I will be oblique when offering details, but I will say this: After a dinner conversation I had last night, I only bolster my belief I'm not cut out to work. I was burned out by the time I lost my jobs partly because I hated getting manipulated by my superiors. I mean, life's too short; why in the hell would I want to spend a third of my day, and my life, hating what I do and hating the people I do it with. And being out of a full-time job the past three years hasn't made me forget; in fact, it's only steeled my resolve against it.
I might like a job more if I had authority, but even that sucks. If more responsibilities comes more accountability, and all I would want out of a leadership position are the money, the perks, the ability to go when the fuck I want, and the control -- specifically, the control to fire people that I don't like. I can understand why they could be let go if there's problems with the company, but I wouldn't feel good about it. I certainly wouldn't have the stones to do it without feeling like I'm going to kill myself afterward. How can anyone feel good playing God like that? These people have lives to live, a family to support, dreams dashed because you say "The economy's not good, so we have to let you go." No, too chickenshit to do that. But firing people who piss you off? Well, that's change we can all believe in. I would love, absolutely luv to terminate the employment of someone I hated -- yeah, guess I get the last word, motherfucker ... now get the fuck outta here, or I'll call security and the police and have your ass arrested too! That would so more than make up for firing anyone that didn't deserve it.
Alas, I was told by the people I was having this conversation with over a very fine dinner that you can't do that because it's possibly illegal and definitely unprofessional. Man, who gives a fuck about being professional? All business is personal, right? I can't work personally detached from what I do. I am what I work; there really is no other reason to work. Apparently that's not how The Real World operates. So I guess I'll stay away a while longer.
What happened this afternoon ties into that deep talk. I lead a fantasy baseball league whose draft was online this past weekend. There has to be a waiver list ranked for those who want to get other players that weren't drafted. I thought Yahoo! would automatically do it for me, but they didn't, so I had to do it. I thought, and I still think, that waiver priority is ranked according to your first round draft position. For the league I run, that is in reverse order of finish the previous season. Since I was last last year, I got the first pick this year, and thus the first pick in the waiver order.
Well, that's what I think it is. Apparently someone else in the league thought it was the exact opposite order, and he bitched about it, on the boards, and not in a very ... professional way. (He was the guy who won the league last year; there's a new person this year, which means he gets second in the waiver order to start out the season.) I don't appreciate being showed up like that. I think as a commissioner I deserve more respect. As a human I'm entitled to some more decency.
But I didn't want to get into a pissing match with him, especially if I'm wrong. So I just changed it. Probably won't matter much, I'll probably lose anyway. But I was just hoping that he wouldn't respond and that'd be the end of it. Oh no. In his reply he boasted about winning back-to-back and, most disrespectfully, he had to say that he was pointed out a mistake I made. Man, I am this close to throwing this asshole out of my league. But I have to be ... professional about it. So I'm going to let this one go. Well, OK, I didn't exactly do that. I replied that I thought Yahoo! leagues start the season's waiver order the way I think it's done, and then I told him that what he said about me was "tacky." So let's see if he wants to mouth off to this, then I'll have reason to throw his ass out of my league.
The one thing that scares me about all of this: What happens if I know this guy? Like, he was someone I was acquainted with in college? It would not be the right idea to throw him out if I actually know him. Or maybe I would, because this fantasy baseball league is all I have right now.
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