The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

This might have been the Week that broke me.  This might be the Week where I finally stop giving a flying fuck about sports because no goddamn team in this town can win when it fucking counts.

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -1).  In a dark Week for Minnesota sports, you take your victories where you can get them.  And you look to the bright spot that is the Golden Gopher softball squad, who ran the table with a perfect 5-0 Week.  They finished off a sweep of at Cowles Stadium last Sunday, 2-1 in nine Innings, then dominated Wisconsin in Madison in a Doubleheader Shutout sweep Tuesday, 9-0 (in five Innings) and 7-0.  And they're going to win their series over Ohio St. in Columbus after winning 7-1 and 10-6.  Now that I understand how the projected bracket is laid out, it looks as though the U. is safely in the field for the NCAA Tournament, even though it looks very unlikely they'll get to host a Regional.  No matter; they're on a seven-Game winning streak with one more at the Buckeyes finishing the regular season at home against Michigan.

#-2: Twins (Last Week: -3).  The Woofie Dogs and the Mild fucked up so spectacularly this screening Week that we forgot that the Twinks went 5-2 this Week.  They took two-of-three at home versus The New York Yankees and thus won the season series vs. the Yanks for the first time since 2001.  Think about it: The last time the Twinks won more Games than lost versus the Yanks was before 9/11.

They currently hold a 2 1/2-Game lead over Cleveland in the AL Central, but don't worry, they're a Minnesota team, so they'll fuck this up soon enough.  One more at home vs. Kansas City, then they travel to the horrifically underachieving White Sox and said Guardians, both for three.

#-3: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -4).  The baseball Nine are doing a Goofus-and-Gallant routine with the softball team.  Finished the Week 2-3.  Started off said Week by getting swept by Illinois on the road, even though they lost last Sunday, 6-5.  They then got blitzed at Siebert Tuesday by North Dakota St., 10-3, before bouncing back and beating St. Thomas the next evening by a score of 9-4.  They came back in a big way against Nebraska in Lincoln, scoring five Runs in the Ninth Inning to defeat the Cornhuskers 9-7 on Friday.  But the 'Huskers paid them back yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  They beat Minnesota -- or, according to the U. of M. athletic website, the Golden Gophers got "gashed" by Nebraska -- 18-0.  Do I regret saying this program has turned the corner?  Yeah, I'm starting to think saying that was unwise.

After one more in Lincoln, they host Michigan for a trio beginning on Friday.  Say, the softball Nine hosts Michigan the same weekend.  The Wolverines are flying out both teams on the same plane, right?

#-Infinity (tie): Wild and Timberwolves (Last Week: -2 and -6, respectively).  They're the reason I feel like I'm done with sports, these two fucking teams.  They go out like bitches in the same goddamn Week, at the same goddamn Round, and both in the same Round all Minnesota teams fucking do, the First fucking Round.  It's all the fucking same.

First of all, what did I tell you?  Nuggets in 5, Bastard North Stars in 6.  Should've opened up an online gambling account, put a quarter of my checking account on the Nugz, a quarter on The Team That Was Stolen From Us, and the rest in a parlay with those two.  I would have made a goddamn fortune, and at least some fucking good would have come from these twin emasculations.

It's the Mild that hurts more than the Woofie Dogs.  They lost to The Bastard North Stars.  Also, I reviewed what I said about them this time last Week, where I felt good since they were up 2-1.  Forgot that they were up 2-1 to St. Louis in the First Round of last season's Stanley Cup Playoffs, and then they proceeded to capitulate in three straight tilts.  Well ain't it a bitch, but they pissed down their fucking legs once again, and to The Team That Was Stolen From Us, too.  And like I feared but expected, they came back to the place they rightfully belong and fuckin' humiliate us on our home ice.  And we let them, like a bunch of motherfucking cucks.

Friday afternoon, just before Game 6, I heard Michael Russo, Mild beat writer for The Athletic, report that the morning skate was shit -- no energy, no passion, no work.  It was then I was convinced that Game 6 and the series was lost, and this mailing it in summarized the complete giving up of what ultimately appears to be a gutless club of chumps and quitters.  And it pains me since I actually, stupidly praised this merry band of mediocrities in last Week's WMNSS.

I don't care that Kirill Kaprizov was skating one leg, or that Mats Zuccarello was hurt the second half of the season, or that Joel Eriksson Ek wasn't around to win Faceoffs, or that Marcus Foligno got fucked over with bogus penalty calls.  With the possible exception of Brock Faber, not one of these fuckers stood up to The Team That Was Stolen From Us and fought back when it fuckin' mattered.  Ryan Suter is still a pussy-ass bitch, but he's on a winner.  And Dallas hockey fans are thieves and appropriators, but we're the losers.  Because our goddamn team apparently is filled with losers.

And they're in the same boat as the Woofie Dogs, who went out like the bitches they are against a Denver squad that outclassed them at every turn and gave them a pity Win so that the Nuggets organization could make money from tickets, concessions, merchandise and parking from a Game 5 home Win.  Both teams are capped out (although under slightly different circumstances; the Woofs are just capped out while the Mild will now go through the Dark Ages of being saddled with, like, $15 million in dead cap space for the next two Years).  Both teams anodyne but are too paralyzed to surround their star players (Kaprizov and Anthony Edwards) any meaningful help.  They might have to give up good players just so they can get under their respective caps, and then there's no apparent plan as to who they can bring in to actually help the team.  The only way forward, it looks like, is down.  And since their highs are a series of First Round exits, these moribund franchises haven't really done a fuckin' thing when they were supposedly good.

What a goddamn disaster this is -- these postseasons, these teams, and Twin Cities sports in general.  Why in the fuck do I give a shit about sports?  Why?

Part Of The Lights Kind Of Gone Down

Don't exactly know what hit me, but I got tired by around 10:30 last night.  So I went to bed; if I can't go to sleep, I'll do the things I needed to do in the evening, such as pick up all my receipts and use the lime juice for the cocktail I was planning on drinking then, but if I fall asleep, woo-hoo, I'll have a good night's sleep.

The latter happened.  The good night was ruined by the Mild losing to The Bastard North Stars, but I expected that to happen.  So it's 6 in the morning and I'm wide awake, and I remember that I can catch the early EPL Match on my satellite radio.  I get up and, on the way to the radio, I turn on my space heater because it's a little chilly here in Minnesota ... and it doesn't turn on.  After making sure I had the heater turned on, it appears as though the outlet isn't working.  Can't turn on my SiriusXM receiver either because the outlet it's plugged into isn't working either, which pisses me off because this will be one of the few times I can remember waking up on a Saturday of all damn days early enough to listen to daybreak soccer and can't.

I was worried that I would have to learn how to change an outlet or something.  But I then realized I should check the rest of the house.  I just needed to turn to my right; the radio isn't working.  The lights in my bathroom aren't working, either, as is everything in the computer room, including my main modem.  This is why I have to use my alternate wi-fi.

Don't know why this happens, but very occasionally it does.  I remember it was really bad a couple decades ago.  In the summer, a storm was so bad that it knocked out power in our house.  After a few hours or overnight, the power came back on ... in some parts of the house, but not the middle of it, of all things.  The kitchen lights and, I want to say, the lights right below the kitchen, in the den/game room wouldn't turn on.  That lasted a week.  The utility actually had to come to the neighborhood and do something before everything would turn back up.

I have gone online to report an outage.  I am going out for the day.  I hope that when I come back, everything will be restored.  Don't know what I'll do if it isn't.

Addendum To: The Real Reason For The Rattling And Squealing, And I Am Ashamed

You know, come to think of it, I had trouble gauging my oil level in my old car, too.  I remember that when I brought it in for service once, the mechanic told me that he found the car "bone dry" of oil.  I didn't hear any squealing or feel any rattling, though.  And then, one other time, probably remembering when it was completely out of oil, I was told by another mechanic after I brought it to him that was overfull with oil.  Too little, and then too much?  I can't win.  And I probably can't tell how the hell much oil is in my car at any given moment.

On a side note, I checked the oil level in my parents' minivan after work yesterday/Thursday.  I have thought of the car as my savior, a tough son-of-a-bitch that, while not doing it with any style, got me to where I needed to be with minimal incident.  But it is an old car, and I got paranoid as hell after being told that my new car had virtually no oil in it.  Now, I checked it on our driveway, and it is not level.  Also remember that I don't think I can tell what a dipstick tells me.  Saying that, there was no oil in there -- I think.  So I got the 5-quart behemoth Father got for the minivan and poured the rest of it (just over one quart) into the engine and waited five minutes.  Measured it again ... and the level seemed to be above the low mark.  So it's now good to drive.  Unless that quart I put in still isn't enough.  Or maybe because the minivan wasn't level it had enough oil already and I just overfilled it.  Dammit, man, I don't know.

The Real Reason For The Rattling And Squealing, And I Am Ashamed

No belt is frayed.  No mount is cracked.  Nothing is loose down in my car, or broken, or dry.  The rattling and squealing are gone.  Why?  There was no oil in the motor.  Well, the guy (and I went to someone new) said there was barely a quart left in it.  My car holds four.

It kind of felt like the guy was admonishing me for not checking the oil level in my car, sort of the way a dentist tsk-tsks you for not flossing regularly.  Not to say he was wrong, though.  I didn't check the oil level.  I don't.  I still might not after this.  But in my defense -- and I understand I am pleading ignorance, which means I'm not testifying from a source of strength -- I didn't the rattling and squealing meant that I had little oil left in my car.  Never thought it was a sign.  Now again, that doesn't excuse me from checking the dipstick.  But let's be real here: I think the vast majority of people don't check the oil level in their car whenever they fill up.  So I cannot be the only person this has ever happened to.

And come to think of it, my car is modern enough that it should have a low oil level light indicator on the dashboard.  That never came on.  Why didn't it?

The guy said that when he changed the oil filter he didn't see any leaks that would explain why it was nearly dry.  My car is getting up there in age, but never has the level of oil in my car dropped so precipitously.  So, beyond the fact that that damn low oil light should've come on, I am dreading one possible reason as to why it had no oil in it: The mechanic I went to screwed up.  I remember this blog post back in August, the first I went to this shop, that I went in for service and came out with a knocking noise that came out of nowhere.  They fixed it, and I had gone back there a second time for another thudding sound that turned out to be loose and/or missing lug nuts.  I tried out this new guy because I wasn't feeling the customer service of this first place.  I am now wondering if this first place screwed up the oil change.

Talked to my therapist yesterday/Wednesday afternoon.  When I told him about my day with the car, he recommended I go to the dealership to make sure this oil change was done correctly.  I don't want to do that: They will probably charge me for the diagnostic, and I feel awkward about going back to a place for service that I left not too long ago.  But if the dealership knows my car better than even an independent shop, maybe, for peace of mind, I should, say, wait a month or two (checking the oil dipstick all the while -- yeah, I guess I have to check from now on) and then bring it in to make sure there are no leaks or anything.

I should probably have them make sure there's not catastrophic damage to the car, either, and that's where I loathe myself.  I can say that I didn't know to check.  But my, uh, lack of proactive maintenance means that this car has a lot of wear and tear that it didn't need.  And for tonight, at least, I actually feel scared to drive the car because I'm scared of what could happen.  Yeah, it's filled to the brim with oil -- supposedly.  Maybe it's bleeding it out as we speak, and it's back down to less than a quart come morning.  And what if the tire, for which they found small punctures they say they've patched up, wasn't the problem but a too-bent rim was?  Could I just be driving around and then notice it's all deflated again, and this time I won't be able to limp my car off to a gas station or even the side of the road?  The car is as good as it's going to be right now.  It's possibly fine and I could just be paranoid.  But still, I don't know how damaged it is, and could be, so right now, I don't trust it.  And the reason I don't trust it is, really, my fault.

The Suddenly Popular Classic Theater

This theater says it's the longest continuously-running theater in the Twin Cities.  I thought a long time ago it was shuttered and re-opened and refurbished under new ownership.  Regardless, I tried to take in a movie there once a year.  It's a beautiful place -- small with red paint and carpet, it's a throwback theater that harkens back to an age where the theater was one of the great social gathering spots in the country.  And I was able to just park right next to it, walk on up, and get a ticket to, like, Philomena or A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood.  The ticket is way more expensive than, say, at a first-run, modern theater with all the bells and whistles (provided you go on a Discount Tuesday) and you get to sit in an uncomfortable seat.  But the atmosphere of being in a theater that starting showing movies in the 1920's more than makes up for it.  And, again, I only go there once a year, so an annual treat is a small way to live a little.

Like I said, I never had trouble getting a ticket to a show.  With one exception: I tried to go to a special screening of ... well, the name of the movie escapes me, but it's a Leslie Nielsen slapstick comedy that is not from The Naked Gun series.  I believe one of the writers is from this area, and he had a special screening as part of, I believe, a fundraiser.  I wanted to go, but I was floored that all the parking spots were taken.  I don't know if I knew for sure that the place was sold out, but I decided that I couldn't get a ticket.  That, at the time, was the only time I saw this theater packed.

Now, fast-forward to, oh, a year ago.  I know that for the past several years this place has shown special retrospective series on weekdays.  Never participated, but on this day they were showing The Seventh Seal, that Ingmar Bergman classic movie that I always wanted to watch.  I was surprised that a whole bunch of other people wanted to see it as well, as the parking lot was packed.  I scrambled to find a spot on the street and inadvertently parked right next to a fire hydrant.  Pleased as punch that I didn't get ticketed for it.

Now, a few weeks ago, this theater was screening The Sting.  That's another flick I've always wanted to see.  It was a Monday, there was nothing on TV, and I didn't want to work out, so I went back to the theater.  Also surprised that everybody seemed to be there, but this time I knew I could park at the strip mall half a block away.  It was even worse for Rebecca, being shown as part of an Alfred Hitchcock retrospective; unlike with The Sting, I was told I had to put my name on a waitlist and wait to see if I could get in.  I did get in, thankfully, but it was even more packed than it was for The Sting, which in turn was more packed than it was for The Seventh Seal.

Now I am glad that this theater is getting the house for these special screenings.  There apparently is a lot of upkeep for a movie house this grand and opulent, and there were many times when I saw a first-run movie there and noticed I was one of only a half-dozen people in the theater and I wondered how in the heck they were going to say in business.  But at least I got in.  It felt more and more likely that I couldn't get in to see these special screenings.  It's like that Yogi Berra saying: No one goes there anymore because it's too crowded.

Nonetheless, I was determined to not be put on the waitlist for the next movie I wanted to see, Hitchcock's To Catch A Thief.  I bought a ticket online that morning.  And I gave myself plenty of time to get there an find parking.  But I could not go to that strip mall close by like I did before; between Rebecca and To Catch A Thief, the manager of the strip mall as well as the restaurant at the end of the mall closest to the theater put up no trespassing signs.  I'm guessing I'm not the only moviegoer who thought he could just park there for movies.  I would take the people managing the mall more seriously if they didn't say, "Trespasser's (sic) will be towed," but I didn't want to take that chance; I parked on the street -- and I avoided the fire hydrant.  There was street parking to be had, but the theater was still packed for the flick.  I sat on one of the chairs close to the screen and off to the side, and I didn't know that the seats over there are not level because the floor rises up.

I enjoyed myself.  But between the demand for tickets, the craps game that is parking, and the new restrictions on parking at the strip mall across the street, it gives me pause as to whether I can go see a movie there ever again.  Sure, I guess that if it's a newly-released film I would have no trouble parking right beside the theater.  But for the classics?  I don't know if it's worth it anymore.  It's sad.  But while I admire people loving this theater so much, it prevents me from enjoying it the way I want to enjoy it: Alone.

Past Me Saved Present Me

Went to work without my earbuds.  Totally sucked.  I could say I was so wrapped up with the drama surrounding my flat tire over the weekend that it completely made me forget about taking the buds out of my long coat (which I wore on Friday because I was going to a speakeasy after work and I wanted to look somewhat cool) and put them into my regular coat, but I would have forgotten regardless.  It was a helpless damn feeling.  I could work without them.  In fact, I probably would be more productive without the distraction of listening to something I'm more interested in.  But the day would have been long and boring, and I would hate myself all day for not remembering them.

I was working at The Fourth Department yesterday/Monday, but went out to my desk a few times just in case I left a pair of old earphones there.  I remember once forgetting them, and I vowed I would, at the worst, find a crappy set of phones and keep them at my desk in times like this.  But I couldn't find them.

However ... I went back to my desk one final time.  I still have the box for my Zojirushi coffee mug, one that still works.  I remembered that earlier this year (I think), I put something in that box for safekeeping.  What it was I truly didn't remember, but I was do desperate to find some earbuds that I figured I'd just open it in case a miracle happened.

Well, guess what?  I open up the mug box and I see a smaller box.  I still don't know, or remember, what it was.  I open up the box ... and it's a brand-new pair of headphones.  And then I remembered: The earbuds I usually use no longer work in my left ear.  That prompted me to buy a new pair on Amazon.  And when it was delivered, I decided I was going to stick with my old ones until the left earphone stops working, but to make sure I don't skip a beat, I would keep them at work.  I was going to break them out the moment my old earbuds stop working, but I don't mind breaking them in now because I was forgetful.

I am kind of shocked that I forgot that I bought and stored brand-new buds at work.  And I didn't even have an inkling that I would find earphones to use in that mug box.  I just remembered putting something in that box not too long ago, and I was desperate for earbuds.  My prayer was answered, and just in time to hear The Rude Pundit on Stephanie Miller!

Similar to finding the right solution to a math problem without doing your work correctly, I was happy to use these brand-new buds even under circumstances I did not anticipate.  I'm just happy I did make the decision to bring those brand-new earphones to work back then.  Past me did indeed save present me.

I Got Free Food, And Now I Might Die Of Rabies

Weird things happened last night.  After the early show for Booker T. Jones at the Dakota passed, I finally mustered up the energy to do what I planned to do, which was work out at the community center for the first time in weeks.  I got out of the house a little late, but I still thought I would get in a good period of exercise.

I was going to take the trash out before I went.  I open the front and then the screen door, and then I see Domino's on my stoop.  Two boxes: The bigger being a pizza, the smaller, rectangular one being those "Loaded Tots" I think the company recently introduced.  They were cold, which means the delivery driver delivered them to me, obviously by mistake, after I got home a bit past 4 but before I was out the door at 7.  But I didn't hear the doorbell ring or a knock on the door, so even though there may have been a no-contact policy the driver followed, there's a non-zero chance some stranger just laid that food at my front door.

Still, the overwhelming probability is that this was just a driver dropping food off at the wrong address.  In which case -- hell yeah, free food!  But then I thought I shouldn't jump to that conclusion so fast.  I thought that if this was a mistaken address, the house that made the order probably is a neighbor.  If that's the case, maybe I shouldn't be so hasty in taking the food.  It isn't mine; I didn't order it.  So after a quick thought or two, I decided that I was going to leave the pizza and Loaded Tots out on the stoop.  If Domino's came back to pick it up, or if this neighbor to whom those rightfully belong went out on a search, the food would be there for them to retrieve.  And if I came back and saw those boxes still there -- well, that would be proof my neighborhood is still relatively safe and neighborly, and it would also mean I can take the food.

I didn't think about any other living creatures getting to the food first until it was way too late and I was sweating through my clothes.  At work on Friday I saw a line of ants savaging some crumb of food on the floor -- why in the hell wouldn't they go after the pizza and the tots??  I felt so stupid.  So, after changing back and using a discount for gasoline on my app that was going to expire at midnight, I got home and saw the boxes still there.  But then I noticed a chunk of the cold, gloopy Loaded Tots on the walkway, and then another.  And then I saw the small, rectangular box not exactly in the position I left it at.  And it was ajar.  I opened it and I saw, like, four or five cold tots with the now solid cheese and maybe it was bacon attached to them.  So maybe ants didn't get to it, but a squirrel did, and even though I don't think squirrels have opposable thumbs, the squirrel knocked it over and/or pushed it open to get into it.  And judging by the food that was spilled all over my pavement, it probably took a couple bites and recoiled at the coldness of the Loaded Tots, how rich in calories it was, or both, and said it had enough.

And you know what my thought was?  Damn, I wish I could have tried those Loaded Tots!  But there were four or five of them left in the box.  That meant the squirrel ate all the ones it tossed out of the box and left these alone -- right?  So I -- and don't judge me -- ate those Loaded Tots left in the box.  And they were ... cold.  And like all the loaded tots I've eaten from other places before.  And then I had this image of the squirrel eating and touching the tots I just ate as well as the tots touching those tots.  And then I thought about whether I can get sick from food with the saliva from a squirrel -- or, even more viscerally, from food that got in contact with a squirrel.  Can you get rabies from that?

And so ever since I ate those tots I've felt a bit ... queasy.  It might be from eating those cold, or it might be because that food was left out for more than two hours before refrigeration.  But if I wake up in the morning running a fever or suffering from seizures, it has to be squirrel rabies.  And in that case, regard me as a cautionary tale: Don't ever eat food that was ransacked by a squirrel.

Sorry, Booker T

I want to see Booker T. Jones at the Dakota tonight.  Two shows, 6 and 8.  Really want to go, even if the only thing I know from him is "Green Onions."  But I'm not.  A lot of it is I'm worried about the crowd for the Timberwolves Game, even though it tips off at 8:30 and, as I type this a bit after 5, there could be a lull in downtown because the Twins finished their Win 60-90 Minutes ago.  But I can't be sure it won't be teeming with fans, say, doing a Twins-Timberwolves double.  Besides, lot parking is going to be through the roof regardless, and I'm not sure if I can find meter parking, and even if I do, I'm scared to parallel park without the back-up camera from my car.  I should man up and refresh myself on how to do that with my parents' minivan, but I don't want to.

I'll admit that I'm also scared that a beat-up vehicle like the minivan will get stolen downtown.

Really, however, I'm scared as hell that if I drive the minivan too much, it'll break down.  It's a tough car, I'll tell you that, and I have to remind myself that I had the water pump and brake pads replaced just over a year ago.  And yet it does have 280,000 miles on it, so really, anything could happen, and if it does, I'll have two cars, neither of which work.  That would fucking suck.

There are many good, real reasons not to go, at least not this time around.  But I'm fighting the urge to fight that urge, if that makes any sense, to "be courageous" and not worry about the car (which I probably don't have to do; putting my anxiety aside, I am fairly certain it won't break down if I drove it downtown), and enjoy myself.  YOLO and all that.  There are also reasons not to see him, either.  Tickets are expensive to see a guy for whom you know only one song, albeit a classic and even though you won't know if he's going to come around again (Mr. Jones seems to be of good health, knock on wood).  Of the two shows, the earlier show is the more expensive; $50-5 is pricey.  The late show is ten bucks cheaper, but of course I'll be facing the teeth of T-Wolves traffic, so that's out.  I just hate the feeling that I don't get to decide not to do something because circumstances prevent me from doing it.  If my car were totally fine and I still didn't want to see Booker T. Jones, I would be OK with it.  But I feel as though my decision is influenced by not having my car to use.  You know what I mean?

Regardless of my real reasons, sorry, Booker T, but I'll catch you next time -- when my car is reliably healthy and when there's nothing going on downtown.  Hope to see you then, sir.

The Weekly Minnesota Sports Survey

#-1: Gopher softball (Last Week: -2).  It's only two Wins smack dab in the middle of the season, and they were supposed to play a Doubleheader Wednesday at Wisconsin but it was postponed till Tuesday because of the weather.  But Iowa isn't a bad club, and the Gophers shut them out both Friday and yesterday/Saturday afternoon.  Hayden King of College Sports Madness still projects the U. to be in the NCAA Tournament, even though I think in this Week's projection King has them as a four-Seed when last Week King had them as a three.

After finishing up with the Hawkeyes this/Sunday afternoon and playing in Madison (cross your fingers), they play a three-Game series at Ohio St.

#-2: Wild (Last Week: -5).  They have lost a Game, and the series is not over yet, not even close.  The local sports fanbase is nonetheless over the moon over how the Wild are doing in their First Round Stanley Cup Playoff series against The Team That Was Stolen From Us v.2.0.  Game 1's Double Overtime win might prove pivotal.  Road teams win all the time in playoff hockey, but the Wild usually don't, plus I heard (I can't watch this series) that they were outplayed all Game.  And yet it takes one loose puck that just squirts right in front of the The Bastard North Star Goal for one player (in this case Ryan Hartman) to steal a Game.

That Game 2 Loss wasn't great, but the Wild still proved they could score, especially when they went back-to-back barely a dozen Seconds apart.  Besides, they got home-ice advantage, one they were able to keep in an electric atmosphere for Game 3 Friday, where they seemed firmly in control in blasting The BNS 5-1 -- and, by the way, Kirill Kaprizov didn't score or have an Assist.

Aside: I didn't know how much of a locker room poison Ryan Suter apparently was.  When he and Zach Parise were bought out, I felt, even though I was prepared to keep them on the roster until their huge-ass contracts ran out, that Suter was the, let's say, less replaceable of the two.  He was a steady Defenseman that kept soaking up Minutes without being a huge liability.  But, now that the deed has been done and Suter's now on The Enemy, the knives are out.  According to a tweet by current sports talk-show host and former Star Tribune writer Judd Zulgad, Suter would pour over the stat sheet after Games to see how much Time On Ice he had.  He also demanded that a few practices a season be held in Edina, presumably close to where he is.  Well, those diva moves are enough for Minnesota pro hockey fans to turn on a guy who was a loyal soldier for many Years.  And you know what?  He seems to be a pussy-ass bitch.  He likes to talk, and he hits (sometimes borderline dirty), but he won't fight.  And that seems to have focused the Wild into playing faster, harder, stronger, and, if this makes any sense, younger.

Like I said, the series isn't over.  But I feel as though The Bastard North Stars feel like they're on their heels.  If Minnesota wins Game 4 tonight/Sunday night, it's the Wild's to lose.  Famous last words, sure.  But like I said, Wild fans are feeling good right now, and they have some good reason to.

#-3: Twins (Last Week: -1).  Oh, no, what's happening?  A 1-5 screening Week when they only won on Wednesday, dropped a series at the lowly Boston Red Sox, and have already lost a series (at home) vs. The Bastard Montreal Expos.  And both the BoSox and Washington are in last place in their respective Divisions.  The Twinks, after a good start, are currently 11-10.  The only saving grace is that they're still first in the American League Central because second-place Cleveland has also gone 1-5 this screening Week and in fact has lost nine of its last ten.

#-4: Gopher baseball (Last Week: -3).  Have lost their first two Games of their set at Illinois this weekend.  This after Wednesday's scheduled tilt at Siebert versus St. Thomas was cancelled due to rain and cold.  I am still clinging on to my belief this Golden Gopher program has turned the corner.  One more vs. The Fighting Illini today/Sunday, then home contests with North Dakota St. and St. Thomas midweek (cross your fingers), before a trio at Nebraska.

#-5: United FC (Last Week: -6).  And now the Loons are falling like a rock.  They have never beaten the Sounders in Seattle, and I want to say they have never beaten Seattle period, and that shit didn't change last/Saturday night.  They were close-ish, but some dude named Albert Rusnak scored in the 79th Minute to give the Sounders the 1-0 Win.  And this was even more demoralizing because Seattle was resting most of its starters because some of them were playing for their home countries.  There is some talk that Adrian Heath has to give up his pet 4-2-3-1 Formation for a 4-4-2.  Well, they were in a 4-2-3-1 and they lost, so. ...

Oh, hey, in last Week's survey I said that the Loons were playing Detroit City on Tuesday as part of the U. S. Open Cup.  Yeah, I totally looked one Week ahead.  I'm sorry.  They are playing them this Tuesday, however, and like I said in last Week's WMNSS, if they win, I won't talk about them, but if they lose, I sure as fuck will read them for filth.

#-6: Timberwolves (Last Week: -4).  It's been ... mirthful to see the Wild and the Timberwolves continue their Goofus-and-Gallant routine for us Twin Cities sports faithful.  Even though neither team has accomplished anything of note, our pro hockey team remains much better than the pro basketball when it comes to competence and respectability.

So it goes even though the Woofie Dogs are also in the playoffs.  But maybe not for long; The Denver Nuggets have rolled Minnesota, taking a commanding 3-0 lead in the series with the potential to euthanize this squad tonight/Sunday night.  The loss of Jaden McDaniels hurts, but it appears as though no one is stepping up with the occasional exception of Anthony Edwards.  People have singled out Rudy Gobert and Karl-Anthony Towns in particular for being invisible on Defense (the former) and not making enough shots (the latter).  It was going to be a miracle if they won the series (even though I still think the Nugz will take pity on the Two Elves and give them Game 4 so they can clinch in front of their home fans), but seeing how deficient they have been in three not really competitive Matches has fans shaking their heads whenever they pay attention to them.  One big, splashy move has got them right about where they were last Year: Just scraping by to make the postseason, and then seeing themselves out in The First Round.  Thanks for showing up, Goofus.

Fuckin' Tire. Fuckin' Wheel. Fuckin' Car.

So I was coming home from a night out last/Friday night.  Hey, I was in The Fourth Department, I earned it.  As I got home the low tire air light came on.  It had a propensity to come in for an extended period but years ago, so I thought that the bad sensor reared its ugly head again.  So I stopped by a gas station that had free air, stuck it in the driver's-side front tire because that's the one that always needs it, guessed how much air it needed, then drove home.

Used the minivan to see Grandmother's friend (whom I did not see; she was asleep, and I have a rule that I don't want to wake people up because I don't want to be woken up while I'm asleep).  Came home, then decided to check out the tire -- you know, just in case.  And I'll be goddamned, but it was just about flat again.  I don't know what the fuck is up with it, but that tire has consistently been giving me trouble ever since that fateful goddamn day I ran over those train tracks right next to Centro.  I swear it's the wheel/rim, but I've been told once already it's not.  And when I finally was able to change it out for my spare (they're right; change tires on level ground), I couldn't find a puncture.

On top of all that, I freaked out because my spare looked like it was out of air.  I think I stroked out as I sloooooooooowly drove off and tried to find a place I could put air in this spare.  I went to three places; two of them, both at gas stations, were out of order.  I also tried a DIY place, but I didn't see an air hose anywhere.  Finally, I remembered, and got to, a gas station that did have an air hose, and by God, I jacked up that spare with as much air as I could have given it.  (Should've gauged the spare before I put in the hose, however; that way I would know exactly how much air to put in it.  This is where I get all panicked again.  Need to think under pressure!)  But my anxiety that ignites in me whenever my car breaks down, well, I felt it as soon as I saw the deflated tire on my car.  And my heart's still beating a mile a minute.  I hate this feeling.  I feel minutes coming off of my life because of the fear I feel right now.

With that being said, I am finding ways to alleviate my anxiety.  Masturbation helped for, like, a minute.  Now, I will probably use the minivan to drive and get me some fast food.  I'll be using the minivan for a while; no shop is open tomorrow (and it wouldn't even matter if there was one because I work), and then I'm back in The Fourth Department Monday and Tuesday.  Plus I finally was able to get the oil down to 15%, which seems like a good time to get the oil changed (and, according to the car, to also rotate the tires [he-heh] and exchange the coolant.  Oh yeah -- the rattling and squealing underneath the car, too.  It'd make sense to get all those things done at once, and I might as well take a day off and do it this week.  But this is all the more reason I like having a spare car.  I don't have to miss a beat when it comes to important things like work.  If I only had one car, I would be stuck at home and have to reorder every part of my schedule for days on end.

Now, I just have to hope that the minivan holds up.  I'll be honest, though; after getting the water pump, mount and brake pads replaced just over a year ago, I think it's a very reliable vehicle.  In fact, I kind of feel safer there than in my car ever since my car started rattling and squealing.