Money Woes Continue

I think I'm manic-depressive. I am so up and down about things, especially when it comes to money.

Yesterday I got a check from working the game. I was expecting one amount, but actually got something a lot, lot more -- like, more than twice as much. I was over the moon. I felt like I had hit the lottery. For that moment, at least, my money issues were gone, or at least very, very far away.

It was partly because of that that I gave myself permission to eat at very expensive Chipotle this afternoon. I had the afternoon off because the new year has started at the U. and my "boss" still didn't know what days I could come into the lab or even if she had enough money for me to come in my usual three days a week.

I should've done something more, like package my Entertainment Weeklys, or mow the lawn. Instead, it was a "me" day -- go to Chipotle at the mall, go to the local comic book store and sneakread porn for an hour (I wanted to hit the latest Playboy before the next issue comes out either this or next Friday).

But tonight I forgot one thing: I need to plan an online payment for my credit card. I saw the amount I had to pay before when it came over the mail, but the amount, $299, kind of stopped me cold. And then I saw all the money I charged to my credit card since my last statement -- $350. This is not disciplined spending, nor disciplined living.

I've been battling revenues/expenses ever since the state cut my hours. I still am trying to maintain some expensive tastes, but covering the balance on my credit card every week is really what's killing me. Whatever money I'm taking in is immediately going out. I have no way of saving for emergencies. There's no way I'm gaining extra money to get the rear struts on my car changed like I should. And what happens when next year rolls around and I'm supposed to see my sister and brother-in-law in Tuscany?

So right now I feel like I did something wrong. Today I should've just stayed home and done my chores. Not only would that have saved me money, subconsciously I know that would make me feel like I'm "doing the right thing," and therefore not be "punished" by this exorbitant credit card charges.