just put on my gym shoes without socks. I feel like I've defiled my relative pristine, non-smelly shoes because I stuck my bare feet in them. This is the first time I've ever worn these sneakers without socks. But on the bright side, I know that that's a fact I'll forget about very, very soon.

---

I went to the coffeeshop after working out. After parking I opened up my trunk to get my bookbag and laptop ... and that's when I realized that not only did I forget socks, I also forgot to bring my bookbag and laptop. So now I can't spend the three hours I wanted to spend because I fucking forgot my computer?!?! Fuck me.

The only thing in my trunk that I could even read are these LSAT practice materials. I forgot that my sister was studying for the LSAT eons ago, and My Fucking Father was about to recycle every single book she used. When he ordered me to take them out to the driveway Wednesday, I took some and threw them in my trunk. I could go to law school, you know. And now it's the only thing I could occupy my time with.

So I brought those materials inside the coffeehouse. I wanted to stay there three hours; instead, after leafing through words and advice that made me think of my hours spent studying the SAT and ACT, I left after about half an hour.

The sun melted my brain, therefore my night ended prematurely.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Twins (Last Week: -1). In yet another runaway, the Twinkies win both of their series and go 4-2 for the week. (I have a feeling they're going to be on top of the WMNSS till Labor Day, at least). It helps, though, that they beat Kansas City and Cleveland, the two dregs of the A.L. Central. One thing I'm noticing, however: They lost the last game of both series, and it wasn't even close. This is a high-powered, locked-in lineup, and so far they have received great to sterling pitching. Do they feel so confident that they think they can take the foot off the pedal on getaway day and just sacrifice the last game? Maybe they need to pace themselves, but I don't like to see them taking games off; the best teams show no mercy. They are in the middle of facing division opponents 18 straight games; this week they're at the Royals and Detroit.

#-2: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -2). Is Northwestern supposed to be any good? Because the Gophs lost two of three to them this weekend in Evanston, Ill. And then they lost to South Dakota St. in Brookings, S.D., on Tuesday. It's their third one-run game of the week, but they lost two of them. And that means they have gone down in 4 of their last 5 and 6 of their last 8. No tournament for you; are these guys too young? They're back at the Metrodome this weekend for a series against Indiana, then play at North Dakota St. Wednesday. I plan on attending Saturday evening's game; I wonder what the turnout will be, assuming it won't be raining (and thus discouraging people to go to the game)?

#-3: Swarm (Last Week: -3). I unfortunately did make it to Saturday night's game against Philadelphia. It was an entertaining game. The bad news is they lost in overtime, 13-12. And they didn't seal the deal; they had a two-goal lead after scoring a shorthanded goal, but the Wings outscored the Swarm 3-1 to send it into OT. The good news, however, is that the team trailing them, the Colorado Mammoth, lost the night before to the Boston Blazers, 9-7 (at home, by the way) to give the Swarm the fourth and final playoff spot in the Western Conference. I guess you can't just reject the berth, even though you're 5-10 and have lost five in a row.

I didn't know that, unlike the Timberwolves, there are players on the leaderboard of several stategories. Callum Crawford and Aaron Wilson are 3rd and 4th in the points board. That's a hell of a 1-2 punch ... for a team that is 5-10 and have lost five in a row. They finish the regular season at the X Saturday night against the Orlando Titans, who have sewn up the Eastern Conference title and can sew up home-field advantage throughout the playoffs with a victory. By the way, they would play at either Washington or Edmonton for the first round of the playoffs; both the Stealth and Rush can earn home-field throughout if things break the right way.

RIP, Brookdale

Before the Mall of America, the main malls in the Twin Cities area were the "Dales," each of them taking one quadrant of the metropolis. Southdale, in the south quarter of the Cities, is the first fully-enclosed mall in the United States. There is also Rosedale, which takes the eastern portion, and Ridgedale, which gets the western part.

In the North there is Brookdale, but from the looks of it the last two times I went there, not for long. I went there to see if I could get a bite to eat a couple months ago and I was shocked at how empty it was. I needed a second visit this afternoon to confirm, and believe it or not it was even emptier.

The directory is a joke; 90% of the stores listed there are gone. This reminds me of another visit to a ghost mall, Apache Plaza, I took about 15-20 years ago. I never thought I'd see another place so huge fail in attracting any business. But now there's Brookdale.

It's not a bad-looking place; major renovations were made in six years ago. But there is no one, and I mean no one, taking advantage of it. Walking back and forth from one end to the other, I counted, get this, eight stores in the mall. Total. Of those, the GNC was packing up their inventory right in front of me; Payless Shoes and one mom-and-pop jewelry store were having huge clearance sales, meaning they're gone very soon; and the in-store photo place had a sign announcing it was moving to Northtown, soon to be the only viable mall in the North Metro.

That means there are only four stores that, as far as I can tell, aren't getting the fuck out of Dodge immediately. One of them is a clothing store that doesn't even have a sign up, so I don't know what the fuck's going on with them. If not for the Champs Sports, Foot Locker and, of all things, the only Sears within miles of my house, Brookdale would be completely dead. For now, it's in a long-term coma.

It's sad. When I was young, going to this mall was pretty special, as opposed to going to Northtown, which my brother and I were taken to so many times. When I got my license, an early goal of mine was trying to get to Brookdale by myself. I had gone there regularly as a high schooler, and I would enter through the same entrance when we were taken there by Grandmother and our aunt: The Dayton's anchor store, where we'd breeze through and look for jeans but never buy them. Several years ago there was a Greek restaurant that had these very salty but to-die-for french fries I would eat, and there was a Barnes & Noble I would go to when I was burned out at the one closest to my house.

I don't know why exactly, but the exodus began with the departure of Mervyn's and JC Penney 6, 7 years ago and it has accelerated since. The presence of the Megamall is not an issue because they're on opposite sides of the metro area. There are newer suburbs and white flight going on, but that's in areas about 15-20 minutes away. The area is getting a little poorer and shadier, but there are still people who live in the area. That it could be seen as transforming into an urban enclave in the suburbs, and thus not a desirable place to put a chain store within the city's strip mall, is the only reason I can think for Brookdale dying.

But dying it is, and like I say, it's breathtaking. With the close of the Vietnamese restaurant, there is nothing in the food court -- nothing. And not only is the Dayton's store gone, the entire wing of Dayton's -- which comprises half the damn mall -- is completely vacant. There were huge signs on walls fronting some wings of the mall that said "More Shopping Ahead" -- uh, I don't think so.

I was virtually alone in this empty wing. Around where there used to be a play area now stands a pair of forlorn benches. For a second I thought of sitting down for a bit and reflecting on a life wasted, but I concluded that would be redundant. Nevertheless, a stroll through here was as empty as my soul.

It really is a shame. I could see the mom-and-pop clothing store, Champs and Foot Locker all closing. And since there has to be a satellite building somewhere, Sears could easily move out. Leaving Brookdale, a mall that opened 48 years ago, a place I once saw teeming with wonder and humanity, officially, instead of virtually, extinct.